Dearest Relations,
I am pleased to share with One and All that I have applied for a meeting with the Department of Education's, Division of Vocational Rehab. I applied via the Internet yesterday and will read from a representative within three to four days.
With great hopes and wishes, it is my plan to petition the opportunity to have classes in American Sign Language. I will speak with He-Who-Touched-My-Brain. I pray for his support on this subject as this is important to me and many aspects of my life and My Path.
With a goal in mind, it is a career in interpreting ASL for Company's or individuals as well as providing myself and my future a second language for the when the all goes quiet. I feel and smell the urgency and angst...
...pardon me please, but I just don't want to be caught ill prepared.
Yes, with my Baha processor connected to the implant on the left side of my skull, I am able to hear to some good degree. With out it, I am Deaf. (With the exceptions of the sounds and noises)
My right ear is an enigma. There are days when I have good hearing and then there are the days that I have really bad hearing. This is the ear that requires time in the morning to wake up. This is the ear that goes silent randomly. And this one too picks up the audio hallucinations, as Sir Dude calls them...
...anomaly's, as He-Who-Touched-My-Brain call them. What ever the case and what ever they're called, I swear from where I sit it sounds like a damned good idea to learn a language that is slowly becoming a part of my day-to-day. Makes sense to me and I am excited this will be so.
Wednesday, October 31, 2012
The Cochlear BAHA 3
When over at He-Who-Touched-My-Brain's clinic I picked up some literature from Cochlear. The booklet is dedicated to introducing the Cochlear Baha 3 as "The proven natural pathway to better hearing for your child". A Bone Conduction Hearing Solution.
The latest Baha is the Cochlear Baha Sound processor (BP100). Premium Performance which is the one I wear attached to my abutment and implant. I am not an expert on the Baha 3, but as one who wears one I have grown to love my "third ear". I will be looking into accessories to enhance the audio experience. Zooming in on the TELECOIL, which is designed to improve telephone listening (I have never used the telephone on that side since implant) and listening in buildings supplied with a loop facility. I am excited about this potential purchase or grant.
There are more than 70,000 success stories. I am One of them.
Act now! Take your child to a hearing care professional near you and ask if your child is a Baha candidate.
The e-mail address is: www.CochlearAmericas.com
In the USA, the address is:
Cochlear Americas
13059 East Peakview Avenue
Centennial CO 80111
Tel: 1 303 790 9010
Fax: 1 303 792 9025
In Canada, the address is:
Cochlear Canada Inc
2500-120 Adelaide Street West
Toronto, ON MSH 1T1
Tel: 1 416 972 5082
Fax: 1 416 972 5083
The latest Baha is the Cochlear Baha Sound processor (BP100). Premium Performance which is the one I wear attached to my abutment and implant. I am not an expert on the Baha 3, but as one who wears one I have grown to love my "third ear". I will be looking into accessories to enhance the audio experience. Zooming in on the TELECOIL, which is designed to improve telephone listening (I have never used the telephone on that side since implant) and listening in buildings supplied with a loop facility. I am excited about this potential purchase or grant.
There are more than 70,000 success stories. I am One of them.
Act now! Take your child to a hearing care professional near you and ask if your child is a Baha candidate.
The e-mail address is: www.CochlearAmericas.com
In the USA, the address is:
Cochlear Americas
13059 East Peakview Avenue
Centennial CO 80111
Tel: 1 303 790 9010
Fax: 1 303 792 9025
In Canada, the address is:
Cochlear Canada Inc
2500-120 Adelaide Street West
Toronto, ON MSH 1T1
Tel: 1 416 972 5082
Fax: 1 416 972 5083
To Damascus And New York, More Than A Message, Truth's I Say
Relations,
I am sitting here beside myself today. At this moment, while sitting back within my head. I am perplexed, am in a funk and don't know who to call. Not that I don't know who to call, it's more like I don't know why. Why would I call someone right now? Part of this learning curve is gaining the independence lost to this meniere's, loss of hearing and consequences of these life altering occurrence's.
I am beyond concerned, afraid and my Spirit's saddened by the news I read about the going on's in Damascus, New York, Queens and the Jersey Shores...
...today, it is a far gone conclusion in my Spirit of Spirit's that the U.S. of A. has turned backs on our Brothers and Sister's in Syria. The time to respond to this Civil War and Genocide was a long time ago. I say this now, because of the truth's of this matter, if the citizens of Syria were as White as the complexion's of our European Neighbours, all of this would have been dealt with, addressed and a new civilian government in place.
Today, my country America, may have a Black Man as our Commander In Chief, our Mr. PRESIDENT Obama, but from the Vice Prez down, the government are White and very much the majority. White as linen sheets, I say, and the majority of these Folks don't give a damn about people of colour. Not their OWN constituents - leave it be if they're concerned about people's of colour in a land far and far away...
...I go further to state that if our Northern neighbours in Canada were to have catastrophic civil unrest, there would be our military along side the Canadian Mounties. Our neighbours to the South are not provided the same respect. Our neighbours to the "South of The Border", are Brown, Red and Black. This White Run government continues to operate on the "Remember The Alamo", mode of operation. The White Ruler's say, "place walls to separate 'them' from us". Who are we?
My Spirit's are horrified by what I have seen occur with Hurricane Sandy. From the Caribbean all the way to the North Eastern States of OUR Country. Great Spirit, please Bless our Brothers and Sister's who have lost Kinfolk, Kindred and Home. Bless them who have crossed over. My heart aches a physical sensation when I contemplate upon what has happened. Hurricanes and the North East? No, it's just not something I have ever heard of or even thought of for that matter. My Good God, it was such a huge storm. I read a caption some where about whether this was "God's Punishment"...
...that is sounds so familiar to me, because I have always thought the abuses I survived and the disease's I carry within this skin are punishments from God.
Look, please don't judge me. I am who I am and have experienced my life's lessons as it was meant to be. I am who I am based on the decisions I made for me and at times the decision's were made to survive what it was that was happening to me at that moment. Yes, there is still an anger that remains tucked away. It is a difficult task to release this anger towards racism, Genocide, hate, War, natural disasters, rape, incest, sexual abuse, disease, hunger...
I am sitting here beside myself today. At this moment, while sitting back within my head. I am perplexed, am in a funk and don't know who to call. Not that I don't know who to call, it's more like I don't know why. Why would I call someone right now? Part of this learning curve is gaining the independence lost to this meniere's, loss of hearing and consequences of these life altering occurrence's.
I am beyond concerned, afraid and my Spirit's saddened by the news I read about the going on's in Damascus, New York, Queens and the Jersey Shores...
...today, it is a far gone conclusion in my Spirit of Spirit's that the U.S. of A. has turned backs on our Brothers and Sister's in Syria. The time to respond to this Civil War and Genocide was a long time ago. I say this now, because of the truth's of this matter, if the citizens of Syria were as White as the complexion's of our European Neighbours, all of this would have been dealt with, addressed and a new civilian government in place.
Today, my country America, may have a Black Man as our Commander In Chief, our Mr. PRESIDENT Obama, but from the Vice Prez down, the government are White and very much the majority. White as linen sheets, I say, and the majority of these Folks don't give a damn about people of colour. Not their OWN constituents - leave it be if they're concerned about people's of colour in a land far and far away...
...I go further to state that if our Northern neighbours in Canada were to have catastrophic civil unrest, there would be our military along side the Canadian Mounties. Our neighbours to the South are not provided the same respect. Our neighbours to the "South of The Border", are Brown, Red and Black. This White Run government continues to operate on the "Remember The Alamo", mode of operation. The White Ruler's say, "place walls to separate 'them' from us". Who are we?
My Spirit's are horrified by what I have seen occur with Hurricane Sandy. From the Caribbean all the way to the North Eastern States of OUR Country. Great Spirit, please Bless our Brothers and Sister's who have lost Kinfolk, Kindred and Home. Bless them who have crossed over. My heart aches a physical sensation when I contemplate upon what has happened. Hurricanes and the North East? No, it's just not something I have ever heard of or even thought of for that matter. My Good God, it was such a huge storm. I read a caption some where about whether this was "God's Punishment"...
...that is sounds so familiar to me, because I have always thought the abuses I survived and the disease's I carry within this skin are punishments from God.
Look, please don't judge me. I am who I am and have experienced my life's lessons as it was meant to be. I am who I am based on the decisions I made for me and at times the decision's were made to survive what it was that was happening to me at that moment. Yes, there is still an anger that remains tucked away. It is a difficult task to release this anger towards racism, Genocide, hate, War, natural disasters, rape, incest, sexual abuse, disease, hunger...
Monday, October 29, 2012
Soon Comes The Fifteen Thousandth Guest
Kin,
By the end of this tonight, 29 October, the 15,000th Guest will have visited this blog. Thus, crossing My Path. The number may not seem like much to some, but to me that sure is a large number of good Folk from around Earth Mother who have taken a few minutes to see what this writer has been up to or what's the latest on my utterances...
...I am very truly humbled by those of you, my Kindred, who stop for a spell. My Good God, 15,000. That right there's alot of Folks where I come from. Have had Guests from Asia and Africa, to China and Russia. Australia to the land of Bjork. Canada to Vietnam. Saying that I am humbled seems to not represent what it is I feel truly about my Guests. Thankful...
...yes, from my Spirit's to all of yours I send much gratitude, respect, love and peace.
I know that there are times and have been times when I have shared from deep within and I am aware that there are times I pepper my language without hesitations. It just would not be me if I didn't. I do speak and do communicate without the profanity - but I bet I'll pull that Ace of Cuss from the pack in a Damned-Hot-lanta minute. There have been times when I am conveying things that are beyond my wildest dreams, beyond my very imagination and have also communicated with my cheeks in the gutter. Meaning I was flat on my face from whatever it was I was going through at that particular minute. Which ever symptom it was I was living then.
I am aware of a few guests who have gone on elsewhere because they are looking for something 'more positive'. Well, there isn't damned much to say that is fucking positive about Meniere's Disease and the shit that comes with it. Positive ain't what you get with this Meniere's. There have been some interesting things come to surface since I saw He-Who-Touched-My-Brain on this last Wednesday. More to do about Meniere's. And oh yes, there really has been a lot to surface - lots to share. I am indebted to the thousands of guests who wish to read truths of what it is that happens to some folks with this invisible disease.
Welcome and pardon the dust. There are renovations going on and from where I have been sitting there is some assembly required. Thank you again to each and every individual fellow Human Spirit who has visited Meniere's Disease, Mario's Path. Many Blessings to You and Your Kin..
By the end of this tonight, 29 October, the 15,000th Guest will have visited this blog. Thus, crossing My Path. The number may not seem like much to some, but to me that sure is a large number of good Folk from around Earth Mother who have taken a few minutes to see what this writer has been up to or what's the latest on my utterances...
...I am very truly humbled by those of you, my Kindred, who stop for a spell. My Good God, 15,000. That right there's alot of Folks where I come from. Have had Guests from Asia and Africa, to China and Russia. Australia to the land of Bjork. Canada to Vietnam. Saying that I am humbled seems to not represent what it is I feel truly about my Guests. Thankful...
...yes, from my Spirit's to all of yours I send much gratitude, respect, love and peace.
I know that there are times and have been times when I have shared from deep within and I am aware that there are times I pepper my language without hesitations. It just would not be me if I didn't. I do speak and do communicate without the profanity - but I bet I'll pull that Ace of Cuss from the pack in a Damned-Hot-lanta minute. There have been times when I am conveying things that are beyond my wildest dreams, beyond my very imagination and have also communicated with my cheeks in the gutter. Meaning I was flat on my face from whatever it was I was going through at that particular minute. Which ever symptom it was I was living then.
I am aware of a few guests who have gone on elsewhere because they are looking for something 'more positive'. Well, there isn't damned much to say that is fucking positive about Meniere's Disease and the shit that comes with it. Positive ain't what you get with this Meniere's. There have been some interesting things come to surface since I saw He-Who-Touched-My-Brain on this last Wednesday. More to do about Meniere's. And oh yes, there really has been a lot to surface - lots to share. I am indebted to the thousands of guests who wish to read truths of what it is that happens to some folks with this invisible disease.
Welcome and pardon the dust. There are renovations going on and from where I have been sitting there is some assembly required. Thank you again to each and every individual fellow Human Spirit who has visited Meniere's Disease, Mario's Path. Many Blessings to You and Your Kin..
Meniere's With An Attitude
Kindred,
Please, I wish to expel a couple, three or few things from my center. Let them drift away with this cool North Eastern breeze...
...the change in weather does my mind, body and Spirit's good. Gives me the urge to call She-Who-Lives-With-The-Cherokee and compare notes on the weather. I would love to speak with my Old Kindred Spirit, but she has been away a spell. Medicine Woman the same-same. I close my eye's and visualize our talks and the exchanges of energies that take place. There are many times in my day-to-day's that I yearn to listen to the voice's of others. I learn by listening to the voice's of others. I thrive and am drawn towards the energies that are shared by my Kindred Spirit's. I miss this exchange in life and on My Path..
...I suspect this is why I have had this other-world like experience and struggle with Meniere's and it's boat load of symptoms. This disease Meniere's, that has taken so much from me, has been and is teaching me lessons of a life I never would have experienced if not for my body stumbling upon it. These lessons are something I am to comprehend and practice. The realization that having this be my Destiny is a subject just breaking through and into this thick skull. To have this Menier's in it's many manifestation's are something that is to be a subject learned and studied beyond a reading here or an article there. Meniere's has now become something for me to conqueror. After these past few years of struggle - now is the time for me to grow a pair and begin to push the processes even further. It is absolutely necessary to establish sure and sound boundaries for me, myself, I and all of the rest of who I am.
Alright, yes it's shitty to wear these shoes sometimes. So what am I going to do about it, I ask myself. Well, I've let this disease drag me along like an old cloth doll and I mean to say, that I permitted this to let me drag low. Low as in having to hire a psychiatrist low. I am in a better place today with the whole emotional mental aspect of my Better Health program. Maybe parts of me ask myself what took me so damned long to cop this attitude. IDK. Today has been a good day to die and has been an awesome day to be alive!
Sounds to like "Papa's Got A Brand New Bag" to me. Papa! Yes, I'm fighting and damn it yes, I am a Surviving Warrior! I'm too damned Hip to let this bullshit disease drag me 'round like that! There is a difference between the angry and the attitude. Thinking the anger thing is getting better managed and the gloom only visits on occasions, I am in a much sounder place. I'm Human. I am certain I could have been sending out my kiss my prostate a long time ago...
...I be got-damned if my Dad always said that we were late bloomers. Well, hell then, here I am!
Please, I wish to expel a couple, three or few things from my center. Let them drift away with this cool North Eastern breeze...
...the change in weather does my mind, body and Spirit's good. Gives me the urge to call She-Who-Lives-With-The-Cherokee and compare notes on the weather. I would love to speak with my Old Kindred Spirit, but she has been away a spell. Medicine Woman the same-same. I close my eye's and visualize our talks and the exchanges of energies that take place. There are many times in my day-to-day's that I yearn to listen to the voice's of others. I learn by listening to the voice's of others. I thrive and am drawn towards the energies that are shared by my Kindred Spirit's. I miss this exchange in life and on My Path..
...I suspect this is why I have had this other-world like experience and struggle with Meniere's and it's boat load of symptoms. This disease Meniere's, that has taken so much from me, has been and is teaching me lessons of a life I never would have experienced if not for my body stumbling upon it. These lessons are something I am to comprehend and practice. The realization that having this be my Destiny is a subject just breaking through and into this thick skull. To have this Menier's in it's many manifestation's are something that is to be a subject learned and studied beyond a reading here or an article there. Meniere's has now become something for me to conqueror. After these past few years of struggle - now is the time for me to grow a pair and begin to push the processes even further. It is absolutely necessary to establish sure and sound boundaries for me, myself, I and all of the rest of who I am.
Alright, yes it's shitty to wear these shoes sometimes. So what am I going to do about it, I ask myself. Well, I've let this disease drag me along like an old cloth doll and I mean to say, that I permitted this to let me drag low. Low as in having to hire a psychiatrist low. I am in a better place today with the whole emotional mental aspect of my Better Health program. Maybe parts of me ask myself what took me so damned long to cop this attitude. IDK. Today has been a good day to die and has been an awesome day to be alive!
Sounds to like "Papa's Got A Brand New Bag" to me. Papa! Yes, I'm fighting and damn it yes, I am a Surviving Warrior! I'm too damned Hip to let this bullshit disease drag me 'round like that! There is a difference between the angry and the attitude. Thinking the anger thing is getting better managed and the gloom only visits on occasions, I am in a much sounder place. I'm Human. I am certain I could have been sending out my kiss my prostate a long time ago...
...I be got-damned if my Dad always said that we were late bloomers. Well, hell then, here I am!
I've Been Living In Dream World
Folks,
Honest to God, this morning I had this realization that I have been living my life in dream world. It boggles my mind to think of the years I have slept away. Both literally and as a figure of sleep. You see, this and that's what this disease Meniere's does to me. I can't speak for Folks who have Meniere's in it's varying degrees of dread, but I am thinking though, that I may share what it is like for me to wear these shoes. I hope that a day will come when I am permitted to talk on behalf the of others. Right now isn't the time...
...right now, IS time to wake up.
I have spoken of the gloom and doom and I harm myself with the very bad talk I permit between these ears. Kindred, I don't accept nor tolerate this language from others, yet I'll destroy the very esteem with these same words. No, it does not make sense, but then it all just seems so irregular to me today. Best to wake up now I say, because today is a beautiful day to die, and I sure want to know that maybe I have woken up and have seen how I have knocked myself stupid and today realize how I bash this self of mine over and over and long enough. And that's enough of that.
I look back and think to myself, what the hell happened? Where have I been? Is this my beautiful wife? Is she my beautiful wife? Is this my wonderful life? I've been living in dream world and all I think of is running away? Running away from WHAT? My Blessings?
I am not a lazy man. I have worked life times and have always been a hard worker for others and looked for my dreams through others. It's time to wake up, because others aren't going to live this life for me. It just won't do. These folks who call me their Kin, don't even know me. How are they going to live or walk with me when their faces are distorted by their truths.
Something happened last night while eating English Sunday Dinner with some very dear friends celebrating a young one's birthday. Have figured it was the unconditional love that is shared between Kindred. Jennifer Lee, thank you so much for such a splendid gathering! I loved every minute of it. Being with you, your awesome children, parents and grandmothers, was all so much alive and full of life. I love you, your Lil' Big Man and your Pretty, Pretty Princess. There have always been something that sparkles when it comes to your parents. And please, your Grand Mothers are extraordinary Women! I love them as if they were my Grands. I would have liked to have stayed much longer - Botswana's back was hurting her so badly and the medications she took were taking affect. I so look forward to our next gathering!
