Yes, It's Late, I Wanted To Share And Talk

Kindred, 

Love, peace and more peace...

...yes it is rather late for me as the computer clock doesn't click to 12 mid night. I never did return to bed for sleep. There was in fact a need to lay down post shower due to the sensation's of going into shock. I absolutely was positive that if I did not lie down to let the fans and Air condition cool and calm my body and Spirit's I would have fainted. This episode occurred at roughly 1800.

Today and the all of it's episodes, incidents and Meniere's elated symptoms berating me in public and in private. My mouth fails me sometimes. Almost as if this is a piece of my early childhood revisited. I had a twitch and a stutter in the first, second and second grades. I was medicated as a youngster and provided some heavy ass medications. The guidance came later and then, I was let loose again. Back into the grasping hands of the sexual abuser's, incest and Rape. These perpetrators knew I would maintain a silence as a child. As an adult though, I am this close to shouting out at the top of my asthmatic lungs, the names of the men who took advantage of who was once a pretty damned good kid.

I wonder still, is this Meniere's a punishment for the Sins of my past. I have sinned and have prayed and have asked forgiveness. I think sometimes it i my conscience that permits me to beat myself up. It's easy for me because I have been punishing myself all my life. I contemplate if I pay the price for the sins of my father and his father. I'm simple these day's. I speak truths because why walk around with Two Faces when I have already been Blessed a 'Two Spirit' on My Path...

...which runs parallel to The Red Road.

I am sick of the noises and sounds today and into the night. I even conducted an Auditory Experiment out back by the Cement Pond. I stood still for long periods at a time and listened to the quietude of the Preserve and our sanctuary. The night is very quiet out, not silent, but quiet. Unfortunately, the noises that roar in my left deaf ear far out sound sounds I do really not hear. I am Deaf in this ear. Seen. But the noises and sounds have driven me to the point of dialing the 911 Emergency number a few times. I have positively called He-Who_touched-My-Brain and my doctor has not only answered every call, he has called me on his own initiative to check in on me. Yes. Blessed. And I will pay my good doctor a visit in the afternoon. We will have a face to face and a heart to heart. My Dear God, please let there be something else we can do in combating this Meniere's. Time and time again, I get my hopes up real sharp when I have a stretch of three or four of those good days, only to be disappointed time after time. I might meditate on this idea that just popped to mind - what is it that I might possibly be able to do to increase the processes of my coping mechanisms. Do I have a Business Plan in place? No, I do not. I do know that a part of my study of this Meniere's in My Skin, dictates how my day to day is affected by the Meniere's Vertigo attacks, the sometimes days of constant sleep and then there are the days and nights of no sleep. My emotions are effected because of the way my body is affected by these symptoms and post-Meniere's attack symptoms. Yes, Ma'am, there are the before, the during and the afters's. I have had the opportunity to time staking tip-tap what has happened or what it is that is going on between the two three ears of mine. Speaking of which, I've learned to love all three, my left Deaf ear, my implant and abutment and my right hard of hearing ear. I love them, truly.

Oh yes! While at Sir Dude's office today I had the memory of my going to orchestra's, symphony's, to George Straight and Alan Jackson. Have listened to Elvis and James Brown all my life. Stevie Nicks to Miss Country, Dolly Parton. I have always listened to the voices of the performer's and dissect the band by voice. I would also pick out a random instrument in some large symphony and study the musician while also enjoying the Conductor and the musical master piece being played by many wonderful artist. I've always loved music. Music, talking, being in an audience all changed forever from the Meniere's Disease. I figure I better get the most out of what I have left and load up on my Ipod. Etta James. Diana Ross. Barry White. The Rolling Stones, who just happen to have a new album out! Frank Sinatra and Dean Martin. Sammy "The Candy Man" Davis, Jr. To Jay-Z. Naughty By Nature and Tupac. Hell, I even have a copy of the one Ice-T made back in the day that created all that drama. Ha! Music has created Drama from the first note. I know this based on my life's experience's. Honest.

Good Night. Love, peace and more peace.