Relations,
Hello and greeting's. Tonight, I open my heart a spell to share with you some things about what I am made of. What I'll say is not all encompassing, but I'll bat a few balls out there and give my guests the sense of what I speak.
This is a subject pressing hard from the inside out of me, I suspect it best to communicate some of this matter now to relieve myself of some of this stress, because Folks, sometimes I have learned, it is just absolutely necessary to repeat one's self every once and again when it comes to established boundaries, and I speak of them all, whether the boundary has been established by me or not. There are such things as simple right good common courtesy and respect type of boundaries.
Folks, these are the things that represent me and where I stand in my shoes at this time in my life. Today and well since the late 1980's I learn and have learned what boundaries are made of and what they mean. Too many in my Clan, too many Kinfolk and Kindred know by word spoken and words written of my boundaries. Yet many continue to trespass.
For one more last time I remind, I don't want anymore trespasses, I just don't want anymore.
Please, my Kin, understand this, I love a hug in greeting's and on departing, but other than this, there is no fucking reason to touch me. Ever. No, not anywhere on my body. And I don't give a shit where or why. So please, back up. Effective now there will be verbal situations about this. I am not here to amuse you, I am not your toy, nor am I a damned hound.
Understand this is intended FOR ALL EYES ONLY.
Please, do not lie to me. Just be honest. Your lies are reflected in your eyes.
Please do not betray other's by including me in your childish needless gossip's. I know as a reality, you would betray me just as quick as you have betrayed other's. I know this.
Please, do not betray me and please, not my trust.
Please, do not mock my disabilities. None of them.
Do not refer to me as faggot and or Gay. Yes, I try hard to be a happy and cheerful fellow, I may even on rare occasion throw out a flame or a snap-snap, but please, these are really gang signals you see? But Gay? You ignorant donkey. Oh yeah, I almost forgot, I've been married to my Bride, my sweet love and best good friend for life for three plus decades and I love her more than any one I have ever loved before...
...still, I have not been able to figure out and am working on figuring why it is Homophobes enjoy saying the words, Gay and faggot so much. I mean really, they're both so silly sounding. Oh, and by the way, I've learned that it is usually the one's who have a sad doubt about self who strike out with such silly drama queen ass shit. On the other hand, if you are a card holding member, you're free to say what-the-fuck-ever you wish.
Please, treat me the way you wish to be treated. Do not talk down on me. Never.
Please do not put your words in my mouth. Ever.
Understand I will not provide silent shelter to your trespasses anymore.
Please, know and note I will respect your boundaries whether you realize you have them or not.
So, it is written, then let it be done.
I may have more to say, I may not. I ask that for now, Kin please respect them. That's all.
Sunday, June 30, 2013
Saturday, June 29, 2013
I Am The Night Bird
Very much happens when one sleeps their life away, it seems to me. In my core I feel as if I've missed the last two days to live. No, not quite the straight forty-eight hours, but I would say damned near close enough. Forty? Un-medicated, meaning that during these times of deep sleep I go without my prescribed medicines. There is no purpose to all of this sleep other than to permit the monster within me called Meniere's Disease, its symptoms and curses that come along with it, permission to do what it wishes.
A harsh lesson learned is that the world continues to spin as the night bird sleeps and the world spins along without the song of the night bird, it matters not. I am the night bird and I miss my song. Earth Mother, she spins and spins and spins.
I am in a place where I desire to bleed. I try to cover this up by not speaking about it or acting out by cutting as my body aches for a bleed. Just one cup, eh? Just one. The tears in my gimpy left eye and the face I wear are mine to hide. I know boys don't cry, but this boy here tip-tapping away early this morning is one boy who does. I have learned alternatives to bleeding and crying for this bleeding. None of which I'll share right now, anyways. It matter's not.
I am exhausted from this pain that covers my body from head to feet. The pains in my scalp, the spasms in my ears, the pains in my neck and shoulders. Fuck it, I am just tired of all the pains. I am tired and angry about this once beautiful body being held hostage by the diseases and lesion that dwell within this skin...
...my one deaf ear is blaring out loud as if I was surrounded by a prairie of crickets and locusts. How is it a person with one deaf ear prays for silence? At least every once in a while. Please? The right-good-bad-ear to the brain works as it wishes, I have grown accustomed to the silence in an ear that should hear. The nausea that is in my throat at this moment makes me want to hurl bits and pieces of my innards. I would truly sacrifice a testicle to have this all ceased. Even if just for a while, I would like to live as a normal being. No cane, no quad canes or walkers. No more falls, no more sweating or vomiting, the pains or having my brain's spin and spin and spin.
I am tired of witnessing this wonderful planet we live on being raped and destroyed daily. This planet is Our Earth Mother! If folks have not seen or felt her anger, it will soon knock on your door. Relations, we are here but brief moments in the grand scheme of things, and we permit, perpetrate, and perpetuate utter and total destruction. It is like shitting in your living room and walking around it rather than cleaning it up. For God's sake, this is our home, Earth Mother, and this is where our children are born and our Elders die. This is where we kill one and another over dumb shit. Like religion.
Our Earth Mother does not stop to check on the silence of the night bird as She spins and spins.
Kindred, I am the night bird and I am the last Unicorn. I hold on to my solitary horn when I prepare for sleep as I fluff my fine multi coloured feathers, there in my safe place, my nest is where it is I cry and pray. This is where I sleep. Where it is my head spins and spins and spins.
Does this even matter?
A harsh lesson learned is that the world continues to spin as the night bird sleeps and the world spins along without the song of the night bird, it matters not. I am the night bird and I miss my song. Earth Mother, she spins and spins and spins.
I am in a place where I desire to bleed. I try to cover this up by not speaking about it or acting out by cutting as my body aches for a bleed. Just one cup, eh? Just one. The tears in my gimpy left eye and the face I wear are mine to hide. I know boys don't cry, but this boy here tip-tapping away early this morning is one boy who does. I have learned alternatives to bleeding and crying for this bleeding. None of which I'll share right now, anyways. It matter's not.
I am exhausted from this pain that covers my body from head to feet. The pains in my scalp, the spasms in my ears, the pains in my neck and shoulders. Fuck it, I am just tired of all the pains. I am tired and angry about this once beautiful body being held hostage by the diseases and lesion that dwell within this skin...
...my one deaf ear is blaring out loud as if I was surrounded by a prairie of crickets and locusts. How is it a person with one deaf ear prays for silence? At least every once in a while. Please? The right-good-bad-ear to the brain works as it wishes, I have grown accustomed to the silence in an ear that should hear. The nausea that is in my throat at this moment makes me want to hurl bits and pieces of my innards. I would truly sacrifice a testicle to have this all ceased. Even if just for a while, I would like to live as a normal being. No cane, no quad canes or walkers. No more falls, no more sweating or vomiting, the pains or having my brain's spin and spin and spin.
I am tired of witnessing this wonderful planet we live on being raped and destroyed daily. This planet is Our Earth Mother! If folks have not seen or felt her anger, it will soon knock on your door. Relations, we are here but brief moments in the grand scheme of things, and we permit, perpetrate, and perpetuate utter and total destruction. It is like shitting in your living room and walking around it rather than cleaning it up. For God's sake, this is our home, Earth Mother, and this is where our children are born and our Elders die. This is where we kill one and another over dumb shit. Like religion.
Our Earth Mother does not stop to check on the silence of the night bird as She spins and spins.
Kindred, I am the night bird and I am the last Unicorn. I hold on to my solitary horn when I prepare for sleep as I fluff my fine multi coloured feathers, there in my safe place, my nest is where it is I cry and pray. This is where I sleep. Where it is my head spins and spins and spins.
Does this even matter?
Messages And Prayers For Jason
Great Spirit,
I send your way messages and prayers, Great One, asking a miracle for Jason, the son of a very dear friend, my dear Old-Kindred-Spirit, who found out yesterday afternoon that her son Jason, has the Leukemia.
Jason, is a fine young man I've known since he was a wee little dude. So skinny then, and always so jolly and happy. My daughters, my wife Botswana, Jason, his brother, their mom, Old-Kindred-Spirit, and I enjoyed a couple/few Gasparilla Parades down town by the bay, when the kids were young, beautiful, and so at ease with the life we were living at the time.
Great Spirit, go and be by his side and breath a healing breathe into Jason's being. I pray.
My daughters performed the wedding song when my Old-Kindred-Spirit, married many years ago. Jason and his brother there with his Mom and us, way up there in an office tower down town.
Great Spirit, I ask and beg, will you please reach into Jason's body and remove this illness?
Jason, is a grown Man these days, with children of his own, a wife, employment and a home to run. The photographs I have seen of him over the past few years reflect that of a skinny little dude who has grown into a mighty handsome, big and awesome Dad, husband and son.
My heart and Spirit's scream and cry, Great Spirit! What am I to do, but, pray? So, it is then, I send your way messages and prayers for Jason. Prayers for his wonderful young family. And his Mom, my dearest life long friend, Old-Kindred-Spirit. The love I have for her is unspeakable, the love I have had for her family unquestionable. Bless them one and all!
Go Great One, in great haste, please go. Touch the hearts and Spirit's of this family. Ya-Hey!
I send your way messages and prayers, Great One, asking a miracle for Jason, the son of a very dear friend, my dear Old-Kindred-Spirit, who found out yesterday afternoon that her son Jason, has the Leukemia.
Jason, is a fine young man I've known since he was a wee little dude. So skinny then, and always so jolly and happy. My daughters, my wife Botswana, Jason, his brother, their mom, Old-Kindred-Spirit, and I enjoyed a couple/few Gasparilla Parades down town by the bay, when the kids were young, beautiful, and so at ease with the life we were living at the time.
Great Spirit, go and be by his side and breath a healing breathe into Jason's being. I pray.
My daughters performed the wedding song when my Old-Kindred-Spirit, married many years ago. Jason and his brother there with his Mom and us, way up there in an office tower down town.
Great Spirit, I ask and beg, will you please reach into Jason's body and remove this illness?
Jason, is a grown Man these days, with children of his own, a wife, employment and a home to run. The photographs I have seen of him over the past few years reflect that of a skinny little dude who has grown into a mighty handsome, big and awesome Dad, husband and son.
My heart and Spirit's scream and cry, Great Spirit! What am I to do, but, pray? So, it is then, I send your way messages and prayers for Jason. Prayers for his wonderful young family. And his Mom, my dearest life long friend, Old-Kindred-Spirit. The love I have for her is unspeakable, the love I have had for her family unquestionable. Bless them one and all!
Go Great One, in great haste, please go. Touch the hearts and Spirit's of this family. Ya-Hey!
Thursday, June 27, 2013
Mixed Innards Of My Brains
This morning I have felt the rising sun's warmth on the cheeks of my face.
Along with the coolness coming from the swampy preserve.
It's mist slowly lifting like smoke signals.
The Cardinal and Blue Jay have broken fast.
My left eye is half closed. Half open?
Still a mystery to me, this lazy eye thing.
I don't want a nick name. No Lame Eye.
No, Lucky Left Eye, or any of that shit.
I have not been able to sleep since yesterday
morning before I woke from sleep. Soon comes
Twenty Four hours awake. Like the liqueur store cross
town, the one open 24-7, the one that sells cups by the
cup and ice by the cube to the old Mexican.
I have wondered during this past night, around
the innards of my brain's, if my name was not mine,
and I was not a mixed blood and have this peculiar
complexion on my leather and haunches, would
the wheels of the medical profession treat particular.
The Daily Ear Spasms. The Daily Facial Spasms. The Cluster
bombs that explode as an ambush. No notice. Just pain.
My neck, left shoulder and arm are in pain. The cervical
spine laughs at the lower lumbar pain that has moved in.
A shout out about this damned pain that makes me want to scream. Sir.
Along with the coolness coming from the swampy preserve.
