Kind One's,
My grandmother has been placed in Hospice Care. I am informed by my children who have read this information on the Internet. My daughter who lives in the Middle East and my youngest at work have called me to share news about our grandmother's health and condition.
I listen closely as the sounds of mourning approach and comes nearer. I prepare my senses and Spirit's for my Grand Mother's passing. My heart is heavy and I can feel my lungs labor to breath. The very life force within my body mourns.
I have been in a state of mourning since the last my grandmother and I looked into one and each of our eye's and I listened to her words and I felt her love and warmth and we embrace our Spirit's and that chubby 13 year old that was so crazy in love with his Abuela Mary. Oh, My God, I have never ever doubted that I was Blessed by You, Great One, to have her as my grandmother. She was right there in the delivery room of the old Spanish Clinic in Ybor City, Florida and my Abuela Mary, just happened to be my mid-wife, right there playing catcher for what was then a modern day miracle. I, this weird cute looking mixed breed kid was born on the seventeenth day of yester decade. Damn. That makes me sound so damned old, en'it? For shits sake, I was sharing earlier today with my Lil' Short Blue Bus Driver that I am too young for the bull shit in life.
No, really. Life is so too short to have such petty drama be an influence in life. Fuck.
This modern day form of communicating by a social network, such as the facebook to communicate the anticipated crossing over of one's Kinfolk, is just is not fitting quite right like inside my skull or within these Spirit's dwelling within this skin. My warm thumping heart and energy does not wrap around this concept of not a one individual calling me to share this news of my grandmother with me and into my ear hole - person to person. Like people do. You all have made your calls and did not make calls. Then, now no need for calls.
The mourning and bitter sadness that I have carried over a period of time has had an effect on me that has actually aided my heart, thoughts and memories of who my Grand Mother was and has always been to me.
Knowing that I had the World's Classiest Woman, as a Grand Mother, is a gift from God. My Grandmother was always the hard working professional and most dedicated Nurse. Her work ethic was above reproach. Observing my Abuela Mary in action prepared me for where it was I was to direct myself and my life's path. To walk and work with a purpose. Loyalty. And to live knowing "life's too short to worry about bull shit".
My Abuela's, dedication to life as a Mother, a Grand Mother, Daughter, Cousin or Aunt, taught many generations of Women Kinfolk. Her manner's and respect with a stranger, her thousands and thousands of patients - as a friend and neighbour, she created a Real Live Shero.
My Real Life Shero, my one and only grandmother Mary, prepares to join Jesus, her parents, her son - my dad, Mother Mary, The Saint's and all of her Kinfolk and Kindred in Heaven. Goodness Gracious Great Balls On Fire! There's going to be a massive block party on those Golden Street's of God's Crib!
My Dearest Abuela, I feel you in my Center. You will always be here with me. I know this. Within the next few minutes I will have ceremony and have prayers with you. I love you. I love you. Rest now Abuela, please, now it is time for you to rest. Blessed By God.
Wednesday, April 10, 2013
What's On My Bed-Side Table, Your Silence and My Deafness
Kindred One;s,
Something I have not shared in a while and has always been a favorite way of connecting for me has been with talking about what is the latest on my bed-side table.
I'll begin with the literary and share that for the second time I have read a booklet first published in 1978, titled, "Practical Suggestions For Persons With A Hearing Impairment", written by Loren J. Bartels, M.D., while an Assistant Professor of Surgery, an Assistant Professor of Neurology Division of Otolaryngology, at the University of South Florida Medical Center, Audio-Vestibular Center. An interesting, educational and a nostalgic read. I suspect that some of the product and subject matter discussed in this booklet are no longer manufactured or spoken. In spite of an occasional step-out-of-time, this information is just as up in the face current as one might take at first note of going out of sound in this age and time. Very interesting indeed.
A second book recently completed is, "When The Legends Die?, written by Hal Borland. This book is a Five Star Read and what a true gut wrenching, life inspiring story! Mr. Borland, spoke to me through his words and I read this and experienced it as if one and or another read the story to me. With this publication there is no doubt that this was just about as close to one of those "can't put it down" books, I have read in a mighty long spell. What an emotional, Indian Story.
I will soon complete yet another reading of The Constitution of the United States of America, along with the Declaration of Independence, which was written by them who came before my Grand Father's, Grand Father's. Please, don't ask. I am not certain why it is I have this motivation to read and re-read these documents of historical nature....
...I bend my knee in a state of humbleness to say that there is some thing's just not quite white about these utterances, written down a couple of hundred years ago. I mean, really, if it has been a while since you never read The Constitution and Declaration of Independence, maybe it might could be a mighty fine time for some of you bible thumping, Two Faces who scream so loud so much more about "your" Rights. Oh, too busy and not concerned and not thinking about Rights's, is not using our rights's. Folk's not knowing our Rights's confuses my heart beats. It saddens me to see so many Kinfolk and Kindred carry on like a band of roaming apes, to vote on who the alpha is. !*POP*! - it makes me wonder how many of us citizens have never read these documents. I have enjoyed reading the Bible, more than one time even! I mean, like not even one never-ever-never look at the words of this country's history? I make a smile, yet my heart is bad from these ridiculous debating and political propaganda's on even my social fucking escapes. For Fucking Shit Sakes Folk's.!
I continue to read The New International Webster's Standard Dictionary, School and Office Edition. Kinfolk, I get a silly joy out of finding silly little errors with in these dictionaries. This one is my second dictionary. I read my first, two or so years removed. Still have it and still use it too. Yeah, I know. Don't ask why is it that I am utilizing two dictionaries at the same time when one would suffice. Well, this is because I have not read this other dictionary yet. Can you dig?
In Honor of Holocaust Remembrance Day and in Honor of Holocaust Remembrance Week, I have introduced myself to an author named Daniel Jonah Goldhagen. The title of this thick hard cover is "Hitler's Willing Executioners, Ordinary Germans And The Holocaust". I must admit that I am not knowing how to approach this publication as of yet, I am just a few pages in and I can feel the changes in my tummy and the rate of my respiration's have increased and what this author I am hoping will do, with the respect for all and every one involved in this War is to shed a light on the history of the conduct of German citizens, who did turn their backs on their very own neighbour. To murder your neighbour because One is a Jew, or because I am One who wears the Pink Triangle. My Dear God, Six Million Jews. Exterminated. In many cases, their own Kinfolk, would sabotage one and an other's True Blood Family. I have studied WWII history since late elementary school and have never turned back. As a Boy, what ever book I could borrow and or get my hands on from the library in school or the one in West Tampa or the one down town, I would walk the streets of West Tampa Junior High School - (The Home of the Greyhounds!) - to get my next book fix and owned my childhood home down there near Habana - not too far from the bakery there on Cypress.