Thank you for the fan-damn-tabulous meal and thank you Jennifer Lee, for being you.
Please, let us know how Godmother's family is doing. That emergency struck like lightening. My Spirit's were moved by the way Great Spirit touched us all last night...
...I wondered, what was the message from God. Lightening strikes when ever it is meant to, as it is written. I believe God was shaking me up and letting me know it's best that I wake up. Now! I've been living in this Dream World and on Dream Time long enough.
Here's a life to live and I want to live it with much gusto! The Meniere's and the suit case of illness's are mine to carry. This is my cross to bear.
Let me get up off my bottom side and live then!
Honest to God, this morning I had this realization that I have been living my life in dream world. It boggles my mind to think of the years I have slept away. Both literally and as a figure of sleep. You see, this and that's what this disease Meniere's does to me. I can't speak for Folks who have Meniere's in it's varying degrees of dread, but I am thinking though, that I may share what it is like for me to wear these shoes. I hope that a day will come when I am permitted to talk on behalf the of others. Right now isn't the time...
...right now, IS time to wake up.
I have spoken of the gloom and doom and I harm myself with the very bad talk I permit between these ears. Kindred, I don't accept nor tolerate this language from others, yet I'll destroy the very esteem with these same words. No, it does not make sense, but then it all just seems so irregular to me today. Best to wake up now I say, because today is a beautiful day to die, and I sure want to know that maybe I have woken up and have seen how I have knocked myself stupid and today realize how I bash this self of mine over and over and long enough. And that's enough of that.
I look back and think to myself, what the hell happened? Where have I been? Is this my beautiful wife? Is she my beautiful wife? Is this my wonderful life? I've been living in dream world and all I think of is running away? Running away from WHAT? My Blessings?
I am not a lazy man. I have worked life times and have always been a hard worker for others and looked for my dreams through others. It's time to wake up, because others aren't going to live this life for me. It just won't do. These folks who call me their Kin, don't even know me. How are they going to live or walk with me when their faces are distorted by their truths.
Something happened last night while eating English Sunday Dinner with some very dear friends celebrating a young one's birthday. Have figured it was the unconditional love that is shared between Kindred. Jennifer Lee, thank you so much for such a splendid gathering! I loved every minute of it. Being with you, your awesome children, parents and grandmothers, was all so much alive and full of life. I love you, your Lil' Big Man and your Pretty, Pretty Princess. There have always been something that sparkles when it comes to your parents. And please, your Grand Mothers are extraordinary Women! I love them as if they were my Grands. I would have liked to have stayed much longer - Botswana's back was hurting her so badly and the medications she took were taking affect. I so look forward to our next gathering!
Thank you for the fan-damn-tabulous meal and thank you Jennifer Lee, for being you.
Please, let us know how Godmother's family is doing. That emergency struck like lightening. My Spirit's were moved by the way Great Spirit touched us all last night...
...I wondered, what was the message from God. Lightening strikes when ever it is meant to, as it is written. I believe God was shaking me up and letting me know it's best that I wake up. Now! I've been living in this Dream World and on Dream Time long enough.
Here's a life to live and I want to live it with much gusto! The Meniere's and the suit case of illness's are mine to carry. This is my cross to bear.
Let me get up off my bottom side and live then!
Thursday, October 25, 2012
He-Who-Touched-My-Brain, A New Diagnosis & My In-Law's
Well then, this has turned into one win-dingy of a day....
...the In-Law's, also known as Nani and Papa Gene, were a hoot and actually quite a comical relief for my day of tests, chats, stress and connections over at He-Who-Touched-My-Brain's clinic. Thank you two so much for the transport and the medicine of laughter. We'll make it to the book store one of these days, I'm sure. Again, thank you ad I Love ya both!
The audio's today were good and the testing reflects that for now the hearing in my right ear remains consistent. These days of the living hearing elevator is a result of the Meniere's and it is something that at this time, we will experiment with by an increase in one medication and then another new tablet for what is a new diagnosis...
...yes, and then this new diagnosis is Migraine's. I don't know what Migraine's are or much about the issue, but have read the reading materials provided by He-Who-Touched-My-Brain and am once again totally in awe with his directing a focus on a diagnosis and then it is so, just like he stated. I have not completed this material yet, this few page report is absolutely jaw dropping. I have decided I will re-read it as many times as necessary to comprehend it's contents. I know that my Doctor has communicated with me in the past about this disorder. I must accept the responsibility for not having my ears. There is also one who is called, She-Who-Lives-With-The-Cherokee, a medicine woman and political advocate who has had talks with me about the subject. My ears were turned off. I'm sorry. To both of you.
In the morning I shall 'open up' the office and coordinate appointment's with my Neurosurgeon. He-Who-Sawed-My-Skull, requests this visit as this all ties in together, somehow - someway, this looks as if it is all connected. M, M. & M., Mario's Meniere's and Migraines. Crap. I will also be scheduling appointment with my primary physician, my Internist. The labs from a week ago should be back by now, so we'll have plenty to discuss.
I am so embarrassed for not following He-Who-Touched-My-Brain's touching base on the potential of these health related issues. Thus far, what I have read indicates my doctor has had another perfect call. Bam! And it was diagnosed.
It is now that I leave this up to Great Spirit and my right good doctor's to guide and direct me. Especially, my dear doctor who introduced me to my third ear. Doctor, thank you so very much for your leadership, for all you have done for my health, for caring and your genuine compassion for your fellow Earth Mates. Thank you also for our face-to-face and taking your time to have our connection today. That means riches to me Doctor! Thank you.
I was able to collect a plethora of literature, reports and web sites that I will be posting here on My Path, over the next few days.
Last but not least...
Sister 'von, welcome back home! Your sweet baby boy is gorgeous! To both of my Dr. Special K's, thank you for your testing and attention to detail. Oh, please read, I know that you Gurrrl's would rather have me call you by your first names, but my dears, you all worked so damned hard in University to get to where you are today. I appreciate that very much, I know that there was a time when a first name basis was in place, but dang, you doctor's bust butt too in this very busy clinic. Besides, I enjoy calling you Doctor Special K, or Dr. B. - the female Dr. B. that is. Thank you to Maddie and Maddie! Suzy Q, get all better! I missed seeing your beautiful face today. And to my Latina sisters, Muchas Gracia's. I am blessed so many times over to have each and every one of you in my life. To have you all be an important part of my Better Health Team, is like having the Dream Team on my side! Oh, how I love you all. And yes, that includes Dr. D. too!
Love, peace and more peace, Mario
...the In-Law's, also known as Nani and Papa Gene, were a hoot and actually quite a comical relief for my day of tests, chats, stress and connections over at He-Who-Touched-My-Brain's clinic. Thank you two so much for the transport and the medicine of laughter. We'll make it to the book store one of these days, I'm sure. Again, thank you ad I Love ya both!
The audio's today were good and the testing reflects that for now the hearing in my right ear remains consistent. These days of the living hearing elevator is a result of the Meniere's and it is something that at this time, we will experiment with by an increase in one medication and then another new tablet for what is a new diagnosis...
...yes, and then this new diagnosis is Migraine's. I don't know what Migraine's are or much about the issue, but have read the reading materials provided by He-Who-Touched-My-Brain and am once again totally in awe with his directing a focus on a diagnosis and then it is so, just like he stated. I have not completed this material yet, this few page report is absolutely jaw dropping. I have decided I will re-read it as many times as necessary to comprehend it's contents. I know that my Doctor has communicated with me in the past about this disorder. I must accept the responsibility for not having my ears. There is also one who is called, She-Who-Lives-With-The-Cherokee, a medicine woman and political advocate who has had talks with me about the subject. My ears were turned off. I'm sorry. To both of you.
In the morning I shall 'open up' the office and coordinate appointment's with my Neurosurgeon. He-Who-Sawed-My-Skull, requests this visit as this all ties in together, somehow - someway, this looks as if it is all connected. M, M. & M., Mario's Meniere's and Migraines. Crap. I will also be scheduling appointment with my primary physician, my Internist. The labs from a week ago should be back by now, so we'll have plenty to discuss.
I am so embarrassed for not following He-Who-Touched-My-Brain's touching base on the potential of these health related issues. Thus far, what I have read indicates my doctor has had another perfect call. Bam! And it was diagnosed.
It is now that I leave this up to Great Spirit and my right good doctor's to guide and direct me. Especially, my dear doctor who introduced me to my third ear. Doctor, thank you so very much for your leadership, for all you have done for my health, for caring and your genuine compassion for your fellow Earth Mates. Thank you also for our face-to-face and taking your time to have our connection today. That means riches to me Doctor! Thank you.
I was able to collect a plethora of literature, reports and web sites that I will be posting here on My Path, over the next few days.
Last but not least...
Sister 'von, welcome back home! Your sweet baby boy is gorgeous! To both of my Dr. Special K's, thank you for your testing and attention to detail. Oh, please read, I know that you Gurrrl's would rather have me call you by your first names, but my dears, you all worked so damned hard in University to get to where you are today. I appreciate that very much, I know that there was a time when a first name basis was in place, but dang, you doctor's bust butt too in this very busy clinic. Besides, I enjoy calling you Doctor Special K, or Dr. B. - the female Dr. B. that is. Thank you to Maddie and Maddie! Suzy Q, get all better! I missed seeing your beautiful face today. And to my Latina sisters, Muchas Gracia's. I am blessed so many times over to have each and every one of you in my life. To have you all be an important part of my Better Health Team, is like having the Dream Team on my side! Oh, how I love you all. And yes, that includes Dr. D. too!
Love, peace and more peace, Mario
Meniere's, He-Who-Touched-My-Brain And I
Good Morning Kindred,
A brief not for now.
Will be visiting with He-Who-Touched-My-Brain, early later on this afternoon. (?) That sounds not correct but I'm leaving it. 'Early later on this afternoon'? Yes, maybe this is okay then. I have decided against composing a list of the same old song that Meniere's stirs in my ears, body and mind. Doctor knows the bull shit I have had to endure. He has been by my side from day one and I trust him with my life. I know he knows this. My Good Right Doctor has had me under saw's, drill's, scalpels and scissors for what I think we both would agree too many times...
...no, there aren't any future surgeries in store. I'm simply eager to communicate my desires and urgency to He-Who-Touched-My-Brain to see if we may try something different. It seems to me that if I am left as is, I am incomplete.
With this Meniere's Disease, I don't like the maddening sensation's that I get over and over again. I take my medicine hoping for a different out come and it always comes back to square one. For shits sake I'm exhausted. Last night was not a good night for sleeping. I have managed with two hours sleep. It is late morning now and I figure if I work this day good and proper, I will not return to slumber until this evening. Good damned day, yes, I've gone from two Meniere's Vertigo attacks in less than one week to have an episode of non-sleep for the second time in two weeks. I even took medication and rested my body, all to no avail. Sleep was fleeting. I am not feeling well this morning and am full of this Meniere's rubbish in my throat, dizzy in my head, the sounds in my ears and am sweating. I am planning on a quick shower prior to leaving for doctor's clinic. Again, today my balance and coordination is unsatisfactory...
...my hearing or lack there of has provided me insight as to what my future has in store. I could have three implants and the bottom line is, is that when all processors are removed - I'll be Deaf.
A brief not for now.
Will be visiting with He-Who-Touched-My-Brain, early later on this afternoon. (?) That sounds not correct but I'm leaving it. 'Early later on this afternoon'? Yes, maybe this is okay then. I have decided against composing a list of the same old song that Meniere's stirs in my ears, body and mind. Doctor knows the bull shit I have had to endure. He has been by my side from day one and I trust him with my life. I know he knows this. My Good Right Doctor has had me under saw's, drill's, scalpels and scissors for what I think we both would agree too many times...
...no, there aren't any future surgeries in store. I'm simply eager to communicate my desires and urgency to He-Who-Touched-My-Brain to see if we may try something different. It seems to me that if I am left as is, I am incomplete.
With this Meniere's Disease, I don't like the maddening sensation's that I get over and over again. I take my medicine hoping for a different out come and it always comes back to square one. For shits sake I'm exhausted. Last night was not a good night for sleeping. I have managed with two hours sleep. It is late morning now and I figure if I work this day good and proper, I will not return to slumber until this evening. Good damned day, yes, I've gone from two Meniere's Vertigo attacks in less than one week to have an episode of non-sleep for the second time in two weeks. I even took medication and rested my body, all to no avail. Sleep was fleeting. I am not feeling well this morning and am full of this Meniere's rubbish in my throat, dizzy in my head, the sounds in my ears and am sweating. I am planning on a quick shower prior to leaving for doctor's clinic. Again, today my balance and coordination is unsatisfactory...
...my hearing or lack there of has provided me insight as to what my future has in store. I could have three implants and the bottom line is, is that when all processors are removed - I'll be Deaf.
Wednesday, October 24, 2012
Yes, It's Late, I Wanted To Share And Talk
Kindred,
Love, peace and more peace...
...yes it is rather late for me as the computer clock doesn't click to 12 mid night. I never did return to bed for sleep. There was in fact a need to lay down post shower due to the sensation's of going into shock. I absolutely was positive that if I did not lie down to let the fans and Air condition cool and calm my body and Spirit's I would have fainted. This episode occurred at roughly 1800.
Today and the all of it's episodes, incidents and Meniere's elated symptoms berating me in public and in private. My mouth fails me sometimes. Almost as if this is a piece of my early childhood revisited. I had a twitch and a stutter in the first, second and second grades. I was medicated as a youngster and provided some heavy ass medications. The guidance came later and then, I was let loose again. Back into the grasping hands of the sexual abuser's, incest and Rape. These perpetrators knew I would maintain a silence as a child. As an adult though, I am this close to shouting out at the top of my asthmatic lungs, the names of the men who took advantage of who was once a pretty damned good kid.
I wonder still, is this Meniere's a punishment for the Sins of my past. I have sinned and have prayed and have asked forgiveness. I think sometimes it i my conscience that permits me to beat myself up. It's easy for me because I have been punishing myself all my life. I contemplate if I pay the price for the sins of my father and his father. I'm simple these day's. I speak truths because why walk around with Two Faces when I have already been Blessed a 'Two Spirit' on My Path...
...which runs parallel to The Red Road.
I am sick of the noises and sounds today and into the night. I even conducted an Auditory Experiment out back by the Cement Pond. I stood still for long periods at a time and listened to the quietude of the Preserve and our sanctuary. The night is very quiet out, not silent, but quiet. Unfortunately, the noises that roar in my left deaf ear far out sound sounds I do really not hear. I am Deaf in this ear. Seen. But the noises and sounds have driven me to the point of dialing the 911 Emergency number a few times. I have positively called He-Who_touched-My-Brain and my doctor has not only answered every call, he has called me on his own initiative to check in on me. Yes. Blessed. And I will pay my good doctor a visit in the afternoon. We will have a face to face and a heart to heart. My Dear God, please let there be something else we can do in combating this Meniere's. Time and time again, I get my hopes up real sharp when I have a stretch of three or four of those good days, only to be disappointed time after time. I might meditate on this idea that just popped to mind - what is it that I might possibly be able to do to increase the processes of my coping mechanisms. Do I have a Business Plan in place? No, I do not. I do know that a part of my study of this Meniere's in My Skin, dictates how my day to day is affected by the Meniere's Vertigo attacks, the sometimes days of constant sleep and then there are the days and nights of no sleep. My emotions are effected because of the way my body is affected by these symptoms and post-Meniere's attack symptoms. Yes, Ma'am, there are the before, the during and the afters's. I have had the opportunity to time staking tip-tap what has happened or what it is that is going on between the two three ears of mine. Speaking of which, I've learned to love all three, my left Deaf ear, my implant and abutment and my right hard of hearing ear. I love them, truly.
Oh yes! While at Sir Dude's office today I had the memory of my going to orchestra's, symphony's, to George Straight and Alan Jackson. Have listened to Elvis and James Brown all my life. Stevie Nicks to Miss Country, Dolly Parton. I have always listened to the voices of the performer's and dissect the band by voice. I would also pick out a random instrument in some large symphony and study the musician while also enjoying the Conductor and the musical master piece being played by many wonderful artist. I've always loved music. Music, talking, being in an audience all changed forever from the Meniere's Disease. I figure I better get the most out of what I have left and load up on my Ipod. Etta James. Diana Ross. Barry White. The Rolling Stones, who just happen to have a new album out! Frank Sinatra and Dean Martin. Sammy "The Candy Man" Davis, Jr. To Jay-Z. Naughty By Nature and Tupac. Hell, I even have a copy of the one Ice-T made back in the day that created all that drama. Ha! Music has created Drama from the first note. I know this based on my life's experience's. Honest.
Good Night. Love, peace and more peace.
Love, peace and more peace...
...yes it is rather late for me as the computer clock doesn't click to 12 mid night. I never did return to bed for sleep. There was in fact a need to lay down post shower due to the sensation's of going into shock. I absolutely was positive that if I did not lie down to let the fans and Air condition cool and calm my body and Spirit's I would have fainted. This episode occurred at roughly 1800.
Today and the all of it's episodes, incidents and Meniere's elated symptoms berating me in public and in private. My mouth fails me sometimes. Almost as if this is a piece of my early childhood revisited. I had a twitch and a stutter in the first, second and second grades. I was medicated as a youngster and provided some heavy ass medications. The guidance came later and then, I was let loose again. Back into the grasping hands of the sexual abuser's, incest and Rape. These perpetrators knew I would maintain a silence as a child. As an adult though, I am this close to shouting out at the top of my asthmatic lungs, the names of the men who took advantage of who was once a pretty damned good kid.
I wonder still, is this Meniere's a punishment for the Sins of my past. I have sinned and have prayed and have asked forgiveness. I think sometimes it i my conscience that permits me to beat myself up. It's easy for me because I have been punishing myself all my life. I contemplate if I pay the price for the sins of my father and his father. I'm simple these day's. I speak truths because why walk around with Two Faces when I have already been Blessed a 'Two Spirit' on My Path...
...which runs parallel to The Red Road.
I am sick of the noises and sounds today and into the night. I even conducted an Auditory Experiment out back by the Cement Pond. I stood still for long periods at a time and listened to the quietude of the Preserve and our sanctuary. The night is very quiet out, not silent, but quiet. Unfortunately, the noises that roar in my left deaf ear far out sound sounds I do really not hear. I am Deaf in this ear. Seen. But the noises and sounds have driven me to the point of dialing the 911 Emergency number a few times. I have positively called He-Who_touched-My-Brain and my doctor has not only answered every call, he has called me on his own initiative to check in on me. Yes. Blessed. And I will pay my good doctor a visit in the afternoon. We will have a face to face and a heart to heart. My Dear God, please let there be something else we can do in combating this Meniere's. Time and time again, I get my hopes up real sharp when I have a stretch of three or four of those good days, only to be disappointed time after time. I might meditate on this idea that just popped to mind - what is it that I might possibly be able to do to increase the processes of my coping mechanisms. Do I have a Business Plan in place? No, I do not. I do know that a part of my study of this Meniere's in My Skin, dictates how my day to day is affected by the Meniere's Vertigo attacks, the sometimes days of constant sleep and then there are the days and nights of no sleep. My emotions are effected because of the way my body is affected by these symptoms and post-Meniere's attack symptoms. Yes, Ma'am, there are the before, the during and the afters's. I have had the opportunity to time staking tip-tap what has happened or what it is that is going on between the two three ears of mine. Speaking of which, I've learned to love all three, my left Deaf ear, my implant and abutment and my right hard of hearing ear. I love them, truly.
