Relations, My Kindest Kinfolk and Kindred,
Please, let me share this with you. Many times in life and on this Path, I have been in the position to make or take a Blood Oath. Spoken or unspoken. It is something that is natural and real.
I bring this topic up tonight because of a pain I have felt in my heart heavy lately and it is something that lays heavy in my heart for not carrying out vengeance's for the murder of my kid brother David. He is always in my mind and on my heart. No Man on this Earth Mother could have been Blessed by Great Spirit, to have a brother as Special as Dave. All of my Spirit's hurt and remain in mourning for his passing and the subsequent passing of our Mom, one and one half year later. Of what was not spoken and I did not say it, but really believe that Mom passed over because of her broken heart. It was Mom who found Dave asleep in bed. Never to awaken again. My Mom and Dad's Rock, killed by the drug he carried in his body for friends and the fucking South American people that put him through this. His friends, who just happened to have been friends of our family led my brother astray. These people whom I and siblings have remembered. As they have also remembered us and remember of us.
Over these short few years I have been here on this beautiful planet, I have been the fortunate one to have crossed paths with Kinfolk and Kindred that ignites a flame deep within. Rather like an Eternal Flame, that shines brightly from within One's Core. What I speak of is not noble nor is it fool hearted. It is something that is taken seriously by we who believe and breathe this in our daily living. No, Kind One, I am not building up to a justification for blood shed or murder - I simply state that there are some who know what living by the Blood Oath smells like. Or what a Blood Oath taste's like.
A quick example would be for me to find an unfortunate fool in our Lodge uninvited. I would be institutionalized for what becomes of the individual. I need go any further.
Sir. Dude, my therapist and I have touched upon this subject a couple or few times. Yes, I have as a responsible citizen of these South Eastern, United States Of America, approached this topic in therapy. Presently and in the past. Not long after Dave passed I stuck my head into some therapy for a few weeks. Did the same when our Mom passed...
...because I knew that my dearest Mom had been murdered too. Her broken heart was a result of what happened to Dave and the betrayal of our family by "family friends". Look, it's just not one of those things that some one brushes off. For fucks sake. Knowing that Folks have gotten away with the murder of two Kinfolk really does play tricks on a persons mind. I know.
It is because of a promise I made to my Mom, that I have not been able to let this rest. There is a pause in my life that feels as if the Blood Oath was left incomplete. Or abandoned. This troubles me and has haunted me since 2001. As the eldest brother, it was my duty to seek revenge against them who perpetrated death onto my Kinfolk. The nearest one was not five doors down from where we once lived. The plans were always left in mind and never written down. There were plans. Plans never initiated.
Mom, did not want this. She wanted me to promise no violence. No revenge. So I promised.
Relations, there's a line that never gets crossed when it comes to Kinfolk and Kindred. I have placed myself between my family and a gun wielding Crack Head in South Tampa. I beat the shit out of a man who had snatched an Elder Woman's purse and attempted to Car Jack a Woman's car while her baby was in the back seat. That Mule attempted to stab me time and time again in the thigh - I was bruised but the screw driver never pierced my cord's. I mean to share, I beat the nonsense out of his ass too. On two different occasions while at the Gasparilla Parade, I ended up fighting along side of Tampa's finest because of intoxicated ass holes...
...as a youth, before and after the military, I put myself in harms way's because at those times, just as it was stated as truth and shared above, 'there's a line that never gets crossed when it comes to Kinfolk and Kindred'. It is a Blood Oath, and to them who came before me, the Blood Oath's were seriously taken and enforced.
I hope and pray that a day will come when I am able to let this anger and hatred of these people loose. As I hope and pray that someday I will be able to forgive them who perpetrated against me.
Until then, I await the news of their fate.
Enough said.
Sunday, September 30, 2012
Friday, September 28, 2012
One More Meniere's Title, A Form Of Remorse (?)
There's something that eats away at me slowly when I see my wife prepare for work or see her off to work. Little by little, this slowly eats away at something within my being. I can't seem to find it but am sure that it's up here some where.
There have been times when I've wept as I have seen her drive the Dodge down our cul-de-sac.
Sir Dude, gave this a name on out visit Thursday. Seems to have slipped my mind for now. I do remember "remorse" being a piece of what Sir Dude called it. Whatever it is called it hurts to the core. A grown ass man watching his wife drive off to work while the grown ass man stays at home. To task. Minor tasks at that, or garden. I do what I can for our home., for Botswana, my dear wife and our three hounds and two turtles.
I hate to bring up the 'normal' stuff again, but wouldn't I say that it's not normal when a Man remains at home while Mama goes work and busts her ass doing it. Working hard for her money. One next thing I say is this, if a man find his grown ass in a place similar to this and do nothing, well, the man is a lazy man. I keep self and mind busy when I have good strong days. I push and push many times to please the one who works. Yes, I receive pay. It is government pay for the one who has misfortune of becoming disabled. Such as I. I attempt to quantify my work by tasking. I task to make and keep tidy the Lodge and surrounding yards and gardens...
...but, you see, I am not so normal. I am cut from the fabric of One works hard for One's Kinfolk. I have been a tax paying citizen of this nation since 1973. Throughout my work carrier I remained in a managerial roll, throughout my life I hoped and prayed for good work. The money comes from the hard work. You see. There were times in the lives of my children I worked two jobs and facilitated two support groups. I am the working class. We, my Kindred, are the Working Class.
I thank my God, everyday for this Woman. Everyday I am reminded of how blessed I am. Seen.
There have been times when I've wept as I have seen her drive the Dodge down our cul-de-sac.
Sir Dude, gave this a name on out visit Thursday. Seems to have slipped my mind for now. I do remember "remorse" being a piece of what Sir Dude called it. Whatever it is called it hurts to the core. A grown ass man watching his wife drive off to work while the grown ass man stays at home. To task. Minor tasks at that, or garden. I do what I can for our home., for Botswana, my dear wife and our three hounds and two turtles.
I hate to bring up the 'normal' stuff again, but wouldn't I say that it's not normal when a Man remains at home while Mama goes work and busts her ass doing it. Working hard for her money. One next thing I say is this, if a man find his grown ass in a place similar to this and do nothing, well, the man is a lazy man. I keep self and mind busy when I have good strong days. I push and push many times to please the one who works. Yes, I receive pay. It is government pay for the one who has misfortune of becoming disabled. Such as I. I attempt to quantify my work by tasking. I task to make and keep tidy the Lodge and surrounding yards and gardens...
...but, you see, I am not so normal. I am cut from the fabric of One works hard for One's Kinfolk. I have been a tax paying citizen of this nation since 1973. Throughout my work carrier I remained in a managerial roll, throughout my life I hoped and prayed for good work. The money comes from the hard work. You see. There were times in the lives of my children I worked two jobs and facilitated two support groups. I am the working class. We, my Kindred, are the Working Class.
I thank my God, everyday for this Woman. Everyday I am reminded of how blessed I am. Seen.
Meniere's, OOS, As It Is
Good Afternoon Kindred,
I do wish to share that I did in fact retire for the evening as soon as dusk made it's presence known. I don't know clearly if my bed was so inviting because I had planned to rest at dusk or was it because of the exhaustion of the lack of sleep. Or was it the heat of the Sun that warmed my skin while in my gardens? Was it from the daily punishments of the Meniere's? Daily Visits.
This morning has brought with it a bit of melancholy. Just a lite blue and reflection too...
...woke up and layed in bed as I waited for my right ear to catch up with the remainder of my body in the waking process. Laying there talking within and to myself, contemplating what will life be like when it will be mine to live with a permanent state of quietness and silence. Considering, how will it be to communicate with grandchildren? How will it be to not listen to the voices of my Kin? My Wife? Too not have George Michael sing to me and me alone, again. What is it I will do to get by with no ears - even though these three are clearly attached to my head.
Listening to life and all it's musical notes are all I've ever known.
I have at times forgotten that I am Deaf on that left side. Odd yes, but it happens. It is weird to place the telephone receiver there and not hear a response to my 'peace'. This is the way I answer and bid adieu on the telephone. For my eye orbs it is still odd to look at my splendidly beautiful deaf left ear and say to myself, "Damn, dude, it sure is weird that I can't hear jack shit!". Out of sound is what the Cochlear Folks call it. Out Of Sound. OOS. I say it's deaf. Seen.
The feeling remains even after the glitter fades...
I do wish to share that I did in fact retire for the evening as soon as dusk made it's presence known. I don't know clearly if my bed was so inviting because I had planned to rest at dusk or was it because of the exhaustion of the lack of sleep. Or was it the heat of the Sun that warmed my skin while in my gardens? Was it from the daily punishments of the Meniere's? Daily Visits.
This morning has brought with it a bit of melancholy. Just a lite blue and reflection too...
...woke up and layed in bed as I waited for my right ear to catch up with the remainder of my body in the waking process. Laying there talking within and to myself, contemplating what will life be like when it will be mine to live with a permanent state of quietness and silence. Considering, how will it be to communicate with grandchildren? How will it be to not listen to the voices of my Kin? My Wife? Too not have George Michael sing to me and me alone, again. What is it I will do to get by with no ears - even though these three are clearly attached to my head.
Listening to life and all it's musical notes are all I've ever known.
I have at times forgotten that I am Deaf on that left side. Odd yes, but it happens. It is weird to place the telephone receiver there and not hear a response to my 'peace'. This is the way I answer and bid adieu on the telephone. For my eye orbs it is still odd to look at my splendidly beautiful deaf left ear and say to myself, "Damn, dude, it sure is weird that I can't hear jack shit!". Out of sound is what the Cochlear Folks call it. Out Of Sound. OOS. I say it's deaf. Seen.
The feeling remains even after the glitter fades...
Thursday, September 27, 2012
Hi Ho, Hi Ho, It's Off To Garden I Go
Relations,
Please, pardon me for removing myself from in front of this screen and keys.
Am in the mood to garden, so gardening is what I'll do for a spell.
Listen to the song of the different Feathered Cousins who live in the preserve and visit the sanctuary for a sip and a quick meal. On occasion, one will leave a small token of appreciation by providing me the gift of a feather. I collect them from the Earth Mother and place them onto the Big Pine in the South West yard. The tree is a happy tree when there are many different coloured feathers on it's trunk and it is a beautiful tree also.
Think I will visit my feather tree now that I think about it. Have a look and see at how my ferns have taken such a root, that they have spread throughout the tree's garden base. Amazing! I very recently introduced to Earth Mother an extraordinary very fine and petite fern. It looks as if it lived in a different time and place. Pre-historic type of fern - have seen fossils of these before even.
Let me go then, and I'll be back on shortly.
Hi Ho, Hi Ho, it's off to garden I go...
Much love, peace and more peace...
My Path, appears with blue clear sky. Thank you Great Spirit!
Please, pardon me for removing myself from in front of this screen and keys.
Am in the mood to garden, so gardening is what I'll do for a spell.
Listen to the song of the different Feathered Cousins who live in the preserve and visit the sanctuary for a sip and a quick meal. On occasion, one will leave a small token of appreciation by providing me the gift of a feather. I collect them from the Earth Mother and place them onto the Big Pine in the South West yard. The tree is a happy tree when there are many different coloured feathers on it's trunk and it is a beautiful tree also.
Think I will visit my feather tree now that I think about it. Have a look and see at how my ferns have taken such a root, that they have spread throughout the tree's garden base. Amazing! I very recently introduced to Earth Mother an extraordinary very fine and petite fern. It looks as if it lived in a different time and place. Pre-historic type of fern - have seen fossils of these before even.
Let me go then, and I'll be back on shortly.
Hi Ho, Hi Ho, it's off to garden I go...
Much love, peace and more peace...
My Path, appears with blue clear sky. Thank you Great Spirit!
A Meniere's Kind Of Morning
Relations,
Good Morning.
This communique is sent to reach out and chat with some one. I'm running on three hours sleep and am exhausted. My purpose today is to fight the sleep until dusk, then I'll return to Dream World. Until then, I just wish to talk about this Meniere's and this beautiful early Fall morning here on the West Coast of Florida.
Last night and up until 0430 I was awake. This is when I taught myself to fight this being a Zombie-For-A-Day rubbish and was able to get some rest and those three hours of sleep I mentioned. Yes, yes, I feel a wee bit Zombie-ish, but I'll make it. I have gone over forty hours with-out sleep before so what I feel right now is a certain calm. This new technique of 'focus to sleep', worked well for me this morning. I hope that when the next episode comes about I'll be able to use this same focus. It was so powerful that my body would convulse - so much so, my dear Brenda, abandoned our bed for the sofa in the large room...
...which is a symptom that will be discussed with He-Who-Touched-My-Brain and my neurologist. No, come on America, this shit isn't normal. Right. And I'm not the normal sort of fellow neither, but I mean, come on. I will contact both today.
Now then, the primary complaint during this Meniere's anomaly and episodes are the roaring and manipulating noises and sounds that come from between these two ears and an implant. So loud! So loud and with out ceasing that it is inhumane. I know this. There is simply not a thing that can be done at this point. It sometimes feels as if I have been sent on my way. Cut at the cord and sent along, but It really isn't such, because I know that my Better Health Care Team's at The Clinic, have my back. My ears, skull, and head that is...
...over the past twenty four hours I have had the loud and amplified sounds of The Swamp, six foot tall crickets, roaring Jet Fighters, an old familiar voice here or there, the beeping and the beeping's. This Morris Code has been too busy this day, hour to hour. I have also had this Choir like, Angelic, 'awwwwwwww'. Like the way I typed it, One would say it. Awwwwwwwwwww, long, loud and clear. And so on and so on. And on. These noises and sounds are a raunchy pain in my ass. Even if I may find myself entertained by them from time to time. This shit will drive a sane Man mad. Seen.
Truth. I know.
Over this same twenty four hours I have had nausea that rested smack dab in the middle of my throat. While reading last night, I vomited into my mouth - I thought I was going to burp. Other than that, there was no other activity. Just my burps and I. Hell, even at Sir Dude's office yesterday, I naturally began to burp to fight the nausea and hurling of chunks. All along knowing that all I had to do was to go stand in front of the commode and let Nature happen. Walking My Path, with constant nausea is not right and it just can't be normal. No pills - no aid. And yes, we have tried all forms of pills and capsules.
I may have lost a couple of extra pounds yesterday with the way I sweated and perspired. Misted. I was a sweaty mess several times throughout the day and well into the night. At this moment I am misting. There's this light build up of perspiration that's around my skull, fore head and neck. This is why, my Kin, I wear the bandannas. The Four Seasons and the year long I wear them and do not care what color I may wear. Although, red, blue and grey camo are my favorite colours. Way. Went through three t-shirts yesterday and am topless at this instant. No meds.
The dizziness was a raging nine earlier this morning. There was a time or two when I thought I was having a Meniere's, Vertigo Attack. I was blasted and plain unsure what was happening. Every once and again, I'll approach panic and debate on calling the 911 emergency number. Reflecting on that makes me think that there would probably be a bit of a Baker's Act involved, should things get that severe. Yes, there is and are medicines and medications that I take for this. Apparently, Meniere's Disease, shits on these very pretty in pink pills.
Now that I am here. I gather my thoughts...
...and as I see my reflexion on the snow covered mountain, I remember to keep on pushing. And I'll push until I drop. There have been times when I am asked not to push myself, to take it easy and rest. Honey, I'm fifty two. I'll rest when it is time for my Spirit's and Soul to move along. As far as pushing this ever-changing envelope, I will push until I know where and when 'too much is too much'. Until then, I'm going to push this shit to Deaf!
Just got off the telephone from She-Who-Walks-Tall. Great Spirit, I thank you with all of my life for the Blessing of having My Path cross with Hers. I thank you also with a Full Heart for She-Who-Walks-With-The-Cherokee's, for being our Earth Angel. I love them immensely and surly do not know where I would be today without them in my life. My Sweet Brenda, Mother of our two most beautiful daughters, has, as I am aware, been my everything since way before the Meniere's moved into our lives. To include the rolls of Doctor and Nurse. Mother and fellow earth Spirit too. Oh, my dear. I love you so much.
Today, is a good day to be alive.
Good Morning.
This communique is sent to reach out and chat with some one. I'm running on three hours sleep and am exhausted. My purpose today is to fight the sleep until dusk, then I'll return to Dream World. Until then, I just wish to talk about this Meniere's and this beautiful early Fall morning here on the West Coast of Florida.
Last night and up until 0430 I was awake. This is when I taught myself to fight this being a Zombie-For-A-Day rubbish and was able to get some rest and those three hours of sleep I mentioned. Yes, yes, I feel a wee bit Zombie-ish, but I'll make it. I have gone over forty hours with-out sleep before so what I feel right now is a certain calm. This new technique of 'focus to sleep', worked well for me this morning. I hope that when the next episode comes about I'll be able to use this same focus. It was so powerful that my body would convulse - so much so, my dear Brenda, abandoned our bed for the sofa in the large room...
...which is a symptom that will be discussed with He-Who-Touched-My-Brain and my neurologist. No, come on America, this shit isn't normal. Right. And I'm not the normal sort of fellow neither, but I mean, come on. I will contact both today.
Now then, the primary complaint during this Meniere's anomaly and episodes are the roaring and manipulating noises and sounds that come from between these two ears and an implant. So loud! So loud and with out ceasing that it is inhumane. I know this. There is simply not a thing that can be done at this point. It sometimes feels as if I have been sent on my way. Cut at the cord and sent along, but It really isn't such, because I know that my Better Health Care Team's at The Clinic, have my back. My ears, skull, and head that is...
...over the past twenty four hours I have had the loud and amplified sounds of The Swamp, six foot tall crickets, roaring Jet Fighters, an old familiar voice here or there, the beeping and the beeping's. This Morris Code has been too busy this day, hour to hour. I have also had this Choir like, Angelic, 'awwwwwwww'. Like the way I typed it, One would say it. Awwwwwwwwwww, long, loud and clear. And so on and so on. And on. These noises and sounds are a raunchy pain in my ass. Even if I may find myself entertained by them from time to time. This shit will drive a sane Man mad. Seen.
Truth. I know.
Over this same twenty four hours I have had nausea that rested smack dab in the middle of my throat. While reading last night, I vomited into my mouth - I thought I was going to burp. Other than that, there was no other activity. Just my burps and I. Hell, even at Sir Dude's office yesterday, I naturally began to burp to fight the nausea and hurling of chunks. All along knowing that all I had to do was to go stand in front of the commode and let Nature happen. Walking My Path, with constant nausea is not right and it just can't be normal. No pills - no aid. And yes, we have tried all forms of pills and capsules.
