Perspective Of A Mixed Blood

I have read and have read from different venues, and have seen with my eyes just where we as a country's people, are headed. As the peoples of this fine country, America. Please, not too long ago streets would have been in flames, with companies looted, with our local and state official talking rubbish on the local TV station. My inner most, private and confidential, assertive and prepared advocate within, this ageing mixed-blooded mystic militant, continues to press and to approach that which is wrong when it comes to our Civil Rights. I have come to my conclusions and know I don't have time to play special games with government officials. Them with their nice official titles, nice cars and very nice salaries. The more I keep my mouth shut, the more I listen, the more I've learned just how horribly disparaging some of our governmental systems have become.   

I can no longer visit or go to my Governmental office due to health issues, yet there is also a because: because of the inner fears I will be challenged to fight by that goof ball. I learned from the experience and do not require a follow up report on the matter that pushed my anger and a hidden rage that was too willing to oblige the challenge of such a young foolish cock. The incident was reported but nothing done. From there, I knew where I stood.

You see, I remember a time, not that long ago really, when these news paper head lines, television reports, constant acts of racial discrimination and violence towards Women and Minorities, would have never been tolerated and would have created such civil unrest in this country that Mr. President, would be flying coast to coast. As a society we have permitted too many of our peoples to be discriminated against, including acts committed against us mixed blooded folk. There are too many good right citizens of these United States of America, who would have participated in a rebellion. There are too many mass murders. Too many massacres. God, Please.

We are a mockery of what this nation stood for at one time - not too damned long ago. A caricature of our fore-fathers. How is it that this country is going to lose financial strength in the world when we are a 'power house'? Back in the 1960's and 1970's, we would have had families and neighbours checking in on the latest news from the South East. Taking shifts to cover each others back. Please, what I have witnessed in this life time, here in my country of birth, is our government officials get away with so much financial and criminal corruption that I wonder how our media has the nerve to point fingers and call names against other countries with their political issues.

From in here looking out, and as an American, I say, God Bless America.

Neurological Pain, Spinal Cord Lesion, Procedures, and Surgery. Sooner.

Hello, and welcome. I wish to connect this evening with my Guests and Readers, about the appointment and experience I had this afternoon with my Neurologist Professor, my Neurologist Fellow, and the entire Team at the Neurological Pain and Burns Rehab Center at Tampa General Hospital, University Of South Florida. The hospital is a teaching hospital and that's the connection between them both. I would sum this up by saying that I have the privilege to say that I have some of the Nations best doctors, surgeons, nurses and a professor, looking after me and teams of so many Folk who really give a damn about me and the health. Awesome Team TGH/USF and all are a part of my team. Mario's Team, for "The Better State of Health, Mind, Body, and Spiritual Healing. Kindred, all of this is as of today, I commit to an ever changing and continuation of my battles with decades of health, emotional and other forms of recovery.

Today, I listened to my Professor, She-With-Many-Names and have seriously contemplated each word she spoke aloud. Botswana, my bride of 33 years was sitting next to me and we both listened and talked with my Professor and her Fellow. Who actually, was a young and very wise Woman Fellow. In my head that would be the same as if I called my sister "dude". Seen. I love Women. I love my Woman, and I love Women doctors. For most stuff, en`it?, a Woman doctor is cool, but not everything can might be associated with a kind Woman Lady Doctor and I, you see? I don't know, so please, don't ask. Okay? We all had good talk and share, She, speak up some about diagnosis's and what is in store for me as a patient over the next few weeks and months. In no particular time span, order, or schedule, there are many MRI's of the brain, cervical and lower lumbar spines, and spinal cord, a spinal tap, tests to look at slippage of spine and the potential of more lesions on my spinal cord. Surgery is in my future sooner than later, I speculate. A two week program post or pre-surgery, where I will be in the tutelage of a Pain Psychologist. Yes. That's what I said. Another Psychologist - this one for pain. I have long ago forgotten how many of these professionals I have crossed paths with. Whew. Stop this drama dammit! There will be therapies for this and therapies for that and so much other shit that I am fighting emotions as I tip tap right here in my safe place. I shared my confusion with my Professor and my Fellow-Young-Woman, I don't know.

I do know I am positive that I am relieved the extensions of procedures due to insurance matter comes to an end soon. Sir., what am I to think or say when I am asked about a mass on my spinal cord? I mean, no insurance put a cease fire on all of my procedures, scans and all of that dung. My medications. My medicine. The pills that years ago "I" would have fought against, but shit Honey, I'm talking about what lives in this skin and attached to this skeleton. Shit!

And, Oh My God, too!!.

Unfortunately, I am once again at a ceiling when it comes to Pain Management, there is simply not much more we are able to do. I could not receive injections today due to insurance issues and costs. The past two nights have been the nearest I have gotten to an emergency department in a mighty long time. It is a pleasure to say I have not rushed off and I'm proud of this. But, Olivia, to be awoken by such horrific pain that all I was able to do is moan. No talking. I excused myself from my safe place so I don't trouble my dear spouse Botswana, remove myself so my moan and growls will not wake her. And or, our Dogg Pound. God Bless.

