Relations,
If you have forgotten or do not know how I conduct my "Share and Tell It!", let me explain. I will in quick succession throw out thought, memories and or pretty much whatever comes to mind. I shoot from the hips and tend not to censor my language. I usually have a shit load of fun with this form of "Show and Tell".
So, with out any further delay, Here we go...
1. I dislike liars. All liars.
2. Even more when the liar will come back to me with another lie to cover the other lie.
3. They are so ratchet that they believe the lies themselves.
4. I speak with truths so I don't have to remember what it was I said about a topic last time.
5. Don't boast to me. You do not have to impress me. Seen?
6. Please do not BULLSHIT me.
7. Bullshit was a class I took in at American High School in Miami, Florida back in 1977.
8. I smell bullshit coming from a persons breathe before they speak it.
9. My Path, has no room for Folks who wish to play these games.
10. I began the process earlier today of severing ties with certain folks.
11. No bad, no foul. Just too far out of the peripheral to matter, when to some of you, I don't.
12. Even Kinfolks fall into all subjects just shared. It is Kinfolk who cut the deepest.
13. I hope and pray I am permitted to attend college to learn American Sign Language.
14. No telling when this stoppage in hearing will occur.
15. Still, I do not know what to think of this mystery.
16. I am alienated.
17. I say that with bitterness in my heart. My heart heavy.
18. Those who speak through the side of their neck - have no ears.
19. They do not listen because their own voices get in the way.
20. Mom, I miss you.
21. To all who have been a part of my Better State of Health, Mind, Body and Spirit's. Thanks!
22. To all of my Guests, who have stopped to read a few words and spend a minute, thank you!
23. To all who have not even called to ask how I am doing, fuck you. Pearl!
24. How do farmers get the milk from a chicken to make Egg Nog?
25. I know who I am. I am who I am. I owe you no obligation and neither, you to me. No Judge!
Well Folks, there it is! I hope you have had as much fun reading this as I have had writing it.
I have nothing more to say.
Friday, November 30, 2012
Mario's Midnight Meniere's Madness
Tonight's Mario's Midnight Meniere's Madness, is keeping me from sleeping. I have placed my head on pillow and covered up comfy in my Tampa Bay Buccaneer blanket, have read a couple of speeches by Native American Indians. I took my night medications and still will not fall off to sleep. No, I have not had caffination, nor would any of my pills, tablets and pearls affect me in such a way. My body is exhausted and there are parts and pieces of my body that are beginning to complain. And no, there has been none delirium. Soon, the clock will silently strike 0100 on this early Saturday morning, 01 December 2012. Happy New Month! One week ago today I had a Meniere's attack and presently I push through what seems to be the flip of an attack. I mean, Is it?
Yes, the noises and sounds are abundant, obnoxiously loud and torment. The damned beeps, beep.
I have been nauseated at a level of 8 tonight. This is when the gag is kicking and I seem to feel the vomit stuck at the Adams apple. I vomited a bit in mouth earlier this evening while having my dinner. When this happens it tends to place a different light on what it was I was enjoying only moment earlier and meal comes to a close.
(These foiking BEEPS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)
The dizziness is ugly and dangerous. So I take slow steps and walk with purpose. The balance and coordination are always influenced my the movement of the dizziness. So I ease up a bit.
I am witnessing the formation of a phobia with the "fear of falling" within this skull of mine. There's nothing much more to say about that. Um, no this is not something new, it just has never quite been so thought consuming. I have had this thought process since the falls began to occur years ago. I am the fortunate one for not breaking an arm or a neck and yes, I really am the blessed one when it comes to this topic. A topic that sits in one of my brains every day life. I wonder if I might develop some form of psychosis with the fear's that are beginning t manifest at an alarming self observation.
The spiders and worms rest. No cluster pains for the past two hours.
Earlier, I heard my 94 year old Grand Mother Mary call my name. Clearly, with the tone and voice only my Abuela has had all of my life. She does not live here. I consider this a true call from her. I pray all is well and hope I will see her soon. Other than my Grand Mother, the voices have been calm and at ease today.
Yes, the noises and sounds are abundant, obnoxiously loud and torment. The damned beeps, beep.
I have been nauseated at a level of 8 tonight. This is when the gag is kicking and I seem to feel the vomit stuck at the Adams apple. I vomited a bit in mouth earlier this evening while having my dinner. When this happens it tends to place a different light on what it was I was enjoying only moment earlier and meal comes to a close.
(These foiking BEEPS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)
The dizziness is ugly and dangerous. So I take slow steps and walk with purpose. The balance and coordination are always influenced my the movement of the dizziness. So I ease up a bit.
I am witnessing the formation of a phobia with the "fear of falling" within this skull of mine. There's nothing much more to say about that. Um, no this is not something new, it just has never quite been so thought consuming. I have had this thought process since the falls began to occur years ago. I am the fortunate one for not breaking an arm or a neck and yes, I really am the blessed one when it comes to this topic. A topic that sits in one of my brains every day life. I wonder if I might develop some form of psychosis with the fear's that are beginning t manifest at an alarming self observation.
The spiders and worms rest. No cluster pains for the past two hours.
Earlier, I heard my 94 year old Grand Mother Mary call my name. Clearly, with the tone and voice only my Abuela has had all of my life. She does not live here. I consider this a true call from her. I pray all is well and hope I will see her soon. Other than my Grand Mother, the voices have been calm and at ease today.
A 4 Hour Sleep Today, Here Comes The Night
Kindred,
It is now night number three I find myself heading into. Today came with all of four hours of sleep today. On the yesterday, I slept three or four hours, I forget. Since this past Wednesday morning I have slept less than eight hours. I spoke of some of this in the wee hours and with the time being 1903, I know that my eye's are shut wide open. Yes, my dear Kinfolk, I am exhausted, yet not sleepy. My body pains and aches me and I am un-medicated to combat the discomfort.
There is something that I need to share with someone. Someone who will understand what I am thinking, going through and will not pass judgement onto me. Please. I have the understanding that there is alot of mental and emotional shit going on right now in my life and on My Path. On top of what it is that my body is dealing or is not dealing with. I just really don't know at the moment. Seen? I actually question whether I should even mention what it is in mind and what is troubling me in such a foul and unusual way. Look, let me wait one minute. I need to gather my thoughts on how it is I am going to express myself. So, in the time being, let me move on.
The sounds coming from between these ears are beginning to become so bothersome and distracting I am considering asking Brenda if she might consider placing me in hospital for a couple of days. You see, I consider that there might be some exile fever going on in my mind, heart and Spirit's. As far as these sounds and pains, I do not think any are being managed correctly and the issues I am dealing with compound an already fragile state of being. What am I to do?
At this instant I am listening to the constant and perpetual beeping sounds coming from my deaf left ear. Almost to the sound of the second tick-tick of the clock, beep--beep--beep--beep-beep--beepity-beep-beep. He-Who-Touched-My-Brain, has informed me time and time again that the all of this are symptoms or the consequence of the Meniere's Disease. Ma'am and or Sir., this unholy shit is torture. In every possible means it is inhumane. These beeps have been going on for hours! Beeps beating to the pulse of my heart is not normal. I don't know what normal means anymore. I seem to have memories of what normal was, but then, I don't know if I've ever really been a normal sort - but you know what I mean. Really.
Earlier today I listened to what sounded like the evil mother ship from the motion picture Star Wars. No, I could not feel the vibration, but I sure as shit laid in bed and listened to it for a good thirty or so minutes. Today, my right ear has also heard the sound of that Speed Train the dumb fuck in Tallahassee gave away to another state the billions to build here and create jobs for our Floridians. That dumb numb skull bald headed ass donkey. Little does he know that bastard speed train sped straight behind my bedroom window for several minutes. I reckon this Speed train had many cabins because it just seemed to keep on going and going...
... and yes, I am extremely annoyed by and at that idiot running our State government. Fool.
Anyway, the sounds have also included the sounds of the Rain Forest in Costa Rica. On and off and on and off, all damned day, the sounds of crickets, cicadas and frogs that must be monsters create havoc within this skull of mine.
The pains between my scalp and skull have been intermittent with severe strikes that really do stop my world. Some so bad I can't help but cry. The spiders and worms have been quite active today. Troublesome neurological shit that does play with my emotions.
I am prepared to share something that I think I may have shared once. Kindred, I am becoming afraid of the dark. Doctor says this is because of the left ear being deaf and the right ear with loss of hearing, is why I am experiencing this fairly recent fear of night. I say it is a messed up ugly joke and a phenomena about my being...
...you see, I have always been a friend of the dark and night. I have not ever bean fearful of the cool of night. Now, the thumps in the night that I think I hear are slowly turning me against this friend of mine. The Night is a very special time of my day to day. I do not wish to become so fearful that I end up going mad. And oh yes, this is a subject Sir Dude and I will discuss during our next face to face.
Fuck Meniere's!
I have nothing more to say.
It is now night number three I find myself heading into. Today came with all of four hours of sleep today. On the yesterday, I slept three or four hours, I forget. Since this past Wednesday morning I have slept less than eight hours. I spoke of some of this in the wee hours and with the time being 1903, I know that my eye's are shut wide open. Yes, my dear Kinfolk, I am exhausted, yet not sleepy. My body pains and aches me and I am un-medicated to combat the discomfort.