I may have lost a couple of extra pounds yesterday with the way I sweated and perspired. Misted. I was a sweaty mess several times throughout the day and well into the night. At this moment I am misting. There's this light build up of perspiration that's around my skull, fore head and neck. This is why, my Kin, I wear the bandannas. The Four Seasons and the year long I wear them and do not care what color I may wear. Although, red, blue and grey camo are my favorite colours. Way. Went through three t-shirts yesterday and am topless at this instant. No meds.
The dizziness was a raging nine earlier this morning. There was a time or two when I thought I was having a Meniere's, Vertigo Attack. I was blasted and plain unsure what was happening. Every once and again, I'll approach panic and debate on calling the 911 emergency number. Reflecting on that makes me think that there would probably be a bit of a Baker's Act involved, should things get that severe. Yes, there is and are medicines and medications that I take for this. Apparently, Meniere's Disease, shits on these very pretty in pink pills.
Now that I am here. I gather my thoughts...
...and as I see my reflexion on the snow covered mountain, I remember to keep on pushing. And I'll push until I drop. There have been times when I am asked not to push myself, to take it easy and rest. Honey, I'm fifty two. I'll rest when it is time for my Spirit's and Soul to move along. As far as pushing this ever-changing envelope, I will push until I know where and when 'too much is too much'. Until then, I'm going to push this shit to Deaf!
Just got off the telephone from She-Who-Walks-Tall. Great Spirit, I thank you with all of my life for the Blessing of having My Path cross with Hers. I thank you also with a Full Heart for She-Who-Walks-With-The-Cherokee's, for being our Earth Angel. I love them immensely and surly do not know where I would be today without them in my life. My Sweet Brenda, Mother of our two most beautiful daughters, has, as I am aware, been my everything since way before the Meniere's moved into our lives. To include the rolls of Doctor and Nurse. Mother and fellow earth Spirit too. Oh, my dear. I love you so much.
Today, is a good day to be alive.
Wednesday, September 26, 2012
Visited By A Dark Orb, A Meniere's Lesson
Earlier this evening I witnessed one Dark Orb pass right to my right in our dining room and straight out the lodge. I didn't say anything to the guest nor to my dear wife who would have ended up with the anxiety because of it. I reckon, this Orb was just running about and going about it's way rather than accept the Light...
...my dear, if only I had thought of that earlier.
There was no immanent danger or negative syncs from it. My poor guest was very sad I suspect.
This was my first Dark Orb. Of the thousands and thousands of Orbs I have been Blessed to witness, never had I seen one so dark. It was very interesting and I've learned a lesson by it's visit - it validated what my dear friend had said about a certain mantra and something my Sir Dude shared with me as Home Work, "less focus on fear of what other's think". I realize at this moment that I had permitted my self to grow Dark at sometimes during this Meniere's Disease rubbish. Being Dark for me was being so self critical, open to abuse and self harm. I have learned once again, my brothers and sisters, that I am my own keeper. I am busting through what was once a mental, emotional and psychological nightmare!
If I don't keep pushing - how far will I ever learn is too far? Seen.
Good Guest, My Dear Dark Orb, I wish you well along your journey. Thank you kindly for your visit and thank you even more for keeping this a brief chance crossing of our Paths. Do well and be well. I hope that the day will come when you will look at and accept the invitation of The Light.
Love, peace and more peace.
...my dear, if only I had thought of that earlier.
There was no immanent danger or negative syncs from it. My poor guest was very sad I suspect.
This was my first Dark Orb. Of the thousands and thousands of Orbs I have been Blessed to witness, never had I seen one so dark. It was very interesting and I've learned a lesson by it's visit - it validated what my dear friend had said about a certain mantra and something my Sir Dude shared with me as Home Work, "less focus on fear of what other's think". I realize at this moment that I had permitted my self to grow Dark at sometimes during this Meniere's Disease rubbish. Being Dark for me was being so self critical, open to abuse and self harm. I have learned once again, my brothers and sisters, that I am my own keeper. I am busting through what was once a mental, emotional and psychological nightmare!
If I don't keep pushing - how far will I ever learn is too far? Seen.
Good Guest, My Dear Dark Orb, I wish you well along your journey. Thank you kindly for your visit and thank you even more for keeping this a brief chance crossing of our Paths. Do well and be well. I hope that the day will come when you will look at and accept the invitation of The Light.
Love, peace and more peace.
Anti-Meniere's, A Safety And Security Plan
Relations,
This is my 'Safety and Security Plan, in my war against Meniere's Disease and my present Health status, it is a good thing to have in place. So, I'll share this with you...
...after one or two too many falls, endless bump-into-the-walls and how it is the furniture moves in my way right at the most inopportune moment, with my knees and chins looking as if I was on the Lady's Rugby Squad at the FSU. I've got scratch and dent's, cuts, and scars that I've just recently learnt to call my War Wounds. My Relations, I don't play with Folk's emotions. When I share that falling is absolutely horrifying, that is exactly what I mean to say. I'm a damned fifty two year old fellow and I am here to say that I have screamed as I have fallen. What? And yes, like a little gurl. I have fallen so many times I have forgotten how many times I have fallen. Home or away. A fall is a fall is a fall. It is just absolutely horrifying!
I wanted to share what it is I have done to make our Lodge a safer and more secure environment for my family and I. There is also another major purpose in implementing a Safety and Security Plan. This pertains to my safety with pre-meniere's attack symptoms, the actual vertigo attack and post attack symptoms and then all the days before and after them. Yes. It does make sense.
(My left Deaf ear just picked up something from the Morris Code. Very frantic and almost panic stricken. Russian KGB, have intercepted important information from the M15. The American FBI or CIA have not made any comment yet.)
Smile, and move along.
Inside Safety and Security:
A. Re-installed satellite Door Bell. Have missed guests because I can't hear the front door bell from the room right next to the large room. Which is the room where the door bell is located. Like, just feet away. Weird, but that's what happens. The satellite bell is immediately out of this room.
B. Have placed three night lights from the front door to the kitchen. This lights up my path to the ice box and this safe place wear I sit now.
C. Brenda, my wife, and BFFF, removed the Otto man from my path. Had actually bumped into it a couple of times - didn't think about moving it though. I've got to give all of that love to Mama.
D. Have replaced all batteries in all spot lights. In all rooms.
E. Additional door lock to be added to storm door and main door.
F. Keep hatchet, machete, and War Club and odds-n-ends at hands reach.
Outside Safety and Security:
A. Have created a "end of the cul-de-sac' neighbourhood watch. With an exchange of telephones and the what nots.
B. Keep "Beware Of Dog" sign way obvious and visible.
C. Three Hounds-A-Barking.
D. Replaced all Security Light or Flood Light bulbs.
E. The gate into East Yard remains secured at all times.
F. The gate leading to the pool is to be secured at all times.
G. I am to have at least one telephone on my person.
H. Have Emergency Contacts in place.
I. Front Porch lights to remain on throughout the night.
J. Additional lock to be added to Storm Door.
Note: There may be in the future additions to this Safety and Security Plan, but there shall never be deletions of stated matter. Should anyone wish to critique the Business Plan, please do. I would appreciate some good feed back and ideas.
Love, peace and more peace...
This is my 'Safety and Security Plan, in my war against Meniere's Disease and my present Health status, it is a good thing to have in place. So, I'll share this with you...
...after one or two too many falls, endless bump-into-the-walls and how it is the furniture moves in my way right at the most inopportune moment, with my knees and chins looking as if I was on the Lady's Rugby Squad at the FSU. I've got scratch and dent's, cuts, and scars that I've just recently learnt to call my War Wounds. My Relations, I don't play with Folk's emotions. When I share that falling is absolutely horrifying, that is exactly what I mean to say. I'm a damned fifty two year old fellow and I am here to say that I have screamed as I have fallen. What? And yes, like a little gurl. I have fallen so many times I have forgotten how many times I have fallen. Home or away. A fall is a fall is a fall. It is just absolutely horrifying!
I wanted to share what it is I have done to make our Lodge a safer and more secure environment for my family and I. There is also another major purpose in implementing a Safety and Security Plan. This pertains to my safety with pre-meniere's attack symptoms, the actual vertigo attack and post attack symptoms and then all the days before and after them. Yes. It does make sense.
(My left Deaf ear just picked up something from the Morris Code. Very frantic and almost panic stricken. Russian KGB, have intercepted important information from the M15. The American FBI or CIA have not made any comment yet.)
Smile, and move along.
Inside Safety and Security:
A. Re-installed satellite Door Bell. Have missed guests because I can't hear the front door bell from the room right next to the large room. Which is the room where the door bell is located. Like, just feet away. Weird, but that's what happens. The satellite bell is immediately out of this room.
B. Have placed three night lights from the front door to the kitchen. This lights up my path to the ice box and this safe place wear I sit now.
C. Brenda, my wife, and BFFF, removed the Otto man from my path. Had actually bumped into it a couple of times - didn't think about moving it though. I've got to give all of that love to Mama.
D. Have replaced all batteries in all spot lights. In all rooms.
E. Additional door lock to be added to storm door and main door.
F. Keep hatchet, machete, and War Club and odds-n-ends at hands reach.
Outside Safety and Security:
A. Have created a "end of the cul-de-sac' neighbourhood watch. With an exchange of telephones and the what nots.
B. Keep "Beware Of Dog" sign way obvious and visible.
C. Three Hounds-A-Barking.
D. Replaced all Security Light or Flood Light bulbs.
E. The gate into East Yard remains secured at all times.
F. The gate leading to the pool is to be secured at all times.
G. I am to have at least one telephone on my person.
H. Have Emergency Contacts in place.
I. Front Porch lights to remain on throughout the night.
J. Additional lock to be added to Storm Door.
Note: There may be in the future additions to this Safety and Security Plan, but there shall never be deletions of stated matter. Should anyone wish to critique the Business Plan, please do. I would appreciate some good feed back and ideas.
Love, peace and more peace...
My Plan Of Attack On The Meniere's Disease, Part I
Relations,
Good Evening,
There are a couple or few things I wanted to share with you, maybe a follow up or two.
One such follow up is touching base on the physical activity of using Bicep Curls as an exercise I enjoy doing and have recently created a plan for this type of exercise. Rather than be haphazard with my activity and not keep record or establish goals - was, well, haphazard. I committed to reach the Goal of 300 Bicep Curls daily on 18 September. I lightly touch base on the fact I have been lifting for quite some time and have been seeing the results of what was happening with my body. I have no idea how many I was curling prior to the number 300 came to mind - I wanted a number. A Goal with which to reach and from there extend and expand the Better Health Business Plan. I am surpassing 300 at present, yes I have had a couple of days when I made 270 or 280 curls, but I see some results based on a change I initiated just a few days ago. I have continued to walk as much and as often as I can. My adapting to the four-legged cane came in handy. My six legs and I will on occasion 'hit' the side-walks of suburbia and walk along a spell.
This, I share is a form of my attacking the Meniere's Disease face to face. And I have learned how to attack this invisible disease where I am able to celebrate small victories - when there has been so too much of my ass getting stomped by these symptoms of Meniere's. One who is a Warrior with a Cause has one thing in mind, and that is success. Victory. War Paints and scalps!
I have learned to to be more assertive with my approach in business matters. Not a bully aggressive a-hole type, just an individual who has learned to assert and be heard. With my vendors and them who are the bankers, doctors, places I do business with. Kindred, I say this, if I don't take up for my self - who will? I have an excellent relationship with my therapist, Sir Dude and I know who I might could call in a pinch...
...this right here is a sad story for me. Because I sure haven't seen or heard the telephone ringing off the hook with Folk's wanting to promise me this and or tell me that. There have been too many times when I could have used a hand, words were said, promises made and the results turned up negative. Thus, for me an ugly and quite negative drain on energies and vibrations, I have to cap that damned drain sometime. Seen. Like dandruff, I'm starting to brush it from my shoulders and move along. Now, I know and I consider this a component in my Battle with Meniere's. It is absolutely necessary that I pay much less attention to what Folk's say about me. Speaking of which, a dear life long friend, recommended today that I learn this certain mantra about this subject and then, Sir Dude, after session gave me a Home Work assignment that I am to have "less focus on fear of what other's think". Well then, now I know.
Part of this whole fucking Meniere's thing is learning to adapt to the Meniere's Disease and it's symptoms. No, there is no ever getting used to them. Who wants to hurl chunks at all times of day and night? I don't want to walk about so dizzy that I fear for my safety. I am not too sure if what I just said sounds correct, but I know what I mean. To battle this disease I see there will have to be times to look at it straight in the eye. As I have in fact done time and time again. Besides, my brothers and sisters, I have been a chameleon since childhood. A benefit of "The Mixed Bloodedness" that runs through these veins. See, for me this has always worked, adapting is what I had to learn during those years and years of Incest, Rape and Sexual Abuse. Adapting was Survival. It has come to a point in My Path that now is the time for me to have a plan in place for how this War and Battle's will work out. With me as the Victor.
I am beginning to truly embrace my implant, abutment and BAHA processor. BAHA, is Bone Anchored Hearing Aid. I am beginning to gain confidence when I wear it in public. My Great Day, there was a mighty long time there when this rubbish cut to the white meat something awful. Damned took those stares and comments so personnel. What can I say? For now, I'll focus on keeping my chin up and a smile on my face...
...bet-cha the Menier's will hate that! LOL!
I'll be off. I want to do some surplus bicep curls. BONUS! Will explain the emphasis on the bicep focus another communique.
Love, peace, and more peace........me
Good Evening,
There are a couple or few things I wanted to share with you, maybe a follow up or two.
One such follow up is touching base on the physical activity of using Bicep Curls as an exercise I enjoy doing and have recently created a plan for this type of exercise. Rather than be haphazard with my activity and not keep record or establish goals - was, well, haphazard. I committed to reach the Goal of 300 Bicep Curls daily on 18 September. I lightly touch base on the fact I have been lifting for quite some time and have been seeing the results of what was happening with my body. I have no idea how many I was curling prior to the number 300 came to mind - I wanted a number. A Goal with which to reach and from there extend and expand the Better Health Business Plan. I am surpassing 300 at present, yes I have had a couple of days when I made 270 or 280 curls, but I see some results based on a change I initiated just a few days ago. I have continued to walk as much and as often as I can. My adapting to the four-legged cane came in handy. My six legs and I will on occasion 'hit' the side-walks of suburbia and walk along a spell.
This, I share is a form of my attacking the Meniere's Disease face to face. And I have learned how to attack this invisible disease where I am able to celebrate small victories - when there has been so too much of my ass getting stomped by these symptoms of Meniere's. One who is a Warrior with a Cause has one thing in mind, and that is success. Victory. War Paints and scalps!
I have learned to to be more assertive with my approach in business matters. Not a bully aggressive a-hole type, just an individual who has learned to assert and be heard. With my vendors and them who are the bankers, doctors, places I do business with. Kindred, I say this, if I don't take up for my self - who will? I have an excellent relationship with my therapist, Sir Dude and I know who I might could call in a pinch...
...this right here is a sad story for me. Because I sure haven't seen or heard the telephone ringing off the hook with Folk's wanting to promise me this and or tell me that. There have been too many times when I could have used a hand, words were said, promises made and the results turned up negative. Thus, for me an ugly and quite negative drain on energies and vibrations, I have to cap that damned drain sometime. Seen. Like dandruff, I'm starting to brush it from my shoulders and move along. Now, I know and I consider this a component in my Battle with Meniere's. It is absolutely necessary that I pay much less attention to what Folk's say about me. Speaking of which, a dear life long friend, recommended today that I learn this certain mantra about this subject and then, Sir Dude, after session gave me a Home Work assignment that I am to have "less focus on fear of what other's think". Well then, now I know.
Part of this whole fucking Meniere's thing is learning to adapt to the Meniere's Disease and it's symptoms. No, there is no ever getting used to them. Who wants to hurl chunks at all times of day and night? I don't want to walk about so dizzy that I fear for my safety. I am not too sure if what I just said sounds correct, but I know what I mean. To battle this disease I see there will have to be times to look at it straight in the eye. As I have in fact done time and time again. Besides, my brothers and sisters, I have been a chameleon since childhood. A benefit of "The Mixed Bloodedness" that runs through these veins. See, for me this has always worked, adapting is what I had to learn during those years and years of Incest, Rape and Sexual Abuse. Adapting was Survival. It has come to a point in My Path that now is the time for me to have a plan in place for how this War and Battle's will work out. With me as the Victor.
I am beginning to truly embrace my implant, abutment and BAHA processor. BAHA, is Bone Anchored Hearing Aid. I am beginning to gain confidence when I wear it in public. My Great Day, there was a mighty long time there when this rubbish cut to the white meat something awful. Damned took those stares and comments so personnel. What can I say? For now, I'll focus on keeping my chin up and a smile on my face...
...bet-cha the Menier's will hate that! LOL!
I'll be off. I want to do some surplus bicep curls. BONUS! Will explain the emphasis on the bicep focus another communique.
Love, peace, and more peace........me
From The Archives: A Found Wallet
Greetings To All Kinfolk and Kindred,
This is an entry into one of my journals. I will enter this here as it was written on to the page of my journal. It is a glad thing for me that I have kept these journals. It is sad that as a teen, I felt it necessary to throw away my diary's. I suspect it was the fear of one of Kinfolk coming across it. Shit just wouldn't have been the same, ya know? Anyway's, here we go.
18 December 2008
...today while enjoying one of my last days on Medical Leave, Brenda, my sister Lou, and I were out Christmas shopping for my girls, Nikki, Sheena and Brenda too...
...walking with purpose yet in beauty with my path in life. Made eye contact, smiled and wishing everyone I crossed paths with a Merry Christmas or a Happy Holidays...
...while also passing along respect and thanks.
Found a wallet at the Sports Authority this afternoon. It had the OSU emblem on it and it was 'chocked full' of cash. I turned it in right then. Didn't even think. Just Did It. Thank You, God!
As it was written, it is what is read. I kind of like the 'From The Archives' title. Think that's what I'll call my entries from journal's this day on.
Love, peace and more peace...
This is an entry into one of my journals. I will enter this here as it was written on to the page of my journal. It is a glad thing for me that I have kept these journals. It is sad that as a teen, I felt it necessary to throw away my diary's. I suspect it was the fear of one of Kinfolk coming across it. Shit just wouldn't have been the same, ya know? Anyway's, here we go.
18 December 2008
...today while enjoying one of my last days on Medical Leave, Brenda, my sister Lou, and I were out Christmas shopping for my girls, Nikki, Sheena and Brenda too...
...walking with purpose yet in beauty with my path in life. Made eye contact, smiled and wishing everyone I crossed paths with a Merry Christmas or a Happy Holidays...
...while also passing along respect and thanks.
Found a wallet at the Sports Authority this afternoon. It had the OSU emblem on it and it was 'chocked full' of cash. I turned it in right then. Didn't even think. Just Did It. Thank You, God!
As it was written, it is what is read. I kind of like the 'From The Archives' title. Think that's what I'll call my entries from journal's this day on.
