Fog I've Walked In, Pain And,

Greetings to All Guests,

I have to stop this fog so thick that I have had to squint as I walked my path the past two weeks or so, the past month? All I can say is that I have prepared or maybe have a ill prepared communiques here in the blogs of my library. There has been so much confusion, so much mixed emotions that I can best sum it up by using a new term for me that describes exactly what it is I feel when I become, Mario, The Zombie-Who-Doesn't-Eat-Brains. When I am so full of full blown Smokey Mountain Fog and fogged, messed up so bad there were times I was hearing what I wasn't hearing. Meaning I would be listening to someone talk and misunderstand them so bad, I heard a totally different comment or two. I have been and was so confused I simply didn't know which way to go. For a spell, which way was up. There has been so much to say, so much to share that I have let days and days pass me by without connecting with any body about the going's on in my life. I did keep in touch with a very small intimate group of Kin, and I maintained contact with my therapist Sir. Dude. Friends, yes my eyes have shed way too many tears, maybe way too much tears from these brown/hazel eyes of mine. Don't know if I've ever shared this but, my left eye works differently than my right eye. It cries differently, when this eye tears up, I'm too surly sad. Now that It passes threw, It's like since the operations on my scalp, skull, my-move-the-brain, so many snips and cuts, the slit the ears, left and right, fold it over for a snit-it. There was drilling, which would have been for my BAHA, the sawing and cutting and going's on created a sack of stuff in here that ended up fouling and intercepting the passes from one nerve to another.

The majority of operations and procedures have been conducted on the left side of my face/head/scalp/skull and like that too. I had one or two one the right side, but Hanna, I know that it was my nerves, veins, and all that is neurology got all mixed up and all criss-crossed in the healing process. It's clear to me and it is this quite thick, hard ass skull of mine that has created so many an issue. Oh please, you don't know how many times I have considered my dear doctors place to be when it came time to doing what he had to do with my scalp and skull. He-Who-Touched-My-Brain, was so very impressed with the thickness and difficulty in cutting threw my hard head. "The thickest he's ever had", my doctor shared. I am the victor!

So yes, I see something a bit clearer today, I see that this healing process is still going on. So yeah, , I realized just recently really, while on the telephone with Great Spirit, that there could be a scenario where what I have now is a best case scenario. Now? Then, in my head and what lays between these two ears of mine, I have plans and I have dreams and hopes and then.

So then, I must doubt with every cell within me, that creates me, there is better than what I live now! There must be! Folks, I'm just too young to understand that this can just be 'it'. Shit, there's work to be done! My Team and I, have work to get done this year 2014. I am hopeful and prayerful that we will have an awesome, successful and healing 2014.

I'm stopping here. I do want to take a look at what I have been writing during this ole goats dreadful mind block. Created by a fog that had zero visibility. The damned pain's and diseases that have created this thick damned fog day after day in my thick brick/block skull. My great day, let me loose and get to work. Caio!