I have here on my bedside table my journal for writing left handed. One high yellow highlighter marker, a couple of pens - one ball point the other gel. There's a couple or three Post Cards, my native stationary, a glass jar that has been cracked still with many quartz crystals, gems, stones and rocks enclosed. I am afraid the jar would be saddened should I place it into the recycle bin. The Family Martin, gifted me a hand full of some sweet and awesome gems. These lay here on my bedside table next to where it is I rest my big gimp bobble head. Tranquility?
On my bedside table, I have a fantastic "Woody", Action Figure, from the Motion Picture, "Toy Story". I love him to Deaf and have him standing near by my "Buzz Lightyear", Action Figure. My Cowboy Smurf, still lives with me. Right there with the faux wooden box my sister Ana Beth gifted me. A neat little private box for my little odds-n-ends. Yeah? Sits right there. I place my charging cellular telephone here on my bed-side table too.
There's a photo in colour of my Great Grand Mother Mimi, my Dearest Abuela, my Grand Mother with the Gathering of Many Grand Children. The photograph, sitting right there next to my picture cards of Jesus, the one's with the prayers printed on reverse of art work. My Heart.
Other than one call from one sister who lives in Georgia, a week or two removed and my Dearest Honorable Daughter, who lives near Africa, calling me to ask if I had heard that my Abuela had had a heart attack. Well, hell no, I had not received a call informing such from no one. None
Again..
I am ashamed and embarrassed by the conduct of Elders who I think are operating on many different levels of not knowing the reason's why they say and do as they live. Yes, roll with it. It is confusing, yes. But in this case, I see perfectly well without my new prescription glasses. Same thing is to see I still have certain Elders who speak like this and do like that. Almost as silly adolescents and perpetuate ill and sad energies.
Not a single elder called to have a talk with me or my bride. This is so true that it cuts to my lungs meat...
Your silence and my Deafness is a clear indication of this and thus, I have been journaled...
A. Some assume. Honey, I know this. I do.
B. Some Kin like playing emotional blabber mouth game.
C. See which One or the other win's the greatest ape chest bump. Alpha Man? Alpha Woman?
D. You never did call me to share any passing's of my Kinfolk. No. No one did.
E. What makes this so sad is that this is a snap shot of my life. Snap and just like that.
F. Let me put this like this then, I am at the point where I have done gone on and begin what had to happen. Direct myself, engage myself and protect I and I from the environments of some.
G. A beginning of the beginning to feel the separation and grow with it.
H. In the past it would have been my nature to hurry up and call and talk and listen and I'm here stuck in my house. But, I am different now. NO MORE FAKE GOD-FATHER/MOTHER!
I. Wouldn't it be so nice to gather with Kinfolk, drink cafe con leche and have that opportunity to visit my Ninety-Four Year Old Abuela Mary. I would absolutely love this! But, the energy?
J. And like really, there is in fact a few of some who have this "all wrong"!
K. It's In The Blood.
L. I am okay with this shit for now. Really.
Your silence and my Deafness is a clear indication of this and now have been sent out via communique.
Life is so short...
Something I have not shared in a while and has always been a favorite way of connecting for me has been with talking about what is the latest on my bed-side table.
I'll begin with the literary and share that for the second time I have read a booklet first published in 1978, titled, "Practical Suggestions For Persons With A Hearing Impairment", written by Loren J. Bartels, M.D., while an Assistant Professor of Surgery, an Assistant Professor of Neurology Division of Otolaryngology, at the University of South Florida Medical Center, Audio-Vestibular Center. An interesting, educational and a nostalgic read. I suspect that some of the product and subject matter discussed in this booklet are no longer manufactured or spoken. In spite of an occasional step-out-of-time, this information is just as up in the face current as one might take at first note of going out of sound in this age and time. Very interesting indeed.
A second book recently completed is, "When The Legends Die?, written by Hal Borland. This book is a Five Star Read and what a true gut wrenching, life inspiring story! Mr. Borland, spoke to me through his words and I read this and experienced it as if one and or another read the story to me. With this publication there is no doubt that this was just about as close to one of those "can't put it down" books, I have read in a mighty long spell. What an emotional, Indian Story.
I will soon complete yet another reading of The Constitution of the United States of America, along with the Declaration of Independence, which was written by them who came before my Grand Father's, Grand Father's. Please, don't ask. I am not certain why it is I have this motivation to read and re-read these documents of historical nature....
...I bend my knee in a state of humbleness to say that there is some thing's just not quite white about these utterances, written down a couple of hundred years ago. I mean, really, if it has been a while since you never read The Constitution and Declaration of Independence, maybe it might could be a mighty fine time for some of you bible thumping, Two Faces who scream so loud so much more about "your" Rights. Oh, too busy and not concerned and not thinking about Rights's, is not using our rights's. Folk's not knowing our Rights's confuses my heart beats. It saddens me to see so many Kinfolk and Kindred carry on like a band of roaming apes, to vote on who the alpha is. !*POP*! - it makes me wonder how many of us citizens have never read these documents. I have enjoyed reading the Bible, more than one time even! I mean, like not even one never-ever-never look at the words of this country's history? I make a smile, yet my heart is bad from these ridiculous debating and political propaganda's on even my social fucking escapes. For Fucking Shit Sakes Folk's.!
I continue to read The New International Webster's Standard Dictionary, School and Office Edition. Kinfolk, I get a silly joy out of finding silly little errors with in these dictionaries. This one is my second dictionary. I read my first, two or so years removed. Still have it and still use it too. Yeah, I know. Don't ask why is it that I am utilizing two dictionaries at the same time when one would suffice. Well, this is because I have not read this other dictionary yet. Can you dig?
In Honor of Holocaust Remembrance Day and in Honor of Holocaust Remembrance Week, I have introduced myself to an author named Daniel Jonah Goldhagen. The title of this thick hard cover is "Hitler's Willing Executioners, Ordinary Germans And The Holocaust". I must admit that I am not knowing how to approach this publication as of yet, I am just a few pages in and I can feel the changes in my tummy and the rate of my respiration's have increased and what this author I am hoping will do, with the respect for all and every one involved in this War is to shed a light on the history of the conduct of German citizens, who did turn their backs on their very own neighbour. To murder your neighbour because One is a Jew, or because I am One who wears the Pink Triangle. My Dear God, Six Million Jews. Exterminated. In many cases, their own Kinfolk, would sabotage one and an other's True Blood Family. I have studied WWII history since late elementary school and have never turned back. As a Boy, what ever book I could borrow and or get my hands on from the library in school or the one in West Tampa or the one down town, I would walk the streets of West Tampa Junior High School - (The Home of the Greyhounds!) - to get my next book fix and owned my childhood home down there near Habana - not too far from the bakery there on Cypress.
