Meniere's, Sleep, The Cervical Spine and The Martin's Too!

Kindred One's,

I was recently stirred awake by a sudden rush of sweat and perspiration. I felt as if I had been startled awake, more that stirred now that I think about it, but that's real. Startled and or stirred can be scary. The sleep came from a very deep sleep that has been keeping the slumber and I close and closer to the one hundred twenty hours of sleep that has kept me in my one safe place here at Home, The Lodge of Seven Window's, is deep rooted in good ground. The corners of our property are prayed to as we are taught to pray to the Four Directions. This Sanctuary, our beautiful home and the adjoining Nature Preserve has been blessed with the good medicine and the smoke's of White Sage, Pine and Cyprus, herbs and spices, hundreds of times and will be we will continue to bless our community.

It is 0142. I am worn and exhausted, even with this scenario where I sleep my days, nights, weeks, right on through. I forget days and I forget nights. I remember the Dreams in Dream World. I am their guest there. Now, the process to recover from this odd and some sort of disease induced Coma. My neck is hurting me so bad and my shoulders are hurting. My scalp is having pains on the left side of my Globe, near the site if implant, but mostly the upper left hand corner of my hear. There between my scalp and skull. The cluster pains are here to toy with me.

Over the past week or so my Cervical Spine has so troubled me with pain and a constant discomfort. This continues on throughout the evening and into night. My New Neurologist wants me to consult with He-Who-Touched-My-Brain, about some of the symptoms I am experiencing. I called both practices this week and communicated well with both. Both are aware of the necessity to communicate. Although I love the direction I am headed with She-With-Many-Names, she must understand that I am the patient. This is not a "Family Package'. I speak with He-Who-Touch-My-Brain, about Menier's Disease and Hearing. When I call She-With-Many-Names, will learn that I am calling her and her awesome team because I AM HAVING Neurological and Cervical Spine issues. I would not trouble Her clinic for something other?

Come Monday, I'll make some calls - get all of we looking at same page and take it from here. On the Tuesday, I will visit with He-Who-Touched-My-Brain, for follow up of a better and improved site of procedure. Yes, I guess, I still feel like I have a tiny lip there, um, yes, the opened mouth is still there, but time will tell. I can wait. Wait and watch, while I observe and learn from the way my brother's and sister's inter-act as the Team Member's, representing Mario's Better Health, Body, Mind and Spirit Team and the All of Me. You see, there's been way too many moment by moments when it comes down to the sleep, post Meniere's Attacks, because the sleep has always been so fucking depressing. I don't remember keeping track on such a stretch of lapsed time in life due to sleep anyways. I mean, What The Fuck, there was a time I had never even heard of peoples who slept all of the time and they have diagnosis for these things and I find myself to be One with such a burden, my own diagnosis. Now, here I am maintaing a tally on the maddening amount of time I have slept. When I start to count the hours again, there's something wrong. That damned Meniere's Attacked stomped me something bad last week. One week of days and seven days of life slept and sleeping away.

Last evening, I was blessed to have the company of two dear friends of my wife's and mine who I love and respect with all of my heart. Their company was lively and was a driving force in me being up for a short few hours last night. My heart says not long enough time, but I knew I had to return to bed straight away. And did once they drove off, I did. I also understand that my two dear friends have a wonderful and bristling nest still bristles with the activity of youth and their life's being youths. May Great Spirit, bless every one of you and keep a watchful eye over the Sailor in our Family. I can remember when my newest Hero, was a wee Lil Dude, cool beyond his years. My heart has space for the entire crew of Martin's, including my plank bud, 'Drew, and his beautiful, brilliant, and intelligent sister's. My Dear Niece's and Nephew's. D. & T., I love you both and your whole Mystic Crew to Deaf and I know this because my heart says it's so.

By the date on the calender and the lower left corner of this computer I read that day 31 of March has arrived and that it is now 0324. Time to say good night and time for me to say ten - four, and let me close this door and head back up to the North West Room, where I have a safe place I enjoy being in and near, it's so dear.

I really must say though, that it's a damned shame that I have to be driven mad listening to these voices speak nonsense - their words just out of my understanding. Earlier today, I listened to repeated gunfire out back. Um, the shots were coming from out back of my mind. These shots had a steady report too, from the many arms that I thought were being shot. After about forty five minutes, this sound stopped and has not returned. Yet. Yes, I have had sounds of gun fire before and yes, the time duration can be twenty minutes to an hour or more. It all depends on who's shooting who up in there. Can you feel me?

At this very moment, both ears are having sounds of insects of various forms and sizes and are so loud that the fuckers are driving me mad! And pushing up the anxious button. Got to go.

I burp hoping it will keep my nausea down. Yes.

Love, peace and more peace...

Meniere's Communique. I Have Slept Over 70 Hours Since Sunday. Gone To Far?

Goodness Gracious, Great Balls On Fire!

I had not noticed that this much time had passed since I was last here. The sleep and slumber have had me wrapped up like a big bear in a cave. With this cold spell we have had here in Central Florida, the past week it seems to have complimented my slumber and sleep during this post Meniere's attack. I have slept a deep, dream inducing time of sleep. Have slept forty plus hours in last two days and have slept seventy something since Sunday. Taking care of my business when awake, making calls and taking calls. Maybe sometimes when I could have waited, I did not. In my mind, it is the right thing to keep all on same page with what is happening with my health. These post Meniere's attack symptoms create so many disgusting affects in my life. I share that this sleep and Meniere's creates true pains, aches and symptoms that create spasms,  gags of nausea, sweats like the gym and the sweeping whirlwind dizziness that knocks me down time and time again. And again. For Fucks Sake.

In dream time, I am able to get away from this sometimes. Good friends and folks come to visit me in dream world. Kindred and folks who know me and I know them. I know these are the very folks who have welcomed me into their dreams. Very few have actually found me here. If it is meant to be then, the world will reunite us, face to face, when the time is right.

I share right now that I have had times when I have had Shape Shifting experience's and I can see what it is I am doing and feel the speed and the wind brush past my furry face and curls as I am able to witness what I reach when I am on all fours and running faster than cars - with no effort and or danger around.

This is the speed that has had my heart, energy and Spirit's all stirred up lately. These Spirit's tell me that too much is happening. Too much talk. Too many words being said and shared and some thing's so deep it cuts to the bone. Yes, Kin, I have let go, I had to let go, Yes, I did let go. And Let God in The Spiritual Realm, and I let go here in the flesh when I had in action very much business with Vocational Rehab and following the each and every word these Kind One's would ask for and or request. Visit after visit, test after test.

My integrity confirmed, I am an Honest One, I am told. I have been walking this Path for many years and have now had a Blessed and well educated One tell me the same. I have worked for years and years to do right by my name and my Mixed Blood. I am Blessed by this. I am blessed to have met these incredible women from VR and VC. Their trust and confidentiality is above reproach. I am blessed to have them as my therapist, coach, and counselor. Both have been witness to One who has made right by his Name and Spirit's. It may have taken years and years, but I am okay with that. I have worked very hard and for many years for the words of humble and honest to be honored and applied to my name. That I am of Good Spirits. To have these kind and respectful words applied to my name is humbling and a little awkward I guess.  I have just been minding my own business over the years and then when the disease moved in I had to adjust the all of my life. No, really, there have been times when this Meniere's Disease, has had me very wrapped up tight and when that happens, everything changes. Seen?

Again, I ask God, please, my King of Kings, take this from me.

This Meniere's Disease, it's symptom's from the attack, during the attack and post attack is what my life is and how I live when it strikes. I'm a God Damned Gimp, who needs assistance when out shopping at the store with the Big Red Dot. I am at Risk for falls and I do fall. I lose my balance every-damned-day and I trip every day. There are times when I am cold stone deaf. There are times when I am bed ridden. This does not include the several surgeries and operations I've had or those that I am in line to receive. I am a Health Risk. I am a Fall Risk. I am a Human Resource Department Manager's Nightmare and a major risk for Risk Management...

....these symptoms of Meniere's Disease, are the tip of my ice berg. My asthma is having me suck on my inhaler more that usual, I am wheezing and am tight chested. I am diabetic. I have blood pressure issues. And a plethora of other diagnosis. Should I remember, maybe I will post some in the morrow. Maybe. For some reason, I never stopped to ask, why or what? I carry this heaviness in my heart and chest and am afraid things have gone so fast and have gone to far.

For some reason, my rational parts remind me that I am once again ruminating. Gotta go.

Love, peace and more peace...

A Call From My Sister, My Abuela

Kindred,

My baby sister, East-Face, has called and informed me that my Abuela, our Grand Mother has been placed in hospital and that she is in Intensive Care. BUT, is doing better.

My Baby Sister, East-Face, lives in Georgia.

My Grand Mother, lives in West Tampa, blocks North of our Old Block and Community. Those houses between Tampania and Habana- smack dab in the middle. Right over there near by the bakery...

...my Grand Mother, my Abuela and I live in the same city.

No one, not one has called to share this news of heart congestion with me.

What the fuck? I may not be able to hear so too good, but my eye's sure have seen.

This is not in the blood. Immature, yes, sad, yes, but not in my Mixed God Damned Blood!

Abuela, my grand mother, I love you! And I know that you know this.

My dearest Abuela, has always known these childish way's The game's grown people play.

I know because she has told me so, and we knew such, that love does not equal the games these people play. My Grand Mother knew and knows. That's all that matters to me today.

I have no more to say.

The Howl Of Wolf, Sleep and Slumber, Post Attack Symptoms

Kind One's,

The howl of a Wolf stirred me from my slumber, the howl so vivid and crystal clear, so I stayed there laying in my safe place, and listened closely to the howl, as I also listened to a deep humming sound from out side my window. No, maybe it was more of a deep whoooooom, and please, do accept my apologies for stretching out the whooooom's, that comes from my left deaf ear. My right ear hole hesitated and then woke to assist with listening to the sounds that I was not sure came from the outside or the inside of my skull's content's. I mean.