Love, peace and more peace...
James Brown ♬PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE
God Bless!
The God Father of Soul, R&B, and The Originator of FUNK, Mr. James Brown and His Mighty Crew at their VERY BEST!
Thank you, thank you, thank you Sir!
Great Spirit's got a powerful singing Angel up there, don't he?
Rest well, God Father, rest well...
...God Father, I think of my wife Brenda when I think or hear of this song. I also remember the wonderful music you worked so hard to entertain and 'please' your fans by and for. You were the ultimate entertainer Sir.
Please, please, please know this is true. We miss you and we still love and speak well about you. NOW, TURN THIS UP AND KICK BACK FOR A MINUTE OR TWO! YES!
Morning & Nausea
Good Morning.
Even though I am chock full of nausea, unpleasant dizziness and the sounds of a Fighter Jet roaring in the South yard, I am committed to visit Sir Dude...
...Brenda, often asks me if I'm pregnant. Hmm, if I am, it would be an Immaculate Conception.
I gain so much from our gatherings. He is a well educated individual and a fine right good gentleman. I suspect we have more in common than either of us realize, but I am cool with the professional and my boundaries being respected. Doing Tea, and discussing my woes are as close as I want to be with my present therapist. I really do respect and appreciate, my Sir Dude, but have learned to keep things on plan. My ex-psychiatrist taught me an excellent lesson that I'll carry with me through-out the remainder of my time here on Mother Earth.
Stewie, a grand and marvelous Woman and friend was once my therapist. She is One that broke down the walls that had been built over the course of a life time - she is the One who assisted me with dealing with the Rape, Sexual Abuse and Incest I have survived. Today, she is somebody that is endeared not only to myself, but also my family. She is a Life Long Friend and I love her as if she were part of my family. Stewie, if you're reading this know that I do love you and miss you immensely.
Soon the Little Bus should be by to take me to Sir Dude's office. One of my safe places. Blessed. So, I must move off and along.
Later on, I shall be back here to connect with my guests and Kin.
Be well.
Love, peace and more peace...
Even though I am chock full of nausea, unpleasant dizziness and the sounds of a Fighter Jet roaring in the South yard, I am committed to visit Sir Dude...
...Brenda, often asks me if I'm pregnant. Hmm, if I am, it would be an Immaculate Conception.
I gain so much from our gatherings. He is a well educated individual and a fine right good gentleman. I suspect we have more in common than either of us realize, but I am cool with the professional and my boundaries being respected. Doing Tea, and discussing my woes are as close as I want to be with my present therapist. I really do respect and appreciate, my Sir Dude, but have learned to keep things on plan. My ex-psychiatrist taught me an excellent lesson that I'll carry with me through-out the remainder of my time here on Mother Earth.
Stewie, a grand and marvelous Woman and friend was once my therapist. She is One that broke down the walls that had been built over the course of a life time - she is the One who assisted me with dealing with the Rape, Sexual Abuse and Incest I have survived. Today, she is somebody that is endeared not only to myself, but also my family. She is a Life Long Friend and I love her as if she were part of my family. Stewie, if you're reading this know that I do love you and miss you immensely.
Soon the Little Bus should be by to take me to Sir Dude's office. One of my safe places. Blessed. So, I must move off and along.
Later on, I shall be back here to connect with my guests and Kin.
Be well.
Love, peace and more peace...
Tuesday, September 25, 2012
Thoughts, An Ode To Starbucks Coffee Company
Thoughts of Life
and memories of life and My Path
prior to the Meniere's Disease
and it's ugly dreadful wrath.
Memories of My Path
and of my life
wouldn't have been
same without my wife.
I miss the enjoyment
of working a good day
busting my ass for our team
I didn't care what Folks would say.
The joy that came
with letting that customer
know time and time again
that what we did was not a game.
I yearn to see them who
would stop by to say hi
knowing that sooner or later
those who were sick were soon to die.
If I could turn back time
I would because this
has become a so
very, very sad rhyme.
Enough said for now
I'll do my best to fight
a good fight knowing
I'll do this, no matter how.
An Ode to Starbucks Coffee Company.
and memories of life and My Path
prior to the Meniere's Disease
and it's ugly dreadful wrath.
Memories of My Path
and of my life
wouldn't have been
same without my wife.
I miss the enjoyment
of working a good day
busting my ass for our team
I didn't care what Folks would say.
The joy that came
with letting that customer
know time and time again
that what we did was not a game.
I yearn to see them who
would stop by to say hi
knowing that sooner or later
those who were sick were soon to die.
If I could turn back time
I would because this
has become a so
very, very sad rhyme.
Enough said for now
I'll do my best to fight
a good fight knowing
I'll do this, no matter how.
An Ode to Starbucks Coffee Company.
The Ole Schwinn, Sir Dude, & I
On 12 September, the last I say Sir. Dude, my therapist, he had placed a super keen note on the back of my appointment card that stated, "Pump Up Your Tires & Ride!".
It took a few days to get down with it, but on this Sunday just passed, I made it so! I filled those three tires with air and got on board...
...and rode up and down my cul-de-sac. Rode up and down and felt that cool breeze coming from the North swoosh by me. I mean, it wasn't the speed of this cyclist on his Magical Schwinn Tricycle - it was more the breeze that was bringing a cool front through...
...so, yesterday I thought I would take this a step further by hitting the side walks and streets of this reservation. I liked it, but I can't stand it that I smashed into bushes and damned near ended up in Turtle Creek. I was not injured - embarrassed as hell yes, because there were witnesses on the loss of balance episodes. I was fortunate not to smash onto a car or have a car smash me. No fun. My systems continue to pull me to the left. I over compensated and panicked on both occasions. These brakes are attached to the handle bar for a purpose, I reckon. I must have looked the roll as I did the Fred Flintstone, foot brakes. Ha! It must have been a sight!
The lesson with this endeavor is that I'm simply not yet there with my balance to go beyond the safety of my cul-de-sac. Much more practice is required and practice is what I'll do. So close, yet so damned far. Even though with this, I see hope and promise. I am so excited inside right now that I must go evacuate my bladder.
I give myself this gaurantee. I'll keep air in those tires and I'll keep on trucking! Sir Dude, I'll see you tomorrow morning. We'll have our face to face then. Thank you, Sir Dude for that lil' push!
It took a few days to get down with it, but on this Sunday just passed, I made it so! I filled those three tires with air and got on board...
...and rode up and down my cul-de-sac. Rode up and down and felt that cool breeze coming from the North swoosh by me. I mean, it wasn't the speed of this cyclist on his Magical Schwinn Tricycle - it was more the breeze that was bringing a cool front through...
...so, yesterday I thought I would take this a step further by hitting the side walks and streets of this reservation. I liked it, but I can't stand it that I smashed into bushes and damned near ended up in Turtle Creek. I was not injured - embarrassed as hell yes, because there were witnesses on the loss of balance episodes. I was fortunate not to smash onto a car or have a car smash me. No fun. My systems continue to pull me to the left. I over compensated and panicked on both occasions. These brakes are attached to the handle bar for a purpose, I reckon. I must have looked the roll as I did the Fred Flintstone, foot brakes. Ha! It must have been a sight!
The lesson with this endeavor is that I'm simply not yet there with my balance to go beyond the safety of my cul-de-sac. Much more practice is required and practice is what I'll do. So close, yet so damned far. Even though with this, I see hope and promise. I am so excited inside right now that I must go evacuate my bladder.
I give myself this gaurantee. I'll keep air in those tires and I'll keep on trucking! Sir Dude, I'll see you tomorrow morning. We'll have our face to face then. Thank you, Sir Dude for that lil' push!
Happy Birthday Honorable Daughter #1
My Dearest Daughter Nikki,
I want to shout across this wonderful Mother Earth of ours, Happy and Merry Birthday Nikki!
It really doesn't seem possible that my first born is a thirty one year old grown ass Woman, living over yonder and way over there. So far and far away. Oh, my dear baby.
What's a proud father to say?
I love you more than I can begin to express.
I am proud of you as my beautiful daughter and so very proud of you being the Woman you are. Your work ethic is above reproach. You take teaching our Sister's English over in Arabia seriously. Sometimes, so too very seriously. You know that I know you know, this is outstanding!
Yes, I would have liked to celebrate your special day here at home, but I do understand your plan. Maybe when you come home for Winter break we can celebrate then. Oui? Oui!
My daughter, not a day goes by that I don't think about you. It is every day you live in my Daddy's Heart and your words of strength and determination encourage me to stand by you. I do. I pray for you daily and nightly. There are three pictures of you and your sister in my safe place, so even though you may not be here state side, I see you every day.
Your Mom and I were Blessed that day in Fort Lauderdale, Florida when you were born. A day and an event in my life I shall never ever forget. My teeny tiny little baby in my one hand.
Happy Birthday Nikki! Hope you have tremendous fun and celebration!
I will always love you daughter, your Dad aka Fahadja aka Pa. XOXOXOXOXOXO
I want to shout across this wonderful Mother Earth of ours, Happy and Merry Birthday Nikki!
It really doesn't seem possible that my first born is a thirty one year old grown ass Woman, living over yonder and way over there. So far and far away. Oh, my dear baby.
What's a proud father to say?
I love you more than I can begin to express.
I am proud of you as my beautiful daughter and so very proud of you being the Woman you are. Your work ethic is above reproach. You take teaching our Sister's English over in Arabia seriously. Sometimes, so too very seriously. You know that I know you know, this is outstanding!
Yes, I would have liked to celebrate your special day here at home, but I do understand your plan. Maybe when you come home for Winter break we can celebrate then. Oui? Oui!
My daughter, not a day goes by that I don't think about you. It is every day you live in my Daddy's Heart and your words of strength and determination encourage me to stand by you. I do. I pray for you daily and nightly. There are three pictures of you and your sister in my safe place, so even though you may not be here state side, I see you every day.
Your Mom and I were Blessed that day in Fort Lauderdale, Florida when you were born. A day and an event in my life I shall never ever forget. My teeny tiny little baby in my one hand.
Happy Birthday Nikki! Hope you have tremendous fun and celebration!
I will always love you daughter, your Dad aka Fahadja aka Pa. XOXOXOXOXOXO
Hot Pants! Daisy Dukes! What?
Relations,
Good Afternoon to one and all.
I have decided to release this information due to just a shade of uncertainty. Not confusion, you see, but more perplexed I suppose. To get right to this slight demystification, let me share this with you...
...it wasn't that long ago, maybe a few weeks ago, when I had both of my adult daughters ask me, their Dad, "Pa, why do you roll up your jean shorts?".
Well then, this question was somewhat of a surprise and my first reply was because I like them like this. Since then I've considered that I may not have provided a response that would have really given them an accurate answer to this question. As in food for thought for both of my grown baby's. The rolling up of my denim shorts are really rather simple as it is a preference of mine to wear shorts when I wear shorts. When I was a youth and young fellow shorts were shorts. Denim or other wise. Now-a-days, the manufacturer's of men's attire seem to think that 'all' Men wish to wear shorts that reach the knees. I mean, what the hell? I don't want my Bermuda's, my plaids, khaki or jean shorts to ride down to my knees. It's as if I'm shooting an MTV music video when I wear some of these shorts. Oh, and to damned baggy too. By the way, I do not share my crack with anybody and I wear a belt with all pants and shorts. I enjoyed watching Larry Bird and Magic Johnson and Issiah Thomas, wear shorts when they played basketball. Hell, I liked playing basketball and football in shorts that were, well, short.
It is my decision and belief that my daughters would ask me this question because they have never seen their Dad in shorts that were short. I suspect that the rolling up of said shorts may have played a bit in their curiosity. I hope that this memo (HA!) will enlighten my two gorgeous off spring as to why Pa would be rolling up the ole denim shorts. No, not quite the "Hot Pants", James Brown sang about, but yes, hot. And they're rolled up pants. Well then, I reckon these may tend to be "Hot Pants" after all. That's okay and yes, I really do like them like this.
Now then, on to the Daisy Dukes...
...yes, my dearest Kindred, I have and I do wear Daisy Dukes. Have worn such for many a year. Hell, even as a larger than usual sort of dude, I wear old denim shorts that I have converted into Daisy Dukes. Please, as if ? Especially, now with a slimming waist too! It genuinely makes me happy to wear a pair of hand crafted Daisy Dukes. I have even thought about doing this as a little something on the side to make a buck or two and keep these hands and mind occupied. Oh, wait a minute, there is never anything quite like the face of my brother-in-law, Bil, when I wear this form of attire. I have had many laughs with him because of his expression and words. My Little Dudes, Bubba and Tong Tong, and my young nieces and nephews don't care what I wear...
...they know that Tio Mario, is an extra special sort of fellow. My precious young nephews, aged eight and seven, and my young nieces, aged nine and seven, know only one Tio Mario and that's the only one they see when we gather. It's the same for every guest who has ever been here in our lodge. Same, same for all Kinfolk and Kindred, there's only one Big Bear and I for one, am very happy to be me.
As far as the question of under garments, I have been a long time wearer of boxers, but have begun to wear the fabulous kangaroo white briefs. Look, I even have a pair of blue metallic thongs that my spouse purchased for me a spell ago. I have always wanted to create silky briefs for fellows. Maybe some lace. IDK (I don't know), maybe someday I'll get this ole sewing machine operating to begin a new hobby.
All of the above is summed up so simply and expressed very honestly by me. I wear my shorts rolled up because I like them like that and I wear Daisy Dukes because I like them too. I like them alot. It is fun to create them and enjoy wearing them around the house and or to garden. No, don't ask. Although I will share that yes, sometimes I may go without the under garment. Alrighty then. Now we know a bit more about this fellow behind this screen, tip-tapping on the key board.
P.S. Just turned on James Brown! Yes, Hot Pants! Good God! Heeeeey! Hot Pants want to make me dance! I like Hot Pants! I am laughing out loud for real!
Good Afternoon to one and all.
I have decided to release this information due to just a shade of uncertainty. Not confusion, you see, but more perplexed I suppose. To get right to this slight demystification, let me share this with you...
...it wasn't that long ago, maybe a few weeks ago, when I had both of my adult daughters ask me, their Dad, "Pa, why do you roll up your jean shorts?".
Well then, this question was somewhat of a surprise and my first reply was because I like them like this. Since then I've considered that I may not have provided a response that would have really given them an accurate answer to this question. As in food for thought for both of my grown baby's. The rolling up of my denim shorts are really rather simple as it is a preference of mine to wear shorts when I wear shorts. When I was a youth and young fellow shorts were shorts. Denim or other wise. Now-a-days, the manufacturer's of men's attire seem to think that 'all' Men wish to wear shorts that reach the knees. I mean, what the hell? I don't want my Bermuda's, my plaids, khaki or jean shorts to ride down to my knees. It's as if I'm shooting an MTV music video when I wear some of these shorts. Oh, and to damned baggy too. By the way, I do not share my crack with anybody and I wear a belt with all pants and shorts. I enjoyed watching Larry Bird and Magic Johnson and Issiah Thomas, wear shorts when they played basketball. Hell, I liked playing basketball and football in shorts that were, well, short.
It is my decision and belief that my daughters would ask me this question because they have never seen their Dad in shorts that were short. I suspect that the rolling up of said shorts may have played a bit in their curiosity. I hope that this memo (HA!) will enlighten my two gorgeous off spring as to why Pa would be rolling up the ole denim shorts. No, not quite the "Hot Pants", James Brown sang about, but yes, hot. And they're rolled up pants. Well then, I reckon these may tend to be "Hot Pants" after all. That's okay and yes, I really do like them like this.
Now then, on to the Daisy Dukes...
...yes, my dearest Kindred, I have and I do wear Daisy Dukes. Have worn such for many a year. Hell, even as a larger than usual sort of dude, I wear old denim shorts that I have converted into Daisy Dukes. Please, as if ? Especially, now with a slimming waist too! It genuinely makes me happy to wear a pair of hand crafted Daisy Dukes. I have even thought about doing this as a little something on the side to make a buck or two and keep these hands and mind occupied. Oh, wait a minute, there is never anything quite like the face of my brother-in-law, Bil, when I wear this form of attire. I have had many laughs with him because of his expression and words. My Little Dudes, Bubba and Tong Tong, and my young nieces and nephews don't care what I wear...
...they know that Tio Mario, is an extra special sort of fellow. My precious young nephews, aged eight and seven, and my young nieces, aged nine and seven, know only one Tio Mario and that's the only one they see when we gather. It's the same for every guest who has ever been here in our lodge. Same, same for all Kinfolk and Kindred, there's only one Big Bear and I for one, am very happy to be me.
As far as the question of under garments, I have been a long time wearer of boxers, but have begun to wear the fabulous kangaroo white briefs. Look, I even have a pair of blue metallic thongs that my spouse purchased for me a spell ago. I have always wanted to create silky briefs for fellows. Maybe some lace. IDK (I don't know), maybe someday I'll get this ole sewing machine operating to begin a new hobby.
All of the above is summed up so simply and expressed very honestly by me. I wear my shorts rolled up because I like them like that and I wear Daisy Dukes because I like them too. I like them alot. It is fun to create them and enjoy wearing them around the house and or to garden. No, don't ask. Although I will share that yes, sometimes I may go without the under garment. Alrighty then. Now we know a bit more about this fellow behind this screen, tip-tapping on the key board.
P.S. Just turned on James Brown! Yes, Hot Pants! Good God! Heeeeey! Hot Pants want to make me dance! I like Hot Pants! I am laughing out loud for real!
Monday, September 24, 2012
Respectfully Rejected
This is a follow up communique pertaining to gaining assistance with respects to fare for my short bus with HARTPlus.
I contacted an organization here in Tampa at 1550, called the 'Tampa Cross Roads'. These kind people's are them who assist veterans getting back on their feet, by providing bus fare, food, and affordable housing. The latter two I was not aware of until I connected with them. The Veterans assisted are enrolled in a program offered by this organization.
This organization is in place to assist my Brothers and Sisters in much dire straights than I. If anything was gained by this call, it was I who realized just how fortunate I am. How Blessed I am. Listening to this young man with 'Tampa Cross Roads' opened up my third eye. It also opened up my heart..
...as if a message was sent from Great Spirit to and through this young man's voice.
Although respectfully rejected, I am not disappointed. I did in fact gain a deep respect for this organization called 'Tampa Cross Roads', their associates and our Veterans.
Thank you Great One, for this lesson.
I am humbled.
I contacted an organization here in Tampa at 1550, called the 'Tampa Cross Roads'. These kind people's are them who assist veterans getting back on their feet, by providing bus fare, food, and affordable housing. The latter two I was not aware of until I connected with them. The Veterans assisted are enrolled in a program offered by this organization.
This organization is in place to assist my Brothers and Sisters in much dire straights than I. If anything was gained by this call, it was I who realized just how fortunate I am. How Blessed I am. Listening to this young man with 'Tampa Cross Roads' opened up my third eye. It also opened up my heart..