I have here on my bedside table my journal for writing left handed. One high yellow highlighter marker, a couple of pens - one ball point the other gel. There's a couple or three Post Cards, my native stationary, a glass jar that has been cracked still with many quartz crystals, gems, stones and rocks enclosed. I am afraid the jar would be saddened should I place it into the recycle bin. The Family Martin, gifted me a hand full of some sweet and awesome gems. These lay here on my bedside table next to where it is I rest my big gimp bobble head. Tranquility?
On my bedside table, I have a fantastic "Woody", Action Figure, from the Motion Picture, "Toy Story". I love him to Deaf and have him standing near by my "Buzz Lightyear", Action Figure. My Cowboy Smurf, still lives with me. Right there with the faux wooden box my sister Ana Beth gifted me. A neat little private box for my little odds-n-ends. Yeah? Sits right there. I place my charging cellular telephone here on my bed-side table too.
There's a photo in colour of my Great Grand Mother Mimi, my Dearest Abuela, my Grand Mother with the Gathering of Many Grand Children. The photograph, sitting right there next to my picture cards of Jesus, the one's with the prayers printed on reverse of art work. My Heart.
Other than one call from one sister who lives in Georgia, a week or two removed and my Dearest Honorable Daughter, who lives near Africa, calling me to ask if I had heard that my Abuela had had a heart attack. Well, hell no, I had not received a call informing such from no one. None
Again..
I am ashamed and embarrassed by the conduct of Elders who I think are operating on many different levels of not knowing the reason's why they say and do as they live. Yes, roll with it. It is confusing, yes. But in this case, I see perfectly well without my new prescription glasses. Same thing is to see I still have certain Elders who speak like this and do like that. Almost as silly adolescents and perpetuate ill and sad energies.
Not a single elder called to have a talk with me or my bride. This is so true that it cuts to my lungs meat...
Your silence and my Deafness is a clear indication of this and thus, I have been journaled...
A. Some assume. Honey, I know this. I do.
B. Some Kin like playing emotional blabber mouth game.
C. See which One or the other win's the greatest ape chest bump. Alpha Man? Alpha Woman?
D. You never did call me to share any passing's of my Kinfolk. No. No one did.
E. What makes this so sad is that this is a snap shot of my life. Snap and just like that.
F. Let me put this like this then, I am at the point where I have done gone on and begin what had to happen. Direct myself, engage myself and protect I and I from the environments of some.
G. A beginning of the beginning to feel the separation and grow with it.
H. In the past it would have been my nature to hurry up and call and talk and listen and I'm here stuck in my house. But, I am different now. NO MORE FAKE GOD-FATHER/MOTHER!
I. Wouldn't it be so nice to gather with Kinfolk, drink cafe con leche and have that opportunity to visit my Ninety-Four Year Old Abuela Mary. I would absolutely love this! But, the energy?
J. And like really, there is in fact a few of some who have this "all wrong"!
K. It's In The Blood.
L. I am okay with this shit for now. Really.
Your silence and my Deafness is a clear indication of this and now have been sent out via communique.
Life is so short...
Tuesday, April 9, 2013
It is Share And Tell It Time! Live from Sunny Florida
Relation's,
It has been a minute since my last Share and Tell It, so please, sit back and give it a look and read. This is an invite to an uncensored open hearted communique! Shot not so too straight from the hip's! Pardon the potty mouth if the shit hits the fan once or twice or thrice and without further delay, I'm off!
1. The Clinic that I am a patient of is the Tampa Bay Hearing & Balance Center.
2. My Doctor, He-Who-Touched-My-Brain's real name is Dr. Christopher J. Danner.
3. There is an Elder Physician In Practice here. I respect his very presence. Both World Renown.
4. The practice/clinic occupies an entire floor of a Medical Tower @ Tampa General Hospital..
5. I love each and every Team Mate here at Tampa Bay Hearing & Balance Center.
6. I have placed my life in my Right Good Doctors hand's many time's. I trust him.
7. This is the Only Man on Earth Mother who as ever touched my brain. I love my doctor.
8. My doctor, his awesome staff of Audiologists, his assistants - my BGF's 'Vonnn and Mattiologist, ROCK-The-Free-World! I must holla @ Annnnnnna! Too cool she is, yes. I am endeared by Le Fem Duo Rouge at the front desk and have had a school boy crush on Miss. Q., from day one. No lie. My eye orbs did boing-oing like Bugs Bunny does when he sees "any" rabbit in a dress.
9. Oh yes, speaking of Bugs Bunny, my brother was a cross dresser. Eh?
10. I am listening to Gato Barbieri's, Europa (Earth's Cry, Heaven's Smile). O, my heart.
11. From the album "Calienti", which was a huge international hit back in the late 1970's.
12. I am positive that I drove my room mate in the Army mad by this album! Ha! Jimmy?
13. For Pete's Sake, it's still selling! I just recently purchased it from the iTunes. Again.
14. I listen to Gato with one ear. My Left Deaf remembers the days. I know she does.
15. I have had the introduction to my life, of a non-profit organization named Self-Reliance.
16. My Advocate, with Self-Reliance and I meet in the morrow. I am so excited I can pee-pee and more than happy to include my main transport and ride, My Little Short Blue Bus. I share though, that I become anxious when my tickets begin to run low. Like, OMG, I am stressing kind of anxiety. Oh yeah, I tell you it's true. And these are never used for pleasure - it's all about the business. My Better Health, Mind, Body and Spirit Team and I.
17. My Advocate, is an extraordinary gentleman and one I have entrusted. I am once again letting myself 'open up' to another and pray that this crossing of path's will travel in the direction that I am positive we both want as out comes to our Business Plan's.
18. To have an advocate on my side has been rare and new in my life. I am still awe-inspired and am comfortable knowing that My Advocate is a member of my Team. He has me in mind.
19. And an Allie here on My Path.
20. Chanel's, PRECISION AGE DELAY, Emulsion Prolonggateur Jeunesse, is a favorite product!
21. CLINIQUE, is fantastique!
22. I have worn YVES SAINT LAURENT since adolescents.
23. And was introduced to ECHT KOLNISCH WASSER 4711, while stationed in Germany.
24. My Daughter who lives in a land far and further away informed me that my grand mother has had a heart attack recently. Apparently, this occurred days ago - providing enough time for an admission and eventual discharge. My Daughter lives on the most North Eastern parts of Africa - across and into the Middle East, on the other side of Earth Mother. WTMFITMFS?
25.
I do not think that I sent out a Share and Tell It Time, last month. Maybe I'll send out another later on this month. Maybe.
Note: The number 25, Is left bare with intention. My silence is best at this moment.
I have no more to say.
It has been a minute since my last Share and Tell It, so please, sit back and give it a look and read. This is an invite to an uncensored open hearted communique! Shot not so too straight from the hip's! Pardon the potty mouth if the shit hits the fan once or twice or thrice and without further delay, I'm off!