It is unseasonably cool out on this beautiful Florida Sun Shiny Day. Post Card weather, I swear. It is 1346 and the temperature in the lodge is 63 degree F. Out side, the winds and gusts come and brush the branches of the Oaks and bends the tall Palm Trees scattered about this modern day reservation. My dear Southern Magnolia, also known as Mom, stands tall and firm to the Mother Earth, out back in my Central Park. Mom sits in a wooden chipped garden with flowers native to the South East United States Of America. There are also two Avocado trees planted here that someday, many years from now will bear fine large avocado. Like them that grow in Miami, eh Homie?...

...my always beloved, Sister-In-Law, Miss. JS, who still lives in Miami, had a tree in here back yard that brought forth football sized avocado's. I bull shit you not and I could eat a whole one back in the day. I miss you, Jacky. I miss my nephews and my niece and now, my grand niece. To this day I love you all. Always have, Sweetie Pie, I always have.

Oh God, let me get back here in mind and Spirit. Today has presented sweat, perspiration's and mistiness, off and on since I woke. I am nauseated and I am dizzy and exhausted, I feel as if I am in some sort of neither place at the moment. I am not intoxicated yet I am drunk and my tip-taps are laborious. All I want to do is return to sleep. It is right here. Right here with me, waiting, and the sleep has been easy and I have slept deeply. My eye orbs are sore from this sleep. And these tears I shed in solitary confinement are mine to bare. There is something I must do for myself, you see? There has been an indication that I might bring things in some and closer to my center. I have let things far and wide affect me these past three weeks and now, to be on the other side of this fucking Meniere's attack, I am deep in my heart and Spirit's...

...my heart is dark and I am heavy. It seems as if it was just a few days ago I was moving at warp speed. Then there was the botox injections into my face, neck and skull. I had shot's into my damned face! And none of this is working for me. The pain, discomfort and my face still getting spasms is a piece of my life. Within these three weeks, I had a surgical procedure in clinic two weeks past. This site that has not healed - and it now looks like I have a tiny mouth with two feckin' lips next to my implant. I surly do mean to share this, you all.

My dearest Kindred, I do mean to share this. These sounds and noises have created tasks for me to distinguish what is real and what might be from the inside of my brains and ears. Or not. From the moment I woke until this moment the noises and sounds between my ears have been hyper active. The Worms are squiggling. Nausea and I gag on nothing but my spit. The only other contents in my stomach are the medicines and water I have consumed. I have fasted again. I thank Great Spirit for this sleep. This sleep that I find myself and I immersed with, like a dark beautiful piece of fabric with some lace, which is everything that helps me close me down. Shuts down my thinking and processing center. Kind One's, I have let so very many changes go on and take place these past three weeks. I am feeling a burden of being held down in my chest and center. Let me get hold of myself. Please, let me catch a piece of my life and My Path.

I just had an awesome visit with She-Who-Lives-With-The-Cherokee's, up in the North-East of Georgia. Our visit was through the air, in deed and Spiritually with the cool Spring breezes. With the cute little puffs of white clouds against a canvas of blue clear sky. My dearest friend, my dearest Kindred One, aided me in disengaging and aided me in regaining a focus on the now. Our visit in the wind was blessed. Thank you Ma'am. Thank you, for your unconditional love, your respect and your, and for your Cleansing Connectedness to the Universe. Yes, it is true and I scream this is so! Thank you Ma'am!.

The day has brought me to 1841. I have slept and I have slumbered. I am eager to bathe and cleanse myself of certain energies that I have permitted into my Circle. Perhaps even deeper, the energy that I have permitted to invade my most inner core. I feel shamed and I retreat. I feel sore, am saddened and am exhausted. So for now, I say, Ya-hey!

Today's a good day to die!

Meniere's Attacked, Communique of Symptoms, The Sleep Has Begun

Kindred,

I have awoken from what has been a very dramatic and over active dream time since the meiniere's attack late Saturday and the wee hours Sunday. I was able to hold on to my post for a while during that attack. I'll hold on now t share and then be off, as I feel drunk today from the hangover affect of such an attack and this subsequent sleep. The nausea has been omni-present and has provoked near productive nausea, but no vomit happens and I gag and hurl nothing. Even my bile duct runs empty. And I know the sleep is not done. If I went and laid done in my safe place I would be out in minutes. During times like this, I prefer being in a safe place. I want to go back and return to slumber. In a state of slumber I see and live only what is going on in my dream world. Here I must deal with the symptoms of the Meniere's compounded by post-attack symptoms. A marked increase in the state of dizziness, so affected I am, I must walk with a greater sense of awareness, where here is a minimal to begin with. I use my cane and the wall to navigate from my safe place here. I am safe.

I am out of sound and deaf to my surroundings, hearing only what is going on between and in my ears at this precise moment. In the background I have some Bill Miller on the i-pod and am distracted by the sounds of frequent fly overs of helicopters. Sounds like a squadron of helicopter's and their giant propellers, chwomp-chwomp-chwomping over my lodge. The activities of forest life has been alive and well in my out of sound left ear, a roar of insects. A roaring.

Please, may I ask? Do you ever let life get carried away? Have you ever let go and Let God? Oh, my Kindred One's, I feel in such flux, I can not accurately describe the thoughts, shame, embarrassment's, victories, accomplishments, this deep sadness and happiness and the "Dorothy like Twister" in my brains right now. All of this change is probably just as well, as it runs along the same path of a Busy Mind. There has been so much on my mind and in my head and going on in my circle and the circles of those connected to mine.

I share with you now my Kindred, that I am able to read my palms and see that they say to me there is more surgery to come to the left side of my scalp. There next to my implant. This same wound from the last procedure has not yet healed and I am comfortable thinking that He-Who-Touched-My-Brain, will not be happy with this. I am not. There's a piece of my scalp that raises and touches my BAHA processor when I have it on. This area of my scalp continues to pain and hurt me.

The worms are here. Spider's are not, maybe sleeping. I don't know, but these damned worms wiggle. Up and random like too, I could be standing, laying or sitting here, like just now where there is a squiggling that is a real as reality. I want to vomit.

It has taken me since 1352 ,when I took a call from my therapist, Lady S., to complete this communique. I have taken calls from my counselor, Miss. K., at VR, my therapist Sir. Dude and from family since. I sense that I am closing down and shall soon be back to my corner or Earth Mother. My body screams and my head twirls in unison exclaiming the time to return is now. These are the voices in my life and Path that I had a need to speak with and hear their voice's. My wife, my child, and a downright best good friend, who happens to have the same name as in my blood, a Martin, my Mom's Mom. Oh, wouldn't it be so grand t get a call from my Ma. Goodness gracious, how I miss my Mom. I am tired and beat. My body aches and is pained, I have taken a mighty good beating. I feel it from my toes to my neck and skull.

I have been counseled to disengage from the ruminations. I have cried and I try not to ruminate, but life happens, and I am my own worst judge and enemy. I might have recently read that I am diagnosed with eating disorder and in same report I read that I am over-weight. Well and wow, as am fully aware of both. It is far out that even after all of these years with eating disorder's and as one with an eating disorder, how does One say to an anorexic, You're over fat Dude. Ouch.

For now, I head back to my corner. I have nothing else to say. it is 1845. Sleep comes. Sleep and time. And time and time again, the sleep returns. I am so exhausted my eye orbs hurt. To think I have slept off and off since 1352 and still feel like this seems so wimpish. I've got to let go now.

Peace.

p.s. I have turned off the music. I listen to the jungle. Has anyone seen Jane around here lately?

Reporting A Meniere's Attack

Had Meniere's attack Saturday night and early Sunday morning.

I am awake to take my medications, make a few calls and as soon as I have finished these few words, will return to the safety of my bed and my safe place.

I am so dizzy that the awkwardness's affects my tip-tapping and my typing skills have dropped way below my brilliant twenty words per minute. My vision is affected.

I am sweating enough to have my t-shirt stuck to my chest and back. I am sweating so much I am able to feel the perspiration slide down my back into elsewhere areas.

The nausea is high and I have had several gagging fits. There is nothing to bring up because I have not eaten to day and have fasted since Saturday afternoon.

The sounds and noise in my ears are driving me from center as I am overwhelmed by these sounds. Tarzan's jungle lives between my ears today and there's nothing I can do about this.

I am unsteady and the need for my safe place far outweighs my being here tip-tapping.

Let me go back to my safe place then.

me

Life's Been Happening, Damn It!

Kind One's,

I would be lieing if I didn't say that I feel a bit beat up about and over these past three weeks of March 2013. In twenty calender days I have had ten days when I had one or more appointments, if I were to include the morrows celebration of my Wife's birth, that raises the bar to eleven appointments in twenty one days. My Hitting Average would be off the charts...

...I mean, really?

There has been one MRI, two sterile procedures done on my scalp. One was the surgical removal of more of my scalp. Soon, my left scalp will look like the giant satellite disc in Puerto Rico. Oh yeah, deep, wide and round, just like in the movies. My right good dear Doctor avenges his people by Scalping a Modern Day Mix Breed. I have no doubt. A young Alabama Feller too. All of this going on on the left side of my bobble head near the implant. It was just two day's prior to this snip-n-cut, that I had many injections of medically necessary Botox, also known as The Neuro Pain Botox Injections. These have provided a peculiar side affect or two. And, Good-Damned-Day, I have had side affects. One, and perhaps the most troublesome is that these injections have proved futile to combating the pains and discomfort in shoulder, pains in my skull, pains in my neck, the spiders and worms, the feckin' facial spasms have continued. Other than creating a temporary permanent affect on my eye brows and my forehead - I can't squish up my fore-head, but my eyes look as if I am angry and squinting my beautiful hazel/brown eye orbs and my right eye brow has this awesome crooked raise to it. Wait. Rather like Sherlock Holmes, back when Sir Basil Rathbourne, was my favorite detective. I try to make my face do other wise, but nope, not yet. Not yet.