...as if a message was sent from Great Spirit to and through this young man's voice.
Although respectfully rejected, I am not disappointed. I did in fact gain a deep respect for this organization called 'Tampa Cross Roads', their associates and our Veterans.
Thank you Great One, for this lesson.
I am humbled.
Wells Fargo - Please Help
Am home now from my little out and about. A relief to be home. Yeah, I know.
No report back from the one known as Frank and or John at Wells Fargo. The bank where being a customer is unimportant to them who control the business of banking. Actually, we pulled all of our financial business from this establishment. Checking, Savings, IRA etc. I don't give a damn how long this company has been around. It's apparent to me how these thieves operate and how it is they make their money. From their front line associates to their fiance folks, they lack.
I say, let me make this follow up call real quick like.
I'm on hold, just noticed that their recording says that my call is important to them. Guess I'll have to see about that.
WELL, a fine right good gentleman by the name of Brent, has assisted me with gaining some information and the knowledge required to make a wise decision when She-Who-Walks-Tall, gets home from the job. This entire process is under way because I am so very weary of seeing my spouse stress over our financial matters. She works hard and I know she stresses with the burden of managing her jobs stress's and our financial matters to boot. My financial status is not what it was just a few short years ago when I was healthy and fit enough to work hard and play some ball too. These fortunate few dollars I bring in are barely enough to assist her with what it is we have to do as responsible citizens. It is with great hopes and expectation's that this will provide her and I some breathing room.
What this young fellow provided was Customer Service and done so with a smile on his face. I could hear it. I am a bit more at ease for now, even feel better than I did just a short half hour or so ago. Looks as if we have ourselves some business to take care of.
Thank you, Brent, who is representing Wells Fargo very well.
Thank You, Great Spirit.
No report back from the one known as Frank and or John at Wells Fargo. The bank where being a customer is unimportant to them who control the business of banking. Actually, we pulled all of our financial business from this establishment. Checking, Savings, IRA etc. I don't give a damn how long this company has been around. It's apparent to me how these thieves operate and how it is they make their money. From their front line associates to their fiance folks, they lack.
I say, let me make this follow up call real quick like.
I'm on hold, just noticed that their recording says that my call is important to them. Guess I'll have to see about that.
WELL, a fine right good gentleman by the name of Brent, has assisted me with gaining some information and the knowledge required to make a wise decision when She-Who-Walks-Tall, gets home from the job. This entire process is under way because I am so very weary of seeing my spouse stress over our financial matters. She works hard and I know she stresses with the burden of managing her jobs stress's and our financial matters to boot. My financial status is not what it was just a few short years ago when I was healthy and fit enough to work hard and play some ball too. These fortunate few dollars I bring in are barely enough to assist her with what it is we have to do as responsible citizens. It is with great hopes and expectation's that this will provide her and I some breathing room.
What this young fellow provided was Customer Service and done so with a smile on his face. I could hear it. I am a bit more at ease for now, even feel better than I did just a short half hour or so ago. Looks as if we have ourselves some business to take care of.
Thank you, Brent, who is representing Wells Fargo very well.
Thank You, Great Spirit.
Later
I am sitting here debating with myself as to whether I should take a get-out-of-the-house for a spell or whether to garden and task out of doors. Yes, I know getting into the yards would be getting out of the house, but there's something nibbling at my ass and I just have to bust out of here for a spell.
My Spirit's feel caged in and I feel as if I have been removed from the skin and the place I once knew and loved. It's tough to make this into words, it's here, I just am having difficulty turning it into words. I feel as if I'm on the verge of something and don't know what it is or how to explain.
Have just called the bank known as Wells Fargo about assisting us with getting from this upside down position we're in. Have left two messages today. Spoke with a fellow by the name of John on 19 September, who pretty much gave me the run-about. Said he would look into the matter and call me back. Here I am on the 24th and John is a No Call. He who is a customer service agent failed miserably at his job and his word isn't worth a ton of cow dung. Being upside down is frustrating and confusing for me. All I need is someone to speak with on honest terms and let us get this boat-a-floating right side up.
Think I have just made up my mind to get out for a spell. I may miss a message but it is better to miss a message than speak with someone now while I am more than a bit side ways...
...need to clear up some space between these three ears of mine.
The Meniere's is aggravating the mess out of me today. More of a nuisance than a problem, and while it is such, I would like to take advantage of this present state and get my rump moving.
Later.
My Spirit's feel caged in and I feel as if I have been removed from the skin and the place I once knew and loved. It's tough to make this into words, it's here, I just am having difficulty turning it into words. I feel as if I'm on the verge of something and don't know what it is or how to explain.
Have just called the bank known as Wells Fargo about assisting us with getting from this upside down position we're in. Have left two messages today. Spoke with a fellow by the name of John on 19 September, who pretty much gave me the run-about. Said he would look into the matter and call me back. Here I am on the 24th and John is a No Call. He who is a customer service agent failed miserably at his job and his word isn't worth a ton of cow dung. Being upside down is frustrating and confusing for me. All I need is someone to speak with on honest terms and let us get this boat-a-floating right side up.
Think I have just made up my mind to get out for a spell. I may miss a message but it is better to miss a message than speak with someone now while I am more than a bit side ways...
...need to clear up some space between these three ears of mine.
The Meniere's is aggravating the mess out of me today. More of a nuisance than a problem, and while it is such, I would like to take advantage of this present state and get my rump moving.
Later.
Therapy With Sir Dude On Wednesday
Have just coordinated transport to visit with my therapist Sir Dude, for this Wednesday, 26 September 2012.
There's a bit of anxiety mixed in with this releasing of anxiety...
...my HartPlus ticket hole punch is down to one remaining trip. One way. That's the one I've decided to use for this sit down with Sir Dude. If the appointment was for today, I would have been immensely satisfied. There's some change going on within and I need a bit of balance in my world right now. This change I suspect is in fact good, but there is a live self-saboteur living next to me. Usually inside of me. Sometimes gets into me and blends my emotions and innards like a food processor. I know how to turn it on, but have forgotten how to turn him off.
Fiances are a major concern. My home and wife are major concerns. I am not.
Sir Dude, know that I'll be there with bells on come Wednesday. With a couple bags of tea too.
I'll figure out a means home when I get to it.
Shit.
There's a bit of anxiety mixed in with this releasing of anxiety...
...my HartPlus ticket hole punch is down to one remaining trip. One way. That's the one I've decided to use for this sit down with Sir Dude. If the appointment was for today, I would have been immensely satisfied. There's some change going on within and I need a bit of balance in my world right now. This change I suspect is in fact good, but there is a live self-saboteur living next to me. Usually inside of me. Sometimes gets into me and blends my emotions and innards like a food processor. I know how to turn it on, but have forgotten how to turn him off.
Fiances are a major concern. My home and wife are major concerns. I am not.
Sir Dude, know that I'll be there with bells on come Wednesday. With a couple bags of tea too.
I'll figure out a means home when I get to it.
Shit.
Sticking My Words In Here Real Quick
Wanted to stick my words out here real quick. Sort of like checking in type thing. It's Monday morning and there's some tasks I wish to attend to. Mainly garden related stuff. I fall back into my lounge chair next to the pool and let the Sun burn into my eyes. The Sun makes it necessary to squint. I smile as I remember the days when I would hang out by the pool's of my life with my family, friends and lovers. I still have days with Kinfolk and Kindred here for friendly and family good times. The lovers have all gone and or are dead. The way I want this life lead?
I sit here now, still a young man and look at these hands and think to myself where did all of this life go. So many wonderful Folks to have crossed paths with. So many people to have loved and so many who loved me.
(There must be a better way to tip-tap than this non-ergonomic chair and desk. Yes, my safe place, but one I have out grown with the loss of weight.)
My Mom and Dad visited me in Dream World last night. They're both doing well and looking fit and healthy. Dad's still working. Even in Heaven, he's still working hard for his money or what-ever it is we earn in the after life. It would be nice to think that everything would come free of charge, but then, nothing comes free anymore. Does it?
I am doing well and have rebounded quickly from the ass stomping I received from the meniere's attack of Thursday, 20 September 2012. I have kept myself occupied and focused on the whatever I have been up to. Silly simple tasks and battling the sleep is a tough task in itself. Yes, it's true.
Tomorrow is my eldest daughters thirty first anniversary of birth. My baby daughter is grown and lives on the other side of Mother Earth. Happy and Merry Birthday, my child. I so love you.
It shocks some crevices in the brain as I look at the calender on the wall in my brain and wonder damn, where did these years go? Is this what life is all about?? There were times I could have done and did do anything I wanted. My family and friends think and say that I have been so lucky. Don't they know? Do they know? That this is the time of life when things fall into place. Isn't this the part where I might consider what it is I want to do when I grow up. Establish boundaries from them folks. Separate myself from some folks. Folks don't know. Don't say it if you don't know it. It's better off this way. Not having to listen to your voice is okay by me. Just let me be and move along with your lies and beliefs.
Seen.
I listen to a familiar tune in my left Deaf ear and remember listening to the voices of Kinfolk and Kindred with this ear. Now, they're gone and so is the hearing in that one damned ear. The hearing in the right is better that slightly fucked up. Excuse me? Would you please repeat that? What? Yeah right, X 1,000,000 times.
The Sun wants to touch my skin and my face and eye's. It can't because I am in doors at this moment but this will change directly. I want to get out. I need to get out.
...to feel that Sun on my skin and eye's and feel this Florida breeze brush past me.
And all like that, so, for now I say my Good Bye's.
I sit here now, still a young man and look at these hands and think to myself where did all of this life go. So many wonderful Folks to have crossed paths with. So many people to have loved and so many who loved me.
(There must be a better way to tip-tap than this non-ergonomic chair and desk. Yes, my safe place, but one I have out grown with the loss of weight.)
My Mom and Dad visited me in Dream World last night. They're both doing well and looking fit and healthy. Dad's still working. Even in Heaven, he's still working hard for his money or what-ever it is we earn in the after life. It would be nice to think that everything would come free of charge, but then, nothing comes free anymore. Does it?
I am doing well and have rebounded quickly from the ass stomping I received from the meniere's attack of Thursday, 20 September 2012. I have kept myself occupied and focused on the whatever I have been up to. Silly simple tasks and battling the sleep is a tough task in itself. Yes, it's true.
Tomorrow is my eldest daughters thirty first anniversary of birth. My baby daughter is grown and lives on the other side of Mother Earth. Happy and Merry Birthday, my child. I so love you.
It shocks some crevices in the brain as I look at the calender on the wall in my brain and wonder damn, where did these years go? Is this what life is all about?? There were times I could have done and did do anything I wanted. My family and friends think and say that I have been so lucky. Don't they know? Do they know? That this is the time of life when things fall into place. Isn't this the part where I might consider what it is I want to do when I grow up. Establish boundaries from them folks. Separate myself from some folks. Folks don't know. Don't say it if you don't know it. It's better off this way. Not having to listen to your voice is okay by me. Just let me be and move along with your lies and beliefs.
Seen.
I listen to a familiar tune in my left Deaf ear and remember listening to the voices of Kinfolk and Kindred with this ear. Now, they're gone and so is the hearing in that one damned ear. The hearing in the right is better that slightly fucked up. Excuse me? Would you please repeat that? What? Yeah right, X 1,000,000 times.
The Sun wants to touch my skin and my face and eye's. It can't because I am in doors at this moment but this will change directly. I want to get out. I need to get out.
...to feel that Sun on my skin and eye's and feel this Florida breeze brush past me.
And all like that, so, for now I say my Good Bye's.
Sunday, September 23, 2012
The Number 666, Has Come Up
Kind Guest,
Early on in this ninth month of 2012, I had made comment on and had chat about the number 666 and other numbers...
...if my memory serves me properly, I had talk of how the number 777 was a good number from my Kinfolks point of view and that the number 7 was actually my lucky number.
Well, the creators of television drama in Hollywood, California felt it necessary to have a television show with the numbers 666 in the title of the show. The new season starts this month and there has been a lot of air play and commercials for this new T.V. show.
The name of the drama is '666 Park Place'...
...big Hollywood names and big Hollywood money. I just pray that no one has sold their Soul for this type of television rubbish. I won't be viewing this drama. There's no need in my observing this drama when there is enough drama in my life as it is.
For sure.
Dude.
Early on in this ninth month of 2012, I had made comment on and had chat about the number 666 and other numbers...
...if my memory serves me properly, I had talk of how the number 777 was a good number from my Kinfolks point of view and that the number 7 was actually my lucky number.
Well, the creators of television drama in Hollywood, California felt it necessary to have a television show with the numbers 666 in the title of the show. The new season starts this month and there has been a lot of air play and commercials for this new T.V. show.
The name of the drama is '666 Park Place'...
...big Hollywood names and big Hollywood money. I just pray that no one has sold their Soul for this type of television rubbish. I won't be viewing this drama. There's no need in my observing this drama when there is enough drama in my life as it is.
For sure.
Dude.
Saturday, September 22, 2012
My BAHA, The Bone Achored Hearing Aid
Relations,
There have been many times when I have discussed this appliance, my processor, but really, didn't stop to give one a better picture of what it's all about.
I presently have the BAHA 3. My one and only has been updated every time it has been shipped off for repair from He-Who-Touched-My-Brain's Clinic. I have been enjoying this processor more than ever before.
The BAHA, is located and placed behind my left Deaf ear. With the latest operation doctor extended the abutment to better accommodate my BAHA. This also required the removal of an inch or so of my flesh around the site of my implant - which is implanted into my skull. So, my skull and the implant which is titanium are like one in the same. Just different colours. I have two or three awesome scars. One that rivers down along the side of my scalp. I also have a Pirate type of scar where it's like so obvious and one can see the amount of stitch scars. This side of my skull and I have gone through a lot of changes since way back 2008. This was when we busted my skull open for the first time. I say 'we' because it was my thick ass scalp and skull that gave my wonderful doctor such a difficult time - every time. It has always been, He, Dr.-Who-Puts-Me-To-Sleep and the extraordinary ladies in the operating room to get me through each and every operation there at Tampa General Hospital. Awesomely safe and secure, which is so important to me when some body's about to knock me out and carve up the left side of my head. Every time! He-Who-Touched, has had to crack it, saw it, snip it and sew it, he has done so with my Blessings. I have kissed the Right Good Doctor's very hands. These are the only hands on this planet that have touched my brain. Thus, my heart...
...I am thinking that this fine Doctor is a Blessing for me. It is because of his counsel and our face to face's that we have built and established a damned good health care team. And a fine and tough fighting 'Better Health Care Team' vs. The Meniere's Disease.
The BAHA and it's site of implant is what I refer to as my third ear. Yes, child, it has to be cleaned daily just like the other two, en'it? Okay then. The BAHA's processor picks up sounds and noises and transfers them via bone conduction to my right-good-bad-ear. It is this ear, according to He-Who-Touched-My-Brain, that will prevent me from ever going 100% Deaf. Which sounds like a trick question/answer to my simple way of thinking. I mean, if I lose hearing I have lost hearing -
- just because we place another Cochlear Ear Implant doesn't assure me that I'll never be 100% Out Of Sound. When the processor is removed from my left Deaf ear. My left ear is Deaf. So it makes sense to me that when the Cochlear is removed, my right ear too, will be out of sound.
Wait! Stop dammit!
This latest BAHA 3 has provided me with the best results thus far along this journey...
...my Path.
There have been many times when I have discussed this appliance, my processor, but really, didn't stop to give one a better picture of what it's all about.
I presently have the BAHA 3. My one and only has been updated every time it has been shipped off for repair from He-Who-Touched-My-Brain's Clinic. I have been enjoying this processor more than ever before.
The BAHA, is located and placed behind my left Deaf ear. With the latest operation doctor extended the abutment to better accommodate my BAHA. This also required the removal of an inch or so of my flesh around the site of my implant - which is implanted into my skull. So, my skull and the implant which is titanium are like one in the same. Just different colours. I have two or three awesome scars. One that rivers down along the side of my scalp. I also have a Pirate type of scar where it's like so obvious and one can see the amount of stitch scars. This side of my skull and I have gone through a lot of changes since way back 2008. This was when we busted my skull open for the first time. I say 'we' because it was my thick ass scalp and skull that gave my wonderful doctor such a difficult time - every time. It has always been, He, Dr.-Who-Puts-Me-To-Sleep and the extraordinary ladies in the operating room to get me through each and every operation there at Tampa General Hospital. Awesomely safe and secure, which is so important to me when some body's about to knock me out and carve up the left side of my head. Every time! He-Who-Touched, has had to crack it, saw it, snip it and sew it, he has done so with my Blessings. I have kissed the Right Good Doctor's very hands. These are the only hands on this planet that have touched my brain. Thus, my heart...
...I am thinking that this fine Doctor is a Blessing for me. It is because of his counsel and our face to face's that we have built and established a damned good health care team. And a fine and tough fighting 'Better Health Care Team' vs. The Meniere's Disease.
The BAHA and it's site of implant is what I refer to as my third ear. Yes, child, it has to be cleaned daily just like the other two, en'it? Okay then. The BAHA's processor picks up sounds and noises and transfers them via bone conduction to my right-good-bad-ear. It is this ear, according to He-Who-Touched-My-Brain, that will prevent me from ever going 100% Deaf. Which sounds like a trick question/answer to my simple way of thinking. I mean, if I lose hearing I have lost hearing -
- just because we place another Cochlear Ear Implant doesn't assure me that I'll never be 100% Out Of Sound. When the processor is removed from my left Deaf ear. My left ear is Deaf. So it makes sense to me that when the Cochlear is removed, my right ear too, will be out of sound.
Wait! Stop dammit!
This latest BAHA 3 has provided me with the best results thus far along this journey...
...my Path.
An Afternoon Attack Of Meiere's
Relations.
Pardon my lack of communications.
I have been asleep for all but two hours since Thursday afternoon, 20 September 2012. Woke up this afternoon around 1530 and have fought to keep from returning to slumber. I snapped the slumber by getting myself from my slumber. If I had not done that, I would have remained in my Safe Place and in a deep sleep. I did not eat yesterday, so I would consider this somewhat of a fast in fight and war against the Meniere's God's. To tell the truth, I didn't eat because I was asleep even though I reckon, this would still be considered a fast. True? Alright, then. I broke fast today.
This past week has been an epic one and I am so damned glad to know I'll see Sir Dude, mid-week of this approaching week. It will be a good and proper visitation. A good face to face. There have been victories yes, yet there have been defeats since earlier in the week with the Walking-Wide-Asleep-While-Wide-Awake episode. Which now has been applied it's own waiting room because this is something that has happened on more that two or three times. It just seems to have manifested and moved in with-in the past some odd few months...
