Kindred,
It is now night number three I find myself heading into. Today came with all of four hours of sleep today. On the yesterday, I slept three or four hours, I forget. Since this past Wednesday morning I have slept less than eight hours. I spoke of some of this in the wee hours and with the time being 1903, I know that my eye's are shut wide open. Yes, my dear Kinfolk, I am exhausted, yet not sleepy. My body pains and aches me and I am un-medicated to combat the discomfort.
There is something that I need to share with someone. Someone who will understand what I am thinking, going through and will not pass judgement onto me. Please. I have the understanding that there is alot of mental and emotional shit going on right now in my life and on My Path. On top of what it is that my body is dealing or is not dealing with. I just really don't know at the moment. Seen? I actually question whether I should even mention what it is in mind and what is troubling me in such a foul and unusual way. Look, let me wait one minute. I need to gather my thoughts on how it is I am going to express myself. So, in the time being, let me move on.
The sounds coming from between these ears are beginning to become so bothersome and distracting I am considering asking Brenda if she might consider placing me in hospital for a couple of days. You see, I consider that there might be some exile fever going on in my mind, heart and Spirit's. As far as these sounds and pains, I do not think any are being managed correctly and the issues I am dealing with compound an already fragile state of being. What am I to do?
At this instant I am listening to the constant and perpetual beeping sounds coming from my deaf left ear. Almost to the sound of the second tick-tick of the clock, beep--beep--beep--beep-beep--beepity-beep-beep. He-Who-Touched-My-Brain, has informed me time and time again that the all of this are symptoms or the consequence of the Meniere's Disease. Ma'am and or Sir., this unholy shit is torture. In every possible means it is inhumane. These beeps have been going on for hours! Beeps beating to the pulse of my heart is not normal. I don't know what normal means anymore. I seem to have memories of what normal was, but then, I don't know if I've ever really been a normal sort - but you know what I mean. Really.
Earlier today I listened to what sounded like the evil mother ship from the motion picture Star Wars. No, I could not feel the vibration, but I sure as shit laid in bed and listened to it for a good thirty or so minutes. Today, my right ear has also heard the sound of that Speed Train the dumb fuck in Tallahassee gave away to another state the billions to build here and create jobs for our Floridians. That dumb numb skull bald headed ass donkey. Little does he know that bastard speed train sped straight behind my bedroom window for several minutes. I reckon this Speed train had many cabins because it just seemed to keep on going and going...
... and yes, I am extremely annoyed by and at that idiot running our State government. Fool.
Anyway, the sounds have also included the sounds of the Rain Forest in Costa Rica. On and off and on and off, all damned day, the sounds of crickets, cicadas and frogs that must be monsters create havoc within this skull of mine.
The pains between my scalp and skull have been intermittent with severe strikes that really do stop my world. Some so bad I can't help but cry. The spiders and worms have been quite active today. Troublesome neurological shit that does play with my emotions.
I am prepared to share something that I think I may have shared once. Kindred, I am becoming afraid of the dark. Doctor says this is because of the left ear being deaf and the right ear with loss of hearing, is why I am experiencing this fairly recent fear of night. I say it is a messed up ugly joke and a phenomena about my being...
...you see, I have always been a friend of the dark and night. I have not ever bean fearful of the cool of night. Now, the thumps in the night that I think I hear are slowly turning me against this friend of mine. The Night is a very special time of my day to day. I do not wish to become so fearful that I end up going mad. And oh yes, this is a subject Sir Dude and I will discuss during our next face to face.
Fuck Meniere's!
I have nothing more to say.
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