Sure is time to get gone.

I would love to let Folks know that I am breathing. I promise. I inhale to the count of seven, then when ready, exhale to the count of seven, then, extend the inhale and exhale, and just earlier this evening, I was able to go deep into a sound, safe and deep place. So deep and so-away-from-here, I was startled back here by the whimpering of my hound Ting Ting, having a bad dream, as she laid next to her Grampy. Her, One and Only Ole Grampy, you see.

By the way, I did visit with the opthomalogist today and have been kindly informed that I have the cataract's and that there will be surgery associated with this within the next two to three years. Wait a minute, my dear younger than my youngest informed and shared with me what it is that my right eye looks like, in a model form My Dears, in model form. I am not thrilled about this news, but I am not surprised neither, as I have had my mind-set wrapped around the concept that my right eye was acting fucked up. I just didn't want to bitch and moan about this, or that I had noticed a marked change in vision and simply associated it as something related to the Meniere's Disease.

With out a second thought, I have been associating the change in vision with the Meniere's Disease...

...it is as if this Meniere's Disease became the, Shit! that's-what-it-is pile, on the laundry room floor. Like it became the catch all for all the shit that has gone on in my life and Path since we learned what it was we were and I have been chasing, that being that damned, Meniere's Disease. And the symptom's of Meniere's and it is always a good day to die.

Life Happens, everyday around me, all around me, kind of living. It's too late to turn back now. Seen?

When I include my Circle's with the Circle's of other's, there is always a sense of life happening. When I've fallen, I have gotten up, brushed myselve's off and moved along. That's my business, I am my business and we have already covered this subject before. I know. Just as a reminder, my body, mind, health and Spirit's are my business.

This is what I get up for. My Life and Life Happening...

...part of life happening is "getting read" from time to time. I hope some of my readers might know what I refer to when I say "getting read". It is when some one and or another puts their face in your face and tells 'you' about myself. Baby, look, I am still dealing with and am still reading and re-reading this biography of me over and over again. This reading I had Thursday, that was passed on to me by my therapist from Voc. Creations and my counselor at Voc. Rehab., has rocked my world. My God, it really has.

There is an urgency in my heart and center on keeping my appointment with my therapist, Sir Dude, come Wednesday, 27 March. Look, I want to see him so bad, I wish my appointment was on Monday. And hell yes, I am serious. The 27th, is also the day my youngest child flies off to Abu Dhabi, UAE, to spend time with her sister, my eldest, who I sub-suppose has met her Dear Arabian Knight. I speculate he is a fine young Man with Noble Dreams, a very strong belief in Allah and Family. His People's Energy flow through this young man to my daughter. Of course, I see this in her eye's. Her smile when they are together and the spark that's in the air. My God, if I were in her shoe's I'd be doing the same thing, Honey...

...oh yeah, life is happening damn it and it is happening at full warp speed ahead, Captain Jim. My Good God.

Honestly, at this moment, with the sweat around my forehead, the gag and nausea in my throat, the dizziness in my brains and the feckin' locusts, cicadas and crickets are in a competition to see and hear who can preform the loudest. We've had some good rain lately, so I asked Botswana, my wife, if she heard the racket out back, she said she did not. There was no noise other than the loud disgusting torment going on in both ears. The Deaf one and the one that is losing sound. I tell ya, wearing these moccasins are huge reasons why I keep on going on. Yes, please do believe I have visited the place of dread and gloom and have been at the point of thinking I was on the brink of madness.

Um, No Ma'am, I can't let that go like that. I share now that I have stood at the cliff of an angry madness and I have looked down into the pits of a life often surrounded by fucking pure and utter madness. When an individual has placed a loaded weapon to the temple and cried with my finger on the trigger, then when I couldn't, I pointed the weapon at my other head and wept, with it loaded and my finger on the trigger.

I know in my heart that there have been times when I had lost my mind. When I have lost my mind. I mean, for fucks sake, how is somebody really going to gage and grade my inner thoughts, my sadness and the madness on one or two visits of a few hours or so? I am not sure, but I think the reading of Me to my Face, was so too very rocking to me and my world. Rather high up there on the seismic scale, it was.

There was and has been so much information and data composed and shared over the last week. I feel an over-load between these two ears and for now, I'm okay with it.

I'll see Sir Dude soon and yes, I know I'm ruminating. Gotta go.

Ciao Bella's...

Hallelujah! Grace Comes Home Today!

Kind One's,

Within the next few minutes I will be able to say, "Today there is One being born in my Circle". I suspect I'll wait a few to post this note to announce the "Welcoming Home of a Princess by the name of Grace"...

...Grace's Mom, a dear and Kindred Spirit, has the energy and strength of Bear Medicine and the awesome energy of Wolf. Her energy is an awesome gift, I know blessed to her from the Great God, we all know as the One God. Hallelujah.

I look forward to meeting She, who is one who I had yet to meet. A new born soon will see the face of her loving Mother and her Big Brother for the first time real soon. I am genuinely excited for Mom and Grace, and Grace's big brother and it touches my heart and Spirit's to have these wonderful folks be a part of my life. A part of My Path. I am Honored.

I look forward to looking into my Sister's eyes. I look forward to an exchange of the awesome energy that so easily flows off and away from her extraordinarily bright, powerful aura.

Women and their birthing ways, damn it. I'll admit any day that Women are the strongest of the sexes. Wait, I've known some Gay Gentlemen who were stronger than Arnold and Rambo combined, and yet were as finessed as the most proper of Women in our Society. So please, for the most part Women, are indeed the strongest. Yes, I know this.

This whole birthing canal and birthing cramps and breaking water all over myself is what makes me so grateful that I am not a Woman or that I can not birth a child. Mr. Wang's, exit port would not accommodate such an evacuation from my loins. Look, even if it was a remotely-far-fetched-possibility, I would renege on that lack of a proper birth canal piece. What? Okay.

Grace comes home! God Bless America and God Bless Grace and Mom!

Hallelujah! Great Spirit, Grace comes home today! Hallelujah!

Hallelujah!

Thoughts About The Big Meeting, Voc. Rehab., And There' No Place Like Home, There's No Place Like Home

Howdy Kin,

Well, I made it to my Big Meeting this afternoon and am now home, safe, refreshed and energized by the gathering with Miss. K., from Vocational Rehabilitation and Lady S., from Vocational Concepts. If it wouldn't sound so silly, I would say "Oh My God", because the readings that went on between the three of us this afternoon has me still pleasantly stunned by the preparation made for this gathering. I mean, let me share that my two Team Mates, took the import of time to spend a few with me. To share what Lady S., prepared for this talk, will require time. I have a report that is every-damned-word-of-it-is-a-biography-of-me! OMG! I have in my position ten pages of what sums up my entire life and Path. Yes, I did say ten pages...

...I have not yet gathered my acorns to sit a spell and read the reports that were generated by a psychologist and Lady S., she is who a person that is, One-I-Consider-My-Therapist. I have this inner knowledge that provides me the peace at knowing I have an awesome and powerful advocate. She and Miss. K., are special Kindred, I imagine both women to be Warrior's in my effort. I am humbled by this energy created by our face to face. When Lady S., spoke we listened, when Miss. K., spoke we listened, and when I had my talk both lady's listened with intention. If there was not an immediate response, reply, or/and answer to one of my questions, a list was created and Miss. K., is working on getting answers and a direct course on this Business Plan of mine. Rather forward, Miss. K., can be sometimes be and I am okay with that right there. She is sturdy and she is strong, she is "my" advocate", my counselor and someone I could call Coach. She's steering this Mixed Breed, right steady like, keeping it right real steady like is a place in life and My Path, that feels good under my feet. These are some the things in my life that feels good under this gorgeous skin of mine. And I am okay with this right here.

When we talked and listened about "me", it just had to be one of those things in life that was kind of really wild to listen to. Spoken by  someone who knew me better than anyone else on Mother Earth. It is a very damned odd thing to have a person gather enough information on me to create a screen play. Or, no wait, maybe a Broadway Show? A musical, maybe! I listened as she spoke of my life, My Path, to my face.  Lady S., spoke truths and I listened. There was nothing to say or debate about. It was me in words of black letters and numbers on clean white pages of paper. She spoke of her agreement/approval for a return to work, talked about my numbers that represent me as an individual, as me representing myself and then please, let me sum this up by saying that Lady S., quite simply read me like a book, Honey. Boom! And there I was. What?

There is much pre-plannings going on, the gathering of information and data continues. Life and stuff is happening daily and there is a magical omni-present energy going on that is happening and going on in "my" days. I really think to myself, say what? Is this really happening? For me? Good Goodness, and My God, knows I don't want to let this go. I don't want to wake up from this dream! I don't want the world to change my mind, because my dear Kindred, I like this kind of all-that-stuff going on in that office today. The way the gathering has influenced my inner being, my Spirit's, and energies today has been cleansing. Yes, cleansing. Like a dip in a cool mountain stream. I was read aloud to my face.

Oh My God! Is this awesome stuff really happening in my life?

There's no place like home, there's no place like home, there's no place like home...

The Big Meeting With Vocational Rehab. and Vocational Concepts

Wellness,

Kindred, here I sit once again in preparation for what is yet another important meeting in my life's Path. I am filled with an intoxicating blend of anticipation, anxiety, and adrenaline. I am so high on this cocktail that I am feeling my heart chambers bump the life force in my chest.

