My Business, My Rectum, and My Love To All Relations

Transport issues kept me from gathering with Sir Dude this morning. I'ld have been there one half hour now if I had made it. I called and left a breif message and am eager to hear from him.....................I just recieved the return call from Sir Dude! What an incredible synchronistic occurrance! We held our gathering via telephone and I am absolutely satisfied with this. I am an actual fortunate one for having a therapist who has such an understanding for the home bound. Transportation can sometimes be a pain in the rectum...and the stress factor is high. The occasional "issue" is something I take seriously and unfortunately very personal. It's my nature, you see? I disdain the very thought of being late or missing an appointment. It does not matter the which this or that it may be...

...at this stage of life and on this very Path, my body is my Business. My entire body from the soles of my feet, to the squirming Funky Worms on the left side of my skull. The side that also houses my deaf left ear. The emotional and deep shit that goes on between my ears is part of this business also. The business called "Mario's Path".

I have to put something in it to get something back...life, you see? So hell yes, I take the transport thing very seriously. Will brush this off and move ahead. It's just difficult and sometimes hard for me to wrap my skull around the whole "shit happens" stuff. This is second such occurance in the past three to four years. So, really not too bad on the averages piece right there. Oh so, shit happens.

My right-good-bad ear is listening to Grace Jones at the moment. I was able to catch her in show back a decade or so! She was so incredible. My left ear is haunted by the memories. I have Grace turned up a bit hoping she'll be able to help block out some of these sounds and noises going on in my ears. Description's futile.

Don't wish to speak much else of meniere's right now. So please pardon me as I intend to do some gardening and tasks out of door's...soak up some energy from Earth Mother...some of this beautiful Florida weather.

My pony Red continues to carry me quite strongly. As if I were a Warrior! I am compelled to do whatever it is I must, to combat this mess of a disease called meniere's. I am thinking Red knows this.

Oh so, here we are riding along my Path!

Peace and love to all Relations and to all of my fellow Earth brothers and sisters. My Mother Earth kinfolk...

Burps, Gardening and a Happy Dance?

Met with Dr. N., this morning and had an extraordinary visit. With no doubt, an extraordinary experience for a fact. I felt a deep inner connection with my good Dr. Psych...I think maybe things begin to change a bit with the whole emotional, psyche, self-observation thing. I think maybe doctor also see's what I see. Hears what I hear. Today I realized just how far I have traveled on this Path of mine...how much time, money, and pure want for a better life has found me this 26th April of 2011. Oh dears, I could go on and on about this good happy and gay stuff. But I won't. Thank you Dr. N!

Tomorrow morning I'll visit with Sir Dude and if all goes as sweetly as today, I just may do a Happy Dance! Promise!

Had to take it easy with the gardening today. Did transplant a milk weed from Dr. N.'s garden to mine. Him the plant, has made himself right at home and yes, I asked Dr. N. for it, damnit. Worked the Mr. Grip-It for weed pulling and picking up leaves and rubbish. Think I may introduce one of my favorites to Earth Mother in a wee bit.

I have a knot in my throat from nausea. I make myself burp to ease the grip of this obnoxious meniere's torture. Am and have been dizzy most of the day. Sweating inside as well as out the doors. While outside and when I get to feeling as if I will faint, vomit or get goose bumps while hotter than hell, I take a break. The dizziness and nausea do not provide much respite...so on days like today and yesterday and tomorrow, I push real hard to task and do some exercises or walk. I wait in fear for the next vertigo attack...even though and even still, just like on days like today -I am the Human Bumper Car and am goofy with the balance and coordination. I do suspect the gravitational pull of pulling me to the freaking left. (I am an anomaly!) Always to the left. Really always to the left. It's a nuissance when I accompany family to the market where shopping is a pleasure or to the fab "le big red dot store"...walking has become a task in and of itself. So. It is. And I work it. Am beginning to enjoy the outings more...heck even enjoying trips to the doctors office's. Just have to walk it with purpose. T.?

Sounds have had fluctuations. From loud insects to a tremendous whooshing sound to the beep, beepity beeps...which I capture in my left deaf one. Plooping continues with the right one. Think I'll speak with He Who Touched My Brain about going back on medication I had prior to this present one. Will get to see him and Dr. Bea come early May. Sweet!