Oh yes! While at Sir Dude's office today I had the memory of my going to orchestra's, symphony's, to George Straight and Alan Jackson. Have listened to Elvis and James Brown all my life. Stevie Nicks to Miss Country, Dolly Parton. I have always listened to the voices of the performer's and dissect the band by voice. I would also pick out a random instrument in some large symphony and study the musician while also enjoying the Conductor and the musical master piece being played by many wonderful artist. I've always loved music. Music, talking, being in an audience all changed forever from the Meniere's Disease. I figure I better get the most out of what I have left and load up on my Ipod. Etta James. Diana Ross. Barry White. The Rolling Stones, who just happen to have a new album out! Frank Sinatra and Dean Martin. Sammy "The Candy Man" Davis, Jr. To Jay-Z. Naughty By Nature and Tupac. Hell, I even have a copy of the one Ice-T made back in the day that created all that drama. Ha! Music has created Drama from the first note. I know this based on my life's experience's. Honest.
Good Night. Love, peace and more peace.
My Bus Trip To Therapist, Home, Meniere's & I
Kindred,
Have been home from appointment with Sir Dude for a few minutes. The bus trip to and back were eventful one's. On the way over to Sir Dude's office it was necessary that I sit in the rear of the bus. There were two passengers already on the Lil' Blue Bus and both sat in the front of the vehicle. Well, that stirred me up good and plenty. Goodness Gracious, I got to deal with new rounds of nausea that provoked from places different than usual. The motions created by my transport intensified the dizziness damned near to a drunken state and the clatter of the rear of the bus and sounds within made the trip almost unbearable. Thought I was to hurl and thought wrong. Thank You Great Spirit! I just remembered that it is my responsibility to bring along a receptacle with which to catch the whatever''s may be in my stomach or not at any given time. Effective today, I shall carry within my over-the-shoulder two or three bags. For them just in case's. Like earlier today. Oh yes, I also for what ever reason, had switched to the left side of the bus this morning. Which is something I have never done, I enjoy sitting on the right of the bus because I want to see the fool who bashes into the side of my Lil' Blue Bus. Oh, and them trucks and large vehicles were startle buttons every time one passed us by. Speaking of passing us by, on our way home from therapy I noticed while Miss. Driver slowed to a halt at a Rail Road Crossing that there were drivers in their vehicles zooming us by. No, I mean to share that there is no respect at all for the Bus, the driver or the passengers. I asked Miss. Driver, if there have ever been smashes from the rear because of us coming to a stop. My dear shared with me the truth that she summed up in three words, "all the time". Well, I guess I know now. Never did know before today though. Look, I have to tell the truth about something, for the first time ever, I did not wear my seat belt on the way over to Sir Dude's office. It was that whole left side, sitting on wrong end of the bus thing and thinking I was to hurl, stupid type excuses. This afternoon hearing her state, "all the time", just like that too, not "ALL THE TIME!", but quite truly a chilling, "all the time". With such very matter of fact tone, that there was a lesson right then. I know what time it is. I knew what time it was this morning too, but now I really know that I will never go without my seat belt again. Note and promise to self. Alright then.
My urges are pulling me to bed for a return to slumber. It is such that I know if I were to entertain the very notion, I would sleep the remainder of this 24th day of October, 2012. And, I really don't want this to happen. I am fighting this urge and am compelled to make it so that I not sleep until early evening. The Sun is setting earlier these Florida Fall day's and the night seems longer than ever life. My eye lids are heavy and I so wish to remove the articles of clothing on my skin for a return to Dream World. But I won't. If I did so now I would consider such a failure on my part.
After sending out this communique I plan to step out of doors for a spell, Get on my hands and knees and tend to one of my gardens. Touch Earth Mother and be mindful of same. I feel connected to my church. Because I am connected to and with my Church. I do not require the finery of expensive statues and stained glass and their dogma's...
...I am alive in my church quite simply because I am a living and breathing particle on the surface of the beautiful Orb we all live on. I am a representative of my Faith and Beliefs. There are Kin in my circle who desire to speak of their church or their place of worship only to create debates and share with me how it is I am supposed to behave. Believe. Walk. In. My. Shoes. Thus, I do not speak much about who or what my Spiritual beliefs are. I do not require the verbal intercourse nor the debates of those with Two Faces. I am aware and have knowledge My Path. My God.
My visit with Sir Dude was an excellent one. Much was talked about and plenty was shared. For some reason, my Right Good, Sir Dude, finds my motivations so positive and quite up lifting. I can feel his excitement, which is something that my Spirit's enjoy being part of. There are times when I am able to read his amusement with the one he knows as Mario, as he clearly displays this on his face. Yes, Kin I agree that this is the therapist meant for me during this period on My Path. I trust him and believe as of today that it is him and I, as a team of two. No longer the third one necessary. Odd how it is that prayers are answered in the way they do and it is amazing to learn from the decisions of others and observe from a distance the consequences of them. I am Blessed to have this therapist in my life. For now, I consider the truths and that it is best I keep in the loop with Sir Dude. So I do. When the time comes, we will have a talk to formulate a plan of action for an exit. Until then, Sir Dude and I learn from and are entertained by one another. There is a connection here, very close to the way it was I lived when Stewie was my therapist. Those are days I'll never forget and I so do love her as a dear friend and Kindred One. Our relationship has always been established on trust, meaning Stewie and I, and I sure am placing a life worth of trust with Sir Dude. A betrayal in my eyes would be near catastrophic. In my business, with the business of my business there must be trust. Period. It is this and it is like that. No in between. When a trust has been broken or sabotaged then My Path forks off and I keep on moving. It's simple like that, you see? My Better State of Physical and Emotional Health is paramount - THIS is My Business. If I can not trust one who is a vendor or is under my employ, then, the relationship is terminated.I've said enough.
My ears are full. My right one pops on the occasion. I listen to the random sounds and noises that dwell within my head. Loudly.
I am dizzy with a tipsy sort of manner. Knowing that whether in or out of doors, I must walk with a purpose. My gait has been affected as my balance and coordination are way off a center that I don't know of. My throat is sore from the urge to purge. I must push on, as this sits right here at the base of my neck, beneath my Adams apple and right at my chest line.
I feel the need to remove myself from the inside...
...my Spirit's wish to enjoy the out of doors and be a part of Outside. So, I'm out of here. Peace.
Have been home from appointment with Sir Dude for a few minutes. The bus trip to and back were eventful one's. On the way over to Sir Dude's office it was necessary that I sit in the rear of the bus. There were two passengers already on the Lil' Blue Bus and both sat in the front of the vehicle. Well, that stirred me up good and plenty. Goodness Gracious, I got to deal with new rounds of nausea that provoked from places different than usual. The motions created by my transport intensified the dizziness damned near to a drunken state and the clatter of the rear of the bus and sounds within made the trip almost unbearable. Thought I was to hurl and thought wrong. Thank You Great Spirit! I just remembered that it is my responsibility to bring along a receptacle with which to catch the whatever''s may be in my stomach or not at any given time. Effective today, I shall carry within my over-the-shoulder two or three bags. For them just in case's. Like earlier today. Oh yes, I also for what ever reason, had switched to the left side of the bus this morning. Which is something I have never done, I enjoy sitting on the right of the bus because I want to see the fool who bashes into the side of my Lil' Blue Bus. Oh, and them trucks and large vehicles were startle buttons every time one passed us by. Speaking of passing us by, on our way home from therapy I noticed while Miss. Driver slowed to a halt at a Rail Road Crossing that there were drivers in their vehicles zooming us by. No, I mean to share that there is no respect at all for the Bus, the driver or the passengers. I asked Miss. Driver, if there have ever been smashes from the rear because of us coming to a stop. My dear shared with me the truth that she summed up in three words, "all the time". Well, I guess I know now. Never did know before today though. Look, I have to tell the truth about something, for the first time ever, I did not wear my seat belt on the way over to Sir Dude's office. It was that whole left side, sitting on wrong end of the bus thing and thinking I was to hurl, stupid type excuses. This afternoon hearing her state, "all the time", just like that too, not "ALL THE TIME!", but quite truly a chilling, "all the time". With such very matter of fact tone, that there was a lesson right then. I know what time it is. I knew what time it was this morning too, but now I really know that I will never go without my seat belt again. Note and promise to self. Alright then.
My urges are pulling me to bed for a return to slumber. It is such that I know if I were to entertain the very notion, I would sleep the remainder of this 24th day of October, 2012. And, I really don't want this to happen. I am fighting this urge and am compelled to make it so that I not sleep until early evening. The Sun is setting earlier these Florida Fall day's and the night seems longer than ever life. My eye lids are heavy and I so wish to remove the articles of clothing on my skin for a return to Dream World. But I won't. If I did so now I would consider such a failure on my part.
After sending out this communique I plan to step out of doors for a spell, Get on my hands and knees and tend to one of my gardens. Touch Earth Mother and be mindful of same. I feel connected to my church. Because I am connected to and with my Church. I do not require the finery of expensive statues and stained glass and their dogma's...
...I am alive in my church quite simply because I am a living and breathing particle on the surface of the beautiful Orb we all live on. I am a representative of my Faith and Beliefs. There are Kin in my circle who desire to speak of their church or their place of worship only to create debates and share with me how it is I am supposed to behave. Believe. Walk. In. My. Shoes. Thus, I do not speak much about who or what my Spiritual beliefs are. I do not require the verbal intercourse nor the debates of those with Two Faces. I am aware and have knowledge My Path. My God.
My visit with Sir Dude was an excellent one. Much was talked about and plenty was shared. For some reason, my Right Good, Sir Dude, finds my motivations so positive and quite up lifting. I can feel his excitement, which is something that my Spirit's enjoy being part of. There are times when I am able to read his amusement with the one he knows as Mario, as he clearly displays this on his face. Yes, Kin I agree that this is the therapist meant for me during this period on My Path. I trust him and believe as of today that it is him and I, as a team of two. No longer the third one necessary. Odd how it is that prayers are answered in the way they do and it is amazing to learn from the decisions of others and observe from a distance the consequences of them. I am Blessed to have this therapist in my life. For now, I consider the truths and that it is best I keep in the loop with Sir Dude. So I do. When the time comes, we will have a talk to formulate a plan of action for an exit. Until then, Sir Dude and I learn from and are entertained by one another. There is a connection here, very close to the way it was I lived when Stewie was my therapist. Those are days I'll never forget and I so do love her as a dear friend and Kindred One. Our relationship has always been established on trust, meaning Stewie and I, and I sure am placing a life worth of trust with Sir Dude. A betrayal in my eyes would be near catastrophic. In my business, with the business of my business there must be trust. Period. It is this and it is like that. No in between. When a trust has been broken or sabotaged then My Path forks off and I keep on moving. It's simple like that, you see? My Better State of Physical and Emotional Health is paramount - THIS is My Business. If I can not trust one who is a vendor or is under my employ, then, the relationship is terminated.I've said enough.
My ears are full. My right one pops on the occasion. I listen to the random sounds and noises that dwell within my head. Loudly.
I am dizzy with a tipsy sort of manner. Knowing that whether in or out of doors, I must walk with a purpose. My gait has been affected as my balance and coordination are way off a center that I don't know of. My throat is sore from the urge to purge. I must push on, as this sits right here at the base of my neck, beneath my Adams apple and right at my chest line.
I feel the need to remove myself from the inside...
...my Spirit's wish to enjoy the out of doors and be a part of Outside. So, I'm out of here. Peace.
Post Attack x2 Days And An Appt. With Sir Dude
Dear Sir Dude,
I confirm our scheduled gathering at 1145. I will not be wearing bells this morning as I am dragging my ass along the tile here in Lodge, but I'll be there.
It has been a while since the last I had two Meniere's vertigo attacks with in one week. No, this is not the first this has occurred. I must admit a huge disappoint, yet not the slightest bit surprised. In the morrow I shall visit with He-Who-Touched-My-Brain. Later today I shall compose a list of issues I wish to speak with him about. This is what works best for me, you see, I am the sort that will visit my doctor's and seem to me I'll forget to report an issue of some kind or another. Not that there's anything new with the Meniere's, just a matter of communications.
If not for my commitment to self, family and future, I would have called him last night as I have done in the past, post attack. I am absolutely miserable at this moment. I have slept all but a couple of hours since this most recent attack and would much rather be asleep at this moment. The dizziness wraps itself around my head as if I were wearing a ball cap. The nausea is at the base of my throat and I perspire lightly. I must keep on truckin'.
I really must be off to keep an eye on the car port. I would hate it if I missed my Lil' Blue Bus because I could not hear it pull up. No, the drivers do not toot the horn to alert me and now that I think about it I may call this request in. I do feel like such a dweeb standing there at the door way like a good little boy waiting for the bus...
...maybe I am. A good boy. You know I get myself all wound up about these bus trips. Yes, I do too. I don't know how many times I have walked to my front doors to check. Perhaps if all goes well with my travels and visit, I'll hop back on later.
p.s. Yes, I have taken my medication's.
I confirm our scheduled gathering at 1145. I will not be wearing bells this morning as I am dragging my ass along the tile here in Lodge, but I'll be there.
It has been a while since the last I had two Meniere's vertigo attacks with in one week. No, this is not the first this has occurred. I must admit a huge disappoint, yet not the slightest bit surprised. In the morrow I shall visit with He-Who-Touched-My-Brain. Later today I shall compose a list of issues I wish to speak with him about. This is what works best for me, you see, I am the sort that will visit my doctor's and seem to me I'll forget to report an issue of some kind or another. Not that there's anything new with the Meniere's, just a matter of communications.
If not for my commitment to self, family and future, I would have called him last night as I have done in the past, post attack. I am absolutely miserable at this moment. I have slept all but a couple of hours since this most recent attack and would much rather be asleep at this moment. The dizziness wraps itself around my head as if I were wearing a ball cap. The nausea is at the base of my throat and I perspire lightly. I must keep on truckin'.
I really must be off to keep an eye on the car port. I would hate it if I missed my Lil' Blue Bus because I could not hear it pull up. No, the drivers do not toot the horn to alert me and now that I think about it I may call this request in. I do feel like such a dweeb standing there at the door way like a good little boy waiting for the bus...
...maybe I am. A good boy. You know I get myself all wound up about these bus trips. Yes, I do too. I don't know how many times I have walked to my front doors to check. Perhaps if all goes well with my travels and visit, I'll hop back on later.
p.s. Yes, I have taken my medication's.
Monday, October 22, 2012
Vertigo Attack Struck @ 1715 Today
At roughly 1715 this afternoon I was struck by a Meniere's attack that was so bad it affected my breathing. The abruptness was so sudden I was afraid I was going to faint. It's kind of - sort of like the sensation of going into shock. This fainting uncontrollable dizziness that sent me swirling and the necessitating of a major time out. All activity was postponed for the remainder of the day. My balance and coordination were off and I don't want to become yet another statistic. There were stumbles and miss-steps but no falls.
I was sweating profusely. So much so my camo shorts were wet from the sweat. I went without a shirt for the most of day. For me, sweating is another symptom of going into shock, but in this case it was a Meniere's attack gone way bad.
The nausea was so severe it felt as if the nausea occupied my upper torso. My upper chest, stomach and throat, all felt full and ready to expel. I knew all I had to do was stand in front of the commode. Sometimes I make it, sometimes I don't. Vomit happens.
I laid in bed for over an hour where I was able to gather myself and thoughts. Laid there with the air condition on, the ceiling fan and our room box fan blowing cool breeze across my body. I can still feel a slight bit of that awful feeling in the back of my throat, neck and head...
...if for some reason the day comes when I do go into a state of shock home alone, I speculate that the consequence of same would not be too much in my favor. We have looked into the Medic Alert Systems, but all are too expensive. Soon time to purchase a vibrating alarm clock for my bed. I do not hear the alarms on my present clock. The telephone in the bedroom is needing to be replaced with one that is built for people's who are hard of hearing, I am unable to hear telephone ring really just inches from my face and bobble head.
The noises and sounds have been disgusting torture since the attack. There was a span of several minutes when I thought seriously about calling He-Who-Touched-My-brain. The horrendous loud and growing louder "awwwwwww", that would subside a little then return even louder and for a longer duration. This went on for approximately one hour.
Spiders scurry and the worms squirm around between my scalp and skull.
The popping continues in both ears. The right ear affected the worst. All day. Every day. *POP*
I have served myself well be keeping self awake. My neck is so pained. So are the door bells of pain scattered about the left side of my skull. I will apply acupressure in a short spell. For now, I burp to ease the nausea. I wear a band of perspiration around my head and neck. Yes, my Kindred, I have taken all ordered medications as directed. Soon, I'll be in my safe place for rest and sleep.
Until the next time.
I was sweating profusely. So much so my camo shorts were wet from the sweat. I went without a shirt for the most of day. For me, sweating is another symptom of going into shock, but in this case it was a Meniere's attack gone way bad.
The nausea was so severe it felt as if the nausea occupied my upper torso. My upper chest, stomach and throat, all felt full and ready to expel. I knew all I had to do was stand in front of the commode. Sometimes I make it, sometimes I don't. Vomit happens.
I laid in bed for over an hour where I was able to gather myself and thoughts. Laid there with the air condition on, the ceiling fan and our room box fan blowing cool breeze across my body. I can still feel a slight bit of that awful feeling in the back of my throat, neck and head...
...if for some reason the day comes when I do go into a state of shock home alone, I speculate that the consequence of same would not be too much in my favor. We have looked into the Medic Alert Systems, but all are too expensive. Soon time to purchase a vibrating alarm clock for my bed. I do not hear the alarms on my present clock. The telephone in the bedroom is needing to be replaced with one that is built for people's who are hard of hearing, I am unable to hear telephone ring really just inches from my face and bobble head.
The noises and sounds have been disgusting torture since the attack. There was a span of several minutes when I thought seriously about calling He-Who-Touched-My-brain. The horrendous loud and growing louder "awwwwwww", that would subside a little then return even louder and for a longer duration. This went on for approximately one hour.
Spiders scurry and the worms squirm around between my scalp and skull.
