I have sat here crying for I am not sure how long now. My center is sad and questions; "what is it that is wrong"?. "Why must you cry so much, Sir?". This state of despairs at this moment, would not permit me to spit out a logical answer, neither at the moment could I share a rational answer. I simply sit here and cry...
...there seems to be a mass void in my chest - almost as if I have had innards removed and now there is only empty space.
I and my Spirit's hurt not having my wife with me when I need her most - like now when I desperately need a hug. As this, hurts my Spirit's deep within me, to where my Eagles and Bears live, is to not have my daughters near me. I miss and love these three Women of my life more than I might imagine to could express. My love and respect for them transcends the bounds of distance and the quickness of passing time. Love and sadness issues are of the matter for me. I see.
The prospects of no reunion in Cherokee, very truly haunts me to no end. My heart, my eyes, my lungs and feet, and most of all my Spirit's are mourning. There really isn't any more I might say about that subject right there. I am in mourning. Yes. From deep within this Southerner's Big Gimpy Heart of mine, I am haunted...
...even this skin on my finger's mourn. My left eye goes droopy because this is what happens when I cry. My eyes would love to see and let my minds embrace the sight of the mountains where them who came before me roamed. Where it is that Kinfolk from both White and Red blood intermingled. Where it is my Kin loved. Fought? Yes. Where it is my Kinfolk lived, died and are buried. Oh, my dear Cherokee, how I wish to be with thee.
What's a fifty three year old lonely orphaned mixed blooded gimp to do, but cry?
As I have cried for the revolution within this skin, the losses and the victories that come with battle after battle against my health and the "emotional drains". Them and those with toxic medicine are unhealthy to be with. Their emotional leach sucking lips drain the very emotions from mine. As such, I feel as if this has torn my innards apart and against my self and my history, and now it is time to take care of self. You see, this is a War that I have decided to continue to fight. This is by no means a new War or battles. My history has been to let them who enjoy the amusement of abuse, whether it be emotional or physical have their way with their words and their ways. No mas, eh? In my thoughts, I see the gains far out weigh the costs. Seen.
This revolution within my skin has and have liberated my selves from many who were once Kinfolk and Kindred in my Circle. Many were of the Blood, but I have learned many, many lessons over this most recent history. I have learned this not too late in life and knowing that what I do and have done is the right thing to do, keeps me going and alive. Yes, there may be a minute touch of blue when it comes to one or two, but the weight of what felt like bails of hay laid upon my chest has been removed. And oh, so liberating!
Liberation is something that once inhaled, is a blessing and becomes the memories that cling to the inside of my brains and lungs. Inside my skin.
Yes, I am refreshed and am glad about this. Thank you Kind One for being here and reading.
Viva Le Revolution!
No comments:
Post a Comment