There is something that I need to share with someone. Someone who will understand what I am thinking, going through and will not pass judgement onto me. Please. I have the understanding that there is alot of mental and emotional shit going on right now in my life and on My Path. On top of what it is that my body is dealing or is not dealing with. I just really don't know at the moment. Seen? I actually question whether I should even mention what it is in mind and what is troubling me in such a foul and unusual way. Look, let me wait one minute. I need to gather my thoughts on how it is I am going to express myself. So, in the time being, let me move on.
The sounds coming from between these ears are beginning to become so bothersome and distracting I am considering asking Brenda if she might consider placing me in hospital for a couple of days. You see, I consider that there might be some exile fever going on in my mind, heart and Spirit's. As far as these sounds and pains, I do not think any are being managed correctly and the issues I am dealing with compound an already fragile state of being. What am I to do?
At this instant I am listening to the constant and perpetual beeping sounds coming from my deaf left ear. Almost to the sound of the second tick-tick of the clock, beep--beep--beep--beep-beep--beepity-beep-beep. He-Who-Touched-My-Brain, has informed me time and time again that the all of this are symptoms or the consequence of the Meniere's Disease. Ma'am and or Sir., this unholy shit is torture. In every possible means it is inhumane. These beeps have been going on for hours! Beeps beating to the pulse of my heart is not normal. I don't know what normal means anymore. I seem to have memories of what normal was, but then, I don't know if I've ever really been a normal sort - but you know what I mean. Really.
Earlier today I listened to what sounded like the evil mother ship from the motion picture Star Wars. No, I could not feel the vibration, but I sure as shit laid in bed and listened to it for a good thirty or so minutes. Today, my right ear has also heard the sound of that Speed Train the dumb fuck in Tallahassee gave away to another state the billions to build here and create jobs for our Floridians. That dumb numb skull bald headed ass donkey. Little does he know that bastard speed train sped straight behind my bedroom window for several minutes. I reckon this Speed train had many cabins because it just seemed to keep on going and going...
... and yes, I am extremely annoyed by and at that idiot running our State government. Fool.
Anyway, the sounds have also included the sounds of the Rain Forest in Costa Rica. On and off and on and off, all damned day, the sounds of crickets, cicadas and frogs that must be monsters create havoc within this skull of mine.
The pains between my scalp and skull have been intermittent with severe strikes that really do stop my world. Some so bad I can't help but cry. The spiders and worms have been quite active today. Troublesome neurological shit that does play with my emotions.
I am prepared to share something that I think I may have shared once. Kindred, I am becoming afraid of the dark. Doctor says this is because of the left ear being deaf and the right ear with loss of hearing, is why I am experiencing this fairly recent fear of night. I say it is a messed up ugly joke and a phenomena about my being...
...you see, I have always been a friend of the dark and night. I have not ever bean fearful of the cool of night. Now, the thumps in the night that I think I hear are slowly turning me against this friend of mine. The Night is a very special time of my day to day. I do not wish to become so fearful that I end up going mad. And oh yes, this is a subject Sir Dude and I will discuss during our next face to face.
Fuck Meniere's!
I have nothing more to say.
Two Nights No Sleep, Meniere's Rubbish
This is my second consecutive night without sleep. I have not slept more than three to four hours since the night of the 27th, since I woke for my appointment Wednesday, for my appointment the sleep has been out of reach. Yesterday late morning and into the afternoon I was able to get those few hours of rest. I am holding on.
The sounds and noises have been huge contributing factors in my no sleep. I am uncertain if these noises are affecting my hearing, but there is a lower grade of listening quality. This evening while we watched the tube we had to turn it up loudly for me to hear. Last night we held the volume in the mid-range. Seemed as if my hearing was hyper-sensitive and had the illusion of listening from both ears. Which is an impossibility. Even with the BAHA plugged into the abutment the quality of hearing has been too much crazy making for me.
The noises this evening have been the sounds of a roaring ocean in my deaf ear to rapid beeps in Top Secret Code coming out of Moscow. These Mores Codes are states of urgency and they're communicating with some folks in Cairo. The KGB stationed in Cairo need to brush up on their codes. They're to easy to decipher. I have prayed, have communicated and held ceremony for my Kindred in Russia. My heart is bad because of what I read and what it is I see as petty chess playing. Why still Moscow do you hold out on the Liberation of Syria? Genocide is happening. My Fellow Earth Mates, we as a civilized peoples are permitting Assad to make Genocide.
Please, back to the sounds. Besides the massive amount of frequent beeps, I have listened to what sounded like a John Deere tractor in my back yard. One of those huge sums-a-bitches that harvests the corn crops. At this instant, an orchestra of crickets play a symphony for only me to hear. Because I know there are not any crickets out of doors. And yes, I went to check and listen because this is so loud. I was afraid of an infestation of epic proportions. So feckin' loud!
Pain has been a factor this evening. Between my scalp and skull, my neck and down into my left shoulder and arm. These dreadful pain strikes are so painful. Cluster Ambushes. I have used my fingers and knuckles so much that my hands are sore and swollen. I swear I wish I could squeeze my fingers up and into this space so I could massage the very nerves that haunt me. Tonight, I had the spiders crawling all about the space between the scalp and skull. No worms.
Meniere's and it's dizziness is like a cap tightly worn about this bobble head of mine. Present and definitely pressing on me having an accident should I fail to conduct strict and purposeful walking. The balance and coordination has been off to this side and I have remained in doors today to keep safe. There was no active or productive nausea today, which is such a break. Yes, nausea has been with me today, but it appears that I was provided a brief respite from the nagging and gagging.
This evening while sitting with my dearest wife viewing television, I noticed at an extremely uncomfortable rate that my vision has been and continues to push the limits of my patience. I am awaiting change of year to receive new glasses. I am very curious to find out how much my prescription's have changed. I know it has changed - I just don't have the statistics in hand as to how much it has. Great Spirit? Please.
My Ma went blind. My Great Grandfather Luis also went blind. Sounds like genetics's. True?
I have nothing more to say. Good night.
The sounds and noises have been huge contributing factors in my no sleep. I am uncertain if these noises are affecting my hearing, but there is a lower grade of listening quality. This evening while we watched the tube we had to turn it up loudly for me to hear. Last night we held the volume in the mid-range. Seemed as if my hearing was hyper-sensitive and had the illusion of listening from both ears. Which is an impossibility. Even with the BAHA plugged into the abutment the quality of hearing has been too much crazy making for me.
The noises this evening have been the sounds of a roaring ocean in my deaf ear to rapid beeps in Top Secret Code coming out of Moscow. These Mores Codes are states of urgency and they're communicating with some folks in Cairo. The KGB stationed in Cairo need to brush up on their codes. They're to easy to decipher. I have prayed, have communicated and held ceremony for my Kindred in Russia. My heart is bad because of what I read and what it is I see as petty chess playing. Why still Moscow do you hold out on the Liberation of Syria? Genocide is happening. My Fellow Earth Mates, we as a civilized peoples are permitting Assad to make Genocide.
Please, back to the sounds. Besides the massive amount of frequent beeps, I have listened to what sounded like a John Deere tractor in my back yard. One of those huge sums-a-bitches that harvests the corn crops. At this instant, an orchestra of crickets play a symphony for only me to hear. Because I know there are not any crickets out of doors. And yes, I went to check and listen because this is so loud. I was afraid of an infestation of epic proportions. So feckin' loud!
Pain has been a factor this evening. Between my scalp and skull, my neck and down into my left shoulder and arm. These dreadful pain strikes are so painful. Cluster Ambushes. I have used my fingers and knuckles so much that my hands are sore and swollen. I swear I wish I could squeeze my fingers up and into this space so I could massage the very nerves that haunt me. Tonight, I had the spiders crawling all about the space between the scalp and skull. No worms.
Meniere's and it's dizziness is like a cap tightly worn about this bobble head of mine. Present and definitely pressing on me having an accident should I fail to conduct strict and purposeful walking. The balance and coordination has been off to this side and I have remained in doors today to keep safe. There was no active or productive nausea today, which is such a break. Yes, nausea has been with me today, but it appears that I was provided a brief respite from the nagging and gagging.
This evening while sitting with my dearest wife viewing television, I noticed at an extremely uncomfortable rate that my vision has been and continues to push the limits of my patience. I am awaiting change of year to receive new glasses. I am very curious to find out how much my prescription's have changed. I know it has changed - I just don't have the statistics in hand as to how much it has. Great Spirit? Please.
My Ma went blind. My Great Grandfather Luis also went blind. Sounds like genetics's. True?
I have nothing more to say. Good night.
Thursday, November 29, 2012
When The Hearing Stops, Life Stops
Relations,
When the hearing in my right ear comes to a stop - all of life as I know it comes to an immediate stop.
I stop whatever it is I am doing.
My train of thought and the processes of thinking are thrown totally off. So I stand and wait.
Or sit and wait.
Or I lay there and wait...