The popping continues in both ears. The right ear affected the worst. All day. Every day. *POP*
I have served myself well be keeping self awake. My neck is so pained. So are the door bells of pain scattered about the left side of my skull. I will apply acupressure in a short spell. For now, I burp to ease the nausea. I wear a band of perspiration around my head and neck. Yes, my Kindred, I have taken all ordered medications as directed. Soon, I'll be in my safe place for rest and sleep.
Until the next time.
Managing Hearing Loss, Hearing Health
Relations,
In the most recent publication of Hearing Health, Fall 2012, there is an article titled, "Hope to Cope". The inner ear disorder known as Meniere's disease can lead to depression and anxiety. By Mary Alm, Ph.D.
Hearing Health is A Publication of Hearing Health Foundation and is considered to be The Ultimate Consumer Resource on Hearing.
You might read this article at www.hearinghealthmag.com.
"For more on depression and hearing loss, please see the web extra for this story at www.hearinghealthmag.com".
This publication is always chock full of interesting stories, articles and products for those of us who are Deaf and or are HH, Hard of Hearing. I truly look forward to it's arrival in the mail and read it literally cover to cover.
Be well. Mario
In the most recent publication of Hearing Health, Fall 2012, there is an article titled, "Hope to Cope". The inner ear disorder known as Meniere's disease can lead to depression and anxiety. By Mary Alm, Ph.D.
Hearing Health is A Publication of Hearing Health Foundation and is considered to be The Ultimate Consumer Resource on Hearing.
You might read this article at www.hearinghealthmag.com.
"For more on depression and hearing loss, please see the web extra for this story at www.hearinghealthmag.com".
This publication is always chock full of interesting stories, articles and products for those of us who are Deaf and or are HH, Hard of Hearing. I truly look forward to it's arrival in the mail and read it literally cover to cover.
Be well. Mario
Monday Morning Meniere's
Woke this Monday morning at nine, screaming out my wife's name and rushing to the great room to realize that she was at work and had been away from home a spell. I could still catch a whiff of the fragrance she wore this morning. That's something I know my dear appreciates, very nice fragrances. Just like her Old Goat.
I make it my purpose to fight the sleep now. It's the same old song, just has a different beat. I have stoped keeping track of the hours but I can sadly share that I slept through the majority of my birth week and week end. There was no way that I was able to combat that sleep. No. None. Just sleep. And dream.
This morning my body and innards feel worse than yesterday. Pained, ache and sore. Even these finger knuckle's ache, and no this is not arthritis. Degenerative Bone Disease is supposedly the same thing, I don't know, but I do know what it feels like to live in constant states of pain due to degenerative bone disease of the cervical spine and lower lumber. What can I do? It's in the blood.
The Meniere's are peculiarly subtle right now. They're here yes, just under radar. Am hesitant to say much because I do not wish to jinx myself. I am sweating, yes, and nauseated too. The dizziness has me afloat. All on an even plane. The noises on the other hand are a topic of and all within themselves. I've been listening to what sounds like baby chickens beeping for the Mother to come home with a meal. No, I didn't say chirp, these loud little chicks are yellow and fluffy and are beeping like motherfuckers in my left Deaf ear. Yes! Louder than Jimi's, "Hey Joe".
Wait. There has been a gap in time pertaining to the usage of profanity. I used to drop them regularly. Like a Sailor. I have taken a step back into certain chambers of my brain and mind and realize I attempt to not use the profanity because of or for the sake of an other. What? Did I forget who tip-taps these letters onto this screen. Yes, I think I have. What the fuck?
Once I have shared a bit here I may step out back to my bird and butterfly garden. I heard the shriek of Hawk, my Feathered Cousin earlier this morning. The tone of the shriek indicated an unpleasant situation for something over here in the preserve.
I ate a break fast. Listening to Jimi. Fed Uncle Chester and Aunt Helen. I want to sleep. Badly.
I make it my purpose to fight the sleep now. It's the same old song, just has a different beat. I have stoped keeping track of the hours but I can sadly share that I slept through the majority of my birth week and week end. There was no way that I was able to combat that sleep. No. None. Just sleep. And dream.
This morning my body and innards feel worse than yesterday. Pained, ache and sore. Even these finger knuckle's ache, and no this is not arthritis. Degenerative Bone Disease is supposedly the same thing, I don't know, but I do know what it feels like to live in constant states of pain due to degenerative bone disease of the cervical spine and lower lumber. What can I do? It's in the blood.
The Meniere's are peculiarly subtle right now. They're here yes, just under radar. Am hesitant to say much because I do not wish to jinx myself. I am sweating, yes, and nauseated too. The dizziness has me afloat. All on an even plane. The noises on the other hand are a topic of and all within themselves. I've been listening to what sounds like baby chickens beeping for the Mother to come home with a meal. No, I didn't say chirp, these loud little chicks are yellow and fluffy and are beeping like motherfuckers in my left Deaf ear. Yes! Louder than Jimi's, "Hey Joe".
Wait. There has been a gap in time pertaining to the usage of profanity. I used to drop them regularly. Like a Sailor. I have taken a step back into certain chambers of my brain and mind and realize I attempt to not use the profanity because of or for the sake of an other. What? Did I forget who tip-taps these letters onto this screen. Yes, I think I have. What the fuck?
Once I have shared a bit here I may step out back to my bird and butterfly garden. I heard the shriek of Hawk, my Feathered Cousin earlier this morning. The tone of the shriek indicated an unpleasant situation for something over here in the preserve.
I ate a break fast. Listening to Jimi. Fed Uncle Chester and Aunt Helen. I want to sleep. Badly.
Sunday, October 21, 2012
Meniere's Attack, Thursday 18 Oct. In The P.M.
It was sometime Thursday afternoon or early evening when the Meniere's Attacked happened and stomped on me quite well. I was actually laying down on my bed in my safe place at the time when this vertigo attack struck. There's this symptom that has happened only on a rare occurrence and is the one that I strongly believe is provoked by my eye movement. I had been laying down and doing acupressure on my neck, upper spine and scalp. Awesome! Shortly after I completed what I thought was a fair amount of time on these very sharp pointed pricks. I lifted my head to remove this pillow with acupressure - I for what ever reason looked up and at the ceiling fan. When I did, it was as if the fan had stopped for a micro-second. For me in was mind warping and I feel certain this is what threw me full speed ahead into an attack that has had consequence's since Thursday's sometime.
Motion, has in fact perpetuated Meniere's attacks or the Vertigo attacks in the past. In my skin and in this brain and ear holes it's always, the same - same. It becomes a part or way of life.
Honestly. Yes.
Since Thursday, of last week 18 October, I have slept approximately sixty five hours and I think I may be taking it easy on the numbers piece right there. It was late morning, this morn when I awoke and decided to remove myself from my bed and safe place to begin the 'dealing processes'...
...it is now time that I battle the sleep and slumber. God, yes at one time this was my biggest complaint. The sleep does me well I believe but it also renders me helpless when sleeping while there is no one else near by. Yes, I grow scared when I have these simply horrifying attacks. Me and my sub-conscience know there is some sleep in store. There just isn't a disengage button for this business of Meniere's Disease. No. no secret key neither.
The sweating was very poor with a lot of sweating. At times it was best that I went without a shirt. Nausea was high, although non-productive. Dizziness has been too bad, and it has affected my sight which requires purpose while having and sending out this communique. The spiders and worms have been active. There have been a couple of times when I've slapped my scalp in the hopes that it would scatter the nerve endings. No.
I have been bombarded by the noises and sounds from this most recent vertigo and Meniere's attack. This one has placed a fine ass stomping upon me and my once again slimming body. My jaw bones hurt! How does that sound? The soles of my feet to the top of my shaved skull and scalp ache and hurt. Yes, I did the grooming myself. Heck, with the amount of hair I have remaining, it is my business Ma'am, to feed, enrich, love and take darling care of all this. Nothing fake or artificial, just good medicine for the body by the aloe or coconut. Coffee bean too.
Right. And then, I share with you my Right Good Guests that the meniere's and vertigo attacks are dreadful and exhausting. The pains are not created in the mind, the mind is picking up the pain sensors from those areas.
These very long periods of sleep compel me into a deep state of Dream World. A deep state of awareness of being alive and well in another dimension. Sometimes, like this most current attack, Friday, for example, I slept practically twenty four hours - but it had been interrupted. I and my being had to disengage in a harsh and difficult manner. I and all myself were turned off. My body parts play well together. Dreams so deep I am speaking and carrying on conversations with Relations, while understanding and comprehending...
...I stopped analyzing years ago.
There has been too much popping going on in my right ear hole to the brain. Both ears have popped, but the right has popped many times more over than the left Deaf ear hole to the brain. And yes, that part remains within my skull. I just can't listen to real stuff because I am OOS, Out Of Sound, on the left side. Also known as Single Side Deaf. Being this way is an oddity,..
...it is an anomaly that I am able to listen to noise and sound in my left ear.
...solidifies that I have always been an oddity. En'it?
Motion, has in fact perpetuated Meniere's attacks or the Vertigo attacks in the past. In my skin and in this brain and ear holes it's always, the same - same. It becomes a part or way of life.
Honestly. Yes.
Since Thursday, of last week 18 October, I have slept approximately sixty five hours and I think I may be taking it easy on the numbers piece right there. It was late morning, this morn when I awoke and decided to remove myself from my bed and safe place to begin the 'dealing processes'...
...it is now time that I battle the sleep and slumber. God, yes at one time this was my biggest complaint. The sleep does me well I believe but it also renders me helpless when sleeping while there is no one else near by. Yes, I grow scared when I have these simply horrifying attacks. Me and my sub-conscience know there is some sleep in store. There just isn't a disengage button for this business of Meniere's Disease. No. no secret key neither.
The sweating was very poor with a lot of sweating. At times it was best that I went without a shirt. Nausea was high, although non-productive. Dizziness has been too bad, and it has affected my sight which requires purpose while having and sending out this communique. The spiders and worms have been active. There have been a couple of times when I've slapped my scalp in the hopes that it would scatter the nerve endings. No.
I have been bombarded by the noises and sounds from this most recent vertigo and Meniere's attack. This one has placed a fine ass stomping upon me and my once again slimming body. My jaw bones hurt! How does that sound? The soles of my feet to the top of my shaved skull and scalp ache and hurt. Yes, I did the grooming myself. Heck, with the amount of hair I have remaining, it is my business Ma'am, to feed, enrich, love and take darling care of all this. Nothing fake or artificial, just good medicine for the body by the aloe or coconut. Coffee bean too.
Right. And then, I share with you my Right Good Guests that the meniere's and vertigo attacks are dreadful and exhausting. The pains are not created in the mind, the mind is picking up the pain sensors from those areas.
These very long periods of sleep compel me into a deep state of Dream World. A deep state of awareness of being alive and well in another dimension. Sometimes, like this most current attack, Friday, for example, I slept practically twenty four hours - but it had been interrupted. I and my being had to disengage in a harsh and difficult manner. I and all myself were turned off. My body parts play well together. Dreams so deep I am speaking and carrying on conversations with Relations, while understanding and comprehending...
...I stopped analyzing years ago.
There has been too much popping going on in my right ear hole to the brain. Both ears have popped, but the right has popped many times more over than the left Deaf ear hole to the brain. And yes, that part remains within my skull. I just can't listen to real stuff because I am OOS, Out Of Sound, on the left side. Also known as Single Side Deaf. Being this way is an oddity,..
...it is an anomaly that I am able to listen to noise and sound in my left ear.
...solidifies that I have always been an oddity. En'it?
Thursday, October 18, 2012
Angel's
I have been blessed with having an Angel of my Dreams as my wife. Her name is Brenda and I met her for the first time back in 1974. We were married in 1980 and have been husband and wife since. Thirty two years and planing on making it to fifty years of marriage, then I figure we'll move up to some shack in the hills and mountains of Tennessee, N.E. Georgia or North Carolina. On second thought, our fiftieth is like eighteen years from now and I don't reckon I want to wait too long to go ahead and bust that move. The mountains call me by my first name.
I feel it's the right thing to do for the Angel of my Dreams. For me, it would be an honorable thing to live and dwell in the same areas as my Kinfolk and them who came before me. Florida is my home state, yes and I know it like the back of my hands. To include high ways and by-ways and back roads, but a change comes soon. I sense this. And it is a powerful energy that draws me to this area of the South Eastern United States. These are the lands of heritage. As long as the drum beats within my heart, I will become like part of a season and head Up Down South.
That Angel of mine has blessed me time after time. We have two beautiful and extraordinary daughters. We have a handsome lodge and this small piece of Mother Earth is blessed as our sanctuary for Kin and stranger alike. For our four legged friends and our feathered cousins too. All who visit are safe here. If hungry we will eat - if thirsty we will drink.
The Angel of my Dreams has taught me many lessons. Her Native name is She-Who-Walks-Tall. She's all of five foot, but damn it, she sure does walk tall. She has forgiven me for irresponsible decisions I made as a young man. Placing myself in dangerous situations and positions. Living a life that was sick in so many respects. She walked with me and we made it through some really difficult times. I am Blessed to have her as the Angel of my Dreams...
...who was reunited with me shortly after I left the military by my Earth Angel. If not for my Earth Angel, I'm not too sure that the Angel of my Dreams and I would have been reunited. I am indebted to my Earth Angel, who has the name, She-Who-Lives-Amongst-The-Cherokee. I love them both so much. I understand and am filled with gratitude to have the blessings of two Angel's. Then, if I were to add on my daughters, I would have four! Oh my, Angel of my Dreams.
I feel it's the right thing to do for the Angel of my Dreams. For me, it would be an honorable thing to live and dwell in the same areas as my Kinfolk and them who came before me. Florida is my home state, yes and I know it like the back of my hands. To include high ways and by-ways and back roads, but a change comes soon. I sense this. And it is a powerful energy that draws me to this area of the South Eastern United States. These are the lands of heritage. As long as the drum beats within my heart, I will become like part of a season and head Up Down South.
That Angel of mine has blessed me time after time. We have two beautiful and extraordinary daughters. We have a handsome lodge and this small piece of Mother Earth is blessed as our sanctuary for Kin and stranger alike. For our four legged friends and our feathered cousins too. All who visit are safe here. If hungry we will eat - if thirsty we will drink.
The Angel of my Dreams has taught me many lessons. Her Native name is She-Who-Walks-Tall. She's all of five foot, but damn it, she sure does walk tall. She has forgiven me for irresponsible decisions I made as a young man. Placing myself in dangerous situations and positions. Living a life that was sick in so many respects. She walked with me and we made it through some really difficult times. I am Blessed to have her as the Angel of my Dreams...
...who was reunited with me shortly after I left the military by my Earth Angel. If not for my Earth Angel, I'm not too sure that the Angel of my Dreams and I would have been reunited. I am indebted to my Earth Angel, who has the name, She-Who-Lives-Amongst-The-Cherokee. I love them both so much. I understand and am filled with gratitude to have the blessings of two Angel's. Then, if I were to add on my daughters, I would have four! Oh my, Angel of my Dreams.
Meniere's At 0300 On A Thursday Wee Morning
Good Morning Relations,
Yes, I am here attempting to relax. Trying to relax these arms, legs and back while sitting here sending out this communique. The relaxing thing has been difficult to make so, due to the exhaustion that my physical state presents. My structure as a whole aches and is pained to some degree or another. I believe that yesterdays Day Trip and the procedures at She-Who-Snips-And-Cuts, really got to me. My Cervical Spine and neck are very uncomfortable. The pain travels down my left shoulder then down further to my upper arm. There have been times when bringing in a good inhale of breathe that a sharp stabbing pain strikes in my right lower lung.
My palms tell me a story.
This wee morning presents issues with the noises and sounds and a reminder to share an experience I had this afternoon. It was just about 1600 and I was sitting right in this very chair listening to music, when I heard just as loud and clear as air, four knocks on the other side of the screen. I mean, it startled me real quick like too. It was so clear and so sure that I turned the volume down on the ipod to have a listen. And listened and observed the conduct of our hounds. Chi-Chi was in the great room, and Hershall and Ting Ting were in here with me. Not a note of interest from them, so I called a time out and washed that rubbish from my hair. Please, my intention is to share with you that because of Meniere's Disease, I do in fact experience audible hallucinations. I know this as fact and would testify before the Senate to see why there is not more funds going towards the study and research of this sickening Meniere's.
There has been the beep of a beacon beeping in my deaf left ear. Steady this wee hour - just a constant beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Over and over, with out ceasing. The right ear has the sound of cicadas. Cicadas alone and by the thousands! So damned loud. These audio symptoms while listening to the Parliament. Fight these obnoxious ass sounds with sounds. Sometimes I wonder.
The spiders have been active today and into the night. Arbitrary ass stuff - just up and scurry about the left side of my head between my scalp and skull. In our Lodge spiders are not funny. We live in Florida, you see, and Hun, we often times get these monster looking, prehistoric arachnid's that quite simply scare this grown ass man. And yes, I have been known to let out a yell or a holler. No shame here Folks, some of these critters are poisonous and can do same pretty ugly destruction to one's flesh and skin. Enough of that. The one's in my head don't bite. Seen.
Yes, I am here attempting to relax. Trying to relax these arms, legs and back while sitting here sending out this communique. The relaxing thing has been difficult to make so, due to the exhaustion that my physical state presents. My structure as a whole aches and is pained to some degree or another. I believe that yesterdays Day Trip and the procedures at She-Who-Snips-And-Cuts, really got to me. My Cervical Spine and neck are very uncomfortable. The pain travels down my left shoulder then down further to my upper arm. There have been times when bringing in a good inhale of breathe that a sharp stabbing pain strikes in my right lower lung.
My palms tell me a story.
This wee morning presents issues with the noises and sounds and a reminder to share an experience I had this afternoon. It was just about 1600 and I was sitting right in this very chair listening to music, when I heard just as loud and clear as air, four knocks on the other side of the screen. I mean, it startled me real quick like too. It was so clear and so sure that I turned the volume down on the ipod to have a listen. And listened and observed the conduct of our hounds. Chi-Chi was in the great room, and Hershall and Ting Ting were in here with me. Not a note of interest from them, so I called a time out and washed that rubbish from my hair. Please, my intention is to share with you that because of Meniere's Disease, I do in fact experience audible hallucinations. I know this as fact and would testify before the Senate to see why there is not more funds going towards the study and research of this sickening Meniere's.
There has been the beep of a beacon beeping in my deaf left ear. Steady this wee hour - just a constant beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Over and over, with out ceasing. The right ear has the sound of cicadas. Cicadas alone and by the thousands! So damned loud. These audio symptoms while listening to the Parliament. Fight these obnoxious ass sounds with sounds. Sometimes I wonder.
