Ya-Hey! All Relations!
Welcome, and welcome back to my path. Please grab a cup of espresso, kick back, rest your feet and breathe with me a while. I have this desire to connect and this sensation is strong. I feel its physicality's bull's eye on my heart and simply wish to be here a spell.
Please Note: This communique was initially composed on 21 December 2012. Pardon me for the delay, my lack of contact and of the lack of connection's I so eagerly desire. There has been issue's with balance for too-too many days now. Most of the stumbles are made from within, but many are incidents in the bath or bedroom. Then the yard. I am not here today though to speak of Gardening, I am here today to discuss an imbalance from within - between this deaf and good-bad-ear, you see? I leave this communique as it was conveyed on the 21st. And now, I say no more, say no more...
The meniere's has been active today, so active I have slept to keep my mind from getting all smooshy with the depression stuff. I don't want to be sad or blue, please God, tell my Kindred that what I share is real and truths that spill easily from my spirits. As is bleeding and then letting it bleed out. Sometimes, the more blood the better the cleanse. (I wish to share more about blood in a minute or two) The heavy gloom, like a thick London Fog, will surely have the Sun break through it. I do get sad and blue and yes, sometimes down right depressed, but there's something alive that is a very part of who I am today. I share with you that through-out my brief life I have shared an energy and positive being that has to have been a Gift from God. My God...
...the sleep came early as I saw and was hearing what type of morning was in store. The nausea's here at the point where my neck meets my chest. Smack dab between the two rounded points of my shoulder blades. Non active thus far today. I am dizzy and am quite uncomfortable with it. It is a disgusting thing to feel intoxicated dizzy and have had no cocktails. No, this is not fun nor is it funny. Imagine this scene in your shoes, please? walking about as if tipsy. Bumping into walls, door arches, cabinetry and furniture - EVEN though a path way has been created for me for 'safe' passage through this long house of seven windows. On days like today even my paths are a danger. The noises have been troublesome since waking early this morning and then also since waking from the four hour sleep to disengage from this damned sounds that accompany my meniere's. I have had this odd computer sounding "click" in my deaf left. Random too. Not steady or with pattern, just 'click' every once in a bit. Beeps, beep. My right ear has pain and has a funnel sounding affect to it this afternoon. Oh yes! Last night and for the first time, I experienced something that sounded like what I could imagine an echo chamber sounding like. There was a 'very' echo-ish affect and quality to my hearing. The television tube was a no go, really foul sounding so I listened to music and turned Janet Jackson up real loud. All the while spiders and worms danced and squirmed about my head. Remember? Oh, how I wish that Doc, our team and I could do something with this meniere's madness! I wish!
I wish this new year, 2013, the year of many new and awesome break through, will teach me to better disengage, remind me to disengage in healthy and right good ways as I teach my those and them who are the students.
I wish my country continued success with the economy and ecology too. To many people here preoccupy their good time and mind with worry and concern about other countries having good sound economy. I prayed for these country's as a fellow Human Spirit. As I pray for the people's of the United State of America. Maybe now, America, this Government for the people by the people will soon open their collective eyes and ears. THEN, to begin taking care of America first! Feed our peoples! Shelter our Homeless and rebuild urban centers which would ease the destruction of Earth Mother on our shores and mountains. WE, as Americans need to remind this government that they are elected officials and are employed because the American peoples voted so. Our White led government forgets. America, there has to be a return to our Country's way-it-is-written. Not the way this America has been led, for centuries by the majority white ruled government. Soon, change come. I see it and have smelled it too...
...soon will come a time when people's say what people's have to say. I talk. I speak and yes, I do listen. So much so that I would wish all American people could talk and speak, and not fear persecutions, prosecution, prejudice or hatred. Or judgement...
...as it is I do. Sometimes with my talks, I say simply what must be said. Many grow angry with my simple words. I simply say and said it because I meant to say it. By the way, I even think twice before I speak. Sometimes I think three times over even. Too many took advantage of my silence. All of so too many 'Yester-year's'.
Know that the way for me now is to speak. Have talks. Share what living with Meniere's is like and what it can and does do to the lives of Folk. Yet, I am not satisfied. I attempt to convey an essence of what it is I go through. What it is I experience and really, I have no reason to paint pretty pictures of this invisible shitty disease. It wouldn't be true. I have had Folk complain because what I share is too harsh. Well, harsh is where I live and why fucking lie?
Too many judges forget their lips and multi-faces have told many stories. Some forget what lie was said last - so I must by-pass connection with these sort. No, I say, many will grow with me and or will continue their paths as they wish. It is their prerogative, not mine Honey's. Time be now, it is time that I speak and let the steps go with the beat of the thump of the drum called my heart. I have nothing to gain by putting on masks and laughing and eating with others who occupy their time with talking shit behind one and other back's. Please? I am happy being and living in a what-you-see is what-you-get mode. I say over and over, I am who I am. Please, let me share this, if a 'friend' or a member of my clan take issue with me, please let it be you to move on from around me. I DO NOT wish to hear back stabbing because that's a very old song by the "O'Jay's". I have none desire to listen to boastings. Many Folk, remained Silent while and stood by as my brothers and sisters were being abused - not a one, no one, none have approached me on this subject.
