Will be off to see my good doctor, He-Who-Touched-My-Brain, in one hour or so. Looking very much forward to seeing his smiling face and eager to recieve one of his powerful Brother Hugs. Oh yes, just in case you did not know, I'm a hugger not a hitter, ala I am a lover not a fighter.
This visit is quite apropos, as it has been one week ago I had the Meniere's attack that has rendered me a sleeping machine. Have slept a great amount this past week - exceeding 100 by several hours easiely.
The past two day's while I have been awake, I have been thinking in an assertively positive and self-loving way, rather than the self loathing and self-pity that has been common in the past. Am eager to see my good doctor.
But then, you probably couldn't see that, eh? I'm like a Fat Kid waiting to see Santa for that free candy! Ha!
There is one negative that has me a bit troubled and that is I have grown another lump at the site of implant. It's a lumpty lump's lump. So there is a wee bit of weird anxiety thing kicking in anticipation of a snip and cut. I'm afraid...
...um, I have found another lump on Mr. Wang and will be coordinating a visit with She-Who-Enjoys-Snips-and-Cuts. Oh Lord. I remember the last time she sniped at Mr. Wang - I screamed like a petit woman having her first wax done. Man, please? I'll keep an eye on Mr. Wang, like this too. About every-damned-day? Okay?
Really?
Anyway's, I'll remember to say the word de'jure, "Awesome", as many times as I can. Maybe the "Holding Hands" piece doctor speaks of is something for me to work with and towards to - not against.
I'll share this real quick, because I've got to go...
...Meniere's Disease, has become a part of my life. Like my Levi 501's or my Converse, this is really shittin' going to be with Me for the remainder of my time here on Earth Mother. I might as well write a song, "Me and Mr. and Mrs. Meniere's Disease, Le Meneja Twa". If I had continued to fight and fight - I would've been the One to lose. No one else but this One sitting here tap-tipping. Not the doctors in my index file, not the therapist's I may know or visit. It would've been me to lose. I think I was heading towards some dangerous territory there for a spell. Naw Boo, I WAS in the danger zone.
Today, things are running just a wee bit easier. Oui? Oui!
But let me share, I'm thinking I've got to keep this going, keep it AWESOME too!
This is all.
Tuesday, January 3, 2012
Monday, January 2, 2012
The Word is, Awesome
Yes, this year 2012 is going to be a product of my focus and dedication to myself for my self. In Mind, Spirit and Health.
...a continued fight against the depression, the battles with Meniere's Disease, the battles also with the asthma and pneumonia's.
There is this word that has stuck to the inside of my mind like a sticky note. That word is AWESOME! Plastic letter magnets spelling Awesome on the Refrigerator between my ear's.
This Awesomeness, is going to become a very part of my verbiage, a piece off the lexicon for the next few months or so. As it is I have planned.
You see? It is my beleif that as long as I keep this word in my mind and heart, and speak it and talk it, I will say it. Oh, Look, all of this illness and medical exhile rubbish has grown so very old. I reckon this has been brewing and going on for so long...
...building up to this self-realization that I can be Awesome! Pick my chin up and move on and I bust a move while I can and leave the bullshit on the dance floor. Or I can let the "ALL" of what Health and Life has been like the past few years eat me up into a Man that is not me. A Man I don't want to be. See? Bloody Hell! I was in there pretty dark and gloomy there for a spell...
...wait a second, I can still see that shit in the rear view mirror, so I better practice what I preach and teach myself to let it "just be awesome".
I have grown tired of the same old, "Oh, IMMA between this and that or between a rock and granite".
The oddest of things have been going on for a spell. One example is the getting to the point of starting to live with and make sense of living this meniere's disease...
...and it's vertigo attacks and sypmtoms prior too or post attack sypmtoms.
I want to tell Kindred, I'm Awesome!, when asked how are you doing. I want to feel Awesome...
...I want to be Awesome...
...that's all.
...a continued fight against the depression, the battles with Meniere's Disease, the battles also with the asthma and pneumonia's.
There is this word that has stuck to the inside of my mind like a sticky note. That word is AWESOME! Plastic letter magnets spelling Awesome on the Refrigerator between my ear's.
This Awesomeness, is going to become a very part of my verbiage, a piece off the lexicon for the next few months or so. As it is I have planned.
You see? It is my beleif that as long as I keep this word in my mind and heart, and speak it and talk it, I will say it. Oh, Look, all of this illness and medical exhile rubbish has grown so very old. I reckon this has been brewing and going on for so long...
...building up to this self-realization that I can be Awesome! Pick my chin up and move on and I bust a move while I can and leave the bullshit on the dance floor. Or I can let the "ALL" of what Health and Life has been like the past few years eat me up into a Man that is not me. A Man I don't want to be. See? Bloody Hell! I was in there pretty dark and gloomy there for a spell...
...wait a second, I can still see that shit in the rear view mirror, so I better practice what I preach and teach myself to let it "just be awesome".
I have grown tired of the same old, "Oh, IMMA between this and that or between a rock and granite".
The oddest of things have been going on for a spell. One example is the getting to the point of starting to live with and make sense of living this meniere's disease...
