Since Friday, 15 February 2013, I have slept sixty+ hours. It has been a Meniere's Coma. Induced by yet another Meniere's attack. There were a couple of times I remember getting up to drink water while I eat my pills and tablets and would sit down for a fifteen minute of forced awareness - just to spend time with my baby daughter and my wife. It drives me sad mad when I have these huge gaps in time and chunks of life up and lost without much of any cause.
A Neurosis?
A Psychosis?
The loss of time randomly removed from my life cycle. Or is it truly this is a part of the Great Mystery that is my Life and my Path? The health bits and pieces, them bits and pieces that have had actually cut and sniped from different parts and pieces of my body. These are the bits I approve of.
I approve of sharing the emotional and psychological impacts, wars and battles, and if I were to tell you that tonight I wear my War Paint in private, it is because there have just been too many random and unnecessary racist pieces of betrayals by Folks, I thought in my Circle of Life. Things that have been said, and them things left unsaid have placed me smack dab in a place I try so hard in life to be removed from. Betrayal is an absolute. There is not a debate about the racism I have had directly and or indirectly at me, but I am made privy and made a part of reading this with the social page Face Book. There was once a friend who had made two racist remarks about the Indian Ways here in America. The last time he made a joke it pertained to Sitting Bull, and he was jovial and what not, even laughing with "hahaha's". This impacted my Path, enough so as to ensure I would not cross paths with him as much on the fb.
I am faced with an article that I shared a couple of days ago. That someone in my life who has expressed words of love and encouragement in the past has pulled the all to familiar white way of doing things. I am a big boy - you go play your white boy ways somewhere else.
And now, I have decided to remove from my peripheral, one another who makes racist remarks about the American Indian, and makes jokes that "we have the nerve to say they were not the invaders back before there were no white people here on these lands WE ALL call America". "Them's and you all's".
Folks, look, I have too often been asked why is it that I hate(?)White People. I have had friends ask me thousands of questions and thousands more about my points of view. There seems to have been a law passed that rendered my words unheard. Perhaps, yes at one time or another there have been deep rooted angers and rage due to abuses. Yes, maybe there was a hate back when I was young and scared and scarred something deep Sir. Tonight, there's really no hate at all. Simply, I speak the truths. I don't have to play mind games or play with people's emotions. I don't hate white people - for shits sake, much of my DNA is constructed by my White Ancestor's. My Mixed Bloodedness requires I speak up for all of me, you see? Because I have seen first hand what the races in my veins have done onto one and another. And then there's the history that bleeds red in my veins of what one race has perpetrated against another.
From now and forever on it shall be that it is necessary I speak up for the all of me. There is something that I learned late in life. Perhaps it was something that I tripped across but I am blessed to have foresight and the type of vison that many can not even begin to fathom. The nay sayers and them who spoke negativity upon me. Now, this all goes back to you.
I have learned to say what I have to say. I saw and see it and smell it too, the way I have been treated throughout my life here on Mother Earth. If I have something to say, I say it. I'm a grown ass man, People's. I've worked hard all my damned life to get to some lame ass point in life where I am a gimp. That's not my fucking nature. Neither is letting people of any Race or Sexual Orientation or Political Party push "their" agenda upon me because Honey, I don't have time for that and neither do I have time for you disgusting Racist, Male Chauvinistic Pig's in my Circle - least of all, my fucking peripheral. Fuck Off then.
The extreme highs and lowest of lows is what I have shared here on this blog since August 2010. In health, mind, body, and Spirit. I have shared and flayed bare my inner most haunting's and the places of my mind, Spirit's and heart. To even phantom that someone considered close, would take advantage of my Energies, my Spirit's and love, today? It so fucking reminds me of how I have been taken advantage of in the past. Yes, these betrayal's cut me like those and I don't give a shit if Folks know this now. This is off my back now. I share with you my Guests, that these issues were so near and dear to my heart, that these provoked nightmares and negativity in those sixty hours of sleep since Friday past.
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