...and I listen to the silence. And wait.
I am exhausted from this crazy making.
I am troubled and I share that what troubles me so much is the not knowing.
Waiting and not knowing if my hearing will return.
What troubles me more and even more is that my doctor is not knowing. I reckon more than anything else, knowing that my doctor doesn't know what is creating these gaps and moments of silence, that seem to last forever, cuts to the white meat. When I go out of sound, I have noticed that I usually look around my environment. As if I am looking for my hearing. I don't know why. I have no reasonable way of responding presently to the "what ifs". For now, all I can do is enjoy the hearing I do have. Hope. Pray. And I wait.
The entirety of silence is all encompassing. I know this.
P.S. Meniere's Sucks!
When the hearing in my right ear comes to a stop - all of life as I know it comes to an immediate stop.
I stop whatever it is I am doing.
My train of thought and the processes of thinking are thrown totally off. So I stand and wait.
Or sit and wait.
Or I lay there and wait...
...and I listen to the silence. And wait.
I am exhausted from this crazy making.
I am troubled and I share that what troubles me so much is the not knowing.
Waiting and not knowing if my hearing will return.
What troubles me more and even more is that my doctor is not knowing. I reckon more than anything else, knowing that my doctor doesn't know what is creating these gaps and moments of silence, that seem to last forever, cuts to the white meat. When I go out of sound, I have noticed that I usually look around my environment. As if I am looking for my hearing. I don't know why. I have no reasonable way of responding presently to the "what ifs". For now, all I can do is enjoy the hearing I do have. Hope. Pray. And I wait.
The entirety of silence is all encompassing. I know this.
P.S. Meniere's Sucks!
I Wish You Knew
I have laid down to rest and slumber and have failed. The noises in my ears are so too loud and my mind seems to be running as fast as a Cheetah. Not spinning like Meniere's spinning but seemingly spinning my tires within. I try to calm myself and ease the thoughts and emotions that were so brilliantly stirred today. Seems as if I am still running on the energies rendered from such an awesome and productive day. My good-goodness, what an awesome and blessed day today was. Oh my dearest Kindred, I wish you knew how much I remember just too well how this was routine for me. Waking every morning looking forward to going to my fantastic job that wasn't a job with Starbucks Coffee Company, to connect with and take care of one another as we took care of our customers. God, knows how much I miss this being a part of my life. And really, I don't know so much anymore if Starbucks will have anything for me in my future. My future is something I have had to let go and let my God take the wheel. Best this way for me.
I wish you all could know how much I sorely miss the inter-actions with the people's of this World. Just how much I miss the hug of a member of my Kinfolk or Kindred or even the hug of a complete stranger. I give you my word based on experience that there is an exchange of energy when two humans connect in such a way. My Spirit's tell me this is good medicine. I need so much more of this medicine. I can remember the hugs, love and respect of so many, you see. This process that was started today is because of the commitment to my Business Plan, yes, but perhaps even more so to have me be provided an opportunity to serve my community once again. Please, Great One, in some capacity that may suit what it is that You, will for me, my family and my future as an active member of society. As it is your Will, not mine.
It is my business to take care of my health. It is my business to take care of mind, body and Spirit's and it surly is my business to be as motivated as I have been for so many years of my life. To thrive. To learn. To love. These past few years of exile have been difficult and I know that I am not "all systems clear" and may never be for all I know, but let me share this with you, my reader, I speak often of pushing that proverbial envelope and pushing it as far and as hard as I might muster....
...I'll never know how too far is until I get there. In the mean time, I have this business plan to work. Seriously, I wish you knew.
I have nothing else to say.
I wish you all could know how much I sorely miss the inter-actions with the people's of this World. Just how much I miss the hug of a member of my Kinfolk or Kindred or even the hug of a complete stranger. I give you my word based on experience that there is an exchange of energy when two humans connect in such a way. My Spirit's tell me this is good medicine. I need so much more of this medicine. I can remember the hugs, love and respect of so many, you see. This process that was started today is because of the commitment to my Business Plan, yes, but perhaps even more so to have me be provided an opportunity to serve my community once again. Please, Great One, in some capacity that may suit what it is that You, will for me, my family and my future as an active member of society. As it is your Will, not mine.
It is my business to take care of my health. It is my business to take care of mind, body and Spirit's and it surly is my business to be as motivated as I have been for so many years of my life. To thrive. To learn. To love. These past few years of exile have been difficult and I know that I am not "all systems clear" and may never be for all I know, but let me share this with you, my reader, I speak often of pushing that proverbial envelope and pushing it as far and as hard as I might muster....
...I'll never know how too far is until I get there. In the mean time, I have this business plan to work. Seriously, I wish you knew.
I have nothing else to say.
Wednesday, November 28, 2012
My Meeting & Meniere's
I was just sitting here in the quiet of night - the only sounds being the swoosh of the ceiling fan and the little frogs out back. I know they're little because I've seen them. They're actually a tiny species of tree frog, so cute they are. That's what I am listening to for real - as in with my right hearing ear. My left deaf ear on the other hand has the Everglades in the middle of the night on a Full Moon, with every cricket, gator, frog and night fowl making an awful bunch of noise. Too late for this stuff I tell ya!.
I was taking an inventory of self and how I approached the planned gathering earlier today, the drivers that transported me to and from, the Folks at the Department of Education and Vocational Rehab, fellow passengers on my Little Blue Bus and all of my fellow citizens who crossed my path today. I made the intention to greet every person that did cross my path and what awesomeness it was! I do wish to once again say that the gathering went very well between Miss. Ma'am and I. As the day has passed there are a couple of things that I remembered now to ask about then. Just like me too. For Pete's sake.
I wish to share now how it was physiologically for me while having this exchange...
...the Neurological pains intensified and stuck with severity many times in the hour I was with my counselor. The nausea remained at the base of my throat and there were a couple of times I burped silently trying like mad to keep the bile down. I ate no breakfast, so other than the medications, there was nothing but water in my stomach. Even on an empty stomach the nausea whips it up something awful. There was a moment when I thought I was on the verge of an attack because the state of my dizziness had fluctuated. By God's Grace, I did not vomit nor have an attack. I was so concerned and thought of what a dreadful impression that would have made. I did have two fumbles but was able to recover from them fairly well and was able to maintain dignity. The pains on the left side of my skull became bothersome and did distract me at times. Spiders and worms came along for some sight seeing and to play with my damned emotions. It was so uncomfortable at times - damned issues I swear. I adjusted the seat in which I sat so that I could face my counselor - the better to hear her voice and see her lips and then, even with this there were a couple/few misunderstandings. My Kindred, I just wanted to share my observations with you and all-in-all, I believe I was able to keep a happy and smiling face on this bobble head.
Today was an awesome day to be alive. I have nothing more to say.
I was taking an inventory of self and how I approached the planned gathering earlier today, the drivers that transported me to and from, the Folks at the Department of Education and Vocational Rehab, fellow passengers on my Little Blue Bus and all of my fellow citizens who crossed my path today. I made the intention to greet every person that did cross my path and what awesomeness it was! I do wish to once again say that the gathering went very well between Miss. Ma'am and I. As the day has passed there are a couple of things that I remembered now to ask about then. Just like me too. For Pete's sake.
I wish to share now how it was physiologically for me while having this exchange...
...the Neurological pains intensified and stuck with severity many times in the hour I was with my counselor. The nausea remained at the base of my throat and there were a couple of times I burped silently trying like mad to keep the bile down. I ate no breakfast, so other than the medications, there was nothing but water in my stomach. Even on an empty stomach the nausea whips it up something awful. There was a moment when I thought I was on the verge of an attack because the state of my dizziness had fluctuated. By God's Grace, I did not vomit nor have an attack. I was so concerned and thought of what a dreadful impression that would have made. I did have two fumbles but was able to recover from them fairly well and was able to maintain dignity. The pains on the left side of my skull became bothersome and did distract me at times. Spiders and worms came along for some sight seeing and to play with my damned emotions. It was so uncomfortable at times - damned issues I swear. I adjusted the seat in which I sat so that I could face my counselor - the better to hear her voice and see her lips and then, even with this there were a couple/few misunderstandings. My Kindred, I just wanted to share my observations with you and all-in-all, I believe I was able to keep a happy and smiling face on this bobble head.
Today was an awesome day to be alive. I have nothing more to say.
K.D. Lang sings Leonard Cohen's Hallelujah
This is dedicated to every person on the face of Earth Mother. All of whom are considered my Brother's and my Sister's. To the best of my knowledge I have no enemy. Even if I did, this would also be dedicated to them.
No Exemptions - No Exception's.
This is an open invitation to every person on the face of our planet to know that there are still many of us out here who care, who pray and who love all Human Kind. Our furry, feathered and swimming cousins are also included. I have nothing to gain by sending out this communique - I simply wish to share such an awesome rendition of such a beautiful song, sung by such a beautiful Woman. And how powerful this is indeed. Enjoy!
May the One God, Bless Us All.
Hallelujah
Amazing Gathering At The Dept. Of Education
Greetings to all Relations!