The spiders have been active today and into the night. Arbitrary ass stuff - just up and scurry about the left side of my head between my scalp and skull. In our Lodge spiders are not funny. We live in Florida, you see, and Hun, we often times get these monster looking, prehistoric arachnid's that quite simply scare this grown ass man. And yes, I have been known to let out a yell or a holler. No shame here Folks, some of these critters are poisonous and can do same pretty ugly destruction to one's flesh and skin. Enough of that. The one's in my head don't bite. Seen.
Wednesday, October 17, 2012
I Can't Say
Today, the Meniere's has toyed with me and my emotions all the whole damned day long. Dusk has been long gone and the Sun Set. I was so hoping to be a bit more at ease. I prayed. You see, I have an odd relationship with the darkness. There are times when I am totally comfortable and am at One with the dark of night. There are other times though when I lay awake at night and ponder useless topics or random subjects. Stewie, an ole dear therapist of mine, who is now a very dear friend of the family, taught me that this is 'rumination'. I know this, yet I let myself get all tangled up over whatever it is I am doing or thinking to distract from the Meniere's and it's symptoms. Night time is a tough time of the clock for one not used to spending awake hours at all times of night and day. Sleep yes, but not the Awake Monster. I understand that this is a piece of the lost and hearing loss, but to have changed me as much and to have had such a powerful grip of my mind and body is something that is beyond me. I think I know, but I can't say.
Today was my birth date. I can remember as a child knowing that I would be sexually abused on my birthday. For a couple of perpetrators it would happen on the same day - hours apart. Supposed gifts. I remember damned well how I felt those days and how I felt as the date 17 October approached. I knew that the chances were high I would have two men take my body from me on this festive day. I was special. I know who, but I can't say.
There are a couple or three elders playing mind games. I don't have time for this and or your two faces. I think maybe we go back to the way it has been for the last year or so - leave things be. I mean? No, just no Boo. You go play with your Folks. You go play your mind games with them you think you've got fooled. Who's the more foolish, the fool or the fool who follows? Just please go on now. I have enough drama with my health and in my life without having to listen to lack luster justifications of why you haven't done or said this or that. Or your miserable attempts to impress. Babe, you're too old for that shit and I'm too hot-damned old to be listening to childish bull shit. If you have issue with a sibling take it to that house. Not mine. You make wonderful words and make good talk, I ask simply that you take your words and talk else where. The conduct I have witnessed over the past couple of days has been petty and so elementary. Please, I ask, take you and your luggage, and your shit and move along. By the way, you play tit-for-tat with your crew and kindly leave mine out of it. You know I know who you are, but I can't say.
Today was my birth date. I can remember as a child knowing that I would be sexually abused on my birthday. For a couple of perpetrators it would happen on the same day - hours apart. Supposed gifts. I remember damned well how I felt those days and how I felt as the date 17 October approached. I knew that the chances were high I would have two men take my body from me on this festive day. I was special. I know who, but I can't say.
There are a couple or three elders playing mind games. I don't have time for this and or your two faces. I think maybe we go back to the way it has been for the last year or so - leave things be. I mean? No, just no Boo. You go play with your Folks. You go play your mind games with them you think you've got fooled. Who's the more foolish, the fool or the fool who follows? Just please go on now. I have enough drama with my health and in my life without having to listen to lack luster justifications of why you haven't done or said this or that. Or your miserable attempts to impress. Babe, you're too old for that shit and I'm too hot-damned old to be listening to childish bull shit. If you have issue with a sibling take it to that house. Not mine. You make wonderful words and make good talk, I ask simply that you take your words and talk else where. The conduct I have witnessed over the past couple of days has been petty and so elementary. Please, I ask, take you and your luggage, and your shit and move along. By the way, you play tit-for-tat with your crew and kindly leave mine out of it. You know I know who you are, but I can't say.
Madness - One Step Beyond
Kin,
A quick lil' story. This tune put stuff in my life on a whole playing field & level. I mean, Madness, was and is absolute madness! Life would never be the same for that young Afro's wearing Mixed Breed with his own lil' Mixed Blood Family. La Vie en Rose. Oui? Oui.
Their music influenced what I wore, my taste for Fine Sounds, and my dance steps. Yes, I did. Even with One Ear I still will say that Madness, is an excellent remedy for what ails me.
Yeah, I know, but then what can you do when you live in a shoe? I honestly still don't know yet.
Happy Anniversary on the celebration of The 53rd Annual One Step Beyond where I was yesterday-Day!. One Step Beyond being fifty-two for sh it's sake! Madness! Hellur? Hun?
Birthday's, Gloomy Day's And Meniere's
Relations,
Welcome.
The day out is warm, not hot. There's a breeze out that is a want-to-be cool. Sweetly brushing my face with kisses from them before me and those I've yet to meet. This way comes the Crow.
I have scattered bread crumbs, stale Japanese Noodles, and have filled the feeders with seed and corn. I have included dried cranberries in one feeder. My feathered Cousins are happy and sing joyful songs when associating out back. Mates come to eat together, as if stepping out for a sandwich. The male Cardinal always stands guard as Mama eats and drinks first. Then he partakes. I have observed a very clearly defined 'pecking' order amongst my cousins. I won't go into specifics right now, but yes, from the Bird of Prey all the way through to the Doves, the most peaceful ones yes, but also the most anxious. Oh yes, please do pardon the 'pecking' pun there.
The dark grey clouds looming overhead are so apropos for celebrating the anniversary of one's birth. I admit that the weather circumstances this time of year are my favorites. I have but One Moon this year and it passes me by, as today marking the anniversary of birth shall pass too.
Meniere's has been annoying and very troublesome this morning. The nausea runs medium high, the knot in my throat has been protecting me from projectile vomit. Had a Vietnam era helicopter parked out in the North Yard with its "whomp-whomp-whomp" around noon. The sound has calmed and changed to a random loud BEEP! Both effects in my left Deaf ear. My right ear has listened to moments of total silence and has listened to a wide open prairie and the inhabitants living within my right brain. There is a swirl to my dizzy state of being since morning, which has required a heightened state of physical awareness. This is a necessary requirement. This serves as an anti-fall and aids with malfunctioning balance and coordination. Look, I can't say yet that I have adapted to this World of Meniere's and don't know if that's possible even - but I'm fighting this War. Day after day, battle after battle, attack after attack. One day at a time - sometimes it's moment by moment. I must keep on truckin'. Yes, I said must. This type of invisible disease drives a person in a different direction. This is 'My Path'.
Welcome.
The day out is warm, not hot. There's a breeze out that is a want-to-be cool. Sweetly brushing my face with kisses from them before me and those I've yet to meet. This way comes the Crow.
I have scattered bread crumbs, stale Japanese Noodles, and have filled the feeders with seed and corn. I have included dried cranberries in one feeder. My feathered Cousins are happy and sing joyful songs when associating out back. Mates come to eat together, as if stepping out for a sandwich. The male Cardinal always stands guard as Mama eats and drinks first. Then he partakes. I have observed a very clearly defined 'pecking' order amongst my cousins. I won't go into specifics right now, but yes, from the Bird of Prey all the way through to the Doves, the most peaceful ones yes, but also the most anxious. Oh yes, please do pardon the 'pecking' pun there.
The dark grey clouds looming overhead are so apropos for celebrating the anniversary of one's birth. I admit that the weather circumstances this time of year are my favorites. I have but One Moon this year and it passes me by, as today marking the anniversary of birth shall pass too.
Meniere's has been annoying and very troublesome this morning. The nausea runs medium high, the knot in my throat has been protecting me from projectile vomit. Had a Vietnam era helicopter parked out in the North Yard with its "whomp-whomp-whomp" around noon. The sound has calmed and changed to a random loud BEEP! Both effects in my left Deaf ear. My right ear has listened to moments of total silence and has listened to a wide open prairie and the inhabitants living within my right brain. There is a swirl to my dizzy state of being since morning, which has required a heightened state of physical awareness. This is a necessary requirement. This serves as an anti-fall and aids with malfunctioning balance and coordination. Look, I can't say yet that I have adapted to this World of Meniere's and don't know if that's possible even - but I'm fighting this War. Day after day, battle after battle, attack after attack. One day at a time - sometimes it's moment by moment. I must keep on truckin'. Yes, I said must. This type of invisible disease drives a person in a different direction. This is 'My Path'.
Tuesday, October 16, 2012
Home From The Day Trip
Home from my long yet enjoyable day out and about. Pleasant drivers to and from my Internist's practice and laboratory. My Dermatologist is in same building immediately across the corridor from one another. It was so convenient to take care of two visits on one trip - it took a chunk of the day, but it was fun. Saved a few dollars too.
The Vamps at the lab were bloody thirsty. (Get it?) There was seven test tubes full of this mixed and delicacy deep purple red fluid that passes through my heart with every beat that Great Spirit provides me the breathe of life. This is not my will, I simply keep a steady pace when am having a strong day. For the most part today has been chock full of familiar faces and names, several strangers, including one named Alice. Lord, yes and I would have thought them Kinfolk too. Their mannerism's, body language, even right down to the voice and Yankee inflection. My eyes did like Bugs Bunny - bonging outwards from the sockets from whence they come - it was that unbelievable. And these two lady's, the other was Harriette, are from Queens, New York. Pretty tough to get too much more Yankee than that right there. Hold it! I digress...
...yes, the Vamps took too much blood. Not really, but when I saw seven test tubes full, in my skull, we think hotdamnit! No, I wasn't a pussy cat. I sat there proudly with my new veins and watched as gold was struck on the third stick. I passed water into a cup and was done in the lab.
Broke fast and walked about the hospital gift shop for a few minutes. After which I went to She-Who-Snips-And-Cuts. I took along thirty dollars in two dollar bills and a ten dollar roll of half dollars so that I could have the opportunity to see my Dermatologist. My doctor's husband came out to the waiting room to meet me and have a good talk. The Sir., was genuinely moved by me keeping my word, pertaining to having to break into my two dollar bills to pay a bit on my debt to She-Who-Snips, that the Right Good Man made an Gentleman's Agreement with me. As we had our talk there was an exchange of energy that was from a Spiritual Realm and what it was that moved me was the free flowing of this energy. Once talk was done, we shook hands. A Good Trade. Good talk. She-Who-Snips-And-Cuts, sniped and cut, removing four lumps, injected into one and has deferred a lump developing in my left ear to He-Who-Touched-My-Brain. Two samples taken from my body are being shipped off to another laboratory. I dislike the concept that a part of me is in transit when I've already had my rides on the Lil' Blue Bus. Home now. Peace!
The Vamps at the lab were bloody thirsty. (Get it?) There was seven test tubes full of this mixed and delicacy deep purple red fluid that passes through my heart with every beat that Great Spirit provides me the breathe of life. This is not my will, I simply keep a steady pace when am having a strong day. For the most part today has been chock full of familiar faces and names, several strangers, including one named Alice. Lord, yes and I would have thought them Kinfolk too. Their mannerism's, body language, even right down to the voice and Yankee inflection. My eyes did like Bugs Bunny - bonging outwards from the sockets from whence they come - it was that unbelievable. And these two lady's, the other was Harriette, are from Queens, New York. Pretty tough to get too much more Yankee than that right there. Hold it! I digress...
...yes, the Vamps took too much blood. Not really, but when I saw seven test tubes full, in my skull, we think hotdamnit! No, I wasn't a pussy cat. I sat there proudly with my new veins and watched as gold was struck on the third stick. I passed water into a cup and was done in the lab.
Broke fast and walked about the hospital gift shop for a few minutes. After which I went to She-Who-Snips-And-Cuts. I took along thirty dollars in two dollar bills and a ten dollar roll of half dollars so that I could have the opportunity to see my Dermatologist. My doctor's husband came out to the waiting room to meet me and have a good talk. The Sir., was genuinely moved by me keeping my word, pertaining to having to break into my two dollar bills to pay a bit on my debt to She-Who-Snips, that the Right Good Man made an Gentleman's Agreement with me. As we had our talk there was an exchange of energy that was from a Spiritual Realm and what it was that moved me was the free flowing of this energy. Once talk was done, we shook hands. A Good Trade. Good talk. She-Who-Snips-And-Cuts, sniped and cut, removing four lumps, injected into one and has deferred a lump developing in my left ear to He-Who-Touched-My-Brain. Two samples taken from my body are being shipped off to another laboratory. I dislike the concept that a part of me is in transit when I've already had my rides on the Lil' Blue Bus. Home now. Peace!
Hi Ho, Hi Ho, It's Off To Lab And Doctor I Go
In roughly an hour the Lil' Blue Bus shall pull onto my carport and carry me off to the Laboratory in South Tampa. I have my Doctor's Order in my bag...
...also have some stationary, a banana and one health bar for break fast after the Vamps have drawn my blood. I'm thinking about my ipod and have replaced the battery in my BAHA processor. Second thoughts and a big negative on the ipod and buds - one of those safety and security things that must come first.
I have been fasting since after dinner last evening. I am well, which doesn't surprise me because I have just been training myself for the past few months to eat a break fast. I'm so used to skipping both morning and mid-day meals, you see. It's different now-a-days. Eating the morning meal has been important in my loss of weight.
Will visit the laboratory first for a mess of tests and draws. Then will have a break in between scheduled visits. Eat and crrespond with Kin.
Have scraped up a few dollars for Miss. Book Keeper at She-Who-Snips-And-Cuts clinic. If it wasn't for these damned "c" spots, I'd have asked her to piss off. Kindly, of course. No, not really, I love my doctor and it is sad that she just happens to employ one with two face's. Oh well, she's not the one in my employ. The doctor is.
Yes, am in a bright spot this morning. Not going to let anything hold me down today. The going's on of today's business will require a chunk of the day. So, there's no need in being in a hurry when there's no place to hurry to.
The Meneire's has reared its ugly head and has informed me via direct link to both ears that it will be tagging along. The nausea, dizziness and perspiration's are on mid range at the moment. The sounds and noises off the chain! Hopefully things will not get too damned hectic while I am out and about on my day trip. Hi Ho, Hi Ho, it's off to bleed I go!
...also have some stationary, a banana and one health bar for break fast after the Vamps have drawn my blood. I'm thinking about my ipod and have replaced the battery in my BAHA processor. Second thoughts and a big negative on the ipod and buds - one of those safety and security things that must come first.
I have been fasting since after dinner last evening. I am well, which doesn't surprise me because I have just been training myself for the past few months to eat a break fast. I'm so used to skipping both morning and mid-day meals, you see. It's different now-a-days. Eating the morning meal has been important in my loss of weight.
Will visit the laboratory first for a mess of tests and draws. Then will have a break in between scheduled visits. Eat and crrespond with Kin.
Have scraped up a few dollars for Miss. Book Keeper at She-Who-Snips-And-Cuts clinic. If it wasn't for these damned "c" spots, I'd have asked her to piss off. Kindly, of course. No, not really, I love my doctor and it is sad that she just happens to employ one with two face's. Oh well, she's not the one in my employ. The doctor is.
Yes, am in a bright spot this morning. Not going to let anything hold me down today. The going's on of today's business will require a chunk of the day. So, there's no need in being in a hurry when there's no place to hurry to.
The Meneire's has reared its ugly head and has informed me via direct link to both ears that it will be tagging along. The nausea, dizziness and perspiration's are on mid range at the moment. The sounds and noises off the chain! Hopefully things will not get too damned hectic while I am out and about on my day trip. Hi Ho, Hi Ho, it's off to bleed I go!
Monday, October 15, 2012
It's The Fear Of Being Alone
When I sit here in our middle room and all I hear are the noises going on between my ears, I have this animal extinct of not wanting to be alone. I've always had this fear. Since way young childhood, I have never enjoyed being alone...
...life has let this flip flop on me twice or thrice times because there were times when all I wanted was some solitude, someplace to seek serenity. Most other times in my life and on this Path, I have been a member of a Clan, a platoon, a team and or group. To be often left here home alone, even if it is for only a few hours at a time, leaves me flustered and frustrated.
I feel like a child waiting for Mommy to come home from work. I feel like my hounds do when Grammy gets home - I just hold it down on the peeing, licking and yapping about. But I bet you this, deep inside I know how they feel. I miss my Botswana and want her home with me.
Some memories surface in my child's memory banks about my Abuela/Grandmother Mary and how I would wait for her to get home from work at her Nursing Job. Or waiting to see my Dad coming home from one of his jobs. Yes, good memories. Yes, these are the one's I try desperately to hold on too. My Mommy? My Mommy, coming home from cleaning other Lady's houses.
This fear of being alone happens here when I lay down to journal or rest and my pillow smoother's my right ear to Deaf. Just this morning I missed a telephone call because I didn't hear the ring of the telephone. Two feet in front of my face. Come on already, I think and consider the 'what ifs'.
When I am in the shower, my whole world becomes the activity and the sounds are all limited to the area within the shower, as I bathe. The shower becomes a water fall and all is blocked out. If I should place an ear bud in my right ear while out side in the garden, I do not hear anything else around me, just my one ear hole, the ipod and whatever sounds I may have within my bobble head. Kindred, it is not too often I indulge in such entertainment. It is unsafe and I am fearful of the disconnect. I am vulnerable and feel the need to always be prepared for some sort of confrontation. Especially from the experience gained a few days ago while in here when someone or something messed about with the window screen. By the time I made it out front our guest decided to exit not only the premises, but the neighbourhood too. All of that whistling and clanging I did! VIVA!
Yes, I may be fearful from time after time, but I keep on keeping on. It's in my nature.
...life has let this flip flop on me twice or thrice times because there were times when all I wanted was some solitude, someplace to seek serenity. Most other times in my life and on this Path, I have been a member of a Clan, a platoon, a team and or group. To be often left here home alone, even if it is for only a few hours at a time, leaves me flustered and frustrated.
I feel like a child waiting for Mommy to come home from work. I feel like my hounds do when Grammy gets home - I just hold it down on the peeing, licking and yapping about. But I bet you this, deep inside I know how they feel. I miss my Botswana and want her home with me.
Some memories surface in my child's memory banks about my Abuela/Grandmother Mary and how I would wait for her to get home from work at her Nursing Job. Or waiting to see my Dad coming home from one of his jobs. Yes, good memories. Yes, these are the one's I try desperately to hold on too. My Mommy? My Mommy, coming home from cleaning other Lady's houses.
This fear of being alone happens here when I lay down to journal or rest and my pillow smoother's my right ear to Deaf. Just this morning I missed a telephone call because I didn't hear the ring of the telephone. Two feet in front of my face. Come on already, I think and consider the 'what ifs'.
When I am in the shower, my whole world becomes the activity and the sounds are all limited to the area within the shower, as I bathe. The shower becomes a water fall and all is blocked out. If I should place an ear bud in my right ear while out side in the garden, I do not hear anything else around me, just my one ear hole, the ipod and whatever sounds I may have within my bobble head. Kindred, it is not too often I indulge in such entertainment. It is unsafe and I am fearful of the disconnect. I am vulnerable and feel the need to always be prepared for some sort of confrontation. Especially from the experience gained a few days ago while in here when someone or something messed about with the window screen. By the time I made it out front our guest decided to exit not only the premises, but the neighbourhood too. All of that whistling and clanging I did! VIVA!
