Anxiety's Of Being Single Side Deaf

Relations,

Am not sure if too many are aware of this, but I have broke the safety clip that was attached to my processor for safety measures. I called my audiologist this afternoon and reckon I'll hear from her come Monday. I will not wear my processor again until I receive the safety clip with fish line.

I have decided to talk of the anxieties that come with and from being Single Side Deaf. With or without my processor attached to the implant, the anxiety remains. When someone loses one means of hearing and then the balance of same ear as well, well, everything really changes. Everything, my Kin. There isn't enough I could say to describe what it has been like to lose these both simultaneously.

Accompanying my spouse to the store with the Big Red Dot is a mighty huge thing for me. There is no doubt that I will be dripping with sweat and perspiration at some point in our trip. There are times when the dizziness of the Meniere's, the sounds and noises in the market, the children screaming, laughing, crying - the sounds of people talking and buggies squeaking...

...and the noises I listen to between my ears. Anxiety.

The anxiety that comes when I have misplaced my cellular device, call it from the land line, hear it and find the general area of the telephone, but am forced to call back three or four times to zero in on it. FAQ this sucks. It happened today and damn it, it was frustration magnified. Please.

When I am lost in the super market, anxiety shoots up bad. The family whistle does not work anymore because when she whistles back - I can't tell where the hell her whistle is coming from, and then there have been copy cat's thinking it's cute to whistle back. So I must stop.

A lack of Safety and Security. All rules, all scenario's, all balls to the wall, this is the area where I am most provoked and troubled by. I do not like at all not being able to be 100% cognizant of my entire area and or space when there is a part of my perception blacked out. This is something that requires a years long adjustment I would say, Because I am still adjusting. Even tonight. I have so tried to stop the quick glances over my shoulders. I have learned each of my hounds sleep breathing and snoring. I have learned to love the satellite door bell. The hounds have trained me to listen to their bark - I know when to go take a look. They have trained me well.

I continue to permit the "gawkers" to provoke anxiety in my Spirit's. It's no longer them who are curious and openly speak about the machine attached to the left side of my thick ass skull. Oh God, real quick like, my dearest Mom would often ask me this, "...when will you get this so-and-so through your thick ass head"...

...my Mommy Dearest, I do love you so much! Miss you too Ma!

But yes, it's the gawkers who make extra trips around an aisle to take another look. Or a fellow bus rider who can not take his eyes off of it or my face. Bless his heart, I decided Wednesday, afternoon to let the young fellows imagination think whatever it was he wanted it to. I laugh now. Then, I wasn't sure what his business was about. I introduced myself and informed the young man and the bus driver that this was a BAHA. It was as if they thought I had special powers or something because neither one stopped looking or stopped asking questions.

Anxiety's of being Single Side Deaf, and in my case HH, Hard of Hearing too. The right ear is Hard of Hearing. The same ear that requires time in the morning to wake up. It is this one that goes totally silent every once and again. The anxiety that comes from the task that talking becomes.

Laying in bed and not being able to hear a telephone ring not two feet from my face. I have trained myself well to sleep on my right side because of the dozen surgeries here on the left side. So numerous they were that my sleeping patterns were changed. I am slowly teaching myself to sleep on my left deaf side again - it is something I must do with a purpose because I want to hear and listen as hard as I may to be the guard dog. Please, when I head off to sleep the only sounds I hear are them in my ears and or the abutment and implant brushing up against the Scooby-Doo pillow sleeve. Oh yes, the implant is like a nerve - when it is touched or brushed up against something I hear it in my right hard of hearing ear.

Anxiety becomes a way of life. With our own language. Anxiety's of being Single Side Deaf.