I want a cigarette, but do not smoke. Yes, I did years ago and smoked for a chunk of my life here on Earth Mother. I am not proud to say I am from the era of the Marlboro Man, Moor's, KOOLS and Benson and Hedges Menthol Cigarettes. Once I became to cool to smoke them others, although, I would dabble in the Canadian, German, and Jamaican cigarette's back-back-back in the day.

Just about forty five minutes ago I had a gagging attack from hell. When this happens I think I must look like a donkey baying in the North 40. I mean to say that the gags come in hideous convulsions from my throat, stomach and chest that hurls chunks of the nothingness from my stomach this morning. It truly amazes me how these particularly hideous symptom's remain secretly tucked away, out of sight and out of mind. This one for me, I suspect is the one I am especially embarrassed about. That's my reckoning behind keeping it locked and snuck away...

...yes,I know, I know I get into some personally deep shit here, but there is something I can not describe about this particular symptom of Meniere's. Maybe this, imagine this happening to you in public. Now imagine this happening in Publix, the Supermarket Where Shopping Is A Pleasure. Alright then, I thought you knew.

My gathering today will be with my Counselor from Vocational Rehabilitation and a therapist who tested me on various educational levels, IQ and has had time spent with me. More time than I have had with my Vocational Rehab. counselor. Today, numbers will be shared - scores from all of those tests that the Miss. from Vocational Concepts presented to me.

Great Day! I remember now! This feeling of this type of anxiety from back when I worked at Best Buy and Starbucks Coffee Company, in some managerial roll or another. The worry of the Boss's Boss stopping by to review and go over "The Number's". I am a fifty three mystic and I know that I am not the smartest kid in the class. No, really and I know this. Where I lack intelligence/knowledge in some areas, I excel in others. I do not want to feel like I am being graded by these organizations, but I am. It's all about the numbers, I know this. Let's go then.

As I prepare to be picked up by the Lil' Short Blue Bus, I ask the Great Spirit to keep a watchful eye on his child in me. I am scared a bit. Today will shed light on the direction I shall navigate. I am eager and excited to begin.

Please, my Kindred, say a special word for me.

I've no more to say.

Self-Reliance, Inc., My Advocate And

Earlier this afternoon I was able to meet with an individual from an organization called Self -Reliance, Inc. This fellow is a welcomed member to my Better Health, Mind, Body, and Spirit Team. I am certain this was an extraordinary face to face meeting with one I shall refer to as My Advocate. The right good gentleman welcomed me with an eagerness to help that had me humbled and lost for words. What an incredible person to have crossed paths with.

My Advocate, had considered, processed, thought and probed to see what type of "Business Plan", to coordinate for me, with me. My socks and mind blown away, as this Kind One and Kindred Spirit created a Business Plan for us and my course from this day forward on this Path of mine.  My Advocate and I will be working as a team on getting me to a safer place to live and a better place to be in my skin. I am the fortunate one. I know this.

I am still very much at a loss for words as to how to describe what I feel inside about crossing paths with Self-Reliance, Inc., and My Advocate. I know positively that there is a true and trusted new team mate aboard who has taken My Path and I seriously. With compassion, empathy and a direction for me to go. My Advocate, had me from the first time I saw his face and yes, I say I do trust him. He is after all, My Advocate.

There is a bit of regret in my heart with respects to my hopes being raised by some. Their words said and words shared, and them folks then changing their face on me is a bitter thing. Yes, it is sad, but I am okay with this. These Folk, who have betrayed me by their words will hear and listen to mine. Don't play with my family, my money, or my emotions. Who has time for that?

It is a good place to be where I am today. I'm pleased and very satisfied with the gathering I had today and the direction we are headed in...

...My Advocate, is a person we all want on our team. For one of those very rare occasion's in my life, I have someone who is looking out for me and my best interest. And even though we have just met, I know that My Advocate and I are headed in a pretty cool direction.

Yes, I am the fortunate one. Yes.

To My Advocate, Sir., I thank you, and I thank you very much.

The Spiders and Worms, Once Thought Expired Have Returned

.Yes, Kindest One's, the spider's and worms, once thought expired have returned to dwell, once again, in the space between my scalp and my skull, which contains two halves of one brain, and the thought processes of this particularly peculiar sort. Me. Or I. It shall not matter at this moment, because I have come to speak briefly on behalf of this one said, I, that the return of these scurrying little bastards are all amok, around and about the left side of my upper skull.

No, and then alas, these are not some fanciful Physical Hallucination, although I must consider I have experienced Visual and Audio Hallucinations, thus bringing an interesting delima for the structure wearing my skin.

Which brings the alters and I, to the fine understanding that what I am living with here at this moment is a product of surgically dissected and or bisected skin, nerves, veins and the matter within my chambers of my flesh and skull, where it is there have been multiple snips, cuts and saws. Burr's grinding matter of the skull.

On quiet and cold nights, I still hear in my deaf ear, the buzz - ing sound of the burr.

Seen.

Let it be written then, that these squirming pests have not been rendered exterminated. The Botox, new pills and even recent procedure have not rendered them done dead gone. Hence, I shall have no alternative at this place in time but to take these matters into my own hand and or hands, should I decide to use both on my own, Home Schooled Surgically Procedurally Prepared Hands, Mind, and the Tools with which to get this done did right like and gone. C`est super beau!

For Pete's Sake. For Shits Sake. For Fucks Sake! Please?

This is all I have to say on this subject. I shall say no more, say no more. Hello.

Free Leonard Peltier!

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A Close Look At Site Of Procedure, BAHA Revisit

Kind Folks,

I afforded myself a good close look at what the site of procedure looks like. Damn it why did I do that? Heail yes I was grossed out. The wound itself is about the size of a larger sized caliber bullet. It actually looks like a bullet entry wound, parked immediately next door to my implant and abutment, where it looks as if a bullet got stuck in my skull. There it is twenty four hours a day, sticking straight out of my skull. I look at the tip of my thumb and say that this is about the size of the hole left behind after doctor's snip and burn.

The site is gruesome, but is feeling better. As I mentioned in a previous post, the pain yesterday was absolutely raging mad pain. Today, I have thrown a few profanities it's way, but the pain is no where as severe as it was on the yesterday. My Good God, what a difference a day makes.

I see that there has been some drainage from the site of revisit of the BAHA. I did not look at my pillow yet but will have a look in a spell. The site is swollen today and seems to be very warm and tender around the site outwards of a few inches. It is in constant mild pain with one of those throbbing pains every once in a bit.

The hole is covered by a black and red cap. Something I speculate to be the plug, and knowing this, has given me the heads up on the be aware of things changing list. BOLO.

This time things will be different and no, I will not be losing this plug.

No more blood to be spilt.

Seen.

The last time I lost a plug, I also lost two liters of blood. No mas,  my Brother. My Sister.

Le Glass Cock

I miss my Glass cock. I miss it something really so sad.

Like how about now? Where is my glass cock?

With this bit of snipped head hurting, I need one real bad.

The magic behind a Glass cock is indescribable. It's protection.

It offers a separation from between out there and in here.

My dear Glass cock, you always took care of me and my left Deaf Ear.

The way you made my head feel so sure and the safe way -

with your elastic and cotton straps that wrapped and wrapped,

around my bobble head and provided me, The Gimp to go on display.

Signed: Pearl

Note: Le Glass Cock, is a form of post procedure wrap that holds the dressings applied to my scalp and implant in place.

It is not a sex toy. Dear Kinfolk, you all who have read this far, know you did because your mind was in the gutter. Say it, and know that it is not profane. Say it. Le Glass Cock. See? Eh?

You know that I know you know, I know you did too! Ha!

15 March 2013. Todays Meniere's, From Where I Sit. BAHA, Beeps, Bells.

Greetings,

From where I sit, I believe that it will soon be time to bring things in a bit closer, for My Path and I. Life has happened and there has been much activity in the past twenty work week days. I have managed my appointments well and might say that there were a few pop-ups that were out of my manage and control. A doctor randomly requesting your visit, is an example. This type of pop-up requires immediate attention and action on my behalf and takes priority over my being locked away in my dark and dank self made "Self Imposed Institutionalization of Self and Alters". And, as it is still, I should remain in medically imposed exile. Yes, this has really been one of the most active and hectic twenty days of life in months. In these twenty day's I attended eight different appointments that required me to coordinate the transport and communicate the urgency of making them on time. I am of the sort that despises being late for anything and I mean any-damned-thing.

I am blessed to be here with you, my Guest. I acknowledge I could be in my cave sleeping, but I really do wish to have a productive day today. Right at this moment, I feel that what I am doing is healthy and productive. So, I am here. Tapping away at about twenty words per minute. I laugh aloud because I once had 35 WPM while in the Army. Vroom to the future and I am doing a mad twenty words per minute! Yes, damn it, I laugh. Kindred, I thought I was better too. Ha!

The wound near the site of my BAHA (Bone Anchored Hearing Aid), has settled it's out-of-this-world, raging and madness inducing pain of yesterday. Today, it still hurts like a son-of-a-bitch, but that serves me a lot better than yesterday's "motherfuckrn" pain. Folks, I told He-Who-Touched-My-Brain's Assistant, `Vonn, just a few ago that if doctor had spoke with me yesterday I was liable to have cussed his ass out. I mean, I was in much misery. I suffered agony and I have lived to tell it too.

My lower left back has improved also. Today I am feeling more of a bruised feeling than that dreadful pain I had earlier in the week. Looking back, I know that I was near emergency department care and am so pleased to have fought that initial thought of, "Dude, do it!". I was able to provide heat therapy, self-massage, rest, and the medication's of ointments and pill. I have made much consideration to the spasm of my lower back being stress related. The morning of the Neuro Pain Botox Procedure was the beginning of a week long issue with a pained back. I am well.