Yes, I may be fearful from time after time, but I keep on keeping on. It's in my nature.
Lab's In The Morn And She-Who-Snips After Noon - A Good Cry
As scheduled I will proceed with keeping my appointments in South Tampa tomorrow. The HARTplus, bus will be here near noon for the trip into town. I have coordinated enough time between appointments I hope to have a successful draw in the laboratory. These Vamps and Vampire's have not seen or touched my arms since the loss of weight and curling. My hopes are in one basket and I do hope the Vamps are happy to have me join in on their lust for blood...
...here, come take this serum of life. Drink and take me to that special place with you. Come.
In the afternoon, immediately across from stated laboratory is my doctor, She-Who-Snips-And-Cuts. I'll be spending a pretty big chunk of my day in this general area so it's best I bring along stationary and maybe a snack or two. I don't know. I must go in NPO. Nothing by mouth. This is a sacrifice I am willing to make for the betterment of my health. My Internal Doctor has ordered the lab work, the rest is up to me.
And, it is necessary I see She-Who-Snips-And-Cuts, because there are a few new spots that have drawn my eyes and attention. She will research these tomorrow. I'm at peace with her Clinic. I go there to get better. That's all. Other people problem is their problem. I have enough problems here.
It is on afternoons like today's that I wish I could have someone with me. You see, when there is much on the minds, Spirit's, and energies - things slow a piece. I don't wish to be in this predicament, but I am. There is only one way for me to head you see? I can't take too many steps back within this skin...
...yes, it disturbs me beyond belief when I permit another Human Spirit to upset me to a cry. It does not happen often. I can't see that happening too often on My Path, but earlier this afternoon, I permitted the ill nature of another to bring me to tears. Yes, you all, I let myself cry. It was so natural when it became out loud. I'm thinking this is where I am to be at this moment. I know I'll see and feel differently and will forgive Miss. It's a part of my nature. Seen. Some Folk, evaluate me and place their diagnosis on me - even them without license to do so. Pass a judgement onto me, them who say they know me or know about me or those who say I love you. I love you too.
...here, come take this serum of life. Drink and take me to that special place with you. Come.
In the afternoon, immediately across from stated laboratory is my doctor, She-Who-Snips-And-Cuts. I'll be spending a pretty big chunk of my day in this general area so it's best I bring along stationary and maybe a snack or two. I don't know. I must go in NPO. Nothing by mouth. This is a sacrifice I am willing to make for the betterment of my health. My Internal Doctor has ordered the lab work, the rest is up to me.
And, it is necessary I see She-Who-Snips-And-Cuts, because there are a few new spots that have drawn my eyes and attention. She will research these tomorrow. I'm at peace with her Clinic. I go there to get better. That's all. Other people problem is their problem. I have enough problems here.
It is on afternoons like today's that I wish I could have someone with me. You see, when there is much on the minds, Spirit's, and energies - things slow a piece. I don't wish to be in this predicament, but I am. There is only one way for me to head you see? I can't take too many steps back within this skin...
...yes, it disturbs me beyond belief when I permit another Human Spirit to upset me to a cry. It does not happen often. I can't see that happening too often on My Path, but earlier this afternoon, I permitted the ill nature of another to bring me to tears. Yes, you all, I let myself cry. It was so natural when it became out loud. I'm thinking this is where I am to be at this moment. I know I'll see and feel differently and will forgive Miss. It's a part of my nature. Seen. Some Folk, evaluate me and place their diagnosis on me - even them without license to do so. Pass a judgement onto me, them who say they know me or know about me or those who say I love you. I love you too.
My Feathered Kinfolk And Stuff
My feathered Kinfolk have returned to their Winter Homes and stop by for a bite-n-sip every dawn and dusk. On occasion one will stop by for a snack during mid-day. Bless their heart's.
I had to bury one this morning and am still thinking about it's Spirit. Off to a safer flying place, because my Lil' Black Cousin here flew straight damned into the screened patio in the Eastern wing of the lodge. I suspect this was a sudden death - breakage of the neck and all that. No visible signs of trauma, so I know it wasn't a trophy from one of our hounds and not a drip of blood. Buried our Black Winged Cousin, immediately under our six year old avocado tree. Someday, my Black Winged Cousin's, Kinfolk will come to this very tree to relax their wings a minute, have a bite to eat and a sip of fresh water.
My Spirit's are sad and I feel bad just a tad. Pole Dancing is a skill and one must learn proper technique. This is true. In the movie "True Lie's", you know that yogurt lady was provided training and lessons for that scene. And shit.
I'm in the mood for The Rolling Stones but am listening to Brick. I want to smoke a cigarette but don't smoke. Am I headed North or maybe I run to the store with The Big Dot and stop by the Channel to look for alligators and manatee as I do twenty five MPH on all six legs.
Just got off the telephone with the book keeper at She-Who-Snips-And Cuts. States I can not see doctor without paying something on a debt. I questioned Miss. Book Keeper. She will block me from seeing my doctor. She passed me off to my doctor's husband. So the Good Right Man spoke right with me and we had good talks. I will not be cancelling any transportation coordinated for the morrow that's for sure. I had laboratory work squeezed in the coordination of transport too. The humiliation of she talking to me as she did and then interfere with my doctor and I, went a little too far...
...and yes, I told her and my doctors husband the same thing. She comes across ugly and with negative energy which does not mix well in a place where Folks go to get better. Maybe a Garage, but a doctor's clinic? Seen. Bless her heart. Maybe she didn't know. She does now yes, and Shit.
I had to bury one this morning and am still thinking about it's Spirit. Off to a safer flying place, because my Lil' Black Cousin here flew straight damned into the screened patio in the Eastern wing of the lodge. I suspect this was a sudden death - breakage of the neck and all that. No visible signs of trauma, so I know it wasn't a trophy from one of our hounds and not a drip of blood. Buried our Black Winged Cousin, immediately under our six year old avocado tree. Someday, my Black Winged Cousin's, Kinfolk will come to this very tree to relax their wings a minute, have a bite to eat and a sip of fresh water.
My Spirit's are sad and I feel bad just a tad. Pole Dancing is a skill and one must learn proper technique. This is true. In the movie "True Lie's", you know that yogurt lady was provided training and lessons for that scene. And shit.
I'm in the mood for The Rolling Stones but am listening to Brick. I want to smoke a cigarette but don't smoke. Am I headed North or maybe I run to the store with The Big Dot and stop by the Channel to look for alligators and manatee as I do twenty five MPH on all six legs.
Just got off the telephone with the book keeper at She-Who-Snips-And Cuts. States I can not see doctor without paying something on a debt. I questioned Miss. Book Keeper. She will block me from seeing my doctor. She passed me off to my doctor's husband. So the Good Right Man spoke right with me and we had good talks. I will not be cancelling any transportation coordinated for the morrow that's for sure. I had laboratory work squeezed in the coordination of transport too. The humiliation of she talking to me as she did and then interfere with my doctor and I, went a little too far...
...and yes, I told her and my doctors husband the same thing. She comes across ugly and with negative energy which does not mix well in a place where Folks go to get better. Maybe a Garage, but a doctor's clinic? Seen. Bless her heart. Maybe she didn't know. She does now yes, and Shit.
A Hic Cup In Weight
Over the past few days I have managed to gain a few pounds. My hips, they don't lie, yet they gave me not a clue. I don't see it anywhere but the scale don't lie neither. I know this. You know that too. So yes, there's been a bit of a hic cup in the poundage.
Nope, no panic. This apparently has been brewing all along for a brief time. High stress factors, Meniere's and it's rubbish, day after day. I am aware that I may have eaten a bit too much white goods. I don't need any damned extra sugar in my life and I reckon now is the time to get a bit aggressive on this topic. My Darling Kin, please know me as the sort that cant' stand this weight gain because I would much rather report a loss of weight rather than a gain. Damn it, Dude. I mean, even the plateau that I have lived on and holding steady was going a bit long there. Well, I sure do as hell do hate that I've gained this fat! It can't be the excess water I carry or the results of good eating. No, not that much now, but enough to twist up my briefs in a good knot or two.
I mean, really, this is not my intention nor my purpose. To gain weight? No Ma'am. Not now.
Last night as I played in bed waiting for Dream World to come take me away...
...I lay there and yearned for the old school 'Exlax' Laxatives to cleanse my innards of any excess odds an ends. I never did like the newer version so that's why I stopped taking it. The old Exlax let me know that it was working in my stomach and intestines by providing awesome cramps. I stopped eating the innards cleanser years ago, but sometimes I do miss them. My God, I did eat a lot of Exlax back-back in the day. This was an aid in my Anorexic days. No doubt.
I have gained the benefit of a different type of cleanser. Starting today. This is called DETOX TEA, Cleansing & Revitalizing. It is an herb tea, caffeine Free and is all natural. Made with over twenty potent Chinese Purification Herbs, Traditional Support of the Defenses and Chinese Herbs for healthy skin. Check this out, it is a Chinese Tea made in the U.S.A. I love that irony. It tastes just like an herbal tea and Friend's, it is AWESOME! On a scale of 1 to 10, 10 being the greatest, this is a very heavy 10! A Five Star product and it is so satisfying to know this tea will aid me in many area's of focus. I like this. I like this alot.
Nope, no panic. This apparently has been brewing all along for a brief time. High stress factors, Meniere's and it's rubbish, day after day. I am aware that I may have eaten a bit too much white goods. I don't need any damned extra sugar in my life and I reckon now is the time to get a bit aggressive on this topic. My Darling Kin, please know me as the sort that cant' stand this weight gain because I would much rather report a loss of weight rather than a gain. Damn it, Dude. I mean, even the plateau that I have lived on and holding steady was going a bit long there. Well, I sure do as hell do hate that I've gained this fat! It can't be the excess water I carry or the results of good eating. No, not that much now, but enough to twist up my briefs in a good knot or two.
I mean, really, this is not my intention nor my purpose. To gain weight? No Ma'am. Not now.
Last night as I played in bed waiting for Dream World to come take me away...
...I lay there and yearned for the old school 'Exlax' Laxatives to cleanse my innards of any excess odds an ends. I never did like the newer version so that's why I stopped taking it. The old Exlax let me know that it was working in my stomach and intestines by providing awesome cramps. I stopped eating the innards cleanser years ago, but sometimes I do miss them. My God, I did eat a lot of Exlax back-back in the day. This was an aid in my Anorexic days. No doubt.
I have gained the benefit of a different type of cleanser. Starting today. This is called DETOX TEA, Cleansing & Revitalizing. It is an herb tea, caffeine Free and is all natural. Made with over twenty potent Chinese Purification Herbs, Traditional Support of the Defenses and Chinese Herbs for healthy skin. Check this out, it is a Chinese Tea made in the U.S.A. I love that irony. It tastes just like an herbal tea and Friend's, it is AWESOME! On a scale of 1 to 10, 10 being the greatest, this is a very heavy 10! A Five Star product and it is so satisfying to know this tea will aid me in many area's of focus. I like this. I like this alot.
Sunday, October 14, 2012
Happy Birthday To The Best Mother-In-Law Ever
Dearest Nani,
I sure do hope you have had a fantastic Birthday! A Merry and Happy Birthday wish in fact. Thank you and Papa G., for coming over to honor the anniversary of your birth. Don't give up on your ancestral searches. I have learned alot. But it is a slow process. One thing for sure is that the census folks have a carp load of info. Good searching, have fun and keep in mind there are many of us out here who are tracing our Family's History too.
Sorry about the gourmet pizza gone bad idea. Hell, it worked at Jen's place! By the way, I happened to have enjoyed the pizza pie myself, Brenda, gave it thumbs down and Sam thought otherwise too.
Oh yes, the title of this brief communique states, "Happy Birthday To The Best Mother-In-Law Ever". I meant that. And mean it every day.
Hope Papa G., didn't get you a new mug for your b-day and I do truly hope you have had a Happy Birthday time!
Love and peace, Mario
I sure do hope you have had a fantastic Birthday! A Merry and Happy Birthday wish in fact. Thank you and Papa G., for coming over to honor the anniversary of your birth. Don't give up on your ancestral searches. I have learned alot. But it is a slow process. One thing for sure is that the census folks have a carp load of info. Good searching, have fun and keep in mind there are many of us out here who are tracing our Family's History too.
Sorry about the gourmet pizza gone bad idea. Hell, it worked at Jen's place! By the way, I happened to have enjoyed the pizza pie myself, Brenda, gave it thumbs down and Sam thought otherwise too.
Oh yes, the title of this brief communique states, "Happy Birthday To The Best Mother-In-Law Ever". I meant that. And mean it every day.
Hope Papa G., didn't get you a new mug for your b-day and I do truly hope you have had a Happy Birthday time!
Love and peace, Mario
Friday, October 12, 2012
Anxiety's Of Being Single Side Deaf
Relations,
Am not sure if too many are aware of this, but I have broke the safety clip that was attached to my processor for safety measures. I called my audiologist this afternoon and reckon I'll hear from her come Monday. I will not wear my processor again until I receive the safety clip with fish line.
I have decided to talk of the anxieties that come with and from being Single Side Deaf. With or without my processor attached to the implant, the anxiety remains. When someone loses one means of hearing and then the balance of same ear as well, well, everything really changes. Everything, my Kin. There isn't enough I could say to describe what it has been like to lose these both simultaneously.
Accompanying my spouse to the store with the Big Red Dot is a mighty huge thing for me. There is no doubt that I will be dripping with sweat and perspiration at some point in our trip. There are times when the dizziness of the Meniere's, the sounds and noises in the market, the children screaming, laughing, crying - the sounds of people talking and buggies squeaking...
...and the noises I listen to between my ears. Anxiety.
The anxiety that comes when I have misplaced my cellular device, call it from the land line, hear it and find the general area of the telephone, but am forced to call back three or four times to zero in on it. FAQ this sucks. It happened today and damn it, it was frustration magnified. Please.
When I am lost in the super market, anxiety shoots up bad. The family whistle does not work anymore because when she whistles back - I can't tell where the hell her whistle is coming from, and then there have been copy cat's thinking it's cute to whistle back. So I must stop.
A lack of Safety and Security. All rules, all scenario's, all balls to the wall, this is the area where I am most provoked and troubled by. I do not like at all not being able to be 100% cognizant of my entire area and or space when there is a part of my perception blacked out. This is something that requires a years long adjustment I would say, Because I am still adjusting. Even tonight. I have so tried to stop the quick glances over my shoulders. I have learned each of my hounds sleep breathing and snoring. I have learned to love the satellite door bell. The hounds have trained me to listen to their bark - I know when to go take a look. They have trained me well.
I continue to permit the "gawkers" to provoke anxiety in my Spirit's. It's no longer them who are curious and openly speak about the machine attached to the left side of my thick ass skull. Oh God, real quick like, my dearest Mom would often ask me this, "...when will you get this so-and-so through your thick ass head"...
...my Mommy Dearest, I do love you so much! Miss you too Ma!
But yes, it's the gawkers who make extra trips around an aisle to take another look. Or a fellow bus rider who can not take his eyes off of it or my face. Bless his heart, I decided Wednesday, afternoon to let the young fellows imagination think whatever it was he wanted it to. I laugh now. Then, I wasn't sure what his business was about. I introduced myself and informed the young man and the bus driver that this was a BAHA. It was as if they thought I had special powers or something because neither one stopped looking or stopped asking questions.
Anxiety's of being Single Side Deaf, and in my case HH, Hard of Hearing too. The right ear is Hard of Hearing. The same ear that requires time in the morning to wake up. It is this one that goes totally silent every once and again. The anxiety that comes from the task that talking becomes.
Laying in bed and not being able to hear a telephone ring not two feet from my face. I have trained myself well to sleep on my right side because of the dozen surgeries here on the left side. So numerous they were that my sleeping patterns were changed. I am slowly teaching myself to sleep on my left deaf side again - it is something I must do with a purpose because I want to hear and listen as hard as I may to be the guard dog. Please, when I head off to sleep the only sounds I hear are them in my ears and or the abutment and implant brushing up against the Scooby-Doo pillow sleeve. Oh yes, the implant is like a nerve - when it is touched or brushed up against something I hear it in my right hard of hearing ear.
Anxiety becomes a way of life. With our own language. Anxiety's of being Single Side Deaf.
Am not sure if too many are aware of this, but I have broke the safety clip that was attached to my processor for safety measures. I called my audiologist this afternoon and reckon I'll hear from her come Monday. I will not wear my processor again until I receive the safety clip with fish line.
I have decided to talk of the anxieties that come with and from being Single Side Deaf. With or without my processor attached to the implant, the anxiety remains. When someone loses one means of hearing and then the balance of same ear as well, well, everything really changes. Everything, my Kin. There isn't enough I could say to describe what it has been like to lose these both simultaneously.
Accompanying my spouse to the store with the Big Red Dot is a mighty huge thing for me. There is no doubt that I will be dripping with sweat and perspiration at some point in our trip. There are times when the dizziness of the Meniere's, the sounds and noises in the market, the children screaming, laughing, crying - the sounds of people talking and buggies squeaking...
...and the noises I listen to between my ears. Anxiety.
The anxiety that comes when I have misplaced my cellular device, call it from the land line, hear it and find the general area of the telephone, but am forced to call back three or four times to zero in on it. FAQ this sucks. It happened today and damn it, it was frustration magnified. Please.
When I am lost in the super market, anxiety shoots up bad. The family whistle does not work anymore because when she whistles back - I can't tell where the hell her whistle is coming from, and then there have been copy cat's thinking it's cute to whistle back. So I must stop.
A lack of Safety and Security. All rules, all scenario's, all balls to the wall, this is the area where I am most provoked and troubled by. I do not like at all not being able to be 100% cognizant of my entire area and or space when there is a part of my perception blacked out. This is something that requires a years long adjustment I would say, Because I am still adjusting. Even tonight. I have so tried to stop the quick glances over my shoulders. I have learned each of my hounds sleep breathing and snoring. I have learned to love the satellite door bell. The hounds have trained me to listen to their bark - I know when to go take a look. They have trained me well.
I continue to permit the "gawkers" to provoke anxiety in my Spirit's. It's no longer them who are curious and openly speak about the machine attached to the left side of my thick ass skull. Oh God, real quick like, my dearest Mom would often ask me this, "...when will you get this so-and-so through your thick ass head"...
...my Mommy Dearest, I do love you so much! Miss you too Ma!
