The books on my bedside table have increased by three since Wednesday. My daughter and I visited a small Mom and Pop Book Store over in Carrollwood on Wednesday. Since I know myself better than I know myself, I probably should have known better...
...but anyways, the name of this above average spot is The Book Swap of Carrollwood, and it really is just that, a book swap sort of store. The trade-in policy is fair, but the store is very clean and the establishment's associates are very helpful and freindly.
My bedside table's population has increased by three. Lord, I know! There was once a time when I was just about 100% read in my Lodge. Now, I think I will have to schedule these around the completions of the five books plus my Day-To-Day meditations I presently have my eye orbs in. AND, with the celebration of my birth approaching - I have a wonderful reasonableness to believe that "Custer Died For My Sins", will soon be here. Which, I do suppose will change everything I am enjoying and reading presently. My Spirit's are lonely for the thoughts and words of Crazy Horse, Sitting Bull, Red Cloud amongst other's, who participated with the dispatching of the blond fool and the fools who followed him...
...anyways...
...the three new titles are:
1. Uncle Tom's Cabin, by Ms. Harriet Beecher Stowe.
2. Adventures Of Huckleberry Finn, by Mr. Mark Twain.
(Both of the above were required reading when I was in grade school. Feels like a reunion in my child with-in's heart. Hell, now that I remember, both were made into motion pictures and would be televised at least once a year in my youth. Oh, what a memory!)
3. Common Sense, Rights Of Man, And Other Essential Writings of Thomas Paine, by Mr. Thomas Paine.
I would love to find a company that would provide me the opportunity to proof read books prior to mass printing. Reads to be fun to me.
Note: Unless there should be a new release pertaining to The Cherokee Peoples and or The Eastern Band Of The Cherokee Nation or the Leaders I spoke of earlier, a mandate has been established to complete the books I am presently involved with...
...um, that sounds so mean! But then, what can you do when you live in a shoe?
peace and love,
Mario
Friday, October 7, 2011
Thursday, October 6, 2011
Honest, Honestly? WTF?
The one most important thing about this blogg, "Meniere's Disease, Mario's Path", is the benefit I receive from something so simple and so sweet. Rather sort of the type of person I am, simple and sweet. Who is so and too easily entertained...
...yet, within this simple and sweet person is a too serious and very complicated individual. Complex person. One who can sometimes grow quite weary and exhausted of wasting time with kinfolk/family/frineds who really don't give a good bleeding damn about me or my immediate Circle anyways. I have witnessed too much yack-yack, kissy-kissy, and then a quick fuck U off.
I share these, my words with all Relations, from all over this globe, our Earth Mother, so that those of us with Meniere's Disease know there are other's like us/me out there. Other's like "we" out here...
...it's a weird and sad lonely place when even your own flesh and blood could not even hardly give a shit about the circumstances of life one may have to live and contend with, like this Meniere's Disease. I know how lonely it is first hand! It's one of those things that I permit to eat away at me...
...slowly and with great torturous pleasure. EVERYFUCKINGDAY! Because I HAVE always beleived blood was thicker than water. Well? Everybody plays a fool sometimes.
For way too long a time, I have written empathetically and with understanding about what my Kinfolk may have to live in their day to day. Hopeing to draw some to my words and this invisable disease and my life. There have been few kin and friend to speak with...
...to share with them what these shoes fit like as one with Meniere's, several other disease's, and Incest and Sexual Abuse Survivor.
Let me share something real quick, I have reports that I am able to review and stats that I am able to evaluate...
...these are numbers from the last month to date, from this Blogg...
U.S.A. - 453
Russia - 36
Poland - 5
Germany- 3
Georgia- 2
India - 3
China - 2
U. K. - 2
U.A.E. - 1
Spain - 1
Australia 1
...facebook "32". One calender month.