1. The Clinic that I am a patient of is the Tampa Bay Hearing & Balance Center.
2. My Doctor, He-Who-Touched-My-Brain's real name is Dr. Christopher J. Danner.
3. There is an Elder Physician In Practice here. I respect his very presence. Both World Renown.
4. The practice/clinic occupies an entire floor of a Medical Tower @ Tampa General Hospital..
5. I love each and every Team Mate here at Tampa Bay Hearing & Balance Center.
6. I have placed my life in my Right Good Doctors hand's many time's. I trust him.
7. This is the Only Man on Earth Mother who as ever touched my brain. I love my doctor.
8. My doctor, his awesome staff of Audiologists, his assistants - my BGF's 'Vonnn and Mattiologist, ROCK-The-Free-World! I must holla @ Annnnnnna! Too cool she is, yes. I am endeared by Le Fem Duo Rouge at the front desk and have had a school boy crush on Miss. Q., from day one. No lie. My eye orbs did boing-oing like Bugs Bunny does when he sees "any" rabbit in a dress.
9. Oh yes, speaking of Bugs Bunny, my brother was a cross dresser. Eh?
10. I am listening to Gato Barbieri's, Europa (Earth's Cry, Heaven's Smile). O, my heart.
11. From the album "Calienti", which was a huge international hit back in the late 1970's.
12. I am positive that I drove my room mate in the Army mad by this album! Ha! Jimmy?
13. For Pete's Sake, it's still selling! I just recently purchased it from the iTunes. Again.
14. I listen to Gato with one ear. My Left Deaf remembers the days. I know she does.
15. I have had the introduction to my life, of a non-profit organization named Self-Reliance.
16. My Advocate, with Self-Reliance and I meet in the morrow. I am so excited I can pee-pee and more than happy to include my main transport and ride, My Little Short Blue Bus. I share though, that I become anxious when my tickets begin to run low. Like, OMG, I am stressing kind of anxiety. Oh yeah, I tell you it's true. And these are never used for pleasure - it's all about the business. My Better Health, Mind, Body and Spirit Team and I.
17. My Advocate, is an extraordinary gentleman and one I have entrusted. I am once again letting myself 'open up' to another and pray that this crossing of path's will travel in the direction that I am positive we both want as out comes to our Business Plan's.
18. To have an advocate on my side has been rare and new in my life. I am still awe-inspired and am comfortable knowing that My Advocate is a member of my Team. He has me in mind.
19. And an Allie here on My Path.
20. Chanel's, PRECISION AGE DELAY, Emulsion Prolonggateur Jeunesse, is a favorite product!
21. CLINIQUE, is fantastique!
22. I have worn YVES SAINT LAURENT since adolescents.
23. And was introduced to ECHT KOLNISCH WASSER 4711, while stationed in Germany.
24. My Daughter who lives in a land far and further away informed me that my grand mother has had a heart attack recently. Apparently, this occurred days ago - providing enough time for an admission and eventual discharge. My Daughter lives on the most North Eastern parts of Africa - across and into the Middle East, on the other side of Earth Mother. WTMFITMFS?
25.
I do not think that I sent out a Share and Tell It Time, last month. Maybe I'll send out another later on this month. Maybe.
Note: The number 25, Is left bare with intention. My silence is best at this moment.
I have no more to say.
Right-Good Folk and Daughter's
Relation's,
I had the pleasure of sitting with some Right-Good Folk today. Blessed I am. Yes.
Was provided the opportunity to meet a sweet brand-new dear friend. An infant so tiny, I reckon she didn't way much more than a sack of rice. She who was brought forth by the Grace of God. I was also provided the opportunity to meet her Dad, He-From-The-Mountain's. It is my pleasure to have met both...
...and Mommy Bear, knows that I love her as if we bleed same blood. An Honor.
Blessed, is an awesome state of being. Gift's from God, are Blessing's. Seen.
Am sitting here tip-tapping while on the Skype chatting wit my eldest childling. (Yes, I did) She who lives in land far and far away, as in 7,810 miles, far and further away from here. In my brains, it does not make sense how it is we are separated by these bazillion of kilometers and conduct a conversation and I listen to her voice as if she sits right here next to me. As a matter of fact, just minutes ago I stepped into the kitchen and listened to her being silly and carrying on and what not, and I do swear to my heart that it sounded as if she was in the room waiting for me...
...blessed is a Daddy's Heart. And this Daddy's Heart sitting right here is so very blessed to have two daughter's as wonderful, as strong and as beautiful as the two Great Spirit Graced us with.
I'm not worthy.
Yet, Great Spirit, Blessed my dearest Bride and I, a simple man, with two of the most absolutely amazing daughter's, on all of Earth Mother.
I had the pleasure of sitting with some Right-Good Folk today. Blessed I am. Yes.
Was provided the opportunity to meet a sweet brand-new dear friend. An infant so tiny, I reckon she didn't way much more than a sack of rice. She who was brought forth by the Grace of God. I was also provided the opportunity to meet her Dad, He-From-The-Mountain's. It is my pleasure to have met both...
...and Mommy Bear, knows that I love her as if we bleed same blood. An Honor.
Blessed, is an awesome state of being. Gift's from God, are Blessing's. Seen.
Am sitting here tip-tapping while on the Skype chatting wit my eldest childling. (Yes, I did) She who lives in land far and far away, as in 7,810 miles, far and further away from here. In my brains, it does not make sense how it is we are separated by these bazillion of kilometers and conduct a conversation and I listen to her voice as if she sits right here next to me. As a matter of fact, just minutes ago I stepped into the kitchen and listened to her being silly and carrying on and what not, and I do swear to my heart that it sounded as if she was in the room waiting for me...
...blessed is a Daddy's Heart. And this Daddy's Heart sitting right here is so very blessed to have two daughter's as wonderful, as strong and as beautiful as the two Great Spirit Graced us with.
I'm not worthy.
Yet, Great Spirit, Blessed my dearest Bride and I, a simple man, with two of the most absolutely amazing daughter's, on all of Earth Mother.
Monday, April 8, 2013
I Believe, A Communique 08 April 2013
Dearest Relation's,
I wish peace.
Before I go much further, I ask that you please accept my mea culpa. I apologize sincerely for my lack of penmanship. Yes, perhaps I could chalk it up to the sleep that has continued now for what amounts to two plus weeks. But I won't. No, not this is not the twenty hours per day of recent, but I am still held within the grips of the slumber. I stopped counting since the last I sent out a communique. Please, my Relations, know I am truly contrite and have a plan to get back into a swing of things in Life, on My Path, and sharing my utterances about this ridiculously mad, silent disease, Meniere's.
