A Cornucopia of Utterance's

Kindred,

Just a short few hours ago I woke up to this beautiful Florida, sun shiny, bright, and gloom filled afternoon. I have felt this angst in my teeth, and my sinus cavity, off and on all day today. Something has stung me with this crazy desire to wash my hands and face, time and time again. Which really troubles me, because this is very unlike the way I am and today finds that I have a penchant to washing my face and hands and wash my hands and face an unknown amount of times today. My first concern is the waste of water. Honest to God, it troubles me to see or hear a person over use water. The people who waste our water trouble me.

I awoke as if it were morning time, but the clock read rather late in the afternoon. I am not knowing why, but, The Sleep has returned in its laboriousness. This vacuum of energy renders me bed bound and I am reporting I have slept twenty plus hours the past two days and prior to these days, I was sleeping sixteen hours plus. I sit here saddened and with ignorance, I feel myself at a loss for words and an obvious presence of uncertainty. The Sleep and the non-living, scares me. The Sleep scares me, because of the amount of time I am down, when the Meniere's Disease's symptoms shake my tree and makes me feel that it has taken root by force , this has genuinely overwhelmed the inner chambers of my heart and chest, both of which, are right here where my innards are stored.

I watch the thumpity-thump-thump-stop-thump-stop, of my heart beat on my right wrist.

The pains in my scalp and neck have been harsh, and I have come to the conclusion this must be the way it is I am to live my life. It is my purpose to share this as it all fits quite well into the grand scheme of things in my life and path. There is a reflection of what is meant for me to live with this omni present pain and discomfort that is associated with my anatomy, bit's and piece's abound. I'll tuck-and-roll whilst my physician's experiment with my peculiar illness's and I have provided verbal full speed ahead to all who treat me in the manner which they see fit for creating a better state of health for me. I acknowledge that I have been a Guinea pig, once or twice. Said fact, but, I am okay with this. I trust every physician in my team. With my life. The spiders have returned, them that were once thought and considered long gone. Well? I reckon the spider's were begging to differ, as these bastards have scared me twice today. One spider went across the top of my skull and the other made its presence known wiggling on the left side of my scalp and skull. The damned worms never left, and it just crossed my mind the 'not knowing' of how long they have lived in the area between my scalp and skull is a puzzle. Other than the Neurological Pain medicine Gabapentin, for this, there is nothing else I eat. The facial spasms continue, as do the dreadful pains in my inner ear's. If I could just get my finger in there deep enough. While on the subject of Neurology, I'll share that I called my primary physician/internist earlier today to see if I might possibly meet her post visit with the newest member to my team, a doctor who practices under the same roof. One who specializes in the spine. I was kindly denied, but was informed of a cancellation on my doctors schedule, which translates into me seeing my primary next week, which removes a month of weeks between the next scheduled appointment. That's mighty huge in these times, I say. And, this sure expedites the process to begin the latest medicine, the next anti-depressant.

There is an urgency in the bringing of the letter of denial from the insurance company. For shits sake, I have physician who wants to work her wonders on me and we both get denied. Damn it, that truly rocked my world. I just couldn't nor am I able to determine the truth of why this medicine was kept from me. This is why I am ready to take this medicine and kick up my steps in life. I want to live a life. I want to have hope with this new medicine.

It's my next newest new hope.

I have had the Sounds from Hell attack my every damned nerve and yes, the last one too. A beating by the sounds between these three ears of mine. All of this crazy making noise is plain old freaking hideously unrelenting. By the way, I wanted to say, 'old fucking', but thought otherwise for some odd reason. No, I don't know. I have listened to "long and out loud beep's", to the zeppelin stuck over my house - in time and manner. It hums so loud it sounds like it is but a couple of yards from my roof. From the one right ear there have also been the aquatic sounds of whale beckoning one and another and the radar sound of the Russian submarine stuck off the Saint Petersburg, Florida coast a few miles or so. I wonder if the Mores Code I heard a few minutes ago originated from there. There has been three foot crickets and two foot tall cicadas singing their fucking lust songs loud, long and clear. There is no medicine for these symptoms.

Sometimes, there's more to it: It is easier said than done, and the grin and bare it's get old...

