Monday, December 31, 2012
Cicada sound effect (2), A Symptom of Meniere's
Yes, for Shits Sake I have found the sound of the Cicada!
Listen to this for a while. Turn the speakers up and just listen...
...do this for a couple of hours and get back to me.
Imagine two in the morning, listening to this while looking up at the ceiling of your bedroom counting the beads stuck up there...
...all else in the world has gone quiet except for these bastards who live between these ears.
Note: I continue to share with others what it is that takes place every damned day of my life - as it was suggested by my therapist, Sir Dude. Thank you for the idea Sir!
My Bedside Table, One Book And Stuff
Hello Relations,
I have Sherman Alexie's latest, "BLASPHEMY", New and Selected Stories on my bedside table. The book is a must read for any fan of Mr. Alexie and is indeed a fine introduction to one of our National Book Award Winner's. I am enjoying this very much and have already decided this will be a re-read, once completed. So entertaining it is to have brand new stories along with some of my all-time favorites. Yes, I am truly enjoying this book very much. Thank yous to my Honorable Number One Daughter for the sweet gift. Between she and I, we have gathered what is the most complete collection of printed Sherman Alexie I have ever seen. Better than any book store - better than even any library I have ever visited. I mean.
There's three post cards that need only a postage stamp and they're ready for posting. I don't know why and yes, I have the postage - it's just one of those things I guess. Come Wednesday...
...also have my journal and a pad of paper attached to a clip board. One neon yellow high lighter and I couldn't find one pen here. Queer? Needless to say, I will have that situated nicely by night fall. There are photos of Brenda and I, done up photo booth style, a framed photo of my children when they were baby's. Stickers for my nieces and nephews too.
There's a faux wooden box on stilts that contains little things I enjoy pulling out just to look at sometimes. There's a couple of my marbles in there. Private stuff. Indian stuff.
I have a standing pose able Woody doll and an old Cowboy Smurf standing next to pictures of Jesus Christ. One small stereo that pounds out a sound, my lamp and compounds, powder, oils and ointments from lands far away from here. Oh yeah, an alarm clock that has an alarm I can't hear sometimes and my cellular device that I never hear while laying in my bed.
My bedside table, one book and stuff.
I have Sherman Alexie's latest, "BLASPHEMY", New and Selected Stories on my bedside table. The book is a must read for any fan of Mr. Alexie and is indeed a fine introduction to one of our National Book Award Winner's. I am enjoying this very much and have already decided this will be a re-read, once completed. So entertaining it is to have brand new stories along with some of my all-time favorites. Yes, I am truly enjoying this book very much. Thank yous to my Honorable Number One Daughter for the sweet gift. Between she and I, we have gathered what is the most complete collection of printed Sherman Alexie I have ever seen. Better than any book store - better than even any library I have ever visited. I mean.
There's three post cards that need only a postage stamp and they're ready for posting. I don't know why and yes, I have the postage - it's just one of those things I guess. Come Wednesday...
...also have my journal and a pad of paper attached to a clip board. One neon yellow high lighter and I couldn't find one pen here. Queer? Needless to say, I will have that situated nicely by night fall. There are photos of Brenda and I, done up photo booth style, a framed photo of my children when they were baby's. Stickers for my nieces and nephews too.
There's a faux wooden box on stilts that contains little things I enjoy pulling out just to look at sometimes. There's a couple of my marbles in there. Private stuff. Indian stuff.
I have a standing pose able Woody doll and an old Cowboy Smurf standing next to pictures of Jesus Christ. One small stereo that pounds out a sound, my lamp and compounds, powder, oils and ointments from lands far away from here. Oh yeah, an alarm clock that has an alarm I can't hear sometimes and my cellular device that I never hear while laying in my bed.
My bedside table, one book and stuff.
Submarine Sonar Sound.flv - A Symptom Of My Meniere's Disease
Relations,
This is another sound that I have written about...
...and have experienced time and time again. Sometimes for hours at a time.
Another noise from between my ears.
Damned Meniere's!
#64 Sound of Crickets Chirping, A Symptom Of Meniere's Disease
Relations,
Continuing on and along with what Sir Dude, my therapist recommended. I again share with you the reader, my Guest, a sound and or noise so that one might be able to conceptualize what it is I hear. In my deaf ear and my right ear. These are the very sounds and noises that occur every day of my life. With this sound of crickets chirping and the cicada sounds as well, these two sadly are no doubt a daily sound of my life.
As a person with Meniere's Disease who is Single Side Deaf, with my BAHA, the Bone Anchored Hearing Aid and being Hard of Hearing in my right ear, I sometimes wish for silence. I don't want to be Deaf! I just want some quiet - outside and inside of my head every once in a while. We all do, right?
As a person who lives daily with this symptom of Meniere's Disease, I must share that the sounds and noises are sometimes so severe that I am distracted by what is going on between these two ears of mine. Distracted from life and My Path.
As a person who wishes for peace and grace, this particular symptom drives me most to cuss and curse! My God, everyday of life to include these very minutes and hours!
Please, turn this up a bit. Now, imagine listening to this sound day after day after day.
Enough said.
2012's Final "Share And Tell It"! Happy New Year!
Relations,
I just had this fantastic idea to throw together a "Share And Tell It"! Damn! This will be the last one for 2012. Well, I reckon that this is sort of fitting and all. Being the last day of the last month of what will soon be last year. 2012, I thank you. Thank you very much.
As I have done in the past I will toss out what ever it is that may come to mind. Sometimes there's a word association thing that kicks in, I think. These will be random and uncensored. It will be sent out as it is words tip-tap onto this keep board. Oh, and no, Honey, I don't do the 101 WPM. I really really do tend to tip-tap-tap my ideas and words out to you all, my Guests. Let me hush, here I go!!!
1. I still love those Tampa Bay Buccaneer's!
2. I feel 2013 in the air. Have seen photo's in my head.
3. I am the proud and loved Dad of two extraordinary Women. My Baby's. My Shero's!
4. My dear bride Botswana, is also my Shero.
5. She has been my Shero for decades. I saw my dear give birth twice. Then, I had my shit cut.
6. Decades yes, but I still see her beautiful face and hear my Botswana's voice as I did at 14.
7. Please, Lucky Seven, let there be a visit to Cherokee for my wife and I in this year 2013.
8. I miss Cherokee as I miss long lost Kin.
9. The spiders have just moved about the left side of my head. In my scalp. Between my skull.
10. I wonder, what if I should cut where I feel them? Would I slay them and stop this madness?!
11. Activity to be increased. Have let too many days pass with little or none.
12. That sucks and I'll take care of this matter. Pinkie Promise!
13. I want a cigarette, but don't smoke.
14. No, I do not want one of those modern electronic cigarettes.
15. My luck is such that I would get eye ball cancer from the "smoke' that puffs away.
16.I see Cherokee in my eye balls. I don't want to lose my eye balls.
17. I love my eye balls. I love my balls.
18. We make our meatballs with our families recipes passed down generation after generation.
19. I do. Um, others I don't know too mucha about them, ya know? Yeah, I know.
20. 2013, is going to be one phenomenal year Kin! Yes! God, has told me so!
21. I want a few chickens for the yard. My Baby's Mama nixes the idea every time! Damn it!
22. I want two or three miniature goat too. Nope, says she. My Georgia Peach.
23. We do have what I refer to as 'The Dogg Pound' though! Three hounds who own the house.
24. We Humans are their roomies, I see.
25. Happy New Year! To each and every one you wonderful Folk, my Guest's. Many Blessing's!
Love, peace and more peace,
me
I just had this fantastic idea to throw together a "Share And Tell It"! Damn! This will be the last one for 2012. Well, I reckon that this is sort of fitting and all. Being the last day of the last month of what will soon be last year. 2012, I thank you. Thank you very much.
As I have done in the past I will toss out what ever it is that may come to mind. Sometimes there's a word association thing that kicks in, I think. These will be random and uncensored. It will be sent out as it is words tip-tap onto this keep board. Oh, and no, Honey, I don't do the 101 WPM. I really really do tend to tip-tap-tap my ideas and words out to you all, my Guests. Let me hush, here I go!!!
1. I still love those Tampa Bay Buccaneer's!
2. I feel 2013 in the air. Have seen photo's in my head.
3. I am the proud and loved Dad of two extraordinary Women. My Baby's. My Shero's!
4. My dear bride Botswana, is also my Shero.
5. She has been my Shero for decades. I saw my dear give birth twice. Then, I had my shit cut.
6. Decades yes, but I still see her beautiful face and hear my Botswana's voice as I did at 14.
7. Please, Lucky Seven, let there be a visit to Cherokee for my wife and I in this year 2013.
8. I miss Cherokee as I miss long lost Kin.
9. The spiders have just moved about the left side of my head. In my scalp. Between my skull.
10. I wonder, what if I should cut where I feel them? Would I slay them and stop this madness?!
11. Activity to be increased. Have let too many days pass with little or none.
12. That sucks and I'll take care of this matter. Pinkie Promise!
13. I want a cigarette, but don't smoke.
14. No, I do not want one of those modern electronic cigarettes.
15. My luck is such that I would get eye ball cancer from the "smoke' that puffs away.
16.I see Cherokee in my eye balls. I don't want to lose my eye balls.
17. I love my eye balls. I love my balls.
18. We make our meatballs with our families recipes passed down generation after generation.
19. I do. Um, others I don't know too mucha about them, ya know? Yeah, I know.
20. 2013, is going to be one phenomenal year Kin! Yes! God, has told me so!
21. I want a few chickens for the yard. My Baby's Mama nixes the idea every time! Damn it!
22. I want two or three miniature goat too. Nope, says she. My Georgia Peach.
23. We do have what I refer to as 'The Dogg Pound' though! Three hounds who own the house.
24. We Humans are their roomies, I see.
25. Happy New Year! To each and every one you wonderful Folk, my Guest's. Many Blessing's!
Love, peace and more peace,
me
Sunday, December 30, 2012
The Cervical Spine, My Scalp, And Meniere's
Kindred,
I see myself sitting here wearing different shoes from three or four days ago. I think they're an awesome pair of comfy moccasin's with fluffy stuff inside to help keep my socked *footage in a safe and comfortable state. Which aids in making 'me' feel safer and more comfortable. There is a daily occurrence that has kept me with shoe or flop-flips to protect these bear claws of mine. Oh, my poor dear wife has sustained multiple wounds which required stitches and once with staples. Poor, poor wife, Botswana! *Note: The writer intended the spelling as such.
And then...
...as I was about to share that every single day of my life I walk into, kick into, stumble into and fall into scenario's that if I had not been wearing protective gear on to my dear Doggy's, I would've had multiple broken toes, ankles, knees and necks.
It's a Meniere's Thang. You wouldn't understand.
And please, I just mentioned neck too! Claude-Have-Mercy! This cervical spine of mine is contributing to some massive uncomfortable times the past few days. I have this three legged wooden massage tool that I massage and pressure point on my neck and scalp. I swear I wish I could reach under my skin to manipulate the muscles, tendons, nerves and skeletal matter on this large Human Shell. These few days have had the neck wish I could have one of those old fashioned type traction contraptions that would provide me the opportunity to stretch my neck while sitting under the arch of a door way. Honey, I would mess around and hang myself by accident in trying to find SOMETHING that will help me with my neck and above it.
Child please.
The "cluster pain's", as they are described at the clinic, are disgusting and random. No, I have conducted a study that has reflected stress is not a factor in these sudden pains from within. I pray for One, who will have the tools to help me find a way of life that would aid and assist me when I feel these miniature explosions between my scalp and skull. Just too many times a day! Everyday are bad days with these matters. Some days better than others, true. The past three or so have been inhumane. I know by having seen with my own two eyes that I look gimpish as hell when out of the blue-damned-clear, I am surprised attacked with what must be some sort of neurological spasm's. I don't know what the hell to call them anymore...
...I feel it a real live fucking torture, really. The only other person that I am aware of who feels the same urgency to assist is He-Who-Touched-My-Brain. My Right Good Doctor. I am the other. What the feck?
The spiders and worms have been plentiful. I suspect the spiders have multiplied, as these are plentiful. These events also have the surprise attacks that very usually catch me completely off guard. And I'll go to into the slapping the side of my head like a fecking monkey, going ape shit over a spider that has fallen from a tree and onto the left upper side of my scalp. Yes. Like that.
No Bella, I have not grown accustomed to these matters. These seem to worsen and compound.
I don't have anything more to say about this.
I see myself sitting here wearing different shoes from three or four days ago. I think they're an awesome pair of comfy moccasin's with fluffy stuff inside to help keep my socked *footage in a safe and comfortable state. Which aids in making 'me' feel safer and more comfortable. There is a daily occurrence that has kept me with shoe or flop-flips to protect these bear claws of mine. Oh, my poor dear wife has sustained multiple wounds which required stitches and once with staples. Poor, poor wife, Botswana! *Note: The writer intended the spelling as such.
And then...
...as I was about to share that every single day of my life I walk into, kick into, stumble into and fall into scenario's that if I had not been wearing protective gear on to my dear Doggy's, I would've had multiple broken toes, ankles, knees and necks.
It's a Meniere's Thang. You wouldn't understand.
And please, I just mentioned neck too! Claude-Have-Mercy! This cervical spine of mine is contributing to some massive uncomfortable times the past few days. I have this three legged wooden massage tool that I massage and pressure point on my neck and scalp. I swear I wish I could reach under my skin to manipulate the muscles, tendons, nerves and skeletal matter on this large Human Shell. These few days have had the neck wish I could have one of those old fashioned type traction contraptions that would provide me the opportunity to stretch my neck while sitting under the arch of a door way. Honey, I would mess around and hang myself by accident in trying to find SOMETHING that will help me with my neck and above it.
Child please.
The "cluster pain's", as they are described at the clinic, are disgusting and random. No, I have conducted a study that has reflected stress is not a factor in these sudden pains from within. I pray for One, who will have the tools to help me find a way of life that would aid and assist me when I feel these miniature explosions between my scalp and skull. Just too many times a day! Everyday are bad days with these matters. Some days better than others, true. The past three or so have been inhumane. I know by having seen with my own two eyes that I look gimpish as hell when out of the blue-damned-clear, I am surprised attacked with what must be some sort of neurological spasm's. I don't know what the hell to call them anymore...
...I feel it a real live fucking torture, really. The only other person that I am aware of who feels the same urgency to assist is He-Who-Touched-My-Brain. My Right Good Doctor. I am the other. What the feck?
The spiders and worms have been plentiful. I suspect the spiders have multiplied, as these are plentiful. These events also have the surprise attacks that very usually catch me completely off guard. And I'll go to into the slapping the side of my head like a fecking monkey, going ape shit over a spider that has fallen from a tree and onto the left upper side of my scalp. Yes. Like that.
No Bella, I have not grown accustomed to these matters. These seem to worsen and compound.
I don't have anything more to say about this.
Thursday, December 27, 2012
Tiger, Panzer III and Leopard Tanks Together. One Of The Sounds
Dearest Relations,
Yes, these are the one's I have spoken about being in my back yard and my bedroom window. No, no gun shot or dumb shit like that, but do you hear the sounds of these tanks? I have listened to these for long periods of time. Nope, don't feel no damned vibrations - but those engines back there do some really loud and fecked up sounds and noises. So damned obnoxious!
Sincerely,
Mario
p.s. Turn it up some to get a realistic case scenario from my ears to your.
Nuclear Alarm, A Project Re: Sir Dude, The Experiment!
Dearest Kin,
My goodness I don't remember how long it has been since my therapist Sir Dude, recommended that I attach a sound bit to this blog to provide Those-Who-Read-My-Words, an opportunity to hear and listen to some of the sounds and noises that I live with every day here between this Dear Deaf Left Ear and my incredibly loud, popping and active right ear. "An experiment".
Yes, my Kindred I have had this very sound go on and on and on within these ears. Imagine turning this up in volume on your computer, or wait, please do try it. Now imagine this for minutes and sometimes hours at a time. (?)
Damn it, Sir Dude, this project may have taken me a spell to figure out, but here I am and here we go. Absolutely brilliant! Now that I, I beg your pardon, 'we' have found a means with which to share some of these hideous sounds and noises, I will toss one or two out here every once in a bit.
Sir Dude, thank you for planting this so simple a seed. Is it like me to over complicate shit, Sir? I don't - um, yes - I know! But seriously, thanks...
...you are an awesome teacher!
Doctor Has Left The Building
Dearest Relations,
I am pleased to share that my face-to-face, with my Good Right Doctor went exceptionally well. There seemed to be more than a Psychologist and Patient/Client connection. There was a genuine gentleman's exchange and conversation. The ink blots were odd and I felt odd looking at ink blots here in my House of Seven Windows...
...I never once felt intimidated by my Kind Guest. If I felt the energy that was alive here earlier, I would say it be from the gut and heart truth and truth's. Transparency. Seen. Why bull shit? This fellow took the time and gas to travel to my home for this meeting. I am honored and grateful.
Doctor W., I wish you well, I wish you peace and good health.
I wish to 'holla' at those and all of you who had me in mind and I thank God for being with us two. Today's psychological evaluation ended up being more of a gathering of Spirit's.
So awesome! Oh, how I love it when the synchronicity of life and My Path work in unison.
Love, peace and more peace,
Me
I am pleased to share that my face-to-face, with my Good Right Doctor went exceptionally well. There seemed to be more than a Psychologist and Patient/Client connection. There was a genuine gentleman's exchange and conversation. The ink blots were odd and I felt odd looking at ink blots here in my House of Seven Windows...
...I never once felt intimidated by my Kind Guest. If I felt the energy that was alive here earlier, I would say it be from the gut and heart truth and truth's. Transparency. Seen. Why bull shit? This fellow took the time and gas to travel to my home for this meeting. I am honored and grateful.
Doctor W., I wish you well, I wish you peace and good health.
I wish to 'holla' at those and all of you who had me in mind and I thank God for being with us two. Today's psychological evaluation ended up being more of a gathering of Spirit's.
So awesome! Oh, how I love it when the synchronicity of life and My Path work in unison.
Love, peace and more peace,
Me
NOTE: My Psychologist Is making A House Call!!
