Oh wait a minute. Yes, I see some thing's a bit clearer now. And as if it all makes sense, it's all coming back quite clear to me.
Maybe this is why I cry.
It is I who am the disabled one. No matter how much I wish - no matter how hard I try to fight. It is I who have this disease Meniere's, and the one who labours to breath at times. I am the one with the emotional issues. Also all of those other diseases of odds-n-ends and this and that's. It is I, who am unable to work. I am the one dependant on others for transport...
...the embarrassment of having to ask...
...because I can't drive my auto. Not anymore...
...the shame that comes with the "need" and getting the "hand out's" from the goverment. The utter disgust having to go look in somebody's face when it comes to my medical issues and other what-not's and I. Ashamed to have to beg, "Yes Sah, Mr. Goverment Person". "No Ma'am, Miss. Goverment Lady". Keep that damned smile on boy!
Maybe, is this why I cry?
Don't bump into things. Not anymore Mr. Human Bumper Car, please. Please, just please, don't let I get struck by a meniere's attack in public.
I am the one with no hearing on this side, that I pick up odd noises and sounds from. And bad hearing on that side. The one that is getting worse as time goes on by...
...I am the one who can't walk a straight line while using a freaking walker. It is I with this balance and coordination issue.
Don't fall, Dude. Because, as I have learned by the experiance I had in The-Hospital-Named-After-My-Home-State, FALLS, DON"T FUCKEN MATTER! As horrific and gut wrenching as these are, that hospital taught me where falling is on their scale of Patient Safety, and Patient Care...
...it also made me aware of where this scale "is" with other people too.
I have learned this and speak it honestly...
...as long as it is "I" and not "you", in this spot, we're all good. I see this now.
These are the reasons I cry.
p.s. Falling is letting gravity have it's way with you. It's simple like that, you see?
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