As of this moment, 1934, on this date, 08 April, 2013, I am gagging and burping from the nausea caught in my lower throat. I burp with a purpose and still hope that this helps me with the nausea. This is happening right now right here where I have this slight dip between my two shoulder blades. It's like smack dab in front of my lower throat, is where this originates actually. The best I can describe this is to compare it to back when I was Anorexic and Bulimic. You see, sometimes there is a delay of two or three gags before the vomit would expel from my stomach and exit the portal from whence it came. Those days are remembered each and every fucking time I have the nausea and especially the gagging attacks. For shits sake, I'm going to have a stroke behind this heaving and gagging and dry throw up. Maybe just my saliva, with it's hyper-productivity spilling from my lips will please the vomit spirit's. My lip's.
My Deaf Left Ear, is roaring like a giant water fall that I am standing simple yards from. I swear to my own heart that I have NEVER been able to find and read and or get an adequate exclamation of this absurd chaos that goes on between these three ears of mine. I count my BAHA as my third ear. I mean, when I bathe every day, it needs to be washed just like my other two ears. Huh? I can hear two ears being washed only, my right good-bad-ear-hole-to-the-brains and my implant. My Dear Deaf Left, is as out of sound as a door knob. Don't ask...
...yet, today, I listen to and hear voice's, sound's of the swamps of The National Everglades Park at dusk and from Tarzan's Jungle. The sounds of giant six foot tall cicadas are driving me goof-fuckin'-ball-mad this afternoon. My right hear is listening to Jana Kramer, singing "Whiskey". She's singing just to me and my one-ear-hole-to-the-brain. I have been listening to some far off in the distance beeps and almost a funnels like sound distortion weaving these beeps near and far from my hearing. Crazy! Crazy?
My Right Ear has been popping plenty. So very distracting and sometimes so loud, and happening often enough that I will discuss this with my Dr. Danner, on our next face to face. And yes, I take, eat and swallow my medication as ordered and directed every day of life. I swallow..
...like the food I eat for sustenance, I consume the many pills, capsules, and tablets to enable me to continue along this Path of mine. There is great hope that some two are to be discontinued soon. Maybe sometime not too far from now. I pray. And am hopeful that because I swallow these modern day miracle medications, they will do right by me. As I have done right by them, and as it has been that these, my Dear Right Good Doctor's, have prescribed these multi coloured, splintered, razor sharp self-inducing medications that I eat gladly. Daily I swallow. Still.
I have sweat, perspired and misted the majority of my awake time today. Two showers, two t-shirts and here I sit with my "do rag" on my scalp and my favorite red bandanna tied around my neck, not too tight right like, and at this very instant the misting is limited to my neck and scalp. Which is fine by me. Often times this is so damned embarrassing. Especially when in public. Or at Publix, where shopping is a pleasure. Or the store with the Two Big Red Ball's out front of it's doors. The store also known as the store with the Big Red Dot. Or, anywhere really. Damn it.
I share that this feels good being here and sitting here sharing with you, my Guest. Thank you for stopping by and reading a bit about me and this Meniere's today. I would like to think that this communique is the one that breaks the pattern of not communicating...
...in my mind, heart and energies, I know that the silences is not what is best for me or the direction I am headed towards. I think certainly I have had a break through. I am holding on and taking this wave to the shore.
I have simply got to get back onto my Pony and keep on riding. Keep on keeping on, is where I come from and at this moment, even though quite uncomfortable and the sweating has returned,
I believe.
This is all I have to say.
I believe.
I wish peace.
Before I go much further, I ask that you please accept my mea culpa. I apologize sincerely for my lack of penmanship. Yes, perhaps I could chalk it up to the sleep that has continued now for what amounts to two plus weeks. But I won't. No, not this is not the twenty hours per day of recent, but I am still held within the grips of the slumber. I stopped counting since the last I sent out a communique. Please, my Relations, know I am truly contrite and have a plan to get back into a swing of things in Life, on My Path, and sharing my utterances about this ridiculously mad, silent disease, Meniere's.
As of this moment, 1934, on this date, 08 April, 2013, I am gagging and burping from the nausea caught in my lower throat. I burp with a purpose and still hope that this helps me with the nausea. This is happening right now right here where I have this slight dip between my two shoulder blades. It's like smack dab in front of my lower throat, is where this originates actually. The best I can describe this is to compare it to back when I was Anorexic and Bulimic. You see, sometimes there is a delay of two or three gags before the vomit would expel from my stomach and exit the portal from whence it came. Those days are remembered each and every fucking time I have the nausea and especially the gagging attacks. For shits sake, I'm going to have a stroke behind this heaving and gagging and dry throw up. Maybe just my saliva, with it's hyper-productivity spilling from my lips will please the vomit spirit's. My lip's.
My Deaf Left Ear, is roaring like a giant water fall that I am standing simple yards from. I swear to my own heart that I have NEVER been able to find and read and or get an adequate exclamation of this absurd chaos that goes on between these three ears of mine. I count my BAHA as my third ear. I mean, when I bathe every day, it needs to be washed just like my other two ears. Huh? I can hear two ears being washed only, my right good-bad-ear-hole-to-the-brains and my implant. My Dear Deaf Left, is as out of sound as a door knob. Don't ask...
...yet, today, I listen to and hear voice's, sound's of the swamps of The National Everglades Park at dusk and from Tarzan's Jungle. The sounds of giant six foot tall cicadas are driving me goof-fuckin'-ball-mad this afternoon. My right hear is listening to Jana Kramer, singing "Whiskey". She's singing just to me and my one-ear-hole-to-the-brain. I have been listening to some far off in the distance beeps and almost a funnels like sound distortion weaving these beeps near and far from my hearing. Crazy! Crazy?
My Right Ear has been popping plenty. So very distracting and sometimes so loud, and happening often enough that I will discuss this with my Dr. Danner, on our next face to face. And yes, I take, eat and swallow my medication as ordered and directed every day of life. I swallow..
...like the food I eat for sustenance, I consume the many pills, capsules, and tablets to enable me to continue along this Path of mine. There is great hope that some two are to be discontinued soon. Maybe sometime not too far from now. I pray. And am hopeful that because I swallow these modern day miracle medications, they will do right by me. As I have done right by them, and as it has been that these, my Dear Right Good Doctor's, have prescribed these multi coloured, splintered, razor sharp self-inducing medications that I eat gladly. Daily I swallow. Still.
I have sweat, perspired and misted the majority of my awake time today. Two showers, two t-shirts and here I sit with my "do rag" on my scalp and my favorite red bandanna tied around my neck, not too tight right like, and at this very instant the misting is limited to my neck and scalp. Which is fine by me. Often times this is so damned embarrassing. Especially when in public. Or at Publix, where shopping is a pleasure. Or the store with the Two Big Red Ball's out front of it's doors. The store also known as the store with the Big Red Dot. Or, anywhere really. Damn it.