...this whole Zombie-ish thingy-thing going on this week. And then to be smacked face first by this Vertigo Attack has me about as side-ways as I can get to be at myself. I feel it in my bones.
Having this Meniere's Attack Thursday set into motion a time of very deep sleep. Such deep sleeps I would seem to live and thrive in Dream World. There is no doubt that I shift quickly into REM during the post Vertigo Attack sleeps and slumbers. Relations, there was something else I noticed while in Dream World, in Dream World, I still listen with both ears. In this case, my awake world has not yet caught up with Dream World. That's brilliantly fantastic as far as my Dream World and I are concerned.
I feel certain that if I should ask a doctor or therapist about this I would be informed this stuff is an anomaly. These Right Good Folks forget that it is I and I am a Human who is scared and just a wee-bit side ways because I can't believe I've had all of this shit spew in less than one week. I am dumbfounded. There just must be some sort of medication that WILL work on this dizziness, nausea, vomiting, sweating and shit I am going through at this moment.
Oh, and my Dearest Great Spirit, these damned loud sounds and noises! My God!
Please, and please, remember this my kind doctor's, therapists and all in my 'Better State of Health Business Team', there is something I wish to establish at this time. A steadfast boundary establishing one with respect to this anomaly picture. "I", am not an anomaly. The disease that busted up my skull, neck, shoulders, chest, lungs, legs, feet, arms and fingers - I feel pained, ache and bruised because this disease whooped my ass something really good this time around.
My Better State Of Health Business, associates will also provide me with an increase of stimulation during these times of frustration and confusion when it pertains to these attacks and my loss of hearing. Again, I believe there must be something I could take that would assist me with these sickening symptoms. These symptoms that have wrecked my world not only since Thursday's attack, but also from earlier in the week. I have considered and contemplated on this subject so seriously that I have decided to have a sit down with He-Who-Touched-My-Brain. I will be making appointments for my primary physician, my Neurologist and my Respiratory Physician. My left lower lung pains me. I am also well aware that my vision has been affected in negative ways, so it is time for me to see an eye doctor. And unfortunately. I also must call my dearest Dr. Snip-N-Cut. I have been so focused on dealing with the symptoms of meniere's disease, I sometimes place other stuffs on the back burner...
...time to focus on my Health as a whole.
I bring up pains in the lungs because of my history with pneumonia and I am displaying symptoms of this in my lower left lung. I am not positive, but it sure is a familiar pain.
Pardon my lack of communications.
I have been asleep for all but two hours since Thursday afternoon, 20 September 2012. Woke up this afternoon around 1530 and have fought to keep from returning to slumber. I snapped the slumber by getting myself from my slumber. If I had not done that, I would have remained in my Safe Place and in a deep sleep. I did not eat yesterday, so I would consider this somewhat of a fast in fight and war against the Meniere's God's. To tell the truth, I didn't eat because I was asleep even though I reckon, this would still be considered a fast. True? Alright, then. I broke fast today.
This past week has been an epic one and I am so damned glad to know I'll see Sir Dude, mid-week of this approaching week. It will be a good and proper visitation. A good face to face. There have been victories yes, yet there have been defeats since earlier in the week with the Walking-Wide-Asleep-While-Wide-Awake episode. Which now has been applied it's own waiting room because this is something that has happened on more that two or three times. It just seems to have manifested and moved in with-in the past some odd few months...
...this whole Zombie-ish thingy-thing going on this week. And then to be smacked face first by this Vertigo Attack has me about as side-ways as I can get to be at myself. I feel it in my bones.
Having this Meniere's Attack Thursday set into motion a time of very deep sleep. Such deep sleeps I would seem to live and thrive in Dream World. There is no doubt that I shift quickly into REM during the post Vertigo Attack sleeps and slumbers. Relations, there was something else I noticed while in Dream World, in Dream World, I still listen with both ears. In this case, my awake world has not yet caught up with Dream World. That's brilliantly fantastic as far as my Dream World and I are concerned.
I feel certain that if I should ask a doctor or therapist about this I would be informed this stuff is an anomaly. These Right Good Folks forget that it is I and I am a Human who is scared and just a wee-bit side ways because I can't believe I've had all of this shit spew in less than one week. I am dumbfounded. There just must be some sort of medication that WILL work on this dizziness, nausea, vomiting, sweating and shit I am going through at this moment.
Oh, and my Dearest Great Spirit, these damned loud sounds and noises! My God!
Please, and please, remember this my kind doctor's, therapists and all in my 'Better State of Health Business Team', there is something I wish to establish at this time. A steadfast boundary establishing one with respect to this anomaly picture. "I", am not an anomaly. The disease that busted up my skull, neck, shoulders, chest, lungs, legs, feet, arms and fingers - I feel pained, ache and bruised because this disease whooped my ass something really good this time around.
My Better State Of Health Business, associates will also provide me with an increase of stimulation during these times of frustration and confusion when it pertains to these attacks and my loss of hearing. Again, I believe there must be something I could take that would assist me with these sickening symptoms. These symptoms that have wrecked my world not only since Thursday's attack, but also from earlier in the week. I have considered and contemplated on this subject so seriously that I have decided to have a sit down with He-Who-Touched-My-Brain. I will be making appointments for my primary physician, my Neurologist and my Respiratory Physician. My left lower lung pains me. I am also well aware that my vision has been affected in negative ways, so it is time for me to see an eye doctor. And unfortunately. I also must call my dearest Dr. Snip-N-Cut. I have been so focused on dealing with the symptoms of meniere's disease, I sometimes place other stuffs on the back burner...
...time to focus on my Health as a whole.
I bring up pains in the lungs because of my history with pneumonia and I am displaying symptoms of this in my lower left lung. I am not positive, but it sure is a familiar pain.
Thursday, September 20, 2012
Symptomatically Speaking
Relations,
These following words are the very words and ideology I wish to share with Relations again. Yes, there is something about what I have shared here that seems to be connecting with the energies within my Center. Centering maybe? There's this knowing with a dash of uncertainty that I can't describe - it's on top of something. I know this. Seen.
Anticipation?
There is a bit of a heavier state of blue going on within today. The evil one knows when to strike and lash out. The negative energy and vibrations are sent out enforce...
...the grasping a hold on to the concept that all of what I have just shared is due to, in most part to the Meniere's Disease. Symptomatically speaking. And hell no, this is not an attempt at some adolescent justification for what it is that goes on within this skin. I am a responsible person and know damned well the difference between right and wrong. Rational and irrational. I own this.
The depressions and emotional turmoil is something that is not new to me. You see? It was the integration of the physical ailments that intensified the whirl wind of mind matter within what was once a level headed individual. A very hard working professional who excelled at operating well functioning and profitable business's. A free Spirit that was used to moving in the pace that My Path had created for me. I travel when I wished, went on amazing walk abouts when I caught the itch and kept things as cool as possible. Sweet and smoothly. As I have lived before.
There was a mad form of confusion manifest that has fought like 'mad' to take control of my body and I. My Spirit's and My Path. I have gone through some ugly ass changes here over the past five or so years. I won't ever forget what these few years have been like. Where did I go?
Today, the spectrum of my gained experiences and knowledge leads the all of me down a different path. I have also gained an indescribable extraordinary strength and motivation. Sometimes I catch a glance and see the me and yes, I doubt at times, but it sinks in that I am a different person today. Yet, my personality and I remain same through such life affecting changes. I am what I am - I am that I am, and I am who I am. Seen.
I have found this place within my Spirit's that provides me the strength of love and life for life and love. Yes, I am a Warrior and a Survivor of Rape, Incest, and Sexual Abuse. Am a Survivor of too many things I have had to endure and live through...
...all of which, I know and am aware has taken from Earth Mother, many of my brothers and sisters of Rape and Sexual Abuse. I am aware the Depression has killed Folks on all branches of my Family Tree and has taken the lives of many Kindred. So too many. This hurts.
This place I have found within my energies and Spirit, will get me to where I'm headed and where I want to be in life and on My Path. I just don't know how to explain what I feel or am thinking.
Acceptance?
These following words are the very words and ideology I wish to share with Relations again. Yes, there is something about what I have shared here that seems to be connecting with the energies within my Center. Centering maybe? There's this knowing with a dash of uncertainty that I can't describe - it's on top of something. I know this. Seen.
Anticipation?
There is a bit of a heavier state of blue going on within today. The evil one knows when to strike and lash out. The negative energy and vibrations are sent out enforce...
...the grasping a hold on to the concept that all of what I have just shared is due to, in most part to the Meniere's Disease. Symptomatically speaking. And hell no, this is not an attempt at some adolescent justification for what it is that goes on within this skin. I am a responsible person and know damned well the difference between right and wrong. Rational and irrational. I own this.
The depressions and emotional turmoil is something that is not new to me. You see? It was the integration of the physical ailments that intensified the whirl wind of mind matter within what was once a level headed individual. A very hard working professional who excelled at operating well functioning and profitable business's. A free Spirit that was used to moving in the pace that My Path had created for me. I travel when I wished, went on amazing walk abouts when I caught the itch and kept things as cool as possible. Sweet and smoothly. As I have lived before.
There was a mad form of confusion manifest that has fought like 'mad' to take control of my body and I. My Spirit's and My Path. I have gone through some ugly ass changes here over the past five or so years. I won't ever forget what these few years have been like. Where did I go?
Today, the spectrum of my gained experiences and knowledge leads the all of me down a different path. I have also gained an indescribable extraordinary strength and motivation. Sometimes I catch a glance and see the me and yes, I doubt at times, but it sinks in that I am a different person today. Yet, my personality and I remain same through such life affecting changes. I am what I am - I am that I am, and I am who I am. Seen.
I have found this place within my Spirit's that provides me the strength of love and life for life and love. Yes, I am a Warrior and a Survivor of Rape, Incest, and Sexual Abuse. Am a Survivor of too many things I have had to endure and live through...
...all of which, I know and am aware has taken from Earth Mother, many of my brothers and sisters of Rape and Sexual Abuse. I am aware the Depression has killed Folks on all branches of my Family Tree and has taken the lives of many Kindred. So too many. This hurts.
This place I have found within my energies and Spirit, will get me to where I'm headed and where I want to be in life and on My Path. I just don't know how to explain what I feel or am thinking.
Acceptance?
At The 39th Hour, I Closed
Kind Kindred,
Sending out this communique to share that at the 39th hour of continuous no sleep, my systems mutinied last night and shut me down. I am knowing it was past the thirty-ninth hour by a quarter or two, but I didn't want to look at my clock. I was attempting to journal when suddenly I began writing in hieroglyphics's and my eyes so wild out of balance and focus, dictated a the closure of these eye lids. I relinquished and very possibly collapsed into a deep, deep sleep. So strong and so deep from the utter exhaustion. Sleep was so swift and sudden.
Today, the sounds and noises remain, and for some reason seems to be exclusive to the left Deaf one. There's interruption enough with what's going on between the two halves of this ferrous brain and mind's. Please, I am doing well with the mental/emotional balance. There's just a lot of thinking, thoughts, memories, self evaluation and analysis being conducted. The realization that I am most critical of self, occurs post Meniere's Attacks and post these episodic occurrences of non-sleep.
There is a bit of a heavier state of blue going on within today. The evil one knows when to strike and lash out. The negative energy and vibrations are sent out enforce...
...the grasping a hold on to the concept that all of what I have just shared is due to, in most part to the Meniere's Disease. Symptomatically speaking. And hell no, this is not an attempt at some adolescent justification for what it is that goes on within this skin. I am a responsible person and know damned well the difference between right and wrong. Rational and irrational. I own this.
The depressions and emotional turmoil is something that is not new to me. You see? It was the integration of the physical ailments that intensified the whirl wind of mind matter within what was once a level headed individual. A very hard working professional who excelled at operating well functioning and profitable business's. A free Spirit that was used to moving in the pace that My Path had created for me. I travel when I wished, went on amazing walk abouts when I caught the itch and kept things as cool as possible. Sweet and smoothly. As I have lived before.
There was a mad form of confusion manifest that has fought like 'mad' to take control of my body and I. My Spirit's and My Path. I have gone through some ugly ass changes here over the past five or so years. I won't ever forget what these few years have been like. Where did I go?
Today, the spectrum of my gained experiences and knowledge leads the all of me down a different path. I have also gained an indescribable extraordinary strength and motivation. Sometimes I catch a glance and see the me and yes, I doubt at times, but it sinks in that I am a different person today. Yet, my personality and I remain same through such life affecting changes. I am what I am - I am that I am, and I am who I am. Seen.
I have found this place within my Spirit's that provides me the strength of love and life for life and love. Yes, I am a Warrior and a Survivor of Rape, Incest, and Sexual Abuse. Am a Survivor of too many things I have had to endure and live through. All of which, I know and am aware has taken from Earth Mother, many of my brothers and sisters. So too many.
I am a Blessed One.
An acceptance?
Sending out this communique to share that at the 39th hour of continuous no sleep, my systems mutinied last night and shut me down. I am knowing it was past the thirty-ninth hour by a quarter or two, but I didn't want to look at my clock. I was attempting to journal when suddenly I began writing in hieroglyphics's and my eyes so wild out of balance and focus, dictated a the closure of these eye lids. I relinquished and very possibly collapsed into a deep, deep sleep. So strong and so deep from the utter exhaustion. Sleep was so swift and sudden.
Today, the sounds and noises remain, and for some reason seems to be exclusive to the left Deaf one. There's interruption enough with what's going on between the two halves of this ferrous brain and mind's. Please, I am doing well with the mental/emotional balance. There's just a lot of thinking, thoughts, memories, self evaluation and analysis being conducted. The realization that I am most critical of self, occurs post Meniere's Attacks and post these episodic occurrences of non-sleep.
There is a bit of a heavier state of blue going on within today. The evil one knows when to strike and lash out. The negative energy and vibrations are sent out enforce...
...the grasping a hold on to the concept that all of what I have just shared is due to, in most part to the Meniere's Disease. Symptomatically speaking. And hell no, this is not an attempt at some adolescent justification for what it is that goes on within this skin. I am a responsible person and know damned well the difference between right and wrong. Rational and irrational. I own this.
The depressions and emotional turmoil is something that is not new to me. You see? It was the integration of the physical ailments that intensified the whirl wind of mind matter within what was once a level headed individual. A very hard working professional who excelled at operating well functioning and profitable business's. A free Spirit that was used to moving in the pace that My Path had created for me. I travel when I wished, went on amazing walk abouts when I caught the itch and kept things as cool as possible. Sweet and smoothly. As I have lived before.
There was a mad form of confusion manifest that has fought like 'mad' to take control of my body and I. My Spirit's and My Path. I have gone through some ugly ass changes here over the past five or so years. I won't ever forget what these few years have been like. Where did I go?
Today, the spectrum of my gained experiences and knowledge leads the all of me down a different path. I have also gained an indescribable extraordinary strength and motivation. Sometimes I catch a glance and see the me and yes, I doubt at times, but it sinks in that I am a different person today. Yet, my personality and I remain same through such life affecting changes. I am what I am - I am that I am, and I am who I am. Seen.
I have found this place within my Spirit's that provides me the strength of love and life for life and love. Yes, I am a Warrior and a Survivor of Rape, Incest, and Sexual Abuse. Am a Survivor of too many things I have had to endure and live through. All of which, I know and am aware has taken from Earth Mother, many of my brothers and sisters. So too many.
I am a Blessed One.
An acceptance?
Wednesday, September 19, 2012
Approaching The 36th Hour
Kindred,
In a bit over one half hour, it will be 36 hours since I last slept. No slumber.
My body at this time is not registering the exhaustion - I think I feel within. My right ear is listening to crazy loud crickets. My Deaf left is letting me listen to the constant beep-beep-beep of Mores Code. My forehead is wet from perspiration, the dizziness a six and nausea at same level.
I have noticed that my Droopy Left Eye grows lazy when I am exhausted. Lazy, in the sense of being extra droopy. This is one thing that never recovered from the first operation. Me and my Droopy Left Eye. Sounds like a song, en'it?
It does not seem for real that I have been awake for thirty six continuous hours. There is something like separation's that have occurred within. Self protection? I am not knowing, but I sure do feel detached. Yes, I am here - but there's something just not quite right going on inside.
The balance and coordination piece is foul. My vision impaired. What am I to do, but wait for sleep to come swift me off to Dream World.
Seen.
In a bit over one half hour, it will be 36 hours since I last slept. No slumber.
My body at this time is not registering the exhaustion - I think I feel within. My right ear is listening to crazy loud crickets. My Deaf left is letting me listen to the constant beep-beep-beep of Mores Code. My forehead is wet from perspiration, the dizziness a six and nausea at same level.
I have noticed that my Droopy Left Eye grows lazy when I am exhausted. Lazy, in the sense of being extra droopy. This is one thing that never recovered from the first operation. Me and my Droopy Left Eye. Sounds like a song, en'it?
It does not seem for real that I have been awake for thirty six continuous hours. There is something like separation's that have occurred within. Self protection? I am not knowing, but I sure do feel detached. Yes, I am here - but there's something just not quite right going on inside.
The balance and coordination piece is foul. My vision impaired. What am I to do, but wait for sleep to come swift me off to Dream World.
Seen.
Meniere's Disease And Suicide
I noticed that a guest located My Path, by typing in the words Meniere's Disease, Suicide.
My dearest Kindred, please know that I have shared similar thoughts and processes you are feeling, thinking and going through. These days, I very seldom think of suicide anymore, but I do share with you now that Meniere's will drive an individual to consider and contemplate such.
There is undoubtedly some geek statistic keeper who knows how many of us living with Meniere's Disease and it's many symptoms have committed suicide. We're statistics having this damned disease - whether we like it or not, it is so. We're patient numbers and reference numbers. Medical record numbers. And so on.
I know and am aware that Meniere's is not a terminal disease. In other words, I know I won't die from it. There were times in the past when I thought very seriously about doing myself great bodily harm. Gladly I did not although I punished myself in other ways and means.
Today, I have moved on and beyond the thoughts of suicide or even hurting myself for that matter. With the greatest urgency I ask that you please seek some psychological assistance and perhaps some psychotherapy as well. I was blessed with both and to have both. An awesome shrink and a therapist I refer to as Sir Dude. My life wouldn't be the same without these two right good gentlemen and their staff. I am Blessed.
Ask for help. If you can not afford counsel, search for a Meniere's support group...
...just please, Kind One, do not kill yourself over this bullshit disease. life is so short and is so short enough as it is. Please, live and live to learn how to work with this not against it.
I know.
Yes, I do believe in today being a good day to die. But, it's also one heck of a fabulous day to be alive. So I live and walk My Path. And do my best to handle Meniere's assertively. Please note, if you should ever wish to contact me for conversation or to answer questions...
...Holla!
