Four days out from the attack that caught me from every possible
direction and from all four corners. I was enveloped by the whole experiance - some so slow motion, all with a snap of fingers...God's fingers I beleive. This is why I did not break one bone nor shatter window glass with my elbow. It was as if The Great Spirit's Angels's arrived with great haste...
...My Cowboys and Angels...
Have slept right about sixty hours since then. Have not eaten as I usually would and have eaten then, strictly for sustenance. Not enough water, but have increased in-take today.
I feel there's a difference and a morphing change going on in my body and mind...me in my skin. Even with this foiking meniere's...change comes.
Oh, yes! I had been in the back yard watering some dear trees, shrubs, bushes and flowers, when I was overtaken by extreme dizziness - falling to my left and backwards. Didn't think I was in motion. Just "Boom"! I was struck and had deer in the car light eye's. I stayed very still for several minutes thinking I was going to faint, child please, I thought I was going to die. I tried really hard to gather myself. Focus Dude! Was all I can remember thinking. Saying. Aloud.
As I mentioned in previous entry and moments ago, nary a broke bone, broken window glass or a scrape on the skin. I'm knowing the ego took it square in the gonads. No doubt. But what can you do?
At this moment I am nauseated, dizzy and and am perspiring plenty. My body is sore and pained. My damned ankels are killing me and I have not worn platforms since 1978! I am so damned exhauseted I have the yearning and need to sleep. My entire body aches. My eye balls ache. Sleep will be with me in mnutes.
When I spoke with Mr. P.T. earlier today, he pretty much jumped up and down and told me "oh-no-no-no", "not too much sleep", "8-9 hours at night and 2 hour nap in afternoon...Um, the "something's", I have to say to my Mr. P.T. will be waiting until my words will be heard and seen by my Mr. P.T. Apparently, my young fellow has some learning to do. True? Oh hell yes this is true, Boo! I really hope he does do some study on the this meniere's, because if not between our tele-chat today until our visit on Thursday...I just reckon there may be issue's up in here. Oh no, Honey, no trouble. But there will be some drama up in here come Thursday too! Oh yes, issues's and drama. Po-thang and bless his heart too...
It's just that I'm not the one. Green?
Since Sunday the 29th, I have had a constant twang every 15 - 30 seconds in my Left Deaf ear. Silence. Then "twang", twaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaang. Twang? Then "twwwwwwwwaaaaaaaaaaaaaannnnnnnnnng"...I hear it to be an old U.S.of A., satelite sending out Wishes for a Happy New Year 1965! Just twanging. WTF? Over and over and over again. Come on? This is a form of torture the courts would find inhumane. Hell, as a bonus feature tonight, the locusts, cicadas and crickets are LOUD as a rock concert in my good-bad-right ear. Keeping me from reading or resting a spell - keeping me from sleep at this moment.
The Worms have been at it since I woke. Like some upstairs neighbors? Oh, these sum-ma-bitch's are making to much fuss and noise. Damn it!
So, I think on that note I return to the land of slumber. At rest. I hope.
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
Monday, May 30, 2011
Meniere's Attack, Friday, 27 May 11
Late afternoon on this past Friday, I had an ugly meniere's/vertigo attack.
A fall against house, window and earth. No broken glass and no broken bones. Pride? Perhaps? Yes.
Have been asleep most of life since. Hope to awaken soon. There was a period of 32 consecutive hours of sleep. Today, have been up now a short few hours - which has been dazzed like walking... Dazzed Awake?
...so now I return to slumber.
p.s. My vision and hearing were affected adversely. The vision so affected, I felt the need to call He Who Touched My Brain...
...thank you Dear God, for He Who Touched My Brain and God, please Bless his every step in life. As I ask you to Bless all of my Relations.
A fall against house, window and earth. No broken glass and no broken bones. Pride? Perhaps? Yes.
Have been asleep most of life since. Hope to awaken soon. There was a period of 32 consecutive hours of sleep. Today, have been up now a short few hours - which has been dazzed like walking... Dazzed Awake?
...so now I return to slumber.
p.s. My vision and hearing were affected adversely. The vision so affected, I felt the need to call He Who Touched My Brain...
...thank you Dear God, for He Who Touched My Brain and God, please Bless his every step in life. As I ask you to Bless all of my Relations.
Friday, May 27, 2011
Issues With Me & Issues With Blogger
Note: There are issues with posting notes on this Blog. Have contacted Blogger and hope issue is resolved soon. So sorry for the brake down in communications...
Communications? For me, communication's something that I can hear and feel. Grasp ahold of. Communication's by word or none, by eye contact or not, the body language and One's Spirit's. I listen and I see how we as folks inter-act. Even if I must ask for a repeat more than twice - it's cool like that. Don't grow bitter with me. Even if one thinks I don't or can't hear. The point is that I feel communications. Tangible? It's a beautiful thing how my God blessed me with this queer quality. I Thank You Great Spirit for this special gift. I am humbled. I think this is one reason many folk approach me for conversation. Maybe a good talk.
Communications...
Reading the written and printed words of those who came before me, them who are long gone away and our authors of today.
Relations. I feel the words on paper as I feel them when I listen to you speak with or without my processor. I feel it when you wish to say something but don't or won't, so I won't feel hurt?...I feel it when you speak "to" me - by telephone or face-to-face, instead of "with" me. I'm deaf on one side only. I do have My-Right-Good-Bad-Ear...ya hear/see? I feel your distractions to avoid a talk, am able to see it in your eye's, your frustration after that third "what was that?". Or have seen it too when I hear what I thought I heard...even if it was incorrect. So what? Fill me in. Your body is not you when things get like this...have had complete strangers treat me same way as my Relations. Intentions? Intended?
Communications?
...Kinfolk and Relations, I look at your Spirit's about you when we're together. Or I can be at the store with the big red dot and meet folk as I walk by them, or as I've learned the associates working there by name, I listen and see them as we speak...our true energy is alight and so bright. If not, I move along. There's just that certain something when one has negative or leach like energies about them. It's important to keep boundaries in mind...those of the other as well mine. It saddens me when my Path is crossed by Folks such as this. Relations or otherwise. I mean really, we're all only human...
...human to human, please let us all learn to communicate in peaceful ways or non-aggressive maaner. Listen as well as have talk. Please.
Life is so brief. Too brief. Before we know it...
Communications? For me, communication's something that I can hear and feel. Grasp ahold of. Communication's by word or none, by eye contact or not, the body language and One's Spirit's. I listen and I see how we as folks inter-act. Even if I must ask for a repeat more than twice - it's cool like that. Don't grow bitter with me. Even if one thinks I don't or can't hear. The point is that I feel communications. Tangible? It's a beautiful thing how my God blessed me with this queer quality. I Thank You Great Spirit for this special gift. I am humbled. I think this is one reason many folk approach me for conversation. Maybe a good talk.
Communications...
Reading the written and printed words of those who came before me, them who are long gone away and our authors of today.
Relations. I feel the words on paper as I feel them when I listen to you speak with or without my processor. I feel it when you wish to say something but don't or won't, so I won't feel hurt?...I feel it when you speak "to" me - by telephone or face-to-face, instead of "with" me. I'm deaf on one side only. I do have My-Right-Good-Bad-Ear...ya hear/see? I feel your distractions to avoid a talk, am able to see it in your eye's, your frustration after that third "what was that?". Or have seen it too when I hear what I thought I heard...even if it was incorrect. So what? Fill me in. Your body is not you when things get like this...have had complete strangers treat me same way as my Relations. Intentions? Intended?
Communications?
...Kinfolk and Relations, I look at your Spirit's about you when we're together. Or I can be at the store with the big red dot and meet folk as I walk by them, or as I've learned the associates working there by name, I listen and see them as we speak...our true energy is alight and so bright. If not, I move along. There's just that certain something when one has negative or leach like energies about them. It's important to keep boundaries in mind...those of the other as well mine. It saddens me when my Path is crossed by Folks such as this. Relations or otherwise. I mean really, we're all only human...
...human to human, please let us all learn to communicate in peaceful ways or non-aggressive maaner. Listen as well as have talk. Please.
Life is so brief. Too brief. Before we know it...
Thursday, May 26, 2011
Good Night Crazy Horse
Tonight I will go to bed and fall asleep with Crazy Horse in my thoughts, contemplations and prayers...
Have just completed Mr. Thomas Powers, "The Killing of Crazy Horse. It is my belief to be the best book ever written and or published about Crazy Horse. I have read several books with Crazy Horse as main title or with other Lakota, but, Mr. Powers really dove head first into his study, logic and presentation of Crazy Horse. If there was an agenda, it was simply to explain in close detail what "really" happened to Crazy Horse. This book very well could have been a quick read, but as I have done in the past - once I got to a certain place in an excellent book, I begin to pace myself and have in fact rationed some of my readings to no more than a chapter a day/night. I say with this extraordinary writing, so very much is covered between the book covers that one has "a picture" painted in mind of what and how Crazy Horse was forced to live and just how cowardly his assassination so truly was...
...there was a one inch "accidental" entry wound by bayonet to his lower back that was done so with such force, it was pushed damn near through the Cheif...a bruise developed on his lower torso from where the blade just about exited. Crazy Horse suffered for many hours. His Mom and Dad present with him when Crazy Horse left this Earth Mother of ours.
I have avoided the racial passions that dwell well within my heart, mind and Spirit's. Have done so as an experiment...although I am compelled to share that I no longer share any respect for Little Big Man at all. As the guard was a coward - so was Little Big Man.
...I considere this my review of an excellent book, first of all. Then I simply gave a brief description of the assassination of Crazy Horse. That is all.
Mentioned no colours of skin tonight. Nor fueled my passions with the fire of anger and loathing that remains alive in me to this day.
I say no more.
Have just completed Mr. Thomas Powers, "The Killing of Crazy Horse. It is my belief to be the best book ever written and or published about Crazy Horse. I have read several books with Crazy Horse as main title or with other Lakota, but, Mr. Powers really dove head first into his study, logic and presentation of Crazy Horse. If there was an agenda, it was simply to explain in close detail what "really" happened to Crazy Horse. This book very well could have been a quick read, but as I have done in the past - once I got to a certain place in an excellent book, I begin to pace myself and have in fact rationed some of my readings to no more than a chapter a day/night. I say with this extraordinary writing, so very much is covered between the book covers that one has "a picture" painted in mind of what and how Crazy Horse was forced to live and just how cowardly his assassination so truly was...
