15 January 2011

Thus far today, the sounds have been rather quiet. My deaf left ear is silently glad and my right-good-bad-ear, with a lower range of hearing than usual, has a low humming sound that began minutes ago...

...dizziness and nausea are low at this time and do not require medications. What a wonderful relief. As a gift!

Unfortunately, am home alone and am feeling the thought's move in... The lodge is as silent as my ear's and I feel vulnerable today. No, I don't know why I feel this vulnerable. Sometimes when I keep my mind and hands busy I am able to disengage whatever processes are lurking about the innards of mine brain...today, it's not working so good. That's why I decided to jump on this real quick like. So, I try to keep these fingers and keys tapping away...

There is something in my mind and Spirit's that I permit to continue to hurt and trouble me. Yes-yes, I probably have made comments before but, in my mind it does not make sense for a friend or friends to up and stop being friends. I've been in the company of relations who have "divorced" their relations, but damn, maybe there were reasons, I don't know. I tend to respect other folks way of thinking - way of being. It's tough for me to deal with an ending of relations/friendship when I don't know what the matter seems to be...

...it's so not cool. I suspect there are things that happen in life. I wonder if this has something to do with my being deaf and gimpy. I contemplate the worst on their behalf, are my buds sick, are my relations dieing? I don't know. But, maybe it is time for me to let them go. Yes, I know...

...there's just something about good-by's.

Sir Dude! Pardon me for not calling you. I have slept much of this week away and I let the sleep interfere with our communications. I shall call on this Monday. Thank you for our gathering on Thursday past. I do want to share something with you though, it seems as if I left there in a place different than when I arrived to your office. Um, not bad, but not good neither. I left feeling as if a task was left incomplete. Yes, I know this happens in therapy, Sir Dude. Just not with us please.

Had a fantastic converstion with Him-Who-Lives-Far-Away on the yesterday. I am thankful to Great Spirit, for providing me with such a Kindred Warrior. I feel certain that my well being is attended to daily by him and it is a warm and good feeling in my heart to know this...

...as it is a warm and good feeling to know there are so many Kindred and Relations, who have worked with me for so long in this war against Meniere's Disease. Thank you to Him-Who-Lives-Far-Away! Thank you to He-Who-Touched-My-Brain and your loving staff! Thank you Sir Dude! Thank you to Dr. Psych and the lady's! Thank you to He-Who-Knows-The-Laws and your caring staff...

...most importantly, THANK YOU! to every member of my Relations for what you do and for all you have done. Please understand, on the outside I may not be the same me, but inside this shell, my Spirit's are very much alive and want to live! I want to LIVE OUT LOUD! Please, please, don't throw the towel in on me...I've got another good twenty-five birthdays left and I don't want to stop moving forward. Make it thirty? Who knows?

I do know that I see my Path ahead of me, thus shall walk this Path. One day, one step at a time...

...peace...