If there was a means, I would gladly appreciate a Deep Brain Massage. I know what it's like to have deep tissue massage, but a brain massage would be orgasmic. There are times when I wish I could if even but a minute reach behind this skull of mine. Areas of pain develop like pockets of nerves waiting to be hit and distributed to other parts of this Human Body. There are very few nights that I miss out on massaging my scalp by hand and with a tool that finds and hits these damned nerves every time. I consider the flesh, nerves and vessels that have been cut, sliced and disposed of...
...my head does not look like the skull and head I was born with. I have that canvas here that is painting a of saucer sized satellite resting on the left side of my head. Look, when I can see it face-to-face on and or in the mirror, I know this is going to be big, no, huge once done and healed.
The site of my implant is smooth and soft to the South of implant and lumped and Mal-formed scars to the North. I want this ointment to work and succeed at it's intended purpose. I mean, please, will some body toss this ole Doggy a bone. It's in the Core of my mind and being that there will be another trip to procedure or surgery. Then, if I am incorrect, I'll be happy. Oui?
Please, pardon me, speaking of dogs, I observed something that my dear hound Ting Ting does with her vittles. I feed them at 1800 you see, they tell me when it's 1800. Anyway's, this evening I noticed Ting Ting removing bits and pieces from her Dog Dish and setting rolls of three bits - side by side "just" touching one another. Now, what am I to say? Maybe now I am an exclusive member with the National Dogg Secret Service? I don't know. One thing I do know is that I love Ting Ting more than any other pet ever. There was a couple of pups as a child, but we were not permitted the time to bond. For one, a Kinfolk member drove him off and the second was the runt of the litter and I reckon, as I was told, her Mama, had to do something about her. Too many pup's I was told.
The Great Spirit, as my witness, Ting Ting, is this Man's very best good friend. And, Folks, she is very strict with who I have contact with. She is very protective and supervises me when I'm out in the Garden's. Yes, I have more than one garden. I feel their Plant and Tree Vibes and am Blessed to have such a connection with the plant life. A true Blessing indeed.
I have had a day that has had me so dizzy it was necessary to lay down, nausea so bad I considered Bulimia, but there was nothing in my stomach but pills and capsules and gel cap. I couldn't see that action because it would have been a waste of money and good medicine. Oh my, I can be such a damned goof.
I have contemplated for the past couple of hours about this meniere's disease and how in the hell could I have had this invasion wait until I was forty-something to attack and manifest it's plan on my mind, body and Spirit's. I can remember the questions and answers about the accidents or blows to the head and or ear. Well, I have come up with a small list of incidents from my childhood to the present...
...I remember falling off the back of an ice cream truck and banging the hell out of the back of my head. I have been slapped on ears a few times - all by Kinfolk. Odd how that just happened to slap me on the face. Pun intended. I have fallen off of tall fences and trees. Falling and bouncing my head on the floor and or Earth Mother. No, don't fool yourself, Mother Earth, has no cushion to break a fall. I have fallen off the backs of horese and know this to be true. I would love cushions for me to wear and protect my Human form, skin, bones and all. Please! Ha!
The sounds in my Deaf ear has had another festive day with beeps to hearing someone talk to me while I was in the shower. So clear was this voice, I thought three things, A. My youngest was home early. B. My Eldest was leaving a message. and C. I thought my Bride was home or leaving me a message on the telephone. Nope. I was home alone and not one message on the telephone.
I have had ear pains today. Have developed a sore throat and am able to determine that my glands are swollen in my neck. All weird and all a mystery.
My balance is off and coordination affected. The Human-Bumper-Car walking.
I can feel the sweat slide from my chest pass over my stomach to get caught by my Camo Shorts. My neck is misting, so I keep a faithful bandanna wrapped about my slimming neck.
Oh, YES! I have lost 12 pounds since 26 March 2012. That reflects just how much heavier I was the day of surgery. Oh no, I can't share that yet, but I will share that I have lost a pant size, a shirt size and a belt size. I don't wish to be boastful because I don't want to jinx my success...
...although that is one five pound bag of flour, one five pound bag of sugar and a couple nice sized sweet potatoes. I mean, really. Or, a ten pound bag of brown rice and two pounds of coffee.
