Woke up early this morning to see that a Hawk was visiting me and our Sanctuary. What an extraordinary visit. This is second time in less than one week this Hawk has visited me. I think I will contemplate these occasions. I know I am humbled by these visits. I will read up and study some on what this represents. I wish to know the message...
...and wish to know the medicine of Turtle, Squirrel and Dragon Fly as well. All have crossed My Path within days gone by. The four also represent the four directions. I think I will call a time out and draw the medicine card spread. I am thinking this is what was meant to be today.
Thank you, Hawk for bringing me this direction this morning. I am blessed. I am not worthy.
The time is 1237 - I will draw the spread now. Right, the time is now 1305. I have decided on the spread that is called The Medicine Wheel Spread. There are five cards, One for each direction and a Center card that is known as The Scared Mountain card.
It is necessary that I be forthright honest. This is My Path.
Sacred Mountain asks that I look at the present. I stand at a crossroads and have known such for many seasons. Soon the Autumn will bring cool breath for Mother Earth. I am an Autumn Child.
Card One is The Hawk and represents the East Direction.
Card Two is The Turtle and represents the South Direction.
Card Three is Mr. Squirrel and represents the West Direction.
Card Four is Madame Dragon Fly and she represents the Northern Direction.
Card Five will be pulled once I have visited with my Guests and the Four Directions.
The time is 1316.
Will be back in a while. Have ceremony. Pray and burn White Sage. Look in and read. Seen.
Friday, August 31, 2012
Ode To Kenny Chesney
I want to see you shake those hips when you're
on that stage tonight
wearing those jeans I love
that fit you just right.
Boy, I wanna see your junk from where I sit
you're so hot - sometimes I want to touch it.
Don't forget to point at me Kenny
and look me in the eye Kenny,
My dear Kenny Chesney.
I know you and you knew
that tall, big faced, bitch
ugly ass and blond too
was not meant for you.
You've been singing to me
can't you see, Kenny? Since we
met in Tennessee. Kenny, my boy, I
never have liked the way you play me
like a toy. Sometimes
like her, she, he and me
My dear, my dearest Kenny.
I want to see you shake those hips when you're
on that stage tonight
wearing those jeans I love
that fit you just right.
Boy I wanna see your junk from where I sit
you're so hot - sometimes I want to touch it.
Don't forget to point at me Kenny
and look me in the eye Kenny,
My dear, my dear Kenny Chesney.
Kenny, you know my love for
you has always been true
and only for you.
You come and lie next to me
and sing
the one's you wrote just for me.
You take my breath away Boy
I get nervous and don't mean to be coy
but, my pulse pumps - I wanna be your toy.
My dear sweet Kenny Chesney.
I want to see you shake those hips when you're
on that stage tonight
wearing those jeans I love
that fit you so right.
Boy, I wanna see your junk from where I sit
you're so hot - sometimes I just want to
reach out and touch it.
Don't forget to point at me Kenny
and look me in the eye Kenny,
My, my dear Kenny Chesney.
I thought I saw you at The Palladium
last night Kenny Chesney
All this time Kenny, I thought
you've been singing to me. Kenny?
Was it all in my mind? All this time
because I saw you last in 2009.
Kenny, I miss you and I know
you miss me too.
I want to see you shake those hips when you're
on that stage tonight
wearing those jeans I love
that fit you so right.
Boy, I wanna see your junk from where I sit
you're so hot - sometimes I just want to touch it.
Don't forget to point at me Kenny
and look me in the eye Kenny,
My, my dear Kenny Chesney.
Marie and All of Me, present this, "Ode To Kenny Chesney". Enjoy
on that stage tonight
wearing those jeans I love
that fit you just right.
Boy, I wanna see your junk from where I sit
you're so hot - sometimes I want to touch it.
Don't forget to point at me Kenny
and look me in the eye Kenny,
My dear Kenny Chesney.
I know you and you knew
that tall, big faced, bitch
ugly ass and blond too
was not meant for you.
You've been singing to me
can't you see, Kenny? Since we
met in Tennessee. Kenny, my boy, I
never have liked the way you play me
like a toy. Sometimes
like her, she, he and me
My dear, my dearest Kenny.
I want to see you shake those hips when you're
on that stage tonight
wearing those jeans I love
that fit you just right.
Boy I wanna see your junk from where I sit
you're so hot - sometimes I want to touch it.
Don't forget to point at me Kenny
and look me in the eye Kenny,
My dear, my dear Kenny Chesney.
Kenny, you know my love for
you has always been true
and only for you.
You come and lie next to me
and sing
the one's you wrote just for me.
You take my breath away Boy
I get nervous and don't mean to be coy
but, my pulse pumps - I wanna be your toy.
My dear sweet Kenny Chesney.
I want to see you shake those hips when you're
on that stage tonight
wearing those jeans I love
that fit you so right.
Boy, I wanna see your junk from where I sit
you're so hot - sometimes I just want to
reach out and touch it.
Don't forget to point at me Kenny
and look me in the eye Kenny,
My, my dear Kenny Chesney.
I thought I saw you at The Palladium
last night Kenny Chesney
All this time Kenny, I thought
you've been singing to me. Kenny?
Was it all in my mind? All this time
because I saw you last in 2009.
Kenny, I miss you and I know
you miss me too.
I want to see you shake those hips when you're
on that stage tonight
wearing those jeans I love
that fit you so right.
Boy, I wanna see your junk from where I sit
you're so hot - sometimes I just want to touch it.
Don't forget to point at me Kenny
and look me in the eye Kenny,
My, my dear Kenny Chesney.
Marie and All of Me, present this, "Ode To Kenny Chesney". Enjoy
Thursday, August 30, 2012
A Prayer For Louisiana
Dearest Kinfolk and Kindred of Louisiana,
Hey-Ya!
Cousins, know you have Kinfolks out here praying for you and yours.
Great Spirit, Bless them along the route of this dangerous storm, Hurricane Issac.
Bless them who have lost their lives and Bless them who have lost life because of this Hurricane.
Great Spirit, Bless them throughout the Caribbean who were also affected and effected.
My Heart is bad and my Spirit's ache.
God Bless One and God Bless All. Please.
Great Spirit! May your aid and assistance be sent with great haste!
Amen. And Amen.
Hey-Ya!
Cousins, know you have Kinfolks out here praying for you and yours.
Great Spirit, Bless them along the route of this dangerous storm, Hurricane Issac.
Bless them who have lost their lives and Bless them who have lost life because of this Hurricane.
Great Spirit, Bless them throughout the Caribbean who were also affected and effected.
My Heart is bad and my Spirit's ache.
God Bless One and God Bless All. Please.
Great Spirit! May your aid and assistance be sent with great haste!
Amen. And Amen.
...sound's of meniere's...
i have just heard my alarm clock go off. it's 1601. my alarm is silent. my ear is not.
so i play some music. the genre makes no matter to me. i require sound right now.
listening to Beethoven's Ninth Symphony, or Miles Davis and his trumpet, Stevie Nicks and her extraordinary voice, Grover Washington Jr., James Brown, still keeps it funky for me or Tanya Tucker, reminds me of tunes i enjoyed with both ears. music sounds different when there's one receptacle to the brain and the other one is like screaming at a wall.
i still hold on and listen to what i have. there's a whole bunch of Angels telling me to listen. for example, my wife and her voice, my baby's and theirs. they are Angels, so are The Ohio Players, Madonna, Aerosmith, and Fleetwood Mac - all send me Angel messages. my nephews voices. my Angels, my lil' nieces voices - all are tio's Angels. even though maw and paw say other wise.
sounds are different all around these days. familiar yes, but different.
my super market where shopping is a pleasure, or the store with the big red dots out front often times become mice-maze-like to me. Should I get what I perceive to be as lost, I will often go into an anxiety scenario, so i whistle our family song and wait. when i do not get a response, i do feel child-like and am lost. there have been occasion's when there has been multiple response's - which throws me the fuck off and turned off too. That's when I silence the whistle and wait for a voice...
...then when i hear the voice, which is usually Brenda's, my entire system goes into a search and locate mode. if the area i am in has too many Folk i tend to turn it off and wait for a direct link or connection. this is why i very frequently leave these locales perspiring and tense or dense.
the sounds that are out side of my head also live inside and between these ear holes to the brain.
i have tolerated scoldings, belittlement, embarrassing stares and comments - from kin and others. complete mule-ass strangers.
"why you gotta be so loud?", "why don't you just listen?", "what?". well then, now you know.
meniere's has taken a way of life from me - my job, my ability to drive a car, my ability to ride a tricycle is not available at this time - please leave a message at the sound of the beep. emotions became raw nerves exposed to the elements. some Folks enjoyed playing with them. i saw. listened.
meniere's stole away finances that were had been set aside for our retirement years. i get so fuckin' stressed out sometimes i feel my brain beat to the sound of my pulse.
meniere's let ME see just how many and what kinfolk or kindred are around or about. please. this disease has exposed too much of what life is really all about. there are many in my circle that just don't cut the cluster any more. so, i separate. why associate? yes, them with two faces. trouble.
seen.
meniere's has destroyed a relationship between a doctor and his client. yeah i know. try harder.
meniere's has taken all hearing from one ear. that's the one like a brick wall. my right ear falters and has gone sour. not bad, just bitter i reckon.
meniere's has taught me to adjust and i continue to adjust the best i can. am learning a different life. i want more out of life - so i better get.
i have always enjoyed sounds and noises and music and voices. I know now we associate sound with life and the living. please, i know i sure as shit did and still do. although i still try so hard to do. now i know my listening is not my normal anymore. no more. never more. and all like that...
...folks just don't know honey. don't even try that shit here. not no more, anyway - anyhow.
this is all i want to say.
so i play some music. the genre makes no matter to me. i require sound right now.
listening to Beethoven's Ninth Symphony, or Miles Davis and his trumpet, Stevie Nicks and her extraordinary voice, Grover Washington Jr., James Brown, still keeps it funky for me or Tanya Tucker, reminds me of tunes i enjoyed with both ears. music sounds different when there's one receptacle to the brain and the other one is like screaming at a wall.
i still hold on and listen to what i have. there's a whole bunch of Angels telling me to listen. for example, my wife and her voice, my baby's and theirs. they are Angels, so are The Ohio Players, Madonna, Aerosmith, and Fleetwood Mac - all send me Angel messages. my nephews voices. my Angels, my lil' nieces voices - all are tio's Angels. even though maw and paw say other wise.
sounds are different all around these days. familiar yes, but different.
my super market where shopping is a pleasure, or the store with the big red dots out front often times become mice-maze-like to me. Should I get what I perceive to be as lost, I will often go into an anxiety scenario, so i whistle our family song and wait. when i do not get a response, i do feel child-like and am lost. there have been occasion's when there has been multiple response's - which throws me the fuck off and turned off too. That's when I silence the whistle and wait for a voice...
...then when i hear the voice, which is usually Brenda's, my entire system goes into a search and locate mode. if the area i am in has too many Folk i tend to turn it off and wait for a direct link or connection. this is why i very frequently leave these locales perspiring and tense or dense.
the sounds that are out side of my head also live inside and between these ear holes to the brain.
i have tolerated scoldings, belittlement, embarrassing stares and comments - from kin and others. complete mule-ass strangers.
"why you gotta be so loud?", "why don't you just listen?", "what?". well then, now you know.
meniere's has taken a way of life from me - my job, my ability to drive a car, my ability to ride a tricycle is not available at this time - please leave a message at the sound of the beep. emotions became raw nerves exposed to the elements. some Folks enjoyed playing with them. i saw. listened.
meniere's stole away finances that were had been set aside for our retirement years. i get so fuckin' stressed out sometimes i feel my brain beat to the sound of my pulse.
meniere's let ME see just how many and what kinfolk or kindred are around or about. please. this disease has exposed too much of what life is really all about. there are many in my circle that just don't cut the cluster any more. so, i separate. why associate? yes, them with two faces. trouble.
seen.
meniere's has destroyed a relationship between a doctor and his client. yeah i know. try harder.
meniere's has taken all hearing from one ear. that's the one like a brick wall. my right ear falters and has gone sour. not bad, just bitter i reckon.
meniere's has taught me to adjust and i continue to adjust the best i can. am learning a different life. i want more out of life - so i better get.
i have always enjoyed sounds and noises and music and voices. I know now we associate sound with life and the living. please, i know i sure as shit did and still do. although i still try so hard to do. now i know my listening is not my normal anymore. no more. never more. and all like that...
...folks just don't know honey. don't even try that shit here. not no more, anyway - anyhow.
this is all i want to say.
I Am A Freak
Kin and Folks,
I can't say anything more or other than the truth about the following...
...so then let this be written.
I'm a freak...
Woke up from a +24 hour shut down just a while ago. Slept so hard it affected my hearing.
My Right Hard of Hearing one is still shut off. It's freakin' slaying me. What a freak!
The Freak Sleep has also affected my innards. Digestion, coordination and the etc, etc., etc's.
I am a freak with an antenna sticking out my skull just shy an inch or so.
There is a Niece who says I have a satellite disc behind my ear. Asks if I pick up the HBO?
My mother-In-Law, says I have a Sink Hole back there. My father-in-law asks if it can be filled.
You know you're a freak if your maw-In-law and paw-in-law says that to ya.
This is the left side of my head that is. The freaky side. With brilliant scar's.
I dislike pain. Alot. Yet, there are certain pains I like. I like alot. And enjoy. No examples. Please?
I try my best to control stuff. I don't often succeed. Can't control life stuff too much, ya know.
The hearing on the right ear is not freaking good. Actually, quite poor. Time to call Doctor. I did.
There's a helicopter chopping overhead. But, I know there isn't. Qualifying factor in being a freak.
A perfectionist continues to dwell within. Directed at self. Am an Inwardly directed perfectionist. Seen.
I am a freak about Levi 501 button fly jeans. I don't know why. Denims. Daisy Dukes. What?
Am freaking learning to love myself. Finally. Am a freak about parts and pieces of my body.
There are times when I freak out over the way some Folks freak out over me.
I think I'm becoming a better freak at this whole freaked-out-implant-this-freaked-out-dude-has.
I am a freak, I know this, because I like to see myself naked in the mirror.
Enjoy seeing this freaked out dude in white cotton shirt and 501's. Is this freaky? Yes. I like.
I am a freak behind closed doors. As if an alter freak emerges. A Super Freak.
One of them, "freaky freaks". The kind you so do take home to Mama.
I know this. By word of mouth I have heard this freaking shit. So, I know this. I am.
I'm a freak because I am able to pick up the craft on Mars sending back messages to NASA.
When my Mixed-Blooded-Mess, gets to fighting between one and the other - I let The Freak out.
Mr. Freak here assists in keeping things as calm and peaceful as possible. A Libra Freak...
...keeping nice with the blacks, whites, reds and browns within this DNA. Multi-Freak's?
Yes, I am living proof! Multi-Freaks do exist! A New Diagnoses, indeed! Multi-Freak.
The freak's in my Spirits are happy freaks. We have learned that we are all freaks.
Some freaks carry this easier than other freaks. I'm one not afraid that I'm a freak...
...this kind of freak here does not require masks or more than one face in this life. My Path.
It's the freak in me that invited Mr. and Mrs. Meniere's to move in. What the freak else to do?
It's the freak in me who has survived much in life.
I am the freak who will continue to live, thrive and succeed with life. No matter what the freak.
At whatever the freak I wish to do in life.
Then, as it was written, then it shall be done!
I Am A Freak!
p.s. I freaking enjoy the freak out of it too!
Oh Yeah! If you dislike freaks or consider yourself freak free. To bad for you! Freak Off then!
I can't say anything more or other than the truth about the following...
...so then let this be written.
I'm a freak...
Woke up from a +24 hour shut down just a while ago. Slept so hard it affected my hearing.
My Right Hard of Hearing one is still shut off. It's freakin' slaying me. What a freak!
The Freak Sleep has also affected my innards. Digestion, coordination and the etc, etc., etc's.
I am a freak with an antenna sticking out my skull just shy an inch or so.
There is a Niece who says I have a satellite disc behind my ear. Asks if I pick up the HBO?
My mother-In-Law, says I have a Sink Hole back there. My father-in-law asks if it can be filled.
You know you're a freak if your maw-In-law and paw-in-law says that to ya.
This is the left side of my head that is. The freaky side. With brilliant scar's.
I dislike pain. Alot. Yet, there are certain pains I like. I like alot. And enjoy. No examples. Please?
I try my best to control stuff. I don't often succeed. Can't control life stuff too much, ya know.
The hearing on the right ear is not freaking good. Actually, quite poor. Time to call Doctor. I did.
There's a helicopter chopping overhead. But, I know there isn't. Qualifying factor in being a freak.
A perfectionist continues to dwell within. Directed at self. Am an Inwardly directed perfectionist. Seen.
I am a freak about Levi 501 button fly jeans. I don't know why. Denims. Daisy Dukes. What?
Am freaking learning to love myself. Finally. Am a freak about parts and pieces of my body.
There are times when I freak out over the way some Folks freak out over me.
I think I'm becoming a better freak at this whole freaked-out-implant-this-freaked-out-dude-has.
I am a freak, I know this, because I like to see myself naked in the mirror.
Enjoy seeing this freaked out dude in white cotton shirt and 501's. Is this freaky? Yes. I like.
I am a freak behind closed doors. As if an alter freak emerges. A Super Freak.
One of them, "freaky freaks". The kind you so do take home to Mama.
I know this. By word of mouth I have heard this freaking shit. So, I know this. I am.
I'm a freak because I am able to pick up the craft on Mars sending back messages to NASA.
When my Mixed-Blooded-Mess, gets to fighting between one and the other - I let The Freak out.
Mr. Freak here assists in keeping things as calm and peaceful as possible. A Libra Freak...
...keeping nice with the blacks, whites, reds and browns within this DNA. Multi-Freak's?
Yes, I am living proof! Multi-Freaks do exist! A New Diagnoses, indeed! Multi-Freak.
The freak's in my Spirits are happy freaks. We have learned that we are all freaks.
Some freaks carry this easier than other freaks. I'm one not afraid that I'm a freak...
...this kind of freak here does not require masks or more than one face in this life. My Path.
It's the freak in me that invited Mr. and Mrs. Meniere's to move in. What the freak else to do?
It's the freak in me who has survived much in life.
I am the freak who will continue to live, thrive and succeed with life. No matter what the freak.
At whatever the freak I wish to do in life.
Then, as it was written, then it shall be done!
I Am A Freak!
p.s. I freaking enjoy the freak out of it too!
Oh Yeah! If you dislike freaks or consider yourself freak free. To bad for you! Freak Off then!
Wednesday, August 29, 2012
I Don't Smoke
Relations,
I don't smoke and have not smoked a cigarette in several years, but at this very moment I want a Benson & Hedges Menthol so damned bad. I don't know what to say or how to explain this that I am going through.