Am home just a bit over an hour since getting back from my trip about town and my visit with the Department of Education's, Vocational Rehab. Today was Step One of what looks like a process of many steps in my future. I am okay with this process and informed the young lady during our gathering of same. Speaking of which, when she provided me an opportunity to back out of what we were doing, I was somewhat taken aback. I mean, it's not like I wanted to waste her time. Neither did I wish to waste my time. Then I gave her an idea of the Business Plan I have created for the advancement of my Better State of Health, Mind, Body and Spirit's.
I may have alters, but Folks, I say,"we're all on the same page".
One factor that caught my attention was how surprised Miss. Ma'am was with my preparation for our gathering. Apparently a large majority of Folks who come for their gatherings are ill prepared, not prepared at all or come in late. All for something that I thought was and is an important step in my life's journey. My Path's direction. Um, yes, this was probably more than an important step for me - this stuff right here is legendary! I don't mean to boast, but Folk's please, I saw folks there in Bermuda shorts, denim and T-shirts. At first I thought, wait one minute. So I did and considered real quick if I was in the correct place or if I had made some sort of error in judgement with initiating contact. Then just as real quick like and after taking one step back I accepted that it was really none of my business. Their agenda's are theirs, not mine. I also noticed though, that I was assigned and had my own counselor, while the quad of them were removed by one person.
Any way, the entire face-to-face was an experience I will not soon forget. In approximately one hour Miss. Ma'am knows me better than many-a-folk. I am now actively in "the system". In computer and on paper. Seems as if I apply time and time again for that position with the F.B.I. There is always so much papers and documents. Let me share this, even with our gathering completed, all documents and forms filled and completed - I still am provided the decision making, as far as the direction I take. If and when my health should become an issue, we will cross that bridge should we have to. She did share that there is a stipulation that if I am too gimpy I could be disqualified. Shit, I know I'm a gimp, but surely not that bleeding gimpy. Please Great Spirit.
There's a couple of site's for me to take a look and see and I brought home pamphlets and other reading materials to review. Per the request of the Department of Education, this step includes a request for active participation by the client. Well Honey's, these Folk's simply have no idea what an active participator they have on their hands effective this afternoon. Can I get an Amen? Alright then.
I am honored and am humbled by the business conducted today. I crossed paths with so many people I couldn't begin to estimate the numbers. I realized some Life Lesson's today and had so many ah-huh moments that my Spirit's are full. Yes. My heart is full. Blessed.
Am home just a bit over an hour since getting back from my trip about town and my visit with the Department of Education's, Vocational Rehab. Today was Step One of what looks like a process of many steps in my future. I am okay with this process and informed the young lady during our gathering of same. Speaking of which, when she provided me an opportunity to back out of what we were doing, I was somewhat taken aback. I mean, it's not like I wanted to waste her time. Neither did I wish to waste my time. Then I gave her an idea of the Business Plan I have created for the advancement of my Better State of Health, Mind, Body and Spirit's.
I may have alters, but Folks, I say,"we're all on the same page".
One factor that caught my attention was how surprised Miss. Ma'am was with my preparation for our gathering. Apparently a large majority of Folks who come for their gatherings are ill prepared, not prepared at all or come in late. All for something that I thought was and is an important step in my life's journey. My Path's direction. Um, yes, this was probably more than an important step for me - this stuff right here is legendary! I don't mean to boast, but Folk's please, I saw folks there in Bermuda shorts, denim and T-shirts. At first I thought, wait one minute. So I did and considered real quick if I was in the correct place or if I had made some sort of error in judgement with initiating contact. Then just as real quick like and after taking one step back I accepted that it was really none of my business. Their agenda's are theirs, not mine. I also noticed though, that I was assigned and had my own counselor, while the quad of them were removed by one person.
Any way, the entire face-to-face was an experience I will not soon forget. In approximately one hour Miss. Ma'am knows me better than many-a-folk. I am now actively in "the system". In computer and on paper. Seems as if I apply time and time again for that position with the F.B.I. There is always so much papers and documents. Let me share this, even with our gathering completed, all documents and forms filled and completed - I still am provided the decision making, as far as the direction I take. If and when my health should become an issue, we will cross that bridge should we have to. She did share that there is a stipulation that if I am too gimpy I could be disqualified. Shit, I know I'm a gimp, but surely not that bleeding gimpy. Please Great Spirit.
There's a couple of site's for me to take a look and see and I brought home pamphlets and other reading materials to review. Per the request of the Department of Education, this step includes a request for active participation by the client. Well Honey's, these Folk's simply have no idea what an active participator they have on their hands effective this afternoon. Can I get an Amen? Alright then.
I am honored and am humbled by the business conducted today. I crossed paths with so many people I couldn't begin to estimate the numbers. I realized some Life Lesson's today and had so many ah-huh moments that my Spirit's are full. Yes. My heart is full. Blessed.
Meeting With Dept. Of Education, Today 28.11.2012
Relations,
A quick note to report that today is the day I meet with Florida's Department of Education. I have all of my forms and documents set aside. I am dressed rather handsomely and am prepared.
This morning's Meniere's Disease has me in a peculiar spot, as I am not feeling 100% due to the nausea, perspiration and dizziness. The nausea is at the base of my throat and I feel as if I have had a few sips of cheap wine. I am truly trying not to feel so damned unpleasant. It's those damned post Meniere's attack symptoms that tag along for days. But, today? I do say that I am actually trying my best to psych myself out because on any other day my bumper would be in bed sleeping this Meniere's into a different place. My stomach is ill and upset atop the nausea. A savage case of the liquid bowel movements is giving me a run. Well, well, now I know how the expression was created. I speculate this may have something to do with the anticipation that has steadily developed since this appointment was coordinated back early in the month. Today, 28 November 2012, I feel as if I'm just about to burst. Maybe all of this is a bit more than anticipatory - I am nervous as all get out. I really don't want to be nervous, but my Kindred, there have been so many rejections this year that I am afraid of another.
I do look forward to this Road Trip across this large county of Hillsbourgh. I hope my driver takes a scenic route. It would be nice to get me out and about for a few before my appointment. It would do my mind and body good, no doubt. I really ought to settle myself down a bit and will stop ti-tapping for a moment or two of deep breathes. Hold on one moment...
...yes, this is what I needed. Some deep cleansing breathes. The Great One, knows I have had some deep cleansing of the colon a while ago. I mean.
I have run out of the punch hole transportation passes. Oh yes, the Mass Transit System has come up with a brilliant idea of issuing printed certificates to receive this transport. I think the idea is brilliant and would have loved to had been the person to come up with the idea. Bonus! I have not yet purchased these for my transport and am anxious about that, but will pay the chauffeur in dollar coins. Four dollars each way, which covers from where I reside in the West county, clear across to the East side of Tampa. This program is an awesome privilege for me and I know this every time I call to coordinate transport. Speaking of which, I expect the chauffeur within the half hour, so I bid one and all an excellent day.
A quick note to report that today is the day I meet with Florida's Department of Education. I have all of my forms and documents set aside. I am dressed rather handsomely and am prepared.
This morning's Meniere's Disease has me in a peculiar spot, as I am not feeling 100% due to the nausea, perspiration and dizziness. The nausea is at the base of my throat and I feel as if I have had a few sips of cheap wine. I am truly trying not to feel so damned unpleasant. It's those damned post Meniere's attack symptoms that tag along for days. But, today? I do say that I am actually trying my best to psych myself out because on any other day my bumper would be in bed sleeping this Meniere's into a different place. My stomach is ill and upset atop the nausea. A savage case of the liquid bowel movements is giving me a run. Well, well, now I know how the expression was created. I speculate this may have something to do with the anticipation that has steadily developed since this appointment was coordinated back early in the month. Today, 28 November 2012, I feel as if I'm just about to burst. Maybe all of this is a bit more than anticipatory - I am nervous as all get out. I really don't want to be nervous, but my Kindred, there have been so many rejections this year that I am afraid of another.
I do look forward to this Road Trip across this large county of Hillsbourgh. I hope my driver takes a scenic route. It would be nice to get me out and about for a few before my appointment. It would do my mind and body good, no doubt. I really ought to settle myself down a bit and will stop ti-tapping for a moment or two of deep breathes. Hold on one moment...
...yes, this is what I needed. Some deep cleansing breathes. The Great One, knows I have had some deep cleansing of the colon a while ago. I mean.
I have run out of the punch hole transportation passes. Oh yes, the Mass Transit System has come up with a brilliant idea of issuing printed certificates to receive this transport. I think the idea is brilliant and would have loved to had been the person to come up with the idea. Bonus! I have not yet purchased these for my transport and am anxious about that, but will pay the chauffeur in dollar coins. Four dollars each way, which covers from where I reside in the West county, clear across to the East side of Tampa. This program is an awesome privilege for me and I know this every time I call to coordinate transport. Speaking of which, I expect the chauffeur within the half hour, so I bid one and all an excellent day.