Relations,
A very simple and quick notice to report that my Psychologist is making a House Call!
My Right Good Doctor, is driving here to my House of Seven Window's! Oh my goodness gracious great balls on fire! I have to shower and prepare for a visit of great importance. First Impressions! Lord, please.
Dearest God, thank you! Thank you! Thank You!
Will connect later.
What is this awesome energy I feel in my Core?!
Wish me well!
Mario's Path
P.S. Wish me well! Yes, I know!
A very simple and quick notice to report that my Psychologist is making a House Call!
My Right Good Doctor, is driving here to my House of Seven Window's! Oh my goodness gracious great balls on fire! I have to shower and prepare for a visit of great importance. First Impressions! Lord, please.
Dearest God, thank you! Thank you! Thank You!
Will connect later.
What is this awesome energy I feel in my Core?!
Wish me well!
Mario's Path
P.S. Wish me well! Yes, I know!
Dear Right Kind Folks At Blogger
Dear Right Kind Folks at Blogger,
I have asked once before and ask once again that you please stop promoting 'dating' services on my blog.
I have AdSense and have never requested this form of promotion or advert. I am not comfortable with sites on Meniere's Disease, My Path, that promote Women as second class citizens. I have no desire to view this and would rather my guests not have to see such.
It feels dirty.
Blogger, please, stop this form of advertising.
Meniere's Disease, Mario's Path
I have asked once before and ask once again that you please stop promoting 'dating' services on my blog.
I have AdSense and have never requested this form of promotion or advert. I am not comfortable with sites on Meniere's Disease, My Path, that promote Women as second class citizens. I have no desire to view this and would rather my guests not have to see such.
It feels dirty.
Blogger, please, stop this form of advertising.
Meniere's Disease, Mario's Path
Meniere's Disease, Change Is A Comin'
With the last communique, there marked the 900th communique. No pomp, just a matter of sharing what my eyes see as a milestone of sorts for my path and I.
With the last communique there were twenty too few to make an even 17,000 Guests to this blog. There is still a something that prevents me from fully recognizing that there have been so very many to visit this sometimes quite informational and turmoil in a blended beverage way.
I am aware that there are times I drift off and along my path. When I do, you my Guests are here with me and my words and thoughts and feelings. I did not choose to have this Meniere's Disease and surely did not choose to have my path as I knew it so interrupted. I speak of my path, because this is my life. This is my road to a "Better State of Mind, Body and Health" Plan. I consider what I am traveling on a road to recovery in a wholeness of all that is me and who I am sort of way. There had to be a decision made back many, many months ago - do I stay or do I go. As it has been many times in my days, I put myself in the position to keep on truckin', Folks. I had to keep on going.. Seen.
It is clearly stated in my introduction that there would be some of this-and-that's and well, that's what my life has been all about. Taking care of those damned this-and-that's dammit, is a must and focus. I have been in the gutter and I have seen my Mother Earth from atop high peaks - I have felt and know that there are many who wear similar shoes as I. From my heart to yours, I empathize. This recovery has been my job. My project as a Spiritual One with the emotions of a Human Man, 'all', is a part of my path, so I take each step by one step.
I forget when and where, but I referred to something as being complexed earlier today. Well, that word is a one word description of who I am. I can tend to be too complicated sometimes. Yes.
I am a Survivor, not a victim. The meniere's is a major pain in the ass, yes, but I have had many suffering's earlier in life that I suspect may have prepared me for the challenges I face daily with this Meniere's an it's symptoms. I do not quit, neither are there any plans to do so. To much good, right and positive is going on in my circle right now. There have been too many nightmares and terrors lately - no more please...
...It is the Warrior Survivor within me who will pull me out of this gloom. God has my back and I know this!
Many have grown to know me in the ways I share and communicate. Guests have stopped by to read these words and pay their respects with their visits. I am humbled. I continue with the belief that I am a simple one. I am not clever nor do I have high IQ.. I am who I am. You owe me no obligation, so I beg that please, you in my Circle who are them with many faces, move on from me. Please. Yes, this is sad in many respects, yet soon, I will draw the line - that will divide me from many ill and negative energy...
...this is rather like a 'House Blessing', just from within my skin do I have this ceremony.
Change is a comin' you all. Yes Ma'am, there's a change coming this way, I say. I can smell it too!
God Bless America!
With the last communique there were twenty too few to make an even 17,000 Guests to this blog. There is still a something that prevents me from fully recognizing that there have been so very many to visit this sometimes quite informational and turmoil in a blended beverage way.
I am aware that there are times I drift off and along my path. When I do, you my Guests are here with me and my words and thoughts and feelings. I did not choose to have this Meniere's Disease and surely did not choose to have my path as I knew it so interrupted. I speak of my path, because this is my life. This is my road to a "Better State of Mind, Body and Health" Plan. I consider what I am traveling on a road to recovery in a wholeness of all that is me and who I am sort of way. There had to be a decision made back many, many months ago - do I stay or do I go. As it has been many times in my days, I put myself in the position to keep on truckin', Folks. I had to keep on going.. Seen.
It is clearly stated in my introduction that there would be some of this-and-that's and well, that's what my life has been all about. Taking care of those damned this-and-that's dammit, is a must and focus. I have been in the gutter and I have seen my Mother Earth from atop high peaks - I have felt and know that there are many who wear similar shoes as I. From my heart to yours, I empathize. This recovery has been my job. My project as a Spiritual One with the emotions of a Human Man, 'all', is a part of my path, so I take each step by one step.
I forget when and where, but I referred to something as being complexed earlier today. Well, that word is a one word description of who I am. I can tend to be too complicated sometimes. Yes.
I am a Survivor, not a victim. The meniere's is a major pain in the ass, yes, but I have had many suffering's earlier in life that I suspect may have prepared me for the challenges I face daily with this Meniere's an it's symptoms. I do not quit, neither are there any plans to do so. To much good, right and positive is going on in my circle right now. There have been too many nightmares and terrors lately - no more please...
...It is the Warrior Survivor within me who will pull me out of this gloom. God has my back and I know this!
Many have grown to know me in the ways I share and communicate. Guests have stopped by to read these words and pay their respects with their visits. I am humbled. I continue with the belief that I am a simple one. I am not clever nor do I have high IQ.. I am who I am. You owe me no obligation, so I beg that please, you in my Circle who are them with many faces, move on from me. Please. Yes, this is sad in many respects, yet soon, I will draw the line - that will divide me from many ill and negative energy...
...this is rather like a 'House Blessing', just from within my skin do I have this ceremony.
Change is a comin' you all. Yes Ma'am, there's a change coming this way, I say. I can smell it too!
God Bless America!
"Noisy, Busy and Loud"
If I had to give tonight a name it would be "Noisy, Busy and Loud". Even in times of solitude and a total silence in my surrounding world, my ears battle between the two to see which one might create the most obnoxiously absurd and loud racket.
My right ear, tonight has been exceptionally problematic. The roars of jungle inhabitants - insects and all that are, roar simultaneously then abruptly cease to be. Then the roars re-engage and has not stopped for the past one hour and three quarter. As if these critters sense one is approaching, they go silent, to then return to chaos once all is clear - somewhere up here. In here, my dears.
The Deaf Left, went Deaf today, meaning I did not wear my third ear to process sound via my BAHA, the Bone Anchored Hearing Aid. It was almost like going without a garment of some sort. I felt wee naked and it felt as if I was missing out a bit, but really the sounds and noises here have kept me awake tonight because of the beeps and a roaring water fall. Not Niagara Falls, but loud damn it.
The nausea sits at the ready here in my throat. Have had vomit twice today. These were ambush type vomit as these caught me totally off guard. It was like this: While sitting on the sofa after reading the news paper - I vomited. Gross as all hail! The toxic sensations in my Center are stirred by this Meniere's, I share now! I do not recollect ever having two just-up and vomit episodes. I really don't think this has ever happened.
My right ear pops!
So tonight, once again I surrendered. This is why I am up and awake at just two shy of 0300. Good-goodness my Earth Mates, I don't know if what I share does justice for what it is I experience with this Meniere's Disease. Every day of life. There have been maybe one handful of Folk who tell me that they have Meniere's Disease. I sit back and I think to myself, these are some special gifted Folks to have that type of Meniere's Disease. I do not know why or how there are such differing degree's of this disease, but I have seen them in He-Who-Touched-My-Brain's Clinic. I try not to ruminate too much, but then who am I fooling with that comment? i think too damned much.
There is beeping going on right at this moment in my right ear! And what sounds like electricity traveling through wires up on them high electrical polls. Shit.
I am just a wee bit dizzy at this instant, but have been on the Roller Coaster ride at the Festival.
There was discharge from my implant today. Gross. Spiders and worms play mind games.
There has been pain and much discomfort in my neck and shoulder. I eagerly await word from the new Neurologist. For the time being I am using a compound created for me at a pharmacy in Sarasota, Florida. The most incredible stuff I've ever rubbed on my neck and upper parts.
There has been very much synchronicity cross My Path over the past few days and to include today. In past communiques, I have shared that Meniere's Disease has fucked with the time and the passing of time in my life, but I say this, the Meniere's can not touch synchronicity. An awesome observation! Energy around me and afar, moves at God's pace, not mine and it is my belief that God has blessed me with the ability to recognize many of these synchronicity's.
I think I will make another effort for sleep and dream world now. Peace to you, my Guest.
My right ear, tonight has been exceptionally problematic. The roars of jungle inhabitants - insects and all that are, roar simultaneously then abruptly cease to be. Then the roars re-engage and has not stopped for the past one hour and three quarter. As if these critters sense one is approaching, they go silent, to then return to chaos once all is clear - somewhere up here. In here, my dears.
The Deaf Left, went Deaf today, meaning I did not wear my third ear to process sound via my BAHA, the Bone Anchored Hearing Aid. It was almost like going without a garment of some sort. I felt wee naked and it felt as if I was missing out a bit, but really the sounds and noises here have kept me awake tonight because of the beeps and a roaring water fall. Not Niagara Falls, but loud damn it.
The nausea sits at the ready here in my throat. Have had vomit twice today. These were ambush type vomit as these caught me totally off guard. It was like this: While sitting on the sofa after reading the news paper - I vomited. Gross as all hail! The toxic sensations in my Center are stirred by this Meniere's, I share now! I do not recollect ever having two just-up and vomit episodes. I really don't think this has ever happened.
My right ear pops!
So tonight, once again I surrendered. This is why I am up and awake at just two shy of 0300. Good-goodness my Earth Mates, I don't know if what I share does justice for what it is I experience with this Meniere's Disease. Every day of life. There have been maybe one handful of Folk who tell me that they have Meniere's Disease. I sit back and I think to myself, these are some special gifted Folks to have that type of Meniere's Disease. I do not know why or how there are such differing degree's of this disease, but I have seen them in He-Who-Touched-My-Brain's Clinic. I try not to ruminate too much, but then who am I fooling with that comment? i think too damned much.
There is beeping going on right at this moment in my right ear! And what sounds like electricity traveling through wires up on them high electrical polls. Shit.
I am just a wee bit dizzy at this instant, but have been on the Roller Coaster ride at the Festival.
There was discharge from my implant today. Gross. Spiders and worms play mind games.
There has been pain and much discomfort in my neck and shoulder. I eagerly await word from the new Neurologist. For the time being I am using a compound created for me at a pharmacy in Sarasota, Florida. The most incredible stuff I've ever rubbed on my neck and upper parts.
There has been very much synchronicity cross My Path over the past few days and to include today. In past communiques, I have shared that Meniere's Disease has fucked with the time and the passing of time in my life, but I say this, the Meniere's can not touch synchronicity. An awesome observation! Energy around me and afar, moves at God's pace, not mine and it is my belief that God has blessed me with the ability to recognize many of these synchronicity's.
I think I will make another effort for sleep and dream world now. Peace to you, my Guest.
Wednesday, December 26, 2012
Meniere's As Of 1843, 26 December 2012
Relations,
The last communique was heavy and I listened to the words as I re-read what it was I attempted to share back several days ago. I noticed a few errors. I hope all will understand as there were topics that really hit nerves in my heart and in my two brains. Folks, these days enjoy calling this sensation alive within me a passion. I enjoy calling it me, as I really am who I am. If I were to attempt change or alter my course, in negative ways, many would make me aware. I have no doubt of that. It surprises me at how some Folk respond to the news of my pursuing plans at the Department of Education's, Vocational Rehab. In my skin, it makes sense that I make adjustment and pick up where I am at now and begin the process of getting back into the work force. It's in my nature to work.
I would love to thank two dear friends and their son for busting me out of the house today. What an awesome way to help a little rain storm go on by, but with the company of them who are alive within my heart and mind. Brian, you and Kathy and the awesome Lil' Nizzle are same as Earth Angels to me. I love you all to deaf and thank you for sharing your company and time with me. How cool!
I do not remember saying this, but your visit was like medicine to my Spirit's...
...I awoke earlier in the morning to spend a spell with Bwana before she was off to work. Once she was off and on her way, our house of seven windows grew too quiet. Too silent. This Meniere's woke up with me and the symptoms of sounds and noises, a slight tipsy dizziness and mild nausea. I share the noises then are as they are now, loud and amplified. As in sounds manifest time and time over. My right ear listening to the sounds of Tarzan's neighbourhood and my left with the sounds of many beeps. Some long and loud, other's like now are beeping quietly off in the distance. The left side of my face has had multiple spasms and I have been visited by the spiders and worms off and on today.
After my dear wife left for work, I returned to sleep and slept for a couple of hours. The silence after having the sounds of laughter and much conversations was deafening. Yes. I know.
The sadness remains present and affecting. Yesterday was Christmas Day, yet it feels so far away from where I sit today. No, I do not wish to try to explain right now, I reckon it would be one of those ranting and raving sort of things, so I'll pass. I just know that I am blue.
Depression lurks behind the symptoms of the Meniere's. I know this very well. This time of year it is also all wrapped up all pretty like for the holidays too. I thought you knew.
The last communique was heavy and I listened to the words as I re-read what it was I attempted to share back several days ago. I noticed a few errors. I hope all will understand as there were topics that really hit nerves in my heart and in my two brains. Folks, these days enjoy calling this sensation alive within me a passion. I enjoy calling it me, as I really am who I am. If I were to attempt change or alter my course, in negative ways, many would make me aware. I have no doubt of that. It surprises me at how some Folk respond to the news of my pursuing plans at the Department of Education's, Vocational Rehab. In my skin, it makes sense that I make adjustment and pick up where I am at now and begin the process of getting back into the work force. It's in my nature to work.
I would love to thank two dear friends and their son for busting me out of the house today. What an awesome way to help a little rain storm go on by, but with the company of them who are alive within my heart and mind. Brian, you and Kathy and the awesome Lil' Nizzle are same as Earth Angels to me. I love you all to deaf and thank you for sharing your company and time with me. How cool!
I do not remember saying this, but your visit was like medicine to my Spirit's...
...I awoke earlier in the morning to spend a spell with Bwana before she was off to work. Once she was off and on her way, our house of seven windows grew too quiet. Too silent. This Meniere's woke up with me and the symptoms of sounds and noises, a slight tipsy dizziness and mild nausea. I share the noises then are as they are now, loud and amplified. As in sounds manifest time and time over. My right ear listening to the sounds of Tarzan's neighbourhood and my left with the sounds of many beeps. Some long and loud, other's like now are beeping quietly off in the distance. The left side of my face has had multiple spasms and I have been visited by the spiders and worms off and on today.
After my dear wife left for work, I returned to sleep and slept for a couple of hours. The silence after having the sounds of laughter and much conversations was deafening. Yes. I know.
The sadness remains present and affecting. Yesterday was Christmas Day, yet it feels so far away from where I sit today. No, I do not wish to try to explain right now, I reckon it would be one of those ranting and raving sort of things, so I'll pass. I just know that I am blue.
Depression lurks behind the symptoms of the Meniere's. I know this very well. This time of year it is also all wrapped up all pretty like for the holidays too. I thought you knew.
My Meniere's, The United States of America, My Wishes And I
Ya-Hey! All Relations!
Welcome, and welcome back to my path. Please grab a cup of espresso, kick back, rest your feet and breathe with me a while. I have this desire to connect and this sensation is strong. I feel its physicality's bull's eye on my heart and simply wish to be here a spell.
Please Note: This communique was initially composed on 21 December 2012. Pardon me for the delay, my lack of contact and of the lack of connection's I so eagerly desire. There has been issue's with balance for too-too many days now. Most of the stumbles are made from within, but many are incidents in the bath or bedroom. Then the yard. I am not here today though to speak of Gardening, I am here today to discuss an imbalance from within - between this deaf and good-bad-ear, you see? I leave this communique as it was conveyed on the 21st. And now, I say no more, say no more...
The meniere's has been active today, so active I have slept to keep my mind from getting all smooshy with the depression stuff. I don't want to be sad or blue, please God, tell my Kindred that what I share is real and truths that spill easily from my spirits. As is bleeding and then letting it bleed out. Sometimes, the more blood the better the cleanse. (I wish to share more about blood in a minute or two) The heavy gloom, like a thick London Fog, will surely have the Sun break through it. I do get sad and blue and yes, sometimes down right depressed, but there's something alive that is a very part of who I am today. I share with you that through-out my brief life I have shared an energy and positive being that has to have been a Gift from God. My God...
...the sleep came early as I saw and was hearing what type of morning was in store. The nausea's here at the point where my neck meets my chest. Smack dab between the two rounded points of my shoulder blades. Non active thus far today. I am dizzy and am quite uncomfortable with it. It is a disgusting thing to feel intoxicated dizzy and have had no cocktails. No, this is not fun nor is it funny. Imagine this scene in your shoes, please? walking about as if tipsy. Bumping into walls, door arches, cabinetry and furniture - EVEN though a path way has been created for me for 'safe' passage through this long house of seven windows. On days like today even my paths are a danger. The noises have been troublesome since waking early this morning and then also since waking from the four hour sleep to disengage from this damned sounds that accompany my meniere's. I have had this odd computer sounding "click" in my deaf left. Random too. Not steady or with pattern, just 'click' every once in a bit. Beeps, beep. My right ear has pain and has a funnel sounding affect to it this afternoon. Oh yes! Last night and for the first time, I experienced something that sounded like what I could imagine an echo chamber sounding like. There was a 'very' echo-ish affect and quality to my hearing. The television tube was a no go, really foul sounding so I listened to music and turned Janet Jackson up real loud. All the while spiders and worms danced and squirmed about my head. Remember? Oh, how I wish that Doc, our team and I could do something with this meniere's madness! I wish!