She's gone country........look at them boots.
Be well.
Thursday, May 3, 2012
Wednesday, May 2, 2012
Meniere's At Night And A Mile Stone
With this publication, I will move to within five blogs of having 500 publications. As of earlier today I went over 9,000 visits. All, since August of 2010 and with that being said, I remain in my description of being a simple one. The numbers are mind numbing to me. A simple fellow who has worked hard since the age of 13 years. The year I began to pay Social Security. And worked every year since until the Meniere's Disease flipped my life upside down and inside out...
...oh, Good God, yes, I have gone through some major changes in the past three to four years. Many of you have been right here with me, but my dear Relations, I have never once asked "why me, my Lord?". Never one time have I uttered these words. And no, I have not thought them either. I have earned my rights as an ADA certified individual who has been disabled by a pain in the ass disease and situation to do whatever it takes to win my life back. Shared these very same words with He-Who-Touched-My-Brain, earlier today.
Since the visit, I have developed what is turning into a dreadful ear ache in my Left Deaf Ear. It is accompanied by an extremely loud roaring noise. This is a natural roaring, as in a torrential down pour of rain or a nice sized water fall. Loud damn it - it's loud. Going on at this moment as it has since 2130. In the background of this roar, I can hear and listen to many mini beep-beep-beep's. I am exhausted from the work involved in trying to fight this shit off.
Yeah-Yeah-Yeah...
I am amazed and so humbled to see how me and my simple words have reached so many.
Relations, I thank you all, and will thank you again come the 500th blog.
Please, let me share that my right-good-bad-ear is listening to loud insects and frogs. There sure is a whole mess of them up tonight, here between my ears. Understand and know as truth, I have been to my safe place already. Tucked and all nice and snuggled in...
...the noises kept sure I was not to have a comfortable rest. I journaled and knew better than to attempt a read. With this racket going on up here, I would've been reading same sentences over and over. I'm just not in the mood.
The worms have remained active.
I have been able to keep the nausea from being not more than a taste it twice scenario.
My vision is once again affected. Yes, Ma'am, I forgot to speak with doctor about that. I'll create a list for the visit next week.
I have taken my p.m. medications and plan on returning to bed as soon as I might. This noise, the audio hallucinations as Sir Dude calls them, must settle way down.
My attention is distracted. These words will do.
...oh, Good God, yes, I have gone through some major changes in the past three to four years. Many of you have been right here with me, but my dear Relations, I have never once asked "why me, my Lord?". Never one time have I uttered these words. And no, I have not thought them either. I have earned my rights as an ADA certified individual who has been disabled by a pain in the ass disease and situation to do whatever it takes to win my life back. Shared these very same words with He-Who-Touched-My-Brain, earlier today.
Since the visit, I have developed what is turning into a dreadful ear ache in my Left Deaf Ear. It is accompanied by an extremely loud roaring noise. This is a natural roaring, as in a torrential down pour of rain or a nice sized water fall. Loud damn it - it's loud. Going on at this moment as it has since 2130. In the background of this roar, I can hear and listen to many mini beep-beep-beep's. I am exhausted from the work involved in trying to fight this shit off.
Yeah-Yeah-Yeah...
I am amazed and so humbled to see how me and my simple words have reached so many.
Relations, I thank you all, and will thank you again come the 500th blog.
Please, let me share that my right-good-bad-ear is listening to loud insects and frogs. There sure is a whole mess of them up tonight, here between my ears. Understand and know as truth, I have been to my safe place already. Tucked and all nice and snuggled in...
...the noises kept sure I was not to have a comfortable rest. I journaled and knew better than to attempt a read. With this racket going on up here, I would've been reading same sentences over and over. I'm just not in the mood.
The worms have remained active.
I have been able to keep the nausea from being not more than a taste it twice scenario.
My vision is once again affected. Yes, Ma'am, I forgot to speak with doctor about that. I'll create a list for the visit next week.
I have taken my p.m. medications and plan on returning to bed as soon as I might. This noise, the audio hallucinations as Sir Dude calls them, must settle way down.
My attention is distracted. These words will do.
UB40 CAN'T HELP FALLING IN LOVE, Hi Nikki!!