I took good and proper care of my Rented Human Form. My Skin Shell is so brilliant and full of colour. It shimmers with much glitter and is so beautiful. I have also learned to love and adore my other Shell. That One that is dark as night, This is the shell that has a chip at the entry way that slows my return to it's familiarity's and dark eerie comfort. I howl at the moonless sky of a bright sunshiny day in Florida. What have I seen? What did they do?

My ears continue to play with my emotions. The right ear is roaring like at a sporting event roar. My Deaf Left is picking up some beep, beeps. Just like that to, beep, a pause then a beep-beep, and then another pause and repeat. Repeat and repeats that has gone on since getting up this morning. Yes, I laid there on my bed in my cool room, with my Cherokee blanket snuggled near, the wide open window facing North, and the cool crisp morning air welcomed into my lungs. My Spirit's were bathed in wonder of God's simple things that make Life Happening, such a happy thing. My Spirit's and I waited for my right ear to wake up. I've had to learn to let go, you see?

My nausea is a six, so I burp to make me think that burping helps the nausea. I carry a lump in my throat, but no vomit. The dizziness is at about a five at the moment. A light tipsy it feels like. The perspiration and misting's have been mild and off and on today. It pleases me to be able to share a peaceful calmness in my skin. This is a rare treat and I will enjoy this no doubt.

Shazam! I just told somebody who I will be meeting next week, for an important gathering that will provide me insight and direction, that I will be at her office with, "Bells On". Oh yes, I did...

...and then, now, from where I sit, I feel this diagnosis, Giddy. Damn it, I really did! Help.

I am the Last Unicorn. And, I found myself in another part of the world and I asked myself, how did I get here? Same as it ever was. Same as it ever was. As the days go by...

...love, peace, and more peace, all of me

Will Be Going Single Side Deaf

Due to my most recent procedure yesterday, I will be going at life full speed ahead on the SSD. The Single Side Deaf mode of communicating, for at least the next two weeks. Perhaps longer. All depends on whether doctor is satisfied with the way the wound heals or not. I am having to wear the medically necessary cream at site of procedure and do not wish to damage my BAHA processor. Should more cuts be necessary, I'll cross them when I get to them. For now, I am able to forecast where I am headed with this nice new hole in my head. Misery.

Sleep did not happen last night nor this morning. I am exhausted and believe enough so to sleep, but the throbbing pain on my scalp is crazy painful. Damn it, and is keeping me from sleep.

I absolutely love the gift of foresight and clairvoyance. This is a special gift from the One God. Sometimes it troubles me to see the things I see, but I have had this gift and passion for it since childhood and it has certainly been a blessing for me and many others. I do not pound my chest like an ape out to impress. I simply share what it is I see with others when I see them in a vision. There are times when I do not share what it is I have seen. I am not comfortable with even the slightest concept of having altered the Path of another. I approach these visions with caution and respect and share the same when I have made contact with them on the other side.

Within the past week, I am aware that my Aunt Billie, has been here for a visit. The scent of her Jasmine has been rich and as wonderful as the jasmine Aunt Billie grew out side of her house in Avon Park, Florida. This smell memory brings happiness and joy to my heart and reminds me of how blessed I was to have had my dearest Aunt Billie, be such an influence on my life and path. A Genuine Southern Lady, my Aunt Billie, went deaf later in her life and had suffered from Loss Of Hearing for many years. My Grandpa Roy, dealt with the same and I wonder just how many more of my Kinfolk suffered from Hearing Loss and I consider is it quite possible that my Kinfolks had the Meniere's too.

I knew weeks if not months ago that there was something heading this way with the cut and snip of my head. Shoot, I forgot how accurate and damned painful these premonitions can be.

Dear Health Care Professional's, A Note

Dear Health Care Professionals,

Please note: I address this to all "Health Care Professionals", who have been and or are a member of my Better Health, Mind, and Body Care Team. I truly wish this to be read by every Professional in my care because of what I experienced at a recent Medical Appointment that is something no patient should ever have to hear, feel or to be instructed to do.

When a patient asks a Medical Health Care Professional a question, I as a patient expects an answer from the Health Care Professional...

...I have never expected to be instructed to go to the Internet. Never! Until one day recently.

It is of my thoughts that no ordinary person would have taken too kindly to this type of conduct by a Professional. I did not take too kindly to the matter, but was in a very poor state with the wretched back pain and the thought of injections to my face was a lot of stress from out of the blue clear sky. I was never informed about what type of procedure I was going to be having. I am so stoked for the next series of injections, now that I know what they are and where they will be shot. I am blessed to have these types of medication to assist me with a better day to day way of life, but Sir., somebody dropped the ball somewhere with respects to communications between patient and my Health Care Team.

The next visit, I should be blessed with same doctor, maybe we have a face to face about this.

If I'm not mistaken, this falls under Doctor, Physician, Nurse and other Health Care Professioanl Codes of Conduct. How in the world would any Health Care Professional utter such rubbish. "Read about it on the Internet", as a response to a question. No Ma'am. Not me.

Oops, two times. One time buried on Monday. Now to establish this as a breach of patient trust and mend the relationship becomes an urgency. Trust must not be sabotaged. Ever. I trust doc is new and is learning. If not, then we will have a face to face. I have no more to say.

Toss Me A Bone, Something, Please?

Wow.

Seems a lot like deja vu all over again, again

I've worn these shoes before I know, but damn it -

throw the brother a bone already. Or something, please?

The left side of my head wants to pain me to a point where my body chemistry is creating 'pain blockers' or something like that, because this shit on the side of my head hurts like a pain one would know only by having experienced same same before. Seen? I mean, it's not every day that Folks have a piece of their scalp removed, true. I am nauseated and am very uncomfortable. I have attempted to sleep, music therapy, medicine prescribed for me, and I am still in a painful state, I am wide awake and my ears both are full of sound and noise.

I mean, it's not in my repertoire' to be having BOTOX injections about my scalp and face and a chunk of my body sniped off in a matter of three days. Honey's, I don't know any one but me, who would do this and listen here, I am damned okay with this too. Yes, here we are and I am here hanging tough. I must. Even with this horrendously painful wound, I know that I must keep on going...

...it's in the blood.

Speaking of which, He-Who-Touched-My-Brain, assisted the cause by cauterizing the site of flesh removal, and yes, I had been injected with some sort of local anesthesia at the site. Cut-cut, snip-snip, oh what a relief it is. I hope. And I pray, because I do not want to stop and count the amount of operations, surgeries and procedures, which are surgeries conducted in clinic. I actually prefer this method of attacking this Meniere's. I dread hospital stays. Yeah? Yes, Sir.

Meniere's And The Throbbing Pain

The best I can describe the pain coming from my scalp behind my left ear and right close to my implant, is that it is throbbing and seems to have a pulse of it's own. I tried laying down to drift off to dream world but Meniere's and this wound is seeing none of that. Both of my ears are screeching with random sounds and noises, from beeps to cicadas and crickets and the roar of a jet engine parked out back.

I do not have any product to apply to this new wound on an old wound except the ointment bactroban, something along a cream and such kind of medication right there. No stitches. No pills. A brilliant open wound, with medicinal cream and all wide open for all to see. Gross matter, en'it?

One year ago this month, 22 March 2012 to be exact, He-Who-Touched-My-Brain, had me in hospital and removed a chunk of my flesh from this same spot. It is the same site that never ever did heal from the surgery's we had last June. Damn near to the day, we have had another procedure to remove another small chunk-of-flesh, from the same area of my head. I wish my hair would grow with as much fury as this flesh on my skull...

...my thick ass scalp and my hard damned head. I must have been a Ram in a previous life.

I have sweat off and on all day. I have had the sounds in both ears since waking this morning, non-stop from then until this instant. The same old song and dance with the symptoms: nausea, gagging, the sweats, dizziness that at times awkwardly influenced every step I took. Oh, what a day. Oh, what a day it has been.

I am still having pains in my neck and in areas of my head. The BOTOX injections have not taken root yet. Speaking of which, I am beginning to see ever so slight changes on my face and feel change in my muscles in the neck and shoulders. The nerves in my scalp. Today's procedure has set me back none as far as I can tell. I mean, other than this damned throbbing.

The nerves in my scalp on the left side of my head where my two deaf ears live, scream, Mary.

Procedure Done In Clinic, Cuts of Human Flesh

Am home from procedure at Doctor He-Who-Touched-My-Brain. I have not seen it, the wound site yet and am not in the mood to do so at this moment. Maybe later. I've been a wee bit unsteady this week and have my left imagination to speculate for me the appearance of freshly snipped human flesh. Freshly cut flesh. Yummy. I will be placing an ointment on the site two times daily for two weeks, then we have a face to face. Doctor is optimistic about the out come. Me too...

...but I've sat here before, you see. Truly and perhaps not wearing these particular pair of moccasin's, them others were a different pair. The ones I am wearing now are my favorite pair ever and are fitting me well. I feel good with my steps and have a purpose and I am strong with the trust and faith that what He-Who-Touched-My-Brain and I are doing. What it is that we are accomplishing as a Team. As far as I m concerned, this has been just another step in the direction of dealing with this Meniere's my face to the disease. Not the Meniere's looking at my face.

Having this procedure today was the correct thing to do. Seen. Soon I'll be able to wear my BAHA, the Bone Anchored Hearing Aid without any flesh in the way of the processor. I am okay with this. I have absolutely no doubt that this was the right thing to do.

Blessed to have such a Team there at He-Who-Touched-My-Brain's clinic, The Tampa Bay Hearing And Balance Center. Blessed indeed. I love and sense a connection with every person involved with my care there. Even them who are not associated with my care are caring, respectful and always so family like. As if we're all Kinfolk. Yes, I like that.

