Relations,
Since this past Saturday morning, 9 Feb. 13, I have slept forty hours plus. Today, 11 Feb. 13, I woke up at 1249. I knew it was 1249 because that's what the clock-I-can't-hear said with it's bright red digital numbers and date. The sounds and what-knot's that once made this such a cool alarm clock so cool, was that I could be awakened by the sounds of a creek, the waves of a far and far away ocean and or the beep-beep that is more of a crank-chunk-crank, all-out-loud-and-shit. I know what this silent monster can do to some one who hears it well. Oh yeah, I do too. I've been told.
I did not sleep the whole weekend away I say. I was able to spend some quality time with my dear wife, my Honorable Daughter #2 and my Eldest sister Chaka Zula, for a spell Saturday evening and a meal at Hanks Catfish and BBQ...
...dammit that place reminds me of home. I miss you Mama! I swear I do!
I made attempts to reach an important Spirit during a few moments of my awake time.
Relations, I know it is silly, but I continue to carry the shame of those Math scores from the tests last Thursday. Yes, I know and I acknowledge certain scenarios, but I mean, like a Bee sting, it stung so damned bad. Naw Boo, it was like a wicked slap on the naked ass! Yes, yes, I know. I know now what it is I have to do with this present situation. And I'll feckin' do it! Very well then...
...my hearing has been sabotaged by these many hours of a deep death sleep. Botswana, had to shake my leg which did not go too happy and well with the emotional situation. I am hearing at the moment and am still being so very distracted by the sounds coming from my deaf left ear.
Earlier, I laid in my bed watching the ceiling fan slowly go around and about while waiting to listen to that ceiling fan. No, I don't know how long I laid there and never did hear the birds out back or the sounds of traffic on that not too far away road. No, I didn't take note of the time. My World is weird when things go quiet. God Dammit It! It really is so weird!
My right ear is pained from deep inside and has been in pain for well over an hour. These are the pains that He-Who-Touched-My-Brain, suspects is the migraine's. I have not medicated this. Neither have I medicated this dreadful pain in my neck and shoulders. For the first time today I felt the pain approaching my elbow. I suspect that I am going to medicate this, it's just a matter of time...
...my Kinfolk and Kindred have always been after me about taking these medications. There are medications that I take daily, faithfully and as prescribed and ordered by my physician's, then my friends, there are the one's that I know affect me. Yes, yes, ease the pain, yet create in me what I am certain to be chemical imbalance's.
Um, I live life on an Imbalanced Center and my walk and feet. I have balance on one side of my head only. There is a constant state of dizziness, an imbalance here in my skin. In the flesh that covers these bones. I am forever and ever in some sort of imbalance. Why then, would I wish to introduce such and another chemical? I honestly don't know. I will share that yes though, I do and will eat the medication to control the pain. I make compromise's with self sometimes and take only half the dose that is prescribed. And adjust as needed, full or half. Seen.
As much as I have slept, I wonder and consider if there might have been an attack of Meniere's in my sleep. I have had these before. He-Who-Touched-My-Brain and I have talked about these invisible and silent attacks before. I am not positive, but I know damned well what I am going through at this moment is a direct reflection of what post Meniere's attacks feel like. I know how and what it is my mind, body and Spirit's, feel like post attack. I am here at this very moment.
Please, my Kindred, let me fight this battle against the "sleep and slumber"! I wish to fight it! These are my battles for Pete's Sake and it is I who must fight them! If I were to have listened to them who say, "please call", or "if you ever" and if I were to listen to some in my circle, the sleep comes because "I" need it or because "my" body needs it. As bad as my selves want to go back to bed and sleep - I think not now. No, not now. Please, Great Spirit, not now.
I have been fasting since Saturday and will break fast with my evening meal.
My heart and Spirit's are heavy. As it is my feelings and emotions always are post attacks. These are times when I become the Invisible One to so many in my Circle. It is difficult to explain, but I'll say this in quotations, "I am way over certain folk and their way's of 'Elementary School Play' being involved in my recovery". Maybe, it is I, who have wasted so too much time in worry's and prayer for you, my kind one, but no, not the prayer's, because the Prayer's come from my Spirit's, you see? But, the worry? A total waste of some damned good brain cells, en'it?
I wear a ball cap of perspiration at this moment and have a moist t-shirt attached to my back and chest. I feel a cool breeze from the screened porch headed this way and am cooled. I am not hot, as this is the Meniere's that dictates this sweat. In the night and in the day.
As far as the Meineire's Disease, all of this is a part of a package deal with today's Early Bird Special. I hate these processes Kindred! I so hate them so very much.
I scream silently out loud that I hate all of this! I swear to my heart, I hate this bullshit that took my dear life and turned in and in-side out. This invisible, silent and disgusting Meniere's.
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