Honestly?, !, ?, ?! This is a damned shame folks. All of the Kinfolk, I have included in my respected and most beloved term Relations, it is on this social networking site that I have 112 "friends". Which in my case, due to my paranoid-ness and boundaries, are VERY TRULY FAMILY and VERY TRULY FREINDS. If I have five folks I have met on the facebook & not face to face, I would have had to have felt mighty sure about them prior to hitting the "friends" request.
I have seen this coming for several months and have just now decided to speak honestly about the matter. Keeping with the honesty policy. See?
I'll let the number's speak...
...but, I assure you this, things are different now.
p.s. Kinfolk/friends, be kind and do me this favor. Don't go away mad because of what I've said or will do - just keep you and your plastic masks and go away...
...away from me. Don't call with your gossip, don't trouble me with your bullshit. Just go away.
...yet, within this simple and sweet person is a too serious and very complicated individual. Complex person. One who can sometimes grow quite weary and exhausted of wasting time with kinfolk/family/frineds who really don't give a good bleeding damn about me or my immediate Circle anyways. I have witnessed too much yack-yack, kissy-kissy, and then a quick fuck U off.
I share these, my words with all Relations, from all over this globe, our Earth Mother, so that those of us with Meniere's Disease know there are other's like us/me out there. Other's like "we" out here...
...it's a weird and sad lonely place when even your own flesh and blood could not even hardly give a shit about the circumstances of life one may have to live and contend with, like this Meniere's Disease. I know how lonely it is first hand! It's one of those things that I permit to eat away at me...
...slowly and with great torturous pleasure. EVERYFUCKINGDAY! Because I HAVE always beleived blood was thicker than water. Well? Everybody plays a fool sometimes.
For way too long a time, I have written empathetically and with understanding about what my Kinfolk may have to live in their day to day. Hopeing to draw some to my words and this invisable disease and my life. There have been few kin and friend to speak with...
...to share with them what these shoes fit like as one with Meniere's, several other disease's, and Incest and Sexual Abuse Survivor.
Let me share something real quick, I have reports that I am able to review and stats that I am able to evaluate...
...these are numbers from the last month to date, from this Blogg...
U.S.A. - 453
Russia - 36
Poland - 5
Germany- 3
Georgia- 2
India - 3
China - 2
U. K. - 2
U.A.E. - 1
Spain - 1
Australia 1
...facebook "32". One calender month.
Honestly?, !, ?, ?! This is a damned shame folks. All of the Kinfolk, I have included in my respected and most beloved term Relations, it is on this social networking site that I have 112 "friends". Which in my case, due to my paranoid-ness and boundaries, are VERY TRULY FAMILY and VERY TRULY FREINDS. If I have five folks I have met on the facebook & not face to face, I would have had to have felt mighty sure about them prior to hitting the "friends" request.
I have seen this coming for several months and have just now decided to speak honestly about the matter. Keeping with the honesty policy. See?
I'll let the number's speak...
...but, I assure you this, things are different now.
p.s. Kinfolk/friends, be kind and do me this favor. Don't go away mad because of what I've said or will do - just keep you and your plastic masks and go away...
...away from me. Don't call with your gossip, don't trouble me with your bullshit. Just go away.
Wednesday, October 5, 2011
Meniere's Disease And The Silent Sadness/Madness
For the past 48+ hours I have been troubled by the intermittent sound of a beep that seems to be revolving about my head. Rather like a satellite circling our Earth Mother...
...or the stars and birds one might see in the animations spinning around the head of a character just knocked over the head with a hard instrument.
Just in case I didn't make self clear, this has been going on for a bit over two days, thus 48+ hours. Night and day. I listen to it in my bed as I attempt to read prior to Dream World and I have heard it first thing upon awakening. As I listen to it at this very moment...
...BTW (By The Way), I am hearing this in my Deaf Left Ear.