Just remembered I wanted to plant some pepper seeds. These are from The Bahamas'. Hotter than the hot of your imagination.

Oh hell! These sounds are getting too dang loud so I think I'll call time out and get back to the garden.

My dahlin' pony is doing well as we travel this Path of mine. Still feeling so strong and so brave.

p.s. I hate it that Raja won!

Worms, Sounds and What-Not's

The worms have been acting up something fierce today...I mean as in all day squirming about my left skull. Have had the misfortune of several facial spasms as a bonus pleasure principle. Pain in my cervical spine is intermittening. It is necessary for me to call She in the morrow as the pain has spread to the right side of my neck. Yes, I am doing traction, warm compress and exercise to assist, but um, these issues are beginning to become more than bothersome already. I really need another doctor to "inquire" as to taking another look and see at those MRI's - shit, there's a pair there already! This doctor has run up my hospital/doctor bills for bleeding what exactly?! I don't know! A pinched nerve? Fine. Degenerative Bone Disease? Okay...BUT WHAT TO DO NOW?! No more sending me around the county for poking and probing. This CT or that MRI! No more laboratory visits and She Who Intemidates Me, must speak to me with more than steroids and breif chats. We need to talk, Honey. These Funky Worms are working the stress factors for sure...

...then to piggy back this with the sounds of trains, air boats and planes in my back yard, "somebody/someone is in my attic"...beeps, beeps and more peeps than a peek show. Times come when there is no sound. Still. The plopping continues. My Deaf left ear still picks up secret transmissions from WW II...seldom is my Deaf ear Deaf...it seems.

I have fought like hell the past few days. This pony is red and I'll name him, Runs With Fierce Strength! I tasked and did many reps with my kettle-weight. It's only ten pounds, but I feel the changes in my arms. It's not a tough-throw-about type of routine. These are more to stress the muscles and get the blood to flow in at a healthier pace. Am taking small walks too. For the moment, "no comment" on the weight piece. Have not weighed in since prior to Easter...

...am afraid. And, I will not say what happened to my sugar level neither. Child please, I thought I would puke...still fighting to bring it back down to where I want it. It's not like it went all crazy, but crap, there sure was a spike! Whew! Back on the case.

Dizziness and nausea was so bad earler I thought I was going to go into a state of shock and really feared fainting...and I was home alone too. What a dreadfull experiance! I did have productive nauseua. Have sweated like a bareback pony carrying an over-weight passenger...true, I am over-weight, but I don't ride bare back...and yes, I took my medicines as prescribed...and I took the day as directed.

Went to see Dr. Bea, today. Had my BAHA, Bone Achored Hearing Aid, aka The Processor, reprogramed. Good visit and I have my BAHA back! Good-goodness, I sure did miss it.

I lived today with mucho gusto, worked my plan for better health, walked with purpose and rode the mess out of my pony, Runs With Fierce Strength. Today was a good day to die...Today was also one fine day to be alive.

I pray all Relations had a blessed Easter. Mine was picture perfect. A brother, father, husband and uncle surrounded by sisters, my bride and my daughters - Gaia included, and my neice and wonderful nephews. Oh, and the food!

MRI Results Are In! Hip-Hip!

At exactly 1655, She Who Intimidates Me called to let me know all came out well with the second MRI with contrast. There is no infection of the spine! The laboratory results came back infection free as well. So other than the degenerative bone disease with it's pains and crackings, my spine is cool.

Way cool...

...especially having doctor call me directly. This call brings and brought about different vibes from She for me. I felt, as well as heard the relief in her voice. And I am knowing she heard the relief in mine.

Thank You God! Thank you doctor and thanks to the one who kept her word! Good medicine, repect and care. Thank you!

Sadly, I share an elder in the circle has passed over. Please pray for your Elder's. Time flies when you're alive and before we know it - it is we who are the Elders.