It's mist slowly lifting like smoke signals.
The Cardinal and Blue Jay have broken fast.
My left eye is half closed. Half open?
Still a mystery to me, this lazy eye thing.
I don't want a nick name. No Lame Eye.
No, Lucky Left Eye, or any of that shit.
I have not been able to sleep since yesterday
morning before I woke from sleep. Soon comes
Twenty Four hours awake. Like the liqueur store cross
town, the one open 24-7, the one that sells cups by the
cup and ice by the cube to the old Mexican.
I have wondered during this past night, around
the innards of my brain's, if my name was not mine,
and I was not a mixed blood and have this peculiar
complexion on my leather and haunches, would
the wheels of the medical profession treat particular.
The Daily Ear Spasms. The Daily Facial Spasms. The Cluster
bombs that explode as an ambush. No notice. Just pain.
My neck, left shoulder and arm are in pain. The cervical
spine laughs at the lower lumbar pain that has moved in.
A shout out about this damned pain that makes me want to scream. Sir.
The Pain That I Am In Is Inhumane
I listen to the frog orgy going on out of doors tonight. Sounds like a frenzy going on out there. Out there in the preserve and out back there by the pool. That's why I am so jolly about chlorine. Oh yeah, it works just like bleach I think. Really. But, my goodness, sounds almost as loud as the semi-truck that is racing it's engine in my deaf left ear. The crickets and cicadas are so damned loud I can't tell which one's are from within and which one's are from out side. I'm not really that interested in confirming these sounds and noises tonight, the all of what I know is that these are damned obnoxious tonight, this being a minor reason I am unable to fall asleep tonight.
Meniere's symptoms have had their way with me for a mighty long time. Today, there was a purpose in taking a step out to visit my sister here in town. My big sister. No, not really. She hates it when I say that to her. Still. She's my First sibling and first of four awesome sisters. I may not be a wealthy man with the banks, but the bank called my heart is rich with the love of my sister's, two brother-in-law's, and nieces and nephews X three dozen. Too be blessed with such love and so many young one's to call my wife and I, Theo and Tia. I was able to hang out with two super cool nephews by phone late this evening, just Bubba, Tong Tong and Theo. I loved it! Is a God's Gift and Blessing. I know this and I love them all to Deaf. I really do. Great Spirit, please watch over, protect, and guide our youth, our children and the children who come after them.
I am seeing the cycles of life clearer than if I was wearing my glasses when I made that comment. It is very simply the truth. I had this vision and passion of and for life as a youth and knew then as a wee child that I must listen to my Elders and do as they would say do. I look back and into the depths of my memory banks and can locate memories of the cycles that were passing on by me at the beat of time. Times cycles are to remind us of lessons learned. Seen.
A major problem I am having to deal with this evening, and has it has been for way to long now, are the pains that are wrecking my body. This is inhumane. No! I don't want more medication's, but something must give soon. And I'm afraid that it is my own best emotions that is going to suffer the most. Same every day and every night and tonight it is because of pain that I am unable to lay next to my dear angel and slumber. These pains ranking high enough for me to cuss and scream, but I won't. These pains high enough for me to go to the emergency department, bull shit. My God, from my skull, my ear spasms, facial spasms. The pains in my neck, shoulder, and cervical spine, the pains in my lumbar spine is where I am forced to slump to my right side of torso to keep me from a constant "Ten Pain".
I am nauseated this evening - have been all day, I threw up after mid day meal and vomited in my mouth once. The sweating, perspiration's and misting's have subsided plenty good. I am wearing my favorite bandanna tonight, and I know it worked a couple three shifts this evening.
The state of dizziness did keep me from venturing out earlier in the day with my dear wife. I mean, you do know that Brooklyn is my sweet dear wife. My walk and gait have been off course, so I stayed home for that field trip. I hope the morrow brings a stronger and better day. I look forward to it.
These damned sounds are so loud. Good goodness.
A huge factor in not yet falling to sleep is due to the constant pain I have through out my body. From my scalp, where I have the cluster pains and have horrid muscle spasms in my ears. The facial spasms happen every damned day of life - some days, many times. WTF? The spiders too. There is the neurological pains that I have been living with on a daily basis, the suffering of pain in my lower back that I have had to deal with and it's spasms all too often. For fucking years.
My neck and shoulders, more so the left shoulder, but the right side of my body has become affected by whatever it is I am going through with the cervical spine issues. The neurological stuff. Or that lesion on my spinal cord. God Help.
I am scared of having another Meniere's vertigo attack, so please let me follow a couple or few superstitions. Okay?
Please, let me wish all a Good Night.
Good Night.
Meniere's symptoms have had their way with me for a mighty long time. Today, there was a purpose in taking a step out to visit my sister here in town. My big sister. No, not really. She hates it when I say that to her. Still. She's my First sibling and first of four awesome sisters. I may not be a wealthy man with the banks, but the bank called my heart is rich with the love of my sister's, two brother-in-law's, and nieces and nephews X three dozen. Too be blessed with such love and so many young one's to call my wife and I, Theo and Tia. I was able to hang out with two super cool nephews by phone late this evening, just Bubba, Tong Tong and Theo. I loved it! Is a God's Gift and Blessing. I know this and I love them all to Deaf. I really do. Great Spirit, please watch over, protect, and guide our youth, our children and the children who come after them.
I am seeing the cycles of life clearer than if I was wearing my glasses when I made that comment. It is very simply the truth. I had this vision and passion of and for life as a youth and knew then as a wee child that I must listen to my Elders and do as they would say do. I look back and into the depths of my memory banks and can locate memories of the cycles that were passing on by me at the beat of time. Times cycles are to remind us of lessons learned. Seen.
A major problem I am having to deal with this evening, and has it has been for way to long now, are the pains that are wrecking my body. This is inhumane. No! I don't want more medication's, but something must give soon. And I'm afraid that it is my own best emotions that is going to suffer the most. Same every day and every night and tonight it is because of pain that I am unable to lay next to my dear angel and slumber. These pains ranking high enough for me to cuss and scream, but I won't. These pains high enough for me to go to the emergency department, bull shit. My God, from my skull, my ear spasms, facial spasms. The pains in my neck, shoulder, and cervical spine, the pains in my lumbar spine is where I am forced to slump to my right side of torso to keep me from a constant "Ten Pain".
I am nauseated this evening - have been all day, I threw up after mid day meal and vomited in my mouth once. The sweating, perspiration's and misting's have subsided plenty good. I am wearing my favorite bandanna tonight, and I know it worked a couple three shifts this evening.
The state of dizziness did keep me from venturing out earlier in the day with my dear wife. I mean, you do know that Brooklyn is my sweet dear wife. My walk and gait have been off course, so I stayed home for that field trip. I hope the morrow brings a stronger and better day. I look forward to it.
These damned sounds are so loud. Good goodness.
A huge factor in not yet falling to sleep is due to the constant pain I have through out my body. From my scalp, where I have the cluster pains and have horrid muscle spasms in my ears. The facial spasms happen every damned day of life - some days, many times. WTF? The spiders too. There is the neurological pains that I have been living with on a daily basis, the suffering of pain in my lower back that I have had to deal with and it's spasms all too often. For fucking years.
My neck and shoulders, more so the left shoulder, but the right side of my body has become affected by whatever it is I am going through with the cervical spine issues. The neurological stuff. Or that lesion on my spinal cord. God Help.
I am scared of having another Meniere's vertigo attack, so please let me follow a couple or few superstitions. Okay?
Please, let me wish all a Good Night.
Good Night.
Wednesday, June 26, 2013
A Fourth Ear Hole Comes Soon
There were some numerical scenario's manifest with a quickness between the three ear holes of mine this afternoon. Much calculation is necessary during these times of change. By the way, the three ear holes are my natural two ear holes and it is necessary I include my implant in the ear count as well. Soon, that count will climb to four. Yes! Sometimes soon, I hope, I will be afforded the opportunity to receive hearing aid cart blanch, for my right good bad ear hole to the brain. Oh my God, I was like, wait. What? Really? Stop it.
While maintaining a grip of my emotions, them busting at the stitches, I listened to the beautiful voice and heart of the one who informed of a fabulous blessing. The voice coming from the phone-on-loud was my Audiologist, a dear friend and a connected Kindred One. Please, I'll say her name is something like this, Doctor Blanche, M.B. What? That must be one of my best name blessings ever. But then, you see, Doctor Blanche, M.B., is one of my best blessings and allies with this disease, Menerie's I have had ever.
I am having to place this beautiful gesture and blessing on the back burner for a spell. My Bride and I face daily the omni present conflict with debt and health. At this time, we can ill afford the fee for the molding of my ear plug. Soon, Eh? Speaking of ear plug! I am considering getting an off colour ear bud which looks like a bit of silly putty and shape-shifted into the shape of one's ear hole. Holy shit! Can you imagine? Oh, I can't wait!
Thank you to my dear audiologist, Dr. Blanche, M.B. Thank you to my Dr. He-Who-Touched-My-Brain, my gut tells me you have a hand in this cake mix some how. Thank you both, and thanks to all of the awesome, professional, and caring staff there at the hearing and balance centre.
I have shed so too many tears lately, the tears that reached my Spirit's about a simple hearing aid, originated here in the place of business where I am treated as if I am the Uncle. I love that, and I love them. Each and every one, yeah. Blessing's.
While maintaining a grip of my emotions, them busting at the stitches, I listened to the beautiful voice and heart of the one who informed of a fabulous blessing. The voice coming from the phone-on-loud was my Audiologist, a dear friend and a connected Kindred One. Please, I'll say her name is something like this, Doctor Blanche, M.B. What? That must be one of my best name blessings ever. But then, you see, Doctor Blanche, M.B., is one of my best blessings and allies with this disease, Menerie's I have had ever.
I am having to place this beautiful gesture and blessing on the back burner for a spell. My Bride and I face daily the omni present conflict with debt and health. At this time, we can ill afford the fee for the molding of my ear plug. Soon, Eh? Speaking of ear plug! I am considering getting an off colour ear bud which looks like a bit of silly putty and shape-shifted into the shape of one's ear hole. Holy shit! Can you imagine? Oh, I can't wait!
Thank you to my dear audiologist, Dr. Blanche, M.B. Thank you to my Dr. He-Who-Touched-My-Brain, my gut tells me you have a hand in this cake mix some how. Thank you both, and thanks to all of the awesome, professional, and caring staff there at the hearing and balance centre.
I have shed so too many tears lately, the tears that reached my Spirit's about a simple hearing aid, originated here in the place of business where I am treated as if I am the Uncle. I love that, and I love them. Each and every one, yeah. Blessing's.
Tuesday, June 25, 2013
A Question From A Reader, "Does Gentamicin Injections Hurt?"
My Dear Guest's,
A reader has provided this question, "Does Gentamicin Injections Hurt?".
My simple and immediate response must be, HELL YES! And please, do not let anyone else say other wise. The pains created by the medicine injected directly into one's ear chambers, are pains that a person never forgets.
The pains are very harsh and extreme, but please know each injection lasts but moments, then to recover. Kindred, this medicine hurt so badly that I wanted to curse and cuss right there in front of He-Who-Has-Touched-My-Brain! If memory serves me properly, I did curse at him once - that is just how damned bad the pain is...
...but, remember this, if you can handle intense pain for short periods of time, the injections will be over and done with before much time has passed in clinic.
If your doctor has recommended this approach on the battle against Meniere's Disease, please have a heart to heart with your doctor. I did.
Love, peace, and more peace,
Mario
A reader has provided this question, "Does Gentamicin Injections Hurt?".
My simple and immediate response must be, HELL YES! And please, do not let anyone else say other wise. The pains created by the medicine injected directly into one's ear chambers, are pains that a person never forgets.