My entire skeleton aches and is hurting. From the soles of my feet to my pinky finger knuckles to this mellon sized skull. My left eye feels as if it wants to pop out of my skull and the pain behind it passes thru my brain's left hemisphere and extends to the back of my head.
I have slept some day time hours Monday and Tuesday afternoon. I am ignorant as to whether there was an unreckonized vertigo attack or not.
Some of these sypmtoms have gone on for some few weeks - such as this eye orb thing and the pain on that left side. I consider I may have rested because of this never ending beeping while awake and the pain and soreness of my skeleton.
I might also share there has been the nausea. Productive last night. The omni-present perspiration, as I sit here and feel the necklace of same around my neck. The dizziness with imbalance and coordination issues. This is not bump in the night - these are bumps in the bright of day light. Yes, the sounds and noises and voices are here. The Worms are at play on the left side of my globe. My Hard of Hearing right ear continues with it's plopping and popping. It also continues to have issues with moments of silence...
...silence...
So what the fuck? Who the fuck really cares? Me?
This is all getting just too close to the best of me, my dear Relations! Even the anti-sad barbed wire pills are having to task over time on this person's issue's...
...the little pricks for sugar test in the morning are no longer full filling the need to bleed. There is this knowledge no matter how irrational it may sound, that if I were to have a good purge of blood, I would feel much better. I'm thinking sooner than soon, I will make it so.
I have taken the silent route lately. Other than what I might tip-tap on this communique, I try not to speak too much of this anymore. Really. Relations, Folks, and Kindred, have their lives and their issues to work out and work with. Their children to raise. This I have learned and have learned it's best off this way. Anyhow...
...who really wants to listen to a grown man cry or speak of a disease that has turned his life inside out?
John, please just tell me I'm not going Mad! I promise, as soon as I am able we will take a good hard long run...
...and run.
...or the stars and birds one might see in the animations spinning around the head of a character just knocked over the head with a hard instrument.
Just in case I didn't make self clear, this has been going on for a bit over two days, thus 48+ hours. Night and day. I listen to it in my bed as I attempt to read prior to Dream World and I have heard it first thing upon awakening. As I listen to it at this very moment...
...BTW (By The Way), I am hearing this in my Deaf Left Ear.
My entire skeleton aches and is hurting. From the soles of my feet to my pinky finger knuckles to this mellon sized skull. My left eye feels as if it wants to pop out of my skull and the pain behind it passes thru my brain's left hemisphere and extends to the back of my head.
I have slept some day time hours Monday and Tuesday afternoon. I am ignorant as to whether there was an unreckonized vertigo attack or not.
Some of these sypmtoms have gone on for some few weeks - such as this eye orb thing and the pain on that left side. I consider I may have rested because of this never ending beeping while awake and the pain and soreness of my skeleton.
I might also share there has been the nausea. Productive last night. The omni-present perspiration, as I sit here and feel the necklace of same around my neck. The dizziness with imbalance and coordination issues. This is not bump in the night - these are bumps in the bright of day light. Yes, the sounds and noises and voices are here. The Worms are at play on the left side of my globe. My Hard of Hearing right ear continues with it's plopping and popping. It also continues to have issues with moments of silence...
...silence...
So what the fuck? Who the fuck really cares? Me?
This is all getting just too close to the best of me, my dear Relations! Even the anti-sad barbed wire pills are having to task over time on this person's issue's...
...the little pricks for sugar test in the morning are no longer full filling the need to bleed. There is this knowledge no matter how irrational it may sound, that if I were to have a good purge of blood, I would feel much better. I'm thinking sooner than soon, I will make it so.
I have taken the silent route lately. Other than what I might tip-tap on this communique, I try not to speak too much of this anymore. Really. Relations, Folks, and Kindred, have their lives and their issues to work out and work with. Their children to raise. This I have learned and have learned it's best off this way. Anyhow...
...who really wants to listen to a grown man cry or speak of a disease that has turned his life inside out?