I wish this new year, 2013, the year of many new and awesome break through, will teach me to better disengage, remind me to disengage in healthy and right good ways as I teach my those and them who are the students.
I wish my country continued success with the economy and ecology too. To many people here preoccupy their good time and mind with worry and concern about other countries having good sound economy. I prayed for these country's as a fellow Human Spirit. As I pray for the people's of the United State of America. Maybe now, America, this Government for the people by the people will soon open their collective eyes and ears. THEN, to begin taking care of America first! Feed our peoples! Shelter our Homeless and rebuild urban centers which would ease the destruction of Earth Mother on our shores and mountains. WE, as Americans need to remind this government that they are elected officials and are employed because the American peoples voted so. Our White led government forgets. America, there has to be a return to our Country's way-it-is-written. Not the way this America has been led, for centuries by the majority white ruled government. Soon, change come. I see it and have smelled it too...
...soon will come a time when people's say what people's have to say. I talk. I speak and yes, I do listen. So much so that I would wish all American people could talk and speak, and not fear persecutions, prosecution, prejudice or hatred. Or judgement...
...as it is I do. Sometimes with my talks, I say simply what must be said. Many grow angry with my simple words. I simply say and said it because I meant to say it. By the way, I even think twice before I speak. Sometimes I think three times over even. Too many took advantage of my silence. All of so too many 'Yester-year's'.
Know that the way for me now is to speak. Have talks. Share what living with Meniere's is like and what it can and does do to the lives of Folk. Yet, I am not satisfied. I attempt to convey an essence of what it is I go through. What it is I experience and really, I have no reason to paint pretty pictures of this invisible shitty disease. It wouldn't be true. I have had Folk complain because what I share is too harsh. Well, harsh is where I live and why fucking lie?
Too many judges forget their lips and multi-faces have told many stories. Some forget what lie was said last - so I must by-pass connection with these sort. No, I say, many will grow with me and or will continue their paths as they wish. It is their prerogative, not mine Honey's. Time be now, it is time that I speak and let the steps go with the beat of the thump of the drum called my heart. I have nothing to gain by putting on masks and laughing and eating with others who occupy their time with talking shit behind one and other back's. Please? I am happy being and living in a what-you-see is what-you-get mode. I say over and over, I am who I am. Please, let me share this, if a 'friend' or a member of my clan take issue with me, please let it be you to move on from around me. I DO NOT wish to hear back stabbing because that's a very old song by the "O'Jay's". I have none desire to listen to boastings. Many Folk, remained Silent while and stood by as my brothers and sisters were being abused - not a one, no one, none have approached me on this subject.
No. None. No one. Not a one.
I wish my brothers and sisters of this country, justice. True Equal Opportunity. For All of America's People's. Gay, Bi? Why?, Lesbian, Black, Brown, Red, White and Mr. Jackson's Rainbow of People's! You see,I was that Mixed Breed Kid on the blocks, the one with the knotty hair. The one sexually abused and raped and incested, feckin' right there on the street I was raised on. It was necessary that as a child I was just forced to suck more than too much or too many and was taught to swallow, by the age of four or five. Actively, by the age of six. Look America, whether anyone wants to see the big purple elephant on this screen or not, but, I know that since the youngest of my younger years, I've been called faggot. Sissy. Punk? Shit, and even much-much worse than that by my own Kinfolk. That wasn't new nor is it new to this day. Matter of a fact, I don't really care what one should call me as along there be a Mister attached to such a term. Seen? Seen...
...when I speak or have talk about the Races, I do so with my Spirit's. The forthright thought process requires that I speak the truth. I do not make fun of nor do I ridicule the White's in my Kinship. These are my clan, my kinfolk, and kindred One's. I have the DNA of the White Peoples. Some of my most beloved kinfolk are white and are the People's of My Mothers Father. I do love White people, I really just do not respect what I perceive to be the brain washing's of so many People in this U.S. of A. The propaganda is classic White Folks stuff, you know, politics and favoring One Race Over Another Race. The 1%'er and the 47 percentages. Please, say Seen. Nor do I favor the History of what the White People have represented on this Land. You see, once I was able to Vote, I voted a Gay Slate. I knew even then that the elected officials on a Gay, Black, or Latino slate - just No Whites. When someone like me got into office I felt they were looking out for the entire community, county, our state or country by our president. Ever so rarely have I fallen for the White Man's political bull shit and propaganda. Though I say now, I have been burned by it's flame's of ignorance. Oddly enough, I do not know if any of those above mentioned titles would apply to me, now that I think about it. Not anymore Honey. And I do say this, I am a happily married man, 32 years strong with two extraordinary and beautiful daughter's. I am who I am.
I love the way it all does sort of flow together in a random beautiful rainbow of energy that is me.
I also wish all peoples success in their endeavours and good health.
America, I wish for a year with less blood shed. Here, first of all. Less violence. Great Spirit, please Bless the Children. I wish for the blood letting in Syria to come to an end too. Please God. I wish same for the Congo. Somalia. Uganda. The countries where our troops are being killed and lamed, I wish they all come home safely. Soon. I wish for justice to be served swiftly to them who lead and or govern them who kill fellow Earth Beings. These individuals who cold hearted and with total evil intentions slaughter their fellow country Men and Women and our Children. There is much debate and too much talk by many out here in a society near me. Much is U.S. propaganda. So many believe their matters-of-the-heart are more important than the beliefs of their brother or sister or neighbour or president, that they become blinded by it. Blood shed is the same colour in America as it is in Africa...
...my mind races with the scenes of terror and horror from the mass murders that take place here in America, time after time and time and time again. This government keeps fires burning else where to disguise what it is going on right here in our own back yards. The press print talk about "Black on Black" crime here. The News talk same and discuss percentages as their 'living proff. But, what I do see and read is "White on White" wanton slaughter. White on White Crime? This is same thing the White peoples have done throughout our country's history. Come eight days from today, the sad and bitter occasion of the memories of what occurred at Wounded Knee back on that cold and bitter Winter's day. When one speaks of Genocide, it is truly truth that this country, My Country, has committed Genocide after Genocide. The proff is in the writing that Kindred left behind. Black Elk Speaks, is an awesome read and the Right Good Black Elk was sadly a witness to the horror that was Wounded Knee when the U.S. Army slaughtered Women, Children and The Elders. I am aware this has been heavy in my Spirit's.
Once it is done, to occupy the minds of the peoples, then the country is ruled by the Government - not by the people. This, for now majority White population, of MY home land continue to live in a make believe land of their minds, remain blind because they do not see and do not hear. America, this isn't 19-anything anymore. It is time these White fellow citizens of mine, wrapped in their lives of self-importance, gluttony and greed - perpetuate what it is America is not. We will all follow the Piper...
...Folks like to call it Mob-Mentality. In my head, mob-mentality become civil unrest. Civil unrest becomes Revolution.
Great Spirit, Bless my wishes. Bless my kinfolk all, and my Kindred too. After this period of mourning a new year beckons.
Ya-Hey! Great Spirit! Ya-Hey!
Welcome, and welcome back to my path. Please grab a cup of espresso, kick back, rest your feet and breathe with me a while. I have this desire to connect and this sensation is strong. I feel its physicality's bull's eye on my heart and simply wish to be here a spell.
Please Note: This communique was initially composed on 21 December 2012. Pardon me for the delay, my lack of contact and of the lack of connection's I so eagerly desire. There has been issue's with balance for too-too many days now. Most of the stumbles are made from within, but many are incidents in the bath or bedroom. Then the yard. I am not here today though to speak of Gardening, I am here today to discuss an imbalance from within - between this deaf and good-bad-ear, you see? I leave this communique as it was conveyed on the 21st. And now, I say no more, say no more...
The meniere's has been active today, so active I have slept to keep my mind from getting all smooshy with the depression stuff. I don't want to be sad or blue, please God, tell my Kindred that what I share is real and truths that spill easily from my spirits. As is bleeding and then letting it bleed out. Sometimes, the more blood the better the cleanse. (I wish to share more about blood in a minute or two) The heavy gloom, like a thick London Fog, will surely have the Sun break through it. I do get sad and blue and yes, sometimes down right depressed, but there's something alive that is a very part of who I am today. I share with you that through-out my brief life I have shared an energy and positive being that has to have been a Gift from God. My God...
...the sleep came early as I saw and was hearing what type of morning was in store. The nausea's here at the point where my neck meets my chest. Smack dab between the two rounded points of my shoulder blades. Non active thus far today. I am dizzy and am quite uncomfortable with it. It is a disgusting thing to feel intoxicated dizzy and have had no cocktails. No, this is not fun nor is it funny. Imagine this scene in your shoes, please? walking about as if tipsy. Bumping into walls, door arches, cabinetry and furniture - EVEN though a path way has been created for me for 'safe' passage through this long house of seven windows. On days like today even my paths are a danger. The noises have been troublesome since waking early this morning and then also since waking from the four hour sleep to disengage from this damned sounds that accompany my meniere's. I have had this odd computer sounding "click" in my deaf left. Random too. Not steady or with pattern, just 'click' every once in a bit. Beeps, beep. My right ear has pain and has a funnel sounding affect to it this afternoon. Oh yes! Last night and for the first time, I experienced something that sounded like what I could imagine an echo chamber sounding like. There was a 'very' echo-ish affect and quality to my hearing. The television tube was a no go, really foul sounding so I listened to music and turned Janet Jackson up real loud. All the while spiders and worms danced and squirmed about my head. Remember? Oh, how I wish that Doc, our team and I could do something with this meniere's madness! I wish!
I wish this new year, 2013, the year of many new and awesome break through, will teach me to better disengage, remind me to disengage in healthy and right good ways as I teach my those and them who are the students.
I wish my country continued success with the economy and ecology too. To many people here preoccupy their good time and mind with worry and concern about other countries having good sound economy. I prayed for these country's as a fellow Human Spirit. As I pray for the people's of the United State of America. Maybe now, America, this Government for the people by the people will soon open their collective eyes and ears. THEN, to begin taking care of America first! Feed our peoples! Shelter our Homeless and rebuild urban centers which would ease the destruction of Earth Mother on our shores and mountains. WE, as Americans need to remind this government that they are elected officials and are employed because the American peoples voted so. Our White led government forgets. America, there has to be a return to our Country's way-it-is-written. Not the way this America has been led, for centuries by the majority white ruled government. Soon, change come. I see it and have smelled it too...
...soon will come a time when people's say what people's have to say. I talk. I speak and yes, I do listen. So much so that I would wish all American people could talk and speak, and not fear persecutions, prosecution, prejudice or hatred. Or judgement...
...as it is I do. Sometimes with my talks, I say simply what must be said. Many grow angry with my simple words. I simply say and said it because I meant to say it. By the way, I even think twice before I speak. Sometimes I think three times over even. Too many took advantage of my silence. All of so too many 'Yester-year's'.
Know that the way for me now is to speak. Have talks. Share what living with Meniere's is like and what it can and does do to the lives of Folk. Yet, I am not satisfied. I attempt to convey an essence of what it is I go through. What it is I experience and really, I have no reason to paint pretty pictures of this invisible shitty disease. It wouldn't be true. I have had Folk complain because what I share is too harsh. Well, harsh is where I live and why fucking lie?
Too many judges forget their lips and multi-faces have told many stories. Some forget what lie was said last - so I must by-pass connection with these sort. No, I say, many will grow with me and or will continue their paths as they wish. It is their prerogative, not mine Honey's. Time be now, it is time that I speak and let the steps go with the beat of the thump of the drum called my heart. I have nothing to gain by putting on masks and laughing and eating with others who occupy their time with talking shit behind one and other back's. Please? I am happy being and living in a what-you-see is what-you-get mode. I say over and over, I am who I am. Please, let me share this, if a 'friend' or a member of my clan take issue with me, please let it be you to move on from around me. I DO NOT wish to hear back stabbing because that's a very old song by the "O'Jay's". I have none desire to listen to boastings. Many Folk, remained Silent while and stood by as my brothers and sisters were being abused - not a one, no one, none have approached me on this subject.
No. None. No one. Not a one.
I wish my brothers and sisters of this country, justice. True Equal Opportunity. For All of America's People's. Gay, Bi? Why?, Lesbian, Black, Brown, Red, White and Mr. Jackson's Rainbow of People's! You see,I was that Mixed Breed Kid on the blocks, the one with the knotty hair. The one sexually abused and raped and incested, feckin' right there on the street I was raised on. It was necessary that as a child I was just forced to suck more than too much or too many and was taught to swallow, by the age of four or five. Actively, by the age of six. Look America, whether anyone wants to see the big purple elephant on this screen or not, but, I know that since the youngest of my younger years, I've been called faggot. Sissy. Punk? Shit, and even much-much worse than that by my own Kinfolk. That wasn't new nor is it new to this day. Matter of a fact, I don't really care what one should call me as along there be a Mister attached to such a term. Seen? Seen...
...when I speak or have talk about the Races, I do so with my Spirit's. The forthright thought process requires that I speak the truth. I do not make fun of nor do I ridicule the White's in my Kinship. These are my clan, my kinfolk, and kindred One's. I have the DNA of the White Peoples. Some of my most beloved kinfolk are white and are the People's of My Mothers Father. I do love White people, I really just do not respect what I perceive to be the brain washing's of so many People in this U.S. of A. The propaganda is classic White Folks stuff, you know, politics and favoring One Race Over Another Race. The 1%'er and the 47 percentages. Please, say Seen. Nor do I favor the History of what the White People have represented on this Land. You see, once I was able to Vote, I voted a Gay Slate. I knew even then that the elected officials on a Gay, Black, or Latino slate - just No Whites. When someone like me got into office I felt they were looking out for the entire community, county, our state or country by our president. Ever so rarely have I fallen for the White Man's political bull shit and propaganda. Though I say now, I have been burned by it's flame's of ignorance. Oddly enough, I do not know if any of those above mentioned titles would apply to me, now that I think about it. Not anymore Honey. And I do say this, I am a happily married man, 32 years strong with two extraordinary and beautiful daughter's. I am who I am.
I love the way it all does sort of flow together in a random beautiful rainbow of energy that is me.
I also wish all peoples success in their endeavours and good health.
America, I wish for a year with less blood shed. Here, first of all. Less violence. Great Spirit, please Bless the Children. I wish for the blood letting in Syria to come to an end too. Please God. I wish same for the Congo. Somalia. Uganda. The countries where our troops are being killed and lamed, I wish they all come home safely. Soon. I wish for justice to be served swiftly to them who lead and or govern them who kill fellow Earth Beings. These individuals who cold hearted and with total evil intentions slaughter their fellow country Men and Women and our Children. There is much debate and too much talk by many out here in a society near me. Much is U.S. propaganda. So many believe their matters-of-the-heart are more important than the beliefs of their brother or sister or neighbour or president, that they become blinded by it. Blood shed is the same colour in America as it is in Africa...
...my mind races with the scenes of terror and horror from the mass murders that take place here in America, time after time and time and time again. This government keeps fires burning else where to disguise what it is going on right here in our own back yards. The press print talk about "Black on Black" crime here. The News talk same and discuss percentages as their 'living proff. But, what I do see and read is "White on White" wanton slaughter. White on White Crime? This is same thing the White peoples have done throughout our country's history. Come eight days from today, the sad and bitter occasion of the memories of what occurred at Wounded Knee back on that cold and bitter Winter's day. When one speaks of Genocide, it is truly truth that this country, My Country, has committed Genocide after Genocide. The proff is in the writing that Kindred left behind. Black Elk Speaks, is an awesome read and the Right Good Black Elk was sadly a witness to the horror that was Wounded Knee when the U.S. Army slaughtered Women, Children and The Elders. I am aware this has been heavy in my Spirit's.
Once it is done, to occupy the minds of the peoples, then the country is ruled by the Government - not by the people. This, for now majority White population, of MY home land continue to live in a make believe land of their minds, remain blind because they do not see and do not hear. America, this isn't 19-anything anymore. It is time these White fellow citizens of mine, wrapped in their lives of self-importance, gluttony and greed - perpetuate what it is America is not. We will all follow the Piper...
...Folks like to call it Mob-Mentality. In my head, mob-mentality become civil unrest. Civil unrest becomes Revolution.
Great Spirit, Bless my wishes. Bless my kinfolk all, and my Kindred too. After this period of mourning a new year beckons.
Ya-Hey! Great Spirit! Ya-Hey!
Thursday, December 20, 2012
Meniere's Ass Stompin' Time
Kin,
The sounds and noises have gone completely unchained and are relentless with the loudness and the bizarre noises I am hearing and listening to. Torment through-out the day and now at 0121, the loudness creates the scene of not wanting to lay down in a quiet place or a dark room. It does not work that way, this symptom of the Meniere's that lives within this skin and skull does not permit much quiet or respite. Earlier this afternoon I listened to an old barn storming plane that seemed to be stuck in a state of suspended animation, above and immediately above my roof by one thousand feet or more, but it didn't move. This sound that I listened to for damned near an hour. No, I didn't go check and nope, I know the difference between a plane and a helicopter. This was not the helicopter.
Oh! Just then and with a quickness, a spider just squirmed about on the upper left corner of the back of my bobble head. Between my scalp and my hard ass skull. Yes, this time I went and rubbed the spot and #1, for the circulation of it and #2, to make damned sure there wasn't a fecking spider on my skull. Okay! What?
I had stepped out of doors an hour ago or so. For a breathe of this exceptionally cool weather that has just moved in to our part of Florida. And I listened as Mother Earth, hummed a low mono tone hum. I listened to Mother Earth's voice yet again. I know She is sad. These are not sounds or noises from within my skull, this hum is from the out side and near the deep channel behind the preserve and our sanctuary. Too weired to take or consider, then, I removed myself to the indoors. There has been a constant beeping going on in my deaf left ear. Steady and constant. Quicker than the second ticking on a watch or clock.