The pains are very harsh and extreme, but please know each injection lasts but moments, then to recover. Kindred, this medicine hurt so badly that I wanted to curse and cuss right there in front of He-Who-Has-Touched-My-Brain! If memory serves me properly, I did curse at him once - that is just how damned bad the pain is...
...but, remember this, if you can handle intense pain for short periods of time, the injections will be over and done with before much time has passed in clinic.
If your doctor has recommended this approach on the battle against Meniere's Disease, please have a heart to heart with your doctor. I did.
Love, peace, and more peace,
Mario
She Said, "That There Is A Lesion And I Have To Go See A Nuerologist".
I received a call late this afternoon from the Dr. Rhuematologist's Clinic, which is under the same roof as my life long Internist. I've known this doctor, my Internist, longer than I've known some Kinfolk out here. It was odd to take this call so late in the afternoon, it being 1748 and all. To have had to wait twelve days for a message that could have no doubt been expedited is frustrating for me. I know this, in most businesses I deal with 12 days is just too totally unacceptable.
But, a message pertaining to a health matter? Now America. you know this is not right. En'it?
Then, while speaking with the doctor's nurse, She-With-The-Same-Name as my Cowgirl cousin, I had what amounted to having to listen to the young lady speak and laugh and so on.
I wasn't wanting to laugh or hear laughter from some one I was to receive this form of message from. As the good right reader may know, I am Single Side Deaf and Hard of Hearing and was having a difficult time hearing and listening to her speak and or respond to my questions. I am disappointed in self for not pressing more on questions and answers, I felt rushed and awkward and really don't know if I received a professional call from one bearing such a message.
This message the young lady was to report to me was that, "she (the doctor) said that there is a lesion and you have to go see a Neurologist". The message that I have been waiting for one week, five days, is this, "she said, that there is a lesion and I have to go see a Neurologist.
Alright then, this is a minute when I get up and stretch my legs and limbs. Disengage? Yes.
I will be phoning the Internist Clinic come the morrow. One, to cancel the appointment that was scheduled for my ex-rheumatologist and I, come 8 July, second to release from any further duties this latest team member, and to connect with my life long Internist. I try to beg the pardon of this rheumatologist's over sight and the very unprofessional manner with which the message was conveyed, but, I just need to speak with my dear doctor.
Kinfolk, by the way, I hand delivered the results from the first MRI to Dr. She-With-Many-Names, on the Tampa General Hospital compound the afternoon of 18 June. Directly after an appointment I had with He-Who-Touched-My-Brain, who also received a copy. Tomorrow morning the young lady with the ex-rheumatologist is to send all latest reports to my neurologist. I believe she will, but there will be one last call to that team, to confirm transaction between hospital's and to fax me a copy of all pertinent reports relating to this new medical case with my name on it.
Wait. Let me please get this off my chest, please? Okay, then, on 10 June, I was informed that there is a lesion on the tip on my spinal cord. Now, even though the first test and report stated this information, the doctor had me do two more very expensive MRI's, with both the contrast and without contrast, which showed the same-same. Wow, seems as if a few days really did get swept away.
I am sorry to my daughter's and my dear sweet wife for my health related issues that seem to compound before our very eye's. Oh, my dear Baby's, what has this mixed blooded gene pool placed onto your DNA.
As I receive news of this latest health related issue I will share with all readers and guests.
Seen? Enough said, and shit.
But, a message pertaining to a health matter? Now America. you know this is not right. En'it?
Then, while speaking with the doctor's nurse, She-With-The-Same-Name as my Cowgirl cousin, I had what amounted to having to listen to the young lady speak and laugh and so on.
I wasn't wanting to laugh or hear laughter from some one I was to receive this form of message from. As the good right reader may know, I am Single Side Deaf and Hard of Hearing and was having a difficult time hearing and listening to her speak and or respond to my questions. I am disappointed in self for not pressing more on questions and answers, I felt rushed and awkward and really don't know if I received a professional call from one bearing such a message.
This message the young lady was to report to me was that, "she (the doctor) said that there is a lesion and you have to go see a Neurologist". The message that I have been waiting for one week, five days, is this, "she said, that there is a lesion and I have to go see a Neurologist.
Alright then, this is a minute when I get up and stretch my legs and limbs. Disengage? Yes.
I will be phoning the Internist Clinic come the morrow. One, to cancel the appointment that was scheduled for my ex-rheumatologist and I, come 8 July, second to release from any further duties this latest team member, and to connect with my life long Internist. I try to beg the pardon of this rheumatologist's over sight and the very unprofessional manner with which the message was conveyed, but, I just need to speak with my dear doctor.
Kinfolk, by the way, I hand delivered the results from the first MRI to Dr. She-With-Many-Names, on the Tampa General Hospital compound the afternoon of 18 June. Directly after an appointment I had with He-Who-Touched-My-Brain, who also received a copy. Tomorrow morning the young lady with the ex-rheumatologist is to send all latest reports to my neurologist. I believe she will, but there will be one last call to that team, to confirm transaction between hospital's and to fax me a copy of all pertinent reports relating to this new medical case with my name on it.
Wait. Let me please get this off my chest, please? Okay, then, on 10 June, I was informed that there is a lesion on the tip on my spinal cord. Now, even though the first test and report stated this information, the doctor had me do two more very expensive MRI's, with both the contrast and without contrast, which showed the same-same. Wow, seems as if a few days really did get swept away.
I am sorry to my daughter's and my dear sweet wife for my health related issues that seem to compound before our very eye's. Oh, my dear Baby's, what has this mixed blooded gene pool placed onto your DNA.
As I receive news of this latest health related issue I will share with all readers and guests.
Seen? Enough said, and shit.
Monday, June 24, 2013
Meniere's Disease, Sleep, And An Ambition
Kindred,
Other than two appointments last week, one with Dr. Danner and the other with my therapist, Sir Dude, I have been in a deep state of Meniere's, vertigo attack sleep mode. I have been sleeping on average eighteen to twenty hours of sleep per day since the evening of Sunday 16 June. Thinking back to my week end in Valdosta, GA, I remember sleeping too much while there out on a brief holidays. Today is 24 June, and I am still deep within the grasp of not only the sleep, but also the gloom that has found its way back into my life's day to day. It was the evening of the 16th that I had the first of two attacks in one week and the third of the month, June.
My ambition tonight is to send out this communique to let my Relations know that I am okay. With all of the latest news of this and that's, in a very odd and surreal sort of way, I am okay, and in all actuality, tonight I am okay being okay. I'm just very sleepy. Sad too.
Knowing that there remains six or so days until end of month reminds me to be ever aware of my environment, though it seems with exception of a couple of days, I have been confined to home all month. As it has been ordered by the Meniere's Disease and it's symptoms and or consequences. Sleep, being a consequence. I think, you see, and sadly I still can not figure out why it is.
It is unfortunate news to share that my left eye has been sadly afflicted with some sort of laziness, certainly as a result of the Meniere's and it's attacks. It hurts me to look in the mirror and see the left eye being all gimp like and shit. It's like always half opened. Yes, really.
I am feeling uncomfortable and I am wanting to go back to my safe place for sleep. I am sweating, nauseated, dizzy and both ears are full of loud noise and sound. The right ear which can't hear so well these days is with the loud roar of a giant water fall. So loud and so obnoxious. I have had productive nausea and have thrown up in my mouth twice. Time for sleep. Sadly.
Other than two appointments last week, one with Dr. Danner and the other with my therapist, Sir Dude, I have been in a deep state of Meniere's, vertigo attack sleep mode. I have been sleeping on average eighteen to twenty hours of sleep per day since the evening of Sunday 16 June. Thinking back to my week end in Valdosta, GA, I remember sleeping too much while there out on a brief holidays. Today is 24 June, and I am still deep within the grasp of not only the sleep, but also the gloom that has found its way back into my life's day to day. It was the evening of the 16th that I had the first of two attacks in one week and the third of the month, June.
My ambition tonight is to send out this communique to let my Relations know that I am okay. With all of the latest news of this and that's, in a very odd and surreal sort of way, I am okay, and in all actuality, tonight I am okay being okay. I'm just very sleepy. Sad too.
Knowing that there remains six or so days until end of month reminds me to be ever aware of my environment, though it seems with exception of a couple of days, I have been confined to home all month. As it has been ordered by the Meniere's Disease and it's symptoms and or consequences. Sleep, being a consequence. I think, you see, and sadly I still can not figure out why it is.
It is unfortunate news to share that my left eye has been sadly afflicted with some sort of laziness, certainly as a result of the Meniere's and it's attacks. It hurts me to look in the mirror and see the left eye being all gimp like and shit. It's like always half opened. Yes, really.
I am feeling uncomfortable and I am wanting to go back to my safe place for sleep. I am sweating, nauseated, dizzy and both ears are full of loud noise and sound. The right ear which can't hear so well these days is with the loud roar of a giant water fall. So loud and so obnoxious. I have had productive nausea and have thrown up in my mouth twice. Time for sleep. Sadly.
Paula, Oh Paula
Greetings,
Dear Guests, I try to keep my communiques brief and straight to the point. Sometimes it works, sometimes it don't, and really, I attempt to let flow from within and through these finger tips moving at 25 words per minute, which is about as fast as I can type for now what it is that I have on my mind. Or in my face, every got damned day, and that's okay by me. Sometimes my words come fresh from my skulls innards - sometimes they come from my heart too. And then, there's the times when I just might tend to talk straight from my gut, which is just a wee few inches up from my butt. Yes, I did pass a thought of saying my ass, but changed my mind real quick like. For some reason, like maybe because I am trying to hold back on the profanity and such. I don't know, but, and really, I don't give a shit should I pepper my language every once and again, I'm okay with that too, you know, especially about some good ass son-of-a-bitching could use some good cussing. Usually myself, but then that's another chat.
Speaking of cussing and a cursing, I want to send out a holler to Paula Deen and her Kinfolk, Kindred and all relations. There has been a storm stewing up in my head about what the media has said and done, and there's just a few things I really must get off of my mind.
Effective today, 24 June 2013, I raise my hand and state as clearly as I might muster, that Ms. Deen, formerly of the Food Network, and as of today terminated by Smithfield Meats, has my undying love and total support. I know that Mama Deen will be going through some difficult times for a spell and may could go through some sad times. Maybe not. Mama Paula, admits to using the word nigger. She says she said said this in the past. Kin, I don't give a shit colored green by the greens I ate for supper tonight if she uttered that word last week.
Well, it is my opinion that Ms. Paula Deen, is being scape goated right from the network and businesses she worked so hard at developing and establishing a clientele from which these and certain other companies could draw very big money. Her every associate has used the word. From the big boss people in New York City, the big New York press and news, to the bank Miss. Deen draws her check from. Then, true, these are only the Northern folks I speak of. All I say, is she has been with them who have more than once in their lives, said the word nigger. As a fact, I admit that I have been surrounded by people who used that term. Latin, Black, and White. Look, I'm from the Southern United States of America, my ancestors and their elders have been born, lived, fought and died here in the South. When I heard the President LBJ use that term I just about shit my slacks, but I am a multi-generational Southerner. I am a mixed breed and I've been called a nigger. By complete strangers, mostly White folks, but then, and more times than I can remember, by my own family and friends. I've also been called worse.
Let me wrap this up then, I don't give a ton of buffalo shit what Ms. Deen said or when she said it. It is so totally disgusting how a few powerful people, who have uttered this same word, which in reality is a term that is a part of the American vernacular in today's society, maybe even more so now than ever before. Over all the use of profanity has become as blase as a person getting caught farting on the bus. I, you see, tend to choose my audience when uttering such shitty language.
Seen?
P. S. Effective today, I will no longer view any program on the Food Network and shall no longer consume Smithfield products.
