Kindred,
Yes, I have been avoiding the Pink Elephant in my head. This never works as a defense mechanism, although I continue to think I am utilizing the avoiding thing to my favor. Such delusion hurts the mind and Spirit's. If you didn't know before, now you do.
I had another stretch of non-sleep begin yesterday and was able to get two hours sleep earlier today. I will remain awake until the wife retires for the evening. Medicated. My doctor prescribes medicine for me because he sees these medications as optimum effort in assisting me with the combat's of the different types of Meniere's Disease symptoms, zeroing in on the dizziness and nausea, and doing this does provide an excellent Allie in combating these symptoms. It's to my benefit.
The horrifically loud sounds and noises since I woke up yesterday have been exceptionally foul. The dizziness was very bad and balance and coordination presented many challenges these two days. The best I can describe this is being on unsafe ground I walk on. It is correct and the right thing to do, to walk each step, by step, and Kindred, I have. I am bummed something bad. But what can you do when you live in a shoe? For me my French Canadian friend, I keep on trucken. I've simply got to keep on keeping on. My quad cane is an extension of my hand and arm. Sometimes the dizziness requires the walkers use and I do use it. It has medicine beads on it.
The nausea has been a seven and riding the throat. Please pardon what I am about to say, but I have had to taste lunch too many times since I ate my meal. Meaning I have thrown up a little bit into my mouth several times. There's an acidic ting to it too.
The sounds as I mentioned have been continuous - with out cease. Today, I have had beep's coming from my right ear, off and on all damned day. Earlier this afternoon I heard what I thought was a zeppelin passing over head. Yes, today I checked because I wanted to see who the sponsor was. Baby, there wasn't a damned blimp out side or above the lodge. The sound was so manifest that I was convinced prior to stepping out of doors that I would see Met Life and Snoopy. What the feck? Oops, I did it again...
...the day I don't check will be the day my house is bombard by Russian KGB Jet Fighter's.
My left deaf ear for just a brief moment was totally out of sound earlier. That bit of respite permitted me the luxury of that two hour nap. I layed on my right ear and let myself go total Deaf. Totally Deaf. Sleep came at it's own pace, but I did get a rest. At this very instant I am listening to a mess of clatter and clanging in my deaf one. There is never any clue or idea of what type of hearing day I will be having on any given day of the week. The deafness is not always deaf. I continue to live with and am sometimes pushed to the edge by the audio hallucinations. I can't help myself with this shit. I learned to let go and let He-Who-Touched-My-Brain, but have yet to let total loose and let God.
Forgive me, My Dear God, for my lack of faith. Please, forgive me. Oh, and Lord, will you please have a chat with me about the subject of forgiveness. This is a topic that has come up alot lately and I want to learn to forgive.
The Pink Elephant has been addressed. Pardon me for being me. No wait, do not. I am who I am.
I have nothing else to say.
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