A track on the album of the sound track of my life...
...this helps me to escape from my own skin.
Wise man say...
Oh Girl, I can't help falling in love with you. My dear Brenda. Over and over, I fall in love with you.
Truth? Oui!
I want to "Holla" at my Honorable Daughter Number One, across the sea and many oceans. I remember how much we enjoyed viewing this video and listening to this awesome song! I love you, Babe! And miss you so much!
p.s. It looked as if the boy's had a terrific time recording this! I know I have a terrific time watching it over and over again. ENJOY YOU ALL!!!
Doing The Worm With The Meniere's
Well, actually, the Worms are doing me and doing me hard too. They've invaded my entire skull by now as I feel them in my head. The space between my skin and skull is inhabited by Worms that sometimes feel as if there's a couple Earth Worms up there. You know what? I stand sure, that I must've lost some during surgery and the bleeding. Some held on tightly and did not run...
...the damned words in my head.
At this very moment I am receiving beeping signals from far and far away. Top Secret signals between the CIA, the Canadian Mountie's and the KGB. It reads as if three agents were caught crossing the border. It "is" necessary for me to come up with shit like this. It entertains me and keeps me from permitting myself to be tortured. And please, do believe I have my moments. There is a new sound to report and that is the roaring of an elephant in my back yard. No. I did not go look. The helicopters, screaming, and insect noises remain and remain steadfastly. Sometimes I really think I am picking up messages. I mean, like in the middle of the night, Morse Code messages. Oh yes, I have been stirred from a solid sleep by a mystery voice or beep-beeeeeping. Bastards! One thing I can say, is that sometimes it scares me - sometimes it doesn't. Enough of this.
Worm just moved!
I am in a bit of discomfort at the wound site and left Deaf ear. I will monitor the pain in the ear and report same to doctor.
I am dizzy at the temples at this moment. It's an odd sort of frontal dizzy. I can't explain...
...I can share that there is nausea is in my throat and stomach. As it has been the day long, really.
I am happy to share that I am misting and slightly perspiring. This is a treat compared to what I was experiencing earlier today. Sweating in an air conditioned doctor's clinic. I never make sense to myself. Ha! I never make sense of myself. I never have made sense of myself! Shit!
The balance piece has been way off today, with a few bumps-into, stumbles about and what not. So I maintain a sharp eye on my direction and steps. What else can I do?
Oh! By the way, for some reason certain family members have promoted me to purchase one of those little electric powered scooter thingies. Shit, where do some of my Kinfolk come up with this shit! Kindred, I would have to be damned near crippled before I even consider such a means of transport...
...as long as me and my six legs make it from here to there, I'm groovy. Can you dig it? And if, just by some stroke of magic happens and you are one of them who has teased me about this, please know I do not think it funny nor amusing at all.
Yes, seriously.
I am uncomfortable and think I need to step out of my head for a spell. Maybe step out of my skin.
Great Spirit, Bless them who live in The Sudan. Send your Angel Warrior's to them in Syria. Please Great One, in great haste.
Enough said.
Love, peace, and more peace, me
...the damned words in my head.
At this very moment I am receiving beeping signals from far and far away. Top Secret signals between the CIA, the Canadian Mountie's and the KGB. It reads as if three agents were caught crossing the border. It "is" necessary for me to come up with shit like this. It entertains me and keeps me from permitting myself to be tortured. And please, do believe I have my moments. There is a new sound to report and that is the roaring of an elephant in my back yard. No. I did not go look. The helicopters, screaming, and insect noises remain and remain steadfastly. Sometimes I really think I am picking up messages. I mean, like in the middle of the night, Morse Code messages. Oh yes, I have been stirred from a solid sleep by a mystery voice or beep-beeeeeping. Bastards! One thing I can say, is that sometimes it scares me - sometimes it doesn't. Enough of this.
Worm just moved!
I am in a bit of discomfort at the wound site and left Deaf ear. I will monitor the pain in the ear and report same to doctor.
I am dizzy at the temples at this moment. It's an odd sort of frontal dizzy. I can't explain...
...I can share that there is nausea is in my throat and stomach. As it has been the day long, really.