I share that this feels good being here and sitting here sharing with you, my Guest. Thank you for stopping by and reading a bit about me and this Meniere's today. I would like to think that this communique is the one that breaks the pattern of not communicating...
...in my mind, heart and energies, I know that the silences is not what is best for me or the direction I am headed towards. I think certainly I have had a break through. I am holding on and taking this wave to the shore.
I have simply got to get back onto my Pony and keep on riding. Keep on keeping on, is where I come from and at this moment, even though quite uncomfortable and the sweating has returned,
I believe.
This is all I have to say.
I believe.
Thursday, April 4, 2013
Meniere's Since Tuesday, The Cycle Of Sleep Has Been Broken
Kindred,
Today is the Fourth Day of April, 2013.
I sit in a place that I have learned is not too safe for me anymore. Seems to me that the more I am cut off from what is happening in my immediate area and community, the more worrisome I become. Soon, my dearest Bride and I will gather our thoughts and idea's to come up with a plan on how we are going to make our home a safer and more secure place for me when I am home alone and for when my wife, Botswana and I are here tucked away in our Lodge.
When I sit here while home alone, as I am now, the front of the Lodge is disconnected from me. Same is true about the entire West Wing, which includes our bedroom that includes two of my Safe Places, our great room, dining room, a bath and our garage. And even though just ten or so yards from the East Yard, I do not hear what is going on out there either. I know that it has rained off and on today, I smell it. The yard, gardens and car port are wet, but I did not hear a sound or one drop. The rains have come in good time. The drought continues and we have some dangerous situations going on here in Florida, with area's that are dry that were not dry before. Lakes, ponds and streams have gone dry. Blessed, Great Spirit, let it rain and let it rain some more.
On Tuesday the second I was able to break the cycle of sleep. Oh, and how appropriate is the use an exclamation right about now! That morning, I woke at 0730 and had my chin dragging on the floor and I was so ready and so-steadily-situated-to-side-step on things and area's of intense focus on matters that have been at work and in progress for months. Please, keep in mind that over the course of ten days I had slept over one hundred fifty hours, I was disgusted with myself and for what I thought were such damned important subjects just days ago. I was prepared to self sabotage all that My Team and I have done and worked on and gotten to and for fucks sake, I am serious. I was wrapped deeply in the blankets of sadness, gloom and a whole heapin' serving of self-loathing...
...seems to be that I would 'get it' by now that post Meniere's attack symptoms include that I am to be enveloped by the gloom. I'll catch on some time, some day. Some way, I say, I will. I promise this to myself and I.
Later on this past Tuesday, I was provided the opportunity to have a face to face with my right good doctor, He-Who-Touched-My-Brain. Sadly, I took that energy of self-destruction with me. I know I did because I saw my Spirit meet with Doctor's and my Doctor's Spirit's were affected by my words. That afternoon and no more than a couple of hours after doctor had his face in my face, I had reversed the direction I was headed in and steadied my Pony and got back on My Path and on course...
...I say I can do this. I can do it. Do it. Can Do! Drill Sargent! Yes, I'll Just Do It. To Deaf!
'Vonn, from over at Doc. D.'s clinic has faxed over the referral for work to be done in our bath. I am so excited that I can't deny it! I will bring along this document when I meet with My Advocate, over at Self-Reliance, Inc., next week. I'm so excited about the visit too because My Advocate has some fantastic equipment for me.
And, oh yes, all of this sure does fit in right on in there with respects to making our home a safer environment for me and a more secure home for us to dwell. I am indeed the Blessed One to have crossed paths with My Advocate and this extraordinary organization. I am.
The rains have kept our temperatures cool and comfortable in and out of doors. After several days of air condition, it is pleasant to have the breeze pass through our House of Seven Windows. Yet, even with these cooler temperature's, the sweats of Meniere's has had me with or without a shirt off and on all of the today. I sit here bare chested and am still uncomfortable. Yes, I know, it's all part of the Meniere's Experience and I probably might could have a plan in place for this and then, I would say to anyone who says that to me to please kiss my ass. Wait, that's no way to treat a Lady, but this type of verbiage is the type of shit I have to hear and listen to when ignorant Folks talk. Seems to me like there is still a whole damned many of them too. But, I share, things are getting better.
Since this Tuesday, the nausea has been on hyper-drive and has been hyper-productive. I have had gagging attacks on the extense. What, when all I am bringing out of my mouth is the saliva that seems to become over productive and literally spills from my gagging face and mouth. I mean, for shits sake, I gag and I hunch over in anticipation of vomit knowing there's nothing in my stomach. I was and am passing body liquids from my face like a fountain. No, not funny, although I did laugh at myself when I caught a peak at what I look like when I have these gagging attacks. Fack Honey's!
My right ear has been having some very difficult times hearing since this most recent Meniere's and vertigo attack and its symptom's. I swear that it seems as if my hearing has gone to a new low level of difficulty hearing. Then, there are the sounds and noises coming from both ears so very bad these two past days. My Dear Good One God, MY EARS ARE ROARING! Earlier today, shortly after rising from bed actually and around 0930, I heard what sounded like a jet plane in freeze frame over the Lodge. Hell yes, just like if a air bus was in a state of suspended animation - directly over head and not traveling anywhere. Just there. With it's engines roaring and roaring, loud and louder. No, there wasn't a damned air bus out side! By the way, I did not go out of doors to look. On this piece, I have taken it for granted that I am learning to distinguish what is this from what is and isn't that. My Deaf Left Ear is acting up and sending and receiving Top Secret Codes from the KGB, the FBI and the CIA and the Guamanian Secret Service. These Morris Codes have been non-damned-stop since last night. I went to bed to rest and sleep with the Morris Code and I woke this morning with the beepity-beep-beep-beepity-beep-beep. There seems to be an urgency coming out of Moscow. Um, no I don't have my translator on yet. Fuck!
These beeps are inhumane! The Geneva Convention would file papers against this type of torture. I know this as a fact, it is a very simple fact, this type of sound and effect has affected who I am, where I am headed now and today compared to just a very short few years ago. I know this.
To my Guest's, I wish to thank you for your visit. I am honored.
The cycle of sleep has been broken!
Love, peace and more peace, me
Today is the Fourth Day of April, 2013.
I sit in a place that I have learned is not too safe for me anymore. Seems to me that the more I am cut off from what is happening in my immediate area and community, the more worrisome I become. Soon, my dearest Bride and I will gather our thoughts and idea's to come up with a plan on how we are going to make our home a safer and more secure place for me when I am home alone and for when my wife, Botswana and I are here tucked away in our Lodge.
