These Are Times

Am waiting for my Bride to come home from work, she's working late...

...my daughter's have gone to South Carolina to visit friends.

I am home alone and wait for the telephone to ring. Please, somebody call!

Too much quite for too long a while, really causes me to fall into the moments of saddness. The Gloom. There's too much time to think when I am awake. Sleeping benefits my Meniere's Disease related symptoms but, it's also good and helps me keep the sad and gloom away. So I sleep...

...and I have slept a good chunk of today away and for that matter have slept a large chunk of this week away. As far as today or yesterday is concerned, I would not have been much of any good company anyways.

These are times I feel the worst. Especially when I am lonely or alone.
The voices of other world folks come through loud and clear. The one's repeating the words and then there is the cry of a baby and the voices of converation in the next room...

...these are times when I can see my pulse pump in my right wrist.

These are the time's, I contemplate inserting objects into my artery...into my private member. This is when I would more than likly place a fresh brand on to my skin...wanting a new scar. Waiting for a new scar.

These are the times, I wish for pain and am uncomfortable in my own skin. It hurts my heart to be so honest, but if I wasn't, I would then feel guilt. And there isn't a reason for me to feel guilt. Why lie?

It's just that for me, pain sometimes help's.