...there was a one inch "accidental" entry wound by bayonet to his lower back that was done so with such force, it was pushed damn near through the Cheif...a bruise developed on his lower torso from where the blade just about exited. Crazy Horse suffered for many hours. His Mom and Dad present with him when Crazy Horse left this Earth Mother of ours.
I have avoided the racial passions that dwell well within my heart, mind and Spirit's. Have done so as an experiment...although I am compelled to share that I no longer share any respect for Little Big Man at all. As the guard was a coward - so was Little Big Man.
...I considere this my review of an excellent book, first of all. Then I simply gave a brief description of the assassination of Crazy Horse. That is all.
Mentioned no colours of skin tonight. Nor fueled my passions with the fire of anger and loathing that remains alive in me to this day.
I say no more.
Mr. P.T., Menier's and Me
Had a super visit with Mr. P.T. today. Feel parts of my body that have been dormant...these are surprised to have company. I can feel them! And I'll continue to push the mess out of this envelope and ride my pony Red like I've lost my mind. Wait. I have lost bits of my mind! So I'll say ride Red until I've found the missing bits and pieces of my mind. Nice like that! The P.T. stirs me up good-n-plenty so I have rested a spell...
...am now prepared to get out into the sun. Pull some weeds with my Mr. Gripper and get on my hands and knees to feel and smell Earth Mother up close. What a wonderful scent! Maybe take a dip in the cement pond when my daughter gets back home later on this afternoon.
Have been hearing a cat meowing off and on today. A LOUD ass meoooooooow! It was so obvious, I just had to ask my daughter if she was hearing a cat meowing. Sadly, she did not and No, we do not have a cat as a pet, we have a couple of hounds. The meowing are audible mystery. Just like all the other noises I pick up. Earlier the old time telephone ring and now the meowing. No, I don't ask "what's next?". It does me not a damn bit of good. There are times when I don't even ask folks anymore. It's just one of those things. I mean really. Foicking cats?
The P.T. stirred nausea that has yet to subside. I am "sweating" and am dizzy. No, I have not medicated self yet. I will once this note is completed. My right ear is plooping like mad today and is annoying as hell.
My darling Earth Worms were up and at play earlier. Maybe I should hush, so as not to wake them. You hear?
WAIT! Mr. P.T. taught me how to properly use my quad cane! I mean, it's no wonder I've been so damn goofy and problematic with coordination and balance when walking! This new proper way of walking with cane provokes my brain. No really, I feel my brain adjusting to change. I suspect this may take a bit of getting used to...but, I'll be damned sure to do the best that I can and I'll practice until I get it right. By the way, I love the exercises he has taught me. I love to feel the burn of my muscles...
...burn my dormant baby's burn!
Mr. P.T. scores an A+ today!
...am now prepared to get out into the sun. Pull some weeds with my Mr. Gripper and get on my hands and knees to feel and smell Earth Mother up close. What a wonderful scent! Maybe take a dip in the cement pond when my daughter gets back home later on this afternoon.
Have been hearing a cat meowing off and on today. A LOUD ass meoooooooow! It was so obvious, I just had to ask my daughter if she was hearing a cat meowing. Sadly, she did not and No, we do not have a cat as a pet, we have a couple of hounds. The meowing are audible mystery. Just like all the other noises I pick up. Earlier the old time telephone ring and now the meowing. No, I don't ask "what's next?". It does me not a damn bit of good. There are times when I don't even ask folks anymore. It's just one of those things. I mean really. Foicking cats?
The P.T. stirred nausea that has yet to subside. I am "sweating" and am dizzy. No, I have not medicated self yet. I will once this note is completed. My right ear is plooping like mad today and is annoying as hell.
My darling Earth Worms were up and at play earlier. Maybe I should hush, so as not to wake them. You hear?
WAIT! Mr. P.T. taught me how to properly use my quad cane! I mean, it's no wonder I've been so damn goofy and problematic with coordination and balance when walking! This new proper way of walking with cane provokes my brain. No really, I feel my brain adjusting to change. I suspect this may take a bit of getting used to...but, I'll be damned sure to do the best that I can and I'll practice until I get it right. By the way, I love the exercises he has taught me. I love to feel the burn of my muscles...
...burn my dormant baby's burn!
Mr. P.T. scores an A+ today!
Dried Bull Penis, Lady Gaga's Ta-Ta's & I
My physical therapist, Mr. K., should be along anytime. Am looking forward to today's session of exercises, muscle toning, strengthening and his company. I enjoy listening to the way he speaks. Brilliant perfect English. The Queen's English is what comes from his mouth.
The Meniere's is toying with me this morning. As usual. So, maybe I don't speak about it too much then. Think I will have "the" talk with my daughters soon though, as this is looking very much like a genetic secenario...the shit they give me now, just may come back and land on their laps some day. I pray not so, my Dear God.
Alrighty then. On to something else...
Read in this mornings news paper, The St. Petersburg Times, that eating dried bull penis cures a hangover. Now, that there - just don't seem to be okay with me. I don't know why. I've eaten bull testicle's in life...but a dry penis?! Mountain Oysters (bull balls) are excellent when deep fried Southern style and smoothered with gravy...but, a dry penis just sounds like no fun. Maybe I base this on experiance - maybe I don't...
...don't ask, don't tell it, Honey. Alright then, I thought you knew.
While watching American Idol last night I noticed Miss. Lady Gaga's ta-ta's for the first time and DAMN! I don't know how in the hell I managed to miss them before. It was like blam! There they were! I don't know...maybe I have been paying more attention to her music and those fabulous-from-another-realm out fits. Maybe? Bet you I sure am glad to have caught them last night! And yes, I am smiling. Yeah for ta-ta's! Oh yes, I am glad Scotty won too! Cute little terd, en'he?
Look, I am sitting in my air condioned home, sitting under a ceiling fan and this nausea has me wanting to throw up. I feel the persperation slide down my chest and stomach...and rather than speak anymore about this, I'll close for now.
My pony Red and I have had a strong two weeks and I do wish to keep moving forward on this Path of mine...um, there's an old type telephone ringing in my left deaf ear. Would somebody please answer the damned thing already!
p.s. If anybody has ever tried the dried penis piece, please let me know what it tastes like. Beef Jerky? Naw Boo, I really didn't say that...
The Meniere's is toying with me this morning. As usual. So, maybe I don't speak about it too much then. Think I will have "the" talk with my daughters soon though, as this is looking very much like a genetic secenario...the shit they give me now, just may come back and land on their laps some day. I pray not so, my Dear God.
Alrighty then. On to something else...
Read in this mornings news paper, The St. Petersburg Times, that eating dried bull penis cures a hangover. Now, that there - just don't seem to be okay with me. I don't know why. I've eaten bull testicle's in life...but a dry penis?! Mountain Oysters (bull balls) are excellent when deep fried Southern style and smoothered with gravy...but, a dry penis just sounds like no fun. Maybe I base this on experiance - maybe I don't...
...don't ask, don't tell it, Honey. Alright then, I thought you knew.
While watching American Idol last night I noticed Miss. Lady Gaga's ta-ta's for the first time and DAMN! I don't know how in the hell I managed to miss them before. It was like blam! There they were! I don't know...maybe I have been paying more attention to her music and those fabulous-from-another-realm out fits. Maybe? Bet you I sure am glad to have caught them last night! And yes, I am smiling. Yeah for ta-ta's! Oh yes, I am glad Scotty won too! Cute little terd, en'he?
Look, I am sitting in my air condioned home, sitting under a ceiling fan and this nausea has me wanting to throw up. I feel the persperation slide down my chest and stomach...and rather than speak anymore about this, I'll close for now.
My pony Red and I have had a strong two weeks and I do wish to keep moving forward on this Path of mine...um, there's an old type telephone ringing in my left deaf ear. Would somebody please answer the damned thing already!
p.s. If anybody has ever tried the dried penis piece, please let me know what it tastes like. Beef Jerky? Naw Boo, I really didn't say that...
Wednesday, May 25, 2011
Body, Mind and Spirit
My body, mind and Spirit scream for me to get out of doors. I'm feeling and thinking confined this morning and must find some task or two to occupy some space between these damned ears of mine. There is little doubt that the year's long Winter has in fact been busted wide open. Now, I have a need to fill in these wide open spaces of my mind.
I will not say I woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning, but I will be honest to say I'm rather pissed. The new anti-sad/anti-depressant that I have failed to take on a consistent basis has reminded me WHY it has been that I have not taken this piece of shit giant white pill on a regular basis. It induces zombie like qualities for Pete's fucken sake! I don't want to take this type of medication! I have had to in the past, yes, but back-back then I was ignorant of my rights as a patient. I bet I am better prepared now day's. I'll end this piece here by first saying I have called my Dr. N., and complete this by stating, I am an educated consumer. This medication is simply not right with my body and mental chemistry. Enough!
The worms are at play. My right ear has been plopping. Nausea is a in force and so is the dizziness. Last night was shitty and I did have productive nausea. Once bringing up a bit in my mouth. Yes, I am medicated, for the Meniere's and the before mentioned product(Thought I would try to take pill in day time rather than the night). The sounds in my left deaf ear are a blaring horn of some sort...to loud for me to determine just what type of sound it is. I am simply aware of it's loudness. The good-bad-right ear is poor at the picking up of sound in or out of my ear this morning...on occasion going completely quiet...deaf. Scary dumb-ass stuff! My coordination and balance is off center today, and now that I mention this I wonder if this is playing a roll with my emotions. Probably, I would say. As I am so over this Meniere's! God!
My neck is sore and my left arm feels as if I have slept on it for hours. Tingling something really bad like. Will do traction later. Will hold off on the medication for this for a while...think I need to feel some sort of pain.
Look, I really need to get outside a spell. Am wanting to scream! Am wanting to cry! I want to beat, whip and harm myself...and rather than doing any thing of the sort, will bring this breif entry to a close...
Folks, something sometime, somewhere, must give. I feel like an over stretched rubber band. Damn it!
Gotta go...
...get out of doors where I can at least have the company of my bird cousins.