No Cigars. I hate them and the memories stirred by the slightest scent of a cigar leaf.
Did smoke a pipe decades ago and have considered picking one up again. You know, the whole house shoes, smoking robe and news paper thing. My hounds resting at my feet. Ha! I think the wife and off spring would want to shed my blood behind this genius idea. Not really...
...it's just that I would much rather breathe than smoke. I don't want to suck on any more inhalers than I absolutely have to. Wait, my Right Good Doctor, He-Who-Knows-My-Lungs would subject me to all sorts of reprimand and embarrassment. I love him to deaf. Only Great Spirit knows how many times he has saved my life. Maybe soon we have a Face to Face, "Dr. M."! I can see in my Crystal Ball that the time comes sooner than I would like.
No, Kinfolk, I don't smoke.
I don't smoke and have not smoked a cigarette in several years, but at this very moment I want a Benson & Hedges Menthol so damned bad. I don't know what to say or how to explain this that I am going through.
No Cigars. I hate them and the memories stirred by the slightest scent of a cigar leaf.
Did smoke a pipe decades ago and have considered picking one up again. You know, the whole house shoes, smoking robe and news paper thing. My hounds resting at my feet. Ha! I think the wife and off spring would want to shed my blood behind this genius idea. Not really...
...it's just that I would much rather breathe than smoke. I don't want to suck on any more inhalers than I absolutely have to. Wait, my Right Good Doctor, He-Who-Knows-My-Lungs would subject me to all sorts of reprimand and embarrassment. I love him to deaf. Only Great Spirit knows how many times he has saved my life. Maybe soon we have a Face to Face, "Dr. M."! I can see in my Crystal Ball that the time comes sooner than I would like.
No, Kinfolk, I don't smoke.
Noise
Relations,
Greetings and yes, I am aware it is rather late or quite early depending on which side of the clock I approach it from. I have been getting the noise torture from both ears tonight, much of the day was same-same and am just about at wits end. I am sleepy and would have enjoyed a good nights sleep, but nope. No sleep tonight so I have rested my muscles and bones while reading our Declaration Of Independence. My eye orbs have gone blurry on me this evening - well, now that I remember, I experienced the blurriness earlier on the walk to Turtle Creek. The bottom line on this topic are the noises I have had to listen to and am listening to at this very damned moment. There's a Symphonic Orchestra of Crickets, Cicadas and Frogs having improvisation night. Come one, come all, it's Open Mic Night in this skull. Like, bloody hell! These have gone on for well over an hour and as I sit here right now I listen to these critters as if they were on the back of a huge farm I own between my ears. So damned loud! So damned distracting that it is difficult concentrating on a good read...
...the Left-Deaf-Ear-Hole-To-My-Brain is listening to multiple series of beeps in rapid succession. Then there's a long stretched out beep that captures my attention every time. No rings. No Tibetan Ting-Ting's here tonight. Just good old fucking beeps.
Earlier today while resting in from the heat, a Locomotive pulled up along side my back gate. One of those old fashioned loud steam locomotives too! I didn't check - I'm familiar with this train. It's not there but it's always on time. Like the occasional satellite that I pick up on my Satellite-Disk-On-My-Head, this noise seems to begin from afar, approaches, then moves right on by. From time to time, I pick up messages from foreign sources. With all of this high technology it seems to me that their "Top Secret" communiques would be handled more securely.
The static of that radio that the soldier did not turn down during radio silence. Is so loud. So damned loud.
Oh yes, late last week, Brenda and I were here in our Lodge relaxing and speaking when I noticed this hoovering sound from above my head and out of doors. In my Minds Ear, I heard what I perceived to be a UFO, spinning and hoovering straight above me. Loud and so freaking creepy I got goose bumps on my tummy. No, Brenda did not hear it. And why yes, I asked and no Ma'am, I did not take a look and see.
While on the walk about earlier the wind was so strong and my hearing so poor, I did not hear my keys fall from my waist. Yes, they were lost but then I found them, thank Great Spirit. The intensity of the sound of wind was incredible. So incredibly loud...
...so now and at this moment, I listen to German music. Trying to drown out these noises between my ears and deep in my skull. I conclude this only aggravates the situation. Yet, I must listen to anything other than the silence in our bedroom - I must listen to anything other than these damned noises! By the way, my favorite German groups are Kettcar, Tomate and Hansen Band. Damned good alternative rock.
Guten nacht...Guten Morgan...
Greetings and yes, I am aware it is rather late or quite early depending on which side of the clock I approach it from. I have been getting the noise torture from both ears tonight, much of the day was same-same and am just about at wits end. I am sleepy and would have enjoyed a good nights sleep, but nope. No sleep tonight so I have rested my muscles and bones while reading our Declaration Of Independence. My eye orbs have gone blurry on me this evening - well, now that I remember, I experienced the blurriness earlier on the walk to Turtle Creek. The bottom line on this topic are the noises I have had to listen to and am listening to at this very damned moment. There's a Symphonic Orchestra of Crickets, Cicadas and Frogs having improvisation night. Come one, come all, it's Open Mic Night in this skull. Like, bloody hell! These have gone on for well over an hour and as I sit here right now I listen to these critters as if they were on the back of a huge farm I own between my ears. So damned loud! So damned distracting that it is difficult concentrating on a good read...
...the Left-Deaf-Ear-Hole-To-My-Brain is listening to multiple series of beeps in rapid succession. Then there's a long stretched out beep that captures my attention every time. No rings. No Tibetan Ting-Ting's here tonight. Just good old fucking beeps.
Earlier today while resting in from the heat, a Locomotive pulled up along side my back gate. One of those old fashioned loud steam locomotives too! I didn't check - I'm familiar with this train. It's not there but it's always on time. Like the occasional satellite that I pick up on my Satellite-Disk-On-My-Head, this noise seems to begin from afar, approaches, then moves right on by. From time to time, I pick up messages from foreign sources. With all of this high technology it seems to me that their "Top Secret" communiques would be handled more securely.
The static of that radio that the soldier did not turn down during radio silence. Is so loud. So damned loud.
Oh yes, late last week, Brenda and I were here in our Lodge relaxing and speaking when I noticed this hoovering sound from above my head and out of doors. In my Minds Ear, I heard what I perceived to be a UFO, spinning and hoovering straight above me. Loud and so freaking creepy I got goose bumps on my tummy. No, Brenda did not hear it. And why yes, I asked and no Ma'am, I did not take a look and see.
While on the walk about earlier the wind was so strong and my hearing so poor, I did not hear my keys fall from my waist. Yes, they were lost but then I found them, thank Great Spirit. The intensity of the sound of wind was incredible. So incredibly loud...
...so now and at this moment, I listen to German music. Trying to drown out these noises between my ears and deep in my skull. I conclude this only aggravates the situation. Yet, I must listen to anything other than the silence in our bedroom - I must listen to anything other than these damned noises! By the way, my favorite German groups are Kettcar, Tomate and Hansen Band. Damned good alternative rock.
Guten nacht...Guten Morgan...
Tuesday, August 28, 2012
Pardon, + 2 On The Bed Side Table
Relations,
Pardon me please for having forgotten to mention two titles that were recently placed on my bed side table. Recently purchased too over at Mr. and Mrs. Browns store, the Old Tampa Book Company. Both titles were purchased on same day Nikki took me to an appointment with He-Who-Touched-My-Brain.
...I perspired as I looked through the books in this extraordinary little store. I actually do love this place very much. After the book store we went to Sam and Eddy's New York Pizza. Awesome! Any way's, back to the two books.
One book is titled, "Hitler's Willing Executioners, Ordinary Germans And The Holocaust", written by Mr. Daniel Jonah Goldhagen. This is a subject I have often considered but never followed up on. This book reminds me of some times how I would pick up particular vibes or energies from certain Folk. Not all, not many and not even a minority - a very small number of German Folks I met provided me with much to think about. Most of the population of West Germany back in 1978 were extraordinary and fun loving Folks...
...there were just those few, on the street, at the pub, on base? At the restaurant the park or on the train heading to Frankfurt or Down Town Darmstadt. Interesting how this subject is something I have considered since late adolescence and here I am at fifty two. Long time to carry all of those damned questions. Perhaps with this book I will find some answers.
Book two is, "The Autobiography of Russell Means", "Where White Men Fear To Tread". Mr. Means wrote this book with Mr. Marvin J. Wolf. Born an Oglala/Lakota in 1939 on the Pine Ridge Indian Reservation near the Black Hills. This is the story of Russell Means, the most revolutionary Indian Leader of the late twentieth century. Oh and how do I remember his words and his actions! Soon he will be my teacher.
Both are major reads. I speculate with Fall approaching, there will be time to read with wide open windows. No humidity and no bugs or mosquitoes. I look forward to this change in weather. I yearn for the cooler breeze brushing against my face and cheeks.
Life. Read. Live. Seen.
Pardon me please for having forgotten to mention two titles that were recently placed on my bed side table. Recently purchased too over at Mr. and Mrs. Browns store, the Old Tampa Book Company. Both titles were purchased on same day Nikki took me to an appointment with He-Who-Touched-My-Brain.
...I perspired as I looked through the books in this extraordinary little store. I actually do love this place very much. After the book store we went to Sam and Eddy's New York Pizza. Awesome! Any way's, back to the two books.
One book is titled, "Hitler's Willing Executioners, Ordinary Germans And The Holocaust", written by Mr. Daniel Jonah Goldhagen. This is a subject I have often considered but never followed up on. This book reminds me of some times how I would pick up particular vibes or energies from certain Folk. Not all, not many and not even a minority - a very small number of German Folks I met provided me with much to think about. Most of the population of West Germany back in 1978 were extraordinary and fun loving Folks...
...there were just those few, on the street, at the pub, on base? At the restaurant the park or on the train heading to Frankfurt or Down Town Darmstadt. Interesting how this subject is something I have considered since late adolescence and here I am at fifty two. Long time to carry all of those damned questions. Perhaps with this book I will find some answers.
Book two is, "The Autobiography of Russell Means", "Where White Men Fear To Tread". Mr. Means wrote this book with Mr. Marvin J. Wolf. Born an Oglala/Lakota in 1939 on the Pine Ridge Indian Reservation near the Black Hills. This is the story of Russell Means, the most revolutionary Indian Leader of the late twentieth century. Oh and how do I remember his words and his actions! Soon he will be my teacher.
Both are major reads. I speculate with Fall approaching, there will be time to read with wide open windows. No humidity and no bugs or mosquitoes. I look forward to this change in weather. I yearn for the cooler breeze brushing against my face and cheeks.
Life. Read. Live. Seen.
From A Journal, 21 August 1998
Relations,
I take a read out of the past to share with you, my Guests. The following was an entry into a journal dated 21 August 1998. I hope you enjoy. Please note that I picked this journal and this page randomly. This is something I have contemplated and have decided that I will present an entry from the past every once and again. Not too often, but often enough to gather a general idea of the direction of My Path over the course of even years ago.
As it was written:
21 Aug. 98
Wednesday, I'll meet a cardiac doctor I've been referred to - can't think of his name off the top of my head.
Last Friday, Dr. Sierra, highly recommended I see such a doctor. I've known for years of the heart murmur - Doc hears something different now. A "puff-puff", as he put it, on the right side of my heart. Says the pains I experience are cardiac spasm's.
...first lung spasm's years not too long ago past...
...then back spasm's until just last year.
Most recently the dreaded rectal spasm's...
...now "puff-puff" and cardiac spasm's.
Peace, Mario
P.S. ....................................next?.....................................
I take a read out of the past to share with you, my Guests. The following was an entry into a journal dated 21 August 1998. I hope you enjoy. Please note that I picked this journal and this page randomly. This is something I have contemplated and have decided that I will present an entry from the past every once and again. Not too often, but often enough to gather a general idea of the direction of My Path over the course of even years ago.
As it was written:
21 Aug. 98
Wednesday, I'll meet a cardiac doctor I've been referred to - can't think of his name off the top of my head.
Last Friday, Dr. Sierra, highly recommended I see such a doctor. I've known for years of the heart murmur - Doc hears something different now. A "puff-puff", as he put it, on the right side of my heart. Says the pains I experience are cardiac spasm's.
...first lung spasm's years not too long ago past...
...then back spasm's until just last year.
Most recently the dreaded rectal spasm's...
...now "puff-puff" and cardiac spasm's.
Peace, Mario
P.S. ....................................next?.....................................
Sir Dude In The Morn
I will have a visit by telephone with Sir Dude, my therapist at 0845 come morning. I am quite eager and would really prefer a face to face, but this will get the Sir and I back into a loop of visitation, our Sit Downs, and our Face to Faces at one of my Safe Places here on Earth Mother. His place is very safe. Speaking of Safe Place, I'll be in one of my Safe Places here at the Lodge. meeting with Sir Dude at the other. So too cool.
Today has been a different day for me. Am looking at the separation between a doctor and his patient in a different perspective. I think this is the happiest I've been about the separation actually. Good move, yes. It was a stressful situation with him anyways. Am thinking about further action, am not sure. And no, I don't give a damn about the initials following his name. This was just something that could have been handled so differently. Enough! let him go...
If I were to say that I am not concerned of the relationship between Sir Dude and I - I would be lieing. Bloody hell, I was referred to Sir Dude by Dr. Psych. I want to feel at total ease with this transition. That Sir Dude will break communications with the former and most importantly, wish to know that my Sir Dude, is not going to abandon me.
It really is amazing how this ordeal has stirred up so much and so many abandonment issues. Almost as if a dam burst and am being flooded with memories! I don't want to think about this anymore. I don't want to feel this negative energy anymore and I really do need to wash my right hand because it smells like someone I used to know. Smell memories suck just as bad as this other shit.
Gotta go.
Ciao!
Today has been a different day for me. Am looking at the separation between a doctor and his patient in a different perspective. I think this is the happiest I've been about the separation actually. Good move, yes. It was a stressful situation with him anyways. Am thinking about further action, am not sure. And no, I don't give a damn about the initials following his name. This was just something that could have been handled so differently. Enough! let him go...
If I were to say that I am not concerned of the relationship between Sir Dude and I - I would be lieing. Bloody hell, I was referred to Sir Dude by Dr. Psych. I want to feel at total ease with this transition. That Sir Dude will break communications with the former and most importantly, wish to know that my Sir Dude, is not going to abandon me.
It really is amazing how this ordeal has stirred up so much and so many abandonment issues. Almost as if a dam burst and am being flooded with memories! I don't want to think about this anymore. I don't want to feel this negative energy anymore and I really do need to wash my right hand because it smells like someone I used to know. Smell memories suck just as bad as this other shit.
Gotta go.
Ciao!
Home From Heading Out-The-Door
Am just now in from my adventures over at Turtle Creek. I mean to say that this County Fellow did an absolutely out-standing job! My God! There's a creek back here now! Was able to see fish today, which calms some concerns. These fish were out of reach though, as in the County Fellow added height to this Creek too. I'm not the one you're going to read about in the news paper: "Earlier today, a 52 year old Tampa man was killed when his stupid ass fell down a 12 foot bank along the newly named Turtle Creek". More to come at eleven. Please...
To share with you how I feel about this "new" height - let me share this story real quick like. I was walking North bound along the Western side of Turtle Creek. Looking for my turtle shell. Instead found more giant clam shells and an almost perfect prehistoric conch shell...
...I noticed once I was heading West and on the Southern side of the creek that the keys once attached to my key ring snapped onto my belt loop were lost. As in missing. I am Deaf and Hard of Hearing, with the very windy conditions I never heard them fall. I wanted to take a dung, but didn't. I placed my bag, umbrella, bucket and shells down where I stood and began to back track - looking left to right and back. Walked maybe 50 yards and noticed my house key in tall grass shining in this beautiful hot Florida sun. It's just one of those Schlage keys. Not really the brightest key in the world, but I also have one gator toe, one shrunken skull and an old fashioned house key attached. It's the one to open my closet's...
...anyways, I prayed and thanked Great Spirit for leading me to them. It is said, "When an Indian loses something, he looks and will find what was lost." I used this as my mantra until we found them - and prayed too. Thank you Great Spirit!
Once I gathered myself and back at where I had placed my bag and stuff, I went to pick up the bag when that beautiful specimen of a prehistoric Conch shell tumbled out of my bag and bucket then rolled all the way down 15 or so feet of bank from where I was standing at at the time.
At first frustrated, then it dawned on me that all I could do was say to Great Spirit, "Good Trade". It was, wasn't it? Oh yes, Honey's, it was a damned good trade. Remember, I'm not the one.
To share with you how I feel about this "new" height - let me share this story real quick like. I was walking North bound along the Western side of Turtle Creek. Looking for my turtle shell. Instead found more giant clam shells and an almost perfect prehistoric conch shell...
...I noticed once I was heading West and on the Southern side of the creek that the keys once attached to my key ring snapped onto my belt loop were lost. As in missing. I am Deaf and Hard of Hearing, with the very windy conditions I never heard them fall. I wanted to take a dung, but didn't. I placed my bag, umbrella, bucket and shells down where I stood and began to back track - looking left to right and back. Walked maybe 50 yards and noticed my house key in tall grass shining in this beautiful hot Florida sun. It's just one of those Schlage keys. Not really the brightest key in the world, but I also have one gator toe, one shrunken skull and an old fashioned house key attached. It's the one to open my closet's...
...anyways, I prayed and thanked Great Spirit for leading me to them. It is said, "When an Indian loses something, he looks and will find what was lost." I used this as my mantra until we found them - and prayed too. Thank you Great Spirit!
Once I gathered myself and back at where I had placed my bag and stuff, I went to pick up the bag when that beautiful specimen of a prehistoric Conch shell tumbled out of my bag and bucket then rolled all the way down 15 or so feet of bank from where I was standing at at the time.
At first frustrated, then it dawned on me that all I could do was say to Great Spirit, "Good Trade". It was, wasn't it? Oh yes, Honey's, it was a damned good trade. Remember, I'm not the one.
Nikki's Clothing
I have just placed into boxes, items my Nikki wanted me to donate to the American Cancer Research Center...
...I could smell you on your clothes Nikki. Tallahassee! French Town! The Old Dorm! My Baby.
BTW, I kept that beautiful frilly pink candle! Child please! It's so beautiful! A keeper for sure.
And yes, my dear daughter, everything else has been packaged and will be sent off for donation.
I miss you so much Kiki. It seems as if afar, far and away is so far today. I miss your great big hugs and kisses. I miss your voice. What can I say? Your Daddy loves you babe. So very very much. I guess you can see how long it took me to even touch your bags.
Oh, my daddy heart...
...I am happy and so incredibly proud of you and the Path of Beauty you walk. Your passion for life is extraordinary and the energy you place into what you do is right and good. I am also pleased to have this handsome Knight become a part of your life. My Life. Your happiness is my happiness, my dear daughter.