I have had the sweats, perspiration's and mistiness today. The past two days so bad I have had the need to shower twice per day and scrub my body with an abrasive wash cloth and turn the heat up on the shower. And scrub. I vomited today. In my mouth and in the commode. Nausea tagging along like a pain in the throat. Speaking of pain, I am experiencing pain deep within my ear and head behind my ears. Yes, both ears. Spoke with He-Who-Touched-My-Brain, about this.
I tripped on my own Nike flop-flips today. Twice. My coordination was odd and I pushed myself by being safe and walking with intention. As in, I intended on walking with steadfast purpose.
This is all about my business remember. My Better State of Health, Mind, Body and Spirit's. My doctor and I, I believe are beginning to let it really sink in that we are on a course to make things better. Not heal, because there is no cure, but to make life comfortable and provide me dignity while walking My Path. There's only so much that can be done with this Meniere's Disease and the pail full of symptoms that accompany this maddening invisible disease. This has been a long period of Meniere's Ass Stompin'. I'm tired from getting stomped so much.
There's no more for me to say.
The sounds and noises have gone completely unchained and are relentless with the loudness and the bizarre noises I am hearing and listening to. Torment through-out the day and now at 0121, the loudness creates the scene of not wanting to lay down in a quiet place or a dark room. It does not work that way, this symptom of the Meniere's that lives within this skin and skull does not permit much quiet or respite. Earlier this afternoon I listened to an old barn storming plane that seemed to be stuck in a state of suspended animation, above and immediately above my roof by one thousand feet or more, but it didn't move. This sound that I listened to for damned near an hour. No, I didn't go check and nope, I know the difference between a plane and a helicopter. This was not the helicopter.
Oh! Just then and with a quickness, a spider just squirmed about on the upper left corner of the back of my bobble head. Between my scalp and my hard ass skull. Yes, this time I went and rubbed the spot and #1, for the circulation of it and #2, to make damned sure there wasn't a fecking spider on my skull. Okay! What?
I had stepped out of doors an hour ago or so. For a breathe of this exceptionally cool weather that has just moved in to our part of Florida. And I listened as Mother Earth, hummed a low mono tone hum. I listened to Mother Earth's voice yet again. I know She is sad. These are not sounds or noises from within my skull, this hum is from the out side and near the deep channel behind the preserve and our sanctuary. Too weired to take or consider, then, I removed myself to the indoors. There has been a constant beeping going on in my deaf left ear. Steady and constant. Quicker than the second ticking on a watch or clock.
I have had the sweats, perspiration's and mistiness today. The past two days so bad I have had the need to shower twice per day and scrub my body with an abrasive wash cloth and turn the heat up on the shower. And scrub. I vomited today. In my mouth and in the commode. Nausea tagging along like a pain in the throat. Speaking of pain, I am experiencing pain deep within my ear and head behind my ears. Yes, both ears. Spoke with He-Who-Touched-My-Brain, about this.
I tripped on my own Nike flop-flips today. Twice. My coordination was odd and I pushed myself by being safe and walking with intention. As in, I intended on walking with steadfast purpose.
This is all about my business remember. My Better State of Health, Mind, Body and Spirit's. My doctor and I, I believe are beginning to let it really sink in that we are on a course to make things better. Not heal, because there is no cure, but to make life comfortable and provide me dignity while walking My Path. There's only so much that can be done with this Meniere's Disease and the pail full of symptoms that accompany this maddening invisible disease. This has been a long period of Meniere's Ass Stompin'. I'm tired from getting stomped so much.
There's no more for me to say.
Arrival - Douglas Spotted Eagle
Kin,
This song has long been associated with mourning for me. A mighty long time.
Mourning and the relearning of knowing when to let go has always been difficult lessons for me to learn. Sometimes I listen to the voice within my conscience, sometimes I don't. I know that I am having a go at this gloom that has me by the throat. Knowing is half the battle. You know?
Come the 29th of December, more mourning comes my way as it is the anniversary of the Massacre at Wounded Knee. This is an annual state of mourning for me to stop and pray. To remember and contemplate what it was that this U.S. Army did when it slaughtered and massacred Lakota Women, Children and Elders. With weapons of such mass destruction that the bullets so large, would travel through one victim and through another. These were defenseless victims. This was not an armed battle of war - this was total annihilation of our own people's.
Great Spirit!
Gloom, Sadness, Death
I suspect the gloom has encircled me. I gather the white mans covered wagons and protect myself by placing myself in this circle of wagons for protection. My heart is heavy and gone bad, but I do see a change coming. For now I sense that I am in a state of mourning. I am. The massacre of so many wee young children in Connecticut has brought forth much turmoil within this skull and brains of mine. I just can't wrap my head around or about this evil perpetrated against such Innocent's. The lives this tragedy has had an impact upon. The very family of these children and teachers, all Shero's and Hero's in my heart. My Soul has seen this massacre in vision. The Horror is indescribable. My Spirit's have been touched by the utterly horrific mourning the family's of these Souls undertake. Their friends, neighbours, and their nation, The United States Of America. The daily obituaries, the daily burials in their tiny little caskets. I have avoided as much news as possible, for a spell. I am a News junkie and speculate this is a way my inner child wishes to handle this. So I listen to him. We'll wait a spell before we release this sadness, gloom and mourning. The all of me in this 53 year old human shell who still recognizes his little dude within, the adolescent and the Young American Mixed Breed fighting for equal rights for so many of us who live right her in America. Recognizes, folks have to stop the evil.
I have never been able to figure out a certain mystery manifested within that has been a part of who I am since way back in childhood. It tends to stem from the reality's of death and the energy that death creates and manipulates. How death seems to distort time and distract from life. As death takes the life from our very heart. Physically if we're dieing - figuratively if left behind.
I have often wondered what has happened with them who at some point and time in my life meant so much to me. The Kinfolk that were met in passing, like at wedding's, reunions and funerals. Those awesome Kindred Spirit's that were met in therapeutic groups, my peer's and co-workers of jobs that seem to have taken place lifetimes ago. My dear friends from school and the military...
...too many have crossed over and are now members of Heavenly Choirs and are the Angels sent to aid them in need...
Kin, who were Victims of violence, some of it racial, some of it Black on Black crime. Some White on White? Some got involved with the drug scenes, cocaine, heroine, the crack etc. It was their "Drug of Choice", that ended up enveloping and absorbing them into the under world of street life, addiction and death. Be it by overdose, AIDS or murder. Death still = death, Honey's. The dear ones who succumbed to diseases that seem to wreck every family, such as the Cancers, blood and Heart diseases and problems like my dear Mum, and AIDS. Yes, AIDS, this disease took so many Kinfolk and Kindred alike. AIDS, took my loved One's through a living hell and took them all in a slow and dreadfully painful sad demise of the one who was once so real, alive and productive human beings. Like you and me. AIDS, waits and waited and kept waiting, while waiting for their final breathe. Especially, the One most near and dear to me, his name was Mr. Phillip Payton. You see? "Silence = Death", remains too true for me and so many like me. Like you too.
There have been Kin, taken by the automobile accidents and drownings. To die from Asthma. Them Killed In Action. Cousins, who had their planes fall from the sky. One who upped and died while out on a Caribbean cruise holiday. One electrocution, while on the job. Did Worker's Compensation apply? I do not know.
Too so many Suicide's, by 'their' guns, fire, as in self-emulation, pills and more guns. One a shot gun, the other a side arm. My Cousins. I have had suicide living in special quarters in my family's DNA. My DNA. What the fuck? I know it's here in me and if you are kinfolk reading these words, you know you do too. And lie if you want to. Yes, there have been times in my life when I have considered copping out on life. I know now to live, but am not afraid of death.
There are some who I never wish to see again, then there are those I will never see again, because they are long gone. Die, died, dead. Them who were the perpetrators in my lives, past and present. To them, I still say fuck you and to the mothers who gave birth to them and or you, fuck you too. Which in a very peculiar fashion, hits mighty close to home when pertaining to two very specific men who are perpetrator's of sexual abuse. The sexual abuse? The rapes? The Incest! I say, I know, you know, that I know you knew. So fuck you too.
I have often wondered what has happened with them who at some point and time in my life meant so much to me. The Kinfolk that were met in passing, like at wedding's, reunions and funerals. Those awesome Kindred Spirit's that were met in therapeutic groups, peer's and co-workers of jobs that seem to have taken place lifetimes ago, dear friends from school and the military...
...today is a good day to die.
I have never been able to figure out a certain mystery manifested within that has been a part of who I am since way back in childhood. It tends to stem from the reality's of death and the energy that death creates and manipulates. How death seems to distort time and distract from life. As death takes the life from our very heart. Physically if we're dieing - figuratively if left behind.
I have often wondered what has happened with them who at some point and time in my life meant so much to me. The Kinfolk that were met in passing, like at wedding's, reunions and funerals. Those awesome Kindred Spirit's that were met in therapeutic groups, my peer's and co-workers of jobs that seem to have taken place lifetimes ago. My dear friends from school and the military...
...too many have crossed over and are now members of Heavenly Choirs and are the Angels sent to aid them in need...
Kin, who were Victims of violence, some of it racial, some of it Black on Black crime. Some White on White? Some got involved with the drug scenes, cocaine, heroine, the crack etc. It was their "Drug of Choice", that ended up enveloping and absorbing them into the under world of street life, addiction and death. Be it by overdose, AIDS or murder. Death still = death, Honey's. The dear ones who succumbed to diseases that seem to wreck every family, such as the Cancers, blood and Heart diseases and problems like my dear Mum, and AIDS. Yes, AIDS, this disease took so many Kinfolk and Kindred alike. AIDS, took my loved One's through a living hell and took them all in a slow and dreadfully painful sad demise of the one who was once so real, alive and productive human beings. Like you and me. AIDS, waits and waited and kept waiting, while waiting for their final breathe. Especially, the One most near and dear to me, his name was Mr. Phillip Payton. You see? "Silence = Death", remains too true for me and so many like me. Like you too.
There have been Kin, taken by the automobile accidents and drownings. To die from Asthma. Them Killed In Action. Cousins, who had their planes fall from the sky. One who upped and died while out on a Caribbean cruise holiday. One electrocution, while on the job. Did Worker's Compensation apply? I do not know.
Too so many Suicide's, by 'their' guns, fire, as in self-emulation, pills and more guns. One a shot gun, the other a side arm. My Cousins. I have had suicide living in special quarters in my family's DNA. My DNA. What the fuck? I know it's here in me and if you are kinfolk reading these words, you know you do too. And lie if you want to. Yes, there have been times in my life when I have considered copping out on life. I know now to live, but am not afraid of death.
There are some who I never wish to see again, then there are those I will never see again, because they are long gone. Die, died, dead. Them who were the perpetrators in my lives, past and present. To them, I still say fuck you and to the mothers who gave birth to them and or you, fuck you too. Which in a very peculiar fashion, hits mighty close to home when pertaining to two very specific men who are perpetrator's of sexual abuse. The sexual abuse? The rapes? The Incest! I say, I know, you know, that I know you knew. So fuck you too.
I have often wondered what has happened with them who at some point and time in my life meant so much to me. The Kinfolk that were met in passing, like at wedding's, reunions and funerals. Those awesome Kindred Spirit's that were met in therapeutic groups, peer's and co-workers of jobs that seem to have taken place lifetimes ago, dear friends from school and the military...
...today is a good day to die.
Wednesday, December 19, 2012
Meniere's And Doctor Appt., Sounds!
Had a pleasant visit with He-Who-Touched-My-Brain. His staff make me feel like family. From the two beautiful Red Lady's up front to Doctor's Assistant, 'Vonn, who just within the past few months gave birth to a beautiful and so happy boy. "Vonn, herself is looking mighty haute and always so kind. These are some wonderful Folks here. I know this and they know they have themselves a special patient in me. I love them to deaf and I have told doctor so too. What a blessing to have such awesome staff. The Audiologist are all sweet as cotton candy and always treat me as if I am their Uncle. So kind. So loving in genuine manners.
I have not been well with the symptoms of Meniere's and have learned that there is a diagnosis for the periods of non-sleep caused by Meniere's. I forget it off the top of my skull, but when I get it I'll put it on here. Another Diagnosis, yes. I reckon I could've figured...
...the drainage coming from the implant site is common' and the wound that was the wound from hell, has never healed 100%. Good golly, I saw it on the doctor's camera. The area has healed incorrectly yet one more time. (I've known this all along - so it's no surprise for me). I'm just really pleased that doctor was able to see what it is I have spoken of. Same page-ism.
The sounds and noises in my ears are crazy and crazy loud this afternoon. One ear making this and the deaf ear creating it's own pain-in-the-ass sound. Today, there has been a mixture, but through-out the day there has been long and loud beeps. Like this, beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep and longer and much louder than I might describe for you all reading these words. If only.
I have been nauseated off and on major percentage of my day. The sweats same. The dizziness rides around my head like those cartoon characters when they get bonked in the head. One time or two or three where the dizzy got bad - goofy bad. Dangerously bad, so I call time out. Today, the bed has beckoned me several times. Each time I avoided the call of the cool pillows and my blankie. Don't ask, don't tell...
...am still fighting to get into the mood of Christmas. What am I to do? I ask myself. What can I do within my power that can change this down ward trend I have found myself slipping so comfortably into...
...it goes like this with depression. I know. It goes like this with life, I know that too.
These unnaturally loud noises from within are getting so bad that I must stop. Maybe later.
I have not been well with the symptoms of Meniere's and have learned that there is a diagnosis for the periods of non-sleep caused by Meniere's. I forget it off the top of my skull, but when I get it I'll put it on here. Another Diagnosis, yes. I reckon I could've figured...
...the drainage coming from the implant site is common' and the wound that was the wound from hell, has never healed 100%. Good golly, I saw it on the doctor's camera. The area has healed incorrectly yet one more time. (I've known this all along - so it's no surprise for me). I'm just really pleased that doctor was able to see what it is I have spoken of. Same page-ism.
The sounds and noises in my ears are crazy and crazy loud this afternoon. One ear making this and the deaf ear creating it's own pain-in-the-ass sound. Today, there has been a mixture, but through-out the day there has been long and loud beeps. Like this, beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep and longer and much louder than I might describe for you all reading these words. If only.
I have been nauseated off and on major percentage of my day. The sweats same. The dizziness rides around my head like those cartoon characters when they get bonked in the head. One time or two or three where the dizzy got bad - goofy bad. Dangerously bad, so I call time out. Today, the bed has beckoned me several times. Each time I avoided the call of the cool pillows and my blankie. Don't ask, don't tell...
...am still fighting to get into the mood of Christmas. What am I to do? I ask myself. What can I do within my power that can change this down ward trend I have found myself slipping so comfortably into...
...it goes like this with depression. I know. It goes like this with life, I know that too.
These unnaturally loud noises from within are getting so bad that I must stop. Maybe later.
K.D. Lang sings Leonard Cohen's Hallelujah...a note
Brothers and Sisters, My Kinfolk and Kindred,
This song and this video is a way for me to "not" discontinue sending Christmas and Holiday music and video's. I do not know if I will continue daily, but for now I share this one...
...no, I am not the owner of this extraordinary rendition and I suspect in my heart I favor towards Miss. K.D. Lang. I simply need to share this one more time. Her performance here is something I feel in my heart and deeper. The song resonates in a place reserved for those personal and private Kin and moments rare. Those moments in life and on My Path that drive me mad, sad or glad, good, and not so sad. Happy and gay? This is a step in the direction of letting go. I hope. I pray.
You see, something in me changed on the 14th of this month. I felt and feel this energy manifest behind my face and eyes and am unable to describe this terrible sadness. God, take over please.
Something I felt melt in my American heart on that day. Something beyond - I don't know? And please, don't ask beyond what? There's something gone and I want it back. No, I have not gotten to a place of forgiveness yet and still am not sure whether I really have to. That bastard.
NOTE: These are my opinion's and mine alone. I do not speak on the behalf of any body but I.
Heavenly Father, please, bless the family and friends of the them still here on Earth Mother. I know you have blessed them who have joined you, your Angels, new. I pray, My God, your Son Jesus Christ, and Saint Mary, Mother of God. Join the community and make strong your presence to the family's. Saint Mary, please, in these dreadful times of grief and mourning please counsel the Mother's who have lost their children and bless the children who have lost their Mother's. Send your Saint's and Angel's to comfort and care for the Souls of so many.
I have no more to say.
But, Amen.
Tuesday, December 18, 2012
The Numbers Come and The Numbers Go
Nine away from 900 posts for 2012.
277 guests from 17,000 total guests since August 2010..
13 days remain in this month of December 2012.
I listen to "Every Rose Has It's Thorn".
Just like every Cowboy sings a sad sad song.
Meniere's Disease is one of these thorn's. Meniere's and it's symptoms.
I wish to sleep. I don't want anymore twenty four hours of operations.
It doesn't make much sense.
The numbers sure do though. I believe the goals remain realistic...
...+900 posts.
Plus 17,000 guests.
I know I am Blessed.
Was it something I said?
Seen.
277 guests from 17,000 total guests since August 2010..
13 days remain in this month of December 2012.
I listen to "Every Rose Has It's Thorn".
Just like every Cowboy sings a sad sad song.
Meniere's Disease is one of these thorn's. Meniere's and it's symptoms.
I wish to sleep. I don't want anymore twenty four hours of operations.
It doesn't make much sense.
The numbers sure do though. I believe the goals remain realistic...
...+900 posts.
Plus 17,000 guests.
I know I am Blessed.
Was it something I said?
Seen.
Back In 1959 - Mixed Blooded-Ness
Back in 1959, when I first arrived to this country, The United States of America. I was but a thin sack of skin and bones. The doctors were abusive and would flog me across my junk in the trunk. It was a violent introduction, but I was here and was not considering a return from whence I came. Too many legal issues and many many problems would have arisen should I had petitioned such a venture..
