I awoke this morning with the nausea of Meniere's, grabbing me by the throat. I had a horrific gagging attack that broke me out into pooling sweats that became creeks, forming streams, and rivers of my body water traveling from my scalp heading South bound. The dizziness implies there will be alerts today to keep all systems open and eyes and ears on full alert. Um, I said ear's too. Ha! But yes, the dizziness this morning is a champagne sort of tipsy dizzy - not too intoxicating, though enough to let me know that my balance gauge is off center.
The sounds have been absolutely stupid over this past week and so, like since when not. Most have been the same as always so I decided not to communicate these woes for a few. I speculate it was time to talk a while about this, I make haste in apologizing for not focusing much on the Meniere's lately.
I see a photograph of myself, with my Third Eye and ask myself why apologize and do not have a response to this self asked question. I also see something that recognizes me from some features on my face...
...well, well, well, I just hung up with doctor's assistant over yonder and down town. She explained the reason's why I was denied the medication and shared that doctor wants to refer me to a sleep specialist. What is that? I also found out just a few minutes ago that my new neurologist is not really my new neurologist. She-With-Many-Name's is a neuro/head/neck pain specialist. I remember making it perfectly clear to same Folks that She-With-Many-Name's, is now my new neurologist. She, too. I don't know, but am I the only one here to feel a twist of a muscle somewhere in my mid mind some place. No mas, here's the pass-the-patient routine again. No time.
So now I know what deja vu all over again feels like behind my face.
Have had a good and productive face to face with my therapist, Sir Dude. Since I left off at the deja vu piece earlier, I'll segue right back into here. We had good exchanges and the one that closed our session, was me speaking and realizing that I am now obligated to have sessions with him. Now, that it is written in my business plan with vocational rehabilitation. I have let this wrap around my skull and two brain's, the one half and then the other half', because I realized as I uttered those words that I had not processed this since signing my plan yesterday afternoon over at the government office. I have been obliged to met with my therapist. My therapist is a trusted member of my team and it was I who choose to have this relationship with the right good therapist. I expect that this will not affect our patient/therapist relationship and I suspect that should I ever pick up a slightest clue other-wise, there might be an issue. Or two. I feel strongly enough but this that I shall place a call and connect with my counselor at VR come morning.
While out, I was able to have pleasantry's with my dear Lady Ma'am, over at the English and South African market. I expect to see and meet her again in two weeks. My next visit with my right good therapist. The weather is light rains for now with storms expected later on today, it is not too hot out side, more like quite warm with 100% humidity, along with the sprinkle. Oh, my good-goodness, it was one fine mess combined with the sweaty mess of the meniere's. I was able to navigate fairly well. I had three stumbles and my body was nearly side swiped by the car of a woman rushing back to get to work from lunch. I'm not too sure that Miss. Lady, even noticed me and my extra large Ogre sized body and badunk-badunk. Bless her heart.
There was thrice times I noticed the Mother Earth beneath my sneakered feet shape shift and I wasn't sure of my footing. Oh, and no, these are not related to the stumbles, these three episodes are completely different in nature - this visual is more do to with my balance and perception of depth, I truly do think so, anyways.
The sounds have been very hectic, always distracting, and random the past several days. There have been many of the usual suspects and I have learned that I should jot down every damned new noise and or sound that comes along. I did enjoy sharing the sounds that I hear from the YouTube, but that has been interrupted by some unknown source. For shits sake, I just want to share with others what 'tinnitis', sounds like in my ears. The left deaf and the right hard of hearing one...
...at this instant, I am listening to what is the remnants of what was once a loud and long lasting "beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep". But so damned loud. Then, the beep slowly began to taper off and I am left with what sounds and feels like post concert ear. My left deaf ear has had the sounds of submarine traffic and the sounds associated with sounds of such underwater craft. My hearing has been shit poor and it has also been too sensitive from the harsh sounding innards of the little blue bus. There is a nice and steady beep, beep. Beep. Beep. Beeeeeep, going on.
Rhoda, I just don't know what I am to do sometimes.
For this time being, I think I'll keep my chin up, continue to keep on hangin' ten and try not to 'sweat' the shit that is out of my control. I reckon if it was meant for me to get smashed by Miss. Lady-In-Such-A-Hurry, I would've been smashed. Seen?
Gotta Go, Love,
Mario and Pearl
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