I am happy to share that I am misting and slightly perspiring. This is a treat compared to what I was experiencing earlier today. Sweating in an air conditioned doctor's clinic. I never make sense to myself. Ha! I never make sense of myself. I never have made sense of myself! Shit!
The balance piece has been way off today, with a few bumps-into, stumbles about and what not. So I maintain a sharp eye on my direction and steps. What else can I do?
Oh! By the way, for some reason certain family members have promoted me to purchase one of those little electric powered scooter thingies. Shit, where do some of my Kinfolk come up with this shit! Kindred, I would have to be damned near crippled before I even consider such a means of transport...
...as long as me and my six legs make it from here to there, I'm groovy. Can you dig it? And if, just by some stroke of magic happens and you are one of them who has teased me about this, please know I do not think it funny nor amusing at all.
Yes, seriously.
I am uncomfortable and think I need to step out of my head for a spell. Maybe step out of my skin.
Great Spirit, Bless them who live in The Sudan. Send your Angel Warrior's to them in Syria. Please Great One, in great haste.
Enough said.
Love, peace, and more peace, me
The Wound And Visit With He-Who-Touched-My-Brain
As hard as he could, He-Who-Touched-My-Brain, was unable to Poker Face me on the subject of revisiting the BAHA, site. As in going in a circle on another surgery to be planed in the not too distant future. He has wished to first try a regimen of a steroid ointment. I am obliged to apply it two times daily...
...he's my doctor. I trust him with my life and there is a cosmic connection between us. Of course, I am obliged to work with my doctor and his team. "My Team", of Health Care Professionals. We will be revisiting this subject matter next week, the 9th day of May. Doctor wants to keep an eye on the wound. I've kept an eye on it you see. I have been walking and sleeping with this wound that won't heal. Continued to wear my Glasscock nightly, faithfully wear that baseball catchers cup every night. Scar tissue has accumulated where the wound has healed. There are three large lumps that hang over and touch my implant. An ugly negative about this approach with the steroid ointment, is that this will impede the healing of the wound. Which in my brains tells me I'll have this wound for a spell to come. Hell. No, I'm not happy about this, but damn it, I see it in their eye's there in the clinic...
...my Baha, the Bone Anchored Hearing Aid, has been a very problematic child from the beginning. We know this. My Good Doctor knows this...
...me too...
...as I grow embarrassed and ashamed that I've become the anomaly with this Meniere's Disease and it's many issues. For me and my Spirit's, I believe that every person with out fail, at this clinic, to include He-Who-Touched-My-Brain, does their absolute best to provide the absolute best medical care and treatment for me. I sometimes feel badly for their frustration.
What can I do?
I speak as if this is new news's. No, I saw this coming two weeks ago. My dear wife, assuring me time and time again not to worry, that it's still healing. I know this and I've known that...
...I call my medicine the Crystal Ball. Perhaps I should have more respect for the gift of vision's and the knowing. Although I do not know what to call this gift from Great Spirit. I am thankful. And yes, I am fully aware and am knowing that another operation comes soon. I am accepting of this. We must do as a team whatever it may take to get this BAHA, on here good and right. For sure.
Great Spirit, Bless and Protect the Hands of He-Who-Touched-My-Brain. Amen.
I pray for change in Syria, NOW! Assad, shall fall soon, but for too many, not soon enough.
I've said enough.
...he's my doctor. I trust him with my life and there is a cosmic connection between us. Of course, I am obliged to work with my doctor and his team. "My Team", of Health Care Professionals. We will be revisiting this subject matter next week, the 9th day of May. Doctor wants to keep an eye on the wound. I've kept an eye on it you see. I have been walking and sleeping with this wound that won't heal. Continued to wear my Glasscock nightly, faithfully wear that baseball catchers cup every night. Scar tissue has accumulated where the wound has healed. There are three large lumps that hang over and touch my implant. An ugly negative about this approach with the steroid ointment, is that this will impede the healing of the wound. Which in my brains tells me I'll have this wound for a spell to come. Hell. No, I'm not happy about this, but damn it, I see it in their eye's there in the clinic...
...my Baha, the Bone Anchored Hearing Aid, has been a very problematic child from the beginning. We know this. My Good Doctor knows this...