John, please just tell me I'm not going Mad! I promise, as soon as I am able we will take a good hard long run...
...and run.
Tuesday, October 4, 2011
It's Just One Of Those Funky Thing's
Relations,
As I have clearly committed myself to speaking of nothing but the truths on this special Blog and Path of mine...
...there remains a space in my skull where things are locked up in my mind.
I have learned my lesson well. With me, the truth remains on my face...
...yet...
...there are some lessons I have yet to take from their secret place.
Day's will come when I will reach the crossroad's of safer and surer, and be able to open up the locked boxes that will die with me unsaid, should I never have the chance to tell.
Oh my Relations, how it feels inside me to know just how many fires have burned within this heart of mine and just how deep is this well.
I say and have said time and again, I am that I am. What else to say?
With some Relations, they live with big mouth and no ears. They yack-yack-yack, behind one another's back. It's their lives - their way.
In my Day-To-Day, I practice what I've been taught...
...I also practice the walking the walk - and talking the talk - these are rights I have endeavored and have steadfastly faught.
If you talk the lies and look for an audiance here, you have come to the wrong place...
...not only do I read and feel your lies, I see them on your face.
It's just one of those funky thing's...
As I have clearly committed myself to speaking of nothing but the truths on this special Blog and Path of mine...
...there remains a space in my skull where things are locked up in my mind.
I have learned my lesson well. With me, the truth remains on my face...
...yet...
...there are some lessons I have yet to take from their secret place.
Day's will come when I will reach the crossroad's of safer and surer, and be able to open up the locked boxes that will die with me unsaid, should I never have the chance to tell.
Oh my Relations, how it feels inside me to know just how many fires have burned within this heart of mine and just how deep is this well.
I say and have said time and again, I am that I am. What else to say?
With some Relations, they live with big mouth and no ears. They yack-yack-yack, behind one another's back. It's their lives - their way.
In my Day-To-Day, I practice what I've been taught...
...I also practice the walking the walk - and talking the talk - these are rights I have endeavored and have steadfastly faught.
If you talk the lies and look for an audiance here, you have come to the wrong place...
...not only do I read and feel your lies, I see them on your face.
It's just one of those funky thing's...
Monday, October 3, 2011
This Morning, Afternoon and Evening 03 Oct. 11
Last evening and through the last night I and my Spirit's, Mind, and Body were wrapped in this splendid cool weather Great Spirit, has blessed us with. Tonight blessing with another cool and peaceful night here in our sanctuary. An early so sweet flavor of what comes our way soon. Yeah-yeah, later this week we'll be back into the mid 80's F, with nights in the cool seventies. Maybe an occasional dip into the 60's F. The only reason I bring this up is because I feel as if my skin fits this large frame of mine a touch better in Fall and Winter and I just love these cooler seasons.
I have had this fantastic synchronistic energy working and flowing with mine. Adjoining Paths and Trails with and amongst no more than three Relations. I will say no more about this as it is my belief speaking of such drains the energies working in unison. Please.
A dear friend picked me up up for coffee and then lunch later in the afternoon. Busted me out of Exhile! Myself, had an extraodinary time at the Buddies Brew Coffee Company. Was able to drink three different coffees and observe the going's on of a super cool place to stop for the perfect double espresso. Sat with and chatted with my very best good friend while chatting with Barista's and even got to meet David, the owner. Thank you greatly my very best good friend! AND, thank you for getting me started on my calender on gmail. Spendid! I see it here on my blogg too. You have always been the good teacher, brother. I hope you know this.
I think the fantastic feild trip and ride about town in an open topped Jeep, stirred my meniere's just a bit. When I got home, I took care of odd's-n-end's, then laid doen for about four hours. Am prepared to retire back to bed with-in the next few minutes. Just wanted to chat with my Relations, for a little while.
I feel safe here in my secret place.