Always. Seen.
Be well daughter. Take care and be safe. Eat well and enjoy the palate that comes with living in a land afar and far away. Tell the Handsome One that I love him.
I never did get the memo on how to raise or bring up you and your baby sister. There were times when I made decisions that you and she did not appreciate at that moment. But, you know what? I have the knowledge and discernment that Great Spirit was always there with us. My Good God! Off the top of my head, I can't think of any regrets! I love you both so much and I am knowing your Mom loves you also. So very much. I still cry. I'm sure Ma does too.
I hope to think that maybe my ways of teaching and loving my Girls early in life has contributed to the Women I know today. Oh Lord, I pray so. You know I'm a mess!
Love Forever and Ever and then Forever More X 1,000,000,000 times, I Love you. Fahadja aka Paw!
...I could smell you on your clothes Nikki. Tallahassee! French Town! The Old Dorm! My Baby.
BTW, I kept that beautiful frilly pink candle! Child please! It's so beautiful! A keeper for sure.
And yes, my dear daughter, everything else has been packaged and will be sent off for donation.
I miss you so much Kiki. It seems as if afar, far and away is so far today. I miss your great big hugs and kisses. I miss your voice. What can I say? Your Daddy loves you babe. So very very much. I guess you can see how long it took me to even touch your bags.
Oh, my daddy heart...
...I am happy and so incredibly proud of you and the Path of Beauty you walk. Your passion for life is extraordinary and the energy you place into what you do is right and good. I am also pleased to have this handsome Knight become a part of your life. My Life. Your happiness is my happiness, my dear daughter.
Always. Seen.
Be well daughter. Take care and be safe. Eat well and enjoy the palate that comes with living in a land afar and far away. Tell the Handsome One that I love him.
I never did get the memo on how to raise or bring up you and your baby sister. There were times when I made decisions that you and she did not appreciate at that moment. But, you know what? I have the knowledge and discernment that Great Spirit was always there with us. My Good God! Off the top of my head, I can't think of any regrets! I love you both so much and I am knowing your Mom loves you also. So very much. I still cry. I'm sure Ma does too.
I hope to think that maybe my ways of teaching and loving my Girls early in life has contributed to the Women I know today. Oh Lord, I pray so. You know I'm a mess!
Love Forever and Ever and then Forever More X 1,000,000,000 times, I Love you. Fahadja aka Paw!
Heading Out-Of-Doors
It is approaching 1300 with a quickness.
I have ants in my pants like something awful!
Think I'll put my sneakers on and take a walk to the creek. This time the North Creek. This is the one that passes under our main road in and travels North up and over to the Channel. I am eager to see what type of work the County Fellow did up there. As I tip-tap these words in the back of my head I am hoping for some fish for Uncle Chester and Aunt Helen.
I am on hold now with the Hillsborough County. I wish to make compliment to Mike who did the awesome dredging out here on the creek. Think I'll name it now. By the powers vested in me by The Great Spirit, the creek that runs North and South in Town And Country shall be known as, "Turtle Creek". It is written - so let it be done. (HA!) I sure do love this creek though and have only gained a good foothold on it by my desire to "just walk"...
...if not for that, just to walk, I would have never had the up and close look at what Turtle Creek looked like before and after the dredging. What an awesomely splendid difference. Mike, I shall provide you with good and kind words to your supervisors. Thank you Sir, and thanks to Hillsborough County for sending this One Man Crew out to attend to some Mother Earth love out here on the Reserve. It's a bitch when the Folks skip a cycle in keeping the governments grass controlled. That's when we really know what were thought of out here. But wait, not here to speak of the government - here to have a good talk.
An anticipation grows to get out for a walk about. I still wait for assistance. It is 1314. (?)
Oh no, it is 1316 and I just got disconnected by the county associate. She did not know which department I was talking about - then "click". She was gone...
...just like these now 18 minutes. Poof and Gone.
Oh well, I'm heading out of here for sure now. Heading out to Turtle Creek.
I have ants in my pants like something awful!
Think I'll put my sneakers on and take a walk to the creek. This time the North Creek. This is the one that passes under our main road in and travels North up and over to the Channel. I am eager to see what type of work the County Fellow did up there. As I tip-tap these words in the back of my head I am hoping for some fish for Uncle Chester and Aunt Helen.
I am on hold now with the Hillsborough County. I wish to make compliment to Mike who did the awesome dredging out here on the creek. Think I'll name it now. By the powers vested in me by The Great Spirit, the creek that runs North and South in Town And Country shall be known as, "Turtle Creek". It is written - so let it be done. (HA!) I sure do love this creek though and have only gained a good foothold on it by my desire to "just walk"...
...if not for that, just to walk, I would have never had the up and close look at what Turtle Creek looked like before and after the dredging. What an awesomely splendid difference. Mike, I shall provide you with good and kind words to your supervisors. Thank you Sir, and thanks to Hillsborough County for sending this One Man Crew out to attend to some Mother Earth love out here on the Reserve. It's a bitch when the Folks skip a cycle in keeping the governments grass controlled. That's when we really know what were thought of out here. But wait, not here to speak of the government - here to have a good talk.
An anticipation grows to get out for a walk about. I still wait for assistance. It is 1314. (?)
Oh no, it is 1316 and I just got disconnected by the county associate. She did not know which department I was talking about - then "click". She was gone...
...just like these now 18 minutes. Poof and Gone.
Oh well, I'm heading out of here for sure now. Heading out to Turtle Creek.
The Status Of Wound's
Relations,
A brief note to report the status of wound healing and that the wound above my left ear has finally sealed up 100%! Yes, let me breath, it has!
As He-Who-Touched-My-Brain instructed, I continued to place the post surgical medicine and let time take it's course. It may have taken a spell, from June to now August, but interestingly enough, this seems to be my body's mode of operandi with this site of implant and the wound/wounds above my Deaf Left Ear. The ointment worked so well! The scar that remains is epic - all pirate like - and is now hidden with the growth of hair and curls. With Fall on the horizon, I reckon I may let some curls and knotty knots back into my life.
The materials that were building up about the base of the abutment and my implant has also stopped and the passing of fluids has stopped. Even though I would not call this 100% healed yet due to pain and discomfort. I am learning and living to learn how to live with pains that never go away. Along with all of the neuro-nerve related pains, I have a task in hand. I sure could share some stories about these pains that strike with extreme pain, then move on along. Like, BAM! Then there it goes on by. I've learned just how much this comes with the territory...
...when a doctor has to crack open the skull and go creeping up in the head and ear, time and time again, nerves get cut, snipped, tucked, moved about and the what not's.
I know just like all the other sacks of symptoms that accompanies this Meniere's Disease - pain's along for the ride. Just like that too. Pain had bags packed and came on aboard. Oh well, no more boo-hoo's. Tired of crying over this shit. I can't get over them and I can't beat them, so I might as well just join them. Oh, and by the way, no thank you on the Pain Specialist routine. Just no. No Pain Specialist Required! I refuse their services because quite honestly, I am afraid of them. Yes, afraid. For me, it's simple is as simple does. Seen.
Much love and thanks to He-Who-Touched-My-Brain and all of the wonderful staff at Clinic!
Here he comes! Look at them boots!
A brief note to report the status of wound healing and that the wound above my left ear has finally sealed up 100%! Yes, let me breath, it has!
As He-Who-Touched-My-Brain instructed, I continued to place the post surgical medicine and let time take it's course. It may have taken a spell, from June to now August, but interestingly enough, this seems to be my body's mode of operandi with this site of implant and the wound/wounds above my Deaf Left Ear. The ointment worked so well! The scar that remains is epic - all pirate like - and is now hidden with the growth of hair and curls. With Fall on the horizon, I reckon I may let some curls and knotty knots back into my life.
The materials that were building up about the base of the abutment and my implant has also stopped and the passing of fluids has stopped. Even though I would not call this 100% healed yet due to pain and discomfort. I am learning and living to learn how to live with pains that never go away. Along with all of the neuro-nerve related pains, I have a task in hand. I sure could share some stories about these pains that strike with extreme pain, then move on along. Like, BAM! Then there it goes on by. I've learned just how much this comes with the territory...
...when a doctor has to crack open the skull and go creeping up in the head and ear, time and time again, nerves get cut, snipped, tucked, moved about and the what not's.
I know just like all the other sacks of symptoms that accompanies this Meniere's Disease - pain's along for the ride. Just like that too. Pain had bags packed and came on aboard. Oh well, no more boo-hoo's. Tired of crying over this shit. I can't get over them and I can't beat them, so I might as well just join them. Oh, and by the way, no thank you on the Pain Specialist routine. Just no. No Pain Specialist Required! I refuse their services because quite honestly, I am afraid of them. Yes, afraid. For me, it's simple is as simple does. Seen.
Much love and thanks to He-Who-Touched-My-Brain and all of the wonderful staff at Clinic!
Here he comes! Look at them boots!
Monday, August 27, 2012
The Bed Side Table
Relatives,
It has been a while since I last shared what reading material was atop my bed side table. Tonight I share what has been read since last I shared this topic and what's new. There is not an order I follow or chronological order either - this is it. Some good and some one in particular was dreadful.
To get that one out the way and on to the book shelves is a book called "Fighting Indian Warriors", written by E.A Brininstool. This author brought forth the fighting of Indian Warriors by the White Military. The U.S. Army was sent out to slaughter our Native American Women, Children and men. Warrior or otherwise, and this author wanted to share how it was done...
...as it is same process today that many here in the U.S. of A and it's White governing bodies permit Mr. Assad, in Syria to do in war and revolution. The letting of blood shed from the innocent children, Women and Men and to commit Genocide against his own peoples, as it was what was done here in America. It makes me sick to look at this like I am, but if it smells like shit, it's probably shit. Getting back to the book, it's a less than a fair read. Provided by a White author and from White survivor's of folks fighting Indian Warriors.
I have just recently completed a re-reading of "Lame Deer, Seeker Of Visions. The Life Of A Sioux Medicine Man. Written by John (Lame) Deer and Richard Erdoes. This was an awesome re-read. There seemed to have been more of a direct connection between Mr. Lame Deer's lessons and my mind and thoughts. I enjoyed the first time I read this fascinating story and enjoyed it very much again. A must read for sure.
Another book I have just completed is "Weep No More, My Lady", By W.E. Debnam. "A Southerner Answers Mrs. Roosevelt's Report on the 'Poor and Unhappy South'". Yes, it is exactly as one might imagine. The previous owner date printed this issue on 12 August 1951. It was just about that day that I purchased it all of these years later. What a hoot!
I completed Great Chiefs, Volume One by Tony Hollihan. The author wrote about six Chiefs, many of whom I have read about and learned from. Mr. Hollihan, presented yet another White perspective of what occurred during the Wars against the Indians of the West and South Eastern U.S. of A. All in all, a good read really. I enjoyed the way the author dug deeper for information. I look forward to reading his Volume II.
Have read the autobiography of Peter Tosh. For the second time. Awesome, awesome reading...
...and have read, "We Dare You, Scrap Book Challenges About Real Life". Now, that I have completed it - it is necessary that I pass it along. That was the agreement when it was gifted to me by my sister Margarita, so I must make it so. Sort of like one of those passing it forward things. Seen.
The four books before the "We Dare You" book will now be placed on to the shelves with the remainder of my library. I will pass along the "We Dare You" book.
Currently I am reading the School and Office Webster's Dictionary. There remains two daily meditation books on the bed side table and have picked up the Indian Oratory by W.C. Vanderwerth to learn from and complete as I began to ration the reading of this book quite some time ago. I think I let it get caught in the shuffle. Soon it will be completed though. Damned good read...
...I have also decided to read and study The Declaration Of Independence, The Constitution and The Bill Of Rights. It was President Lincoln who said "Study the Constitution". So I am going to. Too much bitterness and betrayal going on between Folks who are to be running this country of ours as a team. Not damned enemies! And there really is some confusing ass dung going on and being said out there too.
This is just about the damned best reality television we've had since the Olympics! Hot Dog!
P. S. I am neither Republican or Democrat - I am an American and I want my Country back!
It has been a while since I last shared what reading material was atop my bed side table. Tonight I share what has been read since last I shared this topic and what's new. There is not an order I follow or chronological order either - this is it. Some good and some one in particular was dreadful.
To get that one out the way and on to the book shelves is a book called "Fighting Indian Warriors", written by E.A Brininstool. This author brought forth the fighting of Indian Warriors by the White Military. The U.S. Army was sent out to slaughter our Native American Women, Children and men. Warrior or otherwise, and this author wanted to share how it was done...
...as it is same process today that many here in the U.S. of A and it's White governing bodies permit Mr. Assad, in Syria to do in war and revolution. The letting of blood shed from the innocent children, Women and Men and to commit Genocide against his own peoples, as it was what was done here in America. It makes me sick to look at this like I am, but if it smells like shit, it's probably shit. Getting back to the book, it's a less than a fair read. Provided by a White author and from White survivor's of folks fighting Indian Warriors.
I have just recently completed a re-reading of "Lame Deer, Seeker Of Visions. The Life Of A Sioux Medicine Man. Written by John (Lame) Deer and Richard Erdoes. This was an awesome re-read. There seemed to have been more of a direct connection between Mr. Lame Deer's lessons and my mind and thoughts. I enjoyed the first time I read this fascinating story and enjoyed it very much again. A must read for sure.
Another book I have just completed is "Weep No More, My Lady", By W.E. Debnam. "A Southerner Answers Mrs. Roosevelt's Report on the 'Poor and Unhappy South'". Yes, it is exactly as one might imagine. The previous owner date printed this issue on 12 August 1951. It was just about that day that I purchased it all of these years later. What a hoot!
I completed Great Chiefs, Volume One by Tony Hollihan. The author wrote about six Chiefs, many of whom I have read about and learned from. Mr. Hollihan, presented yet another White perspective of what occurred during the Wars against the Indians of the West and South Eastern U.S. of A. All in all, a good read really. I enjoyed the way the author dug deeper for information. I look forward to reading his Volume II.
Have read the autobiography of Peter Tosh. For the second time. Awesome, awesome reading...
...and have read, "We Dare You, Scrap Book Challenges About Real Life". Now, that I have completed it - it is necessary that I pass it along. That was the agreement when it was gifted to me by my sister Margarita, so I must make it so. Sort of like one of those passing it forward things. Seen.
The four books before the "We Dare You" book will now be placed on to the shelves with the remainder of my library. I will pass along the "We Dare You" book.
Currently I am reading the School and Office Webster's Dictionary. There remains two daily meditation books on the bed side table and have picked up the Indian Oratory by W.C. Vanderwerth to learn from and complete as I began to ration the reading of this book quite some time ago. I think I let it get caught in the shuffle. Soon it will be completed though. Damned good read...
...I have also decided to read and study The Declaration Of Independence, The Constitution and The Bill Of Rights. It was President Lincoln who said "Study the Constitution". So I am going to. Too much bitterness and betrayal going on between Folks who are to be running this country of ours as a team. Not damned enemies! And there really is some confusing ass dung going on and being said out there too.
This is just about the damned best reality television we've had since the Olympics! Hot Dog!
P. S. I am neither Republican or Democrat - I am an American and I want my Country back!
Tropical Storm Issac, Me, The Creek, Rain & I
Relations,
I am not quite sure what to say at the moment so I'll begin with what's in my skull. Rocking on my rocking chair on the back porch of my mind and Spirit's. I have just returned from a trip to the creek where I was hoping to retrieve this extraordinary turtle shell I saw on the other side a few days ago. Maybe a few fish for Aunt Helen and Uncle Chester, our God-Blessed-Us-With- Turtles .A County fellow was out here dredging and making opening larger for water to pass through and out into the Channel behind the Lodge fifty yards or so. Here next to the preserve.
We are getting the outer bands and feeder bands from the Tropical Storm Issac. Much wind and rains that come and goes. Sometimes heavy - some times not. The sanctuary is water logged and swamp-ish. Now, that it pops to mind, I got caught in the rains coming home from the creek. Also saw what was approaching from the East. There's only so "this fast" that a person with six legs can go. So, I walked that fast. No shame here, Ma'am. No, Sir too.
While at the creek I noticed there were no fish. This troubles me very much and speaking of which, I will make a call in the morrow. I did see an amazing turtle though and once it saw me, it dug a hole under the sand and water. Crazy! Did find the largest clam shell I have ever seen in my life. It's intact too. Fossil like. Even today, I was blessed by the crossing of Paths with Turtle medicine. So nice and what Honor. I also crossed Paths with these two apple sized snail shells that had been removed from where they lived.
Yes, there may have been some sadness mixed in with this dredging of our creek. I'll have to visit this other side of the creek to see how it looks going out to the Channel. The County Fellow did an excellent job. Absolutely fantastic job! Where a feeble creek once crept along tires and empty bottles - there is now a creek with Florida sea sand as it's bed. Yes, I am happy! Very happy.
Hope soon the fish come back. It's possible with all of this wind and rains, the little fellers couldn't fight the current. I'll make a follow up call any way. True? True.
Got an alert on my telephone about a tornado warning. Do not travel - do not go out of doors my telephone reads. Ding-ding-ding, wrong answer to share with this to one like me.
I am heading into the Cement Pond for a spell, you see. Keep an eye open too! LOL! Peace, Ya'll!
I am not quite sure what to say at the moment so I'll begin with what's in my skull. Rocking on my rocking chair on the back porch of my mind and Spirit's. I have just returned from a trip to the creek where I was hoping to retrieve this extraordinary turtle shell I saw on the other side a few days ago. Maybe a few fish for Aunt Helen and Uncle Chester, our God-Blessed-Us-With- Turtles .A County fellow was out here dredging and making opening larger for water to pass through and out into the Channel behind the Lodge fifty yards or so. Here next to the preserve.
We are getting the outer bands and feeder bands from the Tropical Storm Issac. Much wind and rains that come and goes. Sometimes heavy - some times not. The sanctuary is water logged and swamp-ish. Now, that it pops to mind, I got caught in the rains coming home from the creek. Also saw what was approaching from the East. There's only so "this fast" that a person with six legs can go. So, I walked that fast. No shame here, Ma'am. No, Sir too.
While at the creek I noticed there were no fish. This troubles me very much and speaking of which, I will make a call in the morrow. I did see an amazing turtle though and once it saw me, it dug a hole under the sand and water. Crazy! Did find the largest clam shell I have ever seen in my life. It's intact too. Fossil like. Even today, I was blessed by the crossing of Paths with Turtle medicine. So nice and what Honor. I also crossed Paths with these two apple sized snail shells that had been removed from where they lived.
Yes, there may have been some sadness mixed in with this dredging of our creek. I'll have to visit this other side of the creek to see how it looks going out to the Channel. The County Fellow did an excellent job. Absolutely fantastic job! Where a feeble creek once crept along tires and empty bottles - there is now a creek with Florida sea sand as it's bed. Yes, I am happy! Very happy.