I will not say I woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning, but I will be honest to say I'm rather pissed. The new anti-sad/anti-depressant that I have failed to take on a consistent basis has reminded me WHY it has been that I have not taken this piece of shit giant white pill on a regular basis. It induces zombie like qualities for Pete's fucken sake! I don't want to take this type of medication! I have had to in the past, yes, but back-back then I was ignorant of my rights as a patient. I bet I am better prepared now day's. I'll end this piece here by first saying I have called my Dr. N., and complete this by stating, I am an educated consumer. This medication is simply not right with my body and mental chemistry. Enough!
The worms are at play. My right ear has been plopping. Nausea is a in force and so is the dizziness. Last night was shitty and I did have productive nausea. Once bringing up a bit in my mouth. Yes, I am medicated, for the Meniere's and the before mentioned product(Thought I would try to take pill in day time rather than the night). The sounds in my left deaf ear are a blaring horn of some sort...to loud for me to determine just what type of sound it is. I am simply aware of it's loudness. The good-bad-right ear is poor at the picking up of sound in or out of my ear this morning...on occasion going completely quiet...deaf. Scary dumb-ass stuff! My coordination and balance is off center today, and now that I mention this I wonder if this is playing a roll with my emotions. Probably, I would say. As I am so over this Meniere's! God!
My neck is sore and my left arm feels as if I have slept on it for hours. Tingling something really bad like. Will do traction later. Will hold off on the medication for this for a while...think I need to feel some sort of pain.
Look, I really need to get outside a spell. Am wanting to scream! Am wanting to cry! I want to beat, whip and harm myself...and rather than doing any thing of the sort, will bring this breif entry to a close...
Folks, something sometime, somewhere, must give. I feel like an over stretched rubber band. Damn it!
Gotta go...
...get out of doors where I can at least have the company of my bird cousins.
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
I Am The Albatross
Am looking forward to my visit with Dr. N. this morning. Thinking a nice brain/mental/emotional enema is just what I could use. It has been four weeks since I looked into Dr. N. eye's. His insights and point of views are usually on the money and I consider him a wise man. A trusted man.
Um, how in the hell does a fifty year old fellow wake up with a pimple on his face? I had only one confection last night. Really! One of those extra dark chocolate's with a wee bit of Jim Beam in the center...so damn good! Oh yes, and as a bonus surprise my sugar level rose eight points over night...
...speaking of sugar level - this present block of 2 weeks + 3 days has seen a superb decrease of blood chemistry. My average has dropped damned near ten points per 17 day period. Nice. Controling the in-take works if one works it. Hell, I'm here to say I used to chomp on some candy dear friends. Not just eat candy, I would chomp on some cake, candy and pie. Ice cream too! What a difference a change in life style makes. I have statistics to share with my dearest Dr. Who Knows My Insides. This provides me something I can control...I can remember when that controlling piece got me in plenty of scandal and drama...whew, don't I remember.
As I sit here drinking a cup of tea, I contemplate what will my day be like and have decided to let go and let God take care of today. I do have plans other than seeing Dr. N., but other than this, God has me covered.
Nausea this morning is high. The dizziness is bringing up the rear and I feel as if I'll puke/spew my tea at any moment. It's just too early to be perspring this much already. The only task having been to dress the bed.
Have not tested the balance piece much yet. Plan to in a spell. The spinning in my head has the sensation of going 'round and around, as in a slow motion Merry-Go-Round. Sickening dung...
...my right-good-bad ear is loud with a roaring Vietnam era helicopter ready for take off. Sounds as if it's parked in the front yard. The Left Deaf ear is picking up a pinging noise. Not ringing, not beeping but pinnnnnnnnging. Pinnnnnnnng. Pinnnnng. Etc. and on and on. I still have not been able to figure this out. Hearing shit in a deaf ear does not compute. I can hear and listen to Sir Dude and He Who Touched My Brain tell me in my one ear hole to the brain that this is normal all they want to. I think I'm going mad. No, have gone mad. To the best of my recollection this was not covered or communicated prior to the saw being applied to my skull...not that it would have stopped our direction any way, but a little hint. Hey! Maybe an ice pick would help!
Note: When taking a prescribed diuretic the increase in the passing of fluids are multiplied by two. Oh yes, really Honey. Got the ole boy working it...sometimes from all three points of entry and or departure.
I am the Albatross.
Um, how in the hell does a fifty year old fellow wake up with a pimple on his face? I had only one confection last night. Really! One of those extra dark chocolate's with a wee bit of Jim Beam in the center...so damn good! Oh yes, and as a bonus surprise my sugar level rose eight points over night...
...speaking of sugar level - this present block of 2 weeks + 3 days has seen a superb decrease of blood chemistry. My average has dropped damned near ten points per 17 day period. Nice. Controling the in-take works if one works it. Hell, I'm here to say I used to chomp on some candy dear friends. Not just eat candy, I would chomp on some cake, candy and pie. Ice cream too! What a difference a change in life style makes. I have statistics to share with my dearest Dr. Who Knows My Insides. This provides me something I can control...I can remember when that controlling piece got me in plenty of scandal and drama...whew, don't I remember.
As I sit here drinking a cup of tea, I contemplate what will my day be like and have decided to let go and let God take care of today. I do have plans other than seeing Dr. N., but other than this, God has me covered.
Nausea this morning is high. The dizziness is bringing up the rear and I feel as if I'll puke/spew my tea at any moment. It's just too early to be perspring this much already. The only task having been to dress the bed.
Have not tested the balance piece much yet. Plan to in a spell. The spinning in my head has the sensation of going 'round and around, as in a slow motion Merry-Go-Round. Sickening dung...
...my right-good-bad ear is loud with a roaring Vietnam era helicopter ready for take off. Sounds as if it's parked in the front yard. The Left Deaf ear is picking up a pinging noise. Not ringing, not beeping but pinnnnnnnnging. Pinnnnnnnng. Pinnnnng. Etc. and on and on. I still have not been able to figure this out. Hearing shit in a deaf ear does not compute. I can hear and listen to Sir Dude and He Who Touched My Brain tell me in my one ear hole to the brain that this is normal all they want to. I think I'm going mad. No, have gone mad. To the best of my recollection this was not covered or communicated prior to the saw being applied to my skull...not that it would have stopped our direction any way, but a little hint. Hey! Maybe an ice pick would help!
Note: When taking a prescribed diuretic the increase in the passing of fluids are multiplied by two. Oh yes, really Honey. Got the ole boy working it...sometimes from all three points of entry and or departure.
I am the Albatross.
Monday, May 23, 2011
Physical Therapy, Meniere's and I
Had my first physical therapy session today. Oh so very definite in assisting me with pushing the envelope. Physical exercise and muscle tensions. Feels so good. Hmmm, feels as if we feed an addiction almost. I sort of-kind of think. My Mr. P.T. is fantastic personality and quite the motivator. He is a fine young man from Guam. I've got some life long friends who are from Guam, and honestly, I have never met anyone from Guam I did not like. His voice and accent reminds me of one not too-too far away yet, seems to be so very very far away...
Focus Dude...
An issue that has popped up unfortunately, is the Meniere's Disease. There were exercises that set the dizziness in motion and the nausea straight away to my throat. But wait, Mr. P.T. and I have established that we will do all exercises regardless of meniere's symptoms, "unless" it should jeopardize health and safety...
...I've checked my Crystal Ball, looks to me as if this new round of physical therapy is something that will only assist the Better Health Team and I with getting to a better state of health. In mind, body and Spirit. With focus on the Cervical Spine and the muscles of my upper and lower torso, as well as the muscles in my legs. I have been working the arms something crazy for the past few weeks - since my bride purchased the Kettle Weight for me. I work my arms to the burning screams for a time out! Pushing and pushin' it Honey!
Note: Kiss my gluteal muscles!, just doesn't have that gutural proletarian tone of a staunch good ole Southern Kiss My Ass!, might convey.
Won't get to visit with Sir Dude this week as he will be in Tennessee attending a gathering of those in his field...sounds like a convention to me. I'm not one to gossip, but Tennessee is a fine place to get one's ass in plenty of smelly stuff. I know this first hand. I asked the Sir Dude to be safe and careful. Just sayin'...
...I will have the opportunity to have a visit with Dr. N. aka Dr. Psyche, tomorrow actually. I am so pleased with this as I was ill-prepared to go two weeks without a Mental Enema. Um, sometimes it just feels so good.
Note: An opinion I share is this..."Any" man or woman who are "spreading the ninja" and or who are the "gift giver's", have forfeited their rights as citizens of these United States of America. These fools knowingly and obscenely pass HIV/AIDS to them not yet infected...affected...effected. This population of our Gay community are committing crimes against humanity and should receive the highest of penalization. In my Core I view these people as sexual predators and ought to be punished as same. The fighting we did in the 1980's and early '90's was not for us to come to this...the endless hours on the Crisis Hot Line, the hard damn work that came so quickly natural "AND" without pay. I mean, really, like what the fuck? I say no more, say no more. For now anyways...
Meniere's has kept me on my guard for the past few days. My coordination is off and have had too many trips and near falls. Nausea has me by the throat and now that I think about it - nausea was so bad yesterday I went to bed last evening with a sore throat. At this moment the dizziness is controlled by the medication I ate just an hour or so ago. So I feel managed...by that pretty in pink little pill...
...the Funky Worms have been at play and are dancing their ass off right now as I listen to Krazy, by Pit Bull and Lil' Jon. I want to listen to it out loud but my daughter is resting. Later perhaps...what? My left Deaf ear is aloud with crickets and their mating songs. My right good-bad ear is doing the beeping today...in concert. Last night there was the sound of a jack hammer hard at work somewhere up in there.
Look, in the mean time I will ride the stuffing out of Red! I've got to keep pushing. Really hard like too! My Path, is my life. Should I not endeavor, I would wither away...straight to our local Mental Institution. Um, I'm not the one. My pony and I will go until we know the time comes for rest.
Focus Dude...
An issue that has popped up unfortunately, is the Meniere's Disease. There were exercises that set the dizziness in motion and the nausea straight away to my throat. But wait, Mr. P.T. and I have established that we will do all exercises regardless of meniere's symptoms, "unless" it should jeopardize health and safety...
...I've checked my Crystal Ball, looks to me as if this new round of physical therapy is something that will only assist the Better Health Team and I with getting to a better state of health. In mind, body and Spirit. With focus on the Cervical Spine and the muscles of my upper and lower torso, as well as the muscles in my legs. I have been working the arms something crazy for the past few weeks - since my bride purchased the Kettle Weight for me. I work my arms to the burning screams for a time out! Pushing and pushin' it Honey!