But yes, it's the gawkers who make extra trips around an aisle to take another look. Or a fellow bus rider who can not take his eyes off of it or my face. Bless his heart, I decided Wednesday, afternoon to let the young fellows imagination think whatever it was he wanted it to. I laugh now. Then, I wasn't sure what his business was about. I introduced myself and informed the young man and the bus driver that this was a BAHA. It was as if they thought I had special powers or something because neither one stopped looking or stopped asking questions.
Anxiety's of being Single Side Deaf, and in my case HH, Hard of Hearing too. The right ear is Hard of Hearing. The same ear that requires time in the morning to wake up. It is this one that goes totally silent every once and again. The anxiety that comes from the task that talking becomes.
Laying in bed and not being able to hear a telephone ring not two feet from my face. I have trained myself well to sleep on my right side because of the dozen surgeries here on the left side. So numerous they were that my sleeping patterns were changed. I am slowly teaching myself to sleep on my left deaf side again - it is something I must do with a purpose because I want to hear and listen as hard as I may to be the guard dog. Please, when I head off to sleep the only sounds I hear are them in my ears and or the abutment and implant brushing up against the Scooby-Doo pillow sleeve. Oh yes, the implant is like a nerve - when it is touched or brushed up against something I hear it in my right hard of hearing ear.
Anxiety becomes a way of life. With our own language. Anxiety's of being Single Side Deaf.
Random Thoughts, Meniere's Talk
Kin,
I think the best thing for me right now is to just sit back, breathe, relax, and listen to Fleetwood Mac sing a song that I can remember listening to during this very season back in 1977. I had only met Stevie Nicks and Lindsey Buckingham three or four times before and knew from the Fleetwood Mac album that we were going to be listening to musical history for many years. Blessed are we who are able to see them in show individually or as the group. Soon the group reunites and a new album will be released. The anticipation is killing me! But Hun, this is the way life and My Path have always been with our good right friends within Fleetwood Mac. Oh, how I associated the song "Dreams", with my Dearest High School Sweet Heart. Who is my Cosmic Partner In Life and Spirit. More on that later, but as far as our relationship's and friendships with members of the group, I have always been closest to and with Stevie. There were many years when she had me wrapped around her little finger and she has always known this. Stevie, has also known that I would have carried her baby full term. But, it wasn't to be. We are still very dear friends and we see one another every couple of years or so. You know, sometimes it's just not enough, yet my love for her endures the passing of time...
...who was she to hold me down?.
Lindsey and I have also had a long term friendship. I remember the album he and Stevie released as their first album. It didn't sell too well then but, I bet I have a copy pressed on vinyl. Yes, I do. Lindsey has also known the pain of our love and the sadness that came from being away from each other for months and years at a time. I wanted to have Lindsey's baby, but he was never "ready". Mick and I had a couple or few gatherings. He's a blast! We would drink nice Pineapple wine and smoke imported cigarettes, nude out in the pool.
Anyways...
I have been obliged to take an anti-awake pill. It's is presently 0107 and there are blaring bugs of a variety celebrating in mass for God only knows what and how long. There is specially this one damned cricket that must be as tall as I am. And that bastard must have some huge back legs because he is outrageously loud. Like, ALL right there! As if there was a mega funnel capturing every freaking nuance of this sound in my ear-hole. It is the right thing for me to do in eating this medicine. Soon, I hope it will be time to go lay down. Please. The colour is more of a purple than an orange by the way.
The left deaf ear is almost silent tonight! Oh God, yes, be happy for me! I did say almost because I've picked up this random 'Beep'. Like some sort of beacon out in the Gulf. "Beep" and then silence! Then 'beep', etc.
Mr. Spider has gone to sleep. The worms are off on a family holiday. Must be because there have been a couple of days since they wiggled about. I hope they forget how to get back home.
I am slightly dizzy and mildly nauseated. The dizzy is a slight tipsy dizzy. Hey, I knew a wonderful woman named Dizzy once! Oh, she was so beautiful and so intelligent. Wherever she is I hope she is healthy and happy. There is no perspiration at the moment. A couple of hours ago yes, but none now. Hell, a few hours ago my safety was an issue because of my balance and coordination. Right now it is nice to have a t-shirt on and not be sweating or perspiring. Might could be the change in weather too. Speaking of which, I was out there a while today and the sky was blue clear and the Sun was bright and not too hot. There was a breeze that would create cool gusts of wind and my thighs would get goose bumps and my nipple ring reminded me it was there. My Daisy Dukes just about completed had a nice test wear. The frillies scared me a couple of times. Yeah-yeah. I know.
Earlier today I had the sounds and noises of many WWII Fighter Planes going back and forth over our lodge. Oh yes, this was loud and I am certain these were those propeller WWII Army Fighter Planes. This was so loud and I heard so many that the sound reminded me of the movie, "Tora, Tora, Tora". Well, that's it right there - minus the fire fighting and bombs and all that. Just the sound of the planes. I was able to speak with my Earth Angel, She-Who-Lives-With-The-Cherokee, and shared this with her. I had to share it with some one and she popped into my mind and my Spirit's. I actually haven't shared any of this with any one else. It's almost like I am living some Alfred Hitchcock script. Really. For God's Sake, really! There was a shift from the WWII planes to what sounded like thousands of bee's or wasps out there.
No, I didn't go look or check and besides, I had done some gardening out at my Central Park and didn't see no bumble bee's or wasps out there. Did see dozens and dozens of Dragon Fly though! Of all various colours, shapes and sizes. They were busy too!
The need to Nest continues. The Sanctuary is just about completed. All that remains is the North West Yard. I have also nested with in our home and have worked in the same direction inside as out - from the East to the West. Sweet and odd that this should be something totally in-sync and aligned with the energy pull from within. I will know when Nesting time is over. For now these minor tasks are good therapy and also a good form of exercise for me. It keeps the blood flowing good and right like and opens up these perspiration glands in a different way than the meniere's. Meniere's...
...Great Spirit, what's a Warrior to do?
I think the best thing for me right now is to just sit back, breathe, relax, and listen to Fleetwood Mac sing a song that I can remember listening to during this very season back in 1977. I had only met Stevie Nicks and Lindsey Buckingham three or four times before and knew from the Fleetwood Mac album that we were going to be listening to musical history for many years. Blessed are we who are able to see them in show individually or as the group. Soon the group reunites and a new album will be released. The anticipation is killing me! But Hun, this is the way life and My Path have always been with our good right friends within Fleetwood Mac. Oh, how I associated the song "Dreams", with my Dearest High School Sweet Heart. Who is my Cosmic Partner In Life and Spirit. More on that later, but as far as our relationship's and friendships with members of the group, I have always been closest to and with Stevie. There were many years when she had me wrapped around her little finger and she has always known this. Stevie, has also known that I would have carried her baby full term. But, it wasn't to be. We are still very dear friends and we see one another every couple of years or so. You know, sometimes it's just not enough, yet my love for her endures the passing of time...
...who was she to hold me down?.
Lindsey and I have also had a long term friendship. I remember the album he and Stevie released as their first album. It didn't sell too well then but, I bet I have a copy pressed on vinyl. Yes, I do. Lindsey has also known the pain of our love and the sadness that came from being away from each other for months and years at a time. I wanted to have Lindsey's baby, but he was never "ready". Mick and I had a couple or few gatherings. He's a blast! We would drink nice Pineapple wine and smoke imported cigarettes, nude out in the pool.
Anyways...
I have been obliged to take an anti-awake pill. It's is presently 0107 and there are blaring bugs of a variety celebrating in mass for God only knows what and how long. There is specially this one damned cricket that must be as tall as I am. And that bastard must have some huge back legs because he is outrageously loud. Like, ALL right there! As if there was a mega funnel capturing every freaking nuance of this sound in my ear-hole. It is the right thing for me to do in eating this medicine. Soon, I hope it will be time to go lay down. Please. The colour is more of a purple than an orange by the way.
The left deaf ear is almost silent tonight! Oh God, yes, be happy for me! I did say almost because I've picked up this random 'Beep'. Like some sort of beacon out in the Gulf. "Beep" and then silence! Then 'beep', etc.
Mr. Spider has gone to sleep. The worms are off on a family holiday. Must be because there have been a couple of days since they wiggled about. I hope they forget how to get back home.
I am slightly dizzy and mildly nauseated. The dizzy is a slight tipsy dizzy. Hey, I knew a wonderful woman named Dizzy once! Oh, she was so beautiful and so intelligent. Wherever she is I hope she is healthy and happy. There is no perspiration at the moment. A couple of hours ago yes, but none now. Hell, a few hours ago my safety was an issue because of my balance and coordination. Right now it is nice to have a t-shirt on and not be sweating or perspiring. Might could be the change in weather too. Speaking of which, I was out there a while today and the sky was blue clear and the Sun was bright and not too hot. There was a breeze that would create cool gusts of wind and my thighs would get goose bumps and my nipple ring reminded me it was there. My Daisy Dukes just about completed had a nice test wear. The frillies scared me a couple of times. Yeah-yeah. I know.
Earlier today I had the sounds and noises of many WWII Fighter Planes going back and forth over our lodge. Oh yes, this was loud and I am certain these were those propeller WWII Army Fighter Planes. This was so loud and I heard so many that the sound reminded me of the movie, "Tora, Tora, Tora". Well, that's it right there - minus the fire fighting and bombs and all that. Just the sound of the planes. I was able to speak with my Earth Angel, She-Who-Lives-With-The-Cherokee, and shared this with her. I had to share it with some one and she popped into my mind and my Spirit's. I actually haven't shared any of this with any one else. It's almost like I am living some Alfred Hitchcock script. Really. For God's Sake, really! There was a shift from the WWII planes to what sounded like thousands of bee's or wasps out there.
No, I didn't go look or check and besides, I had done some gardening out at my Central Park and didn't see no bumble bee's or wasps out there. Did see dozens and dozens of Dragon Fly though! Of all various colours, shapes and sizes. They were busy too!
The need to Nest continues. The Sanctuary is just about completed. All that remains is the North West Yard. I have also nested with in our home and have worked in the same direction inside as out - from the East to the West. Sweet and odd that this should be something totally in-sync and aligned with the energy pull from within. I will know when Nesting time is over. For now these minor tasks are good therapy and also a good form of exercise for me. It keeps the blood flowing good and right like and opens up these perspiration glands in a different way than the meniere's. Meniere's...
...Great Spirit, what's a Warrior to do?
BAHA And The Latest
Come in from the outside to 'open the office' a minute to take care of a couple Cochlear related issues with my BAHA. The Bone Anchored Hearing Aid. Have called my Audiologist Dr. B., over at He-Who-Touched-My-Brain's Clinic. Would like to report the study I have conducted with three different batteries for it and the replacement of the clip-with-fish-line attached. This fish line is an interesting tool that is so simplistic I might consider taking the concept to a new place be a redesign - as in artists kind of stuff. For the now being though I do need to get the replacement piece. This item is like a large black paper clip-with-teeth that is attached to my collar, t-shirt or bandanna when the BAHA is attached to my skull. From this clip-with-teeth a bit of fish line is attached. The fish line is then looped through a very tiny hole at the bottom of my processor. This is a safe and clever attachment used to keep from losing the processor should it be pulled or popped out as it has done with me before. I am hesitant to wear the BAHA at the present...
...I've grown attached to it.
Get it? For me, a laugh and a smile. Ha!
I have also placed a call to our representative with the bank known as Wells Fargo. I have had to eat Crow over the matter of denial, but am comfortable with proceeding with the process of taking care of our business, which is, Our Home and Sanctuary, the House Of Seven Window's. Out back, the Channel on the preserve flows Southward towards North Old Tampa Bay...
...this suburb we live in is what I have dubbed the 'Rez', as we are a multi-ethnic population that leans heavily towards minority's. As it is I consider myself, even though a Mixed Blood, most of my blood is ethnic. This Rez is exceptionally diverse. Blessing's for all of us out here North West of Tampa, are plentiful and we have several wonderful Neighbours. We have Folk, from all over Earth Mother living out here. In the area, this place that was and is established to aid the government in grouping up "their" Minorities. It's an excellent form of control, it is an excellent means of studies conducted from the local level to the federalize. I am avoiding pulling the Ace of Race, so I'll soon bring this to a close. This topic originated because of my talking of banking matters. I beg your pardon for me getting off track. This is my community that our Lodge is located. For me it's easy to decide, this is Home, you see? And there's no place home. There's no place like Home. There's no place like home. Toto, what the?
...I've grown attached to it.
Get it? For me, a laugh and a smile. Ha!
I have also placed a call to our representative with the bank known as Wells Fargo. I have had to eat Crow over the matter of denial, but am comfortable with proceeding with the process of taking care of our business, which is, Our Home and Sanctuary, the House Of Seven Window's. Out back, the Channel on the preserve flows Southward towards North Old Tampa Bay...
...this suburb we live in is what I have dubbed the 'Rez', as we are a multi-ethnic population that leans heavily towards minority's. As it is I consider myself, even though a Mixed Blood, most of my blood is ethnic. This Rez is exceptionally diverse. Blessing's for all of us out here North West of Tampa, are plentiful and we have several wonderful Neighbours. We have Folk, from all over Earth Mother living out here. In the area, this place that was and is established to aid the government in grouping up "their" Minorities. It's an excellent form of control, it is an excellent means of studies conducted from the local level to the federalize. I am avoiding pulling the Ace of Race, so I'll soon bring this to a close. This topic originated because of my talking of banking matters. I beg your pardon for me getting off track. This is my community that our Lodge is located. For me it's easy to decide, this is Home, you see? And there's no place home. There's no place like Home. There's no place like home. Toto, what the?
Sleep And Meniere's, Sleep Has Visited
Have had a good and healthy rest and sleep and am feeling refreshed after what was four days of complete out of control physical elevators, emotional escapes and mental battles with Meniere's and the monsters of the dark and here in the light. There is and have been the medications that are prescribed to me by my doctors. These medicinals flow through my veins like my blood. I nave no qualms about making a treaty or signing my life away on the dotted line of that note to self...
..."these medication's are here to help dude"...
After about thirty three hours of being awake that extended well into yesterday, I began to drop off into these micro naps. By later in the afternoon there were periods when I was permitted to sleep for an hour here and there as my body part and innards convulsed. Last night as I prepared for bed with my wife, I took one pill that is to aid with the dizziness. The noises and sounds were there surrounding my Safe Place, not with my mate because I asked two or three times if she heard that or this and after the third or so no, I decided I would hush and keep these noises locked up within. To occupy my time between being awake and drifting off, I journaled and wrote up a couple of Halloween greeting cards. Parts and pieces of my body convulsed for no reason.
A bit past mid night this morning, I decided to swallow one medication I so dislike. It is an ugly shade of orange and really isn't an orange colour but most like it. It is an anti-awake and the last time I remember seeing the clock it was fifteen past 0100. I remembered having some part of my upper torso move then I was out. My Dream World was active, I remembered a couple and have let them loose. I dreamt in vivid high definition colour. Always.
When I woke this morning, I layed in bed and waited for my right ear to wake up. By the time it did my left deaf was already wide awake and the Morse Code coming in first thing. Beep-beep-beepity-beep-beep and so on. Loudly from my left. Laying there watching the ceiling fan spin slowly, I cursed to myself silently and cursed at the Meniere's that has brought forth these ridiculous noises and sounds. I was awake though and felt pretty dang good after such a deep sleep.
Having been up for a couple of hours and with the breaking of fast my plan is to escape into my various yards and gardens. With the exception of my therapy with Sir Dude, I have been tucked away here in our House of Seven Windows, tightly. This has been a form of exile and I know this.
It is my intention to bust through this daze I am in. I have considered that "the much on my mind piece", may have a minor roll with the non-sleep, but what I hear most of all is being told that this is a part of being Deaf and losing hearing...
...while I sit here listening to these noises which have figured I am awake and alert, a Spider has begun his day between my scalp and skull as of seconds ago. I'll be outside.
..."these medication's are here to help dude"...
After about thirty three hours of being awake that extended well into yesterday, I began to drop off into these micro naps. By later in the afternoon there were periods when I was permitted to sleep for an hour here and there as my body part and innards convulsed. Last night as I prepared for bed with my wife, I took one pill that is to aid with the dizziness. The noises and sounds were there surrounding my Safe Place, not with my mate because I asked two or three times if she heard that or this and after the third or so no, I decided I would hush and keep these noises locked up within. To occupy my time between being awake and drifting off, I journaled and wrote up a couple of Halloween greeting cards. Parts and pieces of my body convulsed for no reason.
A bit past mid night this morning, I decided to swallow one medication I so dislike. It is an ugly shade of orange and really isn't an orange colour but most like it. It is an anti-awake and the last time I remember seeing the clock it was fifteen past 0100. I remembered having some part of my upper torso move then I was out. My Dream World was active, I remembered a couple and have let them loose. I dreamt in vivid high definition colour. Always.
When I woke this morning, I layed in bed and waited for my right ear to wake up. By the time it did my left deaf was already wide awake and the Morse Code coming in first thing. Beep-beep-beepity-beep-beep and so on. Loudly from my left. Laying there watching the ceiling fan spin slowly, I cursed to myself silently and cursed at the Meniere's that has brought forth these ridiculous noises and sounds. I was awake though and felt pretty dang good after such a deep sleep.
Having been up for a couple of hours and with the breaking of fast my plan is to escape into my various yards and gardens. With the exception of my therapy with Sir Dude, I have been tucked away here in our House of Seven Windows, tightly. This has been a form of exile and I know this.
It is my intention to bust through this daze I am in. I have considered that "the much on my mind piece", may have a minor roll with the non-sleep, but what I hear most of all is being told that this is a part of being Deaf and losing hearing...
...while I sit here listening to these noises which have figured I am awake and alert, a Spider has begun his day between my scalp and skull as of seconds ago. I'll be outside.
Thursday, October 11, 2012
I Hear The Chain Clanging Against The Flag Pole, A Meniere's Report
Well, Relations,
This is looking as if I am having issues this morning. Actually, this is more like another night of the sound's and noise's and these wee hours of the morning have me twisted up inside really something tough like. In less than four hours I will have been awake another twenty four hours. I just went through this earlier this week when I hit forty hours of being awake. I was so looking forward to an uneventful remainder of this week. It appears the Meniere's has something different in mind. I sure as heck know that it has something else in store for my ears, my throat and the top left and left side of my scalp and skull.
In my deaf left ear at this moment I am listening to a chain clanging against the side of a flag pole. Where ever this noise originates, it is relentless. The clanging and clanging as if our flag was flying Full Staff and blowing like mad in this Autumn Florida breeze. I have had the clacking sounds before but I believe this is the first for clanging. And yes, the distinction between the two is clear and are very obvious. Good-goodness. What more to say?