19 April 2011 & Still No MRI Update

Alright now, I know by experiance that She Who Intimidates Me has a very busy practice, but damn, to make a patient wait so long. Thumb tacks and pins have been setting in Friday. This past weekend and then to receive no word on the yesterday has had me ready for a conversation. Quite honestly, I just want to hear something. Anything. Am too familiar with any excuses the clinic might come up with as I've not only worked the field - I have also been a patient of too many doctors for too many years...

...so I called and have been informed the results have not been received yet and that a call was made to hospital to have results expedited to the clinic. I did speak with one I trust and believe in and just so happens to be the assitant of She Who Intimidates Me. She has given her word that I shall receive a call from her or doctor. The reading of an MRI with contrast is different than without it. A little call would have been nice...

...had this MRI last Thursday. Today is Tuesday...just sayin'.

Have had talks with detectives about He Who Took Me To Baseball. Talks...

Thought about a breif chat on the meniere's thing but, decided against it.
It's the same. Old. Rubbish. Even I get exhausted from living these shitty symptoms...today I don't want to talk of this...while the type writter in my left deaf ear types at one hundred twenty words per minute.

I want to go baptize myself in the cement pond out back. Have some prayerful times...feed and water the birds who live in the preserve, and enjoy the songs of the many different breed. Have some thankful prayer...some peaceful prayer...

...for all of my Spirit Kindred, all of my Relations and for evey fellow Earth Being, May God be with you.

Think I'll keep this pony a spell...

All Of This Racket

Between the noises going on between my ears and the thought processing there too, I am afraid to acknowledge I am a bit beat up this evening...

...tough time to sleep because of these sounds in my deaf left ear and the roaring planes ridicule the senses in my right...both hemisperes of the brain too.

This is one piece of Meniere's I abhor. Not that I play favorites with the disgusting symptoms of meniere's disease, it's the noises and sounds that have to be true torture. I've concluded this based on my experiances. How can I explain to someone the trials that come with Meniere's when the majority of Relations do not have the slightest clue what it is I am descibing. And some are unable to see this because they have lost their eye's. Some can't hear because they have lost their ears. I must remember.

Too much rubbish is going on within this skull...voices, sounds, tough love self-talk, bad self-talk...so much racket too often.

There's so much more to me than Meniere's...really! I promise!

Just help me with the communications piece. Please. Part of the exhaustion is having to deal with Relations who just don't get that I really am single side deaf and really hard of hearing. Some days worse than others.

I don't know.

Maybe I'm still learning too. Under this thick skull of mine is a bit of tenderness, you know?. Do you remember? I do.

Back on my pony...have to take this one day at a time. One step at a time.

It's 1500...

It has been a long two day's gone by. Too much sleep and not enough living.

For the first time since December 2010, am alone. Fighting the gloom attempting to take my emotions from me. My youngest daughter is at work. I have grown so used to having my daughter here I'm not sure what to say or what to do.

Yesterday and a big chunk of today was spent in a state of deep sleep that has come naturally. No medications necessary. Plan to remain awake the remainder of this day and hope to have a walk about tomorrow.

It's with high hopes that this is but a dark cloud passing over head. I'm not really in the mood for another round...maybe I'm just exhausted. Still.
Seems like a long time to slumber - these past few years...I'm here to authenticate.

My ears are in concert with the sounds of the rain forest...still pick up an an occasional beep-bleepity-beep-beep in my left deaf one. My right one went so deep in silence earlier, I missed two telephone calls. This is with the telephone placed no more than two feet from my skull. I have read that it is unusual for someone to have sounds sound same in both ears.

Well?

Am nauseated and dizzy. My stomach and throat seem to be one organ. As I sit here with beads of perspiration falling from my curls and sliding down my neck.

Have not heard from She Who Intimedates Me, regarding results from last weeks MRI. Still awaiting word on the laboratory work too. Think I'll post this and give She a call.

From my bed...

...more of 16 April 2011...

Oh, what a wonderful day this has been!

Meniere's played with my emotions as it does daily and is doing so at this very moment. Dizzy, sweaty and nauseated. Sounds as if I am having child birth issues. Sadly, I am not. I have so wanted to carry Grace Jones' baby, or George Michaels' baby, but both have met with negative results as I have been unable to mate with either. Oh well, what can one do?