Note: Kiss my gluteal muscles!, just doesn't have that gutural proletarian tone of a staunch good ole Southern Kiss My Ass!, might convey.
Won't get to visit with Sir Dude this week as he will be in Tennessee attending a gathering of those in his field...sounds like a convention to me. I'm not one to gossip, but Tennessee is a fine place to get one's ass in plenty of smelly stuff. I know this first hand. I asked the Sir Dude to be safe and careful. Just sayin'...
...I will have the opportunity to have a visit with Dr. N. aka Dr. Psyche, tomorrow actually. I am so pleased with this as I was ill-prepared to go two weeks without a Mental Enema. Um, sometimes it just feels so good.
Note: An opinion I share is this..."Any" man or woman who are "spreading the ninja" and or who are the "gift giver's", have forfeited their rights as citizens of these United States of America. These fools knowingly and obscenely pass HIV/AIDS to them not yet infected...affected...effected. This population of our Gay community are committing crimes against humanity and should receive the highest of penalization. In my Core I view these people as sexual predators and ought to be punished as same. The fighting we did in the 1980's and early '90's was not for us to come to this...the endless hours on the Crisis Hot Line, the hard damn work that came so quickly natural "AND" without pay. I mean, really, like what the fuck? I say no more, say no more. For now anyways...
Meniere's has kept me on my guard for the past few days. My coordination is off and have had too many trips and near falls. Nausea has me by the throat and now that I think about it - nausea was so bad yesterday I went to bed last evening with a sore throat. At this moment the dizziness is controlled by the medication I ate just an hour or so ago. So I feel managed...by that pretty in pink little pill...
...the Funky Worms have been at play and are dancing their ass off right now as I listen to Krazy, by Pit Bull and Lil' Jon. I want to listen to it out loud but my daughter is resting. Later perhaps...what? My left Deaf ear is aloud with crickets and their mating songs. My right good-bad ear is doing the beeping today...in concert. Last night there was the sound of a jack hammer hard at work somewhere up in there.
Look, in the mean time I will ride the stuffing out of Red! I've got to keep pushing. Really hard like too! My Path, is my life. Should I not endeavor, I would wither away...straight to our local Mental Institution. Um, I'm not the one. My pony and I will go until we know the time comes for rest.
Thursday, May 19, 2011
Silence of the Deaf...
The beeping slowly came to an end last evening. By the time it was all said (beeping) and done, it was going beeeeeeeeeeeeeep every ten seconds...like clock work. Today, I am blissfully deaf in the deaf ear that can hear noises and voices. Oh well.
Oh please, yes I am still visited by the mystery voice/voices. I think I've learned that sometimes somethings are better left off unsaid. Hell, I don't like the way Sir Dude, Dr. N., or folks in general look at me when I speak of the voices. Shit, it's no big deal when I speak of seeing dead people! Don't ask...
Will meet with Sir Dude today. In like an hour and one half actually. Hope to have a splendid session. Cried to much last time, you see. Everytime I go through changes the brother takes out my folder and begins to jot shit down. Don't know why, don't - know what, but I think that's just a wee bit rude. It's like Duuuuuuuude, at least wait until I'm gone to write down stuff about this Ole Goat! I'm just saying...
At this very moment, as I have completed preparation for therapy, I am nauseated and dizzy...feels as if there's a living knot in my deep throat. Rather like the Earth Worms that dwell on my left skull, who just happen to be asleep right now. Blessings. Have taken medication to ease myself as well as these freaking symptoms.
Am not having any pains in the neck. Just the sensations that my left arm has fallen alseep. All that tingling and what not. The pain was down right shitty yesterday. Today, much better...
...although, not a good day to have a case of the Liquid BM. Yeah-Yeah, TMI! Oh well.
Let me put my face on...
Oh please, yes I am still visited by the mystery voice/voices. I think I've learned that sometimes somethings are better left off unsaid. Hell, I don't like the way Sir Dude, Dr. N., or folks in general look at me when I speak of the voices. Shit, it's no big deal when I speak of seeing dead people! Don't ask...
Will meet with Sir Dude today. In like an hour and one half actually. Hope to have a splendid session. Cried to much last time, you see. Everytime I go through changes the brother takes out my folder and begins to jot shit down. Don't know why, don't - know what, but I think that's just a wee bit rude. It's like Duuuuuuuude, at least wait until I'm gone to write down stuff about this Ole Goat! I'm just saying...
At this very moment, as I have completed preparation for therapy, I am nauseated and dizzy...feels as if there's a living knot in my deep throat. Rather like the Earth Worms that dwell on my left skull, who just happen to be asleep right now. Blessings. Have taken medication to ease myself as well as these freaking symptoms.
Am not having any pains in the neck. Just the sensations that my left arm has fallen alseep. All that tingling and what not. The pain was down right shitty yesterday. Today, much better...
...although, not a good day to have a case of the Liquid BM. Yeah-Yeah, TMI! Oh well.
Let me put my face on...
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
Me, Morris Code and My Worms
Soon to head out of doors to play in my gardens. Our hound Abigail aka Ting-Ting is my body guard and observer of peculiar health concerns. I am blessed to have her introduced to me just about three years ago. She was just a wee little ting! And I so truly love her to deaf. She has observed my health issues and changes over this time and really has become my "Life Guard" for lack of better terminology. She will come up and lick my leg when she see's I'm pushing stuff too much maybe. I don't know how in the heck she does this, but she is usually spot on when she approaches me with a break time lick. Bless her heart.
My left Deaf ear has been a giant pain in the ass this morning! I mean, really? The beeeeeeeeeeeeeeep's and I write like this to describe that at times these freaking beeps are more than just a damned beep. Like today for example. All morning, as it is now, beeeeeeeeeeep-beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep-beepity-beeeeeeeeeeep-beep-beep...
...and so on and so on and on. I think there are times when this makes me nauseated along with the dizziness. WAIT! Pardon me as I go ingest a lovely little pink pill...
...alrighty then, am now medicated - just have to wait for the affects. Me and my pretty pink little razor sharp pills. I love to feel it cut and scar the insides of my throat and stomach...my brains.
Anyway's, getting back to the beeps, in my ears and in my mind I have always associated the sounds with the Morris Code. I mean these remind me of what morris code sounded like back-back-back in the day when I was being trained for communications in the U.S. Army. So yes, I do know what this sounds like. All that beep-beepity-beep shit!
My nausea is high at this moment and the dizziness is a six. I think I may wait a spell before heading out of doors. I would love to hurl chunks! Would love to make myself throw up. But I won't. There is an ugly and negative association with meniere's disease nausea and my past. I am compelled to share presently that Bulimia has been a piece of me since the late 1980's. Bulimia followed the Anorexia that I lived with for several years. Throwing up helped me make sense of eatting to fulfill the wishes of others back then. For me now, it is to ease this nasty ass nausea. My Dear God. I minimize.
My pet Earth Worms on the left side of my skull are busy and at play this morning! Oh, how sweet to have these wiggly bastards moving about. She Who Intimedates Me, continues to believe these are a consequence of the Cervical Spine issues...an inflamed disc in upper cervical, a pinched nerve between C-5 and C-6 and degenerative bone disease. Lord, the symptoms I could share with you all about this...but, I won't. This is the reason and purpose of the latest Physical Therapy...
...oh, snap, almost forgot to share that conversation and good talk's happened this morning with Mr. P.T. and the Home Health Company. We as a part of my better health team, are on the same page. From Mr. P.T., to the administration. Received a bonus when it was learned that this company is the same company that handles my respiratory supplies as well! Me oh my...
Pardon me, as it is time I call a time out...Earth Mother and this wonderful Florida Sun calls me by my first name.
Ciao for now!
p.s. Nausea and dizziness have settled down some. Not gone, but a bit better. I'll keep my best foot forward. Promise!
My left Deaf ear has been a giant pain in the ass this morning! I mean, really? The beeeeeeeeeeeeeeep's and I write like this to describe that at times these freaking beeps are more than just a damned beep. Like today for example. All morning, as it is now, beeeeeeeeeeep-beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep-beepity-beeeeeeeeeeep-beep-beep...
...and so on and so on and on. I think there are times when this makes me nauseated along with the dizziness. WAIT! Pardon me as I go ingest a lovely little pink pill...
...alrighty then, am now medicated - just have to wait for the affects. Me and my pretty pink little razor sharp pills. I love to feel it cut and scar the insides of my throat and stomach...my brains.
Anyway's, getting back to the beeps, in my ears and in my mind I have always associated the sounds with the Morris Code. I mean these remind me of what morris code sounded like back-back-back in the day when I was being trained for communications in the U.S. Army. So yes, I do know what this sounds like. All that beep-beepity-beep shit!
My nausea is high at this moment and the dizziness is a six. I think I may wait a spell before heading out of doors. I would love to hurl chunks! Would love to make myself throw up. But I won't. There is an ugly and negative association with meniere's disease nausea and my past. I am compelled to share presently that Bulimia has been a piece of me since the late 1980's. Bulimia followed the Anorexia that I lived with for several years. Throwing up helped me make sense of eatting to fulfill the wishes of others back then. For me now, it is to ease this nasty ass nausea. My Dear God. I minimize.
My pet Earth Worms on the left side of my skull are busy and at play this morning! Oh, how sweet to have these wiggly bastards moving about. She Who Intimedates Me, continues to believe these are a consequence of the Cervical Spine issues...an inflamed disc in upper cervical, a pinched nerve between C-5 and C-6 and degenerative bone disease. Lord, the symptoms I could share with you all about this...but, I won't. This is the reason and purpose of the latest Physical Therapy...
...oh, snap, almost forgot to share that conversation and good talk's happened this morning with Mr. P.T. and the Home Health Company. We as a part of my better health team, are on the same page. From Mr. P.T., to the administration. Received a bonus when it was learned that this company is the same company that handles my respiratory supplies as well! Me oh my...
Pardon me, as it is time I call a time out...Earth Mother and this wonderful Florida Sun calls me by my first name.
Ciao for now!
p.s. Nausea and dizziness have settled down some. Not gone, but a bit better. I'll keep my best foot forward. Promise!