Dear Guests, I try to keep my communiques brief and straight to the point. Sometimes it works, sometimes it don't, and really, I attempt to let flow from within and through these finger tips moving at 25 words per minute, which is about as fast as I can type for now what it is that I have on my mind. Or in my face, every got damned day, and that's okay by me. Sometimes my words come fresh from my skulls innards - sometimes they come from my heart too. And then, there's the times when I just might tend to talk straight from my gut, which is just a wee few inches up from my butt. Yes, I did pass a thought of saying my ass, but changed my mind real quick like. For some reason, like maybe because I am trying to hold back on the profanity and such. I don't know, but, and really, I don't give a shit should I pepper my language every once and again, I'm okay with that too, you know, especially about some good ass son-of-a-bitching could use some good cussing. Usually myself, but then that's another chat.
Speaking of cussing and a cursing, I want to send out a holler to Paula Deen and her Kinfolk, Kindred and all relations. There has been a storm stewing up in my head about what the media has said and done, and there's just a few things I really must get off of my mind.
Effective today, 24 June 2013, I raise my hand and state as clearly as I might muster, that Ms. Deen, formerly of the Food Network, and as of today terminated by Smithfield Meats, has my undying love and total support. I know that Mama Deen will be going through some difficult times for a spell and may could go through some sad times. Maybe not. Mama Paula, admits to using the word nigger. She says she said said this in the past. Kin, I don't give a shit colored green by the greens I ate for supper tonight if she uttered that word last week.
Well, it is my opinion that Ms. Paula Deen, is being scape goated right from the network and businesses she worked so hard at developing and establishing a clientele from which these and certain other companies could draw very big money. Her every associate has used the word. From the big boss people in New York City, the big New York press and news, to the bank Miss. Deen draws her check from. Then, true, these are only the Northern folks I speak of. All I say, is she has been with them who have more than once in their lives, said the word nigger. As a fact, I admit that I have been surrounded by people who used that term. Latin, Black, and White. Look, I'm from the Southern United States of America, my ancestors and their elders have been born, lived, fought and died here in the South. When I heard the President LBJ use that term I just about shit my slacks, but I am a multi-generational Southerner. I am a mixed breed and I've been called a nigger. By complete strangers, mostly White folks, but then, and more times than I can remember, by my own family and friends. I've also been called worse.
Let me wrap this up then, I don't give a ton of buffalo shit what Ms. Deen said or when she said it. It is so totally disgusting how a few powerful people, who have uttered this same word, which in reality is a term that is a part of the American vernacular in today's society, maybe even more so now than ever before. Over all the use of profanity has become as blase as a person getting caught farting on the bus. I, you see, tend to choose my audience when uttering such shitty language.
Seen?
P. S. Effective today, I will no longer view any program on the Food Network and shall no longer consume Smithfield products.
Saturday, June 22, 2013
Me And Electric Fencing For Pastured Livestock
Kinfolk,
Greeting's. Look, if you all don't mind too much, I would love to share with you, what I kind of accidentally experienced last Sunday, the 16 of June.
Well, it's all so very simple, and like this you see? My sweet and awesomely beautifully handsome brother-in-law, Mr. Moresize, my eldest sister Ana Maria Carmen Louisa, and I were out back of my sister's house that faces the lake, cows, and geese. They were both smoking cigarettes and I was just in a sweet place of being - even though I knew we would be leaving for Tampa Bay real soon like. We were studying, listening, and looking about, just chilling. I noticed that there were three layers of fencing that separated the cows, goats and geese, from my sister's and her wife's and in-laws house.
There was four or so line of metal wire running from fence post to fence post. Then, there was some barbed wire up top maybe three barbed wire high. Possibly, eh?
There was this one rusted and run tight wire that had junctions at each post. I studied and figured that this was the "Pasture Management", Power Fence and Live Stock Equipment wire. To my four eye's I say a rusting old wire running from one post to another. I had considered that the community just West of Valdosta, GA, had been here many years. The name of the surrounding land owner is well know here. It's on the street sign too. Um.
But, any way's, this "Electric Fencing For Pasture Livestock", looked dead and non functioning.
So, I tap-tapped the top side of my right hand's four finger's. You know, dahlin', just tap-tap-tap and just like that too, and nothing happened - so, I tap-tap-taped the top of my right hand and got "ZAP Zapped!" I mean, it was so shocking that I went blind momentarily, I did an odd Georgia State Shuffle and was none for the wear. The three of us laughed so hard my sis almost pissed her shorts. Them danged neighbours heard us hollering, screaming, and carrying on with no clue of what had just happened. I got very zap-zapped by a voltage that was between 2,000 and 10,000 Volts. Oh yeah, I did. I got zapped like that and had the time of my life.
I bet you this my Kindred, that Zap-Zap, changed my mind about a lot of things in life. It was like this ...
...ZAP-ZAP Bitch!
Greeting's. Look, if you all don't mind too much, I would love to share with you, what I kind of accidentally experienced last Sunday, the 16 of June.
Well, it's all so very simple, and like this you see? My sweet and awesomely beautifully handsome brother-in-law, Mr. Moresize, my eldest sister Ana Maria Carmen Louisa, and I were out back of my sister's house that faces the lake, cows, and geese. They were both smoking cigarettes and I was just in a sweet place of being - even though I knew we would be leaving for Tampa Bay real soon like. We were studying, listening, and looking about, just chilling. I noticed that there were three layers of fencing that separated the cows, goats and geese, from my sister's and her wife's and in-laws house.
There was four or so line of metal wire running from fence post to fence post. Then, there was some barbed wire up top maybe three barbed wire high. Possibly, eh?
There was this one rusted and run tight wire that had junctions at each post. I studied and figured that this was the "Pasture Management", Power Fence and Live Stock Equipment wire. To my four eye's I say a rusting old wire running from one post to another. I had considered that the community just West of Valdosta, GA, had been here many years. The name of the surrounding land owner is well know here. It's on the street sign too. Um.
But, any way's, this "Electric Fencing For Pasture Livestock", looked dead and non functioning.
So, I tap-tapped the top side of my right hand's four finger's. You know, dahlin', just tap-tap-tap and just like that too, and nothing happened - so, I tap-tap-taped the top of my right hand and got "ZAP Zapped!" I mean, it was so shocking that I went blind momentarily, I did an odd Georgia State Shuffle and was none for the wear. The three of us laughed so hard my sis almost pissed her shorts. Them danged neighbours heard us hollering, screaming, and carrying on with no clue of what had just happened. I got very zap-zapped by a voltage that was between 2,000 and 10,000 Volts. Oh yeah, I did. I got zapped like that and had the time of my life.
I bet you this my Kindred, that Zap-Zap, changed my mind about a lot of things in life. It was like this ...
...ZAP-ZAP Bitch!
Life Escaping A Lesion, Drama, And Stress
Kindred,
As I mentioned in a previous communique, on Thursday the 13 of June, my wife transported me to the place of radiology, where I had more MRI's done. With and with out contrast because of a lesion that has been located on the tip of my spinal cord. It was shortly there after these tests that I communicated and genuinely insisted that my bride and I get to remove ourselves, if but for a couple of days, from all of the drama and stresses brewing around these parts. Witnessing what my dearest significant other was going through and experiencing, broke my heart. My Wife, always so strong and certain, was moved, to see her go through the stresses and emotional strain with her sudden release from a job she was totally dedicated to, and so very loyal, hurt. Us both.
It was important for me to get her and I out of this Tampa Bay area and see and be with some Kinfolk, be with a different peoples, and awesome little towns and villages. My Sis, East-Face-From-West-Tampa, co piloted with the Great One, and guided us up to my brides dad's place of birth, her biological dad that is. A Southern Man, born in Ray City, Georgia. I have visited his burial grounds in Davie, Florida, many times. Now I am able to say that I have visited his place of birth, and for some reason, I feel quite well about this. I wonder if his youthful spirit's were there with us, to help, and try to get us to forget a few things for a few minutes. Mr. Sapp, I felt your presence and am pleased to meet you. Thank you for your daughter's hand in marriage.
There we were, just one Saturday ago, a wee bit West of Valdosta, Georgia. Out there near that major maxim security prison, where I know a mighty fine good man who works there. "Hogan's Hero's", couldn't bust out of this address. Hell Nope. My eldest sister Ana Maria Carmen Louisa, my Botswana, and I were so happy to be there celebrating my baby sister's surprise birthday party for herself. Right there in the woods, with the cows, dozens of geese, and some right down awesome vittles. We joined with in-laws who feel so much more like our family than in-law's. I love them all to deaf. My sis Face, will turn fifty only once up down South, so we had to go. Just get gone and going. I am so happy that we did and I know my baby is too.
Sunday, the 16th, while in preparation for our return home, we hung out at Face's house a spell. My Sis and I drove about and all over Valdosta and couldn't find one danged Post Card. In the mean time, my sister Ana Maria Carmen and my wife, Botswana, had one of our tire's burst. There was a screw in the front right tire filled with that fancy chemical gas that I can't recall, but yes, we had a flat occur while out on a brief time away from our dramas and stress. I really have thought many times, my God, what if that had blown while we were on the interstate. No doubt, it would have been catastrophic. Botswana, drives like a James Bond girl. Thanks to the right kind gentlemen at the Super Wal-Mart, we were able to eliminate a high stress factor for just under twenty U.S. dollar. Thank you Great Spirit.
Blessed.
As I mentioned in a previous communique, on Thursday the 13 of June, my wife transported me to the place of radiology, where I had more MRI's done. With and with out contrast because of a lesion that has been located on the tip of my spinal cord. It was shortly there after these tests that I communicated and genuinely insisted that my bride and I get to remove ourselves, if but for a couple of days, from all of the drama and stresses brewing around these parts. Witnessing what my dearest significant other was going through and experiencing, broke my heart. My Wife, always so strong and certain, was moved, to see her go through the stresses and emotional strain with her sudden release from a job she was totally dedicated to, and so very loyal, hurt. Us both.
It was important for me to get her and I out of this Tampa Bay area and see and be with some Kinfolk, be with a different peoples, and awesome little towns and villages. My Sis, East-Face-From-West-Tampa, co piloted with the Great One, and guided us up to my brides dad's place of birth, her biological dad that is. A Southern Man, born in Ray City, Georgia. I have visited his burial grounds in Davie, Florida, many times. Now I am able to say that I have visited his place of birth, and for some reason, I feel quite well about this. I wonder if his youthful spirit's were there with us, to help, and try to get us to forget a few things for a few minutes. Mr. Sapp, I felt your presence and am pleased to meet you. Thank you for your daughter's hand in marriage.
There we were, just one Saturday ago, a wee bit West of Valdosta, Georgia. Out there near that major maxim security prison, where I know a mighty fine good man who works there. "Hogan's Hero's", couldn't bust out of this address. Hell Nope. My eldest sister Ana Maria Carmen Louisa, my Botswana, and I were so happy to be there celebrating my baby sister's surprise birthday party for herself. Right there in the woods, with the cows, dozens of geese, and some right down awesome vittles. We joined with in-laws who feel so much more like our family than in-law's. I love them all to deaf. My sis Face, will turn fifty only once up down South, so we had to go. Just get gone and going. I am so happy that we did and I know my baby is too.
Sunday, the 16th, while in preparation for our return home, we hung out at Face's house a spell. My Sis and I drove about and all over Valdosta and couldn't find one danged Post Card. In the mean time, my sister Ana Maria Carmen and my wife, Botswana, had one of our tire's burst. There was a screw in the front right tire filled with that fancy chemical gas that I can't recall, but yes, we had a flat occur while out on a brief time away from our dramas and stress. I really have thought many times, my God, what if that had blown while we were on the interstate. No doubt, it would have been catastrophic. Botswana, drives like a James Bond girl. Thanks to the right kind gentlemen at the Super Wal-Mart, we were able to eliminate a high stress factor for just under twenty U.S. dollar. Thank you Great Spirit.
Blessed.