My right ear has had one heck of a day, night and early morning. This new day, 11 October 2012, is starting off with some really loud intrusive noises. Wait. My left ear is now picking up beeps. Random and sporadic. The quality of hearing in my right ear is very unsatisfactory. So poor that it was necessary to have the volume up loud on the television as we viewed "Modern Family" last night. Our comic relief indeed and this new season looks as if it is going to be even better than last. Damn, anyways, my Dear had to ask a couple of times if I would turn the volume down a bit or place the tube on mute. Too loud for her and not loud enough for him. Me. The noises in this ear have been of the Serengeti Preserve in Africa. Every damned night bug, insect, critter, and an occasional psssssssst. Don't know what that's about, but every once in a spell I'll listen to this psssssssst - as in a bicycle tire's escaping air. Please?
None of these going's on are normal. I have entirely forgotten what total silence sounds like. (Keep in mind that I am Single Side Deaf) It's as if I have always had these bleeping noises and sounds for Pete's sake! My God? And then to have these be so loud and unimaginably horrendous is something I would not wish on to any fellow Human Kind. Never. This is sick and I mean this in a sick-as-hell sense. This torture is inhumane and I guess now that I say those words, I agree this is a sick form of torture.
To have this knot in my throat and the nausea brewing still, is sick. The dizziness is gagging and inhospitable. The spiders are running and scurrying about between my scalp and my skull on the left side of same scalp and skull. My bobble head.
I want to fucking curse but I won't. Sometimes letting some of this shit out is beneficial to the one having the so called Audible Hallucinations or is the One known as He-Who-Is-An-Anomaly.
Thinking calming thoughts while cursing. That's it! Thinking calmly while cursing. Uncool.
P.S. By the way, we don't have a flag pole out side.
This is looking as if I am having issues this morning. Actually, this is more like another night of the sound's and noise's and these wee hours of the morning have me twisted up inside really something tough like. In less than four hours I will have been awake another twenty four hours. I just went through this earlier this week when I hit forty hours of being awake. I was so looking forward to an uneventful remainder of this week. It appears the Meniere's has something different in mind. I sure as heck know that it has something else in store for my ears, my throat and the top left and left side of my scalp and skull.
In my deaf left ear at this moment I am listening to a chain clanging against the side of a flag pole. Where ever this noise originates, it is relentless. The clanging and clanging as if our flag was flying Full Staff and blowing like mad in this Autumn Florida breeze. I have had the clacking sounds before but I believe this is the first for clanging. And yes, the distinction between the two is clear and are very obvious. Good-goodness. What more to say?
My right ear has had one heck of a day, night and early morning. This new day, 11 October 2012, is starting off with some really loud intrusive noises. Wait. My left ear is now picking up beeps. Random and sporadic. The quality of hearing in my right ear is very unsatisfactory. So poor that it was necessary to have the volume up loud on the television as we viewed "Modern Family" last night. Our comic relief indeed and this new season looks as if it is going to be even better than last. Damn, anyways, my Dear had to ask a couple of times if I would turn the volume down a bit or place the tube on mute. Too loud for her and not loud enough for him. Me. The noises in this ear have been of the Serengeti Preserve in Africa. Every damned night bug, insect, critter, and an occasional psssssssst. Don't know what that's about, but every once in a spell I'll listen to this psssssssst - as in a bicycle tire's escaping air. Please?
None of these going's on are normal. I have entirely forgotten what total silence sounds like. (Keep in mind that I am Single Side Deaf) It's as if I have always had these bleeping noises and sounds for Pete's sake! My God? And then to have these be so loud and unimaginably horrendous is something I would not wish on to any fellow Human Kind. Never. This is sick and I mean this in a sick-as-hell sense. This torture is inhumane and I guess now that I say those words, I agree this is a sick form of torture.
To have this knot in my throat and the nausea brewing still, is sick. The dizziness is gagging and inhospitable. The spiders are running and scurrying about between my scalp and my skull on the left side of same scalp and skull. My bobble head.
I want to fucking curse but I won't. Sometimes letting some of this shit out is beneficial to the one having the so called Audible Hallucinations or is the One known as He-Who-Is-An-Anomaly.
Thinking calming thoughts while cursing. That's it! Thinking calmly while cursing. Uncool.
P.S. By the way, we don't have a flag pole out side.
Wednesday, October 10, 2012
"The Kenny Chesney Disease"
My Dearest Relations,
That means all Kinfolk, Kindred One's that I have been Blessed to have met, am Blessed with those in my Circle and along My Path at presently and am Blessed to know that there are Kin I have yet to meet. I contemplate such gatherings. It is one of those thing's that are Blessed by the Great Spirit. Am Blessed to have crossed paths with so many Kindred One's that I reckon it would be easier to sum everybody up as my Relation's. Stop. Seen. And if I have shared this before, it was probably to share the same sentiment's. All Relation's have something in common with me and this is of an ultra importance. No, this not meant to dramatize the import, it is simply the way I feel and breathe and note that we are all only Human...
...the shades of the Rainbow with our complexions of various shades. We bleed same blood. The beauty of this all is in every one of our Spirit's, here on Earth Mother and this energy resides within our every Human Body. I practice this. Yes, sometimes I may become angry or saddened by what it is we are doing to each other. The Blood of many people's being shed every day. All of which compels my immediate attention, and when and how to have prayer come to my Spirit's - I pray for All Of We Human People's, you see. I have no purpose in excluding any people's, my purpose is to pray and contemplate for All of my Kindred Earth One's.
(I just had a very high pitched beep that lasted for approximately thirty seconds)
There is something I wish to share as if we were speaking with one on one. This is about a little something that happened just a few moments ago and it touched my heart in a Southern Sweet Iced Tea kind of way...
...I was comparing statistics and conducting a study when I noticed that One of my Kindred One's found My Path, by typing into a Bing or goggle, "Kenny Chesney Disease". I let this touch me in such a way that here's Kenny singing, "You And Tequila", featuring Grace Portter. On a simple volume and singing something beautiful to only me right at this moment. Straight and directly into this Mixed Blood's right-good-bad-ear-hole-to-the-brain.
I so do love this search key word and in no way mock this at all. I respect it actually and think that it is a pretty danged cool new diagnosis to have slapped onto my medical records at my hospital-on-the-island. Same hospital He-Who-Touched-My-Brain, has his clinic and conducts surgeries.
Me, Meniere's and the Kenny Chesney Disease. I love it! I say it's one heck of a good disease to have and share, that it is, "Kenny and Tequila drives me absolutely crazy". Ha! Thus, The Kenny Chesney Disease. Peace!
That means all Kinfolk, Kindred One's that I have been Blessed to have met, am Blessed with those in my Circle and along My Path at presently and am Blessed to know that there are Kin I have yet to meet. I contemplate such gatherings. It is one of those thing's that are Blessed by the Great Spirit. Am Blessed to have crossed paths with so many Kindred One's that I reckon it would be easier to sum everybody up as my Relation's. Stop. Seen. And if I have shared this before, it was probably to share the same sentiment's. All Relation's have something in common with me and this is of an ultra importance. No, this not meant to dramatize the import, it is simply the way I feel and breathe and note that we are all only Human...
...the shades of the Rainbow with our complexions of various shades. We bleed same blood. The beauty of this all is in every one of our Spirit's, here on Earth Mother and this energy resides within our every Human Body. I practice this. Yes, sometimes I may become angry or saddened by what it is we are doing to each other. The Blood of many people's being shed every day. All of which compels my immediate attention, and when and how to have prayer come to my Spirit's - I pray for All Of We Human People's, you see. I have no purpose in excluding any people's, my purpose is to pray and contemplate for All of my Kindred Earth One's.
(I just had a very high pitched beep that lasted for approximately thirty seconds)
There is something I wish to share as if we were speaking with one on one. This is about a little something that happened just a few moments ago and it touched my heart in a Southern Sweet Iced Tea kind of way...
...I was comparing statistics and conducting a study when I noticed that One of my Kindred One's found My Path, by typing into a Bing or goggle, "Kenny Chesney Disease". I let this touch me in such a way that here's Kenny singing, "You And Tequila", featuring Grace Portter. On a simple volume and singing something beautiful to only me right at this moment. Straight and directly into this Mixed Blood's right-good-bad-ear-hole-to-the-brain.
I so do love this search key word and in no way mock this at all. I respect it actually and think that it is a pretty danged cool new diagnosis to have slapped onto my medical records at my hospital-on-the-island. Same hospital He-Who-Touched-My-Brain, has his clinic and conducts surgeries.
Me, Meniere's and the Kenny Chesney Disease. I love it! I say it's one heck of a good disease to have and share, that it is, "Kenny and Tequila drives me absolutely crazy". Ha! Thus, The Kenny Chesney Disease. Peace!
Meniere's In The Afternoon
The nausea has been bad this late afternoon. It's 1717 and the nausea has me by the throat. As in I feel my Adam's apple type of nausea. It has been so bad that I've had to call a time out on a minor task I was doing to surprise the spouse.
The sweating is wide open.
The dizziness is carnival-fast-ride sort of dizzy, but this one goes on and on. This is not enjoyment. This is hideous and I feel like a freak at this moment. My head feels as if its innards are moving around and 'round.
It is difficult to focus and I am taking this one tip-tap at a time. I have yet to see an eye doctor. Maybe soon I will. Right now it's all about the money piece.
My left ear is wailing away - so very loud and as if their was some form of funnel attached to it, my deaf left ear. I know I can't hear technically speaking, but my ear doesn't know that. So loud I feel a pain in my left temple.
That's possibly an affect from the dizziness. Or maybe the nausea I am trying to ignore by burping and hoping and wishing I don't have to vomit.
There are also several large crickets playing their mating calls. Loudly and over and over...
...and over again and again.
There has been the sound of a submarine in my right ear. That sonar sound that every submarine I've ever seen in a movie makes.
Look, I've got to go. Lay down a while. You all be alright now...
The sweating is wide open.
The dizziness is carnival-fast-ride sort of dizzy, but this one goes on and on. This is not enjoyment. This is hideous and I feel like a freak at this moment. My head feels as if its innards are moving around and 'round.
It is difficult to focus and I am taking this one tip-tap at a time. I have yet to see an eye doctor. Maybe soon I will. Right now it's all about the money piece.
My left ear is wailing away - so very loud and as if their was some form of funnel attached to it, my deaf left ear. I know I can't hear technically speaking, but my ear doesn't know that. So loud I feel a pain in my left temple.
That's possibly an affect from the dizziness. Or maybe the nausea I am trying to ignore by burping and hoping and wishing I don't have to vomit.
There are also several large crickets playing their mating calls. Loudly and over and over...
...and over again and again.
There has been the sound of a submarine in my right ear. That sonar sound that every submarine I've ever seen in a movie makes.
Look, I've got to go. Lay down a while. You all be alright now...
To The White House, Dear Mr. President Obama
Dear Mr. President Obama,
Today is Wednesday, 10 October 2012. The time is 1608 and I won't take but a minute or two of your time. I ask that you please read my letter and be informed that the HARP program has denied my wife and I from financing our home. You see, our house is "up-side down" or is "under water" or which ever terminology is used when describing our home being affected by the market. Our home is worth major percentages less today than when we petitioned the bank then known as Wachovia to purchase it.
This is the Bank now known as Wells Fargo.
We petitioned Wells Fargo and were informed by a representative of Wells Fargo that the "underwriter's" denied us due to a debt to income ratio. Mr. President, wasn't it the purpose of your program to assist and aid those of us out here who want to keep their Home? Mr. Obama, we have not been late on our mortgage, we do not plan on being late, we do not plan of joining them who short-sell and leave negative balances for the bank to absorb, and we sure as hell do not wish to go into foreclosure.
Mr. President Obama, yes Sir., we have debt. I am on Social Security Disabled due to Meniere's Disease and Respiratory issues. My wife works hard Sir. She does her forty plus hours a week and she does work so damned hard.
We have been supporters of your Presidency from before Day One, Mr. President Obama. We have an artist rendering of you and the Rev. Martin Luther King Jr., displayed in our living room. It is the first thing one sees when coming to visit us here in our home. I smile because I think of how many comments this portrait has gathered. No debates here, Sir., you are our President, Mr. Obama.
All my wife and I ask for is support from the Bank known as Wells Fargo and their underwriter's that have sure as hell been taking advantage of not only my wife and I, but I am certain that there are millions of your Citizens in this same position. I humble myself and I ask that you, my President, please provide my wife and I respite from these humiliation's our bank, the one known as Wells Fargo is placing before us.
My wife and I wish you much success with the upcoming elections, Mr. President Obama. Good Luck and please do "slam a dunk" on Mitt and his motley Crew!
My name is Mario. If you wish, you may reach me here on my blog. I'm also in the telephone book.
Thank You, Mr. President Obama!
Today is Wednesday, 10 October 2012. The time is 1608 and I won't take but a minute or two of your time. I ask that you please read my letter and be informed that the HARP program has denied my wife and I from financing our home. You see, our house is "up-side down" or is "under water" or which ever terminology is used when describing our home being affected by the market. Our home is worth major percentages less today than when we petitioned the bank then known as Wachovia to purchase it.
This is the Bank now known as Wells Fargo.
We petitioned Wells Fargo and were informed by a representative of Wells Fargo that the "underwriter's" denied us due to a debt to income ratio. Mr. President, wasn't it the purpose of your program to assist and aid those of us out here who want to keep their Home? Mr. Obama, we have not been late on our mortgage, we do not plan on being late, we do not plan of joining them who short-sell and leave negative balances for the bank to absorb, and we sure as hell do not wish to go into foreclosure.
Mr. President Obama, yes Sir., we have debt. I am on Social Security Disabled due to Meniere's Disease and Respiratory issues. My wife works hard Sir. She does her forty plus hours a week and she does work so damned hard.
We have been supporters of your Presidency from before Day One, Mr. President Obama. We have an artist rendering of you and the Rev. Martin Luther King Jr., displayed in our living room. It is the first thing one sees when coming to visit us here in our home. I smile because I think of how many comments this portrait has gathered. No debates here, Sir., you are our President, Mr. Obama.
All my wife and I ask for is support from the Bank known as Wells Fargo and their underwriter's that have sure as hell been taking advantage of not only my wife and I, but I am certain that there are millions of your Citizens in this same position. I humble myself and I ask that you, my President, please provide my wife and I respite from these humiliation's our bank, the one known as Wells Fargo is placing before us.
My wife and I wish you much success with the upcoming elections, Mr. President Obama. Good Luck and please do "slam a dunk" on Mitt and his motley Crew!
My name is Mario. If you wish, you may reach me here on my blog. I'm also in the telephone book.
Thank You, Mr. President Obama!
I DO NOT WANT TO BE EXILED ANYMORE YOU ALL!, "...ain't nobody got time for that..."
Am home from therapy with Sir Dude. Had an excellent visit and exchange with my therapist. Good talks and a bit of mental/emotional stimulation. Not quite an enema-of-mind yet cleansing. Motivational too. It was good to see him and spend time in a safe and comfortable place. Sir Dude even turns off the 'white noise' so that I am better able to listen. The white noise is a nice form of anti-snooping and may be comforting for some concerned that some one is able to listen in another office. I am not some and I really don't care too damned much who might catch a word or two of what we speak of anyway. In my gut, I know that if not for the meniere's disease I would have never met this right good man, Sir Dude. Even more than motivational, he is inspirational. We make an awesome team I know and I am mighty grateful.
This Meniere's Disease, has brought me to a place in my life where there is still such a void in my Center. That void is the void created by not having a job. A place where I can go, stay a few hours, meet some awesome Folks and bring home a pay check. The change in life style has been a culture shock and one hell of a huge eye opener. Please understand that my big goofy bobble head and I have been a tax paying citizen of this country since I was twelve years old. There were times when I worked two jobs and facilitated support groups on the side...
...I've gone from a manager at a popular coffee company with the best partners and team I had ever worked with. We may have had to bust our asses every day and work hard at creating the atmosphere that was a figment of my imagination, but it worked. It worked fantastically awesome. I miss those days. I honestly do. Oh, how I miss my Starbucks Coffee Company, my fellow partners and only, The Best Customers in The World. My Great Spirit! In any Starbucks House I ever worked, WE made sure that it was all about our customers AND one another. This was the only approach I took as a leader or coach - dating back to the early days of the military - it was absolutely necessary to take care of one another as we took care of OUR customer's. In the military the objectives may have been different, yes, but it was still a nonnegotiable approach for My Path, myself and those in my immediate circle. It is so. I miss much too much.
I damn this meniere's! I damn it to hell for what it has done to my dear Kinfolk, my friends and neighbours and my Kindred One's. I damn this bullshit of a disease for what it has done to me as a Human Body! I mentioned a couple or few communiques ago that I am an island. Well, prior to that comment I had never considered myself as such. I do now. I am isolated from the outside world and this is something I acknowledge today. I am isolated as if still in medical exile. I don't want to be exiled anymore you all. I scream this out silently onto this computer screen! I DO NOT WANT TO BE EXILED! I DO NOT WANT TO BE EXILED! I DO NOT WANT TO BE EXILED ANYMORE YOU ALL! I swear, I don't.
"...ain't nobody got time for that..."
This Meniere's Disease, has brought me to a place in my life where there is still such a void in my Center. That void is the void created by not having a job. A place where I can go, stay a few hours, meet some awesome Folks and bring home a pay check. The change in life style has been a culture shock and one hell of a huge eye opener. Please understand that my big goofy bobble head and I have been a tax paying citizen of this country since I was twelve years old. There were times when I worked two jobs and facilitated support groups on the side...
...I've gone from a manager at a popular coffee company with the best partners and team I had ever worked with. We may have had to bust our asses every day and work hard at creating the atmosphere that was a figment of my imagination, but it worked. It worked fantastically awesome. I miss those days. I honestly do. Oh, how I miss my Starbucks Coffee Company, my fellow partners and only, The Best Customers in The World. My Great Spirit! In any Starbucks House I ever worked, WE made sure that it was all about our customers AND one another. This was the only approach I took as a leader or coach - dating back to the early days of the military - it was absolutely necessary to take care of one another as we took care of OUR customer's. In the military the objectives may have been different, yes, but it was still a nonnegotiable approach for My Path, myself and those in my immediate circle. It is so. I miss much too much.
I damn this meniere's! I damn it to hell for what it has done to my dear Kinfolk, my friends and neighbours and my Kindred One's. I damn this bullshit of a disease for what it has done to me as a Human Body! I mentioned a couple or few communiques ago that I am an island. Well, prior to that comment I had never considered myself as such. I do now. I am isolated from the outside world and this is something I acknowledge today. I am isolated as if still in medical exile. I don't want to be exiled anymore you all. I scream this out silently onto this computer screen! I DO NOT WANT TO BE EXILED! I DO NOT WANT TO BE EXILED! I DO NOT WANT TO BE EXILED ANYMORE YOU ALL! I swear, I don't.
"...ain't nobody got time for that..."
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