My two beautiful and wonderfully clever little nephews came over with my baby sis and B.I.L., my brother-in-law...my eldest daughter was here as was my youngest with her beau, boo. My bride prepared the best Southern Potato Salad and the crazy best Bison Burgers ever stuffed with blue cheese crumbles...to die for dalhin's...to die for. We did do the cement pond thing and the little fella's had a blast! I've always received such joy watching folks have a sweet time. Doesn't matter who or what age or sex, I just love watching folks have fun. Listening to laughter is wonderful to my brain's ear hole too...

The Worms have been busy all damned day. Other than cutting them out there's nothing I can do. NOW stop you all! I'm only shittin' around! I'm not taking a knife to this wonderfully huge and gorky skull of mine...for pete's sake! But damn it, if the worm sensations don't make for some uncomfortable times. Speaking of discomfort, my neck's left side is in a great deal of pain right now...

...as I listen to the tornado sirens blaring between my ears...along with the locusts, cicadas, and crickets in full orchestra tonight in my right-good-bad-ear, I think I will wish all Relations peace and love...

My Path, is in an awkward state right now, but I move forward...me and my pony. She's a strong one so far. I say. let's go!

...16 April 2011...

...today is Saturday, the 16th of April 2011. Just shy of striking 1300, here in Tampa, Florida.

My heart and Spirit's want me to have a brilliant day. Am afraid Miss. Meniere's and her particular's are giving me way too much grief. So, today I'll list these as such and give this day my best to have a damned good day.

!. Dizziness is high mid range. Enough to have me watching every step as my balance and coordination is off. Even with six legs stuff bumps into me.

2. Nausea is in the middle of my throat. Many times have come and gone when I've wished I could reach down in there and take this sensation out of my life.

3. My right ear has been plooping again. Filling with a mystery "something", then on special moments - it goes "Ploop"! My hearing in this region of my skull remains strained at best. The silence has happened.

4. My Left Deaf Ear has listened to the A.T.&T. satellite pass overhead, has captured encoded messages from the C.I.A., and an old U.S.S.R. relic on continuous propraganda directed at the U.S. of A. and Canada...in other words, so many and too much beeeeeeeepity-beep-beep-beep, or beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep's that last for minutes at a time. I mean come on already, Morris Code even!? I would swear that there have been times when my left ear has felt as if it ploop's too. I don't know.

5. Perspiration is on and off as the nausea and dizziness fluctuates with the passing of the Sun overhead...soon the moon will be visable in the blue sky.

6. The Worms are alive and well on the left side of my skull. Never do get them on the right side...Thank God! These sensations are enough to drive one absolutely mad! Ahhhh! Doctor! I have worms moving about me head! Shit! Something has got to be done about this situation. Imagine this...being in a state right before sleep and having the worms in your skull decide they want to bust a move! Um, it's not natural, ya know?

MRI new's is really no results or news yet. Did in fact have the procedure on Thursday morning. With the contrast. But won't get results until Monday or Tuesday coming up. Look, I don't know about this radiation and shtuff, but I suspect I am glowing in the bright day light! Somebody? "Holla!" But anyway's, had me like a pig wrapped in blanket in that damned tube! Yes, again, with that Frankenstien mask too. Oh Lord, my pressure went up with my heart beat! All of the people who assisted me last week - assisted me Thursday...it was almost like, wait? But really, these folks were superb with everything and every step of the process. Note. These are the ONLY folks I have ever let remove my nipple ring for a procedure or surgery. NEVER! Not since I had the gauge increased was the steel removed...but for them folks, I melted like butter. I would love for this pain to melt like butter. There are times when it hurts so bad it takes my breath away. I do the traction, take a pill when it gets to be too much...and keep going.

From my Spirit's to your Spirit's, I pass on love, peace and understanding...which, of the three is an area of concern for I and I. Relations have tough time understanding me. Maybe I'm not too much better, but enough of it to pass wishes for understanding.

Am leaning this side of not letting the sleep visit me today. There are a couple of tasks I might get involved with. I think? Or maybe step out into my garden and my Path. It is right about 85 degrees outside Must remember the lotion and my gardening hat. What? I am thinking maybe a dip in the cement pond when Sun passes more to the West.

