I first of all will discuss my number one issue as of this very moment, my Left Deaf Ear has been ringing all day. Yes, it does come and go as it wishes but I am certain the ringing has been going on far more than not. This ringing in my ear is not like a Salvation Army Representative ringing his or her annoying ring-a-ding-ling bells during Christmas time. Not quite like an old fashioned telephone ring either. The ringing has been more like a Tibetan bell with it's long and sometimes extraordinary rinnnnnnnnnnnnnng.
Long loud ringing. Sometimes this ringing sounds as if it has a purpose or function...a Morris Code set to a musical note. I don't know. It is enough to help keep me from sleeping today. Which for me today is a good thing. I really want to make a point to fight the sleep.
NOTICE: I have had a dreadful pain deep within my left ear for x3 days. Have had simular pain in the past but not lasting for days. I feel the pain more as I massage the area. If not better by Monday will call He-Who-Touched-My-Brain on Tuesday. The pain is sure enough that it causes me pain not the discomfort.
My right-good-bad ear has been poor with the hearing piece today. I have Stevie Nicks, on right now singing "Silver Springs" and "Landslide", assisting me with trying to place a block on the noises that are being so obnoxiously loud in my right ear. Giant locust, three foot tall crickets and the roar of an occasional B-52 prepared for take off. In my backyard. Please? Really?!
I'm afraid of changing. Loss of Hearing brings with it, many changes. I am aware of my changes. With the right ear getting what appears to be worse and the noises I hear, the voices I don't want or need to hear, and not being able to hear the sounds and voices I wish to listen to are driving me crazy. My mind via my ears are slowly causing me to go mad. I'm sorry to say this but it is so very true. I swear I do my best to keep my mind occupied and I do stay busy when I am doing well and away from the Meniere's Attacks. I share and say this to you today, I do my best to get by. I really do.
Nausea is a six and I perspire. The dizziness is about a six too. It takes me double the time to tip-tap at these keys when I am like this. Yes, I have taken the medication. Just a few minutes ago. I type so many error's due to distraction or vision that it requires a re-read and take-a-peak a stop and go, I go and stop.
I have been awkward and off balance today. So bad, I had to postpone K-Lo's visit, our last, until next week on the sixth. I am the Human Bumper Car Dude today and K-Lo's visit would have been a waste of a great session.
The Worms are busy. Squirming about. Doing what, I don't know. Sometimes I get a little hint that they've woken up. Other times it's just up and away with the squirming.
My neck has been hurting something ugly. I did not call She Who Intemidates Me, today. I will make sure to call Tuesday should this pain continue or worsen.
These symptoms I have shared with you today are symptoms I live with on a daily basis. My Better Health Team and I are doing everything possible to get me stronger and healthier. I just don't know how it is that I've kept myself from hurting me. I am blessed, I know. Yes, I do I am blessed. For so many years I did and would harm myself badly. I remember them and look at the scars. Sometimes in some truly troubling ways thoughts and or memories flood my system. I don't want to really hurt myself. Sometimes some really unpleasent thoughts cross my mind. Could this be an escape? I don't know...
....I just know that I hurt from the inside out...from my very core. The Little Mario alive within my Spirit's has a sad heart. Like the sad and bad hearts of my youth that have remained alive locked up in some fold of my brain. It's true. They're always there just a memory away.
I miss you Old Kindred Spirit! I miss you Medicine Woman. I miss listening to your voices and I miss reading your words. I miss your love too.
I leave now. I have nothing else to say or share. Peace to all Relations.
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