...me too...
...as I grow embarrassed and ashamed that I've become the anomaly with this Meniere's Disease and it's many issues. For me and my Spirit's, I believe that every person with out fail, at this clinic, to include He-Who-Touched-My-Brain, does their absolute best to provide the absolute best medical care and treatment for me. I sometimes feel badly for their frustration.
What can I do?
I speak as if this is new news's. No, I saw this coming two weeks ago. My dear wife, assuring me time and time again not to worry, that it's still healing. I know this and I've known that...
...I call my medicine the Crystal Ball. Perhaps I should have more respect for the gift of vision's and the knowing. Although I do not know what to call this gift from Great Spirit. I am thankful. And yes, I am fully aware and am knowing that another operation comes soon. I am accepting of this. We must do as a team whatever it may take to get this BAHA, on here good and right. For sure.
Great Spirit, Bless and Protect the Hands of He-Who-Touched-My-Brain. Amen.
I pray for change in Syria, NOW! Assad, shall fall soon, but for too many, not soon enough.
I've said enough.
Meniere's And Reporting A Life Change
Hello Relations,
Pardon me for not reporting on how all and everything went with my visit yesterday with Dr. N., also know, as He-Who-Knows-My-Mind, my psychiatrist you see. All went exceptionally well. I mean this in the most appreciative of ways. I really do suspect that yesterday was my next to the last, if not THE last visit with Dr. N. We had our face-to-face and I communicated with He, that I have maintained visitations with Sir Dude, my therapist and that I have been seriously contemplating moving on from the psychiatry aspect of My Team For Better Health, Mind and Body. I assured him that I was perfectly aware of how to reach out, but really - my medication could be dispensed by my primary physician, She-Who-Has-Seen-Me-All. As "The One", inside this skin, I just think and feel the timing is right on spot and in six months I will part ways.
Later this afternoon I have a face-to-face with He-Who-Touched-My-Brain. I am not happy with the direction this wound immediately above my implant, has healed. I expect the same vibe from him...
...He-Who-Touched-My-Brain, is the one who diagnosed me four years ago. He is the one and only to do procedures, operations and surgery's on my skull. He is the only person on the face of Mother Earth who has ever touched my brain. The only doctor to cut the skin and bone on my skull on multiple occasions. Yes, the only one. I have this cosmic connection with doctor and I love him so much. This wound continues to pass fluids that are combination of blood and fluids from within my scalp. I feel certain that doctor will not be happy.
By the way, it is horribly obvious to me that there will be more surgery on this very site - very soon. There are three lumps directly above my abutment that would be in direct contact with my BAHA, the Bone Anchored Hearing Aid. Due to the weeping wound, I am unable to wear it anyway-anyhow. I have been SSD, Single Side Deaf, and recently reported to be OOS, Out of Sound, by them who create and manufacture this instrument meant to provide relief, hearing and healing. I must say, there has been too much disappoint with it up to this minute. Just too much for my BAHA and I. Since late March of this year I have lived without it - as with every procedure and or surgery. Deaf as a concrete block...
...my sister, She-Has-A-Beautiful-Smile, recently proclaimed via telephone, (because I could hear she had the same television program on the television), that "Oh, now, you see, you can hear so much better!" Bless her heart. I miss you, my sister Rosie!
Woke up late this morning at 0815, with the Meniere's wide awake with me. There is an ugly knot of nausea in my throat. Non-productive up to this minute, other than the occasional burp of medicine flavour that is. My head spins lightly - constantly. I am perspiring and sweating enough that I have already decided that I will shower prior to leaving for doctor's clinic. The dizziness has made for an interesting morning thus far. I so hope it will subside directly. Being tipsy first thing in the morning is not my cup of tea.
Note To Self: Do not ever coordinate back-to-back-to-back appointments again! Two ride abouts on the Little Bus/Mass Transit and today, a trip with the In-Laws for the visit with Dr. Danner, has me feeling quite exhausted. Yes, the appointments thus far have been exceptional. But, damn.
I must admit that I carry a bit of anxiety in my heart about today's appointment. Will he cut and slice today?
