Maybe Now

Maybe now, I might realize that I have to stop thinking-so-much for a spell. I reckon, I let some things go to far, that went too far, and have gone too far. I am steadfast in my self-inventory and decision that it is because I think too much, that I have thought too much, I am wearisome, and am the ruminator of the year. For shits sake. There have been and are so too many thoughts, ideas, and concepts popping up all over my two brains. In way's, it is good that I have slept so much, I am tired and exhausted by this Meniere's and the symptoms that tag along, and am as exhausted from the varied panic attacks that have snuck back into my life, rendering me an individual in need of assistance. These times of difficultly, with the Meniere's Disease, the neurological and cervical issue pain, and pulmonary issues, even my Spirit's are weary.

Maybe now, I withdraw from these occupants of my brain's a spell. It is urgent to recall that I do not always have to say the 'yes' word, that it is alright for me to say no. What? My life has been that of a hard working, pleasing person, very rarely ever saying 'no'. I was never taught how to say no as a child, pretty much not a word in my verbiage. Always the 'yes' man, heck yeah, we can do that! Yes Sir., Yes, Ma'am. Yes, Boss.

Maybe now, the yes, yes, yes, is no more. I remind myself that I am Human and of Spirit. The Warrior Way's within my core have strengthened the instinct to continue along my present path, with the ways of My Path. Dad, always did call us late bloomer's. Seen.

Maybe now, I share now that I dislike having to live in a state of constant pain. There is nothing more we can do, so I am left to live in painful manner's. I am unsure how it is I should approach this matter, as I have been informed by two physicians that I am at maximum capacity with the injections and medications. What The Fuck? I have been the patient to refuse and say "no" to  medicines that created havoc within my body and mind. Maybe now, I clarify, I don't want any more  fucking pills, tablets, capsules, compounds, and or injections! I don't. My doctor's all, know this about me. I just want all of this pain to go away, to just go away. No? No, yes.