Hope soon the fish come back. It's possible with all of this wind and rains, the little fellers couldn't fight the current. I'll make a follow up call any way. True? True.
Got an alert on my telephone about a tornado warning. Do not travel - do not go out of doors my telephone reads. Ding-ding-ding, wrong answer to share with this to one like me.
I am heading into the Cement Pond for a spell, you see. Keep an eye open too! LOL! Peace, Ya'll!
Abandoned Not Terminated
Kindred,
Good Morning.
I send out this communique this morning to report that I have been abandoned by one in my circle of the "Better Health Care Team". It was on Friday, 24 August 2012 that I received a letter informing me of such from this member that will - as always remain anonymous.
The last face to face with this once trusted individual was 01 May 2012. It was what I would've considered a pleasant gathering. It was during this, his face to my face, that I had followed up on my plans to continue to work with Sir Dude, as my therapist and to begin utilizing my primary physician for medications. I shared and had informed he, that I knew where he was located and that I would continue to see him on an "as needed basis". We laughed, talked face to face and shuck hands as I left.
On 02 May 2012, I blogged about this face to face and my plan. This plan that "we" - "he and I" had discussed previously. I have no regrets. I handled this relationship as one would handle any sort of business. I employed this one who betrayed me, he did not employ me. I was not forced to see him. He was not appointed to me. I had chosen and decided that he would be under my employ and to become a part of my Better Health Care Team. "For as long as I thought necessary". As far as I was concerned, there was not to be a termination of his services, but rather some time separating time and visits. Again, this once trusted individual was aware that if I needed his services, I knew where to get ahold of him and or when to reach out.
This person knows of my blog. I reckon he didn't recognize I kept notes of every appointment I have with anybody with letters following their names. Especially them under my employ. The all about the Meniere's Disease mixed with a heaping of Life and Things and All. All of which is my business. My body, my heart, my mind and Spirit's are my business. My wife, daughters, nephews and neices, sisters and brother are my business. I hold on tightly. I am simple. I do not have all of this education these Folks with letters after their name's. I employ. I listen, learn and follow the instructions. I have a passion for a better way of life and living.
The letter dated 21 August, 2012, reads, "This letter is to inform you that I believe it necessary to terminate our professional relationship due to your failure to maintain appointments as directed". With the exception of mt last schedukled visit which was scheduled on that 21 August 2012. I missed this "one" due to post Meniere's Attack symptoms, sleep and issues and it was day before my daughters departure to the Middle East. If and when any other occurrence came up that I missed an appointment, I was either in hospital with pneumonia or Meniere's Disease related issues. There may have been issues with making an appointment once or twice due to transport related issues, but that had been cured by a change in date and transport. OR a SESSION-By-TELEPHONE. I kept my appointments with this person. These gatherings were important and urgent to me. I trusted this person and considered him a member of my Team.
"Terminate", my foot - you have abandoned a patient.
Besides the inaccurate record keeping pertaining to my "attendance", this person made another error with the placing of a diagnosis upon me and my name. Never EVER, did he provide me a diagnosis. This Two-Faced-One, could have placed anything on anything at anytime. Never once was I provided a diagnosis. I went to see him out of trust - an almost blind trust. Now, I doubt. Now I don't.
He states, "I have been serving as your psychiatrist since February 8, 2010 and had been treating you (as it is spelled) Major Depression Disorder, Recurrent, Moderate with a program management Paxil and Risperdal, most recently". Unfortunately, there is another inaccurate/incorrect notation here, as I have not been prescribed the medication Risperdal. I have record of every prescription written by this person dating back to 11 September 2011. My pharmacy beyond that. If it was ever ordered - it was WE who decided to discontinue.
The letter goes on to provide me with unnecessary mumble-jumble psycho/emo verbiage.
I speculate this person did not realize the high esteem, respect, trust or appreciation I had for him.
If she felt it necessary to one up me by "terminating" our relationship rather than what we spoke about - my simply yearning to place time and distance between my evolving recovery, progress and process and my psychiatrist. It's her conscience - not mine. Now, I think maybe this is a good thing in itself. I worked hard for this...
...and yes, my dearest Kin, I do believe that is another error on his behalf. This elementary adolescent termination bull shit that he provided me is so childish. I mean, literally elementary.
Be side's, all of the above, her extra-ordinarily expensive 10 Minute sessions were becoming burdensome. Very.
I speculate there is a bit of injustice with these quoted typed word's right there. Them written by the professional. This Mixed Breed right here has become another statistic. Another injustice perpetuated by a White One against I and myself. Another abandonment.
I permitted myself to cry and be angry and to worry even over this damned drama brought on by the once trusted one. I had thought about calling the office and to speak and call a "time out", but then I thought again. Doctor is off on holidays. Which is good because now I think it best.
Now I see what type of person was under my employ. Now I see. Seen.
Please Note: The professional is Ineligible for re-hire.
Kindly,
Go Fuck Off
P.S. It's just that I've never gotten over those abandonment issues. Damn it, you did not terminate a fucking patient - you abandoned your patient!
Good Morning.
I send out this communique this morning to report that I have been abandoned by one in my circle of the "Better Health Care Team". It was on Friday, 24 August 2012 that I received a letter informing me of such from this member that will - as always remain anonymous.
The last face to face with this once trusted individual was 01 May 2012. It was what I would've considered a pleasant gathering. It was during this, his face to my face, that I had followed up on my plans to continue to work with Sir Dude, as my therapist and to begin utilizing my primary physician for medications. I shared and had informed he, that I knew where he was located and that I would continue to see him on an "as needed basis". We laughed, talked face to face and shuck hands as I left.
On 02 May 2012, I blogged about this face to face and my plan. This plan that "we" - "he and I" had discussed previously. I have no regrets. I handled this relationship as one would handle any sort of business. I employed this one who betrayed me, he did not employ me. I was not forced to see him. He was not appointed to me. I had chosen and decided that he would be under my employ and to become a part of my Better Health Care Team. "For as long as I thought necessary". As far as I was concerned, there was not to be a termination of his services, but rather some time separating time and visits. Again, this once trusted individual was aware that if I needed his services, I knew where to get ahold of him and or when to reach out.
This person knows of my blog. I reckon he didn't recognize I kept notes of every appointment I have with anybody with letters following their names. Especially them under my employ. The all about the Meniere's Disease mixed with a heaping of Life and Things and All. All of which is my business. My body, my heart, my mind and Spirit's are my business. My wife, daughters, nephews and neices, sisters and brother are my business. I hold on tightly. I am simple. I do not have all of this education these Folks with letters after their name's. I employ. I listen, learn and follow the instructions. I have a passion for a better way of life and living.
The letter dated 21 August, 2012, reads, "This letter is to inform you that I believe it necessary to terminate our professional relationship due to your failure to maintain appointments as directed". With the exception of mt last schedukled visit which was scheduled on that 21 August 2012. I missed this "one" due to post Meniere's Attack symptoms, sleep and issues and it was day before my daughters departure to the Middle East. If and when any other occurrence came up that I missed an appointment, I was either in hospital with pneumonia or Meniere's Disease related issues. There may have been issues with making an appointment once or twice due to transport related issues, but that had been cured by a change in date and transport. OR a SESSION-By-TELEPHONE. I kept my appointments with this person. These gatherings were important and urgent to me. I trusted this person and considered him a member of my Team.
"Terminate", my foot - you have abandoned a patient.
Besides the inaccurate record keeping pertaining to my "attendance", this person made another error with the placing of a diagnosis upon me and my name. Never EVER, did he provide me a diagnosis. This Two-Faced-One, could have placed anything on anything at anytime. Never once was I provided a diagnosis. I went to see him out of trust - an almost blind trust. Now, I doubt. Now I don't.
He states, "I have been serving as your psychiatrist since February 8, 2010 and had been treating you (as it is spelled) Major Depression Disorder, Recurrent, Moderate with a program management Paxil and Risperdal, most recently". Unfortunately, there is another inaccurate/incorrect notation here, as I have not been prescribed the medication Risperdal. I have record of every prescription written by this person dating back to 11 September 2011. My pharmacy beyond that. If it was ever ordered - it was WE who decided to discontinue.
The letter goes on to provide me with unnecessary mumble-jumble psycho/emo verbiage.
I speculate this person did not realize the high esteem, respect, trust or appreciation I had for him.
If she felt it necessary to one up me by "terminating" our relationship rather than what we spoke about - my simply yearning to place time and distance between my evolving recovery, progress and process and my psychiatrist. It's her conscience - not mine. Now, I think maybe this is a good thing in itself. I worked hard for this...
...and yes, my dearest Kin, I do believe that is another error on his behalf. This elementary adolescent termination bull shit that he provided me is so childish. I mean, literally elementary.
Be side's, all of the above, her extra-ordinarily expensive 10 Minute sessions were becoming burdensome. Very.
I speculate there is a bit of injustice with these quoted typed word's right there. Them written by the professional. This Mixed Breed right here has become another statistic. Another injustice perpetuated by a White One against I and myself. Another abandonment.
I permitted myself to cry and be angry and to worry even over this damned drama brought on by the once trusted one. I had thought about calling the office and to speak and call a "time out", but then I thought again. Doctor is off on holidays. Which is good because now I think it best.
Now I see what type of person was under my employ. Now I see. Seen.
Please Note: The professional is Ineligible for re-hire.
Kindly,
Go Fuck Off
P.S. It's just that I've never gotten over those abandonment issues. Damn it, you did not terminate a fucking patient - you abandoned your patient!
Friday, August 24, 2012
Connected
Kindred,
While on the way back home from a walk about, Sir Dude returned my call late morning for a scheduled gathering as soon as possible. I'm not ashamed to say that this face to face is urgent. No, not quite an emergency, but an urgency indeed. Sir Dude, was going to lunch and would call me back with my calender in hand. I grew concerned of a break in communications, so I called my therapist around 1400...
...AND! Sir Dude, answered the telephone call! My God, this is Legendary care right here! We have penciled in a "Meeting-By-Telephone" for 29 August, in the morning time. When someone cancels out on a meeting Sir Dude, will call me for a coordinated effort in getting me in for this face-to-face. It just blows my mind when Sir Dude answers the telephone! I mean, I don't know if I have ever had more than one other therapist that would answer my calls. I love her today. With all my heart - that's why I am no longer a client/patient. I am a friend. She is a very dear friend and Stewie, how I could listen to your voice right now! I am indebted to Sir Dude and Stewie. It has been with these two therapist I have done and created my best success stories...
...and other than these two fellow Earth Mates, I have never had a therapist answer my ring. No.
The brief time we were on the same line - simply hearing his voice assisted me in disengaging. I needed to disengage. In a really bad way, I needed to ground myself. Am not balanced, but am in a different place than before our connection. Blessed.
Between connecting with Sir Dude, I began to garden at what I call my "Central Park". Oh, these damned weeds! It is time for getting on padded knees and yank and pull some of these bastards out of my gardens. They've made themselves right at home too? I have begun the process today. My poor dear trees, shrubs and flowers...
...think it will do me well to listen to the birds as they eat and visit the sanctuary. I have heard but not seen the peacock. Let me get out and go touch Earth Mother. Scratch Her back. I feel badly for letting all be without attention. It shows too. Time to go love of our neighbour birds and Earth Mother too.
Sir, please know I am honored by the respect you shared and how it is you hold true to me and the issues I carry in my Spirit's...
...my minds.
I am thankful to have you as my therapist and am grateful for your integrity and the trust that has been built over the course of time. This foundation we have established will aid and assist me while dealing with and working on all of these fucking going's on. My God.
Sir Dude, thank you for our connection. Thank you for our being connected.
Yes, Blessed.
While on the way back home from a walk about, Sir Dude returned my call late morning for a scheduled gathering as soon as possible. I'm not ashamed to say that this face to face is urgent. No, not quite an emergency, but an urgency indeed. Sir Dude, was going to lunch and would call me back with my calender in hand. I grew concerned of a break in communications, so I called my therapist around 1400...
...AND! Sir Dude, answered the telephone call! My God, this is Legendary care right here! We have penciled in a "Meeting-By-Telephone" for 29 August, in the morning time. When someone cancels out on a meeting Sir Dude, will call me for a coordinated effort in getting me in for this face-to-face. It just blows my mind when Sir Dude answers the telephone! I mean, I don't know if I have ever had more than one other therapist that would answer my calls. I love her today. With all my heart - that's why I am no longer a client/patient. I am a friend. She is a very dear friend and Stewie, how I could listen to your voice right now! I am indebted to Sir Dude and Stewie. It has been with these two therapist I have done and created my best success stories...
...and other than these two fellow Earth Mates, I have never had a therapist answer my ring. No.
The brief time we were on the same line - simply hearing his voice assisted me in disengaging. I needed to disengage. In a really bad way, I needed to ground myself. Am not balanced, but am in a different place than before our connection. Blessed.
Between connecting with Sir Dude, I began to garden at what I call my "Central Park". Oh, these damned weeds! It is time for getting on padded knees and yank and pull some of these bastards out of my gardens. They've made themselves right at home too? I have begun the process today. My poor dear trees, shrubs and flowers...
...think it will do me well to listen to the birds as they eat and visit the sanctuary. I have heard but not seen the peacock. Let me get out and go touch Earth Mother. Scratch Her back. I feel badly for letting all be without attention. It shows too. Time to go love of our neighbour birds and Earth Mother too.
Sir, please know I am honored by the respect you shared and how it is you hold true to me and the issues I carry in my Spirit's...
...my minds.
I am thankful to have you as my therapist and am grateful for your integrity and the trust that has been built over the course of time. This foundation we have established will aid and assist me while dealing with and working on all of these fucking going's on. My God.
Sir Dude, thank you for our connection. Thank you for our being connected.
Yes, Blessed.
Walk
Think I'm in the mood to walk out of doors for a bit. Change into my walking shorts and sneakers, then walk up to the creek to fetch a couple or few small fish for our Turtles gifted to us by God. Aunt Helen and Uncle Chester. My turtle cousins are still small, but they have really grown to be so much bigger, bold, healthy and happy. Aunt Helen's turtle neck stretches out several inches - especially when she's anticipating meal time. Brenda has truly trained her to eat from her hand. Right. Meal time has become twice daily and both are fed fortified turtle food pellets. When able I feed them small fish, small frogs and or tadpoles. We have fed them these tiny red dead worms that surly must be a delicacy. Aunt Helen loses her freaking turtle mind once she realizes there's company and food in her habitat. Uncle Chester, likes to become friends, lets his neighbour die and then he'll eat up his guests. I have grown quite attached to both. As have several of the young Kinfolk and Kindred who think that it's so way cool to have God gift us these two beautiful turtles. I agree whole heartedly.
A walk would be a right good healthy thing to do this morning. Get out of these lonely rooms and silence. I have tried so hard to keep from the silence. Walking will get me out into the fresh air, the sounds and songs of my Feathered cousins. An occasional call of the Peacocks who live out here with us is easy to detect Oh, how I would love to cross paths with one today.
When I walk, I smile. I also make eye contact and nod or tip my head and or hat once acknowledged. Maybe have a word or two with the Older Cuban Sir, selling fresh Latin fruits and vegetables. Up and around a few blocks and to the South West entrance to the communities - there's another Older Cuban Sir, with a nice produce stand set up. I visit and we connect in an odd way and spot due to the break in communications. Doesn't matter - we work it
I smile when I walk because I feel at ease with a smile on my face. And I love bringing a smile to the faces of others. No matter who they are or where they come from. Good medicine for all. Seen.
Walking would be good for my lungs and heart too. And good-goodness, I must do something with these skinny ass legs attached to these birthing hips. Please.
When I take a walk, it is as if I am escaping from exile, even if but for an hour or so. Gotta go.
A walk would be a right good healthy thing to do this morning. Get out of these lonely rooms and silence. I have tried so hard to keep from the silence. Walking will get me out into the fresh air, the sounds and songs of my Feathered cousins. An occasional call of the Peacocks who live out here with us is easy to detect Oh, how I would love to cross paths with one today.
When I walk, I smile. I also make eye contact and nod or tip my head and or hat once acknowledged. Maybe have a word or two with the Older Cuban Sir, selling fresh Latin fruits and vegetables. Up and around a few blocks and to the South West entrance to the communities - there's another Older Cuban Sir, with a nice produce stand set up. I visit and we connect in an odd way and spot due to the break in communications. Doesn't matter - we work it
I smile when I walk because I feel at ease with a smile on my face. And I love bringing a smile to the faces of others. No matter who they are or where they come from. Good medicine for all. Seen.
Walking would be good for my lungs and heart too. And good-goodness, I must do something with these skinny ass legs attached to these birthing hips. Please.
When I take a walk, it is as if I am escaping from exile, even if but for an hour or so. Gotta go.
I've Seen This Face Before
Relations,
Welcome and please do pardon my peculiar hour of tip-tapping. I am unable to rest because of the sounds and noises I have cranking it up, up in here! My God, the most obnoxious beep's, yes loud and long beeeeep's! These are followed sometimes by a series of beepity-beep-beeps. This noise is going on within my right ear...
...at this very precise damned moment, I listen in my Deaf left ear to the sound of a roaming satellite circling the globe. I hear it as it approaches, this sound becomes louder - as if the satellite approaches near by and then the easing on of the satellite as it clears and circles Earth Mother. Over and over, and time after time again, the sound of this satellite comes and goes, X2 days now. I failed to mention this one particular revisit of sound to doctor. Should it continue, I'll e-note him about it. It is in fact intriguing, but I am so over it.
I had productive nausea late last night. (The night of 23 August) It was near projectile vomit, but not quite with the full force of The A Type projectile vomit. This nausea attack was a strong one and I was fortunate enough to make it to the commode. What a freaking mess that would have been! Read me on this please. I spoke earlier of Anorexia and Bulimia. These are truths of having survived through the years of both disorders...
...it is a battle after battle situation in one's Path. An all out War, the more I remember. I remember those and remember the days, months and years too damned well. Yes, I remember.
I know in my gut that what is happening with My Path and along My Path for many years is the association of vomiting with Eating Disorders. It's as if my brain's puzzle was created like this. Perhaps to a few Kindred this sounds absurd. To my ears and mind and am sure same goes for many "Other One's" out there - that what I am dealing with would make sense. Seen.