America, honest to God, our country was a different America. It sucked something awful if you were not white. Or white like. Mixed Breeds, like me, I speculate always got the shitty end of the stick. I mean, look at this like this - my hair's too kinky and beautifully naturally curly to immense Afro machine making proportions to be a white boy. My light, bright olive skin too white to be black and my Abuelo and Abuela's would speak to me in Spanish and I would respond in English - never having the language of my father's people and them before my Abuela Mary, who is 93 years of age. Because of the loss of my second language I became too white to be Latin/Hispanic...
...my Grandmother Flossie, my Mom's Mom was Cherokee from the South Eastern Peoples and was dark complected. My Mom's Mom married a White man by the name of Roy, my Grandpa Roy. I saw, heard and listened to hatred come from my Grandpa's mouth. There have been family tall tree's forever and one of the tallest is that Grandpa was once associated with a horrific white supremacy organization that covered their faces with white linen. Grandpa never told me this - my Mom did and Grandpa sure did use the ugly term nigger a lot too.
Seem like Grandpa's Whiteness was powerful in the DNA. Could not void the kink and curl in my hair, but the complexion is approaching transparent. My hair all but gone except for around the skull and not covering me like my curls did so well. The Whiteness voided the olive complexion of those who were or are the Hispanic Kinfolk. From whence also came them with dark complexion, Moor's of Northern Africa, and the loss of complexion due to the introduction of the Whiteness onto my skin. Grandpa ensured Grandma Flossie assimilated quite well. Then she died, so I never had the opportunity to meet my Cherokee Grandmother and our Kinfolk from her side of the family.
This is unfortunate really. But imagine having the blood of an African. A Spaniard. A Native Indian Cherokee and folks so white and back country, we were refereed to as hillbilly's.
I get a kick out of my Mixed Blooded-ness. There are times when there are fights within my own skin between the races or the people's. They make me happy too because this Mixed Blooded-ness created a Chameleon that can blend into many an environment. Yes. my Mixed Blood is a Gift. Finally after a life time I am getting to a point where I am able to feel comfortable about it.
America, honest to God, our country was a different America. It sucked something awful if you were not white. Or white like. Mixed Breeds, like me, I speculate always got the shitty end of the stick. I mean, look at this like this - my hair's too kinky and beautifully naturally curly to immense Afro machine making proportions to be a white boy. My light, bright olive skin too white to be black and my Abuelo and Abuela's would speak to me in Spanish and I would respond in English - never having the language of my father's people and them before my Abuela Mary, who is 93 years of age. Because of the loss of my second language I became too white to be Latin/Hispanic...
...my Grandmother Flossie, my Mom's Mom was Cherokee from the South Eastern Peoples and was dark complected. My Mom's Mom married a White man by the name of Roy, my Grandpa Roy. I saw, heard and listened to hatred come from my Grandpa's mouth. There have been family tall tree's forever and one of the tallest is that Grandpa was once associated with a horrific white supremacy organization that covered their faces with white linen. Grandpa never told me this - my Mom did and Grandpa sure did use the ugly term nigger a lot too.
Seem like Grandpa's Whiteness was powerful in the DNA. Could not void the kink and curl in my hair, but the complexion is approaching transparent. My hair all but gone except for around the skull and not covering me like my curls did so well. The Whiteness voided the olive complexion of those who were or are the Hispanic Kinfolk. From whence also came them with dark complexion, Moor's of Northern Africa, and the loss of complexion due to the introduction of the Whiteness onto my skin. Grandpa ensured Grandma Flossie assimilated quite well. Then she died, so I never had the opportunity to meet my Cherokee Grandmother and our Kinfolk from her side of the family.
This is unfortunate really. But imagine having the blood of an African. A Spaniard. A Native Indian Cherokee and folks so white and back country, we were refereed to as hillbilly's.
I get a kick out of my Mixed Blooded-ness. There are times when there are fights within my own skin between the races or the people's. They make me happy too because this Mixed Blooded-ness created a Chameleon that can blend into many an environment. Yes. my Mixed Blood is a Gift. Finally after a life time I am getting to a point where I am able to feel comfortable about it.
A Quick Note; Re: Christmas Music Video's Discontinued
Relations,
Out of respect and mourning, the Christmas Video's that were being shared have been discontinued.
At this time, I do not know if I shall continue.
God Bless Us All!
Love, peace and peace, My Path
Out of respect and mourning, the Christmas Video's that were being shared have been discontinued.
At this time, I do not know if I shall continue.
God Bless Us All!
Love, peace and peace, My Path
Servitude
Kindred,
I have recently had the realization that I am here on Mother earth in a position of Servitude.
This is a place in my mind and being. With-in, this energy, my capacity to thrive is here I thrive. Passion is an understatement.
No, it is not because I place my-self lower than others, it is actually something so simple.
I simply place myself in the position to enlighten One or Another crossing My Path.
You would be amazed at how often, smiles are contagious. Or a simple Good Afternoon is soothing to the brain's muscles. The statistics based are on a self study that indicates high release of endorphins when placed in a jolly place with one who is jolly. Seen. Yes?
Oh yes, and do wait one second real quick like. I very well do recognize my boundaries and the boundaries of others. So, yes I do enjoy expressing myself in ways that might offer a reader a different point of view. Or share something Folks did not know about I and I, but there is a line.
Life in Servitude, for me, is offering this one ear to listen to One in need of a good talk. This has provided insight into how others in my area - within range of my aura, are influenced very simply by One who is kind, has respect and has tasted the flavour of Serenity. Solitude.
All of this is free and we all have the same access as I and Kindred.
What the world needs now is love sweet love...
...with God's Grace we will know what peace is...
I believe.
I have recently had the realization that I am here on Mother earth in a position of Servitude.
This is a place in my mind and being. With-in, this energy, my capacity to thrive is here I thrive. Passion is an understatement.
No, it is not because I place my-self lower than others, it is actually something so simple.
I simply place myself in the position to enlighten One or Another crossing My Path.
You would be amazed at how often, smiles are contagious. Or a simple Good Afternoon is soothing to the brain's muscles. The statistics based are on a self study that indicates high release of endorphins when placed in a jolly place with one who is jolly. Seen. Yes?
Oh yes, and do wait one second real quick like. I very well do recognize my boundaries and the boundaries of others. So, yes I do enjoy expressing myself in ways that might offer a reader a different point of view. Or share something Folks did not know about I and I, but there is a line.
Life in Servitude, for me, is offering this one ear to listen to One in need of a good talk. This has provided insight into how others in my area - within range of my aura, are influenced very simply by One who is kind, has respect and has tasted the flavour of Serenity. Solitude.
All of this is free and we all have the same access as I and Kindred.
What the world needs now is love sweet love...
...with God's Grace we will know what peace is...
I believe.
Yes! This Is A "Share And Tell"! Maybe I am, Truths And Meniere's
Kindred,
There are a few things I would like to share this evening. Depending on how much I do share and how deep I go will determine where this communique heads.
1. Okay, just maybe I am cut from a different cloth than most folks you know. Same applies to me that this is true for me too. So look, we have something in common already. What gets my panties all knotted up is when Kin disrespect, the Spirit who is I. And I who am I.
2. I have said time and time again that I am who I am. I am still not a fully developed walking Spirit or Human - I am a work in progress. Have many more Paths I will encounter. It is an exciting thing for me. Learning Life and learning to live.
3. 2013, is going to be a spectacular year and I have this certainty that this is it! It is the time for some busting out of exile, my brothers and sisters. Please remember these words I say.
4. Prior to last nights medically induce sleep - I had been awake close to forty hours on zero sleep. This is something that my Internal Doctor felt compelled to offer a white buffered pill that induces sleep. Not rest, but sleep. I could have died today and wouldn't have known until Jesus and I were having a face to face and sipping on a cup of coffee..
5. Sometimes during these periods of no sleep I feel a sort of detachment from my being. Me and I - my very Being. Sometimes, I am able to sense the synchronicity of Life and My Path. I am able to feel it with my mind, body and Spirit's. This is truth. I am alive with this in my DNA.
5. There has been something about the Connecticut massacre that I am unable to shake off. This remains heavy in my cortex. My inner most workings have been forever affected by the events of that day. Oh yes, I feel the same as when America was attacked on 11 September 2001. I could feel the same ache in my heart Sunday when I broke my silence.
6. No worries, I'm not getting back into the ranting and whole soap box thing. God is with me.
7. I miss Cherokee very much and ever so deeply. My eye's see your mountains Cherokee, as my feelings and emotions sense being at home and reunited. My batteries are so recharged when able to visit Cherokee for a spell. Good Medicine.
8. My Great One, I hear the drums beat strongly for a good and strong dance from with in this ear that is sometimes very hard of hearing. On good days, I am able to tolerate sounds that are not too loud or too low. On these days, I also look at the lips of folks speaking with me. Crazy stuff, this self-taught lip reading. Tomorrow I will call one who has been refereed to me by my Vocational Rehabilitation counselor, for community out reach for those interested in learning American Sign Language. I do.
9. Ya-Hey! Let me share this with you, my guests and Kin! I called a communications company earlier today checking in to see if they might offer discounts to folks who are deaf and hard of hearing. The good right kind young lady refereed me to Tallahassee, Florida and the Dept. of Vocational Rehabilitation! Can you imagine that? I was enlightened.
10. Which initiated a motivation to call and connect with She-Who-Will-Guide-Many. It was nice to talk. She filled me in on some of this and I shared with her some of that. A good talk. Sadly, I am not far along enough in the process to be eligible for the aids I have been wishing for. Good God, it's only the truth. These are a couple of tools that would enhance my safety and well being. Just this afternoon, I was reminded to please keep the satellite door bell plugged in. A post with several boxes had arrived and if not for the howls and going on's with the hounds - I would have never known that someone had rang the door bell. Yes, it is sad that I must put these types of tools into my way of life or my day-to-day, but I know what I am doing. It is right.
11. It is called taking care of myself. I have a life to live and a Path to follow. So I will.
12. I have two young Human friends who live across this pond called a bay who are so cool and so awesome and I love them so much. I do as if they were my niece and nephew. Yes, the list of youth and the Innocent one's forever will enlighten me to different ways of looking at life, people and politics. I think of that little dude in the closet up there in that Connecticut school, with his sixteen class mates and teacher - while children down the hall were being slaughtered. Teachers, the principle and a doctor, were assassinated because they were putting themselves in the position to protect these very children under the roof of this place that has now become hollowed ground. Ya-Hey, this young fellow told his teacher and mates that he knows Judo and he would lead the way. !Yes! That Lil' Dude is an American! My Good God! These who are our little fellow human spirit's and are really so cool little individuals who are absolutely for real little Folks. My Good God!
13. Meniere's Disease, has been unkind for days. Sweats at nines and tens. Nausea at my throat and vomit into my mouth. Dizzy spells that are very uncomfortable. The periods of no sleep or too much sleep from the bi-lateral Meniere's Disease, the vertigo attacks and the symptoms of this have rendered me completely stomped and whooped. My entire body is sore, I ache and some areas are pained.
14. Behind my left ear, as in 'in' my ear' there has been hurt so bad. The strikes of neurological nerve lightening hurts so very bad. My face has been cramping on the left side and I have had my neck hurt me so I have wept. Great Spirit, please come to my aid.
15. I recently purchased a can of Key Lime Pie filling. It looked so delicious and I love Key Lime Pie and I love Key Wes too! But yes, I bought this pie filling thinking it was Key Lime Pie filling from Key West. But, oh no, this is manufactured in Pennsylvania. Honey's, I assumed. Yes.
16. This can of Key Lime Pie filling from Pennsylvania, that looks so awesome is in my pantry but we have no pie crusts to prepare this pie. This reminds me of the scenario where we might have the cool aid but not have the sugar. Or have cereal but no milk. Peanut Butter but no onions! Dig?
17. I am so trying to get in the Spirit of Christmas. Really, I am. More prayer: Note To Self.
18. Ya-Hey! I have not shared this yet so let me share this now! During review of labs with my Internal Medicine Doctor, we discovered with very much glee that my labs had come across 100% Green! Yes, oh yes, oh yes! Oh my "Goodness Gracious Great Balls On Fire!"! Yes, I am cheerful about these latest numbers. I will have a visit with laboratory in six months. HA! I can't wait.
19. Mom, I miss you so much!
20. 2013 approaches like a heard of Buffalo off in the prairie not too far away. Sounds like a constant rolling thunder, en'it? A break through year will soon be here. I am prepared and will prepare myself and My Path for more awesome lessons and journeys in my life. Yes? Yes!
21. Honorable Daughter Number One. I am missing you. Missing you so much it is difficult for me to truly express what it is in my Daddy Heart. I see your Mom and I see in your sister, that we all have this in common. We all miss you, Boo! And Honey, I know that you have these same feelings and emotions too. I feel your heart in mine even though thousands of miles separate me from you. My first born. God Nicole, I love you my dear daughter. With all of my heart, mind, body and Soul, I love you.
22. Yes, Daughter, I know you feel this way too. I mean, my shopping buddy is in a land so far and far away. Good goodness, you know that I know you know, we would have been out and about doing our thing. Shop till we dropped or the mall closes on us. Which we have done many a time in our day's. What memories! God, I miss you.
23. Rowena, my Honorable Daughter Number Two. Thank you for such an awesome week end. I am sorry I let you down by not going with you and maw to the store with the big red dot - but, I bet we'll attack soon. True? Sam, I am so proud of my tiny little baby that became a sparkle in my eye and heart. I miss not seeing you as much or as often as I would love. Yes, sure I know you and Mom would double team me, but that's okay too. I know in my heart it is a packaged deal.
24. I have had to take some serious ass inventory and have deduced that I am but a brilliant work in progress with work to do and I am aware I have much to do. What, with my commitment to a better Health, Mind, Body and Spirit's - I see clearly that this is going to take practice. And work. I know this. It is also going to require much motivation and a drive to get to what I have envisioned. I think that the laboratory test results are excellent examples of good indicators. Intentions. Seen.
25. My Dearest Guest's, I do wish to say to one and all thank you 1,000,000 times for your love, prayer and support. Knowing that Kindred and Kinfolk will read these words calms me and releases the idea of any negativity's. I have none here with this communique. Humbled. Blessed. My dear sweet quests. What a privilege to be in the company of so many fellow Earth Mates. Thank you all so very much.
I have no more to say about this.
Until the next time, love, peace and more peace, My Path.
There are a few things I would like to share this evening. Depending on how much I do share and how deep I go will determine where this communique heads.
1. Okay, just maybe I am cut from a different cloth than most folks you know. Same applies to me that this is true for me too. So look, we have something in common already. What gets my panties all knotted up is when Kin disrespect, the Spirit who is I. And I who am I.
2. I have said time and time again that I am who I am. I am still not a fully developed walking Spirit or Human - I am a work in progress. Have many more Paths I will encounter. It is an exciting thing for me. Learning Life and learning to live.
3. 2013, is going to be a spectacular year and I have this certainty that this is it! It is the time for some busting out of exile, my brothers and sisters. Please remember these words I say.
4. Prior to last nights medically induce sleep - I had been awake close to forty hours on zero sleep. This is something that my Internal Doctor felt compelled to offer a white buffered pill that induces sleep. Not rest, but sleep. I could have died today and wouldn't have known until Jesus and I were having a face to face and sipping on a cup of coffee..
5. Sometimes during these periods of no sleep I feel a sort of detachment from my being. Me and I - my very Being. Sometimes, I am able to sense the synchronicity of Life and My Path. I am able to feel it with my mind, body and Spirit's. This is truth. I am alive with this in my DNA.
5. There has been something about the Connecticut massacre that I am unable to shake off. This remains heavy in my cortex. My inner most workings have been forever affected by the events of that day. Oh yes, I feel the same as when America was attacked on 11 September 2001. I could feel the same ache in my heart Sunday when I broke my silence.
6. No worries, I'm not getting back into the ranting and whole soap box thing. God is with me.
7. I miss Cherokee very much and ever so deeply. My eye's see your mountains Cherokee, as my feelings and emotions sense being at home and reunited. My batteries are so recharged when able to visit Cherokee for a spell. Good Medicine.
8. My Great One, I hear the drums beat strongly for a good and strong dance from with in this ear that is sometimes very hard of hearing. On good days, I am able to tolerate sounds that are not too loud or too low. On these days, I also look at the lips of folks speaking with me. Crazy stuff, this self-taught lip reading. Tomorrow I will call one who has been refereed to me by my Vocational Rehabilitation counselor, for community out reach for those interested in learning American Sign Language. I do.
9. Ya-Hey! Let me share this with you, my guests and Kin! I called a communications company earlier today checking in to see if they might offer discounts to folks who are deaf and hard of hearing. The good right kind young lady refereed me to Tallahassee, Florida and the Dept. of Vocational Rehabilitation! Can you imagine that? I was enlightened.
10. Which initiated a motivation to call and connect with She-Who-Will-Guide-Many. It was nice to talk. She filled me in on some of this and I shared with her some of that. A good talk. Sadly, I am not far along enough in the process to be eligible for the aids I have been wishing for. Good God, it's only the truth. These are a couple of tools that would enhance my safety and well being. Just this afternoon, I was reminded to please keep the satellite door bell plugged in. A post with several boxes had arrived and if not for the howls and going on's with the hounds - I would have never known that someone had rang the door bell. Yes, it is sad that I must put these types of tools into my way of life or my day-to-day, but I know what I am doing. It is right.
11. It is called taking care of myself. I have a life to live and a Path to follow. So I will.
12. I have two young Human friends who live across this pond called a bay who are so cool and so awesome and I love them so much. I do as if they were my niece and nephew. Yes, the list of youth and the Innocent one's forever will enlighten me to different ways of looking at life, people and politics. I think of that little dude in the closet up there in that Connecticut school, with his sixteen class mates and teacher - while children down the hall were being slaughtered. Teachers, the principle and a doctor, were assassinated because they were putting themselves in the position to protect these very children under the roof of this place that has now become hollowed ground. Ya-Hey, this young fellow told his teacher and mates that he knows Judo and he would lead the way. !Yes! That Lil' Dude is an American! My Good God! These who are our little fellow human spirit's and are really so cool little individuals who are absolutely for real little Folks. My Good God!