My dearest Kindred, please know that I have shared similar thoughts and processes you are feeling, thinking and going through. These days, I very seldom think of suicide anymore, but I do share with you now that Meniere's will drive an individual to consider and contemplate such.
There is undoubtedly some geek statistic keeper who knows how many of us living with Meniere's Disease and it's many symptoms have committed suicide. We're statistics having this damned disease - whether we like it or not, it is so. We're patient numbers and reference numbers. Medical record numbers. And so on.
I know and am aware that Meniere's is not a terminal disease. In other words, I know I won't die from it. There were times in the past when I thought very seriously about doing myself great bodily harm. Gladly I did not although I punished myself in other ways and means.
Today, I have moved on and beyond the thoughts of suicide or even hurting myself for that matter. With the greatest urgency I ask that you please seek some psychological assistance and perhaps some psychotherapy as well. I was blessed with both and to have both. An awesome shrink and a therapist I refer to as Sir Dude. My life wouldn't be the same without these two right good gentlemen and their staff. I am Blessed.
Ask for help. If you can not afford counsel, search for a Meniere's support group...
...just please, Kind One, do not kill yourself over this bullshit disease. life is so short and is so short enough as it is. Please, live and live to learn how to work with this not against it.
I know.
Yes, I do believe in today being a good day to die. But, it's also one heck of a fabulous day to be alive. So I live and walk My Path. And do my best to handle Meniere's assertively. Please note, if you should ever wish to contact me for conversation or to answer questions...
...Holla!
29 Hours And Moving Along
I want to aqua-cise, so I'm off to the pool for a dip and some water exercise. I am working on reaching the goal of +300 curls. That would put me over and beyond yesterday's 270. It is so very amazing how these biceps are changing before my very eyes. This has been a slow process, but I speculate that seeing veins and bulging muscles will provide extra incentives. Yes, no doubt actually.
Twenty-Nine hours have passed since I last slept or, that is woke from a sleep. I am realizing more about what fears are developing within and hope that I'll have the foresight to handle what comes my way. I have completed minor and simple tasks, am not trying to get myself hurt under these near delirious conditions.
Having even more peculiar sounds and noises this early afternoon. Had the music up to try to assist me, but it didn't work. They're both occupied with these distractions. The deaf one and the other. At this moment, in my right ear, I am listening to a Woman scream and screaming out loud. Unceasingly!
I have conducted business as usual. As I had originally planed when I realized I was in for a disturbing evening and night. Shit, the morning too for that matter. My plan for tonight is to retire as early as possible. Post meal and time with my wife.
Please, oh please, Great One, please let these noises and sounds be easier on me and my body...
...me, because I hear and listen and my body because I am as if I had had my ass stomped. From my toes to the scalp surrounding my skull, I am pained.
I just gotta go.
Twenty-Nine hours have passed since I last slept or, that is woke from a sleep. I am realizing more about what fears are developing within and hope that I'll have the foresight to handle what comes my way. I have completed minor and simple tasks, am not trying to get myself hurt under these near delirious conditions.
Having even more peculiar sounds and noises this early afternoon. Had the music up to try to assist me, but it didn't work. They're both occupied with these distractions. The deaf one and the other. At this moment, in my right ear, I am listening to a Woman scream and screaming out loud. Unceasingly!
I have conducted business as usual. As I had originally planed when I realized I was in for a disturbing evening and night. Shit, the morning too for that matter. My plan for tonight is to retire as early as possible. Post meal and time with my wife.
Please, oh please, Great One, please let these noises and sounds be easier on me and my body...
...me, because I hear and listen and my body because I am as if I had had my ass stomped. From my toes to the scalp surrounding my skull, I am pained.
I just gotta go.
Ma'am
Dearest Ma'am,
Yes, I know there has been a lot of time away from one and another.
My heart skips a beat when I think of the evening's we shared and held onto each other.
Your skin, white as milk and your full beautiful breasts so transparent, I saw your veins.
The energy within me fought the urge to let you take me. I was so afraid of all the pain.
I remember that evening down by the pier on Tampa Bay.
My eyes see you as you were that night.
So beautiful and brilliantly bright.
My heart remembers to this day, the way I felt that day.
Your skin, white as milk and your full beautiful breasts so transparent I saw your veins.
The energy between us fought the urge that burned in our Center, and we were afraid of the pain.
That time we sat on the bench there at the park.
There on that cool Autumn night - so windy, yet nothing was keeping away that spark.
That energy that we built and had reached extraordinary heights.
From that moment on, I knew I could not be alone with you. Or you with me. Not at night.
.
Your skin, white as milk and your full beautiful breast so transparent I saw you veins.
We knew how close we came. We knew just how much damage would be done - how much pain
I remember your hugs and your kiss,
as if it were last week - you sent me into a splendid bliss.
Your taste, your lips - so sweet and tender.
How could I - I thought, really do this to her.
.
Your skin, white as milk and your full beautiful breasts so transparent I saw your veins.
The energy between us burned and yearned in our center, yet we stopped and ceased the pains.
Yes, I know there has been a lot of time away from one and another.
My heart skips a beat when I think of the evening's we shared and held onto each other.
Your skin, white as milk and your full beautiful breasts so transparent, I saw your veins.
The energy within me fought the urge to let you take me. I was so afraid of all the pain.
I remember that evening down by the pier on Tampa Bay.
My eyes see you as you were that night.
So beautiful and brilliantly bright.
My heart remembers to this day, the way I felt that day.
Your skin, white as milk and your full beautiful breasts so transparent I saw your veins.
The energy between us fought the urge that burned in our Center, and we were afraid of the pain.
That time we sat on the bench there at the park.
There on that cool Autumn night - so windy, yet nothing was keeping away that spark.
That energy that we built and had reached extraordinary heights.
From that moment on, I knew I could not be alone with you. Or you with me. Not at night.
.
Your skin, white as milk and your full beautiful breast so transparent I saw you veins.
We knew how close we came. We knew just how much damage would be done - how much pain
I remember your hugs and your kiss,
as if it were last week - you sent me into a splendid bliss.
Your taste, your lips - so sweet and tender.
How could I - I thought, really do this to her.
.
Your skin, white as milk and your full beautiful breasts so transparent I saw your veins.
The energy between us burned and yearned in our center, yet we stopped and ceased the pains.
26 Hours On
Kin,
Have found myself here 26 hours later and wide awake. As if I had slept the night over. No, no sleep, yet I am continuing my day to day as I would have regularly. I did step out side for a while and gardened in the South yards. Both the South East and the South West yards are completed. Soon the time will come to utilize my yard dude less and the yard will be much easier to garden and maintain. There is a relief that comes knowing that for the next few months a time out will be in place. Maybe a few seasonal vegetables, herbs, spices and pepper's, just nothing too heavy. Am not sure yet, but then, this is why I am nesting. Out side and in side too. Just yesterday the American Cancer Research Center stopped by and picked up four boxes of donations. Mostly clothes this time around, which is something our Kindred here are always in greatest demand.
Wait! I am listening to a race car rev it's motor out back. No, I'm not going to check. Damned loud too! What the hell is this?! Oh, My God! My right-good-bad-ear-hole to the brain is confused and I have gone a couple of speeds higher on the dizziness. There is sweat and perspiration developing on and about my head. I feel this stream down my chest and stomach. The nausea is down the center. The worms and spiders have been out to play and annoy today. Bastards!
Oh yes, back to the yards - I do have some focus on the North yards including Central Park to take care of. Especially, the Sacred Grounds in the North West Park. I am considering the trimming of palms but am undecided. I have Bonsai'ed two shrubs in the North East Park, this is the one next to the pool. I like the way these look when snipped nice and consistent. The palm trees add this beach scene and vibe. I like that. I like that alot.
Okay, LOOK! I must go see what the hell is making this damned race car noise! Be right back...
...no race car. In the back or the front of our lodge. I am not mad, but this shit here is maddening!
I observe that my vision suffers badly when I go through these scenario's of Meniere's Disease. Especially when out side - the vision gets all very blurry. Which, along with this dizziness creates a Health Hazard with every step I take. I have both telephones on my person for the just in case something was to happen. And am walking one step at a time.
Will send out a communique in brief time. The Sun has removed from the clouds and I want to have a look and see at what my Yard Dude did yesterday. maybe touch a garden or two.
Got to keep on truckin'...
Have found myself here 26 hours later and wide awake. As if I had slept the night over. No, no sleep, yet I am continuing my day to day as I would have regularly. I did step out side for a while and gardened in the South yards. Both the South East and the South West yards are completed. Soon the time will come to utilize my yard dude less and the yard will be much easier to garden and maintain. There is a relief that comes knowing that for the next few months a time out will be in place. Maybe a few seasonal vegetables, herbs, spices and pepper's, just nothing too heavy. Am not sure yet, but then, this is why I am nesting. Out side and in side too. Just yesterday the American Cancer Research Center stopped by and picked up four boxes of donations. Mostly clothes this time around, which is something our Kindred here are always in greatest demand.
Wait! I am listening to a race car rev it's motor out back. No, I'm not going to check. Damned loud too! What the hell is this?! Oh, My God! My right-good-bad-ear-hole to the brain is confused and I have gone a couple of speeds higher on the dizziness. There is sweat and perspiration developing on and about my head. I feel this stream down my chest and stomach. The nausea is down the center. The worms and spiders have been out to play and annoy today. Bastards!
Oh yes, back to the yards - I do have some focus on the North yards including Central Park to take care of. Especially, the Sacred Grounds in the North West Park. I am considering the trimming of palms but am undecided. I have Bonsai'ed two shrubs in the North East Park, this is the one next to the pool. I like the way these look when snipped nice and consistent. The palm trees add this beach scene and vibe. I like that. I like that alot.
Okay, LOOK! I must go see what the hell is making this damned race car noise! Be right back...
...no race car. In the back or the front of our lodge. I am not mad, but this shit here is maddening!
I observe that my vision suffers badly when I go through these scenario's of Meniere's Disease. Especially when out side - the vision gets all very blurry. Which, along with this dizziness creates a Health Hazard with every step I take. I have both telephones on my person for the just in case something was to happen. And am walking one step at a time.
Will send out a communique in brief time. The Sun has removed from the clouds and I want to have a look and see at what my Yard Dude did yesterday. maybe touch a garden or two.
Got to keep on truckin'...
The Sun Has Risen
Kindred,
For the past two or so days clouds have covered the sky and brought with the clouds much rain.
The Sun, is shining out there right now and I want to feel the warmth on my face and skin.
Absorbing some free Vitamin D is keen.
I will connect back here in a few - there are things outside I wish to do.
Today's goal is +300 curls. Done slowly literally. See and observe the veins in my arms change with me. Bulge as I practice and continue with the Physical Therapy.
I've got to keep on truckin' babe.
Must push this envelope until pushing becomes exhausting. Then, I know I have had a good day.
Ya-Hey! And all have a safe and fantastic day!
It's just me, Mario, walking about My Path.
For the past two or so days clouds have covered the sky and brought with the clouds much rain.
The Sun, is shining out there right now and I want to feel the warmth on my face and skin.
Absorbing some free Vitamin D is keen.
I will connect back here in a few - there are things outside I wish to do.
Today's goal is +300 curls. Done slowly literally. See and observe the veins in my arms change with me. Bulge as I practice and continue with the Physical Therapy.
I've got to keep on truckin' babe.
Must push this envelope until pushing becomes exhausting. Then, I know I have had a good day.
Ya-Hey! And all have a safe and fantastic day!
It's just me, Mario, walking about My Path.
Silver Springs
I so could use a trip to Silver Springs, just my Baby and me. Hit the high-way I-75 headed North and let time pass by slowly for a spell. If we're fortunate enough maybe we'll catch Buffalo up there between Gainsville and Ocala, Florida...
...even if we don't go out to eat or maybe not stop for Post Cards. Like a car needs a tune up.
I just want us to visit our favorite motel in the entire South East - that gorgeous Gem of a find right there in Silver Springs, by the name 'Sun Plaza Motel'. Very right there on the corner of S.R. 40 and S.R. 35. A peaceful little spot that seems to be freeze framed back in time. I can just imagine the cars and trucks that pulled up to this car port and stayed a spell. Always clean and polite and have always obliged us a refrigerator for Brenda's medications.
Silver Springs, is just this West side of the Ocala National Forests and Preserves. There are gator and fish living the good life in the water ways that cut across this National Park. Similarly, there's the old red dirt roads that slice up the park into pieces so that it's damned near impossible to get lost. Folks do - I don't mean to minimize, but one would have to be totally unfamiliar with the Four Directions. There are lakes, creeks, rivers and ponds out here. Beautiful prairies for as far as the eye can see.
There's a bunch of good Folks out in the villages deep in the forests. Then, there are the some I would probably not have much to say to. For that matter, it appears to me that all of Ocala, Gainsville and Silver Springs are full of good Folk. Had always enjoyed myself back in the day when I would take day trips out into and adventure in the wood lands. Even Brenda has tagged along for a journey or three. So much peaceful fun to be had and such awesome Folk to meet. Good food to eat too. From authentic Mexican Restaurants to Mom and Pops Places to the same old food joints we see everywhere we travel. I have always enjoyed getting off the beaten path and search for new foods and possibly that awesome Old Down South Fried Chicken House! Folks don't know.
I always avoided the Air Force Military Bases out there. Didn't want to be somebody's accident. Seen.
The wild life is abundant and plentiful. Turkey, deer, duck and other foul. Oh God, yes, the Wild Boar Hunts and alligator hunting when in season. I have seen Turtles larger than some I have seen in captivity. So huge! Been so close to Deer, they startled off only once glancing upon me. Standing so still.
Quiet. Serenity. Peaceful and walking in Grace.
In the Company Of The Great Spirit.
...even if we don't go out to eat or maybe not stop for Post Cards. Like a car needs a tune up.
I just want us to visit our favorite motel in the entire South East - that gorgeous Gem of a find right there in Silver Springs, by the name 'Sun Plaza Motel'. Very right there on the corner of S.R. 40 and S.R. 35. A peaceful little spot that seems to be freeze framed back in time. I can just imagine the cars and trucks that pulled up to this car port and stayed a spell. Always clean and polite and have always obliged us a refrigerator for Brenda's medications.
Silver Springs, is just this West side of the Ocala National Forests and Preserves. There are gator and fish living the good life in the water ways that cut across this National Park. Similarly, there's the old red dirt roads that slice up the park into pieces so that it's damned near impossible to get lost. Folks do - I don't mean to minimize, but one would have to be totally unfamiliar with the Four Directions. There are lakes, creeks, rivers and ponds out here. Beautiful prairies for as far as the eye can see.
There's a bunch of good Folks out in the villages deep in the forests. Then, there are the some I would probably not have much to say to. For that matter, it appears to me that all of Ocala, Gainsville and Silver Springs are full of good Folk. Had always enjoyed myself back in the day when I would take day trips out into and adventure in the wood lands. Even Brenda has tagged along for a journey or three. So much peaceful fun to be had and such awesome Folk to meet. Good food to eat too. From authentic Mexican Restaurants to Mom and Pops Places to the same old food joints we see everywhere we travel. I have always enjoyed getting off the beaten path and search for new foods and possibly that awesome Old Down South Fried Chicken House! Folks don't know.
I always avoided the Air Force Military Bases out there. Didn't want to be somebody's accident. Seen.
The wild life is abundant and plentiful. Turkey, deer, duck and other foul. Oh God, yes, the Wild Boar Hunts and alligator hunting when in season. I have seen Turtles larger than some I have seen in captivity. So huge! Been so close to Deer, they startled off only once glancing upon me. Standing so still.
Quiet. Serenity. Peaceful and walking in Grace.
In the Company Of The Great Spirit.
Nix The Sleep
Kind Folks,
Please understand I have made several attempts at laying down to go rest and drift off to Dream World. Futile is a minimalist term when it comes to what I have endured this past night and early morning. As in 0433 early. Not normal - this sort of stuff. Have lost track now of how many episodes of non-sleep I have had. I'm glad, now I can stop counting.
My body is exhausted and my neck and spine hurts awful. I am beyond uncomfortable.
These loud dreadful sounds and noises have once again attacked and attacked with force. These seem to make matters worse. Hard as I may, this spell isn't going away.
I will go about my day as usual the remainder of today. I have done this before and looks as if I'm headed there again. I had light tasks planed and hoped to garden if weather permitted. Will plan to go to bed early tonight to catch up on the rest and sleep.
The sounds in my right ear are beeps and what sounds like random messages. Have done my best to ignore these, all to no avail. Hectic and forceful beeps - as in someone is in a mess message. I have had the sound of that sonar noise submarines made when I was a boy. Hell, I remember seeing those old black and white's with Wars at Sea and what not. When the sonic radar noise goes off in my head and doesn't know when to stop - I grow concerned. There is anxiety mixed in with alot of these sounds and noises and my dearest Kin, I am stuck. Right here, right now with nothing I can do. By golly, there must be some sort of medication that will assist me with the dizziness and these damned sounds and noises. There must be! This Meniere's Disease is playing with my damned emotions and I am prepared to try anything new He-Who-Touched-My-Brain may have to assist me. Please.
And yes, it is I the reluctant pill eater saying this! Help somebody.
I've done gone goofy.
Please understand I have made several attempts at laying down to go rest and drift off to Dream World. Futile is a minimalist term when it comes to what I have endured this past night and early morning. As in 0433 early. Not normal - this sort of stuff. Have lost track now of how many episodes of non-sleep I have had. I'm glad, now I can stop counting.
My body is exhausted and my neck and spine hurts awful. I am beyond uncomfortable.
These loud dreadful sounds and noises have once again attacked and attacked with force. These seem to make matters worse. Hard as I may, this spell isn't going away.
I will go about my day as usual the remainder of today. I have done this before and looks as if I'm headed there again. I had light tasks planed and hoped to garden if weather permitted. Will plan to go to bed early tonight to catch up on the rest and sleep.
The sounds in my right ear are beeps and what sounds like random messages. Have done my best to ignore these, all to no avail. Hectic and forceful beeps - as in someone is in a mess message. I have had the sound of that sonar noise submarines made when I was a boy. Hell, I remember seeing those old black and white's with Wars at Sea and what not. When the sonic radar noise goes off in my head and doesn't know when to stop - I grow concerned. There is anxiety mixed in with alot of these sounds and noises and my dearest Kin, I am stuck. Right here, right now with nothing I can do. By golly, there must be some sort of medication that will assist me with the dizziness and these damned sounds and noises. There must be! This Meniere's Disease is playing with my damned emotions and I am prepared to try anything new He-Who-Touched-My-Brain may have to assist me. Please.
And yes, it is I the reluctant pill eater saying this! Help somebody.
I've done gone goofy.
Joan Armatrading - Love And Affection (Live Jools Holland 2007).avi
Relations,
This is a Woman, I have enjoyed listening to over the years.