When I sit here while home alone, as I am now, the front of the Lodge is disconnected from me. Same is true about the entire West Wing, which includes our bedroom that includes two of my Safe Places, our great room, dining room, a bath and our garage. And even though just ten or so yards from the East Yard, I do not hear what is going on out there either. I know that it has rained off and on today, I smell it. The yard, gardens and car port are wet, but I did not hear a sound or one drop. The rains have come in good time. The drought continues and we have some dangerous situations going on here in Florida, with area's that are dry that were not dry before. Lakes, ponds and streams have gone dry. Blessed, Great Spirit, let it rain and let it rain some more.
On Tuesday the second I was able to break the cycle of sleep. Oh, and how appropriate is the use an exclamation right about now! That morning, I woke at 0730 and had my chin dragging on the floor and I was so ready and so-steadily-situated-to-side-step on things and area's of intense focus on matters that have been at work and in progress for months. Please, keep in mind that over the course of ten days I had slept over one hundred fifty hours, I was disgusted with myself and for what I thought were such damned important subjects just days ago. I was prepared to self sabotage all that My Team and I have done and worked on and gotten to and for fucks sake, I am serious. I was wrapped deeply in the blankets of sadness, gloom and a whole heapin' serving of self-loathing...
...seems to be that I would 'get it' by now that post Meniere's attack symptoms include that I am to be enveloped by the gloom. I'll catch on some time, some day. Some way, I say, I will. I promise this to myself and I.
Later on this past Tuesday, I was provided the opportunity to have a face to face with my right good doctor, He-Who-Touched-My-Brain. Sadly, I took that energy of self-destruction with me. I know I did because I saw my Spirit meet with Doctor's and my Doctor's Spirit's were affected by my words. That afternoon and no more than a couple of hours after doctor had his face in my face, I had reversed the direction I was headed in and steadied my Pony and got back on My Path and on course...
...I say I can do this. I can do it. Do it. Can Do! Drill Sargent! Yes, I'll Just Do It. To Deaf!
'Vonn, from over at Doc. D.'s clinic has faxed over the referral for work to be done in our bath. I am so excited that I can't deny it! I will bring along this document when I meet with My Advocate, over at Self-Reliance, Inc., next week. I'm so excited about the visit too because My Advocate has some fantastic equipment for me.
And, oh yes, all of this sure does fit in right on in there with respects to making our home a safer environment for me and a more secure home for us to dwell. I am indeed the Blessed One to have crossed paths with My Advocate and this extraordinary organization. I am.
The rains have kept our temperatures cool and comfortable in and out of doors. After several days of air condition, it is pleasant to have the breeze pass through our House of Seven Windows. Yet, even with these cooler temperature's, the sweats of Meniere's has had me with or without a shirt off and on all of the today. I sit here bare chested and am still uncomfortable. Yes, I know, it's all part of the Meniere's Experience and I probably might could have a plan in place for this and then, I would say to anyone who says that to me to please kiss my ass. Wait, that's no way to treat a Lady, but this type of verbiage is the type of shit I have to hear and listen to when ignorant Folks talk. Seems to me like there is still a whole damned many of them too. But, I share, things are getting better.
Since this Tuesday, the nausea has been on hyper-drive and has been hyper-productive. I have had gagging attacks on the extense. What, when all I am bringing out of my mouth is the saliva that seems to become over productive and literally spills from my gagging face and mouth. I mean, for shits sake, I gag and I hunch over in anticipation of vomit knowing there's nothing in my stomach. I was and am passing body liquids from my face like a fountain. No, not funny, although I did laugh at myself when I caught a peak at what I look like when I have these gagging attacks. Fack Honey's!
My right ear has been having some very difficult times hearing since this most recent Meniere's and vertigo attack and its symptom's. I swear that it seems as if my hearing has gone to a new low level of difficulty hearing. Then, there are the sounds and noises coming from both ears so very bad these two past days. My Dear Good One God, MY EARS ARE ROARING! Earlier today, shortly after rising from bed actually and around 0930, I heard what sounded like a jet plane in freeze frame over the Lodge. Hell yes, just like if a air bus was in a state of suspended animation - directly over head and not traveling anywhere. Just there. With it's engines roaring and roaring, loud and louder. No, there wasn't a damned air bus out side! By the way, I did not go out of doors to look. On this piece, I have taken it for granted that I am learning to distinguish what is this from what is and isn't that. My Deaf Left Ear is acting up and sending and receiving Top Secret Codes from the KGB, the FBI and the CIA and the Guamanian Secret Service. These Morris Codes have been non-damned-stop since last night. I went to bed to rest and sleep with the Morris Code and I woke this morning with the beepity-beep-beep-beepity-beep-beep. There seems to be an urgency coming out of Moscow. Um, no I don't have my translator on yet. Fuck!
These beeps are inhumane! The Geneva Convention would file papers against this type of torture. I know this as a fact, it is a very simple fact, this type of sound and effect has affected who I am, where I am headed now and today compared to just a very short few years ago. I know this.
To my Guest's, I wish to thank you for your visit. I am honored.
The cycle of sleep has been broken!
Love, peace and more peace, me
Tuesday, April 2, 2013
Meniere's Disease, The Sleep Continues, My Doctor and God Save Syria
Kind One's,
I begin this communique with the news of a continued battle with deep and long sleeps that really have seemingly taken over and control of my mind and body since the Meniere's Disease, Vertigo Attack on the night of 23 March and which lasted well into the morning of Sunday 24 March 2013. Today is 02 April 2013. This morning when I woke from slumber I felt as if I had no sleep at all. It is now that after having slept over one hundred forty hours since and still averaging twenty hours per day of deep dream inducing sleep, that I must wage a fight against this and with this said, I am compelled to assist with the breaking up of this very long curse of sleep. My Kindred One, I am ashamed to admit that I have slept so much of my life away. These are days of hours that I will never retrieve. Poof, they're gone. Just like that.
Sunday, Easter Day, was the one day that I was able to stay awake longer than six hours. I was able to spend fantastic, loving time with family. My two brilliant nephews! Oh, how I love them so very much. My Lil' Dude's, for sure. It truly makes me sick in my heart and mind to think of life that has dashed right on by.
I make mention of an ill stomach and say this because I have had nausea over the past two hours. Have had disgusting gag attacks that have made my lower jaw and chest ache. So very disgusting and this accompanied by a constant taste of stomach acids - which seems to have clung to my tongue and teeth. I think rich blue berries would be nice to help with this disgusting taste in my mouth and I will remember to pick some up the next time in the market where shopping is a pleasure. For now, strawberries will have to do. It is too bad these are not the wild berry, the wild berry is a better bitter berry for these types of stomach, nausea and vomit-in-my-mouth occurrence's. These are not so much to eat, but more to suck on for the juices that chase away the tastes of productive nausea.
I am sweating. Bad, and I feel cold and clammy to the touch. My forehead and the top of my skull is wet from this and my t-shirt clings to my neck. I feel the wetness on my chest and back. I am dizzy and this dizziness is intoxicating this morning. My steps are guarded as I seem to stumble about my safe place. And I feel weak and subdued.