Thursday, June 20, 2013
Ten Days of Life Lesson's; A Lesion On My Spinal Cord and My Wife Released From Employment
Relation's, 20 June 2013
Ten days of life has passed me by with such expediency, that my heart wants me to believe that it has been but a few over ten minutes of my life gone by and away. I have a need to apologize, but I am uncertain as to whether one is truly necessary, so then, I will state that I miss being here with you, my guest, and I feel such an ache in my heart from this withdrawal from so many who are involved with and in my day to day life. So, please, understand I do wish to share I am okay being here tip-tapping today and sharing this communique, which is my first post in ten days.
There is much to share and I really don't know where to start. Or where to begin to share what has been the scattering's about my path. So please, let me kick back, slip off these flop-flips from my feet and chat a spell. Seems to me as if it has been so too long and so much longer than ten days would indicate, and I consider that I should back this introduction to ten days ago, when and where a lot of what brought me to this point tonight started, so please, if you have a few minutes to kick back with me, I would love to share what I know has been some life altering moments that have changed me and my mind. These moments that have crossed my path and I have experienced over these ten days.
On 10 June 2013, I had an appointment with my newest team mate over at my Internists Clinic. It was at this appointment that a report's from x-ray's and an MRI I had done in late May were shared. The x-rays of my knees indicated that I have what a lot of folks have with the arthritis.
The MRI of I my lumbar spine reflected the back bones of a man who has worked hard all of his life. You know, the usual suspects, such as the likes of moderate to severe disc space narrowing, disc impinging (WTF), and the what-not's. This same MRI also picked up something else while taking images of my back side and spine. At the level of T12, just at the level of L1, there is a lesion attached to the very tip of my spinal cord. There's a whole bunch of medical terminology's and medical words I don't want to type just yet. The new doctor on my team, ordered more MRI's, so I had those done on Thursday, 13 June 13. I await further word from the clinic. Yes, I phoned.
On Tuesday of last week, the 11th day of June, my wife was released from her place of employ.
Wow. No, not so sunny here in Saint Petersburg or Tampa, Florida. I reckon this life happens when you least expect it. And by the way, a baseball team does not release a Yogi or Reggie, or Hank, or Bobby for having an error called against them. Teams who also choose to hand out slips to minorities and folks based on race are doomed in today's ever changing society. Sounds like it is time for a new coach and manager, not new team mates. Anyways, bless their hearts.
All of this sounds so damned ugly. Don't it?
My guests, I am a person who has been blessed to have lived, experienced, survived, and be alive to tell it. Kindred, I speak about a brethren who were not as fortunate - a people's who have been such a dear and loving part of my family, friends, and community. You see, I have known more people who have died of AIDS than I can remember, and I really am so sorry for this word association, but there is a lesion that has attached itself to my spine. It is invisible to me - I can not see this lesion, yet in my memory of the faces of my brother's with the lesion's I saw on their face, legs and skin, my thoughts know and remember what a lesion looks like. My God, my heart skipped a beat. To the many who live with lesions forgive me my ignorance.
Something I forgot to mention earlier was that some laboratories I had done in May, reflected that my sugar doubled in a matter of three or four months. No, I didn't have a sugar teet in my mouth for freaking months, but something occurred to have had such a substantial affect on my blood. For now this is a mystery to me, this new team mate informs me that this could have been caused by an infection I had on the left side of my scalp back in May. I suspect not having much patience for speculation on the behalf of this new mate. Neither on these labs and the lesion on the spinal cord, and really, I just don't want to listen to her impatient buffalo shit. This new team mate has let me down, she did not return my phone call earlier and this is the place where I, a patient asks, "Why hasn't somebody called me with the latest news?" type of thing.
A call will be made in the morrow. I promise.
There is more to chat and share about these past ten days. For now, I am exhausted and really do wish to retire for the evening. I shall return to speak of an electrifying experience I had while visiting with Kinfolk in Valdosta, Georgia.
Love, peace and more peace,
me
P.S. I'll be transferring all spine related issues to my Neurologist at Tampa General.
Ten days of life has passed me by with such expediency, that my heart wants me to believe that it has been but a few over ten minutes of my life gone by and away. I have a need to apologize, but I am uncertain as to whether one is truly necessary, so then, I will state that I miss being here with you, my guest, and I feel such an ache in my heart from this withdrawal from so many who are involved with and in my day to day life. So, please, understand I do wish to share I am okay being here tip-tapping today and sharing this communique, which is my first post in ten days.
There is much to share and I really don't know where to start. Or where to begin to share what has been the scattering's about my path. So please, let me kick back, slip off these flop-flips from my feet and chat a spell. Seems to me as if it has been so too long and so much longer than ten days would indicate, and I consider that I should back this introduction to ten days ago, when and where a lot of what brought me to this point tonight started, so please, if you have a few minutes to kick back with me, I would love to share what I know has been some life altering moments that have changed me and my mind. These moments that have crossed my path and I have experienced over these ten days.
On 10 June 2013, I had an appointment with my newest team mate over at my Internists Clinic. It was at this appointment that a report's from x-ray's and an MRI I had done in late May were shared. The x-rays of my knees indicated that I have what a lot of folks have with the arthritis.
The MRI of I my lumbar spine reflected the back bones of a man who has worked hard all of his life. You know, the usual suspects, such as the likes of moderate to severe disc space narrowing, disc impinging (WTF), and the what-not's. This same MRI also picked up something else while taking images of my back side and spine. At the level of T12, just at the level of L1, there is a lesion attached to the very tip of my spinal cord. There's a whole bunch of medical terminology's and medical words I don't want to type just yet. The new doctor on my team, ordered more MRI's, so I had those done on Thursday, 13 June 13. I await further word from the clinic. Yes, I phoned.
On Tuesday of last week, the 11th day of June, my wife was released from her place of employ.
Wow. No, not so sunny here in Saint Petersburg or Tampa, Florida. I reckon this life happens when you least expect it. And by the way, a baseball team does not release a Yogi or Reggie, or Hank, or Bobby for having an error called against them. Teams who also choose to hand out slips to minorities and folks based on race are doomed in today's ever changing society. Sounds like it is time for a new coach and manager, not new team mates. Anyways, bless their hearts.
All of this sounds so damned ugly. Don't it?
My guests, I am a person who has been blessed to have lived, experienced, survived, and be alive to tell it. Kindred, I speak about a brethren who were not as fortunate - a people's who have been such a dear and loving part of my family, friends, and community. You see, I have known more people who have died of AIDS than I can remember, and I really am so sorry for this word association, but there is a lesion that has attached itself to my spine. It is invisible to me - I can not see this lesion, yet in my memory of the faces of my brother's with the lesion's I saw on their face, legs and skin, my thoughts know and remember what a lesion looks like. My God, my heart skipped a beat. To the many who live with lesions forgive me my ignorance.
Something I forgot to mention earlier was that some laboratories I had done in May, reflected that my sugar doubled in a matter of three or four months. No, I didn't have a sugar teet in my mouth for freaking months, but something occurred to have had such a substantial affect on my blood. For now this is a mystery to me, this new team mate informs me that this could have been caused by an infection I had on the left side of my scalp back in May. I suspect not having much patience for speculation on the behalf of this new mate. Neither on these labs and the lesion on the spinal cord, and really, I just don't want to listen to her impatient buffalo shit. This new team mate has let me down, she did not return my phone call earlier and this is the place where I, a patient asks, "Why hasn't somebody called me with the latest news?" type of thing.
A call will be made in the morrow. I promise.
There is more to chat and share about these past ten days. For now, I am exhausted and really do wish to retire for the evening. I shall return to speak of an electrifying experience I had while visiting with Kinfolk in Valdosta, Georgia.
Love, peace and more peace,
me
P.S. I'll be transferring all spine related issues to my Neurologist at Tampa General.
Monday, June 10, 2013
Does Botox Help Meniere's?
Relations,
Good afternoon,
This is a question that was recently asked of me;
"Does Botox Help Meniere's?"
Before I answer the question, please let me point out that I am but a patient and a person who lives with Meniere's Disease. I am not a doctor, or nurse, or any other medical professional. Neither am I affiliated with any business for, or pertaining to any of the medication's I ingest. I speak solely from experience and answer this question in my words, as if I speak them. Truthfully.
The answer to the question then, I say and report is;
"No, Botox, does not help Meniere's Disease". Not this manifestation of the disease Meniere's that lives and dwells within my thick skull and skin. Anyways.
I am sorry that the reply was not yes. My good-goodness, I had never thought or heard of Botox being used to aid in the fight against Meniere's Disease, and for some reason, I wonder. Curious.
To the readers who asked, thank you.
Love, peace, and more peace,
Mario
Good afternoon,
This is a question that was recently asked of me;
"Does Botox Help Meniere's?"
Before I answer the question, please let me point out that I am but a patient and a person who lives with Meniere's Disease. I am not a doctor, or nurse, or any other medical professional. Neither am I affiliated with any business for, or pertaining to any of the medication's I ingest. I speak solely from experience and answer this question in my words, as if I speak them. Truthfully.
The answer to the question then, I say and report is;
"No, Botox, does not help Meniere's Disease". Not this manifestation of the disease Meniere's that lives and dwells within my thick skull and skin. Anyways.
I am sorry that the reply was not yes. My good-goodness, I had never thought or heard of Botox being used to aid in the fight against Meniere's Disease, and for some reason, I wonder. Curious.
To the readers who asked, thank you.
Love, peace, and more peace,
Mario
Friday, June 7, 2013
Pertinent Information About Future Plans, Wishing That A Disease Embedded Would Evacuate
Relations,
What I am about to share is pertinent to what my plans have been over the past couple of years. I am not the type of team mate to bail on his mates, neither am I the mate who will play or hamper a teams direction. For me it has always been, "always", been the team is paramount. I have often sacrificed self for my teams and honestly, would like to think that some of my peers, partner's, and customers would agree with that comment.
Reality slapped me today, and I mean to say slapped me square in my face with an opened hand. Just minutes ago, and still fresh, this disgusting moment of utter truth and reality, let me see into my not too distant future. This event was so stark and so full of clarity that I was able to see clearly and was able to see myself in the present and now. I mean, as in now. Today.
Over these recent few years I have had to consider how I have lived and how important for me it is to be responsible with my own work ethics. I would pass along what I have learned as a leader to the many wonderful and awesome Men and Women, I have worked with. Every team reflecting the diversity that was of high import for me and my way of life. And I worked hard, real hard. As an individual, I knew I was to be a servant and a leader, of and for the people in my Life's Circle and community. It has been my life style, you see, my life, to work. And work hard.
These words I am about to talk, do not denote a retreat from life or from all of what my Team's and I have been attending to. We as a Team have worked hard together, we have been focused and attentive. This is where my motivations, my yearnings and criteria have been established. Our focus as a Team created much hope. Now, I hope you understand that I need to be more focused on this skin I live in. At this instant, I am dizzy. I have vomited four times since last night and the nausea is at my Adam's apple. I am sweating in an air conditioned residence and have decided a shirt not necessary. The sounds and noises from both ears are horrendous. So damned loud and distracting. I've had the spiders scurrying through the space between my scalp and skull and an occasional worm will wiggle. There have been three facial spams today and several deep inner ear spams that stop my world. Both of my physician's have been called, and I am contemplating calling my Internist. I am suffering. I mean to say, a suffering so bad and the pain is harsh, that I ate a medicine for this torturous pain in my neck, shoulder and arm. A tablet ordered for a different part of my body. These words denote anguish.
This life event, this slap by reality, was so hurtful and deep, that I I knew it required an immediate professional connection, so I called my therapist, Sir. Dude. I look at the mirror and I see the reality of what Meniere's Disease IS and DOES, what Meniere's has DONE and is DOING to me. I know harshly that what is going on in my cervical spine will sometime soon be a different part of my body to be sliced and diced. My body's cervical spine, my neck, the place where my spinal cord lives, all requires attention that is much more complicated than the dozens of Botox injections, the nerve blocks and a muscle relaxant pill can handle.