No. None. No one. Not a one.
I wish my brothers and sisters of this country, justice. True Equal Opportunity. For All of America's People's. Gay, Bi? Why?, Lesbian, Black, Brown, Red, White and Mr. Jackson's Rainbow of People's! You see,I was that Mixed Breed Kid on the blocks, the one with the knotty hair. The one sexually abused and raped and incested, feckin' right there on the street I was raised on. It was necessary that as a child I was just forced to suck more than too much or too many and was taught to swallow, by the age of four or five. Actively, by the age of six. Look America, whether anyone wants to see the big purple elephant on this screen or not, but, I know that since the youngest of my younger years, I've been called faggot. Sissy. Punk? Shit, and even much-much worse than that by my own Kinfolk. That wasn't new nor is it new to this day. Matter of a fact, I don't really care what one should call me as along there be a Mister attached to such a term. Seen? Seen...
...when I speak or have talk about the Races, I do so with my Spirit's. The forthright thought process requires that I speak the truth. I do not make fun of nor do I ridicule the White's in my Kinship. These are my clan, my kinfolk, and kindred One's. I have the DNA of the White Peoples. Some of my most beloved kinfolk are white and are the People's of My Mothers Father. I do love White people, I really just do not respect what I perceive to be the brain washing's of so many People in this U.S. of A. The propaganda is classic White Folks stuff, you know, politics and favoring One Race Over Another Race. The 1%'er and the 47 percentages. Please, say Seen. Nor do I favor the History of what the White People have represented on this Land. You see, once I was able to Vote, I voted a Gay Slate. I knew even then that the elected officials on a Gay, Black, or Latino slate - just No Whites. When someone like me got into office I felt they were looking out for the entire community, county, our state or country by our president. Ever so rarely have I fallen for the White Man's political bull shit and propaganda. Though I say now, I have been burned by it's flame's of ignorance. Oddly enough, I do not know if any of those above mentioned titles would apply to me, now that I think about it. Not anymore Honey. And I do say this, I am a happily married man, 32 years strong with two extraordinary and beautiful daughter's. I am who I am.
I love the way it all does sort of flow together in a random beautiful rainbow of energy that is me.
I also wish all peoples success in their endeavours and good health.
America, I wish for a year with less blood shed. Here, first of all. Less violence. Great Spirit, please Bless the Children. I wish for the blood letting in Syria to come to an end too. Please God. I wish same for the Congo. Somalia. Uganda. The countries where our troops are being killed and lamed, I wish they all come home safely. Soon. I wish for justice to be served swiftly to them who lead and or govern them who kill fellow Earth Beings. These individuals who cold hearted and with total evil intentions slaughter their fellow country Men and Women and our Children. There is much debate and too much talk by many out here in a society near me. Much is U.S. propaganda. So many believe their matters-of-the-heart are more important than the beliefs of their brother or sister or neighbour or president, that they become blinded by it. Blood shed is the same colour in America as it is in Africa...
...my mind races with the scenes of terror and horror from the mass murders that take place here in America, time after time and time and time again. This government keeps fires burning else where to disguise what it is going on right here in our own back yards. The press print talk about "Black on Black" crime here. The News talk same and discuss percentages as their 'living proff. But, what I do see and read is "White on White" wanton slaughter. White on White Crime? This is same thing the White peoples have done throughout our country's history. Come eight days from today, the sad and bitter occasion of the memories of what occurred at Wounded Knee back on that cold and bitter Winter's day. When one speaks of Genocide, it is truly truth that this country, My Country, has committed Genocide after Genocide. The proff is in the writing that Kindred left behind. Black Elk Speaks, is an awesome read and the Right Good Black Elk was sadly a witness to the horror that was Wounded Knee when the U.S. Army slaughtered Women, Children and The Elders. I am aware this has been heavy in my Spirit's.
Once it is done, to occupy the minds of the peoples, then the country is ruled by the Government - not by the people. This, for now majority White population, of MY home land continue to live in a make believe land of their minds, remain blind because they do not see and do not hear. America, this isn't 19-anything anymore. It is time these White fellow citizens of mine, wrapped in their lives of self-importance, gluttony and greed - perpetuate what it is America is not. We will all follow the Piper...
...Folks like to call it Mob-Mentality. In my head, mob-mentality become civil unrest. Civil unrest becomes Revolution.
Great Spirit, Bless my wishes. Bless my kinfolk all, and my Kindred too. After this period of mourning a new year beckons.
Ya-Hey! Great Spirit! Ya-Hey!
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