As I have lost this weight my body has changed very much. Earlier today, I enjoyed wearing a pair of old faded Wrangler jeans with a white T-shirt and white long sleeve shirt tucked in and sporting an awesome black belt with a fantastic Levi's buckle. (Yeah, I know) My lid was a Stetson Cowboy hat and I had my usual red bandanna-about-my-neck, the brilliant Power Point Crystal, Navajo Ghost beads and a strand of stones and crystals. I believed strongly that I looked sharp and received many comments and compliments on the weight loss. One of my Friend Gurl's today, informed me that I may have lost chunks from both halves of my ass. Well, I reckon I'll place focus on improving cushion down back there. You see my friend, I am perplexed by the crossing of My Path with certain memories "all" over again. On top of and while facing the Meniere's steadfastly and on purpose. I mean, what kind of shit is this? A complete circle in my life and on My Path? I really, really don't know. All I do know is that every damned time I vomit due to the symptoms of Meniere's Disease - the thoughts and memories are here with me of those eating disorders - with my face over the commode.
I've seen this face before.
Please, don't judge.
Welcome and please do pardon my peculiar hour of tip-tapping. I am unable to rest because of the sounds and noises I have cranking it up, up in here! My God, the most obnoxious beep's, yes loud and long beeeeep's! These are followed sometimes by a series of beepity-beep-beeps. This noise is going on within my right ear...
...at this very precise damned moment, I listen in my Deaf left ear to the sound of a roaming satellite circling the globe. I hear it as it approaches, this sound becomes louder - as if the satellite approaches near by and then the easing on of the satellite as it clears and circles Earth Mother. Over and over, and time after time again, the sound of this satellite comes and goes, X2 days now. I failed to mention this one particular revisit of sound to doctor. Should it continue, I'll e-note him about it. It is in fact intriguing, but I am so over it.
I had productive nausea late last night. (The night of 23 August) It was near projectile vomit, but not quite with the full force of The A Type projectile vomit. This nausea attack was a strong one and I was fortunate enough to make it to the commode. What a freaking mess that would have been! Read me on this please. I spoke earlier of Anorexia and Bulimia. These are truths of having survived through the years of both disorders...
...it is a battle after battle situation in one's Path. An all out War, the more I remember. I remember those and remember the days, months and years too damned well. Yes, I remember.
I know in my gut that what is happening with My Path and along My Path for many years is the association of vomiting with Eating Disorders. It's as if my brain's puzzle was created like this. Perhaps to a few Kindred this sounds absurd. To my ears and mind and am sure same goes for many "Other One's" out there - that what I am dealing with would make sense. Seen.
As I have lost this weight my body has changed very much. Earlier today, I enjoyed wearing a pair of old faded Wrangler jeans with a white T-shirt and white long sleeve shirt tucked in and sporting an awesome black belt with a fantastic Levi's buckle. (Yeah, I know) My lid was a Stetson Cowboy hat and I had my usual red bandanna-about-my-neck, the brilliant Power Point Crystal, Navajo Ghost beads and a strand of stones and crystals. I believed strongly that I looked sharp and received many comments and compliments on the weight loss. One of my Friend Gurl's today, informed me that I may have lost chunks from both halves of my ass. Well, I reckon I'll place focus on improving cushion down back there. You see my friend, I am perplexed by the crossing of My Path with certain memories "all" over again. On top of and while facing the Meniere's steadfastly and on purpose. I mean, what kind of shit is this? A complete circle in my life and on My Path? I really, really don't know. All I do know is that every damned time I vomit due to the symptoms of Meniere's Disease - the thoughts and memories are here with me of those eating disorders - with my face over the commode.
I've seen this face before.
Please, don't judge.
Thursday, August 23, 2012
If I May, Please
Relations,
If I may, may I please share with Kindred reading these words that the nausea, gagging, sweating and vomiting...
...I'm afraid, is criss-crossing between the Meniere's Disease and the Anorexia and Bulimia.
I don't know where one leaves off and the other's kick into place anymore. I'm having to throw my arms up and am truly having to let go and let Great Spirit, take control of this. Please.
See, this is going on between my ears - between these two brains of mine. Within the folds and crevices of this brain to be donated to the University Of Miami, there's shit and gas hitting the fan from every direction.
I don't want these memories! I don't want these flash backs! These smell memories! No! No! No!
Please, just no.
If I may, may I please share with Kindred reading these words that the nausea, gagging, sweating and vomiting...
...I'm afraid, is criss-crossing between the Meniere's Disease and the Anorexia and Bulimia.
I don't know where one leaves off and the other's kick into place anymore. I'm having to throw my arms up and am truly having to let go and let Great Spirit, take control of this. Please.
See, this is going on between my ears - between these two brains of mine. Within the folds and crevices of this brain to be donated to the University Of Miami, there's shit and gas hitting the fan from every direction.
I don't want these memories! I don't want these flash backs! These smell memories! No! No! No!
Please, just no.
My Daughter's Safe Trip Back To The Land Far and Far Away
Relatives,
A brief albeit important note to let one and all know that my Eldest Daughter has arrived to her destination to a land far and far away...
...she has been reunited with her Knight and my Heart and Spirit's are happy for both of them. My baby and the One who I speculate is my future Son-In-Law, are near and with one another.
The one time this fine young gentleman looked in my eyes and while sitting next to my daughter, exclaimed he would die for her. I felt and knew then that this is a good and right thing.
They are Blessed. Thus, I am Blessed. My family is Blessed.
Great Spirit, keep and provide them with much good health, protection, safety and love. Always.
Always, with love and respect,
Dad
A brief albeit important note to let one and all know that my Eldest Daughter has arrived to her destination to a land far and far away...
...she has been reunited with her Knight and my Heart and Spirit's are happy for both of them. My baby and the One who I speculate is my future Son-In-Law, are near and with one another.
The one time this fine young gentleman looked in my eyes and while sitting next to my daughter, exclaimed he would die for her. I felt and knew then that this is a good and right thing.
They are Blessed. Thus, I am Blessed. My family is Blessed.
Great Spirit, keep and provide them with much good health, protection, safety and love. Always.
Always, with love and respect,
Dad
A Doctor Appointment, Today's Face-To-Face With He-Who-Touched-My-Brain
Relations,
Good Evening.
I report my self evaluation from my visit with He-Who-Touched-My-Brain, this afternoon. I am satisfied with the care and treatment received today, but am disappointed and unhappy with the words that were spoken by He-Who-Touched-My-Brain. My Audiologist, Dr. B 2, ran a series of hearing tests that came back as I had expected - just did not want this to be so. Really. From such reports, data was gathered that reflected moderate hearing loss and a major loss in word recognition. Doctor, informs me I am losing hearing in my right ear...
...I've heard this quietly coming this way for a spell.
I cried in clinic. I listened to Doctor and will continue to follow his direction. Besides the tests, the symptoms are indicators as well. For right now there's nothing to do but keep on keeping on. He-Who-Touched-My-Brain, made it perfectly clear that I would not go deaf. Sometime in next five years or so we will talk about a Cochlear Implant. Similar to my BAHA, Bone Anchored Hearing Aid - but, a different type of implant.
Dr. B 2, offered a bit of comic relief by placing an experimental hearing instrument into my Left Deaf Ear. We laughed! I know I did too! All of our Audiologist are awesome at Doc.'s Clinic.
The increase and frequency of Vertigo Attacks is because of the Meniere's Disease. The loss of word recognition and loss of hearing is Menier's related. The pops and beepity-beeps in both ear's are Meniere's related. The muffling and silence in right ear is the Meniere's Disease. My right ear having to wake is same-same. As this always has been, the dizziness, sounds, noises and nausea's all Meniere's related.
The vomiting of my meal tonight too is Meniere's related...
...these sweats, pains, discomforts and aches are all Meniere's related. For now, I continue to decline injections from a Pain Doctor. I am uneasy with this whole process of seeing another doctor for more doctor visits and more medications. Please, please understand Doctor. Besides, as I shared with you, if this is from neurological nerve damage and healing - I might as well get accustomed to them. True? True.
And for now, there just isn't anything to do about this HH, Hard of Hearing process. I will gradually lose hearing as the Meniere's dictates...
...I've listened to this quietly coming for quite some spell now.
As far as the wound, a new hole broke through snap-dab in the middle of my healed scar. Doc., says it's normal and that I am to continue putting the medical ointment on to the area. He-Who-Touched-My-Brain, remains very happy with the out come of surgery from June. Me too, for the most part. I just want this healed already.
There is so too much going on in my Spirit's. This is the time for a Face-To-Face with my Sir Dude! I miss my safe place in his office. I miss our connection and I know I require the sound of his voice as soon as possible.
For now, I'll be keeping on, with the keeping on. Seen.
Good Evening.
I report my self evaluation from my visit with He-Who-Touched-My-Brain, this afternoon. I am satisfied with the care and treatment received today, but am disappointed and unhappy with the words that were spoken by He-Who-Touched-My-Brain. My Audiologist, Dr. B 2, ran a series of hearing tests that came back as I had expected - just did not want this to be so. Really. From such reports, data was gathered that reflected moderate hearing loss and a major loss in word recognition. Doctor, informs me I am losing hearing in my right ear...
...I've heard this quietly coming this way for a spell.
I cried in clinic. I listened to Doctor and will continue to follow his direction. Besides the tests, the symptoms are indicators as well. For right now there's nothing to do but keep on keeping on. He-Who-Touched-My-Brain, made it perfectly clear that I would not go deaf. Sometime in next five years or so we will talk about a Cochlear Implant. Similar to my BAHA, Bone Anchored Hearing Aid - but, a different type of implant.
Dr. B 2, offered a bit of comic relief by placing an experimental hearing instrument into my Left Deaf Ear. We laughed! I know I did too! All of our Audiologist are awesome at Doc.'s Clinic.
The increase and frequency of Vertigo Attacks is because of the Meniere's Disease. The loss of word recognition and loss of hearing is Menier's related. The pops and beepity-beeps in both ear's are Meniere's related. The muffling and silence in right ear is the Meniere's Disease. My right ear having to wake is same-same. As this always has been, the dizziness, sounds, noises and nausea's all Meniere's related.
The vomiting of my meal tonight too is Meniere's related...
...these sweats, pains, discomforts and aches are all Meniere's related. For now, I continue to decline injections from a Pain Doctor. I am uneasy with this whole process of seeing another doctor for more doctor visits and more medications. Please, please understand Doctor. Besides, as I shared with you, if this is from neurological nerve damage and healing - I might as well get accustomed to them. True? True.
And for now, there just isn't anything to do about this HH, Hard of Hearing process. I will gradually lose hearing as the Meniere's dictates...
...I've listened to this quietly coming for quite some spell now.
As far as the wound, a new hole broke through snap-dab in the middle of my healed scar. Doc., says it's normal and that I am to continue putting the medical ointment on to the area. He-Who-Touched-My-Brain, remains very happy with the out come of surgery from June. Me too, for the most part. I just want this healed already.
There is so too much going on in my Spirit's. This is the time for a Face-To-Face with my Sir Dude! I miss my safe place in his office. I miss our connection and I know I require the sound of his voice as soon as possible.
For now, I'll be keeping on, with the keeping on. Seen.
Wednesday, August 22, 2012
Doctor In The Afternoon, Anxiety, And Daughters
Relations,
Good Evening. Good Night and Good Morning.
I have attempt to lay down for the nights good rest, but I find myself here checking in on my daughters flight plan from JFK in New York City to Heathrow International, In London. BST, really? I mean really, all I want to know is when's my daughters plane to land and not bend my brains trying to figure this sort of thing out. I'm anxious enough as it is. Damned near overwhelmed with it truly.
Tomorrow afternoon, I shall have audio testing done on my right ear. He-Who-Has-Touched-My-Brain, will see me shortly there after. We will discuss the matters with both ears. The non-healing situation at the site of surgery on the left side of my head. The freaked-out-wound is leaking again. The abutment and base of implant continues to pass peculiar body fluids. I am eager and yes, I suspect and acknowledge where this may be a creator of some of this anxiety.
Yes, yes, I see.
My youngest gathered her gear, laundry and vittles and has returned to the Lodge across the county. Which in my heart seems as if she lives across the State of Florida. My Dearest Baby. I sure wished would have stayed a bit longer, but I understand the business plan of her decision and agreed it is a good danged call. My youngest is working two jobs. I worry about her health, diet and rest. I worry about her safety. I get increased levels of anxiety.
Daily.
My beautiful daughter's have continued a Family Tradition. Work. In one case my eldest worked three AND went to university. My youngest, works two jobs and has been working since late teen.
Presently, my Eldest is en route to a place far and far away. To teach Women and Girls to speck English....
...both have run circles about me on the travel piece. I mean, like "BAM"! They've been like ping pong balls. Through the air or on these US highways and via ships my daughters have bust their moves. Oh yes, I am so very proud of the two who won the race! I love them with all of my heart and every cell within this skin. All of the Innards too. Even this DNA that will survive long after I have moved from this Human form to Spirit. All is same-same for my wife, I will love these three Women in future lives, I love them three this much. I worry and stress. I pray. All of this, flying and moving about to and fro sends me into the highest of anxiety.
Daily...
...anxiety comes here to visit and sits a spell. I know, I am a Survivor and I am a Dad. Seen.
This anxiety is kinda - sorta like this life altering Meniere's Disease. Just on a completely different level. My daughters come before me. Oh, and my bride too. Then the illnesses and anxieties that come with that. My Family is my number one priority....
...my medications, my appointments - as in the morrow's after noon, unable to drive, unable to ride a trike, the need to have a Face-to-Face with Sir Dude and not calling, my requirements for transportation - "The All of My Shit", is a totally different anxiety.
Daily.
The yearn to be with other's. To connect and converse...
...and now to return to this silent lodge of ours. This empty nest.
To know I'll be alone in the morn when I wake.
Anxiety.
Good Evening. Good Night and Good Morning.
I have attempt to lay down for the nights good rest, but I find myself here checking in on my daughters flight plan from JFK in New York City to Heathrow International, In London. BST, really? I mean really, all I want to know is when's my daughters plane to land and not bend my brains trying to figure this sort of thing out. I'm anxious enough as it is. Damned near overwhelmed with it truly.
Tomorrow afternoon, I shall have audio testing done on my right ear. He-Who-Has-Touched-My-Brain, will see me shortly there after. We will discuss the matters with both ears. The non-healing situation at the site of surgery on the left side of my head. The freaked-out-wound is leaking again. The abutment and base of implant continues to pass peculiar body fluids. I am eager and yes, I suspect and acknowledge where this may be a creator of some of this anxiety.
Yes, yes, I see.
My youngest gathered her gear, laundry and vittles and has returned to the Lodge across the county. Which in my heart seems as if she lives across the State of Florida. My Dearest Baby. I sure wished would have stayed a bit longer, but I understand the business plan of her decision and agreed it is a good danged call. My youngest is working two jobs. I worry about her health, diet and rest. I worry about her safety. I get increased levels of anxiety.
Daily.
My beautiful daughter's have continued a Family Tradition. Work. In one case my eldest worked three AND went to university. My youngest, works two jobs and has been working since late teen.
Presently, my Eldest is en route to a place far and far away. To teach Women and Girls to speck English....
...both have run circles about me on the travel piece. I mean, like "BAM"! They've been like ping pong balls. Through the air or on these US highways and via ships my daughters have bust their moves. Oh yes, I am so very proud of the two who won the race! I love them with all of my heart and every cell within this skin. All of the Innards too. Even this DNA that will survive long after I have moved from this Human form to Spirit. All is same-same for my wife, I will love these three Women in future lives, I love them three this much. I worry and stress. I pray. All of this, flying and moving about to and fro sends me into the highest of anxiety.
Daily...
...anxiety comes here to visit and sits a spell. I know, I am a Survivor and I am a Dad. Seen.
This anxiety is kinda - sorta like this life altering Meniere's Disease. Just on a completely different level. My daughters come before me. Oh, and my bride too. Then the illnesses and anxieties that come with that. My Family is my number one priority....
...my medications, my appointments - as in the morrow's after noon, unable to drive, unable to ride a trike, the need to have a Face-to-Face with Sir Dude and not calling, my requirements for transportation - "The All of My Shit", is a totally different anxiety.
Daily.
The yearn to be with other's. To connect and converse...
...and now to return to this silent lodge of ours. This empty nest.
To know I'll be alone in the morn when I wake.
Anxiety.
Friday, August 17, 2012
Talk Not Permitted
Relations,
On this past Tuesday, 14 August 2012, my Eldest daughter and I had just arrived at Tampa General Hospital, at approximately 1210...
...as we were entering the Medical Office Tower where He-Who-Touched-My-Brain has the Clinic, a fellow was exiting as we were entering - a White fellow, about my age, not much shorter than I and I was greeted by him telling me to "get the mother fuck out of the way". He mumbled more but said that loud enough to where my daughter heard it clearly as well as those in our general area...
...yes, I was surprised and named him a "jack ass" aloud in public and then added stupid son-of-a-bitch post haste. The jack ass looked back at me - me with my implant and my BAHA, Bone Anchored Hearing Aid attached to the left side of my head and my six legs. My two and the four attached to my cane. I reckon the jack ass fellow changed his mind about his random verbal attack and kept on stepping out and away from me.
Speculation tells me that the fellow was a wee bit surprised with my response. He saw my face and my eye's locked on his eye's. That was just too damned bad for him and those about my daughter and I. It was so random like. This jack ass had no reason under this bright blue clear sky to tell me to get the mother fuck out of the way. I am blessed that this fool caught me on a day when I was polite...
...if this white dog had approached me with the physical violence that his verbiage perpetuated on a bad day when I was not gathered - that fool would have wanted to fight. And surly, I would have smashed that white jack ass right up against his right knee.
It is sad that my daughter had to witness this. Her reaction was shock and uneasiness...
...back many seasons and many years ago, I have not one doubt that I would have beat the dog snot out of this damned fool.
I mean, come on. My OWN daughter saw what it is I am and have been subjected to. In public and in private. I wish my dear one had not witnessed, but am glad too. A validation? Yes.
On this past Tuesday, 14 August 2012, my Eldest daughter and I had just arrived at Tampa General Hospital, at approximately 1210...
...as we were entering the Medical Office Tower where He-Who-Touched-My-Brain has the Clinic, a fellow was exiting as we were entering - a White fellow, about my age, not much shorter than I and I was greeted by him telling me to "get the mother fuck out of the way". He mumbled more but said that loud enough to where my daughter heard it clearly as well as those in our general area...
...yes, I was surprised and named him a "jack ass" aloud in public and then added stupid son-of-a-bitch post haste. The jack ass looked back at me - me with my implant and my BAHA, Bone Anchored Hearing Aid attached to the left side of my head and my six legs. My two and the four attached to my cane. I reckon the jack ass fellow changed his mind about his random verbal attack and kept on stepping out and away from me.
Speculation tells me that the fellow was a wee bit surprised with my response. He saw my face and my eye's locked on his eye's. That was just too damned bad for him and those about my daughter and I. It was so random like. This jack ass had no reason under this bright blue clear sky to tell me to get the mother fuck out of the way. I am blessed that this fool caught me on a day when I was polite...
...if this white dog had approached me with the physical violence that his verbiage perpetuated on a bad day when I was not gathered - that fool would have wanted to fight. And surly, I would have smashed that white jack ass right up against his right knee.