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
Worms, Crickets & Such
I don't know if it's because they were annoyed at being in the Florida Sun or what, but these Earth Worm sized sensations on the left side of my skull have returned with a vengeance...with attitudes too honeys...
...crickets and cicadas are having a jam session in my right-good-bad ear. So damn loud! Still wish for an ear plug I could plug from the inside of my skull. My left ear has stopped beeping and is cold stone silent. A huge relief, God. Nausea is a five, as is the dizziness...slightly tipsy. Not perspiring at the moment. Yes, I am medicated - but still, what a wonderful relief. Respite.
Will begin a new round of Physical Therapy this week. Met Mr. P.T. on yesterday and was quite happy with our gathering and first impression was a good one. Brother dropped the ball today though. Was to have called me this morning about an important matter and failed to keep his word. That and this is not a positive in my eye orbs or the folds of my brains. Too late to call now, but I guarantee there will be a very business like conversation with this company come first thing in the morning...
...my body, my mind, and my Spirit's "are" my business! This is what I do for a living, ya see. If I don't work on my wish, hopes and prayers for a better health, the works won't and don't get done. I already know this! My own Kinfolk have proven this to me. For God's sake, can't you see I know this?!
Oh and by the way, I know this to be true...
...it comes from your words, whether spoken or unspoken. I see this in your eye's - when you lie to me. I can hear them in my Deaf left ear, your words come across so clear. Yes, I am saddened by your lack of faith. In ME and in GOD! There's got to be a better life style than this! I'm exiled to the inside of my home, my property...my sanctuary. I can't drive my own car. As if I must live a wonderful life with-in the confines of a compound. I get excited and look forward to doctors appointments! On good days, I enjoy an occasional trip to the store with the big red dot! Am able to see folk and get to talk with others. I really do play well with others. Really.
Had a spendid chat with a sista-from-anotha-mista yesterday...She Who Lives In Big Star. Thank you so very much for your words of positive energy, respect and sisterly love. I so do love you! Was good for my heart and all of my Spirit's! Sis, you had a concern and I thought I would share something...
...I really don't pay too much mind to what I "put out" in this cyber-space and in my case, I think it's scarey as all when one goes too far into the depths of this mystery called the internet...like if I let my imagination contemplate the depths of the Atlantic's deepest point scarey-sort-of-scarey shit. Oh, but wait, what I say and do here, what I share and how I share it, and all the ways I "put out" out here is truth, and itty bitty pieces of me...
...to share with all of my Relations.
This late afternoon and evening I'll live with peace in my Spirit's and be in the company of my bride and daughter. Our hounds too!
...crickets and cicadas are having a jam session in my right-good-bad ear. So damn loud! Still wish for an ear plug I could plug from the inside of my skull. My left ear has stopped beeping and is cold stone silent. A huge relief, God. Nausea is a five, as is the dizziness...slightly tipsy. Not perspiring at the moment. Yes, I am medicated - but still, what a wonderful relief. Respite.
Will begin a new round of Physical Therapy this week. Met Mr. P.T. on yesterday and was quite happy with our gathering and first impression was a good one. Brother dropped the ball today though. Was to have called me this morning about an important matter and failed to keep his word. That and this is not a positive in my eye orbs or the folds of my brains. Too late to call now, but I guarantee there will be a very business like conversation with this company come first thing in the morning...
...my body, my mind, and my Spirit's "are" my business! This is what I do for a living, ya see. If I don't work on my wish, hopes and prayers for a better health, the works won't and don't get done. I already know this! My own Kinfolk have proven this to me. For God's sake, can't you see I know this?!
Oh and by the way, I know this to be true...
...it comes from your words, whether spoken or unspoken. I see this in your eye's - when you lie to me. I can hear them in my Deaf left ear, your words come across so clear. Yes, I am saddened by your lack of faith. In ME and in GOD! There's got to be a better life style than this! I'm exiled to the inside of my home, my property...my sanctuary. I can't drive my own car. As if I must live a wonderful life with-in the confines of a compound. I get excited and look forward to doctors appointments! On good days, I enjoy an occasional trip to the store with the big red dot! Am able to see folk and get to talk with others. I really do play well with others. Really.
Had a spendid chat with a sista-from-anotha-mista yesterday...She Who Lives In Big Star. Thank you so very much for your words of positive energy, respect and sisterly love. I so do love you! Was good for my heart and all of my Spirit's! Sis, you had a concern and I thought I would share something...
...I really don't pay too much mind to what I "put out" in this cyber-space and in my case, I think it's scarey as all when one goes too far into the depths of this mystery called the internet...like if I let my imagination contemplate the depths of the Atlantic's deepest point scarey-sort-of-scarey shit. Oh, but wait, what I say and do here, what I share and how I share it, and all the ways I "put out" out here is truth, and itty bitty pieces of me...
...to share with all of my Relations.
This late afternoon and evening I'll live with peace in my Spirit's and be in the company of my bride and daughter. Our hounds too!
17 May 11, Meniere's and A Misting...
Woke up early this morning...even before the alarm clock went off. Have been doing this for a bit and am concerned this is one of those signs of ageing. Heck yeah - really? Nope, not really:)
I have been down to the corner and back with my Mr. Gripper and a plastic sack. We picked up rubbish and proof of drug use from one of my neigbours. Po' things, don't know if you snort that stuff too long the brain cells get all fried and the sinus's go to hell. In a health sort of way I care - but who am I to judge...am not worthy. God Bless you my neighbour. Oh yes, found a penny! It's going to get taped to my "tip" wall in the garage later.
My pony Red and I are going to play in our gardens for a spell. Mama played with me in our gardens this past Sunday. It was so nice...I loved it lots!
Miss Meniere's is here with me this morning and very early afternoon. My nausea level is at a six. The dizziness is a an easy five...easy as in a tipsy sort of way. A champagne tipsy, not a beer tipsy and for sure not a Southern Comfort tipsy...Southern Comfort is "my" fire water. Honestly, back-back-back in the day that would put me in a fighting state of mind. Ahhhh, what memories...
...the balance piece keeps me alert and walking with purpose. My perspiration is a misting of such. Sounds quite "fem", but I am okay with this. Honeys, I usually sweat like a bleeding donkey. Thus, I am way alright with a light misting. Not sweating today. Not yet anyways.
The sounds are here. Loudly. My left deaf ear has been beeping in a top secret Morris Code. Am certain there is an emergency out there somewhere. The speed of the beeps and the frequency is beyond me...all this damned noise coming from a deaf ear. Um, ?. Am listening to a wah-wah-waaaah in my right ear. Very loudly. The plopping happens. Just had a very loud beep from the right-good-bad ear.
Good-goodness, it's time for me and the boy within to play in the garden. Pull a few weeds with Mr. Gripper. Maybe play in the sand and feel Earth Mother under my feet, stand in the Sun, absorb good energies and medicine for free...
...a few months ago I might have mentioned my dissatifaction with my complexion from the years-long winter. Am pleased to report my complexion is in a very satisfactory state. The paleness is leaving. Niccccce...
Peace, Hope, Understanding and Freedom to all!
I have been down to the corner and back with my Mr. Gripper and a plastic sack. We picked up rubbish and proof of drug use from one of my neigbours. Po' things, don't know if you snort that stuff too long the brain cells get all fried and the sinus's go to hell. In a health sort of way I care - but who am I to judge...am not worthy. God Bless you my neighbour. Oh yes, found a penny! It's going to get taped to my "tip" wall in the garage later.
My pony Red and I are going to play in our gardens for a spell. Mama played with me in our gardens this past Sunday. It was so nice...I loved it lots!
Miss Meniere's is here with me this morning and very early afternoon. My nausea level is at a six. The dizziness is a an easy five...easy as in a tipsy sort of way. A champagne tipsy, not a beer tipsy and for sure not a Southern Comfort tipsy...Southern Comfort is "my" fire water. Honestly, back-back-back in the day that would put me in a fighting state of mind. Ahhhh, what memories...
...the balance piece keeps me alert and walking with purpose. My perspiration is a misting of such. Sounds quite "fem", but I am okay with this. Honeys, I usually sweat like a bleeding donkey. Thus, I am way alright with a light misting. Not sweating today. Not yet anyways.
The sounds are here. Loudly. My left deaf ear has been beeping in a top secret Morris Code. Am certain there is an emergency out there somewhere. The speed of the beeps and the frequency is beyond me...all this damned noise coming from a deaf ear. Um, ?. Am listening to a wah-wah-waaaah in my right ear. Very loudly. The plopping happens. Just had a very loud beep from the right-good-bad ear.
Good-goodness, it's time for me and the boy within to play in the garden. Pull a few weeds with Mr. Gripper. Maybe play in the sand and feel Earth Mother under my feet, stand in the Sun, absorb good energies and medicine for free...
...a few months ago I might have mentioned my dissatifaction with my complexion from the years-long winter. Am pleased to report my complexion is in a very satisfactory state. The paleness is leaving. Niccccce...
Peace, Hope, Understanding and Freedom to all!
Friday, May 13, 2011
Wonderful To Be Back! Welcome!
Went through some emotional changes there for a day or what felt like a few.
Mario's Path, is a real life lived via the Trail God has prepared for me. Much of what is discussed on this blog is related to the meniere's, but I reflect on this and realize this has become so much more for me...
...rather like a reflection of me through my thoughts and words. Sometimes my passions come across, my passions are my passions...what ever and all that these are, "happen". I make an attempt to connect with you my Kindred reading these very words as if we were with each other having coffee and conversation. My Heart to your Heart connections...
...please don't mock me. I am sincere and gracefully blessed to have such wonder Folks as you who read and keep up on the young-ole-goat. Um, no this is not a nick name...nick? I have a beautiful daughter named Nik!
Anyways...my Good God, I have just had this rush of realization that there are real live Folks out there who really-really read these words...I mean the hugeness of this all. In my mind it's all so huge, ya know? I'm just a simple man...following My Path. I am so Blessed!
Roughly forty-five minute ago I came in from ceremony. One in my circle has had a dear sister cross over...my heart is heavy with his. The ceremony involved and included prayer to all the corners of Mother Earth...
...please don't mind, or if you do, please pardon me for the prayers sent out to all Relations. I am Blessed. I know this. I am thankful.