When my life has gotten to the point that I am thrilled to a euphoric giddiness over a couple of good and "strong days", as I call them, then this point needs to be addressed. Human to human.
Understand me and please don't judge.
To my Team Mates, who have worked side-by-side with a prep for employment, I do not want to say I'm sorry, but ask, that you please forgive me. We have worked well together and God knows, I have tried. Working on matter's of my Better Health, Mind, Body, and Spirit, is and has always been something I take seriously and with passion. This is a life energy that I hold dear and near to my Center. This life energy, has provided me insight and understanding. I see and have seen what and where I am in life with my health and where I am headed. My Health, must come first.
Please, my guest, imagine this: I am employed at Florida Historical Museum. My name is on the schedule to work. On days like today, I must call and am asking myself how am I to work in this constant state of dizziness? This damned vomiting and I can't hold a conversation without tripping on my words because of the nausea. Speaking of tripping, what about the many times that I have tripped and have fallen. The many times that I have yet to trip and fall. My hearing is off, no really, the right ear is getting worse with the hearing. Or, I call to report that I have had a Meniere's Attack, and I am unable to work until days and days have past until I can report for work when I have a day or two of good and strong day's. Or, I am at work at the museum and I suddenly have projectile vomit and spew all over a customer or a ten thousand dollar piece of antiquity. These words don't come so easily, but I would be setting myself up for failure. I know this. I would get hired to get fired for poor attendance. Or, I'm asked to stop working because I am a liability. Or, I fall again, and hurt myself again, like at Starbucks, while I was at work trying to work while disabled. So, I know and understand by experience what this looks like. I tried and attempted to return to work with my last employer three different times before it was deemed best that I just not work anymore.
My life and this, my path, have brought me to this place where I must take care of myself. To a place where I am permitted to feel sure and safe to know that my withdrawal from the pursuit's of employment at this time, is a decision that simply is the right and best decision to make. There is a flame within my body that shares and tells me that it is just not right to continue with these scattering's of fear and uncertainty. This Meniere's, the imbalance, dizziness, nausea, the deafness, the all of what is Meniere's, for now has the upper hand. For now. I swear, I just don't want to waste anymore of any body's time. My time, is in the present. I know what I say and I accept my disabilities and the urgency of focus on health, mind, body and Spirit. I ask that you too accept my decision. Please.
These elevator rides of Meniere's Disease and it's symptoms, are a constant and with ambush - random attacks, I am unable to trust this disease with my own mind and body. Now, with my cervical spine becoming such an issue, I must be honest with myself and say enough is enough for now. For now, there is just so much going on with my health. So please, no more meetings. No more getting my hopes so high and way up - just to be smashed a day or two later by a fucking disease that I can not control. That my doctor's can't control.
So for now, I admit I am afraid of failure, time and time again. Please, no more wishing and hoping and wishing that a disease embedded would evacuate.
So, for now, no more. Please.
Time out.
What I am about to share is pertinent to what my plans have been over the past couple of years. I am not the type of team mate to bail on his mates, neither am I the mate who will play or hamper a teams direction. For me it has always been, "always", been the team is paramount. I have often sacrificed self for my teams and honestly, would like to think that some of my peers, partner's, and customers would agree with that comment.
Reality slapped me today, and I mean to say slapped me square in my face with an opened hand. Just minutes ago, and still fresh, this disgusting moment of utter truth and reality, let me see into my not too distant future. This event was so stark and so full of clarity that I was able to see clearly and was able to see myself in the present and now. I mean, as in now. Today.
Over these recent few years I have had to consider how I have lived and how important for me it is to be responsible with my own work ethics. I would pass along what I have learned as a leader to the many wonderful and awesome Men and Women, I have worked with. Every team reflecting the diversity that was of high import for me and my way of life. And I worked hard, real hard. As an individual, I knew I was to be a servant and a leader, of and for the people in my Life's Circle and community. It has been my life style, you see, my life, to work. And work hard.
These words I am about to talk, do not denote a retreat from life or from all of what my Team's and I have been attending to. We as a Team have worked hard together, we have been focused and attentive. This is where my motivations, my yearnings and criteria have been established. Our focus as a Team created much hope. Now, I hope you understand that I need to be more focused on this skin I live in. At this instant, I am dizzy. I have vomited four times since last night and the nausea is at my Adam's apple. I am sweating in an air conditioned residence and have decided a shirt not necessary. The sounds and noises from both ears are horrendous. So damned loud and distracting. I've had the spiders scurrying through the space between my scalp and skull and an occasional worm will wiggle. There have been three facial spams today and several deep inner ear spams that stop my world. Both of my physician's have been called, and I am contemplating calling my Internist. I am suffering. I mean to say, a suffering so bad and the pain is harsh, that I ate a medicine for this torturous pain in my neck, shoulder and arm. A tablet ordered for a different part of my body. These words denote anguish.
This life event, this slap by reality, was so hurtful and deep, that I I knew it required an immediate professional connection, so I called my therapist, Sir. Dude. I look at the mirror and I see the reality of what Meniere's Disease IS and DOES, what Meniere's has DONE and is DOING to me. I know harshly that what is going on in my cervical spine will sometime soon be a different part of my body to be sliced and diced. My body's cervical spine, my neck, the place where my spinal cord lives, all requires attention that is much more complicated than the dozens of Botox injections, the nerve blocks and a muscle relaxant pill can handle.
When my life has gotten to the point that I am thrilled to a euphoric giddiness over a couple of good and "strong days", as I call them, then this point needs to be addressed. Human to human.
Understand me and please don't judge.
To my Team Mates, who have worked side-by-side with a prep for employment, I do not want to say I'm sorry, but ask, that you please forgive me. We have worked well together and God knows, I have tried. Working on matter's of my Better Health, Mind, Body, and Spirit, is and has always been something I take seriously and with passion. This is a life energy that I hold dear and near to my Center. This life energy, has provided me insight and understanding. I see and have seen what and where I am in life with my health and where I am headed. My Health, must come first.
Please, my guest, imagine this: I am employed at Florida Historical Museum. My name is on the schedule to work. On days like today, I must call and am asking myself how am I to work in this constant state of dizziness? This damned vomiting and I can't hold a conversation without tripping on my words because of the nausea. Speaking of tripping, what about the many times that I have tripped and have fallen. The many times that I have yet to trip and fall. My hearing is off, no really, the right ear is getting worse with the hearing. Or, I call to report that I have had a Meniere's Attack, and I am unable to work until days and days have past until I can report for work when I have a day or two of good and strong day's. Or, I am at work at the museum and I suddenly have projectile vomit and spew all over a customer or a ten thousand dollar piece of antiquity. These words don't come so easily, but I would be setting myself up for failure. I know this. I would get hired to get fired for poor attendance. Or, I'm asked to stop working because I am a liability. Or, I fall again, and hurt myself again, like at Starbucks, while I was at work trying to work while disabled. So, I know and understand by experience what this looks like. I tried and attempted to return to work with my last employer three different times before it was deemed best that I just not work anymore.
My life and this, my path, have brought me to this place where I must take care of myself. To a place where I am permitted to feel sure and safe to know that my withdrawal from the pursuit's of employment at this time, is a decision that simply is the right and best decision to make. There is a flame within my body that shares and tells me that it is just not right to continue with these scattering's of fear and uncertainty. This Meniere's, the imbalance, dizziness, nausea, the deafness, the all of what is Meniere's, for now has the upper hand. For now. I swear, I just don't want to waste anymore of any body's time. My time, is in the present. I know what I say and I accept my disabilities and the urgency of focus on health, mind, body and Spirit. I ask that you too accept my decision. Please.
These elevator rides of Meniere's Disease and it's symptoms, are a constant and with ambush - random attacks, I am unable to trust this disease with my own mind and body. Now, with my cervical spine becoming such an issue, I must be honest with myself and say enough is enough for now. For now, there is just so much going on with my health. So please, no more meetings. No more getting my hopes so high and way up - just to be smashed a day or two later by a fucking disease that I can not control. That my doctor's can't control.
So for now, I admit I am afraid of failure, time and time again. Please, no more wishing and hoping and wishing that a disease embedded would evacuate.
So, for now, no more. Please.
Time out.
Thursday, June 6, 2013
Hearing Loss Education
Kindred,
www.HearingLossEducation.com is a web address I share with my guests, with hopes of assisting Kindred who may be experiencing hearing loss. This is place here for folks to be able to find a place to visit and learn about what is going on in their skull and ears.
Or for that matter, inside the skull and ears of a loved one.
Support for one with loss of hearing is urgent and important, and I do stress important.
Two example's of what one will find are these topics, "Nerve Deafness", and "Diabetes and Hearing Loss". This link will also provide the reader an idea of providers in your area who may be in the position to offer medical care and advice.
I share this with the sole intent of spreading an educational link.
Can you hear me now?
Mario
www.HearingLossEducation.com is a web address I share with my guests, with hopes of assisting Kindred who may be experiencing hearing loss. This is place here for folks to be able to find a place to visit and learn about what is going on in their skull and ears.
Or for that matter, inside the skull and ears of a loved one.
Support for one with loss of hearing is urgent and important, and I do stress important.
Two example's of what one will find are these topics, "Nerve Deafness", and "Diabetes and Hearing Loss". This link will also provide the reader an idea of providers in your area who may be in the position to offer medical care and advice.
I share this with the sole intent of spreading an educational link.
Can you hear me now?
Mario
A Tropical Storm Andrea Update, Dearest Nikki
Dearest Nikki and Guests,
Hi ya Babe! Ki Fack?
Ha Bebe, I sure hope all is well over there across the pond, in that mysterious land far and further away. Insha Allah. I pray. We all miss you sorely surely, and are so very eager for your summer time break, holiday's, and vacation here at home. The 'we', are your Ma and I, your baby sister, who so needs some quality time with big sis, Da Pound, our hounds, Ting Ting, Miss. Chi Chi Rodriguez, and Hershey - that Chewbaka looking critter of yours. Your Nani and Papa, Tia's, Tio and all of your mighty loving cousins, but, my dearest Honorable Daughter Number One, it is true that it is I who miss you the most. Yes, I believe it to be me who miss you the mostest. Dearest Nikki, do please pass along my love and respect to the gentleman. Shukram.
I share with you, daughter how it this Tropical Storm Andrea, has and is affecting us. So too tropical and troublesome, just like your Southern born and bred, Pa. I also wanted to share with my guests and reader's, what is going on out of doors here on the West Coast of Florida. There is very, very much rain. The back forty is a swamp, the front lawn is a pond with the lightening, thunder and hostile winds. It still amazes me the going's on and it's so crazy how far a tree will bend, sway and crack, but not bust down. I see many branches up and along the street and lawns. Our neighbour, Tomas's son has damage to his car from a flying branch.
Our pool has morphed into an infinity pool. Oh yes, I am able to see what it is an infinity pool looks like. It's scary to my eyes as the water has waves and it' own tide, spilling over into the North East park. The pool is not supposed to go above the blue diamond shaped tile, them one's that are just a few inches from the top of the cement pond. I'll be out there in a minute or few. I have no choice but to remove some of this awesome water from our new infinity pool.
Be well daughter. Know that my love and respect is never ending. Love, Pa
Hi ya Babe! Ki Fack?
Ha Bebe, I sure hope all is well over there across the pond, in that mysterious land far and further away. Insha Allah. I pray. We all miss you sorely surely, and are so very eager for your summer time break, holiday's, and vacation here at home. The 'we', are your Ma and I, your baby sister, who so needs some quality time with big sis, Da Pound, our hounds, Ting Ting, Miss. Chi Chi Rodriguez, and Hershey - that Chewbaka looking critter of yours. Your Nani and Papa, Tia's, Tio and all of your mighty loving cousins, but, my dearest Honorable Daughter Number One, it is true that it is I who miss you the most. Yes, I believe it to be me who miss you the mostest. Dearest Nikki, do please pass along my love and respect to the gentleman. Shukram.