Was able to spend time with the in-laws today as it was them who took me to Tampa General Hospital. I enjoyed the conversation and enjoyed them playing the verbal tennis. Fun stuff, I say listening to the two go back and forth. Bless their hearts.

The cut is beginning to act up, so or now, I'll call a time to call a time out. Peace.

Meniere's Today: 11 March 2013

Kind One's,

I am here attempting to settle and gain some sense of the direction of this Meniere's rubbish that has played such an ugly and frustrating part of my day today. From the moment I awoke, I wiggled my toes, smiled and waited for my right good-bad ear to wake up - I have been troubled by the Meniere's Disease. This is not uncommon with my Meniere's, this morning was not the first time I woke up before my ear and I am positive it won't be the last. I am not being overly sensitive on this subject neither, it is just a matter of fact that one day I will wake up and wait for the remainder of my days here on Mother Earth, for it to decide to wake. It is a stressful scenario, a bitter knowing because of the many times my right ear has switched off and the way I wake and it can be one heck of an ugly way to have to stir first thing in the morning, but this waiting has become a part of my life. No, I do not want to be Deaf, but I am forced to have to look at this as a serious potential in my future. There's nothing I can do but prepare, and sadly a huge chunk of this preparation was dashed with one conversation. There will be more talks, I know this so I am not giving up. My counselor and I have had one follow up talk about the conversation informing me that classes would not be paid for. This talk had been made by several representatives in my Team Circle. This is very frustrating. My dear reader, imagine such a betrayal and a snap shot of my disappoint is crystal clear.

I am clear on today's Meniere's Disease symptoms. The nausea has been problematic, I vomited into my mouth twice. Once in Hospital and second on my way home post procedure. I have been dizzy for most of my life today and am dizzy at this moment. I am perspiring and have been at some range of perspiration, sweating and misting all day. All damned day, I have sweat.

The roaring noises have affected both of my ears today. Both the Left Deaf and the Good-Bad Right Ear. Wait one second, let me share something before I forget it. Today during the BOTOX Procedure, I was able to hear one particular injection that was nearest to my implant. I am curious now as to whether this is what pulled the trigger on my going into shock. Yes, BOTOX. Which is the injection of choice by She-With-Many-Names, a series of three multiple BOTOX injections to aid with the facial spasms, the cluster pains and the numerous neurologically related issues. Of which, are issues related to the Meniere's because of the numerous surgeries, operations and procedures I have had because of the Meniere's Disease. Come day after tomorrow, I shall have my scalp examined by He-Who-Touched-My-Brain, if he sees fit to cut my skull again, I will say yes again.

My Team's and I are not stopping now. Even with the Meniere's Disease, it's cornucopia of symptoms and these tortured pains that I have lived with for years and so very many years, there will be no quitting. Seen.

In retrospect, it just about makes me sick to know that I have suffered so needlessly for these very same damned years. No, we're not stopping and most importantly, I'm not going to stop...

...the doctor administering the BOTOX injections asked me when I went into 'wuss mode' if I wanted to stop. My exact reply was "fuck no, Doc., were not stopping this shit now". For real. I believe that if I were to stop my forward motion, the Meniere's Disease would be victorious. Not I.

BOTOX Injections Into My Face

Kindred,

I'm going to make this message as brief as possible. That being said, I feel my mind traveling at a rapid pace. Not quite manic, but near. So much went on today at the Tampa General Hospital and Rehabilitation Center and this is a mighty large medical compound. I had to walk from Rehab Center through Tampa General to get to the Medical Office Tower where my sister works. By the time I got to her I was in a dreadful state. What a freaking combination of Menier'es symptoms, pains in my neck and shoulder and pains serve in my lower back. A true mess.

The BOTOX injections were many and I had to call a time out because I knew I was headed towards a dangerous place. If I had permitted the doctor to continue, there is no doubt I would have gone into shock. I was heading there full speed ahead and deep inside I knew it was the right thing to do, because, my dear reader, I was having BOTOX, injected onto, into, and through my face! Oh My God no, I had not a clue that these series of BOTOX injections included several shots to the face. My dearest Kind One, a doctor I had not met before administered the injections and he kept assuring me that I was doing good and this and that, while along inside and out, I was melting...

...so, I called a time out. After a spell, I dusted my large ass off, caught my breath, stopped sweating and asked the Handsome-Young-Doctor, who is former US Army, served in Germany like I did and to boot, had also participated in Reforger's while there.

I am sweating heavily and am dizzy. The Meniere's has wanted to act stupid all damned day. And it has. I am very uncomfortable with lower back issues, yes. a part of my medical history. Muscle Spasms besides. Yes, that's some stuff, en'it? To get back spasms, lower and upper, to get spasms in my neck and shoulders, spasms of my lungs, legs, feet, hands and most horribly the facial spasms. God Bless America. I can't tell no difference yet from this BOTOX, at this very moment I have pain in my neck and the left side of my scalp. I want to vomit.

Prepared For Procedure At Hospital

I am prepared for my Lil' Short Blue Bus ride to Tampa General Hospital.

Today, I shall meet with She-With-Many-Names and Dr. Good Fellow. I shall also be receiving a series of Botox injections into my scalp, neck and shoulder. I was all out eager last week, today the day of procedure, not too much. I am worried and a little frightful.

Yes, I, a grown ass man, frightful...

...I tell you it's true though. You can't know what shots in the head can do to grown ass people unless you have had the same experience. Oh shit, and I say God Bless America! No one knows what it is like to get a series of injections into one's ear chamber to know what that feels like.

Yes, God Bless America and God Bless my doctor's mind and hands.

I finally get Botox injections, but they're all in the wrong places and for goodness sake, I have wanted to experiment with Botox for years...

...well, I guess I'm getting them, eh?

The Lil' Bus is late and I am nervous. Let me go then.

Love, peace and more peace,

me

The Two-Faced-One's

For some reason, I continue to permit other people's negative and what I perceive to be putrid energy to affect my energy and the boundaries that are established. I do not appreciate the smell that comes from the mouths of fools who speak a two faced language. These folks know who they are because many of these negative ones in our lives just do. I am compelled to feel a sadness for these petty folk who are so enmeshed in their two faced-ness. I for one am able to feel and hear this in the voice of the face they are wearing at that particular time. Listen closely and one is able to hear it in the way they make their talk or communicate. Listen to the voices of the two-faced, listen, and watch the faces begin to emerge and how lies are fabricated in mid-breath to expand upon a particular story or another. It is as if the Two-Faced-Ones, are in a constant state of perpetuating their lies and the business of lieing to impress folks. I am unworthy of being impressed. Their family and them in "their" circle see this. They all already know this and are able to feel and smell it too.

Listen or not, the energy put out here in the Universe by these folks, affect us all. I know this.

Them who live in my circle are reminded about this negative energy. Daily, if I must. It is my business to make it so. Daily, if necessary. I will tell a person about their negative ways and their lies. Why be this way in my face? Why make lies and mislead? If the Two-Faced-One's do not understand my message, then lessons are learned from all Folks involved.

There is enough negativity in this world. There is so too much War. Still, so much Genocide. The  corruptions and prejudice. I grow more and more exhausted by the Two-Faced-One's. To have this be a part of one's day to day is a task that feels like taking on water in a boat. The more I bail out  the more futile the situation becomes.

By the way, I am not speaking of them who are the "Two Spirit's". These are two distinctly different types of Folks. Them with Two Spirit's, are actually a much more cheerful and happier sort. These are the folks and their Spirit's, who very freely disperse their positive and happy, "glad to be around you energy".

I am sickened physically by decisions I have had to make lately and am beginning to become seriously sensitive to the energies put out here by these people. It is a constant battle of the same talk time and time again.

Today is a good day to die.

Sir Dude, I Do It And Move Along, That's All

Earlier today I heard a very sad and lone lower toned moan. A One in sadness? Or mourning. This took place prior to my session with Sir Dude, my therapist. I did not mention the audio hallucination, but I did utter the words, "I have been in mourning", to my therapist. I suspect Sir., could not wrap his brains around what I was communicating when I shared that some folks with negative energy's and influence's and them who lie or play with my emotions are being eliminated from my circles, and that I continue to establish good, healthy and sound boundaries with others. My brother, as a Man to a Man, you would no sooner be in friendship with One who had ill intentions or associate with One who has time and time again lied to your face. No, Sir., I just don't see that as a part of your character. Your integrity is sound and steadfast. I respect this and believe you have influence me in ways that I have not yet grasped a hold of. Thank you.
Sir Dude, them who live contrary need not be in my circles or for that matter, even near My Path.

I am living on purpose.

On My Path, Life Happens. I decide how or what it is I am to do - I do it and move along. I have learned the hard way that some fools never learn. I know this as a fact, because I can offer testament to my fool hardy days and nights. (Lord, forgive me please) But yes, I was once one of the greatest fools I ever knew. True Story. Seen?

I have never been the divorcing type of Man, but I be a son-of-a-bitch, if I didn't learn just not too long ago that sometimes I just have to cut it and count my loses. Count my blessing's. I'm not afraid anymore folks. For shits sake, I have let folks, harm me, molest me, hurt me, lie to me and dangle their pretty little baby carrots in front of me and tease me. I'm not their fool. No mas. 

I am living my life with full intentions. Con mucho gusto!

This I hope, might offer a bit of insight into what it is I believe to be healthy separation's with the additions of very sound boundaries. Not only to you, Sir Dude, my right good therapist, but also to the reader. In my Center, I am at a place of clarity, I see that sometimes good enough just ain't good enough. I have no damned business continuing to permit any peoples, young and older play with my emotions. No. Not and damned any more. Eh?

Fi-ya, Fi-ya, play with fi-ya, ya get burned by da fi-ya. True, yea, it is true, yea too, dat where dare is smoke dare is fi-ya. Seen. Some da fools nevah stop. Nevah, dey smell it, ta it's ta late. Same dees dat have no ears - no eyes. Fools don't see, same no hear. Wretched one's. Be off. Go on.

