The Sweat Lodge In My Center

Greeting's,

I sit here in an air conditioned house with a ceiling fan that sounds like it's going to propel off the ceiling and shred me to bits and pieces. I am sweating too much - along with the dizzy spells, these are my primary complaints at this instant. Nausea has spent another day here at home. Like a roomie with oddities that we depend on to pay bills - I have searched low and high and have not bean able to find our lease and agreements. If only I could be rid of these foul and fucked up symptoms that create such an uncomfortable physical disposition. Sometimes it is a battle to find a place in my day when I am able to totally disengage from this Meniere's Disease rubbish and it's "A through Z", list of symptoms and life issues. This, the 'Land of Sleep', has found it's way back into my day-to-day's,  which over the course of time become sad days. And I just really don't want to be firkin sad any more. I am tired of being tired and am down trodden from my self and my own verbal abuse. The punishment I give my selves are nothing you've ever heard of or seen. Time and time again, the cycle continues. This is Circle in nature and my life that very seriously can be so "Ground Hog Day". My Dear God? Now, You know that I know You know I know that We know this hurts and alienates me even more from what I am working on in life and My Path. I've been taking chances and am pushing the envelope like mad to keep things from getting all-meniere's-upped, but my Kindred, this Human shell, this very body of mine is sad from the aches and pains and falling and sleep and nausea and vomiting...

...I am sweating sitting here as if it was warm in the house, I would so like to retreat to my safe place and lay under that giant air plane propeller that swishes just feet above my mattress. If I were to stand on my bed - for whatever reason, I would receive a bash on the head and or face or teeth. We are so close that I am able to reach the chain-that-dangles with my left foot to turn on the lights and or adjust the fan. Yes, really. Ha! My dearest wife thinks it's funny as hell too...

...the sweat lodge within my Center is working over time tonight. That and the faking Meniere's.

The sounds tonight are running extra loud and long. No breaks, for Fucks Sake! I wonder if maybe these damned noises can create this sweat that I am now able to feel slide down the back of my skull and down my neck. I am able to feel the nausea between my throat and my stomach. Like stuffs stuck there in my food passage way. So gross how this shit can make me feel. I want to sleep more but no I don't.

My Deaf Left ear just heard a Police whistle outside the window here next to me. No, I'm not and no I won't. A fucking whistle!? Next? Off the chop of my head I do not remember the - WAIT! I have called them Coach whistles! True. True. So yes, I have had this sound symptom before. A loud whistle being heard by a Deaf ear. Now,that's some incredible shit right there.

I think I'll have to medicate. Please, pardon me. Right. Now then, no, I said I wouldn't, but yes I have. Best thing for me right? That's why the doctor ordered them Brenda says. Right?

I am calling a time out now. I am very uncomfortable and am growing more and more symptomatic with the Meniere's bull shit and the strong urge to purge and fall off to sleep and Dream World.

Cheerfully, I retire to my safe place. Good night, you all. My dear guest's.