13. Meniere's Disease, has been unkind for days. Sweats at nines and tens. Nausea at my throat and vomit into my mouth. Dizzy spells that are very uncomfortable. The periods of no sleep or too much sleep from the bi-lateral Meniere's Disease, the vertigo attacks and the symptoms of this have rendered me completely stomped and whooped. My entire body is sore, I ache and some areas are pained.
14. Behind my left ear, as in 'in' my ear' there has been hurt so bad. The strikes of neurological nerve lightening hurts so very bad. My face has been cramping on the left side and I have had my neck hurt me so I have wept. Great Spirit, please come to my aid.
15. I recently purchased a can of Key Lime Pie filling. It looked so delicious and I love Key Lime Pie and I love Key Wes too! But yes, I bought this pie filling thinking it was Key Lime Pie filling from Key West. But, oh no, this is manufactured in Pennsylvania. Honey's, I assumed. Yes.
16. This can of Key Lime Pie filling from Pennsylvania, that looks so awesome is in my pantry but we have no pie crusts to prepare this pie. This reminds me of the scenario where we might have the cool aid but not have the sugar. Or have cereal but no milk. Peanut Butter but no onions! Dig?
17. I am so trying to get in the Spirit of Christmas. Really, I am. More prayer: Note To Self.
18. Ya-Hey! I have not shared this yet so let me share this now! During review of labs with my Internal Medicine Doctor, we discovered with very much glee that my labs had come across 100% Green! Yes, oh yes, oh yes! Oh my "Goodness Gracious Great Balls On Fire!"! Yes, I am cheerful about these latest numbers. I will have a visit with laboratory in six months. HA! I can't wait.
19. Mom, I miss you so much!
20. 2013 approaches like a heard of Buffalo off in the prairie not too far away. Sounds like a constant rolling thunder, en'it? A break through year will soon be here. I am prepared and will prepare myself and My Path for more awesome lessons and journeys in my life. Yes? Yes!
21. Honorable Daughter Number One. I am missing you. Missing you so much it is difficult for me to truly express what it is in my Daddy Heart. I see your Mom and I see in your sister, that we all have this in common. We all miss you, Boo! And Honey, I know that you have these same feelings and emotions too. I feel your heart in mine even though thousands of miles separate me from you. My first born. God Nicole, I love you my dear daughter. With all of my heart, mind, body and Soul, I love you.
22. Yes, Daughter, I know you feel this way too. I mean, my shopping buddy is in a land so far and far away. Good goodness, you know that I know you know, we would have been out and about doing our thing. Shop till we dropped or the mall closes on us. Which we have done many a time in our day's. What memories! God, I miss you.
23. Rowena, my Honorable Daughter Number Two. Thank you for such an awesome week end. I am sorry I let you down by not going with you and maw to the store with the big red dot - but, I bet we'll attack soon. True? Sam, I am so proud of my tiny little baby that became a sparkle in my eye and heart. I miss not seeing you as much or as often as I would love. Yes, sure I know you and Mom would double team me, but that's okay too. I know in my heart it is a packaged deal.
24. I have had to take some serious ass inventory and have deduced that I am but a brilliant work in progress with work to do and I am aware I have much to do. What, with my commitment to a better Health, Mind, Body and Spirit's - I see clearly that this is going to take practice. And work. I know this. It is also going to require much motivation and a drive to get to what I have envisioned. I think that the laboratory test results are excellent examples of good indicators. Intentions. Seen.
25. My Dearest Guest's, I do wish to say to one and all thank you 1,000,000 times for your love, prayer and support. Knowing that Kindred and Kinfolk will read these words calms me and releases the idea of any negativity's. I have none here with this communique. Humbled. Blessed. My dear sweet quests. What a privilege to be in the company of so many fellow Earth Mates. Thank you all so very much.
I have no more to say about this.
Until the next time, love, peace and more peace, My Path.
Sunday, December 16, 2012
The Joy And Grace The Young One's Bring, God Bless America
Kindred,
I have intentionally not gone about my day as usual since the massacre in Connecticut. I have avoided any debate, excuses or justification's for what this exceptionally evil coward dog has done. He who shot the woman who carried him in her womb for nine months and suffered the Woman's torment of birth. Shooting her in her face. His Mommy's face. A Mother's beautiful face.
I think of the joy and grace I was gifted by the miracle's of my two daughters being born. Both so teenier than tiny. Our first was the light skinned one and our second the olive complexion of her mixed heritage. These two baby's, these two girls, and now grown Women, have honored their Dad with a damned good education. And I didn't even have a manual or a three or four or five page mimeographed list of recommendations and directions. I had the joy and privilege of being a Super Dad, taught by professional children being children.
I would go pick my Little Women up from school and stand out by the fences with the other 'Moms' and gossip and yackity-yack and cluck-clucking like a half dozen hens in a hen house. The happiness's and excitement's of seeing their faces when they saw their Pa over there with the Lady's. Bringing home projects and art work created in a safe, quiet and well educated community. Oh God, yes, there were the little stuffs and the scandals and dramas, but there were also so many memories that have filled our lives with love and joy of the heart. Those memories that live in the Spirit as well as the memory of the mind.
Friday, 14 December 2012, at the time of the massacre I was in the Little Blue Bus on my way to my doctors clinic and was cut off from the outside world. While at the clinic and lab the stereo overhead was playing Christmas music. I remember very specifically listening to Dean Martin sing one of his popular Christmas tunes. The staff had been made aware that I was taking the HARTPlus bus and would have to be out by 1245 or be abandoned in South Tampa. The staff worked extra hard to ensure that I was able to get out and catch my Little Blue Bus. I was on my way home when one of my baby sisters called to share with me the tragic and catastrophic news coming out of Connecticut. I felt my heart skip beats and an anger develop deep within.
Back when my daughters were between five and ten, because of mine and my wife's work schedules I was able to do a lot of the cooking for my family of four. Also did alot of the buying of clothes and sneakers they wore. My daughters have meant my life to me. I'm not sure, but I may have recently commented that I would die for my daughters and my wife - I would also kill for them. And do so with clear conscience.
Let me share this about some of the other young one's, Kinfolk and Kindred who bring joy and a God's Blessed love into my heart and Spirit's. My baby sister Roxie, brought two bundle's of joy later than her older sibling's. Roxie's two are nine and seven. I love them with all of my heart. That Tong-Tong, is the Star in my eye - he does no wrong. It is in the blood that I would die for these two young, handsome and brilliant children. I would also stand next to their Father and kill for them too. And do so with a clear conscience. My sister Rosie, gifted me with a nephew back in 1984. Our names are the same, 1017. I love him with all of my heart and love him as if he were my Son. My nephew has also made his Tio/Uncle proud as a Father knowing his son has just counted coup. 1017, has married a niece for our family and she has blessed our family with two absolutely beautiful and extraordinary nieces. He-Who-Is-A Little-Big-Man, is my nephew from their union. He too is an innocent. My two beautiful little nieces are wee young children - they are perfect in my eyes and my eyes see two Earth Angels. It is in our blood that I would die for my nephew and his wife, my niece, Good-Mother and my beautiful innocent and beautiful nieces who love their Tio so very much. Sometimes I cry from the distance and time that separates us.
It was just last Friday, 7 December, when I spent the day with a very true good friend and then that afternoon with his son at his school. We watched Lil' Man and other children play football. They were miniature Dione "Neon" Sanders out there and Bo Jackson's and Dan Marino's out on that field. Innocent's, between the ages of five and ten, like my daughters were once - just a Dad's short few years ago. Roxie's two, my nephew 1017 and Good Mother''s three. My Indian niece, She-Who-Is-Wise, has blessed me with a young nephew, also between the age of five and ten.
These young innocent one's who are just beginning to see life and make buddy's and toss ball, are Great Spirit's Blessings and gifts to us, the parents of the Innocent ones.
To have such a coward dog take such treasures from Mom's and Dad's, Grandma's and Grandpa's, cousins, aunts and uncles...
...brother sand sisters. Is inhumane.
As I read and listen to the horrors of living on this planet, such as the Wars, the Genocides, the Massacres abroad where our children from other lands - those innocent ones across the ponds that are being slaughtered daily, remind me so sadly, that in this country, massacres have been just as American as Baseball and Apple Pie.
Once I got home I put on the American Broadcasting Company and watched and listened and watched and listened to so much of the same thing and the same photos - the one with the little fellow with his hands over his mouth has been branded onto my heart, that I feel such a deep hatred to the coward perpetrator. I include his father and his brother too. Irrational or not. It is.
I cried myself to sleep that afternoon.
My heart seems to be skipping beats as I get closer to the end of this communique.
I have held off talking about this massacre because of the harsh emotional impact it has had on my Spirit's and my Soul. The respect and love I have for this so very young next generation has been effected. For me the talking of my Soul is unheard of - this coward through unnecessary horror and blood shed of the Innocent's affected my Soul.
This dog has been damned by God, and he shall suffer eternity in hell and God, I pray, may he suffer worse than the fires of Hell. I beg of you God, let hm die 27 times over and over, then 27 X 27 times more. It has been written, please My Lord, let it be so.
God, Bless the Souls of the Little Angels that were slaughtered. God Bless the teachers who sacrificed their lives for the innocent ones. God, please, forever be near and not stray far from the parents of these children - or their siblings. Or the innocent one's friends, those students who attend the same school. And their parents and their parent's parents.
God Bless America!
I have no more to say.
I have intentionally not gone about my day as usual since the massacre in Connecticut. I have avoided any debate, excuses or justification's for what this exceptionally evil coward dog has done. He who shot the woman who carried him in her womb for nine months and suffered the Woman's torment of birth. Shooting her in her face. His Mommy's face. A Mother's beautiful face.
I think of the joy and grace I was gifted by the miracle's of my two daughters being born. Both so teenier than tiny. Our first was the light skinned one and our second the olive complexion of her mixed heritage. These two baby's, these two girls, and now grown Women, have honored their Dad with a damned good education. And I didn't even have a manual or a three or four or five page mimeographed list of recommendations and directions. I had the joy and privilege of being a Super Dad, taught by professional children being children.
I would go pick my Little Women up from school and stand out by the fences with the other 'Moms' and gossip and yackity-yack and cluck-clucking like a half dozen hens in a hen house. The happiness's and excitement's of seeing their faces when they saw their Pa over there with the Lady's. Bringing home projects and art work created in a safe, quiet and well educated community. Oh God, yes, there were the little stuffs and the scandals and dramas, but there were also so many memories that have filled our lives with love and joy of the heart. Those memories that live in the Spirit as well as the memory of the mind.
Friday, 14 December 2012, at the time of the massacre I was in the Little Blue Bus on my way to my doctors clinic and was cut off from the outside world. While at the clinic and lab the stereo overhead was playing Christmas music. I remember very specifically listening to Dean Martin sing one of his popular Christmas tunes. The staff had been made aware that I was taking the HARTPlus bus and would have to be out by 1245 or be abandoned in South Tampa. The staff worked extra hard to ensure that I was able to get out and catch my Little Blue Bus. I was on my way home when one of my baby sisters called to share with me the tragic and catastrophic news coming out of Connecticut. I felt my heart skip beats and an anger develop deep within.
Back when my daughters were between five and ten, because of mine and my wife's work schedules I was able to do a lot of the cooking for my family of four. Also did alot of the buying of clothes and sneakers they wore. My daughters have meant my life to me. I'm not sure, but I may have recently commented that I would die for my daughters and my wife - I would also kill for them. And do so with clear conscience.
Let me share this about some of the other young one's, Kinfolk and Kindred who bring joy and a God's Blessed love into my heart and Spirit's. My baby sister Roxie, brought two bundle's of joy later than her older sibling's. Roxie's two are nine and seven. I love them with all of my heart. That Tong-Tong, is the Star in my eye - he does no wrong. It is in the blood that I would die for these two young, handsome and brilliant children. I would also stand next to their Father and kill for them too. And do so with a clear conscience. My sister Rosie, gifted me with a nephew back in 1984. Our names are the same, 1017. I love him with all of my heart and love him as if he were my Son. My nephew has also made his Tio/Uncle proud as a Father knowing his son has just counted coup. 1017, has married a niece for our family and she has blessed our family with two absolutely beautiful and extraordinary nieces. He-Who-Is-A Little-Big-Man, is my nephew from their union. He too is an innocent. My two beautiful little nieces are wee young children - they are perfect in my eyes and my eyes see two Earth Angels. It is in our blood that I would die for my nephew and his wife, my niece, Good-Mother and my beautiful innocent and beautiful nieces who love their Tio so very much. Sometimes I cry from the distance and time that separates us.
It was just last Friday, 7 December, when I spent the day with a very true good friend and then that afternoon with his son at his school. We watched Lil' Man and other children play football. They were miniature Dione "Neon" Sanders out there and Bo Jackson's and Dan Marino's out on that field. Innocent's, between the ages of five and ten, like my daughters were once - just a Dad's short few years ago. Roxie's two, my nephew 1017 and Good Mother''s three. My Indian niece, She-Who-Is-Wise, has blessed me with a young nephew, also between the age of five and ten.
These young innocent one's who are just beginning to see life and make buddy's and toss ball, are Great Spirit's Blessings and gifts to us, the parents of the Innocent ones.
To have such a coward dog take such treasures from Mom's and Dad's, Grandma's and Grandpa's, cousins, aunts and uncles...
...brother sand sisters. Is inhumane.
As I read and listen to the horrors of living on this planet, such as the Wars, the Genocides, the Massacres abroad where our children from other lands - those innocent ones across the ponds that are being slaughtered daily, remind me so sadly, that in this country, massacres have been just as American as Baseball and Apple Pie.
Once I got home I put on the American Broadcasting Company and watched and listened and watched and listened to so much of the same thing and the same photos - the one with the little fellow with his hands over his mouth has been branded onto my heart, that I feel such a deep hatred to the coward perpetrator. I include his father and his brother too. Irrational or not. It is.
I cried myself to sleep that afternoon.
My heart seems to be skipping beats as I get closer to the end of this communique.
I have held off talking about this massacre because of the harsh emotional impact it has had on my Spirit's and my Soul. The respect and love I have for this so very young next generation has been effected. For me the talking of my Soul is unheard of - this coward through unnecessary horror and blood shed of the Innocent's affected my Soul.
This dog has been damned by God, and he shall suffer eternity in hell and God, I pray, may he suffer worse than the fires of Hell. I beg of you God, let hm die 27 times over and over, then 27 X 27 times more. It has been written, please My Lord, let it be so.
God, Bless the Souls of the Little Angels that were slaughtered. God Bless the teachers who sacrificed their lives for the innocent ones. God, please, forever be near and not stray far from the parents of these children - or their siblings. Or the innocent one's friends, those students who attend the same school. And their parents and their parent's parents.
God Bless America!
I have no more to say.
Friday, December 14, 2012
I Spell Relief, S.L.E.E.P., Meniere's And Monty
There was in fact the gift of sleep through-out the night - wasn't even necessary once to remove myself from the comfort for a visit to bath - wasn't disturbed once and I feel well rested and strong this morning. Blessed.
Soon I'll be off to visit with She-Who-Know-My-Innards. The urgency I feel in my gut is the same urgency I wish for them to have as soon as they see me come in to register. I bet I have already planted seed with two folks there about my being seen straight away because I do wish to be abandoned there at her facilities. Please. Somebody would end dialing the 911 emergency over the commotion and mis-understanding's that would not be taking place. I thought you knew.
I am wearing my Big Boy panties today. No they're not panties, per se, these are some nice snug-all-the-right-places, Whitey-tighty's. Not too tight, fits me just right and I think they're outta sight! In my minds eye orbs the Men's Whitey-Tighty look the same as Big Girl panties, you see? Yeah, it's true. Next time you put on a pair take a look and see. Although my camel toe bulges outward rather than inwards, it surely makes me a happy boy. It would have been weird to have it any other way, shape or form. That's such so pun's-sh, en'it?
Any ways...
...I sure wish Meniere's would let up a spell. Please. I have Bubba's birthday party to go to tomorrow and I'm so excited for him and I can't wait to go and I understand that it isn't his fault that his Mom gave birth to him like two weeks from Christmas. It's his Mama's fault! Damn it! Bubba!
Getting back to this doctor appointment in a spell, I do look forward to a grand face-to-face, have an excellent exchange of communications, take an inventory of last labs and then be off and prepared for my Lil' Blue Bus. Honey's, it would be best for my blood pressure. You know?
Look, if I left it up to others to get shit done - shit wouldn't get done. So I have influences and an awesomely sweet demeanor.
Gotta go!
Love Always,
Monty
Soon I'll be off to visit with She-Who-Know-My-Innards. The urgency I feel in my gut is the same urgency I wish for them to have as soon as they see me come in to register. I bet I have already planted seed with two folks there about my being seen straight away because I do wish to be abandoned there at her facilities. Please. Somebody would end dialing the 911 emergency over the commotion and mis-understanding's that would not be taking place. I thought you knew.
I am wearing my Big Boy panties today. No they're not panties, per se, these are some nice snug-all-the-right-places, Whitey-tighty's. Not too tight, fits me just right and I think they're outta sight! In my minds eye orbs the Men's Whitey-Tighty look the same as Big Girl panties, you see? Yeah, it's true. Next time you put on a pair take a look and see. Although my camel toe bulges outward rather than inwards, it surely makes me a happy boy. It would have been weird to have it any other way, shape or form. That's such so pun's-sh, en'it?
Any ways...
...I sure wish Meniere's would let up a spell. Please. I have Bubba's birthday party to go to tomorrow and I'm so excited for him and I can't wait to go and I understand that it isn't his fault that his Mom gave birth to him like two weeks from Christmas. It's his Mama's fault! Damn it! Bubba!
Getting back to this doctor appointment in a spell, I do look forward to a grand face-to-face, have an excellent exchange of communications, take an inventory of last labs and then be off and prepared for my Lil' Blue Bus. Honey's, it would be best for my blood pressure. You know?
Look, if I left it up to others to get shit done - shit wouldn't get done. So I have influences and an awesomely sweet demeanor.
Gotta go!