Therapy, A Brain Flossing And Mental Enema

Relations,

I had my session with my therapist this afternoon, and Sir Dude, was aware and present. He provided me with a damned good brain floss and mental enema too boot. My shoes seem to fit a bit differently and my Oneness is a bit more at ease. The brilliant thing about this, is that my right good therapist knows this about me. He knows I trust him and today we provided one and another a visual on just how much of my trust is vested in him. The brother knows me. What can I say? Same is true with my doctors, their assistants and staff members know me, my counselor's with Vocational Rehab know me too, and across the board we are all on the same page. The is no room for bull shit here. If I even begin to feel something is throwing me off balance, I attend to the matter with an urgency. You see, I do this because this is what is keeping me alive. I read. I watch and I listen. Perhaps there are times when I take things seriously, perhaps then, there are times when it is the right thing to do, for me to take my better state of mind, body and Spirit, seriously. Seen?

With this damned good brain floss and emotional enema, we were able to get into the nooks and crevices between the folds of my brains. I might have gotten in there so good that there is some bleeding going on up here. Speaking of which, I kept getting terrible cluster pains on the left corner of the crown of my head, between my scalp and skull. That's how good we worked this emotional shit today and I worked hard.

There remains this feeling that I left something undone or this feeling that I forgot to share something. As if there was a piece of a home work assignment that was misplaced creating a work that is incomplete. I reckon that this is why sometimes I still feel so insecure, even with what I would consider an above average meeting. I am speculating that the disappoint with Vocational Rehabilitation, and the emotions that were stirred by this, set me up for some pretty ugly self talk. I know this. Yet, even with the knowing, this is from where the insecurity stems. Where my emotions and my self talk live.

Ma'am, I have had grown folks play with my emotions all of my damned life. I mean from Kinfolk on through to complete entrusted friends and Kindred. I just don't have time for that any more. Folks who play with folks emotions are no longer welcomed in my life or even in my circle for that matter. It's simple like that and it clears the air of any misunderstandings. Don't lie, don't bull shit me and do not play with my emotions. I am sure and secure with establishing these as boundaries.

I just wish my self talk was as simple.

Sir Dude, My Therapist And My Third Appointment Of The Week

Kind One's,

I have big plans for my gathering with Sir Dude at his office tomorrow. This visit will be the third of the week and how apropos that this would be with my therapist. I am fit for an excellent mental enema. I swear I am. It really has been a spell since my last one, so this is quite fitting. Timely too, as these past three weeks have been mega emotional for me and I have spent much time crying and shedding more and more tears. (My ears are roaring bad. Similar to what I would experience sometimes after an awesome concert). I am certain that there is no need for an increase in any medications or a visit with anybody else's psychiatrist to be involved with me and my life. There's enough therapists, counselors, doctor's and friends in the field I can reach out to. Sir Dude, please prepare for one Mental Flossing and that excellent mental enema, alright? Okay? Sir Dude?

I am not afraid of these tears. There is a Warrior and a rather strong Survivor sitting here. I want to think of these tears as if they are an investment in my emotional futures. I say futures because I look forward to what it is that is before me on this path. I am eager to see with my own four eyes what it is my investments bring back to this address. Fuck Folk, I have been working so hard to get back to right here. Right at this point on this date 07 March 2013. There have been so many victories and so much gained. Lives have been changed. Especially this writers.

Yes, I do see and smell issues ahead and realize that there will be many more bridges to cross. So I will cross each one as I get to it. For now, there is much more to do, much more to prepare for, by me for I and my emotional and physical futures. Making changes for the betterment in life. So, I work hard. And then, even harder, because I have been told too many times by too many Kin that I can not. Bull Dung. Personally, I don't have time for that negative energy around me - this is a motivating factor in change of Neurologist. No doubt a very large deciding factor. That in itself was a huge step ahead for me, you see? I had remained loyal to a practice not loyal to me, so I did what I had to do. Done for the betterment of me and the advancement of my Emotional State of Health, which then flows into the betterment of my Physical State of Being. Sir Dude!

The MRI at University of South Florida at Tampa General Hospital

I had what I would consider an above average experience with the three staff members I met with the University of South Florida Radiology Department at the Tampa General Hospital. Ms A., the person I met at front desk was curtious and friendly. Miss. B., the MRI Tech., was superb. Even providing me the opportunity to bust out of my anxiety and claustrophobic mentality. By the way, just in case one would not know this, I was medicated. Took one tab prior to leaving the lodge and another prior to the MRI. This being close to the one dozenth in four years. True. Seen.

Once inside the room and sitting, I noticed the Hannibal, metal cage face mask that I would have to wear for the filming. Of which, I think was the visual clue that set into motion the added anxiety and to initiate claustrophobia with a quickness. Kindred, I hate that trap something dreadful! Something awful, I promise. With this MRI,  particularly the metal cage face mask did not require I be fastened to the contraption, like the one at the Memorial Hospital and the one at Memorial touched my face. Not this one at USF at TGH. Thank you Great Spirit.

For me, the idea of being 'stuffed' into a tube is like over stuffing the casing of sausage. My shoulders brush the entry way and are so broad my upper arms literally are squished into these bastard damned grand medicine machines that are also torture chambers for folks like me. Hm?

My mind ventured out and about a couple or thrice times. One was so utterly horrifying that I had to say my "Hail Mary's", and my "Our Father's", to catch myself and my breath. I could not bring in my inhaler so I practiced breathing exercises while praying. Repeating too, this is not a coffin, this is not a coffin, God, this is not a coffin. All the while listening to the voices and sounds in my Deaf left ear. Excuse me, now that I think about it, the one thing I think was a negative experience were the ear plugs, I don't know if it is the quality used or that I did not have them both inserted correctly. The left one slowly but surely began a process of removing itself from my Deaf ear and the right plug was not inserted properly because I didn't get much protection. There were times the discomfort became more like pain and got so bad I waited for blood. Both ear drums are bruised and both roar with a loudness, even six hours or so later.

I Hear Dead People

Kind One's,

I have noticed that one Kindred found my Path by the key words, 'hearing dead people'. That is so genuinely amazing to me and am so blessed to have had the reader come visit for a minute or two.

Thank you, Kind Reader, and I will share that yes, I have listened to the voices of dead people. Sometimes for too much, too long and too many voices. I consider that this could in fact be a Meniere's Disease Sound Symptom, that or an awesome Voice Psychosis, because it is still not unusual for me to hear and listen to voices in what I perceive to be other parts of this House Of Seven Windows. These are random, I might be anywhere in my home - even while in the shower, and I have listened to the voices of people no longer here. I have heard the voices of children and adults - sometimes as clear as a blue clear sky. I have heard my Mom, call my name out loud...

...I have also considered the Blessings and Gifts bestowed upon me by Great Spirit. I know that sometimes I see things other Folks do not. Sometimes, I see too clearly One's aura and or am able to sense a persons agenda. It has always been too easy for me to pick up the intentions and energy's of others as well. Oh, no, I am not complaining at all, it's just that it makes sense to me that if I have the Blessings and Gifts of Vision, then maybe it is same gift for me to hear the Voices of them crossed over.

Very interesting and so very awesome how it is we cross our Paths.

Walk in beauty and may peace be with one always.

Mario's Path

.

Railroad Crossing Then And Now Old Then New, A Meniere's Disease Sound Symptom

Kindred,

This video provides two different Meniere's Disease Sound Symptoms that I pick up in my left Deaf ear and my right good-bad ear. We have traveled this road on way to festivals.

The sounds of the trains are the same sounds I hear in my back yard. No, not three miles up the damned boulevard - in my back yard. As in outside of my bedroom window. Have had this effect from minutes to over an hour. The ding-ding-ding of a railroad crossing is also a Meniere's Disease Sound Symptom. One that I hear fairly often. Yet, quite randomly too. Like both ears.

Unfortunate News From Vocational Rehabilitation

Kind One's,

I have been provided information that leads me to believe that Vocational Rehabilitation, will not be assisting me with getting American Sign Language classes. The disappoint is heavy in my heart right now and I'm trying still to figure how it is that certain policy dictates that "because", this will not be a career, Voc. Rehab. will not being paying for American Sign Language class.

Folks, this was a very primary reason I began this process back last Fall. I've been shattered.

Something my counselor wanted to talk about when I telephoned her earlier, to keep her in the loop with my health and doctors, was a work plan. Wait. I'm not comprehending. I did share with her that I plan on being Deaf. This is unfortunate news from Vocational Rehabilitation.

Ms. K., my counselor from Voc. Rehab and Ms. S., from another vocational company on 21 March, will have their faces in my face and we will have good talks. We will go over number's - my dumb as a box-of-rocks numbers and discuss Work Plan's. Honey's wait...

...I'm just not too happy right now. I honestly think, believe and feel as if somewhere something was said by someone and some Folks, and now, I learn these may have been words spoken through the corner of one's mouth. What? No, please no. Not this same bull shit pattern that has followed me all of my whole God damned life. What? Really? Sir Dude?

Um, look. I have gone this far with very much gusto and motivation. I have moved and hustled to get where we are at with my Vocational Rehabilitation. I have participated from the day one and have participated in areas way outside of my comfort zones. All with a desire to have good things happen. This is not good thing at all. And there is an empty feeling in a physical way in my chest. For shit's sake, I have cried enough and these are not the tears of depression, these are tears of desperation. Well, I wonder, does it matter? My Dreams shattered. Word.

BAHA Related, A Visit With He-Who-Touched-My-Brain, "My Meniere's Disease Experience"

Kindred,

Just got in from seeing He-Who-Touched-My-Brain, a bit ago. Had a nice afternoon with the In-Laws who provided the transport and conversation. Good times.