Tuesday, November 27, 2012
Hold It, Let Me Express Myself
Let me share a few things about this post attack scene I've lived the past couple of days. I was successful in waiting until the dark of night yesterday to retire to my safe place. Today, has been a different blood type of day, so I ended up sleeping for a few hours earlier this today. There was an utmost need to remove myself from the "World of The Awake". The noise and sounds within have driven me to the point of wanting to choke myself with the vomit that lies in wait immediately below my Adams apple. I have felt tipsy for a good chunk of the day, it's one of the reasons I took the sleep. Hold it, you see, to be tipsy and have not a lick-of-liquor in the system just doesn't make an ounce of Southern Comfort sense where I come from. Oh yes, the sounds. Earlier, I was sitting here at the desk having a face-to-face via Scalp with my Eldest Child in a land far and far away, listening to some Fleetwood Mac and my dear Stevie Nicks singing a Capella, when I heard a Man's deep voice behind my right shoulder. I heard what he said. As clear as crystal and I didn't even budge. It was at first a start, yes, but a start in the brains. My thought process and body didn't react or respond the way I might have in the past. I explain, my reactions are based on the severity and or loudness of the sound and or noise I hear or think I heard. In this case, Mr. Man, and no I do not wish to repeat what I heard. I am also aware this was in fact but one incident, and it is with all my energies I acknowledge this step forward. I will pray and contemplate on the subject and that with time the reflex to naturally react will calm, be more at ease. Too many of all of you forget that I have seen each one of you react to a fright or startle. Seen.
Hold it and let me express myself one minute. It wasn't that too long ago that I had Kinfolk and Kindred, my Relations, literally reprimand me in the public view's for this, my natural response to a loud, odd and or sudden unfamiliar sound/noise/voice. Let me say this, I know there has been a healing process with the whole Single Side Deaf thing and heck yes, I know that even with my BAHA in, there is still a hearing that is not the hearing I had when I could creep up on Kin and pull a coup and or keep a creep from creeping up on me. Seen. We, who can hear, are born with and have two hearing portals to the brain's when born. Let me now share this based on experience. All shit and EVERYTHING else changes with the loss of sound or hearing! Fuck around and lose your balance on one side of your brilliant minds! YOU, my loving family members, YOU my dearest 'friends' are the one's with these brilliant minds and it is because I know that you all are in fact brilliant, that I wish to simply ask you, to each and every one just please kindly kiss my whole Southern ass. With all of the ever lovin' respect I can muster, I mean that expression from my heart. I mean, hold it this thought and let me express myself, don't you donkey's know what you did and have done with me and to my emotions? My Ego? Imagine? To be reprimanded by you all "out loud"? What? Naw Boo! Let me continue to work on these issues of mine. This journey has been a mind trip, you know? Bullshit! You don't know! If you did, you wouldn't have screamed at me in public. You know who you are - I don't need to mention names. I'm just expressing myself. What the feck?
Hold it! I know I just recently brought this up, but while I'm expressing myself, let me remind all Kinfolk and Kindred, unless you know American Sign Language and wish to teach me or enhance my non hearing/hearing experience - leave your fake ASL in the car or truck. This same expression includes the all of you who think it is so funny asking whether I pick up Sirius or not. Seriously?
Relations, I share with all of you now that them I cross paths with in the supermarkets, department stores and generally those I meet in public are so very much more welcoming and respectful to me. Wait! I did just recently have the manager at Winn-Dixie Supermarket take a few steps back when he say the BAHA protruding from the left side of my indented bobble head. But, you want to know what? His reaction may have troubled me for all of a moment or a couple. I remember laughing about it on my way home. Yes, I see Folks looking and seeing something they may have never seen before. Yes, there are still the gawkers, but I take that on a per case basis. Dig? I am more at ease and peace with them who are the total stranger's who cross My Path. It's too many of you, my Kinfolk and Kindred, who have not provided me the opportunity to heal in a natural state and process. It is these very One's who oddly (?) enough don't even read this blog - my words...
...it is your silence and it is your division that lets me know which way is up for you and your crew. I am still learning how to say good-bye and am still learning how to let things loose. Seen.
Hold it! Let me express myself. Yes, I speak of the topic from time to time, but who the hell would think that "love" would need a hand? When one says I love you - some rather huge words, you see. When I say them, these words come from deep within, because "I" do not not take these words very fecken lightly. Too many around me drop these words not knowing they pierce my inner self. I love Folk and I love it when Folk love me - but, damn it, let us clarify.
I have learned many an important Life Lesson during these very short few years. One of the most important in my mind and Spirit is learning and seeing just who my Kindred and Kinfolk really, really are. I mean? Really?
Hold it! Let me express myself about this Meniere's Disease. It's Meniere's Attacks and it's pre and post symptoms that become a part of my life. It is a Life of Uncertainty's. I ask for help and am mocked or ridiculed, by Kinfolk, Kindred and this White Man's Government. I am what I am and what has happened to me, is me. But I am still me.
For Fucks sake! Can't you see I'm only trying to express myself?
Hold it and let me express myself one minute. It wasn't that too long ago that I had Kinfolk and Kindred, my Relations, literally reprimand me in the public view's for this, my natural response to a loud, odd and or sudden unfamiliar sound/noise/voice. Let me say this, I know there has been a healing process with the whole Single Side Deaf thing and heck yes, I know that even with my BAHA in, there is still a hearing that is not the hearing I had when I could creep up on Kin and pull a coup and or keep a creep from creeping up on me. Seen. We, who can hear, are born with and have two hearing portals to the brain's when born. Let me now share this based on experience. All shit and EVERYTHING else changes with the loss of sound or hearing! Fuck around and lose your balance on one side of your brilliant minds! YOU, my loving family members, YOU my dearest 'friends' are the one's with these brilliant minds and it is because I know that you all are in fact brilliant, that I wish to simply ask you, to each and every one just please kindly kiss my whole Southern ass. With all of the ever lovin' respect I can muster, I mean that expression from my heart. I mean, hold it this thought and let me express myself, don't you donkey's know what you did and have done with me and to my emotions? My Ego? Imagine? To be reprimanded by you all "out loud"? What? Naw Boo! Let me continue to work on these issues of mine. This journey has been a mind trip, you know? Bullshit! You don't know! If you did, you wouldn't have screamed at me in public. You know who you are - I don't need to mention names. I'm just expressing myself. What the feck?
Hold it! I know I just recently brought this up, but while I'm expressing myself, let me remind all Kinfolk and Kindred, unless you know American Sign Language and wish to teach me or enhance my non hearing/hearing experience - leave your fake ASL in the car or truck. This same expression includes the all of you who think it is so funny asking whether I pick up Sirius or not. Seriously?
Relations, I share with all of you now that them I cross paths with in the supermarkets, department stores and generally those I meet in public are so very much more welcoming and respectful to me. Wait! I did just recently have the manager at Winn-Dixie Supermarket take a few steps back when he say the BAHA protruding from the left side of my indented bobble head. But, you want to know what? His reaction may have troubled me for all of a moment or a couple. I remember laughing about it on my way home. Yes, I see Folks looking and seeing something they may have never seen before. Yes, there are still the gawkers, but I take that on a per case basis. Dig? I am more at ease and peace with them who are the total stranger's who cross My Path. It's too many of you, my Kinfolk and Kindred, who have not provided me the opportunity to heal in a natural state and process. It is these very One's who oddly (?) enough don't even read this blog - my words...
...it is your silence and it is your division that lets me know which way is up for you and your crew. I am still learning how to say good-bye and am still learning how to let things loose. Seen.
Hold it! Let me express myself. Yes, I speak of the topic from time to time, but who the hell would think that "love" would need a hand? When one says I love you - some rather huge words, you see. When I say them, these words come from deep within, because "I" do not not take these words very fecken lightly. Too many around me drop these words not knowing they pierce my inner self. I love Folk and I love it when Folk love me - but, damn it, let us clarify.
I have learned many an important Life Lesson during these very short few years. One of the most important in my mind and Spirit is learning and seeing just who my Kindred and Kinfolk really, really are. I mean? Really?
Hold it! Let me express myself about this Meniere's Disease. It's Meniere's Attacks and it's pre and post symptoms that become a part of my life. It is a Life of Uncertainty's. I ask for help and am mocked or ridiculed, by Kinfolk, Kindred and this White Man's Government. I am what I am and what has happened to me, is me. But I am still me.
For Fucks sake! Can't you see I'm only trying to express myself?
Monday, November 26, 2012
Hello? Yes, This Is Pearl
Seems as if I want to create a message that will express the way it is I feel and the way it is I live.
Also, it seems as if I just can't kick this damned unpretty thing from my shoulders. I have carried this negativity since Friday evening when I had the Meniere's attack. Yes, this does happen from time-to-time post attack, but what am I to do? I get upset and I get blue.
I am compelled to report that an alter I have not heard of since the mid 1980's, has all-of-a-damned-sudden decided to bring herself back into my daily life style. Her name is Pearl. She is drop dead gorgeous, smokes cigarettes, drinks Jack Daniels, is Black and is always wanting to start a fight with somebody. Dammit Pearl. it's not as if I needed more stress in life! Dammit...
...honestly, I had forgotten about Pearl and Pearl, Honey I am so sorry, it was as if you just went away. One day we were arguing and the next day you were gone. Why do you have to be so damned angry all the time is what my baby daughter would ask you, Pearl? You so ratchet!