Love Always,
Monty
Thursday, December 13, 2012
Captured Rest, Yes, But Missed Doctor Visit Today
I was able to capture a total of six hours sleep scattered about most of today - an hour or two there and here. My mind and Spirit's feel better but these knuckles, bones and body innards tell me there's more sleep to get a hold of. I will. That rest and relaxation thing is not enough when I need to get some good sleep. The compensation piece is the part where I am able to taste the sweet flavour of undisturbed sleep. I have noticed that when I approach sixty or so hours with very little sleep or none for that matter, my body tends to go in some form of auto pilot - with my mind heading this way and my body not heading anywhere too fast at all. Tonight, I'll take care to have those thoughts and sensations of pills and tablets floating in my system. Sleep, which just may come sooner than later - I pray, shall require I take my medications as ordered...
...there's so much in life and so much to do with life to miss out when my body and mind are on auto pilot or when my entire being is sleeping because of this Meniere's. I totally get that the sleep and the non-sleep are all related to Meniere's. Yes, but damn, I understand it as a thought - it doesn't make it an ounce easier reading or hearing myself say this. That's a matter of reality in my day-to-day, Meniere's and it's many forms and shapes.
My In-Laws car broke down on the way to to pick me up for my appointment with He-Who-Touched-My-Brain. I felt really bad for them because they sure didn't need the added expense of auto repair. The appointment has been rescheduled for next Wednesday, 19 December. That seems like so next week, but what can one do when life happens. Ride the wave of course. I am sorry I missed my appointment with Dr. D. It was so necessary. It was so very kind of 'Von from Doctor's clinic to call and check up on me. Bless her sweet heart. The trip for next week is scheduled and may God Bless that this pain and drainage subsides. If not, there is a trip to the emergency department for me - with no doubt in mind.
At 1800, my mother-in-law called to let me know that the auto has been repaired. I am happy to hear and thankful that it was nothing too major. I felt as if it was my fault for the break down of their only car. If they were not on there way here - maybe it wouldn't have happened.
In the morrow I have an appointment with my Internal medicine doctor, She-Who-Knows-My-Innards. Am looking forward to this as there are a few topics that need to be addressed. I'll be taking the Lil' Blue Bus on this trip come morning. Will spend a spell down in my old stomping grounds and go to a place where folks know my name.
I have nothing more to say.
...there's so much in life and so much to do with life to miss out when my body and mind are on auto pilot or when my entire being is sleeping because of this Meniere's. I totally get that the sleep and the non-sleep are all related to Meniere's. Yes, but damn, I understand it as a thought - it doesn't make it an ounce easier reading or hearing myself say this. That's a matter of reality in my day-to-day, Meniere's and it's many forms and shapes.
My In-Laws car broke down on the way to to pick me up for my appointment with He-Who-Touched-My-Brain. I felt really bad for them because they sure didn't need the added expense of auto repair. The appointment has been rescheduled for next Wednesday, 19 December. That seems like so next week, but what can one do when life happens. Ride the wave of course. I am sorry I missed my appointment with Dr. D. It was so necessary. It was so very kind of 'Von from Doctor's clinic to call and check up on me. Bless her sweet heart. The trip for next week is scheduled and may God Bless that this pain and drainage subsides. If not, there is a trip to the emergency department for me - with no doubt in mind.
At 1800, my mother-in-law called to let me know that the auto has been repaired. I am happy to hear and thankful that it was nothing too major. I felt as if it was my fault for the break down of their only car. If they were not on there way here - maybe it wouldn't have happened.
In the morrow I have an appointment with my Internal medicine doctor, She-Who-Knows-My-Innards. Am looking forward to this as there are a few topics that need to be addressed. I'll be taking the Lil' Blue Bus on this trip come morning. Will spend a spell down in my old stomping grounds and go to a place where folks know my name.
I have nothing more to say.
Wednesday, December 12, 2012
+48 Hours On Four Hours Of Sleep
Kindred,
I prepare for a return to my safe place with hopes of rest and sleep. My body and many innards are pained and are sore. The left side of my skull continues to hurt. I look forward to the appointment with Dr. D., come later this morning.
My Good God, Doctor, please let us have a good talk and have an excellent face to face. Please, if you happen to catch this come wake up time, please let us speak of these periods of non sleep. As the title indicates, I am going on plus forty-eight hours on four hours sleep...
...Doctor D., please, may we speak of this besides the Migraines and the pain in the immediate area of the implant. There must be some sort of reasoning behind this insomnia that has so recently returned to my way of life. I am knowing that this is a Meniere's and Hearing related issue, so really Doc., I feel in my heart this needs to me addressed between doctor and patient.
I swear, sometimes I feel as if I'm on the verge of madness.
These loud,obnoxious sounds and noises now include them coming from my right ear. Yes, madness. The beeps have returned backed by the sounds of the Serengeti at dawn.
I've no more to say.
I prepare for a return to my safe place with hopes of rest and sleep. My body and many innards are pained and are sore. The left side of my skull continues to hurt. I look forward to the appointment with Dr. D., come later this morning.
My Good God, Doctor, please let us have a good talk and have an excellent face to face. Please, if you happen to catch this come wake up time, please let us speak of these periods of non sleep. As the title indicates, I am going on plus forty-eight hours on four hours sleep...
...Doctor D., please, may we speak of this besides the Migraines and the pain in the immediate area of the implant. There must be some sort of reasoning behind this insomnia that has so recently returned to my way of life. I am knowing that this is a Meniere's and Hearing related issue, so really Doc., I feel in my heart this needs to me addressed between doctor and patient.
I swear, sometimes I feel as if I'm on the verge of madness.
These loud,obnoxious sounds and noises now include them coming from my right ear. Yes, madness. The beeps have returned backed by the sounds of the Serengeti at dawn.
I've no more to say.
Opera Company of Philadelphia "Hallelujah!" Random Act of Culture
Dearest Relations,
I have always loved this version of "Hallelujah"!
I cry every time I listen to it and then, to see and hear how these wonderful Folks pulled off such a Random Act of Grace, I can't help but get goose bumps and cry like a whimpering puppy...
...to see the wonder and surprise of so many customers and fellow folks just joining right on in there. Bless their hearts. I would have been a total mess there in that beautiful mall. So many of my Kindred Spirit's under one roof!
Yes, I am crying.
What Joy! What wonderful Grace!
Happy and Merry Christmas to one and all! Much love, peace and more peace, me
Approaching 17,000 Guests
Kindred,
There is huge potential for us to have 17,000 guests by end of year. I am approximately four hundred seventy-five guests shy and am twenty publications shy of 900.
Honestly, I am both very excited and irrationally anxious about this. Almost as if I'm nervous that I may disappoint the Kindred Spirits and Kinfolk who visit this blog. I don't know why. Yes, I do think like this sometimes. I speculate it is the expectations I place on myself to connect and communicate with as many folks as I possibly can. To share my story and to provide folks a blow by blow talk on the workings inside of someone who deals with bi-lateral Meniere's Disease every day of life.
Back in August of 2010, by motivation of two very dear and beloved friends, I began to share My Path with you, my guests and fellow Earth Mates.
Between August and December of that year I released 71 communiques.
In 2011, there was 291 total...
...and now, with this year reaching 519 MTD, I am nearing the doubling of last years lessons, shares, cry's and laughter too.
I am humbled my Brothers and Sisters, and I thank you all whole heartily. Thank you all and I am filled with much gratitude. A gratitude that will last a life time.
I smile with the peace in heart and mind knowing that what I am doing is the right thing to do.
Love, peace and more peace, Mario's Path
There is huge potential for us to have 17,000 guests by end of year. I am approximately four hundred seventy-five guests shy and am twenty publications shy of 900.
Honestly, I am both very excited and irrationally anxious about this. Almost as if I'm nervous that I may disappoint the Kindred Spirits and Kinfolk who visit this blog. I don't know why. Yes, I do think like this sometimes. I speculate it is the expectations I place on myself to connect and communicate with as many folks as I possibly can. To share my story and to provide folks a blow by blow talk on the workings inside of someone who deals with bi-lateral Meniere's Disease every day of life.
Back in August of 2010, by motivation of two very dear and beloved friends, I began to share My Path with you, my guests and fellow Earth Mates.
Between August and December of that year I released 71 communiques.
In 2011, there was 291 total...
...and now, with this year reaching 519 MTD, I am nearing the doubling of last years lessons, shares, cry's and laughter too.
I am humbled my Brothers and Sisters, and I thank you all whole heartily. Thank you all and I am filled with much gratitude. A gratitude that will last a life time.
I smile with the peace in heart and mind knowing that what I am doing is the right thing to do.
Love, peace and more peace, Mario's Path
Meniere's Disease, 12/12/12
The sound of the original 'clackers' have driven me from my place to rest and sleep. I suspect that some Folks born immediately before me and directly after might remember these toys that ended up being a hazard to play with. This toy consisted of two tough plastic balls attached to a string with a metal ring with which to hold on as you find a rhythmic motion between the two balls and make music like this: clackity-clack-clack-clack-clackity-clack-clack, for as long as one could keep a rhythm going. Which for some came easy and fortunately for me I never sustained any injury to my eyes or face - I may have knocked the stuffing out of my head every once and again, but no injury of true import...
...it's just that here I am forty something years later and I'm listening to these sounds in my deaf left ear, and yes, my ear can't hear because I am deaf in the left, but also because this sound is coming from the brain, not the ear - which scares me to deaf! Tonight, the right ear has provided respite from the racket that's created between these ears.
The above is sponsored by The Meniere's Disease and the family's of the same - meaning the symptoms of this hideous torture that accompanies me daily and nightly too. Another symptom that has bothered me plenty today has been the constant state of dizziness. A truly royal pain in the butt. I spoke about this in an earlier communique - here I am, later on in my day and the dizziness remains. Even being hyper aware and sensitive to my environments today still had me skip-a-step, Mr. Bumper-Car-Dude and He-Takes-One-Step-At-A-Time. When dizzy the business of awareness is paramount. This is and can sometimes be a matter of life and or limb. God knows I've had too many unpleasant thoughts dash through my mind as I stand street side preparing to cross. That's some anxiety provoking rubbish right there. I have had just too many 'almost's' with my balance and coordination. Guide my steps, My Lord.
Nausea has been at or below of my Adams apple. I have had three episodes of bringing up vomit into my mouth but otherwise non-productive. As in no hurling chunks of this or that nature. I have perspired and sweat on and off today. Sometimes so bad it is necessary to wrap this globe-of-a-skull with a bandanna. Or else I am a mess.
Like now.
Tomorrow, I have an appointment with He-Who-Touched-My-Brain. I called last Friday and left message of body fluids draining from the site of implant and pains behind the abutment and behind the ear out of sound. Speaking of which, it is a painful scene for me to wear my BAHA processor, which is major disappointing because it has surely become my third ear. It hurts to place it on, to wear and especially to remove the processor. I am puzzled. Doctor requested yesterday that I come in for a look and see. Kindred, we've come to far and gone too far for something else to happen to this site of implant. Doctor knows this and I am also hoping Doctor D., has some news as far as my new Neurologist there on the TGH and USF Campus. I see tests in my future.
Please let this be so.
I have nothing else to say.
...it's just that here I am forty something years later and I'm listening to these sounds in my deaf left ear, and yes, my ear can't hear because I am deaf in the left, but also because this sound is coming from the brain, not the ear - which scares me to deaf! Tonight, the right ear has provided respite from the racket that's created between these ears.
The above is sponsored by The Meniere's Disease and the family's of the same - meaning the symptoms of this hideous torture that accompanies me daily and nightly too. Another symptom that has bothered me plenty today has been the constant state of dizziness. A truly royal pain in the butt. I spoke about this in an earlier communique - here I am, later on in my day and the dizziness remains. Even being hyper aware and sensitive to my environments today still had me skip-a-step, Mr. Bumper-Car-Dude and He-Takes-One-Step-At-A-Time. When dizzy the business of awareness is paramount. This is and can sometimes be a matter of life and or limb. God knows I've had too many unpleasant thoughts dash through my mind as I stand street side preparing to cross. That's some anxiety provoking rubbish right there. I have had just too many 'almost's' with my balance and coordination. Guide my steps, My Lord.
Nausea has been at or below of my Adams apple. I have had three episodes of bringing up vomit into my mouth but otherwise non-productive. As in no hurling chunks of this or that nature. I have perspired and sweat on and off today. Sometimes so bad it is necessary to wrap this globe-of-a-skull with a bandanna. Or else I am a mess.
Like now.
Tomorrow, I have an appointment with He-Who-Touched-My-Brain. I called last Friday and left message of body fluids draining from the site of implant and pains behind the abutment and behind the ear out of sound. Speaking of which, it is a painful scene for me to wear my BAHA processor, which is major disappointing because it has surely become my third ear. It hurts to place it on, to wear and especially to remove the processor. I am puzzled. Doctor requested yesterday that I come in for a look and see. Kindred, we've come to far and gone too far for something else to happen to this site of implant. Doctor knows this and I am also hoping Doctor D., has some news as far as my new Neurologist there on the TGH and USF Campus. I see tests in my future.
Please let this be so.
I have nothing else to say.
Eartha Kitt with Friends Santa Baby
Dearest One's,
This is right on up there near the top of my top five for sure. What a wonderful song and sung by such a beautiful Woman who just happened to be beautiful inside and out...
...oh my dears, how I have loved me some Eartha Kitt. Yes, I own a compact disc with her greatest hits, I have Miss Eartha, on my i-pod and I can visit her any time I wish. On the You Tube! And yes, I would have had her baby...
...please, if you wait just a minute, you'll get an eye or two full of beautiful Drag Queens. What? Oh, my dear Miss. Eartha, you were so haute and so before your time dahlin'. I miss you too.
Please, you all have a very Merry and Happy Christmas! And I sure hope Santa Baby will visit you all real soon!
Love Always, Monty
P.S. I do not own this video. I simply wish to pass along some Holiday Cheer. That's all.
Witnessed With My One Damned Ear Hole
Good Right Kindred One's,
I have just witnessed in my one ear hole the exceptionally painful, long and long forgotten Christmas song, "The Twelve Days Of Christmas"! I had to wait on the telephone call while a customer relations representative made my call, twenty eight minutes later. My goodness gracious, that just wasn't a nice wait-on-the-telephone. And, wait one moment - these Kindred Folks sang the entire song. I mean from the partridge all the way through...
...and on and on and on and on and over and over and over, and then and then and then?
OH MY GOD! I forgot how obnoxious this holiday favorite really is - no, I really had forgotten the tune all together, until just a wee bit ago. I reckon I would rather listen to a muffler dragging and sparklingly down the avenue than that very, very happy song.
I remember doing a program in elementary for the Christmas season one year. Maybe Grade Four or Five and having to sing this song...
...um, yes, I had let that sit somewhere in the folds of my brain's left upper lobe. Yes, yes I did.
Oh yes, my father was a sing-a-long sort when we were a young pack of seven pups, AND God, YES, my Dad enjoyed the poop out of singing this song. Ma, too all in the car, packed like sardines in one of dad's various means of transportation...
...back then we only had AM radio and there were only so many stations back in the 1960's and early 1970's, so to keep the pack entertained - dad would get us 'all' started on La Cockroacha, French songs, Spanish songs and Christmas songs. Like this one special one right here that would get stuck to the side of my skull. "Five Golden Ring's"...
...and on and on and on and on and over and over and over, and then and then and then?
Happy and A Very Merry Twelve Days Of Christmas To One And All! AHHHhhhhhhhhhhh!!
I have just witnessed in my one ear hole the exceptionally painful, long and long forgotten Christmas song, "The Twelve Days Of Christmas"! I had to wait on the telephone call while a customer relations representative made my call, twenty eight minutes later. My goodness gracious, that just wasn't a nice wait-on-the-telephone. And, wait one moment - these Kindred Folks sang the entire song. I mean from the partridge all the way through...
...and on and on and on and on and over and over and over, and then and then and then?
OH MY GOD! I forgot how obnoxious this holiday favorite really is - no, I really had forgotten the tune all together, until just a wee bit ago. I reckon I would rather listen to a muffler dragging and sparklingly down the avenue than that very, very happy song.
I remember doing a program in elementary for the Christmas season one year. Maybe Grade Four or Five and having to sing this song...
...um, yes, I had let that sit somewhere in the folds of my brain's left upper lobe. Yes, yes I did.
Oh yes, my father was a sing-a-long sort when we were a young pack of seven pups, AND God, YES, my Dad enjoyed the poop out of singing this song. Ma, too all in the car, packed like sardines in one of dad's various means of transportation...
...back then we only had AM radio and there were only so many stations back in the 1960's and early 1970's, so to keep the pack entertained - dad would get us 'all' started on La Cockroacha, French songs, Spanish songs and Christmas songs. Like this one special one right here that would get stuck to the side of my skull. "Five Golden Ring's"...
...and on and on and on and on and over and over and over, and then and then and then?
Happy and A Very Merry Twelve Days Of Christmas To One And All! AHHHhhhhhhhhhhh!!
Meniere's - Four Hours Rest
I have been able to catch four hours sleep and feeling good some what rested. For me, saying something like that is almost ridiculous. I mean really, who gets that type of rest on four hours sleep? Especially with this Meniere's Disease and its symptoms which require much sleep.
Although I must share, that it seems as if all of my fifty three years, this has been a reoccurring scenario. As a youth I would take No-Doz and stay up all night watching television. Or roaming the streets as a twelve year old looking for what may come my way. Keep in mind now that this was way prior to cable or satellite television. I would have named anybody a mule if I was told back in the very early 1970's that someday we would be viewing television via satellite. As a young adult I would do the discotheque scene, hang out with the unsavory crew and eat breakfast at five in the morning on the way home. Oh, what bleeding memories I do have so neatly tucked away in this skull of mine. Way back, I was informed that I have insomnia. This is deeper.
I suspect my daughters may have caught the Spirit of The Owl. God know my eldest living in the land far and far away has adapted well to her Muslim adopted home land. I know this ha Bebe, I know this. What do you think, I'm your Pa. You are me in so many ways, you just walk in a different body and carry yours elsewhere. Oh my dear, I do miss you. My dear tiny baby.