Today, I failed, I damned forgot to bring back up medications while out and about earlier. Shit, that's a lesson I won't soon forget. Good, goodness, how miserable an experience it was. Then not be able to receive injections for this excruciating-mind bending pain! She-With-Many-Names, has ordered an increase in a Pain Medication that we have experimented with for approximately two months. Thank God, this is prescribed to me to assist in the twenty-four hour a day pain. This walking and living torture. I have walked these shoes. I have walked my moccasin's and am in the position where I find myself having to place major trust on fellow Human Earth Mates...

...I am in the position to consider where is it that I am in Life today. Where am I this cool October night, meaning where is it that I find myself? There's work to get done, I figure there are a few things I'll have to prioritize, then, my friend, make it happen. I want to keep my moccasin's on my feet and my Ghost Beads around my neck. I am home again, I feel this in my heart.

Great One, is this my Cross to bare? Is this pain that flows through my veins, is this Meniere's Disease, to be the last straw. Is going Deaf going to hurt me so bad that I am at an impasse?

Kindred, I am a simple, sometimes goofy-sometimes too serious-type-of-dude. I am a mixed blood and I am a man who is Deaf in the left ear, and hard of hearing in my right ear. I wear a hearing aid in my right and a Baha on the left. Baha, is the Bone Anchored Hearing Aid. I return for Neurological Pain BOTOX procedures next month. Between then and now, a Medical/Business Plan will be drawn up by the one tip tapping here.

Good Morning, Good Night, and Good Afternoon. Love, peace, and more peace. Seen?

There's No Place Like Home, I Love Being Here

Relations,

I just want to share how much I miss being here on My Path. There is a connectedness from my innards to this safe place that seems to have permitted me the opportunity to share, talk, and open up about what Meniere's has done to my life and has created in my Circle.

I miss being here with you on this blog, my Guests and reader's, and the cosmic connections I've had with People's from all over our Mother Earth. There's something beyond expression when one is able to open up about not only about Meniere's Disease, but the other illnesses, diseases. I am a survivor of incest and sexual abuses and have felt safe to express myself here on my path.

I wish to share with you, that this blog, this safe place, is a place where I am able to be free and open with the world. This is an extraordinary extension of my being, physical, emotional, and Spiritual. I suspect this is why I feel such a bitter sadness about my absence. I have not meant to ignore my safe place here, I have thought of My Path, every single day of life.

Yes, the expression of sadness as being bitter is true - I have not meant to be away from here...

...my dearest Guests, Reader's, Kin Folk, and Kindred. I very well feel as if I have been away. It feels like an eternity, but it has been a handful of months, where I slowly began to withdrew from my circle, from my environment. My dearest Circle. My heart and spirit's ache, I have learned what 'there's no place like home', feels like. I do, I really do.

Oh, Dorothy, and Toto too, thank you so much for reminding me, yet one more time, that there's no place like home. Really, there's no place like home, there's no place like home...

...there's no place like home, and I sure do love being here. Today is a beautiful day!

Sounds and Noises, So Very-Near-The-Edge

I've had several so very-near-the-edge of a full blown out panic going back four or so weeks ago. I don't know really, but not longer than this brief period I have described. I suspect that what I labeled an asthma attack back four weeks was actually pretty damned near the panic. My body and the bones within tell me so. I have had too many moments in time where I've had to "snap" out or as I've always shared with others, disengage. My God, I must, because if not, I'm afraid that edge my third eye has been focused on, are because of these sounds and noises, which aid in creating panic. Which assist in the madness. I know this. It's right here next to me.

I am aware that this past half year plus one month, has had me all over the charts when it comes to my physical health, the Meniere's Disease and Neurological and Spinal issues, and to include my psychological and emotional status's. The graphs of ups and downs would be difficult to evaluate. This has been from the calm of faith and certainty, to the very edge of wanting to scream out loud. And scream without cease! I've cried out loud a bit, keeping in mind there is a difference in crying out loud and weeping aloud. I'll be damned, I know the difference from a personal perspective. And I'm a dude. Oh, Good God, I have done some deep personal inventory and sessions of disengaging. For me over these many years of recovery, I have found that the crying, screaming into a pillow or under water work in disengaging. Medicine.

My therapist, Sir. Dude continues to be an asset to my being and team. I've been knocked off balance for such a long now, you see? Sir. Dude, is an entrusted individual and I respect him highly. Furthermore, I have sought assistance from "My Advocate", at Self Reliance, Inc., Center For Independent Living. He has helped me get-a-grip, 'fairly well to good' and we have established a personal business plan that has me connecting with financial matters and professionals. I have a seminar on insurance issues, and the alternatives. Most ultimately then, a date attending an Expo - Convention here in Down Town Tampa, for our Deaf and Hard of Hearing citizens, come mid November. My Advocate, aka My Earth Angel, highly-highly recommended I go, so it's a part of my plan. Mr. Y., is an awesome member of my team. What a true blessing he is indeed.

Sometime soon, my bath will be evaluated for further restoration. Mr. Y., is directing the way.

Please hold on Team, here we go! I've got to keep on keeping on. Seen.