Pearl has a way of making me feel unpretty and this bitch knows this. She is always harsh on me and always puts me in the position to make me feel so damned unpretty. I lose a tub full of lard and she don't say shit to me! I exercise for all of us and Pearl, shows no damned appreciation.
Hell, yes, I am pissed! IMMA pissed at all of you motherfucker's! To all of you who must insist on asking me if I really hear the sounds and noises? Well, why the fuck yes, I hear and listen to a world of sounds and noises! WTF?! And yes, the fucking voices from time-to-time too! This shit is Meniere's Disease, Yo! IMMA not like psycho or MENTAL! Emotional, YES! I mean, Yo? What the fuck would you do if you had to wear my motherfucken shoes! I wish to say "fuck you" to all of the Folk's who still play "American Sign language" games - this shit ain't funny Fool! And hell motherfucken, NO do I pick up HBO or any fucken satellite - you dumb-fucken-donkey! Well, why the fuck yes, I do have issues. What about accepting me and no fucken lieing. Alright?
Love All You Motherfucker's, Pearl
Also, it seems as if I just can't kick this damned unpretty thing from my shoulders. I have carried this negativity since Friday evening when I had the Meniere's attack. Yes, this does happen from time-to-time post attack, but what am I to do? I get upset and I get blue.
I am compelled to report that an alter I have not heard of since the mid 1980's, has all-of-a-damned-sudden decided to bring herself back into my daily life style. Her name is Pearl. She is drop dead gorgeous, smokes cigarettes, drinks Jack Daniels, is Black and is always wanting to start a fight with somebody. Dammit Pearl. it's not as if I needed more stress in life! Dammit...
...honestly, I had forgotten about Pearl and Pearl, Honey I am so sorry, it was as if you just went away. One day we were arguing and the next day you were gone. Why do you have to be so damned angry all the time is what my baby daughter would ask you, Pearl? You so ratchet!
Pearl has a way of making me feel unpretty and this bitch knows this. She is always harsh on me and always puts me in the position to make me feel so damned unpretty. I lose a tub full of lard and she don't say shit to me! I exercise for all of us and Pearl, shows no damned appreciation.
Hell, yes, I am pissed! IMMA pissed at all of you motherfucker's! To all of you who must insist on asking me if I really hear the sounds and noises? Well, why the fuck yes, I hear and listen to a world of sounds and noises! WTF?! And yes, the fucking voices from time-to-time too! This shit is Meniere's Disease, Yo! IMMA not like psycho or MENTAL! Emotional, YES! I mean, Yo? What the fuck would you do if you had to wear my motherfucken shoes! I wish to say "fuck you" to all of the Folk's who still play "American Sign language" games - this shit ain't funny Fool! And hell motherfucken, NO do I pick up HBO or any fucken satellite - you dumb-fucken-donkey! Well, why the fuck yes, I do have issues. What about accepting me and no fucken lieing. Alright?
Love All You Motherfucker's, Pearl
Meniere's Attack and Post Attack Symptoms And Life
I have just heard what the new rubbish truck sounds like when in reverse. No, it doesn't sound like the old beep-beep-beep, this sound is a sort of computerized noise and I pray at this instant that I should never-ever inherit this new sound of the rubbish truck. I mean...
...let me, I and I go ahead and keep the beeps.
Just minutes ago I was able to hear the voice of the Vocational Counselor at the Department of Education. For me, it was the correct thing to call and explain that it was necessary for me to have a window within which I could coordinate transport to our meeting. My Counselor's voice is peaceful and her optimisms that something will be worked out for me is an extraordinary sensation in Spirit. The coordination of transportation with our local Mass Transit System's, HARTPlus for my trip has been reserved. I will finally have the opportunity to meet my counselor with the Department Of Education, her face to my face. I am so excited I can hardly express it! Yes!
Unfortunately, this past Friday, late evening I was unpleasantly surprised by a Meniere's attack. It struck with such a force and without symptom. All I could do was lay down in my safe place. This attack lingered for about one hour and one half. The spinning and gagging and the loneliness that comes with these attacks. So I fight to sleep. And sleep and have slept close to fifty hours since. Woke up this morning simply to return minutes later. I am awake and will not retire until the night. The post Meniere's attack symptoms I have had, have been utterly disgusting. From the nausea, the productive nausea, gagging and burping, the uncontrolled sweating and states of dizziness that just don't seem possible. Not all of this shit coming from with-in my own brains and a body so too young. The hearing piece has been way high and or too low - thing's have either been so loud or please somebody, turn your voice up an octave or two. I have had too many near falls, although I say, I have had three falling forward and head butt the wall in both of our latrines and a head butt of the windows next to my bed. The pictures in my head are so unpretty...
...oh, please, I feel so damned unpretty today.
I had to call He-Who-Touched-My-Brain, this weekend. I called him because and pertaining to the horrible pains in my right ear, right neck and shoulder. This pain only felt as if somebody was inserting a rigid catheter into my body from my right ear hole. Hell, yes this makes me want to curse up something awful. The pain inexpressible! My Good Doctor, suspects that this may have something to do with the cervical spine issues. I made mention to doctor that the severity of pain was so bad and how I had considered a dash to the emergency department. The Wise One, brought up the fact that all I would've been provided would've been pain medicine. Feck, I am so far beyond this whole injections, capsules, pills, intravenous medicine and tablets that I am very truly at my wits end! He-Who-Touched-My-Brain, knows I am over medication's. I have known too long a time just how over it I have been. Yes, I eat them and eat each and every one as directed. I understand that this is all a part of the formula to get me to where I want to be with my, "Better Health, Mind, Body and Spirit's". It's all part of the plan.
The sounds and noises have been horrendous. No examples today - though I am listening to crickets, cicadas and bugs of the night in my deaf left ear at this very instant. The activity of the spiders and worms between my scalp and skull have increased. Maybe the cold weather fooled them too.
I recently received my Harris Communications catalog. This company offers solutions for all levels of Hearing Loss. These folks have the equipment that would enhance positively my day-to-day life, but for me this is but a "wish list" type of book. The tools are exceptional. Who knows, maybe someday. But for now, it might as well have been a Neiman Marcus' Christmas catalog.
A few pounds have been gained over the past several days. I feel bloated and think that I can see the four and one half pounds I gained. My heart skips a beat when I think about this. There hasn't been much exercise lately and not much walking either. Yes, I am blue and dealing with it too. I battle the bad dreams and do with them the most I can...
...on a positive note there has been some really awesome synchronises going on in my life. I enjoy moving with this energy and see where it is this leads me to. I am excited about this too.
I just hate to feel so damned unpretty.
...let me, I and I go ahead and keep the beeps.
Just minutes ago I was able to hear the voice of the Vocational Counselor at the Department of Education. For me, it was the correct thing to call and explain that it was necessary for me to have a window within which I could coordinate transport to our meeting. My Counselor's voice is peaceful and her optimisms that something will be worked out for me is an extraordinary sensation in Spirit. The coordination of transportation with our local Mass Transit System's, HARTPlus for my trip has been reserved. I will finally have the opportunity to meet my counselor with the Department Of Education, her face to my face. I am so excited I can hardly express it! Yes!
Unfortunately, this past Friday, late evening I was unpleasantly surprised by a Meniere's attack. It struck with such a force and without symptom. All I could do was lay down in my safe place. This attack lingered for about one hour and one half. The spinning and gagging and the loneliness that comes with these attacks. So I fight to sleep. And sleep and have slept close to fifty hours since. Woke up this morning simply to return minutes later. I am awake and will not retire until the night. The post Meniere's attack symptoms I have had, have been utterly disgusting. From the nausea, the productive nausea, gagging and burping, the uncontrolled sweating and states of dizziness that just don't seem possible. Not all of this shit coming from with-in my own brains and a body so too young. The hearing piece has been way high and or too low - thing's have either been so loud or please somebody, turn your voice up an octave or two. I have had too many near falls, although I say, I have had three falling forward and head butt the wall in both of our latrines and a head butt of the windows next to my bed. The pictures in my head are so unpretty...
...oh, please, I feel so damned unpretty today.
I had to call He-Who-Touched-My-Brain, this weekend. I called him because and pertaining to the horrible pains in my right ear, right neck and shoulder. This pain only felt as if somebody was inserting a rigid catheter into my body from my right ear hole. Hell, yes this makes me want to curse up something awful. The pain inexpressible! My Good Doctor, suspects that this may have something to do with the cervical spine issues. I made mention to doctor that the severity of pain was so bad and how I had considered a dash to the emergency department. The Wise One, brought up the fact that all I would've been provided would've been pain medicine. Feck, I am so far beyond this whole injections, capsules, pills, intravenous medicine and tablets that I am very truly at my wits end! He-Who-Touched-My-Brain, knows I am over medication's. I have known too long a time just how over it I have been. Yes, I eat them and eat each and every one as directed. I understand that this is all a part of the formula to get me to where I want to be with my, "Better Health, Mind, Body and Spirit's". It's all part of the plan.