Doctor had ordered I come to clinic when I spoke with him on Saturday. He-Who, wanted to see the site where the lump is and what it was that was going on at the site of implant and site of several surgeries. Doctor was able to see the slit from whence it was I had skull juice and blood drain from my scalp and was also able to see where the lump is redeveloping. He took photo's, poked about and has prescribed an anti-biotic. He-Who, requests I continue to place post surgery ointment to the site and see him in a week or two. So, we'll see one and another come nine days out. My Good Right Doctor, states that if the site does not improve between now and our next visit he is going to "cut it". I knew this. Already and was expecting the procedure today. Hip-Hip! No cutting it today! Lord, I don't know if I particularly like the concept of another "cut it" piece. You see, for me and my dear bobble head, scalp, and skull, all of this is rather routine and an intricate part of My Meniere's Disease Experience. It is meant to be that He-Who-Touched-My-Brain and I have "cut it" sessions periodically. I feel bad in my heart for my doctor, I feel as I am his problem child. True.

America, look, I am already well beyond the phases and phrases of recognizing and sharing how I am aware I could have things much worse. I've known this too and strangely enough, just this afternoon, I shared that thought with She-Who-Is-Strong-Minded, because she stated , "you just can't get a break". I noticed how this has become like a breathe for me because I've said it so fucking often. Instead of saying thank you or instead of remaining quiet I felt compelled to utter those same words, "it could be worse". Folks, I really just had this one huge light bulb moment right here. Wow. Any way's, yes, yes, and damn it yes, all of that sure could be, but let me share this with you my reader real quick like, there comes a point when this shit gets so deep that I contemplate and let wonder the thoughts of Kindred in the very same clinic as I and I notice their circumstances are different than mine. Their diagnosis are their diagnosis's - not mine, and my Kindred, these Folks deal with their reasons for being at Tampa Bay Hearing And Balance Centre, as they see fit. No, not all of us have implants, a BAHA or the Cochlear Implant here. It's not a circus of freaks like me there...

...I've only seen one other with a BAHA, the Bone Anchored Hearing Aid.

My Meniere's Disease Experience, has opened my eyes and my Spirit's to things I would have never even knew existed. Shit, that I would have never thought of or imagined. My Meniere's Disease Experience has been contrary. "It", has been different, more difficult and more complicated than the majority of Kindred with same diagnosis here at the Clinic. I know this. Things are said, things are over heard. Folks talk...

...Life Happens.

Today, I realized just how much I have attempted to minimize what "It" is that dwells within me. This deaf ear that I listen to the sounds and noises with - a right ear that is sometimes so Hard of Hearing, I wish for ear plugs to block out all of the crazy making noises and sounds, which would then be problematic because of the sounds and noises from within. My third ear, the BAHA's implant and abutment is pained and passes fluid. And then, we have the lumps on my scalp at the site of implant that has required several surgeries. We're back here again, I say as I feel the tinge of nerves near the lump hurt my scalp. We're back to the place where He-Who-Touched-My-Brain, wants to "cut it". Which I will so gladly approve and am eager because all I want is to have is a healthy head. Right. A healthy scalp and I just  think of this; there is a percentage of my scalp that has been surgically removed. I've got this satellite dish looking area here on the bottom left rear part of my extra large and extra thick bobble head. In the middle of the dish is where my implant lives. A few inches above and nearer to my temple is where my titanium plate lives.

Looking back, I regret no "cut It" today. I just want this pain and hideous lump to go away.

As of today, no more minimizing. None. Seen. I am the Survivor. I am the Warrior!

Me, and My Meniere's Disease Experience, I say, and acknowledge this is but the tip of the ice berg when it comes to symptoms and issues of Meniere's Disease that I live and let live with daily. Daily = every damned day.

My Meniere's Disease Experience

Basic Math & Pre-Algebra FOR DUMMIES and This Dummy

Kind One's,

Welcome.

I wanted to share with the Reader that my spouse and I while out running two or four errands yesterday stopped by the only remaining Big Box Book Store and picked up the books, " The Constitution of the United States of America with the Declaration of Independence and "Basic Math & Pre-Algebra FOR DUMMIES"...

...well, this dummy here is going to go about this whole 'deficient in math' thing to the text books and relearn the Math. Re-Familiarization with the Mathematica's, to reference and read to learn. A need to learn and fill my thoughts with other matters...

...a Re-introduction to Math Via Text Book as a Fifty Three Year Old Dummy, thing.

Cue laughter and applause. As in the "canned laughter and applause" of sitcom's and what not.

There is a bit of excitement here. Really! If this dummy sitting here tip-tapping and I can pick up enough Math real quick, then maybe that Associates Degree isn't so far off after all. Working text book along with Internet encyclopedias, You Tube and other sites, I suspect we're going to bust up the math and make a difference.

I read the dictionary a couple of years ago - cover to cover for the thrill of it. Within the past year or so I also read The Constitution of the United States of America and the Declaration of Independence. I'm re-reading this "story" right here.

I believe I can work this right here!

Dear Folks At Fossil

Dearest Folks at Fossil,

i wanted to drop a few lines to let you know I have been having a blast promoting your Fossil product. I wear your product and am glad to have the opportunity to share my appreciation for your watches. I am a very satisfied and happy customer.

Sadly, I do not believe our accounts and financial matters are being dealt with in a proper manner or within a timely fashion.

I have never been paid for doing this for Fossil and have been doing this as long as ad sense hit the market. It doesn't matter if I get paid really, I just feel a bit set back with the lack of communications with some party we are both affiliated with.

Go Fossil! Go and have crazy grand success.

Warmly,
Mario

John Denver- Rocky Mountain High Lyrics

Kind One's,

I wish to thank the person who placed lyrics with this song. I do not own this. I simply share this with Folks who can not hear or who are Hard of Hearing. I am Single Side Deaf and Hard of Hearing. I remember listening to and enjoying this song early in life. Listening to John was often like listening to a teacher sing. I have felt this in my heart and Spirit's since the first time both of my awesome good hearing ears heard this song...

...thus, sending me off in search of my own Grace with each step I took, and in turn shared what Grace I had learned on My Path with others. Many listened, some did not, and those decision's are not mine to make. We all walk our own Paths as we see fit. Seen.

My mountains are The Smokies, The Appalachians, are where I have made many life decisions and held many awesome ceremony. This is where many of my Kinfolk were born and we lived. I've seen the Eagle fly in the Sky here. My ancestor's created a heritage here.

Special prayers are sent to She-Who-Walks-With-Grace. My dear, you are in fact one heck of a teacher. It is apparent that you seek Grace, with every step you make. God Bless you both. Love.

Patient Confidentiality, A Quietly Loud Message

Dearest Health Care Professionals,

Please, please, please always error on the side of your patient when it comes to Patient Rights and Patient Confidentiality.

Never assume. Never ever assume that because some one is in the company of a patient, that that some one knows what the patient is going through on a 100% scenario. Maybe there are some thing's so ugly and hideous going on that the patient feels obliged to protect. My Right.

I share this message to the Health Care Professional quietly out loud.

Patient confidentiality is something that each and every one of you are required to obey and respect. You receive annual classes and in-services on the importance of Patient Rights and Patient Confidentiality. I know this and you see, for me, this is a "trust thing", some of you won't understand, but trust in my life and on My Path is paramount. My Word, is my Word and as it is that I believe your word is your word. Your handshake is an unspoken agreement that trust will be established or all going's on cease.

I have just recently had my Patient Confidentiality broken. I am aware quite by mistake, an error in judgement, yes, but none the less, a breach in our contract. I will have a good talk with this wonderful young lady and am positive that this is simply one of those "eye opener's" and she'll be more careful in the future...

...this is all I ask for.

My dearest Health Care Professionals, I know that the demands placed on you and the staff of every level of the Medical and Mental Health Field's are being taxed beyond measure. I wish to share my thanks and gratitude with you for what it is you do for us, the patient. Blessings.

!Meniere's and Neurologically Related! Contact With Vocational Rehab

I have not slept any over this past night. I am awake and am very uncomfortable. Yes, I have taken my daily medications, all of which have not helped the pain and the roaring sound and noises between my ears. Since it was yesterday and many days before I slept too much, I'm okay.

My left ear hurts and inside my ear if I press in softly it hurts like hell and I feel bruised and tender. I have had worm activity that has been exceptionally busy all night long. A wiggle-wiggle here and a wiggle-wiggle there. Damn it, America, what kind of shit is this? The pain's shooting through and about my left scalp have been problematic. And so painful. My neck and shoulders hurt, my left arm down to just about the elbow.

There's a lump growing at the site of implant. I have made a call to He-Who-Touched-My-Brain. I hope to hear from 'Vonn, sometime today. Doctor D., please Sir., hear my plea. Help.

This is also a note out to She-With-Many-Names, and Dr. Good Fellow. The newest and latest medicine seems to have made an about face with the assisting piece. I wonder if maybe it needs more time. I do not know. I do know that I am able to report that my left ear hurts and that I have had some mad worm activity going on up in the space between my scalp and my skull. I have had three Facial Spasms in the last day and last night. My left eye feels and looks gimped...

...through out most of the night I heard and listened to a steady tip-tap-tap-tip-tap. This sound effect would occur - last for fifteen or twenty minutes, ease up, go away and return. The roars of bee swarms by the tens of thousands and thousands more are so loud that nothing else is here.

Lady K., from Vocational Rehabilitation has just returned my call pertaining to all of the above. To include a talk about some of the reports prepared by Lady S., with Vocational Concepts and Folk's, I am so stoked! There are good numbers and Honey, there are some challenges too, but my Team Mates and I have this covered. I am blessed and I know this. Popcorn!