Sounds like a nice plan for my life and my Path today. Oh, it's a beautiful Florida day out there! My Path...

Them Damned Voice's!

Meniere's has been bothersome today. Have been nauseated to the wish for vomit. The dizziness has been mid to high trouble for me in my brain, mind and Spirit's. Have had sweats most of the day. I would love to have a break from this often embarrassing symptom. Something else that's quite embarrassing is when my balance and coordination goes all goofy on me. I hope that I am not observed by too many folk in public when I get into the Human Body Bumper Car Mode...bumping into stuff at the supermarket, walking into walls, car's and such. The sounds have been ridicules. My deaf ear is listening to crickets for most of the day...listening to the bastards as I type these keys. My right good bad ear, earlier this morning and afternoon had the roaring sound of water fall and has gone silent twice. Just for a few moments anyway and at this moment, am listening to Pat Matheny's, "Last Train Home". Over and over agian...it's one of those "My Life - My Path" soundtrack songs. I remember hearing this song
with both ears and it has alway's been my favorite song by Mr. Pat Matheny...it sort of lives within the stream of my blood...

Visited with Sir. Dude this morning and had an excellent gathering for sure. Much was discussed. Compliments, observations, evaluations...Sir Dude, brother, please! Oh yes, I've lost weight and have gained a sence of control of "the sugar" issue by diet alone, and am just starting to feel as if I may have broken the year's long winter trailing me for mighty close to four years...

...Seeing a where I was and where I am, in my brain's eye orb...the where I am between my ear's is different than what it is, you see. Sir Dude, and Relation's, I've gone weary, and am able and learned on when to put , "Hell Yeah, I'm fine" paint-on-the face and yet carry a heavy burden in my heart. I so want to live the "Hell Yeah" and "I'm fantastic, thank you!", type of days again. I miss those day's. Them day's I took for granted. Hmmmm...this whole meniere's thing has affected my entire life. Shittin' really...

The all of my Life...

I get it. So it is on the day's like today when the Pony Under Butt, gives me the full speed ahead...and gives me something to hold on to. Feel the wind blow threw my hair as we ride like lightening through what it is placed before me and sing a prayer for continued days just like today...a day and time when I wear no paint. No mask.


...I scream silently a prayer from my DNA to make this so...

I will take this pony to task! And P.U.S.H., "Pray Until Something Happens"! I promise you that! I promise me this too!

WAIT! I have just captured one of Canada's satellite's! It's in my deaf left ear. No really, though I did just hear/have a series of beeps. Loud too!

The morrow brings MRI #2. This time with the contrast. Yes, I am nervous. Please...

I'll continue to deal with the voices and other guests the best I can muster...keep the sad heart from getting to blue. True?

Alright, then.

p.s.
They all work against me, you know?

More Labs, another MRI and I...

Peace to all Relations and to all who read these words, peace.

I slept the weekend away this past two days...thus incurring the wrath of self-guilt and sadnes for not spending more time with my Bride. I truly enjoy our time with one another...sometime's, the O.T. to help us along the way gets in our way. God, and I know how much she works hard for her money...she does and I miss her.

I think since Friday afternoon at approxitmately 1630, I've wanted to sheild and protect myself from my self. I am aware that even though I may have the tools with which to work particular issues, I still lean towards rumination from time to time...

...anyways, it was then I found out my doctor, She Who Intimidates Me, who is She Who Know's My Neurology, wanted me to have more laboratory work done and another MRI, this time with contrast. I have been assured that I will have a better experiance this time...as I will be aided by some sort of medicinal injection...as I permit/let them spray and inject me with more "paid for" radiation.

My youngest and Most Honorable Daughter Number Two, took me to laboratory this morning. And let me share this right now! This lab tech did slap-slap a couple or three times - she stuck the needle in my arm and "whomp", there it was! What a fantastic experiance! I reckon I'll be headed to this lab from now on. Shay-shay away...and I hate it for the other team, as they are associated with my, She Who Knows Me Intetrnally Doctor. Oh well...

I happen to have an appointment with She, tomorrow afternoon. We will talk of lab results and action plan for my continued success with combating the "sugar" issue and other odds and particulars.