The sounds and noises have been horrendous. No examples today - though I am listening to crickets, cicadas and bugs of the night in my deaf left ear at this very instant. The activity of the spiders and worms between my scalp and skull have increased. Maybe the cold weather fooled them too.
I recently received my Harris Communications catalog. This company offers solutions for all levels of Hearing Loss. These folks have the equipment that would enhance positively my day-to-day life, but for me this is but a "wish list" type of book. The tools are exceptional. Who knows, maybe someday. But for now, it might as well have been a Neiman Marcus' Christmas catalog.
A few pounds have been gained over the past several days. I feel bloated and think that I can see the four and one half pounds I gained. My heart skips a beat when I think about this. There hasn't been much exercise lately and not much walking either. Yes, I am blue and dealing with it too. I battle the bad dreams and do with them the most I can...
...on a positive note there has been some really awesome synchronises going on in my life. I enjoy moving with this energy and see where it is this leads me to. I am excited about this too.
I just hate to feel so damned unpretty.
Friday, November 23, 2012
Meniere's, Migraines and The Cervical Spine
It will soon be 1330, this fine Friday Florida afternoon. I awoke at a causal time this morning and waited in bed for the hearing in my right ear to catch up with the rest of me. My dear good doctor, seems to have zeroed in on a diagnosis of Migraines. I respect this diagnosis and his decision to refer me to a different Neurologist. A professor from the University of South Florida. In my Spirit's, if He-Who-Touched-My-Brain, says so, well then, it is so...
...doctor's assistant is coordinating and expediting an appointment for me with her. I will call the telephone number to her practice come Monday morning to find location of same.
The appointment I had with doctor on Wednesday had me a bit disappointed in a few aspects of the battle plan. I swear, I was hoping it would be He-Who-Touched-My-Brain to do any surgery on my neck in the near future. These cervical spine issues too intermingle with these diagnosis of Meniere's Disease, and Migraines. All too well, and I really wonder at this moment, could some of these very symptoms be related to the cervical spine. I reckon we'll soon find out. Please God. I am positive not too many Folk might understand what all-of-this feels like and what it is my body and I go through every day. I do and this is why I continue to pursue what I believe to be the enemy within this skin. These and those things that have wrecked a working Man's life - with wife, Kinfolk, Job, money and all of the savings that we have had to use to supplement our inadequate income coming into our business. Our home and health is our business...
...being sickly has changed so much and it is the salt added to the wound that stings so bad. The taste of salt lingers after we are required to utilize financial matters that were meant for our later years. This hurts a Man's Heart and affects so much of my mind and day-to-day. It hurts me to see my dear wife worry and stress, it hurts to see her work so hard. When she works the over time which taxes my dear''s body.
My Great Spirit, please Bless my wife and children. Please, Bless He-Who-Touched-My-Brain, his wonderful clinic ad them who work there. I truly love you all more than my words can express.
God Bless America and please Bless the people's of Syria and them who are my Relation there. God, please Bless our Men and Women in uniform across the other side of Earth Mother.
Christmas may be on a strict and slim way this year and gifts unlike years before too will be strict and practical, but the one thing these illness won't take away is my love for the holiday and what it represents. The Birth of Jesus Christ, and oh, I am eager to celebrate His birthday!
Love, peace and more peace, me
...doctor's assistant is coordinating and expediting an appointment for me with her. I will call the telephone number to her practice come Monday morning to find location of same.
The appointment I had with doctor on Wednesday had me a bit disappointed in a few aspects of the battle plan. I swear, I was hoping it would be He-Who-Touched-My-Brain to do any surgery on my neck in the near future. These cervical spine issues too intermingle with these diagnosis of Meniere's Disease, and Migraines. All too well, and I really wonder at this moment, could some of these very symptoms be related to the cervical spine. I reckon we'll soon find out. Please God. I am positive not too many Folk might understand what all-of-this feels like and what it is my body and I go through every day. I do and this is why I continue to pursue what I believe to be the enemy within this skin. These and those things that have wrecked a working Man's life - with wife, Kinfolk, Job, money and all of the savings that we have had to use to supplement our inadequate income coming into our business. Our home and health is our business...
...being sickly has changed so much and it is the salt added to the wound that stings so bad. The taste of salt lingers after we are required to utilize financial matters that were meant for our later years. This hurts a Man's Heart and affects so much of my mind and day-to-day. It hurts me to see my dear wife worry and stress, it hurts to see her work so hard. When she works the over time which taxes my dear''s body.
My Great Spirit, please Bless my wife and children. Please, Bless He-Who-Touched-My-Brain, his wonderful clinic ad them who work there. I truly love you all more than my words can express.
God Bless America and please Bless the people's of Syria and them who are my Relation there. God, please Bless our Men and Women in uniform across the other side of Earth Mother.
Christmas may be on a strict and slim way this year and gifts unlike years before too will be strict and practical, but the one thing these illness won't take away is my love for the holiday and what it represents. The Birth of Jesus Christ, and oh, I am eager to celebrate His birthday!
Love, peace and more peace, me
Wednesday, November 21, 2012
If The One God Asked Me
If The One God Himself, were to come to me and to take me aside and ask, "My Son, why is this secret so deep you keep it fragily locked and tucked away within your very Soul? Why is it Kindred One, you sometimes forget to breathe and Talk To Me? What is it about this secret so important you place this atop and above your own well state of mind?"...
...I think about my own state of health and this period in My Path. Too many positives going on to displace the energy of negativity. The force of bleak and utter gloom is combat. Seen. I know how to express what these tings smell like. Yes. Yes, and the feeling on my skin too or the extra pump in my pulse that permit me to express in sublime expression what the fuck it feels like to be in the Gloom. Abused. I am able to explain how and what it feels like to have worms and spiders scatter about between my scalp and skull. Dem fecking pains in my skull! So crazy, so sick.
I saw He-Who-Touched-My-Brain today. My doctor and I have agreed to take this one step further and out of the box by taking this to another Neurologist. I am being provided an expedited talk with her face to my face. The eyes know. I know. Yes, I will take this Meniere's/Migraine's combo to the next level. I am compelled too, as it is necessary in my focus on a better state of health 'and' mind. Seen.
This is no in way a slight against my present day Neurologist, I respect She and am inclined to agree with she on some aspects of the crossing of Meniere's and Migraines. Though, there's just too damned many symptom's that do inter-mingle and are like a piece of one fabric...
...all sewn and neat sweet like a plaid pocket on a Cowboy shirt. Just like that too.
No, don't feel peculiar, I have criss-crossed subjects that almost seem to be running parallel.
One of these days, dat bald head catch me on da wrung side of da bed. Den, mnaybe we talk. I dun't like be talked at like dat. Him, disrespect meh boundaries - disrespect meh Manhood. One dey, tings turn out different cha'know? God? I tell Jah, I am tired and weary. One God! Yes!
...I think about my own state of health and this period in My Path. Too many positives going on to displace the energy of negativity. The force of bleak and utter gloom is combat. Seen. I know how to express what these tings smell like. Yes. Yes, and the feeling on my skin too or the extra pump in my pulse that permit me to express in sublime expression what the fuck it feels like to be in the Gloom. Abused. I am able to explain how and what it feels like to have worms and spiders scatter about between my scalp and skull. Dem fecking pains in my skull! So crazy, so sick.
I saw He-Who-Touched-My-Brain today. My doctor and I have agreed to take this one step further and out of the box by taking this to another Neurologist. I am being provided an expedited talk with her face to my face. The eyes know. I know. Yes, I will take this Meniere's/Migraine's combo to the next level. I am compelled too, as it is necessary in my focus on a better state of health 'and' mind. Seen.
This is no in way a slight against my present day Neurologist, I respect She and am inclined to agree with she on some aspects of the crossing of Meniere's and Migraines. Though, there's just too damned many symptom's that do inter-mingle and are like a piece of one fabric...
...all sewn and neat sweet like a plaid pocket on a Cowboy shirt. Just like that too.
No, don't feel peculiar, I have criss-crossed subjects that almost seem to be running parallel.
One of these days, dat bald head catch me on da wrung side of da bed. Den, mnaybe we talk. I dun't like be talked at like dat. Him, disrespect meh boundaries - disrespect meh Manhood. One dey, tings turn out different cha'know? God? I tell Jah, I am tired and weary. One God! Yes!
Tuesday, November 20, 2012
O' My Dear, Tanya Tucker
Dear Tanya,
Hi ya darlin'.
Yeah, it has been a spell. Yes Ma'am, Brenda and I are still married. We're going through some tough times right now, but then, this has just about become the norm right now. Sickly times. Oh thanks for asking about the girls, they're grown Women now. Growed (yes, growed) up so fast. Yeah, it has always been one of those things I've carried with me all my life. The guilt of having broke your heart back in 1972. We met over at Mr. George Jone's house up South of here a few. Miss. Tammy, was there too. As always so sweet and polite. Yes, I love them both bunches too!
Tanya, it's too bad we didn't have that talk last year when we were out at Plant City's Strawberry Festival. You know that we were just too young way back then, Tanya. I wanted to have your baby, yes, but things didn't work out that way. You got famous and worked 24 - 7. Me off to grade seven.
