Kindred,
If I may, I would love to sit a spell with you and share with you what this Meniere's has been like today. Although, I think what I'll start off with is the news from last Friday's visit with my Neurologist. Her diagnosis is that I do not have migraine's. After a series of in clinic tests and do this, look at this and that, she has decided that I do not have the migraines. The pains I am living with are from neurological issues post surgery's and complicated by cervical spine issues. From C-1 all the way down through C-5 and 6. I have been prescribed a compound of medication in a rubbing paste of pain reliever's. Yes, I am pleased that I do not have the migraines - but why is it then, that I can't get a straight up answer to my questions as to why I have been living with these pains for so long. Is ALL OF THIS PAIN from the Meniere' or is it from the cervical spine OR is it a combination of both.I've already expressed why I stopped speaking of this. It is really simple actually, I just don't want a pain management doctor. Nor do I wish to be associated with a pain clinic. Frankly, I don't give a damn whether the doctor is this or that as far as a profession. The World and America are aware of the going on's here in Florida with pain clinics. I don't need another doctor first of all, don't need too many more damned shots and or pills, and most importantly, just don't want my name associated with a pain clinic. Albeit, too late, I have been a couple or three times to see doctor and I have seen the folks that go to this clinic and really, I just don't want to. Period. For all of my reasons in my world, I just don't want to. For now, as I have I'll live with these pain attacks, spiders and worms. In my heart, I have believed this to be Meniere's related from the very beginning.
Today, while gardening in the North Yard, I felt my world come to a complete stop. This sensation took my breathe away and it felt as if I was to faint. Ting-Ting, my hound came rushing up to me ad began to lick my face and arms, so I took it as a direct call from Great Spirit through my hound and disengaged. That took place very shortly after speaking with my life long friend Jimmy. I had already pushed myself to being short of breath, but I continued to push and kept on trucking...
...until, everything came to a stop. I still carry this sensation in my head and throat. It is very meniere's attack like but it did not go there. So I sit here sweating and feeling the dizziness and nausea messing with my head and energy.
I have learned what true silence is. True silence is silent and it is dreadfully quiet and there is no hearing one's heart beat or an exhalation or the sound of what is going on out of doors. This silence is so quiet that there are no noises or sounds to trouble me or my ears with. I know now. There is a massive difference in what it is I thought quiet was. Or what silence is. It is still necessary that I wait for the right ear to catch up and wake with the rest of me in he morning. There are times when this takes longer than the last week. Or the last month. Knowing what this silence sounds like does not make this process any easier or better. It's sick and it sucks. I just don't know what else to say about this right now. So, I won't say anything.
WAIT! Just got off the telephone with a pharmacy in Bradenton, Florida. These are the Folks who have received prescription from my neurologist. My insurance has refused and will not cover this compound because it is made in a different pharmacy than the one we use ordinarily. What the?
Seen.
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