Wednesday, I meet with Sir Dude. All benefits with this visit for sure! Damn it, if I don't know I need a good visit with the brother.

Thursday, the MRI...with contrast...and injection's.

Next Monday, there's a tentative appointment with my dear and dahlin', Dr. Bea! She is just as sweet as can be and I love her to deaf! She is my audiologist to-boot! My BAHA, out for repair, was mailed here rather than the practice, so it required a call and coordinate. I have tried it on and it sounded so good! But, there was a note attached directing us to reprogram the processor. So it is written...

Blame it on The Murphy's!

Meniere's has provided me with more than necessary this past three days. The sounds have been the insects and beeps to a new sound, some-odd-sort-of-computer-noise-rubbish. Can't really describe it, so I won't. Dizziness and nausea have run equal...down the center or this side of too much. Perspiration's on call. My balance and coordination are always on alert.

Pushed my pony today by doing some tasks. Think it did the pony and I some good...keep my mind from thinkin' too damned much. While pushin' this pony and I, down this Path...

...My Path.

The Waiting...

Have been sitting on pins and tacks all day waiting for the results of yesterdays MRI. Contacted the practice earlier this afternoon and the staff had just received film and report from hospital. Waiting for She Who Intimidates Me to review...at this moment it is 1513. If no call has been made to me by 1600, I shall call again.

My BAHA, Bone Anchored Hearing Aid came in yesterday. But I can't use it until it is reprocessed for my hearing. "?". Why it was shipped here to the lodge is beyond me. I suppose it's all the same...shipped there - shipped here. It's just a dumb feeling I had as to why the company would send me my processor and not be able to use it. "?". It took a spell for me to get it back anyhow; now I'll wait for appointment with Dr. Audio, at He Who Touched My Brain's clinic. So for now, I remain Single Side Deaf. Not so cool. The Waiting...

Nausea is ultra bad today! Dizziness is problematic as I continue to be the human bumper car...bumping into furniture and walls. Fortunately no falls! The sweating has been unreal, as in to soak a t-shirt type of perspiring. The plopping in my right ear continues. Right now, my Deaf
left is deaf and my right good bad ear is listening to music accompanied by the cars, trains and planes between my ears...

...my body aches and wants me to sleep. Today, I will wait for the night.
The past couple/three days have been better days for me despite the symptoms of meniere's and cervical spine issues. Am starting to think this sweaty pony under butt just might be a strong one...but then, I always say these thing's...and I ride my pony until he can't take it anymore...and I hope attacks stay away for a while...

...and then, The Waiting...

For now, I think I'll focus on a task and enjoy what it is I am going to do...maybe play in the garden? I don't know. What I do know is I need to do something! These Funky Worms in my head are starting to work my last nerve, Dahlin's! Let me go...ride my pony something good and plenty!

p.s. I was visited by a voice in search of Ed, Tuesday morning...voice was so loud it woke me from a deep sleep! Who in the hell is Ed?! Damn it! I thought someone was in my room! Hell, no, this isn't funny! But then, what can I do?...but laugh!

The MRI, Myself and I...

Folks, the MRI earlier today went as smoothly as I could've hoped. My reputation preceded me and was welcomed by a very cheerful and helpful staff. Either that or some one called them ahead of time...'hey you'all, that Crazy Ass Mr. Sierra's going to be stopping by'. What was really special though was one of the MRI Techs remembering me from previous visits. Bless his heart...now, that's legendary right there. The actual MRI was dreadful! My shoulders and arms were too big, but I fit just a little this side of a wee bit tight. Damn it! These folks have to purchase one fit's all type of machines. Please...Oh, then the Frankenstein mask secured over my face - so tight my chin touched it! Now, you know that I know you know, that's too damned close and tight! And yes, I called time out two or three times...child please. Took my medications too! There is something else I wanted to mention, as the young fellow prepared me for this scientific experiment, he informed me, as he rolled one up, that I had to have ear plugs. I explained to the Kind Sir, that I was deaf in the left ear. He said it does'nt matter - have to wear it anyway. Bless his heart...