It is sad that my daughter had to witness this. Her reaction was shock and uneasiness...
...back many seasons and many years ago, I have not one doubt that I would have beat the dog snot out of this damned fool.
I mean, come on. My OWN daughter saw what it is I am and have been subjected to. In public and in private. I wish my dear one had not witnessed, but am glad too. A validation? Yes.
The Wound At Base Of Implant
Relations,
I wanted to share that He-Who's-From-The-South called with directions from He-Who-Touched-My-Brain at 1743 yesterday late after noon. I have been instructed to proceed with the application of the anti biotic cream directly to base of the implant. At this moment it is 0728, Friday morning. The site has had discharge of fluids over night. I have been informed that I am to call if "anything unusual happens"...
...Sweetie Pie's, I have been going through some very unusual stuff and here I am. I mean...
...I tell you what, between the Right-Good-Bad-Ear, continuing with the lack of hearing after sleeps and or rests and this area on the left side of my skull having put me through so many damned changes, I am about to have some tough times. Been as emotional as a scorned one.
My energy and my Crystal Ball indicated there was going to be issues, but I be damned if I had did not have the slightest clue it was going to be like this. I mean, shit.
My Left Deaf Ear, has been listening to the beeps and the sounds of WWII Fighter planes flying over my Lodge through-out most of the night. Random beeps too. Just up and goes "Beeeeeeeeeeep", Beepity-Beep-Beeeeep-Beep-Beep Then with the pains, worms, spiders and discharge - my left side of my head has been a damned mess. Plus the ointment placed about the implant. I do wish to share that inspite of this latest rubbish, the site of the latest surgery continues to heal and is really looking pretty, pink and sweet....
...this damned Good-Bad-Right-Ear I reckon, just wants to play with my emotions. This is not fun nor is it funny.
Well, all of the above is going on and here I sit waiting. Waiting for something to happen - it's as if this Meniere's Disease has had me on stand by for the past few days. Bull Shit, I have been on stand by since Day One. Damned Meniere's! I'm truly exhausted by this all. My rest and Dream World has been affected. I have been emotionally drained. I am concerned and afraid. My freaking skull is leaking you all! What more is there to say? What more might I share. I just don't know.
Unless there is an emergency over the next few days, I shall have a face to face with doctor on Thursday, 23 August 12. I am most eager as this will also be the day of I audiological tests conducted at doctor's clinic. Transportation has already been coordinated. My In-Law's will transport me Down Town. Thank you Nani!
This is all I have to say.
I wanted to share that He-Who's-From-The-South called with directions from He-Who-Touched-My-Brain at 1743 yesterday late after noon. I have been instructed to proceed with the application of the anti biotic cream directly to base of the implant. At this moment it is 0728, Friday morning. The site has had discharge of fluids over night. I have been informed that I am to call if "anything unusual happens"...
...Sweetie Pie's, I have been going through some very unusual stuff and here I am. I mean...
...I tell you what, between the Right-Good-Bad-Ear, continuing with the lack of hearing after sleeps and or rests and this area on the left side of my skull having put me through so many damned changes, I am about to have some tough times. Been as emotional as a scorned one.
My energy and my Crystal Ball indicated there was going to be issues, but I be damned if I had did not have the slightest clue it was going to be like this. I mean, shit.
My Left Deaf Ear, has been listening to the beeps and the sounds of WWII Fighter planes flying over my Lodge through-out most of the night. Random beeps too. Just up and goes "Beeeeeeeeeeep", Beepity-Beep-Beeeeep-Beep-Beep Then with the pains, worms, spiders and discharge - my left side of my head has been a damned mess. Plus the ointment placed about the implant. I do wish to share that inspite of this latest rubbish, the site of the latest surgery continues to heal and is really looking pretty, pink and sweet....
...this damned Good-Bad-Right-Ear I reckon, just wants to play with my emotions. This is not fun nor is it funny.
Well, all of the above is going on and here I sit waiting. Waiting for something to happen - it's as if this Meniere's Disease has had me on stand by for the past few days. Bull Shit, I have been on stand by since Day One. Damned Meniere's! I'm truly exhausted by this all. My rest and Dream World has been affected. I have been emotionally drained. I am concerned and afraid. My freaking skull is leaking you all! What more is there to say? What more might I share. I just don't know.
Unless there is an emergency over the next few days, I shall have a face to face with doctor on Thursday, 23 August 12. I am most eager as this will also be the day of I audiological tests conducted at doctor's clinic. Transportation has already been coordinated. My In-Law's will transport me Down Town. Thank you Nani!
This is all I have to say.
Thursday, August 16, 2012
Pictures Of You - The Cure (Lyrics)
Never, have I done a back-to-back, but then this is The Cure...
...and tonight, I rock on the rocking chair in the back of my mind -
listening to Robert and His Boy's, The Cure. Maybe an odd comment,
but this group has helped me through some difficult times in the past.
I reckon, after a period of separations, we have been reunited. I am glad.
With Lyrics for the Hearing Impaired.
Gotta Go.
p.s. I still would have Robert's baby.
The Cure "Boys Don't Cry"
...And now for something completly different, the video by The Cure, "Boys Don't Cry"...
...enjoy then!!!
My Dearest, Robert.
Boy's Don't Cry
Relations,
Good evening.
The tune "Boy's Don't Cry", was the tune that introduced me to Mr. Smith and his band mates in the group, The Cure. I seem to remember it taking no more than thirty seconds and I was hooked...
...and thus began a decades long crush on the same Mr. Smith. A long distance relationship - he just isn't aware of me yet. When he does, we'll all make merry and he and I will have many many healthy baby's.
This tune was also another step towards what was then, "my Goth phase". LOL! Oh yes, I shared many evenings listening to our local Not For Profit Broadcaster doing Goth Night. These fellows, The Cure, Peter Murphy, Dead Can Dance, Bauhaus, etc and etc...
...I don't remember the exact time I was turned on, but it was in the evening around 2200 and was going through extremely intensive therapy at the time dealing with the going's on with and of the Sexual Abuse and the Incest, Rapes and shit. This song made me cry my the First Time I listened to it! In an awesome good and angry way. I cried! And over the years I have shed many more tears with my flags of many colours and this tune, my anthem. Oh yes, I've had many anthems, so too many that I have created a sound track for and to my days here on Mother Earth. This one would be the introduction at the memorial. Perhaps playing the original video?
I remember being told that "Boy's Don't Cry", by damned near every adult and or authority figure in my young years. Every fuqen perpetrator would say the same. Except the one old nasty smelly cigar smoking Spanish bastard in the Spanish theater in Ybor City. I ran and ran up the stairs to my Dad shaking and in a bad tremble. Every damned cigar I have smelled since that time in my life reminds me of the filthy fucker. No matter where, no matter what the occasion, the smell of cigar smoke sends me into smelling memories. Sometimes a Flash Back or two...
...sometimes I remember shit I had forgotten. Shit I tried to remember to forget.
I've always cried in life. I got tired of hiding the tears in my eyes.
Sometimes, my tears are silent. Sometimes I hear them in my Spirit's.
There were many times I cried as a child and young one. I have cried as a young adult and I cried earlier this afternoon. I am 52 and this boy still cries. Life.
Drama Queen? I've been told so. I had a few bosses at the store in the big blue box call me a Drama Queen. Yes, over there at The Best Buy. I didn't care that I was provided such a fancy nick-name while at work. Look, I bet you these Boss Folk, loved this dude, Mario. He was a little eccentric, but damn could he work those numbers! Good Bosses, provided me opprotunities to Bless our Big Blue Box every once in again. Occasionaly, I was asked. And Honored. And yes, I cried. I would burn candles and white sage and cedar to keep us calm, at ease and to remove the negative energies that may had found their way into our store. Very many Good Ceremony's. I may be whatever these good Folks may have called me, I don't think so, ha - but they knew I always busted my ass for them. That, and I was strict as hell when it came to Folks playing with "the white man's money"! This piece of my reputation preceded me in that big blue box! I let myself cry with these Folks from time to time. I trusted them that much you see. And besides, my own wife, sister's, daughter's and too many Kinfolk too, had provided me with this bequeath decades ago. Either Drama Queen or a DIVA. Go figure. Both? Me? What? Naw Boo.
Please do remember this Folks, boy's do cry. In baseball too damn it! Football too! Even Polo!
Jimmy, thanks for the call earlier, Bro! Your call was like so apropos. Medicine-Man-From-Alabama! It is written, so let this be so - this is your Medicine Name, my Brother. I respect you as much and many others look at you as such. Peace, love and you be well and do take care...
...my fellow Native American.
Good evening.
The tune "Boy's Don't Cry", was the tune that introduced me to Mr. Smith and his band mates in the group, The Cure. I seem to remember it taking no more than thirty seconds and I was hooked...
...and thus began a decades long crush on the same Mr. Smith. A long distance relationship - he just isn't aware of me yet. When he does, we'll all make merry and he and I will have many many healthy baby's.
This tune was also another step towards what was then, "my Goth phase". LOL! Oh yes, I shared many evenings listening to our local Not For Profit Broadcaster doing Goth Night. These fellows, The Cure, Peter Murphy, Dead Can Dance, Bauhaus, etc and etc...
...I don't remember the exact time I was turned on, but it was in the evening around 2200 and was going through extremely intensive therapy at the time dealing with the going's on with and of the Sexual Abuse and the Incest, Rapes and shit. This song made me cry my the First Time I listened to it! In an awesome good and angry way. I cried! And over the years I have shed many more tears with my flags of many colours and this tune, my anthem. Oh yes, I've had many anthems, so too many that I have created a sound track for and to my days here on Mother Earth. This one would be the introduction at the memorial. Perhaps playing the original video?
I remember being told that "Boy's Don't Cry", by damned near every adult and or authority figure in my young years. Every fuqen perpetrator would say the same. Except the one old nasty smelly cigar smoking Spanish bastard in the Spanish theater in Ybor City. I ran and ran up the stairs to my Dad shaking and in a bad tremble. Every damned cigar I have smelled since that time in my life reminds me of the filthy fucker. No matter where, no matter what the occasion, the smell of cigar smoke sends me into smelling memories. Sometimes a Flash Back or two...
...sometimes I remember shit I had forgotten. Shit I tried to remember to forget.
I've always cried in life. I got tired of hiding the tears in my eyes.
Sometimes, my tears are silent. Sometimes I hear them in my Spirit's.
There were many times I cried as a child and young one. I have cried as a young adult and I cried earlier this afternoon. I am 52 and this boy still cries. Life.
Drama Queen? I've been told so. I had a few bosses at the store in the big blue box call me a Drama Queen. Yes, over there at The Best Buy. I didn't care that I was provided such a fancy nick-name while at work. Look, I bet you these Boss Folk, loved this dude, Mario. He was a little eccentric, but damn could he work those numbers! Good Bosses, provided me opprotunities to Bless our Big Blue Box every once in again. Occasionaly, I was asked. And Honored. And yes, I cried. I would burn candles and white sage and cedar to keep us calm, at ease and to remove the negative energies that may had found their way into our store. Very many Good Ceremony's. I may be whatever these good Folks may have called me, I don't think so, ha - but they knew I always busted my ass for them. That, and I was strict as hell when it came to Folks playing with "the white man's money"! This piece of my reputation preceded me in that big blue box! I let myself cry with these Folks from time to time. I trusted them that much you see. And besides, my own wife, sister's, daughter's and too many Kinfolk too, had provided me with this bequeath decades ago. Either Drama Queen or a DIVA. Go figure. Both? Me? What? Naw Boo.
Please do remember this Folks, boy's do cry. In baseball too damn it! Football too! Even Polo!
Jimmy, thanks for the call earlier, Bro! Your call was like so apropos. Medicine-Man-From-Alabama! It is written, so let this be so - this is your Medicine Name, my Brother. I respect you as much and many others look at you as such. Peace, love and you be well and do take care...
...my fellow Native American.
Talk
There are times when I think I talk to myself too often.
There are times when I don't speak with myself enough.
Sometimes things get kind of rough and tough.
And All I want to tell myself is to fuck off!
There are times when I need to talk. Just talk.
There are times when I want to listen and walk.
And walk. And walk and walk.
There are times I'd rather not talk.
Kin, say to me you must talk about things.
Kin don't hear what this caged Hawk sings.
There are my Kin who do not listen. They have no ears.
Same who make promises and have words shot like spears.
There are times Kin say to me I say too much.
Same Kin who don't take care of their such and such.
There are times I am scolded for being too loud.
Kinfolk then wonder why I live under a grey cloud.
No one knows what it is like to have one ear,
until one loses one ear. I know because I am here.
In the mean time, some Kin need to back off.
You see, I have not permitted myself to go soft.
So please, let this be a fine and understood chat.
Some Folk just don't know to leave me at that.
I am who I am. I, nor anyone else can change that.
That's clearly and simply one hell of a damned fact.
All of this talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk.
There are times when I don't speak with myself enough.
Sometimes things get kind of rough and tough.
And All I want to tell myself is to fuck off!
There are times when I need to talk. Just talk.
There are times when I want to listen and walk.
And walk. And walk and walk.
There are times I'd rather not talk.
Kin, say to me you must talk about things.
Kin don't hear what this caged Hawk sings.
There are my Kin who do not listen. They have no ears.
Same who make promises and have words shot like spears.
There are times Kin say to me I say too much.
Same Kin who don't take care of their such and such.
There are times I am scolded for being too loud.
Kinfolk then wonder why I live under a grey cloud.
No one knows what it is like to have one ear,
until one loses one ear. I know because I am here.
In the mean time, some Kin need to back off.
You see, I have not permitted myself to go soft.
So please, let this be a fine and understood chat.
Some Folk just don't know to leave me at that.
I am who I am. I, nor anyone else can change that.
That's clearly and simply one hell of a damned fact.
All of this talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk.
First, This Report About Body Fluids
Relations,
I send out this communique due to some medical news that has blown me into an anxiety attack and the need for an emergency puff of the inhaler. Let me talk of this news...
...I called my doctor's clinic earlier today because of body fluids from the area of "the wound". My pillow is polka-dotted with spots of blood mixed in with my fluids. I was able to feel scab material there earlier when I had called. He-Who-Is-From-The-South, called back shortly after to pass on that He-Who-Touched-My-Brain, wants me back on the post surgery anti-biotic ointment. My question then was "should I continue to use the silicone disk in the night?"...
...He-From-The-South, was to call me back with doctors instructions. I have instructed myself to discontinue the silicone disc.
Just passed 1600 I had this brilliant idea to have a look and see to gather a better picture of what was going on at the site of this wound. Well, I found the source of the bloody discharge and it was not at the site of the latest surgery-that-required-up-to-last-week-to-heal, this rubbish that is coming from my skull is at the base of my implant! There is ugly fluids that have passed from the implant and have created a round ring of material at the base of this abutment/implant.
So, and why yes, I freaked...
...and I called the clinic back in a state of unrest with this latest news. I am sick to know that I have suffered with these pains and this discomfort for quite some time and simply brushed them off...
..."oh, they're just neurological nerve pains", I've said again and then again. That's why I eat a certain large white pill, and then with what even, how many surgery's have we had on this side of my skull, so why not just brush it off. I have. And I did.
Then just a spell ago, I had a look and see. Shit!
I now await further instruction from He-Who-Has-Touched-My-Brain. This is not a normal type of thing. No, really it is not. I know, because I'm the one with the hole-in-the-head. It is 1723.
Damn it.
I send out this communique due to some medical news that has blown me into an anxiety attack and the need for an emergency puff of the inhaler. Let me talk of this news...
...I called my doctor's clinic earlier today because of body fluids from the area of "the wound". My pillow is polka-dotted with spots of blood mixed in with my fluids. I was able to feel scab material there earlier when I had called. He-Who-Is-From-The-South, called back shortly after to pass on that He-Who-Touched-My-Brain, wants me back on the post surgery anti-biotic ointment. My question then was "should I continue to use the silicone disk in the night?"...
...He-From-The-South, was to call me back with doctors instructions. I have instructed myself to discontinue the silicone disc.
Just passed 1600 I had this brilliant idea to have a look and see to gather a better picture of what was going on at the site of this wound. Well, I found the source of the bloody discharge and it was not at the site of the latest surgery-that-required-up-to-last-week-to-heal, this rubbish that is coming from my skull is at the base of my implant! There is ugly fluids that have passed from the implant and have created a round ring of material at the base of this abutment/implant.
So, and why yes, I freaked...
...and I called the clinic back in a state of unrest with this latest news. I am sick to know that I have suffered with these pains and this discomfort for quite some time and simply brushed them off...
..."oh, they're just neurological nerve pains", I've said again and then again. That's why I eat a certain large white pill, and then with what even, how many surgery's have we had on this side of my skull, so why not just brush it off. I have. And I did.
Then just a spell ago, I had a look and see. Shit!
I now await further instruction from He-Who-Has-Touched-My-Brain. This is not a normal type of thing. No, really it is not. I know, because I'm the one with the hole-in-the-head. It is 1723.
Damn it.
Wednesday, August 15, 2012
The Me I Talk To
Relations,
As I sit here speaking with the me I speak to and considered I might share same with you.
He-Touched-My-Brain and my experiment was a failure last night and this morning. Which in my mind implies that it is I who have failed. Please, don't judge me. Just know that there is a negative and unfortunate state of affairs going on between these two ear holes of mine. I curse and call myself names because I did not do as doctor wished yesterday. The sensations are disappointing and is actually quite an understatement. I feel dirty for some reason...
...God, I don't know why. Please don't ask because I do not wish to be analyzed at this minute. Speaking of which, that call to Sir Dude is something I must bust a move on. Like today, I ask?
My hopes were high at time of sleep last evening. I had this anticipation that was sky high and I reckon I had set myself up for this disappoint. It's one of those "placing all my eggs in one basket" scenario's.
This morning I woke up earlier than usual and laid in bed. And waited for my hearing to return from it's slumber. It took about one minute to begin to hear and then it took a few minutes to grasp a good hold on the sounds about me. The ceiling fan or the boxed fan and I strained to listen to what was happening out of doors. My hearing remained muffled even after I got up and about. No, I don't know how long that went on, but I am able to share that I "felt" my own voice from the inside of my skull, chest and innards for a spell.
Right.
I have decided to keep my appointment scheduled by She-Who-Has-A-Strong-Face. I did not realize until this morning that 23 August is next week. Yesterday, I heard myself say, damn - that sure isn't as doctor wanted - saying to myself that that seemed so far off. Today, I have read the calender and see that it was a distortion of time in my head that created my puzzle. I am sorry for placing blame on another when the blame lies here with me. She-Who-Has-A-Strong-Face, I am sorry. I had no clue that my daughters departure was approaching with such quickness. I had told myself there was time to spare. If it requires I take the Little Bus to TGH, then I will. This appointment for testing and face to face with my doctor is important. It is but the time that passes on by so quickly that blows my mind...
