At The 39th Hour, I Closed

Kind Kindred,

Sending out this communique to share that at the 39th hour of continuous no sleep, my systems mutinied last night and shut me down. I am knowing it was past the thirty-ninth hour by a quarter or two, but I didn't want to look at my clock. I was attempting to journal when suddenly I began writing in hieroglyphics's and my eyes so wild out of balance and focus, dictated a the closure of these eye lids. I relinquished and very possibly collapsed into a deep, deep sleep. So strong and so deep from the utter exhaustion. Sleep was so swift and sudden.

Today, the sounds and noises remain, and for some reason seems to be exclusive to the left Deaf one. There's interruption enough with what's going on between the two halves of this ferrous brain and mind's. Please, I am doing well with the mental/emotional balance. There's just a lot of thinking, thoughts, memories, self evaluation and analysis being conducted. The realization that I am most critical of self, occurs post Meniere's Attacks and post these episodic occurrences of non-sleep.

There is a bit of a heavier state of blue going on within today. The evil one knows when to strike and lash out. The negative energy and vibrations are sent out enforce...

...the grasping a hold on to the concept that all of what I have just shared is due to, in most part to the Meniere's Disease. Symptomatically speaking. And hell no, this is not an attempt at some adolescent justification for what it is that goes on within this skin. I am a responsible person and know damned well the difference between right and wrong. Rational and irrational. I own this.

The depressions and emotional turmoil is something that is not new to me. You see? It was the integration of the physical ailments that intensified the whirl wind of mind matter within what was once a level headed individual. A very hard working professional who excelled at operating well functioning and profitable business's. A free Spirit that was used to moving in the pace that My Path had created for me. I travel when I wished, went on amazing walk abouts when I caught the itch and kept things as cool as possible. Sweet and smoothly. As I have lived before.

There was a mad form of confusion manifest that has fought like 'mad' to take control of my body and I. My Spirit's and My Path. I have gone through some ugly ass changes here over the past five or so years. I won't ever forget what these few years have been like. Where did I go?

Today, the spectrum of my gained experiences and knowledge leads the all of me down a different path. I have also gained an indescribable extraordinary strength and motivation. Sometimes I catch a glance and see the me and yes, I doubt at times, but it sinks in that I am a different person today. Yet, my personality and I remain same through such life affecting changes. I am what I am - I am that I am, and I am who I am. Seen.

I have found this place within my Spirit's that provides me the strength of love and life for life and love. Yes, I am a Warrior and a Survivor of Rape, Incest, and Sexual Abuse. Am a Survivor of too many things I have had to endure and live through. All of which, I know and am aware has taken from Earth Mother, many of my brothers and sisters. So too many.

I am a Blessed One. 

An acceptance?