Relations,
This is from a journal entry I made back on 29 September 1991. My Good God, I look at my writing, my words and the energy that was me and where I was on this Path of mine and am glad to share this with you, my Guests.
At this time in my journals, I would title entries from time to time, here I used only the date. Please, take a moment and see how this shared twenty or so years ago.
29 September 1991
Miles Davis passed away yesterday...I'll sorely miss him and his music. Please Miles...
...you've helped me through some tough times. I'm not sure if anyone will ever know just what it was you did for me. That's okay I guess - I'll keep it between I and I. Thanks for the sounds Miles, thanks for it all.
While at work today I had some what of an ironic flash back - I can see and hear my father running to my room in response to the endless nightmares I had as a child, adolescent, and young adult...
...I'm wondering if he knew why I had so many. I think not.
Nightmares have followed me through out my life - I have them so frequently that Botswana, has become some what of a "dream guard". She seems to catch me right before I have the out-right attack of whatever terror may be involved. Thank God, because I remember to clearly going beyond the point of no return in nightmares.
Nightmares accompanied me to the Army. To Germany, thousands of miles from home - followed me home again. The first several years of mine and Botswana's marriage is full of memories of the nightmares. That forever elusive Black Panther lurking in the dark of my supposed safe bedroom. They followed me to Tampa the Summer of 1988. When and while I lived with Theresa and Vicki, in the house of my childhood. From whence many of these nightmares originated - each and every night I was with them - here preparing for moving the 'Lady's' up, every night while under that roof I had nightmares - some worse than others. One in particular got me shot at by Vicki. I had screamed so loud and so bad that it scared Vicki into shooting at the door fearing for her life. I was less than two feet from the door to their room and from that door when that bullet penetrated and exited the door. They were in the room that was once occupied by my Mom and Dad. If I had been standing in front of the door - the exit hole was even with that of my upper abdomen and lower chest. Bulls eye.
And today the nightmares continue...
I wonder if they'll ever cease...
I wonder if he has nightmares...
I wonder if he knows I still have them...
I wonder if he cares...
I think not.
I wonder what life would be like today without the nightmares and flashbacks.
I wonder what life would be like today if I was standing in front of Theresa's and Vicki's door.
One never knows.
By the way, it just crossed my mind that I've had nightmares while sleeping during the day. I doubt the night has much to do with it really.
Until the next time...
Love, peace, understanding, devotion and love.
"My Dream Guard". Sounds like a good movie. :)
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