The spiders have returned and the worms have never gone anywhere anyway from the left side of my upper left scalp. Look, these bleeding bastards were so difficult this morning about three, that I considered sticking my scalp with an ice pick. I wanted to see if I might control this ridiculous shit going on between my scalp and skull on my own means. Yeah, it sounds ridiculous, but my dear Kin, if you only knew...
I have an appointment with He-Who-Touched-My-Brains at 1200 noon, today. I am eager to see my Dear Good Right Doctor. The wound has sealed, so for the first time since last year there isn't drainage from there and I know Doc. will be appreciative of that, but I don't know if he will be happy seeing a little lip sticking out the side of my skull. The BAHA, Bone Anchored Hearing Aid, does in fact come into direct contact with this piece of my flesh, but there isn't any pain associated with it. Yet, anyways. If it shrinks we celebrate - if it grows, it's back to the slice-n-dice. As of this morning the size remains the same as last week. Time will tell. We'll talk in a spell.
We'll also discuss whatever confusion there may be between She-With-Many-Name's and this clinic. As a patient, I want my Neurologist to know that she makes the calls on the cervical spine and neurologically related issues. Cart Blanche. My Doctor Danner, makes all the calls on the Meniere's Disease front. This waiting around for He to approve She is for the fucking birds. I have been in pain and discomfort in my scalp, neck and shoulder for well over a week. Apparently, Botox, does not do me well. Please.
Shit!
My In-Law's will be here directly for a trip Down Town. May our visit be a Blessed visit.
Would you judge me harshly if I shared that I could go back to sleep. An hour ago?
It is written that 6,000 people were murdered in Syria, by Assad and his military in the month of March. I see that more children have been killed than Women and I ask myself, what the fuck is going on here? Why is it that Mother Earth and Her People's have turned a collected back on these wonderful peoples of Syria, my fellow Humans. My Kindred Spirit's...
...the Government's of every country on this globe has stamped, "APPROVED", on the Genocide perpetrated today. Just as it was the Government's of this World turned their backs on what Hitler was doing with Jewish citizens. As a Child Of God, I pray, as a citizen of Mother Earth, I scream for justice, and as a Kindred Spirit, my Heart, Mind, and Spirit's are sad and bitter. It remains my belief that if Syria and her Citizens were a White People's - our Marines, Army Soldiers, Navy and Air Force would have been all over this abomination to all Man Kind.
I have no more to say.
I begin this communique with the news of a continued battle with deep and long sleeps that really have seemingly taken over and control of my mind and body since the Meniere's Disease, Vertigo Attack on the night of 23 March and which lasted well into the morning of Sunday 24 March 2013. Today is 02 April 2013. This morning when I woke from slumber I felt as if I had no sleep at all. It is now that after having slept over one hundred forty hours since and still averaging twenty hours per day of deep dream inducing sleep, that I must wage a fight against this and with this said, I am compelled to assist with the breaking up of this very long curse of sleep. My Kindred One, I am ashamed to admit that I have slept so much of my life away. These are days of hours that I will never retrieve. Poof, they're gone. Just like that.
Sunday, Easter Day, was the one day that I was able to stay awake longer than six hours. I was able to spend fantastic, loving time with family. My two brilliant nephews! Oh, how I love them so very much. My Lil' Dude's, for sure. It truly makes me sick in my heart and mind to think of life that has dashed right on by.
I make mention of an ill stomach and say this because I have had nausea over the past two hours. Have had disgusting gag attacks that have made my lower jaw and chest ache. So very disgusting and this accompanied by a constant taste of stomach acids - which seems to have clung to my tongue and teeth. I think rich blue berries would be nice to help with this disgusting taste in my mouth and I will remember to pick some up the next time in the market where shopping is a pleasure. For now, strawberries will have to do. It is too bad these are not the wild berry, the wild berry is a better bitter berry for these types of stomach, nausea and vomit-in-my-mouth occurrence's. These are not so much to eat, but more to suck on for the juices that chase away the tastes of productive nausea.
I am sweating. Bad, and I feel cold and clammy to the touch. My forehead and the top of my skull is wet from this and my t-shirt clings to my neck. I feel the wetness on my chest and back. I am dizzy and this dizziness is intoxicating this morning. My steps are guarded as I seem to stumble about my safe place. And I feel weak and subdued.
The spiders have returned and the worms have never gone anywhere anyway from the left side of my upper left scalp. Look, these bleeding bastards were so difficult this morning about three, that I considered sticking my scalp with an ice pick. I wanted to see if I might control this ridiculous shit going on between my scalp and skull on my own means. Yeah, it sounds ridiculous, but my dear Kin, if you only knew...
I have an appointment with He-Who-Touched-My-Brains at 1200 noon, today. I am eager to see my Dear Good Right Doctor. The wound has sealed, so for the first time since last year there isn't drainage from there and I know Doc. will be appreciative of that, but I don't know if he will be happy seeing a little lip sticking out the side of my skull. The BAHA, Bone Anchored Hearing Aid, does in fact come into direct contact with this piece of my flesh, but there isn't any pain associated with it. Yet, anyways. If it shrinks we celebrate - if it grows, it's back to the slice-n-dice. As of this morning the size remains the same as last week. Time will tell. We'll talk in a spell.
We'll also discuss whatever confusion there may be between She-With-Many-Name's and this clinic. As a patient, I want my Neurologist to know that she makes the calls on the cervical spine and neurologically related issues. Cart Blanche. My Doctor Danner, makes all the calls on the Meniere's Disease front. This waiting around for He to approve She is for the fucking birds. I have been in pain and discomfort in my scalp, neck and shoulder for well over a week. Apparently, Botox, does not do me well. Please.
Shit!
My In-Law's will be here directly for a trip Down Town. May our visit be a Blessed visit.
Would you judge me harshly if I shared that I could go back to sleep. An hour ago?
It is written that 6,000 people were murdered in Syria, by Assad and his military in the month of March. I see that more children have been killed than Women and I ask myself, what the fuck is going on here? Why is it that Mother Earth and Her People's have turned a collected back on these wonderful peoples of Syria, my fellow Humans. My Kindred Spirit's...
...the Government's of every country on this globe has stamped, "APPROVED", on the Genocide perpetrated today. Just as it was the Government's of this World turned their backs on what Hitler was doing with Jewish citizens. As a Child Of God, I pray, as a citizen of Mother Earth, I scream for justice, and as a Kindred Spirit, my Heart, Mind, and Spirit's are sad and bitter. It remains my belief that if Syria and her Citizens were a White People's - our Marines, Army Soldiers, Navy and Air Force would have been all over this abomination to all Man Kind.
I have no more to say.
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