Hello,
I've been thinking lately that post procedures, after surgery, and such, I could really wish and hope for a nice trip out of here, my medical exile. Out of town to feel, breath and sense the energy of others in other community's, villages or a town. I just really require a medically necessary holidays for this patient. Somewhere - West, anywhere, North East, while remaining here in my South Eastern some place please. Any place other than these offices, clinic's, and hospitals I visit on a fairly busy basis, if it is not one establishment, another after another. There have times when I have had to schedule three appointments in on week. Back-to-Back-to-Back, and that is grueling Sisters. Yes, I am a frequent flyer patient on our awesome special Buses and Vans for disabled Folks, and due to my health reasons and issues, I have been afforded the opportunity to take the Small Blue Buses here in town, and this mode of transportation is an awesome mode of transport.
In my heart it seems as such so much has changed. Yet really, not so much has changed from my life at all. Then flip-it to the B-Side, and there isn't shit changed! Huh? Yes, I'll always have Meniere's Disease and the brief case full symptoms and shit that belongs to Meniere's. I'll forever carry this pail over flowing with a liters illnesses, diseases, and the what-not. So yes, it is time I take a closer look and will be taking more care of myself, where is it that we are going as a team and then follow each and every doctor as the doctor leads me. Sadly, there will always be the odd folk in the medical health care business playing their games and I have not too long ago have learned and decided to over look these folks and their poor attitudes. There attitudes are not mine and I am not going to let them be one's who play with my emotions, as this shit just happens to have happened on too many multi levels of my life. I mean wait, I have been sick so long that my mind is getting sick and tired of being sick and in pain. What the hell?
I am one who has always fought and fought freaking hard to keep from becoming a statistic on any body's Top Ten. No. Yes. I mean to say that I am not comfortable wearing these shoes and don't know if I'll ever be able to be okay like this. Live like this. Be like that? Am I here already?
Come on, Ma'am, I see myself in the mirror and I see the change in my physical appearance. How I have changed in features over this past five or six years, I take a step back to see my droopy left eye, this one that went gimp when I did back after the period of many necessary cuts and snips. This is the one left eye that goes gimpy closed from time to time, my skeleton knows and understands what had happened, and I understand this, but you see, I have one doctor in this hand who says this is this, and then on the very other hand I have one other doctor who says that it is that, from the other clinic. So, I try my damned best to keep calm and move along. My Doctors are my Leader's, they lead and I follow. I do feel I am all shook up, hell yeah, I am. I am a grown ass fellow, and feel like a child being led by the hand to go see doctor! Oh! I'm such a fine and sweet, grand boy! Oh sure, all of this is based on a true story, you know? So I say, well you then my friends, and members of my Better Health Team, say a little prayer for me.
My Friends, all of this preparation's, talk and plans have all made me provide too much space in here to ruminate on the potential that I am being prepared for some sort of laboratory examination. As if I am permitting and letting us play guinea pig on me is an honor, but Lord Please, let some body hear my words when I speak and share about me shaking while entering deep stages of sleep. As in, for the preparation for sleep and then I have the twitches that bring me back from wherever I went to while in the beginning stages of meditations. Sometimes twitched in such an utter surprise that it is startling to me. Yeah, another something and another oddity that can scare the paleness from this mixed blood's skin and face. BOOM! Instant pale! Similar, yes to the instant Meniere's attack! Out of No Where!
I have to go lay down. Yes, I'll fight sleep, just sweating like badly out of the clear. Same ole shit.
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