Stayed up all day yesterday and am pushing the pony today...I get to get my hands dirty on my hands and knees in my garden!. Oh and yes, I speak with my plants and trees. What?
Had to deal with a near fainting spell yesterday, getting near going in shock...I know what it was, but it was still so scarey...meniere's no longer sends out invitations. She just stops by when she wants. My left ear has had loud pings today...no, not rings - these are "pings". My right ear is occupied with the sounds of the Everglades National Park. Am feeling nauseated amd am silly dizzy! As if tipsey. But Not.
The folds of my brain have informed me that break time is over. So please, pardon me as I return to my sanctuary which is connected to the preserve out back...like a tiny piece of Mother Earth, right here with me! Oh how I love it too! Get visits from birds from many a flock, oppossums, snakes, coyotes, fox, deer, gopher turtle amongst other wild life. And they're all welcomed....and they know this.
Gotta Go! My pony Red and I want to ride it hard for a spell...peace!
Mario's Path, is a real life lived via the Trail God has prepared for me. Much of what is discussed on this blog is related to the meniere's, but I reflect on this and realize this has become so much more for me...
...rather like a reflection of me through my thoughts and words. Sometimes my passions come across, my passions are my passions...what ever and all that these are, "happen". I make an attempt to connect with you my Kindred reading these very words as if we were with each other having coffee and conversation. My Heart to your Heart connections...
...please don't mock me. I am sincere and gracefully blessed to have such wonder Folks as you who read and keep up on the young-ole-goat. Um, no this is not a nick name...nick? I have a beautiful daughter named Nik!
Anyways...my Good God, I have just had this rush of realization that there are real live Folks out there who really-really read these words...I mean the hugeness of this all. In my mind it's all so huge, ya know? I'm just a simple man...following My Path. I am so Blessed!
Roughly forty-five minute ago I came in from ceremony. One in my circle has had a dear sister cross over...my heart is heavy with his. The ceremony involved and included prayer to all the corners of Mother Earth...
...please don't mind, or if you do, please pardon me for the prayers sent out to all Relations. I am Blessed. I know this. I am thankful.
Stayed up all day yesterday and am pushing the pony today...I get to get my hands dirty on my hands and knees in my garden!. Oh and yes, I speak with my plants and trees. What?
Had to deal with a near fainting spell yesterday, getting near going in shock...I know what it was, but it was still so scarey...meniere's no longer sends out invitations. She just stops by when she wants. My left ear has had loud pings today...no, not rings - these are "pings". My right ear is occupied with the sounds of the Everglades National Park. Am feeling nauseated amd am silly dizzy! As if tipsey. But Not.
The folds of my brain have informed me that break time is over. So please, pardon me as I return to my sanctuary which is connected to the preserve out back...like a tiny piece of Mother Earth, right here with me! Oh how I love it too! Get visits from birds from many a flock, oppossums, snakes, coyotes, fox, deer, gopher turtle amongst other wild life. And they're all welcomed....and they know this.
Gotta Go! My pony Red and I want to ride it hard for a spell...peace!
Wednesday, May 11, 2011
He Who Touched My Brain & I
Was able too visit with He Who Touched My Brain this morning. Was able too to visit with Dr. B., and all the super folks who work there at the clinic, as He Who, refers to his practice. So I too call one of my safe places, "The Clinic". Thanks to Nani and Papa Gene for taking me to and from. I do enjoy the ride.
Much communication and connection was made in short manner. Reviewed the Mother's Day Vertigo Attack, where I was then and where I was while with them. Spoke of medication and He Who was in agreement with giving the previous diuretic another try...I mean really, the one I'm on now is a poor product for me. It's just not doing anything with the fullness or plopping/plooping in my right ear and I felt no affect or effect from the medication at all. Oddly, we began the first medication in January 2011, then switched to diuretic #2 in March. Now just about three months later we return to medicine pill number one. I'm game and if nothing has changed in three months - we'll cross that, then.
Spoke and talked of the nausea, balance issues, uncoordination, near falls, the pains and aches post attack, my hearing and it's "good days and bad day's", and "all" the this or that's of my meniere's life style the past several weeks...
...listened as I am told the hearing piece will continue to be so sharp it hurts to being so bad it is necessary to increase volume on the television to maximum. Listening and knowing that sooner or later the hearing only gets worse. Thanks to my dear Dr.B., who ran an audio exam on me and today was actually a good day for my right ear and the cicadas who dwell there.
Other than getting up and going to see He Who Touched My Brain, I have slept most of today. Such a deep slumber I entered Dream World...plan on returning soon.
Note To Self: Dr. N., has not returned my call on the anti-sad pill. Make sure to reach out tomorow. Hell, I better reach out and touch somebody...I mean really, my call was sent out yesterday. Sounds to me as if I'm coming up short. I know it's necessary for me to eat Crow, but please?
At this moment I am nauseated and perspiring lightly...the breeze of a silent fan feels so cool on my skin. I am mildly dizzy and ache my body over. Yes, I took my night time medications. Them and their cute, pretty little colors and shapes and sizes...
...ahhh, me and my meds. What can one do? What the hell am I to do?
For the time presently, my pony Red and I are at ease and will follow along this Path at wee bit slower pace - briefly that is. Anticipate being on Red and pushing again directly.
p.s. Yes, I was Blessed with one of He Who Touched My Brain's wonderful man hugs! My Soul and Spirit's are reminded of my brother David and my Dad's hugs. Doctor plain and simple, provides the most fantastic free medicine with each and every hug. He heals in so many more ways than I can descibe. It is really as if his hands have been Blessed by God.
This month marks ten years since my little brother crossed over...I miss ya Dave! I cry for you Brother! Please give Mom, Dad, and Grandpa my love! And please let God know I send my love and thanks to Him, for all of my lifes Blessings.
I "am" Blessed, you know? I do. And yes, I am thankful...I just let all that murky yucky stuff get in my eyes and trouble my Spirits and I from time to time.
Life...oui? Oui.
Much communication and connection was made in short manner. Reviewed the Mother's Day Vertigo Attack, where I was then and where I was while with them. Spoke of medication and He Who was in agreement with giving the previous diuretic another try...I mean really, the one I'm on now is a poor product for me. It's just not doing anything with the fullness or plopping/plooping in my right ear and I felt no affect or effect from the medication at all. Oddly, we began the first medication in January 2011, then switched to diuretic #2 in March. Now just about three months later we return to medicine pill number one. I'm game and if nothing has changed in three months - we'll cross that, then.
Spoke and talked of the nausea, balance issues, uncoordination, near falls, the pains and aches post attack, my hearing and it's "good days and bad day's", and "all" the this or that's of my meniere's life style the past several weeks...
...listened as I am told the hearing piece will continue to be so sharp it hurts to being so bad it is necessary to increase volume on the television to maximum. Listening and knowing that sooner or later the hearing only gets worse. Thanks to my dear Dr.B., who ran an audio exam on me and today was actually a good day for my right ear and the cicadas who dwell there.
Other than getting up and going to see He Who Touched My Brain, I have slept most of today. Such a deep slumber I entered Dream World...plan on returning soon.
Note To Self: Dr. N., has not returned my call on the anti-sad pill. Make sure to reach out tomorow. Hell, I better reach out and touch somebody...I mean really, my call was sent out yesterday. Sounds to me as if I'm coming up short. I know it's necessary for me to eat Crow, but please?
At this moment I am nauseated and perspiring lightly...the breeze of a silent fan feels so cool on my skin. I am mildly dizzy and ache my body over. Yes, I took my night time medications. Them and their cute, pretty little colors and shapes and sizes...
...ahhh, me and my meds. What can one do? What the hell am I to do?
For the time presently, my pony Red and I are at ease and will follow along this Path at wee bit slower pace - briefly that is. Anticipate being on Red and pushing again directly.
p.s. Yes, I was Blessed with one of He Who Touched My Brain's wonderful man hugs! My Soul and Spirit's are reminded of my brother David and my Dad's hugs. Doctor plain and simple, provides the most fantastic free medicine with each and every hug. He heals in so many more ways than I can descibe. It is really as if his hands have been Blessed by God.
This month marks ten years since my little brother crossed over...I miss ya Dave! I cry for you Brother! Please give Mom, Dad, and Grandpa my love! And please let God know I send my love and thanks to Him, for all of my lifes Blessings.
I "am" Blessed, you know? I do. And yes, I am thankful...I just let all that murky yucky stuff get in my eyes and trouble my Spirits and I from time to time.
Life...oui? Oui.
This Note Is To Them Who Read
My Dearest Relations,
I post this note in recognition of those who read and follow these words of mine. The words of a simple man. This blog has been an awesome avenue for me to expand my contact and communications with others. These words are read by peoples from all over this wonderful Earth Mother of our's. Truly thousands and thousands of folk. Each individual who has read these entry's are met with my honor, with an immense gratitude and my true humbleness. I meant no ill to them who do read my words. I know and you know who you are...or not.
I say and have said what was shared in the previous entry and with this entry dated today, 11 May 2011, for many reasons. Please understand, I try really hard to reach and to make attempts at reaching those "with-in" my immediate Circle. My kinfolk, my family...friends and them I have always had in life. Those my heart believes/believed are friends and family.
I really do share with them. Aloud. I speak and have spoken these very words to them, but the words go unheard...
...as if it was they who are Deaf and Hard of Hearing. As if they had No Ears. Also, no time to read a few words from a member of the same clan...too busy to take a few minutes to check in on the words of someone in their circle or family.
I don't know. Maybe this does matter perhaps too much for me. It's my nature...
...it is also my nature to be amongst people. All peoples. It does not matter who or from where these folks come or came from. Since a child have always enjoyed the company of others...was one of those who did play well with other's. As an adult have always been in managerial occupations and always the type who was the participative type of manager. When I managed that wonderful "Coffee Company's" store at The International Plaza, I was placed in a position to communicate with folks from all corners of Earth Mother. We were blessed with a very busy location and did extraordinary business. Oh, where-ever I managed with my "Coffee Company", I always placed I and I in the position to reach out and "listen"...to touch...
Little did I know or realize how blessed I was to touch so many beautiful people...my "co-workers", my peers, vendors, and our fantastic customers. I got to meet so many...thousands and thousands.
Did I take this for granted?
Now, I am lonely and am very often alone.
All I ask for from them in my circle, my Relations, when I share this blog on Face Book, is please, take just a few minutes...
