Run

Greetings,

Early this afternoon, I awoke from a sleep that took along in slumber most of my life since Saturday evening. I wonder if it was the dizziness, or the productive nausea. I seriously don't think this was due to a Meniere's Attack. Could this have been from the exhaustion of trying to hear and listen? Was this due in part because of the energy required to try to tune out the sounds and nosies that are created by one dead ear and the other faltering? The energy spent from walking with purpose is exhausting. Keeping focus on step by step. Let me share that falling is horrifying to a grown ass man. An exhaustion that takes top priority post haste are whatever issues that accompany this disease that has taken and is taking my hearing. My body is sore, aches and is pained by something I can not see - something that has and takes control of me. I'm told this and that and listen to how this disease affects the body as a system. I hear how soon I'll lose that or this. How it is in that I am losing hearing and there's nothing more that can be done. It was disgusting the way my wife had to turn off my alarm clock this morning because I was not picking up on that loud ass sound that irritates us all...

...except me and this one beautiful ear that is losing sound. Daily. So inside of my self I run.

The deafness is horrid. I can't explain what having to wait for my right ear to awake and  beginning to take a bit longer than usual, feels like. How could I describe that? The sudden and unannounced total silence and quite that envelops my world and I time and time again. Please, don't wait, just let me run. The sounds that have been alive with me while awake and in sleep these past three days have been exceptionally loud and extraordinarily frustrating. In my Left Deaf Ear there has been the sound of a roaring airplane that seems to be parked outside of my bedroom window. I also have had this irritating 'wahhhhhhhhhhhhhh' sound. Just as one might pronounce such a spelling, 'wahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh'! There has been the beeping of a truck in reverse. The sounds of Tarzan's Jungle in my right ear and on and on and on and no, there's not a damned thing I can do. So in my Spirit's, we try like hell to run.

I have had this wish to run physically for quite some time now. In my mind, I see myself running. The wind blowing through the curls atop my balding scalp and wind brushing my face. It would be some sight to see someone who stumbles while walking with a four-legged cane take to running. It's just not in the mix right yet. I so hope and pray that someday I will run.

And run.