My appointment to have the stitches removed is 07 May 2012. I am not sure if I can wait that long for the procedure. There is one stitch that has actually cut through my skin/wound where the cancer was removed. I'm thinking that I might remove a couple myself. I have not yet placed the ash of white sage upon it and really, it may be to late. (I very much dislike the flavor of medicine) This wound is under my right arm near the bicep and I was instructed to not lift weights until removal of stitches and have the approval by He-Who-Touched-My-Brain.
Please. I have decided that I will take this into my own hands and begin lifting weights much sooner than later. My muscles scream for the burning sensation in my arms. They yearn for attention. It is time.
Speaking of burning sensations, I really must inform doctor that when I rub the top of my head, as in washing, drying or a simple massage - my scalp burns bad. From the inside out and I am puzzled. So,I'll speak with the expert on the matter in a short three hours.
Relations, if I may, I wish to share something with you. Since 06 April 2012, the day of my bad bleeding, I believe I see My Path and Life through different eyes. My Center feels a calm that was not there prior to seeing my life passing that morning. Seeing so much of my life, my blood and bleeding for what seemed non-stop, seeing the amount of my life force bleed onto my skin and onto and into my t-shirt...
...where a pudding of pure blood had formed...I had no fear, no tears...
...seeing the blood in the toilet, sliding down the commode and bath tub. Observing bits and pieces of my inner head ooze mystery lumps and clots and white matter. The clots that collected on the back of my head that became attached to my curls while I laid in my bath tub.
I had an incredible peace in and all about me. I had no readings nor did I have any visions with the eyes. I did have Spiritual Visions from within, as if The Great Mystery was speaking to me through my minds eye. I have not shared this with anyone to the best of my memory. You see, if It was to be, I knew that if I were to have died that beautiful day, I would've been okay with it.
Yes, my Center, Core and Spirit's, do see Life differently. I feel my Earth Mother pulsate through my body daily. I see my fellow Humankind differently. There is no room in my center for the evil and negative energies of others to stay and or remain. I believe even stronger today, that it is a must for me to remove the whatever from my mind. My Path. It's the very rubbish that creates and collects nothing but stress, anxiety and hurt.
Enough is enough.
Pardon me for not reporting on how all and everything went with my visit yesterday with Dr. N., also know, as He-Who-Knows-My-Mind, my psychiatrist you see. All went exceptionally well. I mean this in the most appreciative of ways. I really do suspect that yesterday was my next to the last, if not THE last visit with Dr. N. We had our face-to-face and I communicated with He, that I have maintained visitations with Sir Dude, my therapist and that I have been seriously contemplating moving on from the psychiatry aspect of My Team For Better Health, Mind and Body. I assured him that I was perfectly aware of how to reach out, but really - my medication could be dispensed by my primary physician, She-Who-Has-Seen-Me-All. As "The One", inside this skin, I just think and feel the timing is right on spot and in six months I will part ways.
Later this afternoon I have a face-to-face with He-Who-Touched-My-Brain. I am not happy with the direction this wound immediately above my implant, has healed. I expect the same vibe from him...
...He-Who-Touched-My-Brain, is the one who diagnosed me four years ago. He is the one and only to do procedures, operations and surgery's on my skull. He is the only person on the face of Mother Earth who has ever touched my brain. The only doctor to cut the skin and bone on my skull on multiple occasions. Yes, the only one. I have this cosmic connection with doctor and I love him so much. This wound continues to pass fluids that are combination of blood and fluids from within my scalp. I feel certain that doctor will not be happy.
By the way, it is horribly obvious to me that there will be more surgery on this very site - very soon. There are three lumps directly above my abutment that would be in direct contact with my BAHA, the Bone Anchored Hearing Aid. Due to the weeping wound, I am unable to wear it anyway-anyhow. I have been SSD, Single Side Deaf, and recently reported to be OOS, Out of Sound, by them who create and manufacture this instrument meant to provide relief, hearing and healing. I must say, there has been too much disappoint with it up to this minute. Just too much for my BAHA and I. Since late March of this year I have lived without it - as with every procedure and or surgery. Deaf as a concrete block...