...and it's vertigo attacks and sypmtoms prior too or post attack sypmtoms.
I want to tell Kindred, I'm Awesome!, when asked how are you doing. I want to feel Awesome...
...I want to be Awesome...
...that's all.
Sunday, January 1, 2012
Meniere's Attack Up-Date 02 January 2012
Since this past vertigo attack I have slept and had closed down longer than ever before. In this past 48 hours alone, I have slept forty. Since last week when I had this meniere's attack, I have slept approximately 90 hours...
...yes, I was taken ahold of by the Sleep and there have been a few times when tears have been shed, as I know more are to be shed. There are more hours of sleep that have me wrapped in it's comforting embrace and beckons me off to Sleep World.
Oh, and please, don't concern yourself over the tears I have shed. Yes, there has been some depression, but shit, who wouldn't be a bit sad if One has just slept away better than a majority of One's Life Force...
Please, I know my tears have been shed because of lack of time with my family and coming to the realization my Eldest One, may not be home when her contract expires over there far, far and away. I mean, really, she's a grown ass WOman and there just isn't much a Daddy can say or do right now. But, pray. A Father's Lament...
...the point is, is I am not depressed because of the Sleep. I know when these things happen, I have to follow what my body and mind say do. I'm out of the equation all together for sure. So I sleep. I hope to be out soon because I've got John Wayne rev'ed up and ready to go.
John Wayne and I, have gained some weight over the fall and early winter. It's time to change that direction...
...as soon as I get out of the grasp of sleep.
The nausea, sweating, dizziness and sounds have followed me through-out these past few days. Following quite faithfully like too. Have had productive nausea, both complete out of mouth and the vomit in the mouth thing. Yes, it's freaking disgusting. It's just not natural. But what can I do? The sounds have varied while awake, from one extreme to another.
Yes, both the Left Deaf Ear and the Right Hard of Hearing Ear.
Actually, it was because of the sounds between my ears I woke up late this evening. I am glad as all to be up a bit, but, I really must return to Dream World.
Oh yes, during this attack on Tuesday early eveving, as I laid in my bed, I saw the ceiling in my bedroom spin in three-D. No poop! One of the most bizarre things I have ever experianced...
...as I focused on my spot on the pop corn ceiling and the brown blades of the ceiling fan, it all became detached and looked very much like 3-D affects.
Happy New Year To All Relations.
2012 is going to be awesome!
...yes, I was taken ahold of by the Sleep and there have been a few times when tears have been shed, as I know more are to be shed. There are more hours of sleep that have me wrapped in it's comforting embrace and beckons me off to Sleep World.
Oh, and please, don't concern yourself over the tears I have shed. Yes, there has been some depression, but shit, who wouldn't be a bit sad if One has just slept away better than a majority of One's Life Force...
Please, I know my tears have been shed because of lack of time with my family and coming to the realization my Eldest One, may not be home when her contract expires over there far, far and away. I mean, really, she's a grown ass WOman and there just isn't much a Daddy can say or do right now. But, pray. A Father's Lament...
...the point is, is I am not depressed because of the Sleep. I know when these things happen, I have to follow what my body and mind say do. I'm out of the equation all together for sure. So I sleep. I hope to be out soon because I've got John Wayne rev'ed up and ready to go.
John Wayne and I, have gained some weight over the fall and early winter. It's time to change that direction...
...as soon as I get out of the grasp of sleep.
The nausea, sweating, dizziness and sounds have followed me through-out these past few days. Following quite faithfully like too. Have had productive nausea, both complete out of mouth and the vomit in the mouth thing. Yes, it's freaking disgusting. It's just not natural. But what can I do? The sounds have varied while awake, from one extreme to another.
Yes, both the Left Deaf Ear and the Right Hard of Hearing Ear.
Actually, it was because of the sounds between my ears I woke up late this evening. I am glad as all to be up a bit, but, I really must return to Dream World.
Oh yes, during this attack on Tuesday early eveving, as I laid in my bed, I saw the ceiling in my bedroom spin in three-D. No poop! One of the most bizarre things I have ever experianced...
...as I focused on my spot on the pop corn ceiling and the brown blades of the ceiling fan, it all became detached and looked very much like 3-D affects.
Happy New Year To All Relations.
2012 is going to be awesome!
Happy New Year's! 2012
Relations,
Before going off on a chat-chit, I would love to wish All of my Relations, a very Happy, Healthy, Safe and a most truly Awesome 2012!
Happy New Year 2012!
Happy New Year's to All of Earth Mothet!
I say bring it on...then.
Relations, All Praise, All Thanks and Joy, Go To My Great Spirit! The One God, Creator of All That Is.
Love, peace and more peace.............me.............john too....
Before going off on a chat-chit, I would love to wish All of my Relations, a very Happy, Healthy, Safe and a most truly Awesome 2012!
Happy New Year 2012!
Happy New Year's to All of Earth Mothet!
I say bring it on...then.
Relations, All Praise, All Thanks and Joy, Go To My Great Spirit! The One God, Creator of All That Is.
Love, peace and more peace.............me.............john too....
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