Lord, speaking of being deaf, let me share with my Relations that while I was visiting "She-Who-Intimedates-Me" yesterday, she ran a series of physical exams. Such as watch the finger, squeeze my finger, then she stuck me with a small safety pin on both arms - brought up blood on the left but I did not feel it. Think I freaked her out when I said Great Day! I didn't fell that at all! Well then, doctor snapped her fingers at my right ear and asked if I could hear this, I said yes, she said good. Then she snapped her fingers at my left ear and asked if I could here this, I said, Doc., I'm deaf. She said good, then made a rubbing sound with her fingers at my right ear...good, that I could hear, then she did the same thing again with my deaf left ear. All I could do was whisper, Doc, I'm deaf. Remember? Bless her heart...

Anyways, today has been a dizzy type of day...along with the nausea, which was productive earlier today. The sweating has lasted most of this entire day...

...the worms are as active as ever between my skull and the skin on the left side of my head.

The sounds in my left ear is screach-screach-screaching noises and my right ear has tunnel sound at the moment. Fortunately, the sounds are not too loud. The Funky Worms...go Ohio Player's!

Think I'll ride this Pony with a funky sound in my brain's right ear hole...yes, My Path, is at times a very funky Path. Bustin' a move...

...peace.

Me, Myself and Meniere's...

Today is 6 April 2011, early in the afternoon with clear blue wide skies and not a cloud out there. The temperature is cool in the mid-70's and Earth Mother's still wet from yesterdays rain. The water gauge at the air port must be busted because we had some really deep rain out here by the preserve. I don't have a creek out back but I swear I had one back there yesterday - with it's own current even. Last night Great Spirit, Blessed us with a wonderfully chilly night with low fifties'...enough to have to bring out a blanket tucked away for next fall. Done so with gladness. My bride and daughter (and no appointments) permitted me to sleep this morning. Thanks Girl's!

Meniere's today is right down the middle of the 1-10 range. The noise in my left deaf ear has been clackity-clack-clack-clack. The noise just like the toy "clackers" from back in the 1970's...which were eventually banned because folks were butt-heads with them. Pardon, but back to meniere's, my right-good-bad-ear today is plopping and or full on and off...the hearing is same, on full and well or off, as in no dang good. The noises in same ear are the sounds of dozens of tiny crickets. Nausea is mild and am not perspiring at this time. Dizziness is also mild...rather like a sort of tipsy. As usual, am having to walk with a purpose, as tipsy is as tipsy does.

Monday, I had blood work done at the laboratory. Them folks stuck me seven times before they had their test tubes filled! And there was several! I would usually have been upset by the hit and miss routine, but hell, I had more understanding for them I think than them for I. What's his name tried twice and caught an attitude with my veins...tried to get him to settle down, but he had enough of look and find, so he passed me to his supervisor. After her attempts failed, the lab techs decided to call over a nurse from the doctor's practice. A friend, "Country Sunshine". Po thangs! Dang sure used me as a lab bear for sure. Didn't they?

Yesterday, met with Sir Dude, in the morning. There was much to talk and we did not waste any time. I am aware that reading my perpitrator's name and words last week stirred up the pot good and plenty. Memories, flashbacks, and smell memories, have troubled my Heart and mind. This mess has stirred up memories of other times and places I was sexually abused by other perpitartor's...........I'll be seeing Sir Dude next week. I think it best we save the bi-weekly experiment for another time. For now any how...

...yesterday afternoon visited with my neurolgy doctor, She-Who-Intimedates-Me...she has ordered an MRI for tomorrow. Girl please, I hate these exams as I am quite claustrophobic. I am a rather large fellow, weighing in at 275 and am 6'2" tall...them silly ass MRI tubes are simply not meant for big folk like me. I mean really. This MRI will visualize/make clear a pinched nerve in my neck...She-Who-Intimedates-Me, suspects the sensations of having worms between my skull and my skin are from nerves affected by this pinched nerve. Along with dreadful pains I have owned for sometime now...

...worms sound so more interesting to me. Really.

Think I'll step out of doors for a while. It really is a beautiful day out there...maybe I'll get on my knee's to pray and then get a little dirty in the mud. I may be a Drama Queen Honey, but there's a little feller inside who loves to get all dirty and muddy time to time...

...think maybe today is a good day to die...as it is a good day to be alive. I am blessed.