I share with you, daughter how it this Tropical Storm Andrea, has and is affecting us. So too tropical and troublesome, just like your Southern born and bred, Pa. I also wanted to share with my guests and reader's, what is going on out of doors here on the West Coast of Florida. There is very, very much rain. The back forty is a swamp, the front lawn is a pond with the lightening, thunder and hostile winds. It still amazes me the going's on and it's so crazy how far a tree will bend, sway and crack, but not bust down. I see many branches up and along the street and lawns. Our neighbour, Tomas's son has damage to his car from a flying branch.
Our pool has morphed into an infinity pool. Oh yes, I am able to see what it is an infinity pool looks like. It's scary to my eyes as the water has waves and it' own tide, spilling over into the North East park. The pool is not supposed to go above the blue diamond shaped tile, them one's that are just a few inches from the top of the cement pond. I'll be out there in a minute or few. I have no choice but to remove some of this awesome water from our new infinity pool.
Be well daughter. Know that my love and respect is never ending. Love, Pa
Wednesday, June 5, 2013
A Case Of Medicinal Disappointment
Kindred,
It is this side of twenty four hours plus four since I had the Botox injections. The Botox that are and is rendered medically necessary. At this instant though, I hate to report that this entire series of Botox injections, shot into me just yesterday, have been a complete disappointment. During the last late night, in the wee hours, and since waking, I have had a so much discomfort and the dreaded pain continues in my left neck and shoulder.
Yesterday, while at Tampa General Hospital, as if lightening striking near by (and it was, too), right there in triage, I had facial spasm's. Which then triggered ear hole spasm's, and all of this created a spike and struck at my blood pressure. It went up so alarmingly high the triage nurse reported my BP to Dr. She-With-Many-Names. Who then in turn, inquired about the spike. What was I too say? I was fine as strawberry wine before the damned facial spasm's. It isn't like I control these son-of-a-bitches, my goodness gracious, great ball's on fire, today alone, I am knowing that I have had five spasm's. Five facial spasm's. On the left side of my face and scalp. What is this shit? What's really going on? I have asked myself. Over, and again.
Just yesterday, my very own face, followed by my scalp, neck, and shoulder, on the left side that is, my Military Left, were subjected to many injections. Multiple shots. Oh yes, these deep inner ear hole spasm's come from both of my ears and are awfuck. I was there at the Rehab Center at TGH, and never once objected to shot after shot of this Botox. Three syringes full, injection's of this fine fluid, the contents called, "OnabotulinumtoxinA, BOTOX for injection".
I swear, it is as if these very medicine's, the very damned each and every pill, tablet, and injection, betray me. I swear, is it really that my ears have betrayed me? Now, with loss of sight and vision, my right eye fading and the hearing on the right side at a major task, I question myself. Now, I do. I do now, and I seriously consider this a case of medicinal disappointment.
Like, so major.
It is this side of twenty four hours plus four since I had the Botox injections. The Botox that are and is rendered medically necessary. At this instant though, I hate to report that this entire series of Botox injections, shot into me just yesterday, have been a complete disappointment. During the last late night, in the wee hours, and since waking, I have had a so much discomfort and the dreaded pain continues in my left neck and shoulder.
Yesterday, while at Tampa General Hospital, as if lightening striking near by (and it was, too), right there in triage, I had facial spasm's. Which then triggered ear hole spasm's, and all of this created a spike and struck at my blood pressure. It went up so alarmingly high the triage nurse reported my BP to Dr. She-With-Many-Names. Who then in turn, inquired about the spike. What was I too say? I was fine as strawberry wine before the damned facial spasm's. It isn't like I control these son-of-a-bitches, my goodness gracious, great ball's on fire, today alone, I am knowing that I have had five spasm's. Five facial spasm's. On the left side of my face and scalp. What is this shit? What's really going on? I have asked myself. Over, and again.
Just yesterday, my very own face, followed by my scalp, neck, and shoulder, on the left side that is, my Military Left, were subjected to many injections. Multiple shots. Oh yes, these deep inner ear hole spasm's come from both of my ears and are awfuck. I was there at the Rehab Center at TGH, and never once objected to shot after shot of this Botox. Three syringes full, injection's of this fine fluid, the contents called, "OnabotulinumtoxinA, BOTOX for injection".
I swear, it is as if these very medicine's, the very damned each and every pill, tablet, and injection, betray me. I swear, is it really that my ears have betrayed me? Now, with loss of sight and vision, my right eye fading and the hearing on the right side at a major task, I question myself. Now, I do. I do now, and I seriously consider this a case of medicinal disappointment.
Like, so major.
Tuesday, June 4, 2013
God Bless Syria! God Bless Turkey! God Bless Oklahoma!
Great Spirit,
I send out prayers to my Brother's and to my Sister's in lands far and far away.
I ask you, My Dear God, to bless my Brother's and Sister's who live here, in the U.S.A.
Please, my Great God, bring relief, justice, and peace, to these home lands that have suffered destruction, blood shed and death.
Bless them with grace and hope.
God Bless Syria! God Bless Turkey! God Bless Oklahoma!
God Bless America! God Bless us all, each and every one.
I Am, I am your Son.
Big Bear
I send out prayers to my Brother's and to my Sister's in lands far and far away.
I ask you, My Dear God, to bless my Brother's and Sister's who live here, in the U.S.A.
Please, my Great God, bring relief, justice, and peace, to these home lands that have suffered destruction, blood shed and death.
Bless them with grace and hope.
God Bless Syria! God Bless Turkey! God Bless Oklahoma!
God Bless America! God Bless us all, each and every one.
I Am, I am your Son.
Big Bear
Waiting For The Lil' Blue Bus
Hello,
I am sitting hear in total silence, as if I think I could hear, here where I sit, waiting for my Lil' Blue Short Bus swing by and pick me up for my trip Down Town, to the Rehabilitation Center at Tampa General Hospital. I sit here, as if with baited breathe, unable to explain why I am having such a difficult time breathing.
It is probably my nerves and the nausea.
Nerves, because I am a bit more anxious today than yesterday, and now that I am a few hours shy of injections, I begin to feel a wee bit like that. The nervous nerves have been with me since I awoke at 0655 this morning, up with the hounds in these parts.
The nausea also up with me since awakening. Meniere's related rubbish and the sorts. My quad cane will come in handy this morning.
As you may have read, I will be having another round of Botox Shots this after noon. A Round of a dozen plus injections to the face, skull, and neck.
Figure, I better get up front and wait by the storm door like a good feller. I so look forward to getting out to my appointments...
...I so hate it when the bus runs behind. Like today.
Oh well, what can you do when you live in a shoe? Boo?
You all have a splendid day!
I am sitting hear in total silence, as if I think I could hear, here where I sit, waiting for my Lil' Blue Short Bus swing by and pick me up for my trip Down Town, to the Rehabilitation Center at Tampa General Hospital. I sit here, as if with baited breathe, unable to explain why I am having such a difficult time breathing.
It is probably my nerves and the nausea.
Nerves, because I am a bit more anxious today than yesterday, and now that I am a few hours shy of injections, I begin to feel a wee bit like that. The nervous nerves have been with me since I awoke at 0655 this morning, up with the hounds in these parts.
The nausea also up with me since awakening. Meniere's related rubbish and the sorts. My quad cane will come in handy this morning.
As you may have read, I will be having another round of Botox Shots this after noon. A Round of a dozen plus injections to the face, skull, and neck.
Figure, I better get up front and wait by the storm door like a good feller. I so look forward to getting out to my appointments...
...I so hate it when the bus runs behind. Like today.
Oh well, what can you do when you live in a shoe? Boo?
You all have a splendid day!
Monday, June 3, 2013
The Botox Shots
Hello.
Tomorrow brings another round of Botox Shots.
I am neither excited nor in trouble.
Well, alright then, maybe both.
This is Round Two. Yes, it's true.
I knew, it was coming soon.
Believe me when I share this place
my dear reader's, where I do see and feel,
each and every needle at my scalp and face.
With each and every very one, I feel ...
The Botox Shots.
True, with these, I will not waste,
as with each and every injection plunged,
is one less pill I have to taste.
I will not decline,
I will not say no -
if anything, please,
just shoot me mo'.
Tomorrow brings another round of Botox Shots.
Yes true, with these, I will not waste,
as with each and every injection plunged,
is one less pill I have to taste.
I will not decline,
I will not say no -
if anything, please,
just shoot me mo'.
The Botox Shots.
Tomorrow brings another round of Botox Shots.
I am neither excited nor in trouble.
Well, alright then, maybe both.
This is Round Two. Yes, it's true.
I knew, it was coming soon.
Believe me when I share this place
my dear reader's, where I do see and feel,
each and every needle at my scalp and face.
With each and every very one, I feel ...
The Botox Shots.
True, with these, I will not waste,
as with each and every injection plunged,
is one less pill I have to taste.
I will not decline,
I will not say no -
if anything, please,
just shoot me mo'.
Tomorrow brings another round of Botox Shots.
Yes true, with these, I will not waste,
as with each and every injection plunged,
is one less pill I have to taste.
I will not decline,
I will not say no -
if anything, please,
just shoot me mo'.
The Botox Shots.
I Forgot
Folks,
Minutes ago, while sitting here and listening to my ipod, I became dissatisfied by the volume and sound quality of what I was listening to, which just happens to be, "Lindsey Buckingham - Words And Music ( A Retrospective)", an awesome one of a kind find and I love him too...
...but yes, I was adjusting the volume, moved both speakers about trying to find space, a spot where I could listen as Mr. Buckingham, spoke and sang to me. Kindred, I promise I would so have had him over for tea and sandwich's. Nice little finger foods and biscuits and such, but like, I could not figure out what was going on with the audio and was getting frustrated, maybe more like side-ways, true, as I checked "all" volume controls and all were at a maximum and the speakers are fine...
...and then, I remembered. I forgot. And I forgot to remember to not forget, but did.
Even if but for a brief moment in my life, I forgot that I was Deaf and I forgot to remember that my right-good-bad-ear-hole-to-the-brain has been sub par, lack luster, inattentive...
...for just a spell, I forgot I was thinking and listening to thoughts of not too long ago, I did forget that the problem was with me and my ears, not the computer, or the controls, nor the speaker's or where they were pointed.
Wow.
Damn it, that "I Forgot" shit is for the birds! Brings up all of this damned drama, almost did make me blue, but then I remembered, "ain't no body got time for that". But, how to forget?
Just, me.
Minutes ago, while sitting here and listening to my ipod, I became dissatisfied by the volume and sound quality of what I was listening to, which just happens to be, "Lindsey Buckingham - Words And Music ( A Retrospective)", an awesome one of a kind find and I love him too...
...but yes, I was adjusting the volume, moved both speakers about trying to find space, a spot where I could listen as Mr. Buckingham, spoke and sang to me. Kindred, I promise I would so have had him over for tea and sandwich's. Nice little finger foods and biscuits and such, but like, I could not figure out what was going on with the audio and was getting frustrated, maybe more like side-ways, true, as I checked "all" volume controls and all were at a maximum and the speakers are fine...
...and then, I remembered. I forgot. And I forgot to remember to not forget, but did.
Even if but for a brief moment in my life, I forgot that I was Deaf and I forgot to remember that my right-good-bad-ear-hole-to-the-brain has been sub par, lack luster, inattentive...
...for just a spell, I forgot I was thinking and listening to thoughts of not too long ago, I did forget that the problem was with me and my ears, not the computer, or the controls, nor the speaker's or where they were pointed.