...my sister, She-Has-A-Beautiful-Smile, recently proclaimed via telephone, (because I could hear she had the same television program on the television), that "Oh, now, you see, you can hear so much better!" Bless her heart. I miss you, my sister Rosie!
Woke up late this morning at 0815, with the Meniere's wide awake with me. There is an ugly knot of nausea in my throat. Non-productive up to this minute, other than the occasional burp of medicine flavour that is. My head spins lightly - constantly. I am perspiring and sweating enough that I have already decided that I will shower prior to leaving for doctor's clinic. The dizziness has made for an interesting morning thus far. I so hope it will subside directly. Being tipsy first thing in the morning is not my cup of tea.
Note To Self: Do not ever coordinate back-to-back-to-back appointments again! Two ride abouts on the Little Bus/Mass Transit and today, a trip with the In-Laws for the visit with Dr. Danner, has me feeling quite exhausted. Yes, the appointments thus far have been exceptional. But, damn.
I must admit that I carry a bit of anxiety in my heart about today's appointment. Will he cut and slice today?
My appointment to have the stitches removed is 07 May 2012. I am not sure if I can wait that long for the procedure. There is one stitch that has actually cut through my skin/wound where the cancer was removed. I'm thinking that I might remove a couple myself. I have not yet placed the ash of white sage upon it and really, it may be to late. (I very much dislike the flavor of medicine) This wound is under my right arm near the bicep and I was instructed to not lift weights until removal of stitches and have the approval by He-Who-Touched-My-Brain.
Please. I have decided that I will take this into my own hands and begin lifting weights much sooner than later. My muscles scream for the burning sensation in my arms. They yearn for attention. It is time.
Speaking of burning sensations, I really must inform doctor that when I rub the top of my head, as in washing, drying or a simple massage - my scalp burns bad. From the inside out and I am puzzled. So,I'll speak with the expert on the matter in a short three hours.
Relations, if I may, I wish to share something with you. Since 06 April 2012, the day of my bad bleeding, I believe I see My Path and Life through different eyes. My Center feels a calm that was not there prior to seeing my life passing that morning. Seeing so much of my life, my blood and bleeding for what seemed non-stop, seeing the amount of my life force bleed onto my skin and onto and into my t-shirt...
...where a pudding of pure blood had formed...I had no fear, no tears...
...seeing the blood in the toilet, sliding down the commode and bath tub. Observing bits and pieces of my inner head ooze mystery lumps and clots and white matter. The clots that collected on the back of my head that became attached to my curls while I laid in my bath tub.
I had an incredible peace in and all about me. I had no readings nor did I have any visions with the eyes. I did have Spiritual Visions from within, as if The Great Mystery was speaking to me through my minds eye. I have not shared this with anyone to the best of my memory. You see, if It was to be, I knew that if I were to have died that beautiful day, I would've been okay with it.
Yes, my Center, Core and Spirit's, do see Life differently. I feel my Earth Mother pulsate through my body daily. I see my fellow Humankind differently. There is no room in my center for the evil and negative energies of others to stay and or remain. I believe even stronger today, that it is a must for me to remove the whatever from my mind. My Path. It's the very rubbish that creates and collects nothing but stress, anxiety and hurt.
Enough is enough.
Tuesday, May 1, 2012
Happy May Day And The Such
Greetings to All Relations,
Happy May Day, to all who celebrate! I see and have read that some of us, them, they and We are planning to mark this a day of violence rather than a day of celebration. I am almost amused at what some of my fellow Americans are doing out there on the streets of Seattle, Oakland and else where. I do not find amusement in it - it's just that my eye's watch and the one ear listens to the rubbish and actual "nothingness" about the gatherings, about the damages done to private property and then the injuries sustained by innocent peoples, just makes no damned sense at all.
I very much appreciated what I say Russian President Putin, do. He joined in arms with Women and the Men of his country in the peaceful protests to make clear that the Russian peoples do not want fake-ass people running offices in the Kremlin. I would do same...
...if Americans were to join arm in arm to make certain things absolutely stated that we are worn and an exhausted peoples. The politics's of politicking makes Jack Asses of grown men. I again, see it, read it and listen with one ear. There is a fine and total example here in Florida, our Governor is so far removed from the Folks here in Florida, that he actually looks like a bald mule...
