Oh, My Dear Ma'am, Thank You, No More Tears

Dear Reader's,

These words I share below were written last night. Please know that I have received counsel and am in a better place right at the moment. Last night was tough. Bad. As in cry and sob by myself , bad.

Today, my shoes feel a bit differently and I feel as if I am a better man than I was just twenty four hours ago.

My heart aches and is feeling bad, but these ears and Spirit's have listened.

For now, I am okay. No more tears.

Love, Mario

p.s. Thank you, My Dear Ma'am. From my Spirit's to yours, thank you. I love you too.

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Oh, My Dear Ma'am,

I just got in from therapy and more testing.

I would have loved to have had a nice spell with you and God, knows I need a hug something ugly. I so do love the four of you.

My Good God, what have I done?

You see Ma'am, I do know that separation and abandonment issues have always been too hard for me. You mention frequency, which is off in the distance close and the strong heart does endure much while the mind plays tricks. I have. I know. Seen. This is deeper than a frequency thing, Ma'am. And yet, it's also so much easier than a simple matter of frequency. Yes.

To shut a "friend" out is an all together different scene. I feel as if the calls I have made since the last I saw Sir - the last time I spoke with Sir, was with you on 26 December 13 or right there about Lil' Dude's birthday - have been ignored and I as a friend (?) have been shunned and shut out. So no, so as far as frequency, frequency was not a factor because there wasn't frequency.

No, return calls.

No return texts.

No return messages.

No sign of appreciation for the way I embraced his new pursuit in life.

No respect for the way I love his wife and son...

...and the one named Grace, who dwells with in you.

I don't take Kinship lightly Ma'am and neither do I drop the those three words lightly. Never have, never will. But Ma'am - it takes TWO. In prayer and in love...

...One running solo, time and time again goes cold when the other is not as a participating member of a Kinship. His awesome hugs, the words, the story's and the I love you too's. His words?

Those calls, texts, messages, being ignored, shunned and shut out adds up, you know?

And eventually, these cut to the white meat.

I love your husband very damned much Ma'am. He is one of a very few I would have ever taken a bullet for. You know he has a pretty damned good idea of who I am and he also knows how to touch my heart with his words and actions. Yes, I know. I know.

Maybe, I let it this get too deep. Let all of this burden my mind and heart of mine. Maybe.

Oh, My Good God, what have I done?