Greetings Kindred One's,
Tomorrow shortly past noon, I will have a gathering with Sir. Dude, my trusted therapist. Transportation was handled yesterday and I have received my purchased HARTPlus passes in today's post, so I am excited to know that I'll be able to make my appointments. To know I'll be out for a brief spell is really nice too.
I plan on a vigorous face-to-face. It is just about that time for an excellent mental floss and depending on how things go - I just may go ahead and have a mental enema. These scenes are not unfamiliar to me as I have been in many a therapist office for sure. I'm not boasting, it's just one of those things that is a part of my history and also runs within both sides of my Kinfolks. I've just never mentioned it before. Please, I've had more Kinfolk commit suicide than many Clans I am familiar with. The strains of family ignorance's are incredibly heavy and I can only carry so much weight for just such a period of time - then the damned dam bursts wide open filling the mind, emotions and Spirit's with an array of confusing messages. That, and the run of the "All American Dysfunctional Multi Generational Family DNA" marker that indicates with an asterisk...
*May have issues dealing with Trauma's!
How silly of me to think that there were so many Folks that had their shit together. What awesome performances by so many. There's no reason to lie or wear more than one face with me! For Pete's sake, we're all grown ass Folk here and I must deal with perpetual pathological liars? Come on! I have been so very vulnerable with so many of you out there and have had hours long talks of those traumas. The rapes, sexual abuses, the nightmares and terror's, and so many of those physical illnesses that are manifested by keeping a life worth of force fed bull cock stuffed in my mind and gut! I saw, heard and tasted to much as a child. All of which could have been avoided if one of those Adults within my Kinfolk, would have said something. Maybe if I talked? I have often wondered if God is punishing me now for not speaking up and telling someone what was happening to me. By family, time after time and by their "friends" of the family. Please, and now today?
I mentioned taking back my power in an earlier communique. I see just how valuable it is that I do accomplish this for the remainder of my blessed days on Earth Mother. I have wasted too much time and energy in life spreading the forces of positive energy, love and peace for others, success and good health just to have them look in my eyes and lie with their face to my face.
That Catholic boy inside of me knew I was going to hell at six or seven. He says to forgive. How the fuck can I if I can't forgive myself? Or them, who perpetrated against me? Or them who didn't do one damned thing to save any of my brothers or sisters?
Yes, maybe an enema will suffice. I am able to see where it is I am headed. Seen.
No comments:
Post a Comment