Relations.
One must remember to click on the SAVED button from time to time. I just lost some words from my Heart and Spirit's and suppose the vibe would be same now as it was before somehow wiping out an entire paragraph or two. I am real big on the Save thing because of early classes that were required when computers really started to hit business and home. Guess I got too involved with what was in mind and the speed my fingers only wish they could tap-tap as fast as the shit comes to mind. I've tip-tapped so much, yet am still such a novice. Saved.
Tonight I speak of home, myself and Kinfolk who have a tough time remembering these issues I have had with the loss of hearing and continuation of loss, for only a few years now. And as such, too much negativity has been building up and stirred with the continuation of the loss of hearing in my Right Ear. It remains so that in a sleep, I am unable to hear a telephone not two feet from my face. Keep in mind I am completely deaf on the Left...
...I can not "hear" while laying down on my right side. It is not my fault that my hearing has decided to go as bad it has gotten. It just has and continues to do so. There is no control or wishing this away. Between this and the sudden loss of all hearing episodes that I get frequently, it is no wonder the depression I have cuts deep. Too deep.
Thing's become alot more clearer once one has heard or experianced the negative energies that comes from those who do hear normally. Kinfolk especially...
...and it is I to let all Relations know at this moment, that I must continue to be subjected to the attitudes of others when I it is necessary to ask, "please repeat that", or "no, I didn't hear you", or something as simple as just a "please say it again", sends Kinfolk into a really ugly fucking mess. Which I permit to provoke a counter attack against these folks...
...shit, I really don't want to lose anymore hearing. I take these attacks personally because I am the one losing the Hearing and really do not understand.
It becomes my fault when someone walks into my dark yet safe, my bed room while I sleep and have my legs brushed and words spoken that I could not hear nor define. It is because I reacted in a horrified manner that the One, who did this was permitted to grow angry and curse me becuase I did not know who the fuck it was at my lower extremities, in the dark with-out a verbal notice. Or at least some form or sort of sound making that would respectfully awaken me.
Yesterday, while shopping at Wally World, I had a person of known relationship, creep up on me from behind - to touch me inappropriately and with raised voice utter some shit I forgot moments later, because this person of known relationship, scared and startled me so bad - so much, I screamed aloud! Loudly and in "public"! Look, really, ONE just never creeps up on a Deaf person or a person who is Hard of Hearing. I mean, I really thought this was common sense, respect and dignity for a person with these disablilties. What in the fuck was she thinking? And then, this person has the fucking nerve to say later, "I have noticed how you scare so much easier lately"...
...oh yeah, really! This shit is too fucked up to be made up. So I have once again established boundaries with both of the before mentioned. As well as the one who wants to play fake American Sign language or the rude ones who insist on whispering.
It's all simple as ABC, really. I have been recieving books and magazines for Hearing Loss and one other publications for two to three years. NOT ONCE HAVE I EVER SEEN ONE PERSON PICK UP ONE TO READ AN ARTICLE. NOT ONCE! When One person in a family has Hearing problems - the whole family has Hearing problems. Fact.
Now, and sadly, there is rubbish going on because of Kinfolks holding in stuff that would be best communicated straight away rather than locked up. I have some responsibilty in this piece because I may have communicated more and even possibly more effective with conversations of the past. With this and these, there will be follow up's to take place. I must ensure this, because what I am "hearing" now is this, "Oh yeah, we said this on such and such" or "Really, we talked about this last week". Ummmmmmmmmmmmmmm.......
No. The fuck we have not! Not if you or someone has not made contact with me. Have MY attention when you begin to speak with me! Look onto my face and into my eye's when you speak, so that I have a better chance of hearing your words and or at least being able to read your lips and body language...
...which seems to be coming along to me more and more naturally.
Reading LIPS, not fucking MINDS!
We have taken one step towards making my enviroment a bit safer and surer today. Brenda and I purchased our "first" piece of equipment which will help me hear the door bell when there is a guest, or UPS or the USPS or a neighbour at the front door. Until, today, while sitting right here at this desk, I had been unable to hear someone ring the front door or knock on the front door. This piece of equipment is a wireless additional door bell that we have placed in the middle of our house. It is very loud and sounds like church bells, ding-ding-ding-dong like. Oh yes, I am so happy! I mean really, we have finally busted a move on getting these tools to make life a little less scarey, alot more secure and safe, and most importantly more aware that someone is at my front door. Yes. I am happy.
All I need is some understanding, love, respect and dignity. As it would be if I wore those other shoes...
...or is it because "I" am the Deaf and Hard of Hearing one.
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