...while it has been such, the state of my dizziness has been so uncomfortable and at times dangerous. I consider while writing these words, could this be a contributing factor in my need for sleep. It is customary I wear socks and sneakers as a precautionary measure when battling the poor coordination and dizziness. Today, the nausea has run on high and sits at the base of my neck, just a bit lower than my Adam's apple. There has been some activity and I have vomited into my mouth twice. Possibly due to the nausea, I have sweat what certainly has been pint's over the past couple of days, yet, at this moment I am but misting around my skull and I am dry elsewhere. For this brief respite, I am happy.

Let me share that I am not so happy about fucked up noises and sounds, from the voices of them Folk's screaming and yelling about "their" amendment 2, to the Constitution of The United States of America. I would love to shake the hand of the person who has placed pages before them to learn what it is our fore-fathers uttered and farted, with their fancy 'read between the lines' of all the talk-talk-talk about MY Rights as a citizen. When I hear from the streets and pick up the concussion of some heavy metal gun shots, going off a block or two due West, or a side arm, shot the block over. The shows of such a tolerance for the Folk's doing the killings are proof that being killed by mass murders, assassins, Dexter, or Cowboys are the politico's least worry and not at all the slightest bet interested in what is going on in MY country. Just today here in town there is report on the news about a three year old toddler shot to death. These State's of these South Eastern United States, has begun to re-arm itself. I am not leaning to heavy on the stats I am about to share and share them because I have studied one and too many shootings created by weapon's of mass ammo. You see, it's not clear to me, but when the Local, County and State Law Enforcement Officers, are sadly out gunned. Out ammo'ed and dealing with Folk's who are already killing and shooting one and another. So much talk-talk about Black on Black killings. Some one better wake somebody up because what I am reading and seeing is a bountiful White on White slaughter, after slaughter, after massacre. I speculate that many of our citizens have grown weary. I have. A White America is now experiencing and seeing time and time again, what it was that White America committed against the Indian Nation's, even up into the early 1900's there were slaughters committed by the white citizens. Now, all are to see with their own eyes what was done to the Black Folk's of our country, past and present. How it was the Jew's were rounded up in this country and murdered during the Nazi influence upon the face of this Earth Mother of ours. The Japanese during WWII, placed in Detention center's. Even now, to know racism continues is unfortunate for this country's plans. The fact that antisemitism lives on in this country and that many Native Nation's remain destitute on the reservations, makes me sick.

America, please read The Constitution. For shits sake, and I mean from cover to cover of a book that would also contain the Declaration Of Independence, because this is a catastrophically sad thing going on out there in our society. Folk's killing and justifying their ignorance by calling out a number. People please, folks who shoot and kill a person or people, MUST know that your ignorant ass is going to jail. And then to prison and then depending on what type of shooting was committed, one might never come out. Alive.

I recently made mention of praying the push prayer. I pray and I push real hard. which translates into I push and I then push again and then more if I must. For this is what it is Great Spirit wishes for one and for all. To very simply push and to mean it. "Pray Until Something Happens'. Please, my dear one's pray and push for our Country....

There is something that is to be learned by me and them in my circles. That being my unions with Angels and the Archangels, who have been in my life's experience all life long. The Earth Angels, are them who you love as a Kindred Spirit. Earth Angels are those with the special blend of Spirit and of individual. There is one in my life who is this type of Earth Angel. One who returned to my life back in 1979. Crossing paths with me shortly after my discharge from the U.S. Army. In my heart, was the very heart that belonged to my one and only true girl friend for life - why lie. Today she is my wife. The heart and love of my one and only one individual that I so prayed to come back to me and come back into my life. My bride, my wife.

A Spiritual trust to the medical professionals in guiding me as a Spiritual Being to a better place. Same said about the unions I have with them involved with my better mind and body.

My Soul and my Spirit's are not mine, they belong to my God. Hands off.

This period of my time here has been for me to live and learn. Now that I am at this point in life and at an understanding of I am, knowing I am here but for a brief stay, and I'll swear that I really do try to live my life, so the preacher don't have to lie.

This has been a cornucopia of my utterances and I have nothing else to say.