...also resembles a skin head racist. He's bigoted like the mule running for the Office of the President of this America. Wait, back to the Governor, when he talks, there is going to be inevitable news where he bays like a true Ass. He too, is such a caricature of a Governor that it embarrasses me that he is the Governor of this State of Florida. Now, getting back to the monkey mule running for The White House, it is dumbfounding to see just how much of a mule this fellow is from the American people's. He is of the elite and that's good for him, but when it separates you from your Peoples - by your own words, perhaps running for office in Canada is a better thing. For the all of US!
I will say these things about my President Obama. He is a good man, a good husband, a good father and a mighty fine President of these Un-United States of America. Hey, look, why bullshit around, he inherited an Office corrupted by them before him, as them before him passed on their shit. I have seen a handful of rich white raisins make a mockery of what we stand for as a people's...
...it's a damned shame.
The handful are a like a bunch of monkey's scratching balls, spewing spit and lies, making faces, talking loud and saying nothing. They slandered one another then meet at the Country Club showers for some drinks, ass slapping and at-a-boys. There's even one running for office who has been disgraced politician.
None of these hand full have ears.
Kinfolk, Kindred and Relations, these are the words of a simple one. I unfortunately have diseases like, the Meniere's Disease that affect and has effected every part of my life. The asthma and pneumonia's that take my breathes away - amongst other ailment's that require visits to doctors and many medications. It is still an embarrassment to me that I am a Disabled One. It is just something that really goes against the grain in my thinking...
...I simply expect and depend on those in any government Office to do the right thing...
...just listen to the people's who voted your ass into office.
I have no more to say.
Happy May Day, to all who celebrate! I see and have read that some of us, them, they and We are planning to mark this a day of violence rather than a day of celebration. I am almost amused at what some of my fellow Americans are doing out there on the streets of Seattle, Oakland and else where. I do not find amusement in it - it's just that my eye's watch and the one ear listens to the rubbish and actual "nothingness" about the gatherings, about the damages done to private property and then the injuries sustained by innocent peoples, just makes no damned sense at all.
I very much appreciated what I say Russian President Putin, do. He joined in arms with Women and the Men of his country in the peaceful protests to make clear that the Russian peoples do not want fake-ass people running offices in the Kremlin. I would do same...
...if Americans were to join arm in arm to make certain things absolutely stated that we are worn and an exhausted peoples. The politics's of politicking makes Jack Asses of grown men. I again, see it, read it and listen with one ear. There is a fine and total example here in Florida, our Governor is so far removed from the Folks here in Florida, that he actually looks like a bald mule...
...also resembles a skin head racist. He's bigoted like the mule running for the Office of the President of this America. Wait, back to the Governor, when he talks, there is going to be inevitable news where he bays like a true Ass. He too, is such a caricature of a Governor that it embarrasses me that he is the Governor of this State of Florida. Now, getting back to the monkey mule running for The White House, it is dumbfounding to see just how much of a mule this fellow is from the American people's. He is of the elite and that's good for him, but when it separates you from your Peoples - by your own words, perhaps running for office in Canada is a better thing. For the all of US!
I will say these things about my President Obama. He is a good man, a good husband, a good father and a mighty fine President of these Un-United States of America. Hey, look, why bullshit around, he inherited an Office corrupted by them before him, as them before him passed on their shit. I have seen a handful of rich white raisins make a mockery of what we stand for as a people's...
...it's a damned shame.
The handful are a like a bunch of monkey's scratching balls, spewing spit and lies, making faces, talking loud and saying nothing. They slandered one another then meet at the Country Club showers for some drinks, ass slapping and at-a-boys. There's even one running for office who has been disgraced politician.
None of these hand full have ears.
Kinfolk, Kindred and Relations, these are the words of a simple one. I unfortunately have diseases like, the Meniere's Disease that affect and has effected every part of my life. The asthma and pneumonia's that take my breathes away - amongst other ailment's that require visits to doctors and many medications. It is still an embarrassment to me that I am a Disabled One. It is just something that really goes against the grain in my thinking...
...I simply expect and depend on those in any government Office to do the right thing...
...just listen to the people's who voted your ass into office.
I have no more to say.
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