An Undisclosed Diagnosis

Dearest Relations, I am prepared to share something different about my health that I have not shared with too many Folks leave alone on such a wide form of communications. So please do pardon me for holding back on a diagnosis and health related matter.

Back in the mid 1990's, I was diagnosed with "Proctalgia Fugax". To this very day I continue with the symptoms associated with this disorder and like my Meniere's Disease and Asthma there are no cures. Matter-of-a-fact, there has never been a medication prescripition ordered for me to take for this...

...the Proctalgia Fugax, is a disease centered right directly and smack dab in the rectum. Yes, my rectum - the back door. The butt hole, etc., I've had this most painful, uncomfortable, "Earth Stopping", rectal problem soon to be twenty years. The incredibly simple to describ physical issue is this and please pardon the way it is explained. To easy for me not to pass by. Right, Proctalgia Fugax has some of the most horrible pains I can descibe and LOOK, to just say it, is this, I get spasms and cramps on/in the rectum. The ole Butt Hole...my poop shute...my Ass Hole.

I usually get these spasms in the night but have had spasms at work, and in the car - in other words I get them anytime - anyplace. The spasms usually last 20 to 40 minutes. Of what feels like I am wanting to give birth. Oh yes, I get all sorts of my urges to push, as if giving birth. I always remove myself from which area I was in when the spasam began. Sometimes that shit hurts so bad it takes my breath away. Makes me make odd noises and has brought me to tears before.

Since there is no medication or cure, it's clear I may look forward to these for my remaining day's here on Earth Mother.

I have contemplated many times on this Proctalgia...

...everytime I get these spasms or cramps, I wonder if I am being punished for the rapes I survived as a child and teen. Punished for not talking about the abuse - for not telling on the predators. Is my ass hole paying me back for all those times men forced themselve into me. It's so fucking really painfull. I know that it's real. I feel it in my ass...

...and I pray.

Relations, please do understand my hesitation in sharing this information. It's an embarrassing and shameful thing for me to have to live with it and even more to talk of it.

For me to remain true to my bloggs intro, it was necessary to bring this up to maintain the odd's and end's part of my life.

I just happen to have a real living pain in the ass. True, I did say that. Couldn't pass that up, ya know.

p.s. If you would like to read up on it. Hit Goggle.