Wednesday afternoon, shortly after physical therapy had been completed and K-Lo and I had bid our farewells - I remember vaguely and yet fully realize that I had a vertigo attack. We have known all along that physical therapy stirred Meniere's symptoms, but had not caused a Meniere's attack before. It was important for me to have this therapy. I have believed in my Center, this is what I am to do to get to a healthier place. A healthier and stronger place, you see? Better than here. (In my Crystal Ball, I see more Physical Therapy).
After K-Lo left, I went to bed having had my usual symptoms. Laid down to watch and listen to the vertigo attack. Until I fell asleep. This is the unpretty shit I live with every day, Kindred. I would be lieing if I said that I don't think about an attack "popping up" everyday. Shit! Were these symptoms worse because I felt an emotional moment? I don't know. Maybe? Was this because maybe I've had a foiken cough for a few days? I don't foiken know...
...there isn't any one particular symptom or another that forewarns of an impending Meniere's attack anymore. Yes, there are times when I know I better get my ass "home" while out or that it is best for me to be in bed., but I be damned if I can predict a Meniere's Attack anymore. For heavens sake, not with all of these bleeding sypmtoms that have become an intricate part of my life.
The amount of sleep that I have slept since Wednesday, no matter how I try to battle it is high, having slept 38 hours and continue to sleep when my body tells me. He-Who-Touched-My-Brain, asked me one week ago today, if I felt dizzy while I was on the floor waiting for family to come home, and no I was not dizzy at that moment. The dizzy came later and I have realized just how much I have slept since then too. No, I don't care to count how much I have slept. It doesn't matter right now...
...the now, is today and the symptoms I have now. I mentioned sleep, I woke early this morning to return to sleep one and one half hour later. Have just woke from the sleep a short time ago. I will be returning shortly. My body tells me so...
Note: Just had a bleeding loud BEEEEP-BEEEEP in my Left Deaf ear.
Nausea at this time is a seven and I burp to help me think that burping really works or helps. Have been non-productive thus far today. I am perspiring lightly at this time...misting.
Dizziness is a five and is being controlled by medications. What can I do?
The worms are active and play on the left side of my head. Imagine?
My Right-Good-Bad ear has had moments of total silence today. While other times I hear cicada's clear as foiken day and have gone outside to check if I am hearing this from the outside. No, I'm not. They're inside.
The "something" about this Meniere's Disease, is that once it has me in it's grasp, it is, what it does, on the inside my of body that dictates how I shall live and do what it is I do on my day to day's.
What it is that comes from my mouth or what expression I may carry, are the things I can control and maintain. This is why I carry a smile on my face or a laugh or two...one can hear it on the telephone when calling me, ya know? This is why I push it until pushing it hurts. Being in this position with Meniere's is further beyond my control than I ever thought.
So then it is up to me, my Relations and my Better Health Team to help me push on. Push = Pray Until Something Happens. I must. As irrational as this may sound, I must.
p.s. Please, will you all push with me?
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