For what it's worth...
I post this note in recognition of those who read and follow these words of mine. The words of a simple man. This blog has been an awesome avenue for me to expand my contact and communications with others. These words are read by peoples from all over this wonderful Earth Mother of our's. Truly thousands and thousands of folk. Each individual who has read these entry's are met with my honor, with an immense gratitude and my true humbleness. I meant no ill to them who do read my words. I know and you know who you are...or not.
I say and have said what was shared in the previous entry and with this entry dated today, 11 May 2011, for many reasons. Please understand, I try really hard to reach and to make attempts at reaching those "with-in" my immediate Circle. My kinfolk, my family...friends and them I have always had in life. Those my heart believes/believed are friends and family.
I really do share with them. Aloud. I speak and have spoken these very words to them, but the words go unheard...
...as if it was they who are Deaf and Hard of Hearing. As if they had No Ears. Also, no time to read a few words from a member of the same clan...too busy to take a few minutes to check in on the words of someone in their circle or family.
I don't know. Maybe this does matter perhaps too much for me. It's my nature...
...it is also my nature to be amongst people. All peoples. It does not matter who or from where these folks come or came from. Since a child have always enjoyed the company of others...was one of those who did play well with other's. As an adult have always been in managerial occupations and always the type who was the participative type of manager. When I managed that wonderful "Coffee Company's" store at The International Plaza, I was placed in a position to communicate with folks from all corners of Earth Mother. We were blessed with a very busy location and did extraordinary business. Oh, where-ever I managed with my "Coffee Company", I always placed I and I in the position to reach out and "listen"...to touch...
Little did I know or realize how blessed I was to touch so many beautiful people...my "co-workers", my peers, vendors, and our fantastic customers. I got to meet so many...thousands and thousands.
Did I take this for granted?
Now, I am lonely and am very often alone.
All I ask for from them in my circle, my Relations, when I share this blog on Face Book, is please, take just a few minutes...
For what it's worth...
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
Post Vertigo Attack Goin's On
Today I made sure to get to threpy. Am knowing I needed to see Sir Dude face-to-face. I shed tears of sadness in one of my rare safe places here on Earth Mother. Knowing this as it has been done so lately. Crying. Very mostly secretly and often at night when all are asleep. (I have grown ashamed to cry). So have let Sir Dude know I was going back on the pill. I await now for a return call from Dr. N., giving me the thumbs up on the resumption of eating the anti-sad, thorny little pill. This is not a proud thing for me you all! I really did think I could bust this depression up myself...oh well, what can I do? I'm alive. and suppose I'll be back to my pill induced-self in 48 or such hours. Give a day or two. I don't know. Earth calling Dr. N. - Earth calling Dr. N.....
It was a task for me to get up for my appointment this morning. To perspire while getting a couple of t-shirts and Bermudas on is beyond my comprehension. I have slept a huge percentage of time since Sunday afternoon and actually, do plan on returning as soon possible...
...my entire body aches and is pained. Even my ankles hurt. Am exhausted beyond description and am dealing with nausea and the dizziness. My balance and coordination are taxed. Yes, I have medicated as ordered by my doctors. Have been sweating off and on all day...think it would be best for me to be in bed at this very moment. Will be there soon I tell myself - while at the same time telling myself to push myself...push the evelope...ride that dang pony!
The hearing in my right ear continues to fluctuate between not-so-good and shit poor. This same ear continues to plop too...as in plopping. It gets a full sensation, then ploops. Have been with the constant whooshing of storm winds and cicadas big as cats living in my right ear. Oh, these noises puzzle the whole of me! How can one who is Single Side Deaf and Hard of Hearing, hear so damn much, yet hear so little? Sometimes nothing at all. I would love to explain this. My God.
The Voices have returned in quantity...and quality
ONE of the MAJOR issues in my life at this time is the continuation of family and friends who belittle me, mock me, show no care or the slightest support. Not offer even an ear with which to speak. Have figured I'ld have worked my way through this by now, but I SWEAR, not even my bleeding own KINFOLK read this blog. No. NONE! Not the wife or my own children. Neither mine aunts, uncles, cousins or those I have considered friends for years. When I mention friends, I mean friends...not them one would not expect shit from. But, really? Relations? It's a hurtful thing for me as I truly see this blog as a means of communications and connections...seems to me Relations would be interested in what it is like to have a member of your own family with these issues. Losing the hearing WE all take so much for granted.
This is what I get for continuing to believe blood is thicker than water...
...it's a disgusting spot for one to be in.
Am on self-imposed time out.
It was a task for me to get up for my appointment this morning. To perspire while getting a couple of t-shirts and Bermudas on is beyond my comprehension. I have slept a huge percentage of time since Sunday afternoon and actually, do plan on returning as soon possible...
...my entire body aches and is pained. Even my ankles hurt. Am exhausted beyond description and am dealing with nausea and the dizziness. My balance and coordination are taxed. Yes, I have medicated as ordered by my doctors. Have been sweating off and on all day...think it would be best for me to be in bed at this very moment. Will be there soon I tell myself - while at the same time telling myself to push myself...push the evelope...ride that dang pony!
The hearing in my right ear continues to fluctuate between not-so-good and shit poor. This same ear continues to plop too...as in plopping. It gets a full sensation, then ploops. Have been with the constant whooshing of storm winds and cicadas big as cats living in my right ear. Oh, these noises puzzle the whole of me! How can one who is Single Side Deaf and Hard of Hearing, hear so damn much, yet hear so little? Sometimes nothing at all. I would love to explain this. My God.
The Voices have returned in quantity...and quality
ONE of the MAJOR issues in my life at this time is the continuation of family and friends who belittle me, mock me, show no care or the slightest support. Not offer even an ear with which to speak. Have figured I'ld have worked my way through this by now, but I SWEAR, not even my bleeding own KINFOLK read this blog. No. NONE! Not the wife or my own children. Neither mine aunts, uncles, cousins or those I have considered friends for years. When I mention friends, I mean friends...not them one would not expect shit from. But, really? Relations? It's a hurtful thing for me as I truly see this blog as a means of communications and connections...seems to me Relations would be interested in what it is like to have a member of your own family with these issues. Losing the hearing WE all take so much for granted.
This is what I get for continuing to believe blood is thicker than water...
...it's a disgusting spot for one to be in.
Am on self-imposed time out.
Monday, May 9, 2011
A Vertigo Attack On Mom's Day
Between 1530 and 1600, yesterday, which was Monther's Day, I had a rather vicious vertigo attack.
The hearing in right ear was exceptionally strained - extreme difficulty hearing. I was able hear and listen to a whirl-wind of sound, as in a wind tunnel...whirrrrrrrrrrrling-shushingly-whirrrrrrrrling in my ear.
The room twirled and spun leaving me no choice but to get to bed straight away. Was struck with immediate nausea and perspired as I laid on my bed...went into slumber perspiring/sweating.
Have slept until approxitmately 30 minutes ago for medication, sugar check and forced a shower. Am not hungry. I am dizzy and nauseated. My entire body is tortured - mind and body...to my finger tips.
I am beginning to perspire, I feel the trails of perspiration sliding down my back and stomach. I don't want to be awake or up and about...
...I don't want to be here typing these words.
Until the next time..........
My Path is on a time out.
The hearing in right ear was exceptionally strained - extreme difficulty hearing. I was able hear and listen to a whirl-wind of sound, as in a wind tunnel...whirrrrrrrrrrrling-shushingly-whirrrrrrrrling in my ear.
The room twirled and spun leaving me no choice but to get to bed straight away. Was struck with immediate nausea and perspired as I laid on my bed...went into slumber perspiring/sweating.
Have slept until approxitmately 30 minutes ago for medication, sugar check and forced a shower. Am not hungry. I am dizzy and nauseated. My entire body is tortured - mind and body...to my finger tips.
I am beginning to perspire, I feel the trails of perspiration sliding down my back and stomach. I don't want to be awake or up and about...
...I don't want to be here typing these words.
Until the next time..........
My Path is on a time out.
Friday, May 6, 2011
Voices, MRI's and Meniere's
While squeezed like a sausage into this MRI tube, I heard voices in my left ear. Voices meaning more than one...it was as if three or four folks were having a conversation straight into the deaf one ear. No, I don't know who they were or what they were talking about. I think we, I and I weirded out in a way, not quite a spazz - just this wee shy of getting my spazz on. Called time out to shake it off a minute or three. The Frankenstein Mask was extra troublesome this afternoon. Look, I HATE the whole idea of being restrained in any way or fashion. Not even in play do I let things go there...getting my skull attached/bolted to this dreadful machine/monster is not something I like to do at all.
Would rather watch myself recieve staples than get stuffed "up-in-there".
My doctor called me by end of business day. Yes, She Who Intimidates Me called straight away with the results. She reports that there is inflammation of disc and a pinched nerve on C-5,6. She has reconsidered sending me to a surgeon for the time being. Of which, I am pleased and Blessed. Our plan of action is traction as needed, medication, and communications. This is what I was talking about all along. I thanked She and felt good energies after our conversation was complete. I am satisfied with what we have accomplished and look forward to working the plan with this team, "Team Neuro", as a part of my Better Health Team.
I mentioned the voices earlier. Along with them, I am currently dealing with the worms and am uncomfortable with aches and pains all over my body. Nausea was way high earlier...is at a humming mid at this moment. I am medicated for the dizziness and am at ease while experiancing a mild state of dizziness. Have had the sweats/perspirations off and on through out my 6th day of May. The voices have me bugging, I just have to make this clear...I heard voices. There is currently a roaring from my deaf left ear and my right has gone dysfunctional with poor performance...a harsh Hard of Hearing day.
My pony and I need to bring things down a bit and simply relax a spell. Maybe not push the envelope too hard for a couple of days...rest a while along this my Path in life.
Would rather watch myself recieve staples than get stuffed "up-in-there".
My doctor called me by end of business day. Yes, She Who Intimidates Me called straight away with the results. She reports that there is inflammation of disc and a pinched nerve on C-5,6. She has reconsidered sending me to a surgeon for the time being. Of which, I am pleased and Blessed. Our plan of action is traction as needed, medication, and communications. This is what I was talking about all along. I thanked She and felt good energies after our conversation was complete. I am satisfied with what we have accomplished and look forward to working the plan with this team, "Team Neuro", as a part of my Better Health Team.