I am prepared for my visit with Sir Dude and am just a bit anxious as I await the arrival of my Lil' Blue Bus. Sometimes it seems as if these drivers put the bus on hum when they pull up to our car port - I won't hear poop until the pack of hounds living amongst us goes off and into one of their frenzy's. Bless their hearts. Then when I leave the crew howls so loud and for such sad tunes that sometimes I permit their energy to affect mine. I am told these are my Grand Children. I love them to deaf but my hounds do not smell like new born baby's, eh? I can wait for my daughters to hatch a baby or two. I really can and have done so, my dahlin' angels...
...I reckon that I'll be sending another communiques later on today. This Meniere's is providing me with real time and in sync dizziness. I feel as if I have just gotten off the Tilt-A-Whirl at the Florida State Fair. Feeling tipsy. So often and for so long makes being dizzy a true royal pain in the rectum. Rectum? No, this stuff is not funny. Bumping and stumbling about makes me self-conscience. I have seen the expression of doubt on many a face out there. Dizziness non-stop becomes a safety and health issue. I know to be extra aware of my immediate surroundings and to walk with a purpose.
I have nuasea deep down my throat. So odd it is because all I have eaten this morning are oddly shaped pills, tablets and gel capsules. I'm afraid to hurl because I don't want to waste any of these medications swirling about in my stomach.
Meniere's sucks.
p.s. Those Lil' Blue Buses are loud though!
Although I must share, that it seems as if all of my fifty three years, this has been a reoccurring scenario. As a youth I would take No-Doz and stay up all night watching television. Or roaming the streets as a twelve year old looking for what may come my way. Keep in mind now that this was way prior to cable or satellite television. I would have named anybody a mule if I was told back in the very early 1970's that someday we would be viewing television via satellite. As a young adult I would do the discotheque scene, hang out with the unsavory crew and eat breakfast at five in the morning on the way home. Oh, what bleeding memories I do have so neatly tucked away in this skull of mine. Way back, I was informed that I have insomnia. This is deeper.
I suspect my daughters may have caught the Spirit of The Owl. God know my eldest living in the land far and far away has adapted well to her Muslim adopted home land. I know this ha Bebe, I know this. What do you think, I'm your Pa. You are me in so many ways, you just walk in a different body and carry yours elsewhere. Oh my dear, I do miss you. My dear tiny baby.
I am prepared for my visit with Sir Dude and am just a bit anxious as I await the arrival of my Lil' Blue Bus. Sometimes it seems as if these drivers put the bus on hum when they pull up to our car port - I won't hear poop until the pack of hounds living amongst us goes off and into one of their frenzy's. Bless their hearts. Then when I leave the crew howls so loud and for such sad tunes that sometimes I permit their energy to affect mine. I am told these are my Grand Children. I love them to deaf but my hounds do not smell like new born baby's, eh? I can wait for my daughters to hatch a baby or two. I really can and have done so, my dahlin' angels...
...I reckon that I'll be sending another communiques later on today. This Meniere's is providing me with real time and in sync dizziness. I feel as if I have just gotten off the Tilt-A-Whirl at the Florida State Fair. Feeling tipsy. So often and for so long makes being dizzy a true royal pain in the rectum. Rectum? No, this stuff is not funny. Bumping and stumbling about makes me self-conscience. I have seen the expression of doubt on many a face out there. Dizziness non-stop becomes a safety and health issue. I know to be extra aware of my immediate surroundings and to walk with a purpose.
I have nuasea deep down my throat. So odd it is because all I have eaten this morning are oddly shaped pills, tablets and gel capsules. I'm afraid to hurl because I don't want to waste any of these medications swirling about in my stomach.
Meniere's sucks.
p.s. Those Lil' Blue Buses are loud though!
It's 0400 And No Sleep
It is 0400 and there has been no sleep.
I am not sleepy, yet must return to my safe place.
There are things to do and take care of today.
It is today, 12.12.12, and I have an appointment with Sir Dude at 1230.
I'm up that proverbial creek and can't do anything but go with the flow.
I will focus on resting the body and mind if I am unable to sleep...
...and drift off to dream world. Don't think I have the time for REM.
The sounds and noises between these two ears will someday get the best of me.
I know this.
Let me go lay next to my bride.
Love, peace and more peace,
Mario's Path
I am not sleepy, yet must return to my safe place.
There are things to do and take care of today.
It is today, 12.12.12, and I have an appointment with Sir Dude at 1230.
I'm up that proverbial creek and can't do anything but go with the flow.
I will focus on resting the body and mind if I am unable to sleep...
...and drift off to dream world. Don't think I have the time for REM.
The sounds and noises between these two ears will someday get the best of me.
I know this.
Let me go lay next to my bride.
Love, peace and more peace,
Mario's Path
John Lennon - Happy Xmas (War Is Over)
Kindred,
I have always loved this Christmas song. Adding these video clips seems to bring John's words out more than listening to this on the AM radio back in the day. I miss you John. And I still love you.
I pray for peace and give ceremony for peace and the end to Wars, Genocides and the blood shed of innocent Folks, children, women and the Elders. I see no martyrs, I see cowardly dogs..
...please understand I speak of all Wars going on in this time of World History. We all seem to be living life with the tick-tock of waiting time bombs. I do not enjoy life with this constant rubbish of who's got the most weapons of mass destruction and the who might win which war over who.
Great Spirit, please Bless us, one and all.
Merry and Happy Christmas, Mario's Path
Tuesday, December 11, 2012
Therapy Tomorrow With Sir Dude - Mental Floss
Greetings Kindred One's,
Tomorrow shortly past noon, I will have a gathering with Sir. Dude, my trusted therapist. Transportation was handled yesterday and I have received my purchased HARTPlus passes in today's post, so I am excited to know that I'll be able to make my appointments. To know I'll be out for a brief spell is really nice too.
I plan on a vigorous face-to-face. It is just about that time for an excellent mental floss and depending on how things go - I just may go ahead and have a mental enema. These scenes are not unfamiliar to me as I have been in many a therapist office for sure. I'm not boasting, it's just one of those things that is a part of my history and also runs within both sides of my Kinfolks. I've just never mentioned it before. Please, I've had more Kinfolk commit suicide than many Clans I am familiar with. The strains of family ignorance's are incredibly heavy and I can only carry so much weight for just such a period of time - then the damned dam bursts wide open filling the mind, emotions and Spirit's with an array of confusing messages. That, and the run of the "All American Dysfunctional Multi Generational Family DNA" marker that indicates with an asterisk...
*May have issues dealing with Trauma's!
How silly of me to think that there were so many Folks that had their shit together. What awesome performances by so many. There's no reason to lie or wear more than one face with me! For Pete's sake, we're all grown ass Folk here and I must deal with perpetual pathological liars? Come on! I have been so very vulnerable with so many of you out there and have had hours long talks of those traumas. The rapes, sexual abuses, the nightmares and terror's, and so many of those physical illnesses that are manifested by keeping a life worth of force fed bull cock stuffed in my mind and gut! I saw, heard and tasted to much as a child. All of which could have been avoided if one of those Adults within my Kinfolk, would have said something. Maybe if I talked? I have often wondered if God is punishing me now for not speaking up and telling someone what was happening to me. By family, time after time and by their "friends" of the family. Please, and now today?
I mentioned taking back my power in an earlier communique. I see just how valuable it is that I do accomplish this for the remainder of my blessed days on Earth Mother. I have wasted too much time and energy in life spreading the forces of positive energy, love and peace for others, success and good health just to have them look in my eyes and lie with their face to my face.
That Catholic boy inside of me knew I was going to hell at six or seven. He says to forgive. How the fuck can I if I can't forgive myself? Or them, who perpetrated against me? Or them who didn't do one damned thing to save any of my brothers or sisters?
Yes, maybe an enema will suffice. I am able to see where it is I am headed. Seen.
Tomorrow shortly past noon, I will have a gathering with Sir. Dude, my trusted therapist. Transportation was handled yesterday and I have received my purchased HARTPlus passes in today's post, so I am excited to know that I'll be able to make my appointments. To know I'll be out for a brief spell is really nice too.
I plan on a vigorous face-to-face. It is just about that time for an excellent mental floss and depending on how things go - I just may go ahead and have a mental enema. These scenes are not unfamiliar to me as I have been in many a therapist office for sure. I'm not boasting, it's just one of those things that is a part of my history and also runs within both sides of my Kinfolks. I've just never mentioned it before. Please, I've had more Kinfolk commit suicide than many Clans I am familiar with. The strains of family ignorance's are incredibly heavy and I can only carry so much weight for just such a period of time - then the damned dam bursts wide open filling the mind, emotions and Spirit's with an array of confusing messages. That, and the run of the "All American Dysfunctional Multi Generational Family DNA" marker that indicates with an asterisk...
*May have issues dealing with Trauma's!
How silly of me to think that there were so many Folks that had their shit together. What awesome performances by so many. There's no reason to lie or wear more than one face with me! For Pete's sake, we're all grown ass Folk here and I must deal with perpetual pathological liars? Come on! I have been so very vulnerable with so many of you out there and have had hours long talks of those traumas. The rapes, sexual abuses, the nightmares and terror's, and so many of those physical illnesses that are manifested by keeping a life worth of force fed bull cock stuffed in my mind and gut! I saw, heard and tasted to much as a child. All of which could have been avoided if one of those Adults within my Kinfolk, would have said something. Maybe if I talked? I have often wondered if God is punishing me now for not speaking up and telling someone what was happening to me. By family, time after time and by their "friends" of the family. Please, and now today?
I mentioned taking back my power in an earlier communique. I see just how valuable it is that I do accomplish this for the remainder of my blessed days on Earth Mother. I have wasted too much time and energy in life spreading the forces of positive energy, love and peace for others, success and good health just to have them look in my eyes and lie with their face to my face.
That Catholic boy inside of me knew I was going to hell at six or seven. He says to forgive. How the fuck can I if I can't forgive myself? Or them, who perpetrated against me? Or them who didn't do one damned thing to save any of my brothers or sisters?
Yes, maybe an enema will suffice. I am able to see where it is I am headed. Seen.
This Weight Thing
Dearest Kindred,
I am ashamed, embarrassed and sad to report that I have permitted a bit of weight to creep back into my life and on my butt. I see a bit gathering around the waist but my pant size hasn't. For now, any ways. And yes, I do enjoy having a rear bumper and all that junk in the trunk stuff and I sure do like the way it feels when I disrobe. You know, that feeling of something over back there that is like a nice smooth speed bump...
...I just can't see this fat back in my life though and I don't want to have this mess of added stress on my chest! No! Think healthier - be healthier.
There has been some inactivity in my life over the past month or so. Too much sleep! Too much of not doing enough. No, there was not total inactivity, yet enough for this issue to resurface.
When I begin to have the issue of weight in mind, too many memories of Anorexia and Bulimia are stirred up. Too many - too damned many. Which brings me to this, and I must be gut honest about this particular something that troubles me in my heart. You see Kindred, I have placed too much emphasis on pleasing others with the loss of my weight. PERIOD! When I did not get feed back from others, especially them close to me, I felt a failure and an immense disappointment. Seen. Sometimes I felt as if I had to walk on egg shells with them who are large in my circle. I do realize and understand activity in my day-to-day is essential in fulfilling my plans of being a healthier and slimmer individual.
What I think I need to do is take some of my power back and focus solely on the benefits I will receive from weight loss and really not give a damn about what others may say and or think. This is my life and My Path! I am a Survivor in spite of many and a few Kinfolk and their friends. Yes. I take back my energy and I will focus more on taking back my power. Some Folk, simply need to be informed I guess. So I will, and the focus is on my health - it is the only person's health that I can have anything to do with. Not theirs and their gluttonous ways.
I have made this return to a loss of weight as a gift to myself. Not others. I will make the return to activity as it was just a few weeks ago. Walk more. Lift more. Eat better. Cut the sugar more!
I may have been hampered with Meniere's Disease and it's symptoms, but I bet I can do much better with such of things like keeping both eyes open and gain a solid conscientiousness of the vittals intake. True?
Don't you all know that I am to prepare this Human shell for 2013? It's going to be great year!
I am ashamed, embarrassed and sad to report that I have permitted a bit of weight to creep back into my life and on my butt. I see a bit gathering around the waist but my pant size hasn't. For now, any ways. And yes, I do enjoy having a rear bumper and all that junk in the trunk stuff and I sure do like the way it feels when I disrobe. You know, that feeling of something over back there that is like a nice smooth speed bump...
...I just can't see this fat back in my life though and I don't want to have this mess of added stress on my chest! No! Think healthier - be healthier.
There has been some inactivity in my life over the past month or so. Too much sleep! Too much of not doing enough. No, there was not total inactivity, yet enough for this issue to resurface.
When I begin to have the issue of weight in mind, too many memories of Anorexia and Bulimia are stirred up. Too many - too damned many. Which brings me to this, and I must be gut honest about this particular something that troubles me in my heart. You see Kindred, I have placed too much emphasis on pleasing others with the loss of my weight. PERIOD! When I did not get feed back from others, especially them close to me, I felt a failure and an immense disappointment. Seen. Sometimes I felt as if I had to walk on egg shells with them who are large in my circle. I do realize and understand activity in my day-to-day is essential in fulfilling my plans of being a healthier and slimmer individual.
What I think I need to do is take some of my power back and focus solely on the benefits I will receive from weight loss and really not give a damn about what others may say and or think. This is my life and My Path! I am a Survivor in spite of many and a few Kinfolk and their friends. Yes. I take back my energy and I will focus more on taking back my power. Some Folk, simply need to be informed I guess. So I will, and the focus is on my health - it is the only person's health that I can have anything to do with. Not theirs and their gluttonous ways.
I have made this return to a loss of weight as a gift to myself. Not others. I will make the return to activity as it was just a few weeks ago. Walk more. Lift more. Eat better. Cut the sugar more!
I may have been hampered with Meniere's Disease and it's symptoms, but I bet I can do much better with such of things like keeping both eyes open and gain a solid conscientiousness of the vittals intake. True?
Don't you all know that I am to prepare this Human shell for 2013? It's going to be great year!
Monday, December 10, 2012
A Note Of Appreciation And Thanks
I must plan to retire to my safe place directly. It is 0103 at this very moment and I haven't the slightest bit of exhaustion. I have taken my pills as prescribed by my doctors and have eaten my night medications. Not feeling the sleep at all at the moment, hope too directly.
I have wanted to mention a visit I had with an ole friend on this past Friday, 7 Dec. 2012. We talked, broke fast and hung out for a spell at the Oxford Exchange across from the University of Tampa in Down Town Tampa. Well, we more like stayed for several hours having conversation, connecting and not feeling as if we had to talk much if we didn't want to. We people watched. I freaked out a bit about the hearing piece - the BAHA was performing at full capacity and it was awesomely loud and hectic in this very extraordinary place! My friend sat on the left side of me so we were in for some hearing issues, but I tell you, the processor was able to pick up the voice of a Mom with her beautiful baby several feet from where my bud and I sat. Absolutely Awesome! We left the Oxford Exchange at roughly 1430 and headed for Citrus Park where we broke bread at this cool place called Red Robin. Awesome burgers for sure! We spoke, ate and drank diet soda pop...
...then we headed off to Lil' Nizzle's football game and...
...the Crow sang a message over the football fields where little Folks played flag football. Dad's and Mom's were cheering on their Super Star athlete's. There were a couple of bumps and boo-boos, but not a profane word and or neither any acts of misconduct or poor sportsmanship. I felt at total ease and safe and most importantly, I felt at home. Dragon Fly's pestered the youth and brought smiles to my face as I thought, Dragon Fly sure is having a jolly good time out there this afternoon. So Blessed. Seen.
I am indebted to my dear very best good friend. There were many lessons, so I listened and I am permitted to see and feel the works of God upon this Man, his wife and their son. I have been blessed to have them be a part of my circle for many years. These are good Folks. I see this...
...these are the two friends who pointed me to the ways of the blog. My, I am blessed to have them in my circle. The lil' champion too!
Old Friend, thank you for your words and for your lessons. Most importantly, thank you for your company and providing an escape from exile! Busted me out for sure!
God, knows that the love and respect I have for this person and his family come from my Spirit's.
I very truly love them three very much...
...gifts from Great Spirit.
I have wanted to mention a visit I had with an ole friend on this past Friday, 7 Dec. 2012. We talked, broke fast and hung out for a spell at the Oxford Exchange across from the University of Tampa in Down Town Tampa. Well, we more like stayed for several hours having conversation, connecting and not feeling as if we had to talk much if we didn't want to. We people watched. I freaked out a bit about the hearing piece - the BAHA was performing at full capacity and it was awesomely loud and hectic in this very extraordinary place! My friend sat on the left side of me so we were in for some hearing issues, but I tell you, the processor was able to pick up the voice of a Mom with her beautiful baby several feet from where my bud and I sat. Absolutely Awesome! We left the Oxford Exchange at roughly 1430 and headed for Citrus Park where we broke bread at this cool place called Red Robin. Awesome burgers for sure! We spoke, ate and drank diet soda pop...
...then we headed off to Lil' Nizzle's football game and...
...the Crow sang a message over the football fields where little Folks played flag football. Dad's and Mom's were cheering on their Super Star athlete's. There were a couple of bumps and boo-boos, but not a profane word and or neither any acts of misconduct or poor sportsmanship. I felt at total ease and safe and most importantly, I felt at home. Dragon Fly's pestered the youth and brought smiles to my face as I thought, Dragon Fly sure is having a jolly good time out there this afternoon. So Blessed. Seen.
I am indebted to my dear very best good friend. There were many lessons, so I listened and I am permitted to see and feel the works of God upon this Man, his wife and their son. I have been blessed to have them be a part of my circle for many years. These are good Folks. I see this...
...these are the two friends who pointed me to the ways of the blog. My, I am blessed to have them in my circle. The lil' champion too!
Old Friend, thank you for your words and for your lessons. Most importantly, thank you for your company and providing an escape from exile! Busted me out for sure!
God, knows that the love and respect I have for this person and his family come from my Spirit's.
I very truly love them three very much...
...gifts from Great Spirit.
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