Wow.
Damn it, that "I Forgot" shit is for the birds! Brings up all of this damned drama, almost did make me blue, but then I remembered, "ain't no body got time for that". But, how to forget?
Just, me.
"The Switch Hitter"
Relation's,
"The switch hitters are always at a premium in baseball."
My team mates and I learned this as boy's. I was a switch hitter for my coach and team while playing in the West Tampa Little League. I leaned more to the right, but Coach would have me switch it up every once and again, had my Goonie-Goo-Goo ass bunt every once and again too...
...but Kindred, there I was, this humongous mixed blooded boy, and no, that was not an exaggeration on my size as a youth. I was not obese, very tall and simply larger than the average kid at that age. When I went up to the plate, lefty or on the right side of the plate, my mates went wild and the other dug out often went quiet. Although, there were the occasional racial epitaph's tossed out, I seemed to thrive playing ball until incidents beyond my control became a factor in my baseball career. Oh, but Holy Crap,, I loved playing baseball so much I would sleep with my baseball mitt. Thinking back, I reckon I must've looked a bit ogreish compared to them little blond haired, blue eyed, white demon children. The white boy's freaked me out when they cursed and cussed out loud in front of or at their mom. Heaven to Betsy. At the plate, I was a swinger, lefty or over there on the right side of the plate. I would swing the bat the other boy's could not use, and swung away I did. Oh yeah, many strike outs, but, when I made contact, that bat "smacked", it didn't "tink", like them aluminum/tin can bats the white kids used. And Ma'am, that damned base ball traveled too. Distances. Sometimes it got ridiculous. There were also many a cracked bat and an occasional infield player from the other team struck by a fast moving projectile that is going to leave the marks of thread on an opponent's body. What a sound. And, no, the sounds of Baseball are something one never forgets. I never will.
I think I like the Switch Hitter, as a title for this communique. Truly I do. Right. Please, my Guest, let me try to make sense in my own skull and explain my theory; It was because of the abilities to switch hit, the skills and lessons learned on that baseball diamond, that switch hitting became the foundation on which everything I did in life would be based. My being a switch hitter in every thing I did as a child, are the reasons I survived my childhood. Coach, taught me then, what I would utilize as an adult, where I have had to put into place an immediate switch hit scenario in mind, then follow through. Since adolescence, I employed my switch hitting abilities and skills to school, other sports, hobbies and the places of employment and businesses that I held management positions with throughout the years. Many times over an MVP, these switch hitting skills helped make million's of dollars for a few companies I've spent some awesome good years with. I smile. And wish to say, "Thanks, Coach!"
"The switch hitters are always at a premium in every day businesses."
Look, I share as an adult, the over due embrace of these vibes and energies. These energies that still inhabit the spirit's deep within. I have had many hits and many misses in my 19,500 days here on my Earth Mother. If I missed, I swung again, if I miss, I swing again. And again. The energy I feel is Spiritual. The words I have shared are said in gladness and with hopes that this embrace remains intact for the reminder of my days. Damn it, to those numbers, not years, or decades, but days. Shit. Mahong.
Deep.
"The switch hitters are always at a premium in baseball."
My team mates and I learned this as boy's. I was a switch hitter for my coach and team while playing in the West Tampa Little League. I leaned more to the right, but Coach would have me switch it up every once and again, had my Goonie-Goo-Goo ass bunt every once and again too...
...but Kindred, there I was, this humongous mixed blooded boy, and no, that was not an exaggeration on my size as a youth. I was not obese, very tall and simply larger than the average kid at that age. When I went up to the plate, lefty or on the right side of the plate, my mates went wild and the other dug out often went quiet. Although, there were the occasional racial epitaph's tossed out, I seemed to thrive playing ball until incidents beyond my control became a factor in my baseball career. Oh, but Holy Crap,, I loved playing baseball so much I would sleep with my baseball mitt. Thinking back, I reckon I must've looked a bit ogreish compared to them little blond haired, blue eyed, white demon children. The white boy's freaked me out when they cursed and cussed out loud in front of or at their mom. Heaven to Betsy. At the plate, I was a swinger, lefty or over there on the right side of the plate. I would swing the bat the other boy's could not use, and swung away I did. Oh yeah, many strike outs, but, when I made contact, that bat "smacked", it didn't "tink", like them aluminum/tin can bats the white kids used. And Ma'am, that damned base ball traveled too. Distances. Sometimes it got ridiculous. There were also many a cracked bat and an occasional infield player from the other team struck by a fast moving projectile that is going to leave the marks of thread on an opponent's body. What a sound. And, no, the sounds of Baseball are something one never forgets. I never will.
I think I like the Switch Hitter, as a title for this communique. Truly I do. Right. Please, my Guest, let me try to make sense in my own skull and explain my theory; It was because of the abilities to switch hit, the skills and lessons learned on that baseball diamond, that switch hitting became the foundation on which everything I did in life would be based. My being a switch hitter in every thing I did as a child, are the reasons I survived my childhood. Coach, taught me then, what I would utilize as an adult, where I have had to put into place an immediate switch hit scenario in mind, then follow through. Since adolescence, I employed my switch hitting abilities and skills to school, other sports, hobbies and the places of employment and businesses that I held management positions with throughout the years. Many times over an MVP, these switch hitting skills helped make million's of dollars for a few companies I've spent some awesome good years with. I smile. And wish to say, "Thanks, Coach!"
"The switch hitters are always at a premium in every day businesses."
Look, I share as an adult, the over due embrace of these vibes and energies. These energies that still inhabit the spirit's deep within. I have had many hits and many misses in my 19,500 days here on my Earth Mother. If I missed, I swung again, if I miss, I swing again. And again. The energy I feel is Spiritual. The words I have shared are said in gladness and with hopes that this embrace remains intact for the reminder of my days. Damn it, to those numbers, not years, or decades, but days. Shit. Mahong.
Deep.
Saturday, June 1, 2013
A Cigarette?
I want to smoke a cigarette,
but I don't smoke.
I would surly choke
as if by a garrote, this puff
and smoke of a cigarette.
I have learned that for some
folks like me, who can sometimes
not breath, from all the Asthma, and
the bronchitis's and all of
those damned pneumonia's.
The smoke means death for me.
And, I would so rather
breathe than smoke
Once upon a time,
I had to make a decision.
Was I to continue smoking?
As I did since twelve, or did
I want to breath? Smoke or
breath? Breath or smoke?
I want to smoke a cigarette,
but I don't smoke.
I would surly choke
as if by garrote, a puff
and smoke of a cigarette.
I have been in the emergency
department, on bended knee,
knocking on Heaven's Door,
dieing and trying to breath.
To fight to take, my Dear God,
one more breathe, please.
Once upon a time,
I had to make a decision.
Was I to continue smoking?
As I did since twelve, or did
I want to breath? Smoke or
breath? Breath or smoke?
Live or die? Die or live?
Smoke or breath? Breath
or smoke. Cigars, cigarette's.
Cigarette's, cigars?
but I don't smoke.
I would surly choke
as if by a garrote, this puff
and smoke of a cigarette.
I have learned that for some
folks like me, who can sometimes
not breath, from all the Asthma, and
the bronchitis's and all of
those damned pneumonia's.
The smoke means death for me.
And, I would so rather
breathe than smoke
Once upon a time,
I had to make a decision.
Was I to continue smoking?
As I did since twelve, or did
I want to breath? Smoke or
breath? Breath or smoke?
I want to smoke a cigarette,
but I don't smoke.
I would surly choke
as if by garrote, a puff
and smoke of a cigarette.
I have been in the emergency
department, on bended knee,
knocking on Heaven's Door,
dieing and trying to breath.
To fight to take, my Dear God,
one more breathe, please.
Once upon a time,
I had to make a decision.
Was I to continue smoking?
As I did since twelve, or did
I want to breath? Smoke or
breath? Breath or smoke?
Live or die? Die or live?
Smoke or breath? Breath
or smoke. Cigars, cigarette's.
Cigarette's, cigars?
These Past Eight Or So Weeks
Relations,
These past eight or so weeks, have been more than just my usual walk as I walk my path in life and as I do attempt to keep calm and move along. These eight or so weeks have been enlightening and also an educational process from which there were and are many lessons for me to be taught and learned. For example, I say, the dozens of injections are tolerated well because, I feel and so see it is necessary to get me to that foreseeable next level. On this subject of injections, pills, tablets, and compounds, these past eight weeks have been high on the medicinal additions and I eat each pill as it is ordered by my doctor's. Daily, morning and night. Sadly, I do not see an end to the influx of injections and the self administration of medication's. I stretch my finger's to catch a hold of that rope to hold on to, even when I know there's more to come.
My Good God.
During these past eight weeks, I have been in crisis in some shape or another, and did dial the 211, on one occasion. Almost, as if seen out of focus, I put my combat boots on and did what I had to do for "my" State of Better Health, Mind, Body, and Spirit. I have seen in some and other's, a genuine support, an understanding, guidance, and in so many cases an awesome unconditional love established. While with few, I saw, felt, and had hold of an ill perception of...
...and no, I don't like having Folk's all up and into my face about my business, because I know what I have to do for my business. Being Me, being the business. That's not easy for me to say, my dear friend, though not so much more any way's, this past eight weeks of my life.
Any way's.
I ran myself like a crazed Wild Pony of The Plains, and ran myself hard, and tried hard to push myself to get better, to do more, to make each and every so many doctor appointments. And to have failed. What is that?! The sicknesses of Meniere's prevented me from being seen by He-Who-Touched-My-Brain, just yesterday. He, who is the Very Doctor to diagnose me with this disease, Meniere's. Oui? Oui.
And with so many Little Blue Bus schedule's to coordinate, for labs, MRI's and X Rays, my appointments at the TGH Compound and the Campus of The Memorial Hospital, amongst visits to counselor and therapist. Girl, please.
Busy is as busy does and damn it, these past eight or so weeks have slipped right on by.
These past eight or so weeks, have been more than just my usual walk as I walk my path in life and as I do attempt to keep calm and move along. These eight or so weeks have been enlightening and also an educational process from which there were and are many lessons for me to be taught and learned. For example, I say, the dozens of injections are tolerated well because, I feel and so see it is necessary to get me to that foreseeable next level. On this subject of injections, pills, tablets, and compounds, these past eight weeks have been high on the medicinal additions and I eat each pill as it is ordered by my doctor's. Daily, morning and night. Sadly, I do not see an end to the influx of injections and the self administration of medication's. I stretch my finger's to catch a hold of that rope to hold on to, even when I know there's more to come.
My Good God.
During these past eight weeks, I have been in crisis in some shape or another, and did dial the 211, on one occasion. Almost, as if seen out of focus, I put my combat boots on and did what I had to do for "my" State of Better Health, Mind, Body, and Spirit. I have seen in some and other's, a genuine support, an understanding, guidance, and in so many cases an awesome unconditional love established. While with few, I saw, felt, and had hold of an ill perception of...
...and no, I don't like having Folk's all up and into my face about my business, because I know what I have to do for my business. Being Me, being the business. That's not easy for me to say, my dear friend, though not so much more any way's, this past eight weeks of my life.
Any way's.
I ran myself like a crazed Wild Pony of The Plains, and ran myself hard, and tried hard to push myself to get better, to do more, to make each and every so many doctor appointments. And to have failed. What is that?! The sicknesses of Meniere's prevented me from being seen by He-Who-Touched-My-Brain, just yesterday. He, who is the Very Doctor to diagnose me with this disease, Meniere's. Oui? Oui.
And with so many Little Blue Bus schedule's to coordinate, for labs, MRI's and X Rays, my appointments at the TGH Compound and the Campus of The Memorial Hospital, amongst visits to counselor and therapist. Girl, please.
Busy is as busy does and damn it, these past eight or so weeks have slipped right on by.
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