This is a Woman, I have enjoyed growing elder together over the decades. I see hers and she sees my wrinkles. Joan, Hun, I've done gone grey and balding too Boo. WTF? I know!
Joan, I love you, Ma'am! I have always loved you and to this day still have you pressed on plastic and now pressed into this iPod of mine.
When in Tampa, come, join my wife Brenda and I for tea and let us continue to grow up with one another.
Love always,
Mario
Tuesday, September 18, 2012
May I Share This?
There have been some medical issues that have troubled me today. Besides the shortness of breathe and the Meniere's Disease symptoms and rubbish. So please, let me share this.
First of all, I have been having pain scattered about the left side of my scalp and skull. When these sharp stabbing, sometimes throbbing pains strike, I am able to apply pressure and eventually the pain sub-sides. I do eat 800 mg of Nueronton daily. I eat three halves of this huge pill daily. Sometimes I can feel the pill scrape the side of my throat on the way down. Rather like a corn chip or potato crisp that has gone down the wrong way - all which feels like a razor cutting into the sides of my Adam's apple. I pray at this moment, please let this medication be assisting me in this battle with the post-surgery-nuerogenic-pain that I wouldn't have if My Path had not crossed with this Meniere's. I do not eat or take any pain relief medication for these symptoms of 'my' Meniere's. I get by and keep on truckin'...
...secondly, I had a dreadful attack of the Proctalgia Phoguax. My Great Spirit, I share with you, my Guests today, these are the type of cramps that stop my world. Most damned awful pain one could have up and in their under carriage. A complete medical mystery too! I have not had one doctor give me reason or tell me that this was a result of the incest and rapes I survived as a child, adolescent and young adult. I reckon it doesn't matter much to me what they say anymore. Not when it comes to the spasm's of my rectum. Yes, it's true. And God YES, it is horribly Painful! And by the way, yes I believe to my bones that this is a result of being sexually abused.
Thirdly, my neck and upper spine have been hurting me at times of close to an 8 in a scale of 1 - 10. That bad. Have not called my neurologist yet, but will should this continue. I mean, shit! It's like the poop is hitting my fan from which ever direction. I medicated by doctors orders. Applied pressure points and massage myself. If it works work it. And yes, I will call if this worsens.
Fourthly, I have just settled down from one hell of a sweat. The nausea has me burping with the hopes that burping helps me. It does. I have been dizzy ALL day, some points dangerous on the feet. The sounds-a-plenty and major loudness most all of today. Shits loud right now! Maybe a good thing then that the rains came and dripped all day. The thunder and lightening came and went - but the rains remained. Excellent preparation for our drier months ahead. Although, I do stick with the wetter Fall and Winter. Our trees, plants and shrubbery will go into a dormant state soon. Extra water is bonus. All of which kept me in doors today.
So, I did 270 curls spread through-out the day. Tomorrow I plan on doing 300. A good number.
I have read, I have had prayer and ceremony, was able to connect with Kindred, World Wide. I have nurtured my body well today. Ate well. Drank plenty fluids and passed plenty fluids. Maintained an even approach to what took place in my life today. Lived Life...
...One step at a time. I get by and keep on truckin'...
...one breathe at a time.
First of all, I have been having pain scattered about the left side of my scalp and skull. When these sharp stabbing, sometimes throbbing pains strike, I am able to apply pressure and eventually the pain sub-sides. I do eat 800 mg of Nueronton daily. I eat three halves of this huge pill daily. Sometimes I can feel the pill scrape the side of my throat on the way down. Rather like a corn chip or potato crisp that has gone down the wrong way - all which feels like a razor cutting into the sides of my Adam's apple. I pray at this moment, please let this medication be assisting me in this battle with the post-surgery-nuerogenic-pain that I wouldn't have if My Path had not crossed with this Meniere's. I do not eat or take any pain relief medication for these symptoms of 'my' Meniere's. I get by and keep on truckin'...
...secondly, I had a dreadful attack of the Proctalgia Phoguax. My Great Spirit, I share with you, my Guests today, these are the type of cramps that stop my world. Most damned awful pain one could have up and in their under carriage. A complete medical mystery too! I have not had one doctor give me reason or tell me that this was a result of the incest and rapes I survived as a child, adolescent and young adult. I reckon it doesn't matter much to me what they say anymore. Not when it comes to the spasm's of my rectum. Yes, it's true. And God YES, it is horribly Painful! And by the way, yes I believe to my bones that this is a result of being sexually abused.
Thirdly, my neck and upper spine have been hurting me at times of close to an 8 in a scale of 1 - 10. That bad. Have not called my neurologist yet, but will should this continue. I mean, shit! It's like the poop is hitting my fan from which ever direction. I medicated by doctors orders. Applied pressure points and massage myself. If it works work it. And yes, I will call if this worsens.
Fourthly, I have just settled down from one hell of a sweat. The nausea has me burping with the hopes that burping helps me. It does. I have been dizzy ALL day, some points dangerous on the feet. The sounds-a-plenty and major loudness most all of today. Shits loud right now! Maybe a good thing then that the rains came and dripped all day. The thunder and lightening came and went - but the rains remained. Excellent preparation for our drier months ahead. Although, I do stick with the wetter Fall and Winter. Our trees, plants and shrubbery will go into a dormant state soon. Extra water is bonus. All of which kept me in doors today.
So, I did 270 curls spread through-out the day. Tomorrow I plan on doing 300. A good number.
I have read, I have had prayer and ceremony, was able to connect with Kindred, World Wide. I have nurtured my body well today. Ate well. Drank plenty fluids and passed plenty fluids. Maintained an even approach to what took place in my life today. Lived Life...
...One step at a time. I get by and keep on truckin'...
...one breathe at a time.
My Prayers To North Africa and All Of Arabia
Relations,
This is my Prayer and in Ceremony for my Brethren across North Africa and throughout The Middle East. Insha Allah!
Shahadah, please I beg of you and pray that you please with great haste communicate this message of peace for all of Mankind to God! The only One God! I pray that all the prophets beseech thee brethren to please let there be peace! If it was necessary for me to sacrifice my blood for this to be true, I would bleed for you!
My every cell crys and screams for what is happening amongst Kindred who have sat and broken bread together! My Spirit's send out good and right energies to all of God's people who live in these regions of Mother Earth! My Soul aches and is harmed by what it is I see and read about. The un-necessary murder of people's...
...the horrible and terror offences going on at this moment in Syria far out weigh what it is this fool idiot dog has done with the inflammatory motion picture! The film created by this Coptic and his pack of dogs is not endeared to or endorsed by our majority of citizens, nor is this the norm for America and our American people's.
There have been many times I have prayed for these very nations - through out North Africa and Arabia! Time and time again, I get on my knees and pray for Morocco, the land of my fathers fore-fathers. Since childhood I have prayed for Egypt, Algeria, Turkey, Libya and on and on.
There are millions of fellow Americans who care. I just happen to be one.
Please Brethren, let there be peace and understanding. I am certain the dog and his pack will be dealt with harshly. Insha Allah!
Shukram!
This is my Prayer and in Ceremony for my Brethren across North Africa and throughout The Middle East. Insha Allah!
Shahadah, please I beg of you and pray that you please with great haste communicate this message of peace for all of Mankind to God! The only One God! I pray that all the prophets beseech thee brethren to please let there be peace! If it was necessary for me to sacrifice my blood for this to be true, I would bleed for you!
My every cell crys and screams for what is happening amongst Kindred who have sat and broken bread together! My Spirit's send out good and right energies to all of God's people who live in these regions of Mother Earth! My Soul aches and is harmed by what it is I see and read about. The un-necessary murder of people's...
...the horrible and terror offences going on at this moment in Syria far out weigh what it is this fool idiot dog has done with the inflammatory motion picture! The film created by this Coptic and his pack of dogs is not endeared to or endorsed by our majority of citizens, nor is this the norm for America and our American people's.
There have been many times I have prayed for these very nations - through out North Africa and Arabia! Time and time again, I get on my knees and pray for Morocco, the land of my fathers fore-fathers. Since childhood I have prayed for Egypt, Algeria, Turkey, Libya and on and on.
There are millions of fellow Americans who care. I just happen to be one.
Please Brethren, let there be peace and understanding. I am certain the dog and his pack will be dealt with harshly. Insha Allah!
Shukram!
Listening To My Spirit's
Greeting Relations,
I journaled this in the way to early hours of this morning. I was actually trying to rest and go to Dream World, but the loud noises and sounds kept me up until past 0400. That was the last time I looked at my digital clock anyway, and I beat the clock this morning by waking prior to 0900 as a bonus. But Ommm, my dearest Kindred, the sounds were horrendous until right about 0345 when they began to calm and lower the volume from with-in my skull. The sounds of a Boeing Monster Jet Aeroplane blasting out back had me close to waking Brenda. For a spell there I was afraid I was losing control...
...I then remembered I have no control of this maddening Meniere's and it's symptoms. Last night and today I have also listened to the crickets, locusts and cicadas - in philharmonic splendor! There was the sound of an old locomotive passing by - must be a tunnel or something near by, because this bitch was not on the street in front of my house. So loud - so for real, I just had to stick my head out the front door. Good-goodness!
My Dearest God!
My Soul and my Spirit's pick up on the subtle weather changes here. You wouldn't notice unless you're a Native Floridian. Too many times a cool breeze brush me by and the water in our cement pond, our pool has gone quite cool in fact.
My Spirit's and them who live within are preparing and ready for the cooler times ahead and Winter. The Autumn quickly approaches. This becomes the season of my birth, this is time of year the Crow comes Home. The one nesting here is doing and has done an outstanding job pre-tasking and the preparation's.
I reckon this Winter coming is going to be a cold one. Yes, coldest in long time. More rain too.
There is something I wish to share with you, my Kind Kin. Please, know and understand that what I am about to share is true, mad, and a Blessing from the Great Spirit. So, as it is I say and type, so it was and is...
...I was witness to and saw with my own eye's the "Bright Light From The Other Side". I did not look straight into it. Though quickly made a double take and within that instant - it was gone. I have debated with myself as to whether I should be sad or glad really. I have made truce and oblige myself the thought that this was a message of some sort and that it just was not my time to look.
I miss this, me laying here nights. Listening to my wife and two of our three hounds snore more and louder than I. I lay here with pen in my left hand, journaling. Yes, I am dizzy, am perspiring in bed - in a cooled lodge and these noises loud and obnoxious. Nausea is coasting in the middle. I was mighty close to dialing He-Who-Touched-My-Brain. So close damned close.
I miss the me who lived in this skin years ago - me before the Meniere's...
...for a few minutes earlier, with my mind, heart and Spirit's In Cherokee...
...I forgot.
Me
I journaled this in the way to early hours of this morning. I was actually trying to rest and go to Dream World, but the loud noises and sounds kept me up until past 0400. That was the last time I looked at my digital clock anyway, and I beat the clock this morning by waking prior to 0900 as a bonus. But Ommm, my dearest Kindred, the sounds were horrendous until right about 0345 when they began to calm and lower the volume from with-in my skull. The sounds of a Boeing Monster Jet Aeroplane blasting out back had me close to waking Brenda. For a spell there I was afraid I was losing control...
...I then remembered I have no control of this maddening Meniere's and it's symptoms. Last night and today I have also listened to the crickets, locusts and cicadas - in philharmonic splendor! There was the sound of an old locomotive passing by - must be a tunnel or something near by, because this bitch was not on the street in front of my house. So loud - so for real, I just had to stick my head out the front door. Good-goodness!
My Dearest God!
My Soul and my Spirit's pick up on the subtle weather changes here. You wouldn't notice unless you're a Native Floridian. Too many times a cool breeze brush me by and the water in our cement pond, our pool has gone quite cool in fact.
My Spirit's and them who live within are preparing and ready for the cooler times ahead and Winter. The Autumn quickly approaches. This becomes the season of my birth, this is time of year the Crow comes Home. The one nesting here is doing and has done an outstanding job pre-tasking and the preparation's.
I reckon this Winter coming is going to be a cold one. Yes, coldest in long time. More rain too.
There is something I wish to share with you, my Kind Kin. Please, know and understand that what I am about to share is true, mad, and a Blessing from the Great Spirit. So, as it is I say and type, so it was and is...
...I was witness to and saw with my own eye's the "Bright Light From The Other Side". I did not look straight into it. Though quickly made a double take and within that instant - it was gone. I have debated with myself as to whether I should be sad or glad really. I have made truce and oblige myself the thought that this was a message of some sort and that it just was not my time to look.
I miss this, me laying here nights. Listening to my wife and two of our three hounds snore more and louder than I. I lay here with pen in my left hand, journaling. Yes, I am dizzy, am perspiring in bed - in a cooled lodge and these noises loud and obnoxious. Nausea is coasting in the middle. I was mighty close to dialing He-Who-Touched-My-Brain. So close damned close.
I miss the me who lived in this skin years ago - me before the Meniere's...
...for a few minutes earlier, with my mind, heart and Spirit's In Cherokee...
...I forgot.
Me
Lightening, Thunder And Rain, Oh My
I am listening to the Yard Man mow my front yard while dodging lightening and thunder. It's raining cats and dogs out there too. By the pail full, Honey's, but my brother out there is a Yankee and is in fact from New York. I reckon there must not be too much lightening and thunder up there. I don't know, because I know my Relations know how I am about having respect for those bolts of electricity. Papa don't play with this because I don't have time for that getting struck and put in hospital, the front page of news paper and or struck dead. Here in these parts of Florida, that happens every other month or so. Some Folks should know to get off the Golf Course or to get the hell out of the Gulf of Mexico or Tampa Bay...
...but, no. Folks get zapped here just way to frequently and honestly, I am surprised we don't have more deaths because when it rains down here, The God's tend to throw darts of lightening at Folks like my Yard Dude out there weed whacking now. Or those kids up at the basketball courts or the tennis courts next to the courts. Folk's walking about - to the store of the Bus Stop. Look, I've been out there myself. Yes-yes, by accident, but I'm letting you all know that I have seen Folks out there in full torrential down pour and lightening striking and thunder so loud it will make a grown Man scream like a little girl. Um yeah, I know.
Earlier this morning the rain was falling so fast and in such amount as to create a bit of angst in my Core. If it had continued as it was - Freedom Lawn care would not be out there attending to my beautiful lawn's and grass. I don't think. (The thunder rolls) Am not sure if I have shared this with my guests, so I'll do so now. This small piece of Mother Earth where we live is separated into several parks. My neighbours to my West wish to purchase a bench to place in the shade of the Pine in the South West Lawn. There is much beautiful fern at it's base along with these cute purple plants that provide pretty-in-pink flowers for the honey bee's to come sip. There is a Cypress there also - the plant placed into Earth Mother in Honor of those very neighbours. Down and on line separating our small pieces of Mother earth are a row of shrubbery that the Right Good neighbour planted long ago. When I garden there in the South West Park, I often trim the shrubbery. I don't mind in the slightest. That perfectionist, you know. Also, many times he has mowed this small piece of Earth so that it flows when he has mowed his. I just love this natural exchange. It seems so right - such neighbourly love.
Right, just got back from a take-a-look at what my Yard Dude's up to. He's still right at it - through the rain, lightening and thunder! Bless his heart, don't he know better to get out the storm. I don't think so really...
...speaking of which, I think maybe I turn this ole boy off for a spell. If I were to have this on during a storm and get struck and burned - I wouldn't stop hearing about it for the remainder of my life here. Sorry Kin, I know my wife better than she thinks I do. Ha!
Ciao Bella's...
...but, no. Folks get zapped here just way to frequently and honestly, I am surprised we don't have more deaths because when it rains down here, The God's tend to throw darts of lightening at Folks like my Yard Dude out there weed whacking now. Or those kids up at the basketball courts or the tennis courts next to the courts. Folk's walking about - to the store of the Bus Stop. Look, I've been out there myself. Yes-yes, by accident, but I'm letting you all know that I have seen Folks out there in full torrential down pour and lightening striking and thunder so loud it will make a grown Man scream like a little girl. Um yeah, I know.
Earlier this morning the rain was falling so fast and in such amount as to create a bit of angst in my Core. If it had continued as it was - Freedom Lawn care would not be out there attending to my beautiful lawn's and grass. I don't think. (The thunder rolls) Am not sure if I have shared this with my guests, so I'll do so now. This small piece of Mother Earth where we live is separated into several parks. My neighbours to my West wish to purchase a bench to place in the shade of the Pine in the South West Lawn. There is much beautiful fern at it's base along with these cute purple plants that provide pretty-in-pink flowers for the honey bee's to come sip. There is a Cypress there also - the plant placed into Earth Mother in Honor of those very neighbours. Down and on line separating our small pieces of Mother earth are a row of shrubbery that the Right Good neighbour planted long ago. When I garden there in the South West Park, I often trim the shrubbery. I don't mind in the slightest. That perfectionist, you know. Also, many times he has mowed this small piece of Earth so that it flows when he has mowed his. I just love this natural exchange. It seems so right - such neighbourly love.
Right, just got back from a take-a-look at what my Yard Dude's up to. He's still right at it - through the rain, lightening and thunder! Bless his heart, don't he know better to get out the storm. I don't think so really...
...speaking of which, I think maybe I turn this ole boy off for a spell. If I were to have this on during a storm and get struck and burned - I wouldn't stop hearing about it for the remainder of my life here. Sorry Kin, I know my wife better than she thinks I do. Ha!
Ciao Bella's...
Monday, September 17, 2012
Today's Lesson's - Scotch Bonnet Pepper Alert
Relations,
Today's Lesson's,
There have been many lessons learned today. I'm a student at this age. And sometimes I am still amazed by what I see and observe, those things I am able to catch a hear to and watch as Mother Earth feeds me Her energy's from my feet to the left brain and it's hemisphere. I love to stand on Her back with bare feet. When able, I still scratch Her back to provide Her respite...
...one of the thing's I learned today was taught to me by my cousin down South of here a ways. I still don't know how really, but we communicated in another realm. Sort-of, kind-of-like. It must have been safe because She-Who-I-Love-So-Much, is on here and experimenting. Oh yes, I think I learned how to trade birthday information on the facebook. Wait, for me this is an awesome accomplishment. You just don't know, I am still such the novice.
Something else I learned today and I do believe it to have sunk in - is that I am the Official Dog-Poop-Picker-Upper of this residence. No, I really don't mind. Too much that is. I mean, shit, if I don't pick it up, the shits going to be in the same spots tomorrow. Oui? Yes, for Pete's Sake! So I go along with cane in hand and the pooper-scooper. And I'm a perfectionist too! Friend please...
...before I go too much further along with the odds-and-ends of my day, I do wish to share something out of character for me in a minute. I mean, I really done went and stepped on him.
