Kindred,
I woke early this morning, once again besting the new alarm clock and did not disengage the alarm so it would go off, so laid in bed to experience the shake at real time. Disappointingly, the shaking device is not as strong as I imagined it would be. The alarm is same or very similar sounding to my old and or any run-of-the-mill alarm clock, and I have learned the flashing light is not really recognizable in day light. Not enough that would awake or alert me anyway. Once I was up and about, I had tea and breakfast, browsed the Tampa Bay Times, skipped the Sports because The Rays lost, and began to plan my day.
I had planned on opening up my Better Health, Mind, Body, and Spirit office, but I had a very peculiar and overwhelmingly odd attack of vertigo, a symptom of the Menere's Disease that dwells within my skin. I remember clearly having a chat with my wife, Botswana at 1012 this morning. At approximately 1130, while here in our third bedroom, I felt a numbing nausea gain control of me, I had goose flesh run up and down my back and face. I could feel my skull, its contents, my brain's, and innards begin to twirl. I was ambushed by a vertigo attack. Boom!I discontinued whatever it was I was doing, (I have forgotten), removed myself from here, and used walls to slowly retreat to my safe place, where it was I thought to sit this out and resume my day. You know, the grand ole "get up and brush it off", kind of stuff for me. This mornings Meniere's Disease had ulterior plans and this vertigo attack rocked the wind out of my lungs and my world. While laying in my comfy spot I attempted to focus on a source to focus on - something that I could ground on, but nothing ever materialized. Not a thing. Even the damned ceiling fan began to play mind games with me by skip-stopping like a fan processed.
"Dude, get up, brush it off, and stop crying already. Okay?"
My vision began to wiggle. As in wiggle being and is the exact best description I could stir. My very vision began to wiggle. I thought to myself, 'what da fuck"? I think I can compare it only to some of the scientific tests I have had in the past. My eye's wiggled, while my world, my life and I went spinning about in my skull.
The sleep was forced and came quickly, very quickly, and I was sent off to a deep and solid sleep. REM sleep, I say, and I share with my Guests that I was well into Dream World. Dreams manifest, varied and with Folks from a different place and time. Seemingly, my paths criss crossing in my mind's and spirit's world. This was a sleep that went solidly and without interruption until 1616.
There is a sad note I must share and that is that I slept through a telephone call today. For as long as the ringer's rang, I heard no sound. I layed there sleeping and laying next to me was the new cordless telephone that is especially manufactured for Folks who are hearing impaired. I had the base of this wireless telephone to my right, I had the cordless to my left, and, we have left connected the telephone on Botswana's side of the bed. The call came through at 1253. There was and are three telephone ringers within a six or seven foot section of me, and I didn't hear a damned one, nor did I ever hear anything during that entire time of being enveloped by the sleep.
There is something brewing in my heart, something I don't recall feeling before. An energy building within, an energy that is from my core. It has just dawned on me, just how exposed I was during these few hours. I think that I felt a sense of helplessness when I realized I did not hear the call come through. I speculate that I still feel the tug at my heart.
Speaking of my heart, I don't know how much more my heart and I are expected to take with this disease Meniere's, and it's disgusting symptoms. I am overwhelmed with exhaustion that One might not be able to empathize with, unless, One has walked in my flop-flips. Both shoulders are heavy, my neck feels as if I am a bobble head, and my body is sore and pained, I feel as if I went and fucked up by getting my ass stomped on. My damned eye balls hurt. I feel pain and discomfort from my left temple to every one of my toes. Every thing between is so sore and bruised, my knees ache, the right one crackles as I walk, and my vision is toying with my emotions.
My Dearest Kindred, my very emotions are bruised. My psyche, my heart, and being are sad. The gloom approaches from the four directions and I want to vomit. I have so much to do in life. I was to have called my feuding doctor's about the new got damned medicine today. This is the shit that hurts my emotions.
Leaving my self vulnerable the way I did, and the way I have, is so ultra fucking horrifying for me to conceptualize. I am knowing. I must do more to better protect my safety. A plan, then.
Over the year's, I have always taught "The Three Women" in my life to be cautious, walk with purpose and intention, and to maintain awareness of One's environment. Blessed Three Women, I must have driven them mad with Daddy-ism's. Now, more than ever in all my days, I must now follow my own words.
Time now I too return to sleep. My eye lashes hurt, my left eye has gone gimp and is half closed. So, for now I say...
...Bella's, love, peace, and more peace, mario
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