There's a pony under butt. Not sure how strong a pony yet, but we're going to push it today........peace to all Relations.

The Sounds

Seems to me I would say more of the sounds between my ears. Those I hear inside and those I hear out here...

...but I think I still suppress.

At this moment I have the capability of hearing noises from out here. Listening to Douglas Spotted Eagle. Softly so as to have some back ground noise as well as to assist me with focusing on the topic. Sounds.

At this moment my deaf left ear is picking up something via satellite. Beep-beepty-beep-beep and my right-good-bad-ear has six foot frogs croaking their bleeding love tunes...

...in the background of frogs I hear crickits galore. A maddening concert that remains with me for great lenghths of time. Happens day or night. All times of day and or night. Many a time I have stuck my head out the door to see/hear if what I am hearing is from outside. Never has been. Yet. Yes, it's always from with-in my thick skull.

I do still hear voices of folks not about me. Not even near me...I've checked out the door's for this too. And or have made sure the voice I heard was from someone in our home with me. Every once in a while I get spooked by a damned voice audible to me! Please, who expects to hear someone speaking in the house when one is alone?

Every once in a while by right-good-bad-ear drops all frequency and leaves me with out the ability to hear. These situations rock my free world to deaf! Not funny, I know, but I can say this. I am deaf and the loss of hearing just seems to get worse.

If there was one thing I could say to everyone on this Earth Mother of Ours, I would say this: "Relations, have understanding and patience with your Kinfolk who are Deaf or are Hard of Hearing." It's not me! It's my ear's for Gods Sake!

My Spirit's have gone weary from them who get frustrated with me when unable to understand what has been said...I learned to just stop asking more than two or three times depending on subject matter. The fake sign language shtuff is already old. Please stop already. The rudeness of them who are Relations is what cuts the deepest. If only "they" would understand.

Don't know why I only give seldom an update on my hearing. Think I might speak more of this...

It's done me good.

Tomorrow I have therapy in the morn and will meet with my neurologist in the afternoon. A hectic day for me but, I bet it gets me out and about for a while. Get to see and be with folks. Good medicine!

My Path is slowly looking more familiar. Think I'll keep this journey going.

An Update & A Story Of Abuse

Have been awake for a short while and wanted to report...

...I'll report that I have continued to sleep since Wednesday and the Wednesday before. Have stopped counting hours as this has gone beyond too much. Nausea is an 8, dizziness is a steady 7-ish and I am perspiring. My Right-Good-Bad-Ear is alive with one thousand crickets in full orchestra....playing out loud.

BUT! BUT DAMN IT! There was something to happen on this past Wednesday, that I now wonder may have stirred the latest attack of vertigo. There was something in my very Soul that would not let me rest...although asleep. Something ablaze within my Spirit's, deep into my DNA.

This post is about something much more than this disease meniere's of mine. It's about a note in my local newspaper and it's content...

...so surreal it was to see and read the name and word's of someone who sexually abused me early in life...as a child. The bastard that abused me had the nerve to be speak in the press! And give his bleeding name too!

I was a ten, eleven, twelve year old boy, who loved baseball! This post is not a post about baseball - THIS is a post about he who would take me to baseball practice and baseball games! Fucker did onto me many crimes! I knew EVERYTIME he was taking me, I was going to do more than play baseball that day. I seem to remember mentioning this person in a previous post. Not by name, but by he who would drive me to baseball. Same subject!

In his car, at the park, he would drive me off to have me do what he wanted me to do! This son-of-a-bitch groomed me to be his sexual toy! This bastard stole huge chunks of my childhood! He affected me me as a boy and still does today as a man! It was because of he who would take me, that I learned to hate baseball. I stopped going to practice...I stopped going to games and eventually stoppped playing baseball all together.

Even after all this, he continued to find ways to get permission to take me somewhere...then his brother joined in.

Flashbacks have been too bloody frequent! His smell still haunts my nose!
As does the smell of their cheap cologne and cigarettes.

Have called Sir Dude...damn I need to have just one word.

Oh God, there's so much to be said but I need to disengage as I am growing more and more angry and disgusted. I am disgusted!

My Path!