One of the wonderful and fantastically awesome lessons learned today was being able to share my respect and love for a life long friend, Jerry. No last name, but that's his nick name anyway. It gave my heart and Spirit's comfort being able to tell Jerry that I love him. And that I miss him. And hearing Jerry, with his words and voice share same words with me. Touched my inner sanctuary's. Good Great One, I thank you! I thank you, for such Blessing's as these Life Long Friends that I have. I am thinking that there is a purpose behind these blessings. It's up to me to learn those lessons. There are so many and so many of us have been recently reunited or connected. God? Great Spirit, are You calling me?
I have noticed and learned that there is a scar on the left upper cheek where Dr, Snip-And-Cuts, removed the 'c' shit. I had never noticed this before this afternoons wash-this-day-right-out-of-my-hair. I reckon with the loss of weight and the change in skin complexion, this area about the size of a penny is like, so not a Chicken Pox scar. Any ways, I have been placing creme` right under my eyes and with this, who knows, it may be wurking. (Yes, I said wurking.)
Alright then, I think I shall proceed to the lesson learned late in life...
...earlier this afternoon I was cleaning out some Scotch Bonnets (peppers) to harvest the seeds for future generations. I'm a goof when it comes to seeds. Especially pepper's! I enjoy avocado and mango too. I wish to grow Key Limes and am in search of these presently. Alas, I have side tracked, excuse me please. You see, in my life I am certain I could not even guess-timate the amount of peppers eaten and or peppers handled by these hands. Thousands and thousands, and I know the drill - I've been around a spell.
Well, when I went to wash-this-day, I touched certain parts and pieces of my anatomy that should never ever come into contact with the oils of a Scotch Bonnet. NEVER! No, I did not cry! Yes, at first I did curse myself for hurting Mr. Wang and the surrounding landscape. Stuff got all red and burned like fire! Like hell fire - I don't know! It reminded me of some incident experienced as a child. My right eye was tearing because I went to wipe some soap. The fire in my eye was not the soap, it was Scotch Bonnet kicking my ass. I thought of dialing the 911 emergency number, but then thought naught. So wanted to call my wife, Brenda, but she would have laughed as if we were watching The Eddie Murphy Show! So I did not. Have not called a Soul. You are the first to know. Oh, God, yes really. There remains a tingling going on. By the way, it also affected my sinus and breathing for a spell. Felt and smelled as if I had inhaled tear gas. Honest.
Folks, please-please, always remember to wash your hands after handling any type of peppers. Four or five times each hand I say, because I only washed mine three times! It's better to be safe than sorry you all. Believe it, I know this now! As will Mr. Wang.
Many lesson's learned today.
Today's Lesson's,
There have been many lessons learned today. I'm a student at this age. And sometimes I am still amazed by what I see and observe, those things I am able to catch a hear to and watch as Mother Earth feeds me Her energy's from my feet to the left brain and it's hemisphere. I love to stand on Her back with bare feet. When able, I still scratch Her back to provide Her respite...
...one of the thing's I learned today was taught to me by my cousin down South of here a ways. I still don't know how really, but we communicated in another realm. Sort-of, kind-of-like. It must have been safe because She-Who-I-Love-So-Much, is on here and experimenting. Oh yes, I think I learned how to trade birthday information on the facebook. Wait, for me this is an awesome accomplishment. You just don't know, I am still such the novice.
Something else I learned today and I do believe it to have sunk in - is that I am the Official Dog-Poop-Picker-Upper of this residence. No, I really don't mind. Too much that is. I mean, shit, if I don't pick it up, the shits going to be in the same spots tomorrow. Oui? Yes, for Pete's Sake! So I go along with cane in hand and the pooper-scooper. And I'm a perfectionist too! Friend please...
...before I go too much further along with the odds-and-ends of my day, I do wish to share something out of character for me in a minute. I mean, I really done went and stepped on him.
One of the wonderful and fantastically awesome lessons learned today was being able to share my respect and love for a life long friend, Jerry. No last name, but that's his nick name anyway. It gave my heart and Spirit's comfort being able to tell Jerry that I love him. And that I miss him. And hearing Jerry, with his words and voice share same words with me. Touched my inner sanctuary's. Good Great One, I thank you! I thank you, for such Blessing's as these Life Long Friends that I have. I am thinking that there is a purpose behind these blessings. It's up to me to learn those lessons. There are so many and so many of us have been recently reunited or connected. God? Great Spirit, are You calling me?
I have noticed and learned that there is a scar on the left upper cheek where Dr, Snip-And-Cuts, removed the 'c' shit. I had never noticed this before this afternoons wash-this-day-right-out-of-my-hair. I reckon with the loss of weight and the change in skin complexion, this area about the size of a penny is like, so not a Chicken Pox scar. Any ways, I have been placing creme` right under my eyes and with this, who knows, it may be wurking. (Yes, I said wurking.)
Alright then, I think I shall proceed to the lesson learned late in life...
...earlier this afternoon I was cleaning out some Scotch Bonnets (peppers) to harvest the seeds for future generations. I'm a goof when it comes to seeds. Especially pepper's! I enjoy avocado and mango too. I wish to grow Key Limes and am in search of these presently. Alas, I have side tracked, excuse me please. You see, in my life I am certain I could not even guess-timate the amount of peppers eaten and or peppers handled by these hands. Thousands and thousands, and I know the drill - I've been around a spell.
Well, when I went to wash-this-day, I touched certain parts and pieces of my anatomy that should never ever come into contact with the oils of a Scotch Bonnet. NEVER! No, I did not cry! Yes, at first I did curse myself for hurting Mr. Wang and the surrounding landscape. Stuff got all red and burned like fire! Like hell fire - I don't know! It reminded me of some incident experienced as a child. My right eye was tearing because I went to wipe some soap. The fire in my eye was not the soap, it was Scotch Bonnet kicking my ass. I thought of dialing the 911 emergency number, but then thought naught. So wanted to call my wife, Brenda, but she would have laughed as if we were watching The Eddie Murphy Show! So I did not. Have not called a Soul. You are the first to know. Oh, God, yes really. There remains a tingling going on. By the way, it also affected my sinus and breathing for a spell. Felt and smelled as if I had inhaled tear gas. Honest.
Folks, please-please, always remember to wash your hands after handling any type of peppers. Four or five times each hand I say, because I only washed mine three times! It's better to be safe than sorry you all. Believe it, I know this now! As will Mr. Wang.
Many lesson's learned today.
Run
Greetings,
Early this afternoon, I awoke from a sleep that took along in slumber most of my life since Saturday evening. I wonder if it was the dizziness, or the productive nausea. I seriously don't think this was due to a Meniere's Attack. Could this have been from the exhaustion of trying to hear and listen? Was this due in part because of the energy required to try to tune out the sounds and nosies that are created by one dead ear and the other faltering? The energy spent from walking with purpose is exhausting. Keeping focus on step by step. Let me share that falling is horrifying to a grown ass man. An exhaustion that takes top priority post haste are whatever issues that accompany this disease that has taken and is taking my hearing. My body is sore, aches and is pained by something I can not see - something that has and takes control of me. I'm told this and that and listen to how this disease affects the body as a system. I hear how soon I'll lose that or this. How it is in that I am losing hearing and there's nothing more that can be done. It was disgusting the way my wife had to turn off my alarm clock this morning because I was not picking up on that loud ass sound that irritates us all...
...except me and this one beautiful ear that is losing sound. Daily. So inside of my self I run.
The deafness is horrid. I can't explain what having to wait for my right ear to awake and beginning to take a bit longer than usual, feels like. How could I describe that? The sudden and unannounced total silence and quite that envelops my world and I time and time again. Please, don't wait, just let me run. The sounds that have been alive with me while awake and in sleep these past three days have been exceptionally loud and extraordinarily frustrating. In my Left Deaf Ear there has been the sound of a roaring airplane that seems to be parked outside of my bedroom window. I also have had this irritating 'wahhhhhhhhhhhhhh' sound. Just as one might pronounce such a spelling, 'wahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh'! There has been the beeping of a truck in reverse. The sounds of Tarzan's Jungle in my right ear and on and on and on and no, there's not a damned thing I can do. So in my Spirit's, we try like hell to run.
I have had this wish to run physically for quite some time now. In my mind, I see myself running. The wind blowing through the curls atop my balding scalp and wind brushing my face. It would be some sight to see someone who stumbles while walking with a four-legged cane take to running. It's just not in the mix right yet. I so hope and pray that someday I will run.
And run.
Early this afternoon, I awoke from a sleep that took along in slumber most of my life since Saturday evening. I wonder if it was the dizziness, or the productive nausea. I seriously don't think this was due to a Meniere's Attack. Could this have been from the exhaustion of trying to hear and listen? Was this due in part because of the energy required to try to tune out the sounds and nosies that are created by one dead ear and the other faltering? The energy spent from walking with purpose is exhausting. Keeping focus on step by step. Let me share that falling is horrifying to a grown ass man. An exhaustion that takes top priority post haste are whatever issues that accompany this disease that has taken and is taking my hearing. My body is sore, aches and is pained by something I can not see - something that has and takes control of me. I'm told this and that and listen to how this disease affects the body as a system. I hear how soon I'll lose that or this. How it is in that I am losing hearing and there's nothing more that can be done. It was disgusting the way my wife had to turn off my alarm clock this morning because I was not picking up on that loud ass sound that irritates us all...
...except me and this one beautiful ear that is losing sound. Daily. So inside of my self I run.
The deafness is horrid. I can't explain what having to wait for my right ear to awake and beginning to take a bit longer than usual, feels like. How could I describe that? The sudden and unannounced total silence and quite that envelops my world and I time and time again. Please, don't wait, just let me run. The sounds that have been alive with me while awake and in sleep these past three days have been exceptionally loud and extraordinarily frustrating. In my Left Deaf Ear there has been the sound of a roaring airplane that seems to be parked outside of my bedroom window. I also have had this irritating 'wahhhhhhhhhhhhhh' sound. Just as one might pronounce such a spelling, 'wahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh'! There has been the beeping of a truck in reverse. The sounds of Tarzan's Jungle in my right ear and on and on and on and no, there's not a damned thing I can do. So in my Spirit's, we try like hell to run.
I have had this wish to run physically for quite some time now. In my mind, I see myself running. The wind blowing through the curls atop my balding scalp and wind brushing my face. It would be some sight to see someone who stumbles while walking with a four-legged cane take to running. It's just not in the mix right yet. I so hope and pray that someday I will run.
And run.
Saturday, September 15, 2012
A Post Card
Relations,
It is an absolutely lovely Post Card type of Florida morning out of doors. The Sun is shining beautifully, the skies are blue and clear with maybe a puff of a white cloud there or here. It's not too hot. Yet. That will come later on this afternoon, even though I am certain I feel the change.
My nephews aged eight and seven are on their way over to spend the day with their Tio and Tia's.
First we will visit the Army and Navy surplus store in Down Town Tampa, for what will be their first visit to such an establishment. They are so stoked! Bubba, the eldest has called me daily since Sunday, with each passing day building an anticipation that has driven him and his brother Tong-tong mad. After the store we're heading cross county to a Veterans Park next to the river with trucks, and helicopters that have been put in place for the recreation of our youth. We will picnic there.
The anticipation has grown wildly within this Man's Child with-in. I can't wait!
After a week like this past one, I could use a bit of laughter and conversation with these awesome two young dudes called my nephews, Bubba and Tong-Tong. No, not their real names. These are names given to them when they were wee little Folk.
Today is a good day to die.
Today is also a good day to be alive.
For My Path and I, I am honored to be here and alive, but if Great Spirit were to come to take my Spirit's and Soul home, I would be honored by that too.
Ya-Hey!
It is an absolutely lovely Post Card type of Florida morning out of doors. The Sun is shining beautifully, the skies are blue and clear with maybe a puff of a white cloud there or here. It's not too hot. Yet. That will come later on this afternoon, even though I am certain I feel the change.
My nephews aged eight and seven are on their way over to spend the day with their Tio and Tia's.
First we will visit the Army and Navy surplus store in Down Town Tampa, for what will be their first visit to such an establishment. They are so stoked! Bubba, the eldest has called me daily since Sunday, with each passing day building an anticipation that has driven him and his brother Tong-tong mad. After the store we're heading cross county to a Veterans Park next to the river with trucks, and helicopters that have been put in place for the recreation of our youth. We will picnic there.
The anticipation has grown wildly within this Man's Child with-in. I can't wait!
After a week like this past one, I could use a bit of laughter and conversation with these awesome two young dudes called my nephews, Bubba and Tong-Tong. No, not their real names. These are names given to them when they were wee little Folk.
Today is a good day to die.
Today is also a good day to be alive.
For My Path and I, I am honored to be here and alive, but if Great Spirit were to come to take my Spirit's and Soul home, I would be honored by that too.
Ya-Hey!
Friday, September 14, 2012
Blue
Dearest Kin,
I sit her quite blue and maybe a bit sad even...
...nausea is my number one complaint at this moment. I feel it at my Adam's apple. I am also dizzy and have been perspiring and sweating for the past hour. I am wearing my BAHA, Bone Anchored Hearing Aid, and had hoped it would help me with these noises and sounds going on between my ears. No description this evening. Please. It's the same old shit, my Relations. Maybe a bit heavier than most even.
My emotional status is a three at this moment. Had tried so hard earlier to keep myself and the Spirit's who live with-in me at a level where I could enjoy my sister Lou Anna's company. Her being off from work was something out of the ordinary and it was cool to hang out and get away from the house for a while. Something occurred during our outing that made things quite uncomfortable and unpleasant. What was once a comfortable and pleasant outing. Flipped.
I don't know why I still let some Folk's talk to me any sort of way. I suspect this is something that has tailed me my entire life. In my brain's - if you want my respect, please, speak with me as I speak with you. Denials or rejections are harsh, when the rejection comes from one in your circle and they know you know that no damned stranger speaks to one in that tone. Well, then that quantifies as a denial. A rejection.
So, yes I'm blue.
This week has been one for the denial processes of the powers that be. This bull shit hypocritically-different Man's government. Tell me that I make too much money. What is this, a bad joke? Folks, you do see, I really tend to take rejection personally.
Earlier this week I was informed I did not qualify for assistance with Bus Fee's because I make too much money. Although I had not shared this with anyone earlier, due to the Man who still lives in my body, was made aware this week that we were disqualified from food assistance because we make too much money.
Odd and fortunate disqualification's, I am thinking. A blessing in disguise? I don't know yet.
So, yes I'm blue.
This latest rejection is from the Folks from AdSense, here on the very blogger that I have used solely and only from the Day One. Committed to and have poured my words, my passions and experiences into. As in the only blog I have ever used and have remained loyal to them. And to those who read my blog. It's not as though My Path goes unread or strays off and away. thousands and thousands of kind Kinfolk, Kindred and the Relations who have visited and read about this Meniere's Disease, my travels and My Path's odds-n-ends. My Life.
I have since early on advertised amazon for these Folk'. For free. No body said shit then. As my Guests are well aware, my bride and I have gone through some unfortunate and treacherous times with my health and her health and operations and surgeries and doctor bill's upon doctor bill's. So much so that, that equation excludes the bills, petroleum, food, the electric, my simple-simple-ass-telephone and again, the bill's. Am being told that I don't have enough paragraphs. Please?
Yes, I'm blue.
But hold it, I won't say any more to disparage them in the position to make these decision's. I understand these kind Folks have jobs to do. I also understand that not everyone will be approved for aid or assistance, but dammit. But please Folks, can't you help a brother?
My Sweet Dearest Cousin Linda, I hope you are well and recovering good and proper from your recent operation. God Bless you and your family. You know, I love the mess outcha Kid!!
To be rejected by the very people I have been representing is a betrayal.
I have felt this before, you see. From Kinfolk, friends and associates...
...them, in the outer circle's of Life's Cycle. So, yes, I'm blue.
I have nothing else to say.
I sit her quite blue and maybe a bit sad even...
...nausea is my number one complaint at this moment. I feel it at my Adam's apple. I am also dizzy and have been perspiring and sweating for the past hour. I am wearing my BAHA, Bone Anchored Hearing Aid, and had hoped it would help me with these noises and sounds going on between my ears. No description this evening. Please. It's the same old shit, my Relations. Maybe a bit heavier than most even.
My emotional status is a three at this moment. Had tried so hard earlier to keep myself and the Spirit's who live with-in me at a level where I could enjoy my sister Lou Anna's company. Her being off from work was something out of the ordinary and it was cool to hang out and get away from the house for a while. Something occurred during our outing that made things quite uncomfortable and unpleasant. What was once a comfortable and pleasant outing. Flipped.
I don't know why I still let some Folk's talk to me any sort of way. I suspect this is something that has tailed me my entire life. In my brain's - if you want my respect, please, speak with me as I speak with you. Denials or rejections are harsh, when the rejection comes from one in your circle and they know you know that no damned stranger speaks to one in that tone. Well, then that quantifies as a denial. A rejection.
So, yes I'm blue.
This week has been one for the denial processes of the powers that be. This bull shit hypocritically-different Man's government. Tell me that I make too much money. What is this, a bad joke? Folks, you do see, I really tend to take rejection personally.
Earlier this week I was informed I did not qualify for assistance with Bus Fee's because I make too much money. Although I had not shared this with anyone earlier, due to the Man who still lives in my body, was made aware this week that we were disqualified from food assistance because we make too much money.
Odd and fortunate disqualification's, I am thinking. A blessing in disguise? I don't know yet.
So, yes I'm blue.
This latest rejection is from the Folks from AdSense, here on the very blogger that I have used solely and only from the Day One. Committed to and have poured my words, my passions and experiences into. As in the only blog I have ever used and have remained loyal to them. And to those who read my blog. It's not as though My Path goes unread or strays off and away. thousands and thousands of kind Kinfolk, Kindred and the Relations who have visited and read about this Meniere's Disease, my travels and My Path's odds-n-ends. My Life.
I have since early on advertised amazon for these Folk'. For free. No body said shit then. As my Guests are well aware, my bride and I have gone through some unfortunate and treacherous times with my health and her health and operations and surgeries and doctor bill's upon doctor bill's. So much so that, that equation excludes the bills, petroleum, food, the electric, my simple-simple-ass-telephone and again, the bill's. Am being told that I don't have enough paragraphs. Please?
Yes, I'm blue.
But hold it, I won't say any more to disparage them in the position to make these decision's. I understand these kind Folks have jobs to do. I also understand that not everyone will be approved for aid or assistance, but dammit. But please Folks, can't you help a brother?
My Sweet Dearest Cousin Linda, I hope you are well and recovering good and proper from your recent operation. God Bless you and your family. You know, I love the mess outcha Kid!!
To be rejected by the very people I have been representing is a betrayal.
I have felt this before, you see. From Kinfolk, friends and associates...
...them, in the outer circle's of Life's Cycle. So, yes, I'm blue.
I have nothing else to say.
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