It is an unpleasent thing when I open up and let loose my boudaries to be betrayed or treated with disrespect. I have opened up to all Relations here. I use this as a tool to reach out about Meniere's Disease.
I have worked my recovery here and will continue to use this to speak of Meniere's Disease as well as for whatever format I may have my mind or in my Spirit's...
...I am a Survivor of Incest and Sexual Abuse, Mixed Blood Issues, etc.,.
I am ultra nauseated at this moment and am begining to really sweat something yucky. My dizziness is a six and time for bed. The worms have been at play. My Right Good Bad ear did me no favors today...like a freaking elevator. Tonight, the Left Deaf is loud with what sounds like the whomp-whomp-whomp, of a Vietnam Era Helicopter. The pain behind my left eye remains. What am I to do?
John Wayne, my pony and I had a pretty damn good and busy day. I want more!
John Wayne, off to the North 40, Dude!
..............peace and love................
I have had this fantastic synchronistic energy working and flowing with mine. Adjoining Paths and Trails with and amongst no more than three Relations. I will say no more about this as it is my belief speaking of such drains the energies working in unison. Please.
A dear friend picked me up up for coffee and then lunch later in the afternoon. Busted me out of Exhile! Myself, had an extraodinary time at the Buddies Brew Coffee Company. Was able to drink three different coffees and observe the going's on of a super cool place to stop for the perfect double espresso. Sat with and chatted with my very best good friend while chatting with Barista's and even got to meet David, the owner. Thank you greatly my very best good friend! AND, thank you for getting me started on my calender on gmail. Spendid! I see it here on my blogg too. You have always been the good teacher, brother. I hope you know this.
I think the fantastic feild trip and ride about town in an open topped Jeep, stirred my meniere's just a bit. When I got home, I took care of odd's-n-end's, then laid doen for about four hours. Am prepared to retire back to bed with-in the next few minutes. Just wanted to chat with my Relations, for a little while.
I feel safe here in my secret place.
It is an unpleasent thing when I open up and let loose my boudaries to be betrayed or treated with disrespect. I have opened up to all Relations here. I use this as a tool to reach out about Meniere's Disease.
I have worked my recovery here and will continue to use this to speak of Meniere's Disease as well as for whatever format I may have my mind or in my Spirit's...
...I am a Survivor of Incest and Sexual Abuse, Mixed Blood Issues, etc.,.
I am ultra nauseated at this moment and am begining to really sweat something yucky. My dizziness is a six and time for bed. The worms have been at play. My Right Good Bad ear did me no favors today...like a freaking elevator. Tonight, the Left Deaf is loud with what sounds like the whomp-whomp-whomp, of a Vietnam Era Helicopter. The pain behind my left eye remains. What am I to do?
John Wayne, my pony and I had a pretty damn good and busy day. I want more!
John Wayne, off to the North 40, Dude!
..............peace and love................
Sunday, October 2, 2011
Earth Mother Stopped
Just minutes ago, I felt this important message to pass and it moved me to a point of tears.
While I was sitting at "my" Central Park in the middle of my back yard pulling weeds and scratching Eart Mother's back with this little hand held 3-clawed tool of some sort...
...tending to Garden and my toughts, prayers, the contemplations of the this or the that's. The Earth Mother stopped - just for a moment.
No noise of air conditioners, no air planes or trains, no pool pumps, no cars or trucks. My Left Deaf Ear was Deaf and my Right Hard of Hearing ear listened...
...listened to the songs of many winged cousins, so many and the flutter of Dragon Fly wings...
...the sound of the Sun moving in the Sky to a different beat and time.
To all Relations, peace and love.
While I was sitting at "my" Central Park in the middle of my back yard pulling weeds and scratching Eart Mother's back with this little hand held 3-clawed tool of some sort...
...tending to Garden and my toughts, prayers, the contemplations of the this or the that's. The Earth Mother stopped - just for a moment.