...My God. I say to myself.
As I sit here speaking with the me I speak to and considered I might share same with you.
He-Touched-My-Brain and my experiment was a failure last night and this morning. Which in my mind implies that it is I who have failed. Please, don't judge me. Just know that there is a negative and unfortunate state of affairs going on between these two ear holes of mine. I curse and call myself names because I did not do as doctor wished yesterday. The sensations are disappointing and is actually quite an understatement. I feel dirty for some reason...
...God, I don't know why. Please don't ask because I do not wish to be analyzed at this minute. Speaking of which, that call to Sir Dude is something I must bust a move on. Like today, I ask?
My hopes were high at time of sleep last evening. I had this anticipation that was sky high and I reckon I had set myself up for this disappoint. It's one of those "placing all my eggs in one basket" scenario's.
This morning I woke up earlier than usual and laid in bed. And waited for my hearing to return from it's slumber. It took about one minute to begin to hear and then it took a few minutes to grasp a good hold on the sounds about me. The ceiling fan or the boxed fan and I strained to listen to what was happening out of doors. My hearing remained muffled even after I got up and about. No, I don't know how long that went on, but I am able to share that I "felt" my own voice from the inside of my skull, chest and innards for a spell.
Right.
I have decided to keep my appointment scheduled by She-Who-Has-A-Strong-Face. I did not realize until this morning that 23 August is next week. Yesterday, I heard myself say, damn - that sure isn't as doctor wanted - saying to myself that that seemed so far off. Today, I have read the calender and see that it was a distortion of time in my head that created my puzzle. I am sorry for placing blame on another when the blame lies here with me. She-Who-Has-A-Strong-Face, I am sorry. I had no clue that my daughters departure was approaching with such quickness. I had told myself there was time to spare. If it requires I take the Little Bus to TGH, then I will. This appointment for testing and face to face with my doctor is important. It is but the time that passes on by so quickly that blows my mind...
...My God. I say to myself.
Happy And Merry Birthday Daddy Baby Girl!
Dear Daddy Baby Daughter,
I wish to share with all of our Relation's the anniversary of your birth is today. This is just a brief note. Really.
Baby Daughter, I wish you to have an awesomely Happy and Merry Birthday!
I will not betray your age, I promise. This communique is something I am compelled to share with you though. You and our Kindred.
You, my dearest Honorable Daughter #2 and have been and will always be your Daddy's Baby Girl. I mean this literally you know? I mean, you are my second born, thus, my baby. I believe this strongly, it doesn't matter how old you are or how fast you and your sister catch up with me, YOU will always be your Pa's Baby Gurl. Yeah, I know...
...I wish there was some way I could share that special photograph of you and I when I picked you up with my teeth when you were just a teeny-lil'-ting all those years ago. Like a Wolf would pick up a pup - you there with your fingers out stretched as if you were diving from an air plane! Or a bungee jump! Ha! That beautiful smile on your face and what an expression. Priceless...
...I imagine you were like, "WTF?". Yep, even then you was cussin' up a storm, I suspect. I mean, like, you must have been a Sailor in a previous life or something along a profession that would have permitted you to use excellent forms of profanity. I baseball player? IDK.
Any who, Daddy Baby Daughter, I am impressed often by your Womanhood, your Woman-ness. I am proud of you. Sometimes I just sit back and observe. I see that you are the type of Woman I would not want to be on the wrong side of. Your strength of mind and heart is awe inspiring. (I think you got this from me) (HA!) You are an awesome Woman and an awesome daughter.
Sam, I love you with all of my heart, mind and Spirit's.
I love you more than the price tag on that petroleum bill it took to transport that damned rocket and junk to Mars. 135,000 million miles from here. Now that's some love right there. En'it? :)
Cuppie Boo Boo, please do have a very Happy and Merry Birthday!!
Love, Fahadja also known as Pa, also known as Dad, also known as Father, also known as Daddy
I wish to share with all of our Relation's the anniversary of your birth is today. This is just a brief note. Really.
Baby Daughter, I wish you to have an awesomely Happy and Merry Birthday!
I will not betray your age, I promise. This communique is something I am compelled to share with you though. You and our Kindred.
You, my dearest Honorable Daughter #2 and have been and will always be your Daddy's Baby Girl. I mean this literally you know? I mean, you are my second born, thus, my baby. I believe this strongly, it doesn't matter how old you are or how fast you and your sister catch up with me, YOU will always be your Pa's Baby Gurl. Yeah, I know...
...I wish there was some way I could share that special photograph of you and I when I picked you up with my teeth when you were just a teeny-lil'-ting all those years ago. Like a Wolf would pick up a pup - you there with your fingers out stretched as if you were diving from an air plane! Or a bungee jump! Ha! That beautiful smile on your face and what an expression. Priceless...
...I imagine you were like, "WTF?". Yep, even then you was cussin' up a storm, I suspect. I mean, like, you must have been a Sailor in a previous life or something along a profession that would have permitted you to use excellent forms of profanity. I baseball player? IDK.
Any who, Daddy Baby Daughter, I am impressed often by your Womanhood, your Woman-ness. I am proud of you. Sometimes I just sit back and observe. I see that you are the type of Woman I would not want to be on the wrong side of. Your strength of mind and heart is awe inspiring. (I think you got this from me) (HA!) You are an awesome Woman and an awesome daughter.
Sam, I love you with all of my heart, mind and Spirit's.
I love you more than the price tag on that petroleum bill it took to transport that damned rocket and junk to Mars. 135,000 million miles from here. Now that's some love right there. En'it? :)
Cuppie Boo Boo, please do have a very Happy and Merry Birthday!!
Love, Fahadja also known as Pa, also known as Dad, also known as Father, also known as Daddy
Tuesday, August 14, 2012
Say, Show And Share
Relatives,
This is where I throw out random thoughts, memories, utterances and or the whatever. I enjoy doing this. It doesn't provide much time for editing or censorship and besides, I shoot from the hip on this. So there just might be a bit of verbal jump abouts.
Well then, I'm off...
1. I would love to own my own tiara someday. Had one once but gave it away to a niece or cousin.
2. I am now wearing size 44 X 32 Levi Button Fly Jeans!
3. Crazy!
4. Have gone from a size 50 to a size 44 that is just a bit loose.
5. My beautiful niece, known as, She-Who-Lives-With-The-Seminoles, took special photos of me.
6. She did not publish all of them.
7. I am delighted by this. Thank you Sweetie Boo Boo.
8. There appears to be a chunk of my ass missing along with the near fifty pound loss.
9. Was insulted by a younger-but-not-that-damned-young guest recently when she questioned.
10. I laughed a little in my mind.
11. She knows that I know she knows I could wear her under garments.
12. There is this fellow at He-Who-Touched-My-Brain's clinic. Boy...
13. There are several Women at He-Who-Touched-My-Brain's Clinic. Gurrrrls...
14. Had a vegetarian lunch and a dinner this evening. No questions - just did.
15. Considering my 44 slacks and denims are loose - I am eager to fit into 42's.
16. The veins in my arms are becoming more pronounced. Veins else where are too. So cool.
17. Fuck the phlebotomist's at the laboratory!
18. If they're unable to fetch my blood now - they're just plain ass sorry.
19. The complexion of my skin continues to change. I am at a prolonged period of a nice Red.
20. As The date for my daughter's departures nears, my heart begins to shed it's tears.
21. My youngest daughter, turns one year older tomorrow, 15 August 2012. Happy!
22. I will not share her age. She may be inclined to not appreciate that too much.
23. I have had my grandmother called my mother.
24. I have had my wife called my mother.
25. Today for the first time, my eldest daughter was called my wife.
I have nothing more to say at this time, so I'll wish one and all a good nights sleep, a fantastic morning and a wonderfully productive day.
Until the next time.
This is where I throw out random thoughts, memories, utterances and or the whatever. I enjoy doing this. It doesn't provide much time for editing or censorship and besides, I shoot from the hip on this. So there just might be a bit of verbal jump abouts.
Well then, I'm off...
1. I would love to own my own tiara someday. Had one once but gave it away to a niece or cousin.
2. I am now wearing size 44 X 32 Levi Button Fly Jeans!
3. Crazy!
4. Have gone from a size 50 to a size 44 that is just a bit loose.
5. My beautiful niece, known as, She-Who-Lives-With-The-Seminoles, took special photos of me.
6. She did not publish all of them.
7. I am delighted by this. Thank you Sweetie Boo Boo.
8. There appears to be a chunk of my ass missing along with the near fifty pound loss.
9. Was insulted by a younger-but-not-that-damned-young guest recently when she questioned.
10. I laughed a little in my mind.
11. She knows that I know she knows I could wear her under garments.
12. There is this fellow at He-Who-Touched-My-Brain's clinic. Boy...
13. There are several Women at He-Who-Touched-My-Brain's Clinic. Gurrrrls...
14. Had a vegetarian lunch and a dinner this evening. No questions - just did.
15. Considering my 44 slacks and denims are loose - I am eager to fit into 42's.
16. The veins in my arms are becoming more pronounced. Veins else where are too. So cool.
17. Fuck the phlebotomist's at the laboratory!
18. If they're unable to fetch my blood now - they're just plain ass sorry.
19. The complexion of my skin continues to change. I am at a prolonged period of a nice Red.
20. As The date for my daughter's departures nears, my heart begins to shed it's tears.
21. My youngest daughter, turns one year older tomorrow, 15 August 2012. Happy!
22. I will not share her age. She may be inclined to not appreciate that too much.
23. I have had my grandmother called my mother.
24. I have had my wife called my mother.
25. Today for the first time, my eldest daughter was called my wife.
I have nothing more to say at this time, so I'll wish one and all a good nights sleep, a fantastic morning and a wonderfully productive day.
Until the next time.
He-Who-Touched-My-Brain, Our Face To Face
Relations,
Hello.
I follow up from my earlier communique to share with you what it was doctor and I spoke about during our gathering. For me, it seemed a mixed bag. I was happy He-Who-Touched-My-Brain was happy about the right good healing of the wound. He too, feels that I had an abscess that had completed it's course - freeing me of the small lump and hole that had not healed 100%. Today, this specimen looks absolutely awesome. Flat, red and pink and rather smooth with the markings created by the stitches...
...one of which may have in fact created the abscess. The left side of my head has pained me and was troubling while in clinic so I was able to describe very well what was going on then. To include post Meniere's attack symptoms to boot - all happening/occurring while right there. Spoke of the worms which I just felt and the spiders that disturb my sleep. Them ones that squirm around between my skin and my skull...
...speaking of which, He-Who-Touched-My-Brain shared with me that my "scalp is very thick" - as he motioned with his right thumb and forefinger, "about this much" was what I took off. I gulped. Burped and tasted this mornings medicines. (Nausea) He-Who-Touched-My-Brain, with my consent, really-really bleeding scalped me! Ha! I share this, them who came before me would have been proud of me to have been scalped and survived the scalping. We would have had a big feast and there would have been give-aways. In retrospect this most recent surgery was right about the fifth or sixth operation where some sort of scalping was involved. This one most recent scalping was like "yes, about this much was what I removed from your thick scalp". I am laughing. Was laughing out loud. Now not so much, but doctor and I had an awesome connection right then and there. And Hell yeah, my Kinfolk are hollerin' it up - up there in heaven! I gulped when he mentioned that word. "Scalped". Great Day, My Great Spirit! That and the following was instantly in my thoughts and upon my face. Although I did not remind Doc., it was not too many operations ago that He, my Right Good Doctor informed me I have the hardest skull he has ever had to work on. Now, my Brother, shares and states - I have learned and am informed I have a thick scalp. "The Thickest". I smile as I see the satisfaction in my doctors face. Bless his heart. I thank you, my Great Spirit for connecting He-Who-Touched-My-Brain and I. Seen. Doc., has been a genuine Earth Angel for me and to my life and Path.
The right HH, Hard of Hearing ear and the symptoms disturbs my doctor. I permitted She-With-A-Strong-Face to coordinate this follow up appointment doctor wants done sooner than later. Doctor really wanted some tests done today and I am kicking myself in the ass because I failed to take these tests today. My daughter was in a packed waiting room and we did have to wait just a bit longer than usual for me to get squeezed in. She also had plans I did not wish to disturb - so I promised doctor I would coordinate our next follow up. I didn't - she did. Besides that, it is the day following my dear one's departure for a land far and far away. (I dread that day) I do not want to have any influences on what ever tests doctor has ordered. So, tomorrow I shall call the clinic to make appointment earlier than two weeks out.
My body and my better state of health commitment is my business. Not hers. So, come morn.
We discussed the symptoms I have been having the past several days. The noises, the sounds, the "pop's", informing He-Who-Touched-My-Brain of somebody mowing my back yard at 2300 last night. We spoke about my right ear having to wake up after I have woken from a sleep. Doctor wants to conduct an experiment that we will do tonight. He, has requested I sleep in a reclined position. At an angel, with my head raised up a few degrees in other words. Doctor is puzzled. Suspects it is the Meniere's Disease creating imbalance and issues with hearing by possible fluids within the right ear. If this works then we know...
...if not, I see in my Crystal Ball that there may not be too much of anything we might possibly do. Or not too much time with which to do this. I really do not know. There is anxiety welling up inside and my emotions are as live bare electrical wires. Seems as if I cry at every spark. As mentioned, there is an appointment to move up sooner for tests. Maybe then, we will have a better idea on where to go and what to do with this. With the more difficulty hearing I have had, the more frustrating listening in private becomes. Even then, much more so in public, as in while out and about. Spoke of the buffering of what hearing does take place and that occurs in my day-to-day life style. Unfortunately, it has become necessary for me to cup my ear to hear and or listen. Doctor and I spoke of the loss of hearing and my feeling the vibrations of my voice in my upper body, chest and it's innards. I saw my dear doctor share his face that let me see He, has some thinking to do. Doc. is a tough one to See sometimes, other times like today, we felt the joy and happiness coupled with the business at hand. This was worn on both of our faces. I know this.
I have been afraid of the Deafness since I lost hearing in my left ear. I have tried to play like a strong dude, but the silence is scary. Odd how it is that the sounds, noises and now a silence that must work to awaken and provide listening made me realize what a beautiful right ear I have. Yes, I did just pay myself a compliment and say my right ear is beautiful. I love my left one too.
Sometimes, I think, I forgot to stop and look at just how cool my ears are! I have learned to notice how much of my body I have taken for granted. How many parts of me I have learned to love again. These ears for example, they're just as cute as could be and this left one is pierced with the highest gauge possible without deforming my ear. So Choice! The contrast of steel and my implant is outstanding. When I put the brown blinged out processor on, that's just a whole bonus thing right there, you see. The satellite dish here where my abutment lives is still something I am growing accustomed to. But I think I have fallen rather in love with it really. Even letting the stop-to-see-and-rubber-neck's, who must take a peak, something that once truly bugged the shit out of me, is now easier for me to brush off. I say, Bless their hearts. I reckon I am coming along well where this "letting go" business is taking root. All because I think I may be starting to feel badly for them...
...them and those who stop-to-see-and-rubber-neck. No. I don't know why either. (?)
My DNA and my innards tell me this is the way of My Path. Great Spirit, has placed He-Who-Touched-My-Brain on My Path for reasons and a purpose. We are a team and I'm in this for the long haul damn it. We as a Better Health Care Team, has, have and will continue to battle on to fight a good fight.
I am a Warrior. Doctor is a powerful Warrior and is my right hand man. And I trust him.
This is all I have to say.
Hello.
I follow up from my earlier communique to share with you what it was doctor and I spoke about during our gathering. For me, it seemed a mixed bag. I was happy He-Who-Touched-My-Brain was happy about the right good healing of the wound. He too, feels that I had an abscess that had completed it's course - freeing me of the small lump and hole that had not healed 100%. Today, this specimen looks absolutely awesome. Flat, red and pink and rather smooth with the markings created by the stitches...
...one of which may have in fact created the abscess. The left side of my head has pained me and was troubling while in clinic so I was able to describe very well what was going on then. To include post Meniere's attack symptoms to boot - all happening/occurring while right there. Spoke of the worms which I just felt and the spiders that disturb my sleep. Them ones that squirm around between my skin and my skull...
...speaking of which, He-Who-Touched-My-Brain shared with me that my "scalp is very thick" - as he motioned with his right thumb and forefinger, "about this much" was what I took off. I gulped. Burped and tasted this mornings medicines. (Nausea) He-Who-Touched-My-Brain, with my consent, really-really bleeding scalped me! Ha! I share this, them who came before me would have been proud of me to have been scalped and survived the scalping. We would have had a big feast and there would have been give-aways. In retrospect this most recent surgery was right about the fifth or sixth operation where some sort of scalping was involved. This one most recent scalping was like "yes, about this much was what I removed from your thick scalp". I am laughing. Was laughing out loud. Now not so much, but doctor and I had an awesome connection right then and there. And Hell yeah, my Kinfolk are hollerin' it up - up there in heaven! I gulped when he mentioned that word. "Scalped". Great Day, My Great Spirit! That and the following was instantly in my thoughts and upon my face. Although I did not remind Doc., it was not too many operations ago that He, my Right Good Doctor informed me I have the hardest skull he has ever had to work on. Now, my Brother, shares and states - I have learned and am informed I have a thick scalp. "The Thickest". I smile as I see the satisfaction in my doctors face. Bless his heart. I thank you, my Great Spirit for connecting He-Who-Touched-My-Brain and I. Seen. Doc., has been a genuine Earth Angel for me and to my life and Path.
The right HH, Hard of Hearing ear and the symptoms disturbs my doctor. I permitted She-With-A-Strong-Face to coordinate this follow up appointment doctor wants done sooner than later. Doctor really wanted some tests done today and I am kicking myself in the ass because I failed to take these tests today. My daughter was in a packed waiting room and we did have to wait just a bit longer than usual for me to get squeezed in. She also had plans I did not wish to disturb - so I promised doctor I would coordinate our next follow up. I didn't - she did. Besides that, it is the day following my dear one's departure for a land far and far away. (I dread that day) I do not want to have any influences on what ever tests doctor has ordered. So, tomorrow I shall call the clinic to make appointment earlier than two weeks out.
My body and my better state of health commitment is my business. Not hers. So, come morn.
We discussed the symptoms I have been having the past several days. The noises, the sounds, the "pop's", informing He-Who-Touched-My-Brain of somebody mowing my back yard at 2300 last night. We spoke about my right ear having to wake up after I have woken from a sleep. Doctor wants to conduct an experiment that we will do tonight. He, has requested I sleep in a reclined position. At an angel, with my head raised up a few degrees in other words. Doctor is puzzled. Suspects it is the Meniere's Disease creating imbalance and issues with hearing by possible fluids within the right ear. If this works then we know...