I mentioned the voices earlier. Along with them, I am currently dealing with the worms and am uncomfortable with aches and pains all over my body. Nausea was way high earlier...is at a humming mid at this moment. I am medicated for the dizziness and am at ease while experiancing a mild state of dizziness. Have had the sweats/perspirations off and on through out my 6th day of May. The voices have me bugging, I just have to make this clear...I heard voices. There is currently a roaring from my deaf left ear and my right has gone dysfunctional with poor performance...a harsh Hard of Hearing day.
My pony and I need to bring things down a bit and simply relax a spell. Maybe not push the envelope too hard for a couple of days...rest a while along this my Path in life.
Thursday, May 5, 2011
Sir Dude! A Note!
Dear Sir Dude,
I admit I failed at making a call to you that ended up being more important than at first considered...
...what a bloody fuckin' week this has been! Surely this has been a week when a gathering would have benefited me very much. For sure.
Am looking forward to our visit come Tuesday. Am thinking I am near requiring a visit.
Lesson learned...
Note to you, Sir Dude and Dr. N., I believe it is necessary for a return to the anti-depressant. Have cried and have shed too many tears lately. You were absolutely correct with your concerns.
Thank you for having my back...
In the mean time I'll do my best to keep my skull above water. Maybe stand on my pony's back if I have to.
I admit I failed at making a call to you that ended up being more important than at first considered...
...what a bloody fuckin' week this has been! Surely this has been a week when a gathering would have benefited me very much. For sure.
Am looking forward to our visit come Tuesday. Am thinking I am near requiring a visit.
Lesson learned...
Note to you, Sir Dude and Dr. N., I believe it is necessary for a return to the anti-depressant. Have cried and have shed too many tears lately. You were absolutely correct with your concerns.
Thank you for having my back...
In the mean time I'll do my best to keep my skull above water. Maybe stand on my pony's back if I have to.
Meniere's, More MRI's, and The Sadness Returns
Tomorrow afternoon at 1400 I will be back at hospital for two more MRI's. One without contrast, the other with the contrast. These will be used to compare the MRI's I took last month. Then I will receive consult with a neuro-surgeon directly after results are in. She Who Intimidates Me, has coordinated the tests and referral. Perhaps it was necessary to speak the words I did with the administrator of the practice...one thing I am certain of is that communications have resumed. Some activity as well.
My left deaf ear has the sounds of a forest of cicadas all celebrating their "coming out" at the same bloody time! I have medicated and have attempted to lay down for the night, but between my left deaf ear and my right-good-bad ear competing with crickets playing their shit on amps. I am on the verge of madness!
Nausea this evening is an 8. The dizziness has been fluctuating between the need to lay down or sit to the Human Bumper Car all day. My entire body is exhausted...from my toe knuckles to the tips of my fingers, my body aches and is sore. I did have productive nausea earlier today and had two near falls since afternoon - one out of doors, the other in my bath room.
Scared me so bad I caught the upset stomach.
I sit here looking at this keyboard and the monitor...the noises are so loud it affects the level of my nausea. It affects the level of my concentration. The ceiling fan sounds like an air boat propeller or an old sea plane with those huge propellers.
I think I may have left a back door open upstairs...the sadness has returned and I am crying more than I have in months. At the most mundane goings on I begin to boo-hoo or have to fight like mad not to weep. I suspect should this continue, I will be put in the position to keep my words for a return to the anti-sad pill. Not a happy place for me to be in at all. Really thought I could whoop this depression by self determination alone. Yes, I did. Really.
The powerlessness is what gets to my mind and being...
Think now I try for a return to slumber...I am so exhausted I am unable to rest. For now anyways. With a pill in my stomach - maybe rest comes soon.
My Path has pot holes and detours at the moment. Think it necessary to rest self and rest my pony Red. Po critter, I have been pushing pretty hard like for a couple of weeks. Sure does feel good when it's all systems go. Not too much when poop hits the fan from every-which-the-way. My heart is sad.
My left deaf ear has the sounds of a forest of cicadas all celebrating their "coming out" at the same bloody time! I have medicated and have attempted to lay down for the night, but between my left deaf ear and my right-good-bad ear competing with crickets playing their shit on amps. I am on the verge of madness!
Nausea this evening is an 8. The dizziness has been fluctuating between the need to lay down or sit to the Human Bumper Car all day. My entire body is exhausted...from my toe knuckles to the tips of my fingers, my body aches and is sore. I did have productive nausea earlier today and had two near falls since afternoon - one out of doors, the other in my bath room.
Scared me so bad I caught the upset stomach.
I sit here looking at this keyboard and the monitor...the noises are so loud it affects the level of my nausea. It affects the level of my concentration. The ceiling fan sounds like an air boat propeller or an old sea plane with those huge propellers.
I think I may have left a back door open upstairs...the sadness has returned and I am crying more than I have in months. At the most mundane goings on I begin to boo-hoo or have to fight like mad not to weep. I suspect should this continue, I will be put in the position to keep my words for a return to the anti-sad pill. Not a happy place for me to be in at all. Really thought I could whoop this depression by self determination alone. Yes, I did. Really.
The powerlessness is what gets to my mind and being...
Think now I try for a return to slumber...I am so exhausted I am unable to rest. For now anyways. With a pill in my stomach - maybe rest comes soon.
My Path has pot holes and detours at the moment. Think it necessary to rest self and rest my pony Red. Po critter, I have been pushing pretty hard like for a couple of weeks. Sure does feel good when it's all systems go. Not too much when poop hits the fan from every-which-the-way. My heart is sad.
Wednesday, May 4, 2011
No Therapy This Week!
Too many days have passed since I last visited Sir Dude, my therapist. It figures that on the week we decided to skip it is followed with by a week I am unable to have a visit. Transport issue. My Bad. Didn't call quick enough. First come - first served...
...same as it always has been.
I feel a need to get with Sir Dude, and yes, there's shit going on between my ears. Think I'll keep them to myself for now. Shit, I know I should've called last week.
Think I'll get outside for a while.
My ears are loud and obnoxious. Maybe I won't hear anything under water. I don't know now - but will in a wee bit.
Shit! I think too much sometimes! Fuck you meniere's!
My Path...
...same as it always has been.
I feel a need to get with Sir Dude, and yes, there's shit going on between my ears. Think I'll keep them to myself for now. Shit, I know I should've called last week.
Think I'll get outside for a while.
My ears are loud and obnoxious. Maybe I won't hear anything under water. I don't know now - but will in a wee bit.
Shit! I think too much sometimes! Fuck you meniere's!
My Path...
Tuesday, May 3, 2011
She Who Intimidates Me. Does.
My Dearest Fellow Earth-Mate's...
Today I have decided to call She Who Intimidates Me. I am unable to acceppt She brush offs or the minimilizations of neurological matters "she" has diagnosed me with. The pain, face spasms, worms crawling about the left side of my skull, waking at every turn in the night and on and on and...
...on top of this the meniere's disease. Which at this moment is high on the nausea. Am dizzy in a very unpleasent way and sit here sweating. Have been able to combat the sleep and have created a good awake time in the morning. I have not been troubled by vertigo attacks for a few weeks. Don't want to type that to loudly as I don't wish to jinx myself. Dig?
Which brings me to He Who Touched My Brain. He has for quite sometime encouraged me to see She. Because of past expericances with She Who Intimidates Me, I was often hesitant to make the contact. I have always felt negative energies from She and have felt as if I were being treated as less than a patient. At times fearful and intimidated...being treated as an under-citizen, sort of falls under my "mixed breed umbrella", ya know? I believe, you see, that this is the way She Who Intimidates Me treats me and or "not" treats me time and time again. I have never asked her for anything but treatment for what ails me. She says I have I have this and that...well, whats happening with it Doc?
Please don't ask...I don't know why I didn't change doctors. Like way long time ago. Am just rather old school I suppose. Committed to being faithful and consistent with my Heath Care Team.
Alright then, this has taken me a spell to finally get up the nerve to speak up for myself. What can I say?
The words have been spoken today that will create issues. I suspect I shall recieve telephone call in the morn.
In the mean time, I shall put up with this plopping in my right-good-bad ear and listen to Zombie Crickets throw gang signs in my left deaf one.
My pony Red continues to carry me good and strong...actually Red feels quite empowered. Come on...
p.s. He Who Touched My Brain, we've had our chats about this. Thank you for the motivation to make things happen with the issues in my neck. Sorry it took me a wee bit to bust a move. Love ya like a little brother!
Today I have decided to call She Who Intimidates Me. I am unable to acceppt She brush offs or the minimilizations of neurological matters "she" has diagnosed me with. The pain, face spasms, worms crawling about the left side of my skull, waking at every turn in the night and on and on and...
...on top of this the meniere's disease. Which at this moment is high on the nausea. Am dizzy in a very unpleasent way and sit here sweating. Have been able to combat the sleep and have created a good awake time in the morning. I have not been troubled by vertigo attacks for a few weeks. Don't want to type that to loudly as I don't wish to jinx myself. Dig?
Which brings me to He Who Touched My Brain. He has for quite sometime encouraged me to see She. Because of past expericances with She Who Intimidates Me, I was often hesitant to make the contact. I have always felt negative energies from She and have felt as if I were being treated as less than a patient. At times fearful and intimidated...being treated as an under-citizen, sort of falls under my "mixed breed umbrella", ya know? I believe, you see, that this is the way She Who Intimidates Me treats me and or "not" treats me time and time again. I have never asked her for anything but treatment for what ails me. She says I have I have this and that...well, whats happening with it Doc?
Please don't ask...I don't know why I didn't change doctors. Like way long time ago. Am just rather old school I suppose. Committed to being faithful and consistent with my Heath Care Team.
Alright then, this has taken me a spell to finally get up the nerve to speak up for myself. What can I say?
The words have been spoken today that will create issues. I suspect I shall recieve telephone call in the morn.
In the mean time, I shall put up with this plopping in my right-good-bad ear and listen to Zombie Crickets throw gang signs in my left deaf one.
My pony Red continues to carry me good and strong...actually Red feels quite empowered. Come on...
p.s. He Who Touched My Brain, we've had our chats about this. Thank you for the motivation to make things happen with the issues in my neck. Sorry it took me a wee bit to bust a move. Love ya like a little brother!
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