No noise of air conditioners, no air planes or trains, no pool pumps, no cars or trucks. My Left Deaf Ear was Deaf and my Right Hard of Hearing ear listened...
...listened to the songs of many winged cousins, so many and the flutter of Dragon Fly wings...
...the sound of the Sun moving in the Sky to a different beat and time.
To all Relations, peace and love.
Friday, September 30, 2011
I Smell Shit Over Honesty
Why it is I still find myself bewildered and troubled about being judged - is very honestly beyond me and the beliefs I have about being open and honest with the communiques I publish on this Blog. I suspect if I were to fabricate a life or perjure my very being - many would find things delightful and amusing...
...and even then, I admit there are times when I am in fact delightful and amusing. But, Good-God! I'm not going to misrepresent this mortal coil. I am not perfect and have never been perfect. I am me. I am who I am. I am a Survivor! I have no reason to lie in this Life or on this Path. Soon, my time here will no longer be. Why lie? Shit, there's alot of work in lieing! I have enough to do here to keep me afloat. Besides, I live so the preacher don't have to lie. ("Leann Womack")
All I've ever asked is that one not judge me or what it is I have lived to tell. You do not know how my shoes fit. You did not see "life" with my eye's. If you my Kindred and Relations are compelled to judge me for these words I share, I kindly ask you to disengage from my Spirit's and I, and move on...
...I have already felt the verdicts rendered and smell the shit over being honest and open about my Path and Trails - today's and the yester-years.
Interestingly enough, I now find myself in a conundrum.
If some in my Circle feel it necessary to put on unblemished masks - then so be it. You forget I have seen all your masks and I listen as you gnash your teeth. So pathetic. I will not permit myself to be shamed for being honest. Shit, I am a grown ass man...
...why lie?
No more games with my words please.
If my truths disturb your lies that bad - go shit on someone else's yard. If your lies are that important to you, then take them and you else-where. Now then, let it be done...
...just don't. Please, just don't disturb my truthful way of speaking. Nor the sincere routes of My Path. I walk here as it was Great Spirit, had planned long before I ever made it to Earth Mother.
My heart is saddened and heavy. What can you do? And no my dear friend in the other "Georgia", I won't say it...
Love and peace...
John Wayne, do you want to take a look and see at the garden?
Just NO running damn it!
...and even then, I admit there are times when I am in fact delightful and amusing. But, Good-God! I'm not going to misrepresent this mortal coil. I am not perfect and have never been perfect. I am me. I am who I am. I am a Survivor! I have no reason to lie in this Life or on this Path. Soon, my time here will no longer be. Why lie? Shit, there's alot of work in lieing! I have enough to do here to keep me afloat. Besides, I live so the preacher don't have to lie. ("Leann Womack")
All I've ever asked is that one not judge me or what it is I have lived to tell. You do not know how my shoes fit. You did not see "life" with my eye's. If you my Kindred and Relations are compelled to judge me for these words I share, I kindly ask you to disengage from my Spirit's and I, and move on...
...I have already felt the verdicts rendered and smell the shit over being honest and open about my Path and Trails - today's and the yester-years.
Interestingly enough, I now find myself in a conundrum.
If some in my Circle feel it necessary to put on unblemished masks - then so be it. You forget I have seen all your masks and I listen as you gnash your teeth. So pathetic. I will not permit myself to be shamed for being honest. Shit, I am a grown ass man...
...why lie?
No more games with my words please.
If my truths disturb your lies that bad - go shit on someone else's yard. If your lies are that important to you, then take them and you else-where. Now then, let it be done...
...just don't. Please, just don't disturb my truthful way of speaking. Nor the sincere routes of My Path. I walk here as it was Great Spirit, had planned long before I ever made it to Earth Mother.
My heart is saddened and heavy. What can you do? And no my dear friend in the other "Georgia", I won't say it...
Love and peace...
John Wayne, do you want to take a look and see at the garden?
Just NO running damn it!
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