Did in fact meet with my therapist Sir Dude, this morning...an incredible gathering and visit. Sir Dude, was prepared and engaged interesting conversation. I was a mess, but, was able to vent and really have a good talk. His face to my face and eye to eye, was able to explain how it is in fact a part of my therapy, to speak of, discuss and talk of the sexual abuse being perpitrated against me in this most rescent past. It is in fact of my patient history, en'it? I believe he agreed. Today's visit...Sir Dude, Grade A and I, Grade D. Um, shit, I've got to get ahold of myself! The bloody crying and raising of voices. Oh, and, I feel as if I let my Sir Dude, a part of my Mental Health Care Team down today...
Met with Dr. Psych, in the early afternoon. Dr. Psych's staff was able to coordinate this face to face today...we agreed yesterday that it was to my best interest to have a "face to face" and not a Via Tele. Doc. took me off Pill-with-Sick-Side-Effects and has taken me on a different route with another type and form of a not-a-pill. Yes, it is an antipsychotic drug and I began the process tonight. Dr. Psych and I had a bit longer than usual talk. I can not say I left there feeling better today, yet am able to say, when I left, my shoes fit me quite differently...which, on my Path, is a good thing. Dr. Psych, A and I a C-. Yes, I feel as if I have let this team mate down too. I put myself in the position to tell the truth about the strong desire to hurt and punish my self.
It's just been one of those days...
Today, I was put in the position where I was unable to rest and sleep off these post vertigo attack symptoms...I am completly exhausted, I ache and am sore, dizzy, nauseated and am about to go to sleep and dream land. I prepare for rest...and very much look forward to it.
On a curious note, I have not visited the rest room today. So I have no report on that subject. Maybe tomorrow?
...one step at a time...I walk the Path...
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