...if not, I see in my Crystal Ball that there may not be too much of anything we might possibly do. Or not too much time with which to do this. I really do not know. There is anxiety welling up inside and my emotions are as live bare electrical wires. Seems as if I cry at every spark. As mentioned, there is an appointment to move up sooner for tests. Maybe then, we will have a better idea on where to go and what to do with this. With the more difficulty hearing I have had, the more frustrating listening in private becomes. Even then, much more so in public, as in while out and about. Spoke of the buffering of what hearing does take place and that occurs in my day-to-day life style. Unfortunately, it has become necessary for me to cup my ear to hear and or listen. Doctor and I spoke of the loss of hearing and my feeling the vibrations of my voice in my upper body, chest and it's innards. I saw my dear doctor share his face that let me see He, has some thinking to do. Doc. is a tough one to See sometimes, other times like today, we felt the joy and happiness coupled with the business at hand. This was worn on both of our faces. I know this.
I have been afraid of the Deafness since I lost hearing in my left ear. I have tried to play like a strong dude, but the silence is scary. Odd how it is that the sounds, noises and now a silence that must work to awaken and provide listening made me realize what a beautiful right ear I have. Yes, I did just pay myself a compliment and say my right ear is beautiful. I love my left one too.
Sometimes, I think, I forgot to stop and look at just how cool my ears are! I have learned to notice how much of my body I have taken for granted. How many parts of me I have learned to love again. These ears for example, they're just as cute as could be and this left one is pierced with the highest gauge possible without deforming my ear. So Choice! The contrast of steel and my implant is outstanding. When I put the brown blinged out processor on, that's just a whole bonus thing right there, you see. The satellite dish here where my abutment lives is still something I am growing accustomed to. But I think I have fallen rather in love with it really. Even letting the stop-to-see-and-rubber-neck's, who must take a peak, something that once truly bugged the shit out of me, is now easier for me to brush off. I say, Bless their hearts. I reckon I am coming along well where this "letting go" business is taking root. All because I think I may be starting to feel badly for them...
...them and those who stop-to-see-and-rubber-neck. No. I don't know why either. (?)
My DNA and my innards tell me this is the way of My Path. Great Spirit, has placed He-Who-Touched-My-Brain on My Path for reasons and a purpose. We are a team and I'm in this for the long haul damn it. We as a Better Health Care Team, has, have and will continue to battle on to fight a good fight.
I am a Warrior. Doctor is a powerful Warrior and is my right hand man. And I trust him.
This is all I have to say.
Meniere's Attack, 10 August 2012
Relation's,
I wish to share with you that on the evening of this past Friday, 10 August 2012, I had a Meniere's attack that rendered me absolutely useless and bed bound. I slept from early that evening until Sunday morning at 1100 and have slept plenty of my daughters visit and my life away since.
I have cried much since I woke Sunday and have tried diligently to remain awake and productive as possible. Spend as much time as possible with both of my dear baby's. Tomorrow, my youngest will become a twenty-eight year old Woman. This blows my mind because it seems to me as if it were just yester-year she was a teeny tiny little Daddy's girl. I love my daughters more than life. I love them both with all of my heart and life force. My daughters have been my teachers.
I have cried much since Sunday, because of this Meniere's attack and the exhaustion I have cried had alot since....
...my body is sore and aches from my toe tips to my skull. I am human. I am Spirit.
The dizziness has been relentless and the nausea has been omni-present with some productivity since Friday. The sweats have been disgusting and the all of this has been heavy on my heart and deep within my mind and energy. My energy zapped by this damned Meniere's.
The Worms and Spiders have been active and have crawled about the left and the back of my skull. The spiders have been so bad I have been stirred from sleep...
...last night I listened to what sounded like some body mowing their lawn at 2300. No, there wasn't and this lasted for an hour and one quarter. I also heard my daughter call me aloud, "Dad?", "Dad?", over and over again and again. And no, she wasn't. I suspect this too was a reason for such a fitful rest.
I prepare for a gathering with He-Who-Touched-My-Brain, today at 1215. It is 1133 so I bid a good day to one and all. I will send out communique later on today.
Ciao.
I wish to share with you that on the evening of this past Friday, 10 August 2012, I had a Meniere's attack that rendered me absolutely useless and bed bound. I slept from early that evening until Sunday morning at 1100 and have slept plenty of my daughters visit and my life away since.
I have cried much since I woke Sunday and have tried diligently to remain awake and productive as possible. Spend as much time as possible with both of my dear baby's. Tomorrow, my youngest will become a twenty-eight year old Woman. This blows my mind because it seems to me as if it were just yester-year she was a teeny tiny little Daddy's girl. I love my daughters more than life. I love them both with all of my heart and life force. My daughters have been my teachers.
I have cried much since Sunday, because of this Meniere's attack and the exhaustion I have cried had alot since....
...my body is sore and aches from my toe tips to my skull. I am human. I am Spirit.
The dizziness has been relentless and the nausea has been omni-present with some productivity since Friday. The sweats have been disgusting and the all of this has been heavy on my heart and deep within my mind and energy. My energy zapped by this damned Meniere's.
The Worms and Spiders have been active and have crawled about the left and the back of my skull. The spiders have been so bad I have been stirred from sleep...
...last night I listened to what sounded like some body mowing their lawn at 2300. No, there wasn't and this lasted for an hour and one quarter. I also heard my daughter call me aloud, "Dad?", "Dad?", over and over again and again. And no, she wasn't. I suspect this too was a reason for such a fitful rest.
I prepare for a gathering with He-Who-Touched-My-Brain, today at 1215. It is 1133 so I bid a good day to one and all. I will send out communique later on today.
Ciao.
Today, A Gathering With He-Who-Touched-My-Brain
Relations,
Greetings.
Today shortly after noon I will be visiting with my doctor, He-Who-Touched-My-Brain. This visit is the one that has been moved up from Friday, to today due to circumstances beyond my control. First off will be to solicit the aid on both sides of my skull. The Deaf Left, where the wound has just recently bled and passed body fluids, is I am thinking healing! The small lump and hole that just would not heal burst, which created such activity and is now flat as the remainder of the wound. I am very damned pleased with this and speculate doctor will feel the same. There remains a tiny hole that I hope closes before too long. The fear and concern of infection are daily thoughts. The nerve pains from this wound have become quite irritable and really pray that soon this saga will be complete. So many - too many surgery's.
The second and now most important is the conduct of my right HH, Hard of Hearing ear. The One-Good-Bad-Right-Ear. There is major concern in my center and I indeed had a fitful rest last night knowing that there will be words spoken today that required and require preparation in my energy. It is not a normal thing to have One's ear, linger in a state of deafness and necessitate a period with which to awaken. To hear and listen again. This may last thirty or so seconds to two to three minutes. My good-goodness, Kindred, it just doesn't make sense to me.
There are pains in both ears and the pains on my right seem to be a new symptom that I have not been able to figure out. It seems to me that in inner skull is bruised. I can't explain this. I'm so naive when it comes to the reasons why this Meniere's Disease happens. I really don't know...
...so I let He-Who-Touched-My-Brain, take care of me and these ridiculous problems and symptoms. He's the educated one and Great Spirit, has blessed my doctor with exceptional knowledge. Seen.
I will follow up on this later on today.
Enough said.
Greetings.
Today shortly after noon I will be visiting with my doctor, He-Who-Touched-My-Brain. This visit is the one that has been moved up from Friday, to today due to circumstances beyond my control. First off will be to solicit the aid on both sides of my skull. The Deaf Left, where the wound has just recently bled and passed body fluids, is I am thinking healing! The small lump and hole that just would not heal burst, which created such activity and is now flat as the remainder of the wound. I am very damned pleased with this and speculate doctor will feel the same. There remains a tiny hole that I hope closes before too long. The fear and concern of infection are daily thoughts. The nerve pains from this wound have become quite irritable and really pray that soon this saga will be complete. So many - too many surgery's.
The second and now most important is the conduct of my right HH, Hard of Hearing ear. The One-Good-Bad-Right-Ear. There is major concern in my center and I indeed had a fitful rest last night knowing that there will be words spoken today that required and require preparation in my energy. It is not a normal thing to have One's ear, linger in a state of deafness and necessitate a period with which to awaken. To hear and listen again. This may last thirty or so seconds to two to three minutes. My good-goodness, Kindred, it just doesn't make sense to me.
There are pains in both ears and the pains on my right seem to be a new symptom that I have not been able to figure out. It seems to me that in inner skull is bruised. I can't explain this. I'm so naive when it comes to the reasons why this Meniere's Disease happens. I really don't know...
...so I let He-Who-Touched-My-Brain, take care of me and these ridiculous problems and symptoms. He's the educated one and Great Spirit, has blessed my doctor with exceptional knowledge. Seen.
I will follow up on this later on today.
Enough said.
Friday, August 10, 2012
Meniere's Disese, My Path - Second Anniversary
Relatives,
Please celebrate with me as the Second Anniversary of this blog, Meniere's Disease, Mario's Path. Two years for some may not be so long, but for me it has been life times. Yes, the title of the blog remains same with the exception of stating My Path, rather than Mario's Path. I wish to leave the name as same because this is the way it all started two years ago today...
...the blog has become more than a simple blog for me. Yes and true, this is a simple blog and I'm a simple sort of fellow. Seen. One with Life's joy's and life's complication's. Issue's of a varying degree, if you wish.
I acknowledge and am fully aware I'm not the only one out here with similar health issues. For I and I, it has been the introduction of Meniere's to my life - My Path. With Meniere's Disease, came the loss of hearing and balance in my left ear. The spectrum of changes that accompanied the diagnosis's. The symptom's that are lived every damned day. The multiple surgeries that I have had since 2009.
Then there's the "C" word shit that pop's up about my body from time to time. From my head to Mr. Wang. And, I would like to share Mr. Wang, is doing excellently well. He moved back in earlier this year after a bit of a long holiday. Oh, we are a genuinely happy bunch.
My personal demons...
...dealing and continuing to battle issues from the Incest and Sexual Abuse I suffered and survived through as a wee young one, as an adolescent, a young Man and now, having to deal with an Elders molesting ways. His perpetuation of perpetrating sexual offenses - time and fucking time again are beginning to wear thin on me. I'm fifty two years old! What the hell?
NOTE: He-Who-Touched-My-Brain's assistant has just called. My scheduled appointment has been moved from Friday the 17 to Tuesday 14 August 2012. My friend, He-Who's-From-The-South, has filled my hopes that I will be forced in at 1230. In one hand I am pleased, in the other the uncertainty.
So, I sit here and we have a talk...
...please, if I may? You, the readers have read and been witness to my life. It's trials and tribulation's, my ups and downs. You have read about the physical ailments besides them mentioned earlier. There's the high Blood Pressure, my battle with Sugar Diabetes, the hospitalizations for the pneumonia's and the diagnosis COPD.
I have taken and have eaten so many medications I am unable to ramble them off at this moment. Anti-This and Anti-That's. The psycotrophic's that took control of my body functions. Them so tiny and those larger than a horse pill. Me and my medications. My pills and I.
It is you, my guest's, who have read my talk of the emotional matters that have had to be dealt with on a daily basis. A quite regular basis indeed. You have learnt about my MPD. I'll never forget being told by a psychologist in a group environment that I was more difficult than Sybil. You have lived and seen me through my very words. Many would remember the contemplation of suicide. Many remember the liters and liters of tears I have shed over all I have shared here on My Path.
My Relatives, I must say thank you to each and every guest who has ever clicked onto this blog. It is because of the thousands and thousands of guests that I am humbled beyond any state of being ever experienced by this simple Man. I thank Brian and Kathy, for planting the seed in my heart and Spirit in this thick and hard skull. I am forever grateful to you both. Please, She-Who-Lives-With-The-Cherokee, know how much I appreciate and love you for being a part of My Path. You have been a very living part of my moving forward in life. I miss my Medicine Woman and look forward to speaking with her later on today. I have had a good talk with the Old Kindred Spirit and wish to thank her for being a part of my life and My Path. I thank my wife, She-Who-Stands-Tall and my children for their support...
...daily, I thank you one and all. From my Spirit's to Great Spirit to you. Every one and all.
Today, I look forward to the future and what it is Great Spirit has in store for me. I will continue to fight and battle with these ailments and I commit to communicating via these communiques and share this simple man's journey. Here on My Path.
I have no more to say.
Love, peace and more peace, Mario
Please celebrate with me as the Second Anniversary of this blog, Meniere's Disease, Mario's Path. Two years for some may not be so long, but for me it has been life times. Yes, the title of the blog remains same with the exception of stating My Path, rather than Mario's Path. I wish to leave the name as same because this is the way it all started two years ago today...
...the blog has become more than a simple blog for me. Yes and true, this is a simple blog and I'm a simple sort of fellow. Seen. One with Life's joy's and life's complication's. Issue's of a varying degree, if you wish.
I acknowledge and am fully aware I'm not the only one out here with similar health issues. For I and I, it has been the introduction of Meniere's to my life - My Path. With Meniere's Disease, came the loss of hearing and balance in my left ear. The spectrum of changes that accompanied the diagnosis's. The symptom's that are lived every damned day. The multiple surgeries that I have had since 2009.
Then there's the "C" word shit that pop's up about my body from time to time. From my head to Mr. Wang. And, I would like to share Mr. Wang, is doing excellently well. He moved back in earlier this year after a bit of a long holiday. Oh, we are a genuinely happy bunch.
My personal demons...
...dealing and continuing to battle issues from the Incest and Sexual Abuse I suffered and survived through as a wee young one, as an adolescent, a young Man and now, having to deal with an Elders molesting ways. His perpetuation of perpetrating sexual offenses - time and fucking time again are beginning to wear thin on me. I'm fifty two years old! What the hell?
NOTE: He-Who-Touched-My-Brain's assistant has just called. My scheduled appointment has been moved from Friday the 17 to Tuesday 14 August 2012. My friend, He-Who's-From-The-South, has filled my hopes that I will be forced in at 1230. In one hand I am pleased, in the other the uncertainty.
So, I sit here and we have a talk...
...please, if I may? You, the readers have read and been witness to my life. It's trials and tribulation's, my ups and downs. You have read about the physical ailments besides them mentioned earlier. There's the high Blood Pressure, my battle with Sugar Diabetes, the hospitalizations for the pneumonia's and the diagnosis COPD.
I have taken and have eaten so many medications I am unable to ramble them off at this moment. Anti-This and Anti-That's. The psycotrophic's that took control of my body functions. Them so tiny and those larger than a horse pill. Me and my medications. My pills and I.
It is you, my guest's, who have read my talk of the emotional matters that have had to be dealt with on a daily basis. A quite regular basis indeed. You have learnt about my MPD. I'll never forget being told by a psychologist in a group environment that I was more difficult than Sybil. You have lived and seen me through my very words. Many would remember the contemplation of suicide. Many remember the liters and liters of tears I have shed over all I have shared here on My Path.
My Relatives, I must say thank you to each and every guest who has ever clicked onto this blog. It is because of the thousands and thousands of guests that I am humbled beyond any state of being ever experienced by this simple Man. I thank Brian and Kathy, for planting the seed in my heart and Spirit in this thick and hard skull. I am forever grateful to you both. Please, She-Who-Lives-With-The-Cherokee, know how much I appreciate and love you for being a part of My Path. You have been a very living part of my moving forward in life. I miss my Medicine Woman and look forward to speaking with her later on today. I have had a good talk with the Old Kindred Spirit and wish to thank her for being a part of my life and My Path. I thank my wife, She-Who-Stands-Tall and my children for their support...
...daily, I thank you one and all. From my Spirit's to Great Spirit to you. Every one and all.
Today, I look forward to the future and what it is Great Spirit has in store for me. I will continue to fight and battle with these ailments and I commit to communicating via these communiques and share this simple man's journey. Here on My Path.
I have no more to say.
Love, peace and more peace, Mario
Thursday, August 9, 2012
Sikh Temple Terror
Relations,
There is something I wish to share with you real quick like...
...I am certain that most of our Civilized World listened and or read about the terror and horror of a gunman here in the U.S. attacking and murdering Sikh's in there place of worship In Milwaukee, WI. this past Sunday. This dog killed six Innocent people! My fellow Earth Mates and he met his fate there where he slaughtered these Kindred.
I consider his killing a right and good thing for this country and the victims. I am pleased he will not be alive to live, eat, and receive shelter in this country. It is a sad thing that the Elder of the Temple was unable to kill this dog with the knife he used to protect his followers. I am saddened by his death and the deaths of the innocent one's.
Please understand that this dog is not a martyr! He is swine! He is a dog and belongs in Hell.
I bring this bit of talk up because of what was printed in today's Tampa Bay Times. Relegated to second page news with a very brief note. I shall share this with you now...
Elsewhere:
Milwaukee: "Wade Michael Page, the gunman who killed six people at a Sikh temple Sunday, committed suicide by shooting himself in the head after he was wounded in the stomach by police gunfire, the FBI disclosed Wednesday."
That's it! That's all! If these six people had been white people in a Catholic church last Sunday, it would still be Front Page news. It would still be talked about on radio and television. I know.
Besides, this fool did not commit suicide - once he shot the police officer, the dog was "open season" for the police responding. I just hope that he had more than two bullet wounds. I hope he suffered. The bastard lost his right to breathe air once he pulled the first trigger.
May he suffer in Hell for eternity.
There is something I wish to share with you real quick like...
...I am certain that most of our Civilized World listened and or read about the terror and horror of a gunman here in the U.S. attacking and murdering Sikh's in there place of worship In Milwaukee, WI. this past Sunday. This dog killed six Innocent people! My fellow Earth Mates and he met his fate there where he slaughtered these Kindred.
I consider his killing a right and good thing for this country and the victims. I am pleased he will not be alive to live, eat, and receive shelter in this country. It is a sad thing that the Elder of the Temple was unable to kill this dog with the knife he used to protect his followers. I am saddened by his death and the deaths of the innocent one's.
Please understand that this dog is not a martyr! He is swine! He is a dog and belongs in Hell.
I bring this bit of talk up because of what was printed in today's Tampa Bay Times. Relegated to second page news with a very brief note. I shall share this with you now...
Elsewhere:
Milwaukee: "Wade Michael Page, the gunman who killed six people at a Sikh temple Sunday, committed suicide by shooting himself in the head after he was wounded in the stomach by police gunfire, the FBI disclosed Wednesday."
That's it! That's all! If these six people had been white people in a Catholic church last Sunday, it would still be Front Page news. It would still be talked about on radio and television. I know.
Besides, this fool did not commit suicide - once he shot the police officer, the dog was "open season" for the police responding. I just hope that he had more than two bullet wounds. I hope he suffered. The bastard lost his right to breathe air once he pulled the first trigger.
May he suffer in Hell for eternity.
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