I still listen to the song you wrote about my wife and I, "Two Sparrels In A Hurricane". I cry darn near every time I listen to it, because I know that this was a gift from your heart. And yes, I know your arms stay open all night for me - anytime I need some one to talk to. Oh my dear, you have been such a Blessing. Did you get my thanks for the special wink-wink at the show. I was only six or so rows from you Honey. Well hell, you say me! There were times when I thought I could smell you wearing your ole favorite fragrance, Channel #5, during that show. Your security was good. Too good dammit! They told me, "yeah Bud, we get that line all the time." I mean what the feck? You were once the love of my life and I was same for you. You remember, Tanya? So nice.
Anyways, it was so sweet seeing and listening to your daughters back you up with their angelic voices. Like Mama, Like Daughta. Um, you know I would be open to DNA testing, don't you? No! No! Just joking! You have to admit that was funny stuff right there. Tanya, I have been bugging your cousin Sandra to grab me an autograph from you. Would you believe she comes up with some lame shit every time! Ha! Oh well, I've got to go. Be well Tanya! Yes, I still love you! XOXO
Hi ya darlin'.
Yeah, it has been a spell. Yes Ma'am, Brenda and I are still married. We're going through some tough times right now, but then, this has just about become the norm right now. Sickly times. Oh thanks for asking about the girls, they're grown Women now. Growed (yes, growed) up so fast. Yeah, it has always been one of those things I've carried with me all my life. The guilt of having broke your heart back in 1972. We met over at Mr. George Jone's house up South of here a few. Miss. Tammy, was there too. As always so sweet and polite. Yes, I love them both bunches too!
Tanya, it's too bad we didn't have that talk last year when we were out at Plant City's Strawberry Festival. You know that we were just too young way back then, Tanya. I wanted to have your baby, yes, but things didn't work out that way. You got famous and worked 24 - 7. Me off to grade seven.
I still listen to the song you wrote about my wife and I, "Two Sparrels In A Hurricane". I cry darn near every time I listen to it, because I know that this was a gift from your heart. And yes, I know your arms stay open all night for me - anytime I need some one to talk to. Oh my dear, you have been such a Blessing. Did you get my thanks for the special wink-wink at the show. I was only six or so rows from you Honey. Well hell, you say me! There were times when I thought I could smell you wearing your ole favorite fragrance, Channel #5, during that show. Your security was good. Too good dammit! They told me, "yeah Bud, we get that line all the time." I mean what the feck? You were once the love of my life and I was same for you. You remember, Tanya? So nice.
Anyways, it was so sweet seeing and listening to your daughters back you up with their angelic voices. Like Mama, Like Daughta. Um, you know I would be open to DNA testing, don't you? No! No! Just joking! You have to admit that was funny stuff right there. Tanya, I have been bugging your cousin Sandra to grab me an autograph from you. Would you believe she comes up with some lame shit every time! Ha! Oh well, I've got to go. Be well Tanya! Yes, I still love you! XOXO
No, I Do Not Celebrate The Pilgrim
Relations,
Ya-Hey! Welcome!
As I sit here I contemplate the up-coming days of the holiday here in the United States. This is a holiday called Thanksgiving. This is when and where Kin gather, some give Thanks, some do, but don't practice it and then there are the ones who make gluttony.
I do not agree with this American holiday. Neither do I support Columbus Day...
...oh, Lord, all of them ole White Raisins are rolling over in their graves. The one's we have now, are getting old, too old to have office. I almost pity the Republican people's, some where, some way, there's this whole bunch of old white raisins saying, "opps". Well, this country has only gotten darker-in-complexion since the election before this one. Soon, we will be a Nation of Mixed Bloods and we will all always call America home...
...but Ma'am, stuff happens. Life in this country, Our Melting Pot, our culture has happened and so very much has changed and I look at these Old White Raisins and I ask myself, 'what is really going on here?". I don't give a damned how good the representative is or how popular he or she is, limits in terms must become a reality. Seen. Soon.
The Women in this country better wake the shit up! There was just too damned many almost's with this past election. Yes, a Woman's body is a Woman's body, but I say this, I don't want no nasty White Raisin telling my daughters, my grand-daughter's and wife what they can and can't do with their body's. God Bless America, my Dear God and make it fast!
No, I will not celebrate the pilgrims. I despise this one even more than Columbus Day. Yes, I will be with Kinfolk, but I bet you our thanks has never included pilgrims. I like to assure myself time and time again, if I had been one of the first to lay eye's on the Colour of the disease Infested White's - history would have been somewhat different. It's simple minded of me. I know this...
...a simple minded one still has a mind that is too great to waste. I believe this. Ya-Hey!
Ya-Hey! Welcome!
As I sit here I contemplate the up-coming days of the holiday here in the United States. This is a holiday called Thanksgiving. This is when and where Kin gather, some give Thanks, some do, but don't practice it and then there are the ones who make gluttony.
I do not agree with this American holiday. Neither do I support Columbus Day...
...oh, Lord, all of them ole White Raisins are rolling over in their graves. The one's we have now, are getting old, too old to have office. I almost pity the Republican people's, some where, some way, there's this whole bunch of old white raisins saying, "opps". Well, this country has only gotten darker-in-complexion since the election before this one. Soon, we will be a Nation of Mixed Bloods and we will all always call America home...
...but Ma'am, stuff happens. Life in this country, Our Melting Pot, our culture has happened and so very much has changed and I look at these Old White Raisins and I ask myself, 'what is really going on here?". I don't give a damned how good the representative is or how popular he or she is, limits in terms must become a reality. Seen. Soon.
The Women in this country better wake the shit up! There was just too damned many almost's with this past election. Yes, a Woman's body is a Woman's body, but I say this, I don't want no nasty White Raisin telling my daughters, my grand-daughter's and wife what they can and can't do with their body's. God Bless America, my Dear God and make it fast!
No, I will not celebrate the pilgrims. I despise this one even more than Columbus Day. Yes, I will be with Kinfolk, but I bet you our thanks has never included pilgrims. I like to assure myself time and time again, if I had been one of the first to lay eye's on the Colour of the disease Infested White's - history would have been somewhat different. It's simple minded of me. I know this...
...a simple minded one still has a mind that is too great to waste. I believe this. Ya-Hey!
Home From Therapy, The Morrow, He-Who-Touched-My-Brain
Kindred,
Ya-Hey! And a Good Afternoon to All!
Have been home a short hour or so from having a face to face with Sir Dude. I am having and have had a rather nice and smoothly operating day. For the first time I ever, I met a fellow client of Sir Dude's. I had arrived near an hour and one quarter early due to the driver of my bus picking me up so early I hadn't had the time to dress. It really was like something out of a sit-com - me rushing about, grabbing this and that, closing the windows as I passed them, my beads!, and my Cherokee ball cap...
...any ways, we were able to talk and listen for fifteen minutes or so minutes. There was a connection of Spirit's then and there. Kindred, I would say. Quite confidently. Please, Great One, provide this person with some comfort and respite from the things that are keeping a lid on life. Guide this person as the pebbles pain bare feet on the Path of Life. Within the brief period of one-on-one time, I as able to learn of this person's Spirit, the past and present. Within that very brief time in our lives, our Paths had crossed and I learned from her. God Bless, Tender Hearted.
My face to face time with the Sir Dude, was open and cleansing in the sense of the stuff I had floating about in mind and Spirit, got recycled. What was in, was disengaged and dealt with. Being able to share the realization of my mourning for Russell Means. A mourning that was so deep, I hadn't realized it until the sadness manifested into something deeper than a sad state of mind. I am Blessed to have had that awakening.Thank You, Great Spirit! Great One, I know Mr. Means, is now sitting with Red Cloud, Crazy Horse and Sitting Bull. Please Bless their ceremony with good tobacco, a nice fire and some fellows over there on the giant Pow-Wow drums, drumming a welcome home for Russell.
Sir Dude and I spoke of this excellent anticipation that I have growing within about my appointment with The Department of Education's, Vocational Rehabilitation later this month. I do feel like a kid counting down the days to my birthday! No lie! I really can't wait! Oh, it's going to be a big one! Nervous, yes, that too.
Yes, today's therapy was good gathering and even had a cup of tea while exchanging talk.
Tomorrow afternoon I have an appointment with He-Who-Touched-My-Brain. I am eager to have our face to face. It is going to be an interesting conversation filled visit and I pray one that will provide us an opportunity to take this Meniere's Disease and it's symptoms to another level.
Mental Note: Ask for his approval pertaining to taking classes for American Sign Language.
I am considering a request for an MRI at the University of South Florida, there on Tampa General campus. I have this knowing that there's something not quite right going on here in this bobble head of mine. There's something that is not normal. Yeah-yeah, I know about the 'what's normal?' routine, but with my body and this skin I'm in, I know when somethings not normal. When something is not quite right. Seen.
There will be an exchange of talk pertaining to my Neurologist's non-diagnosis on the Migraines piece. No doubt we will speaking of this, He-Who-Touched-My-Brain, is saying that the symptoms of both can and do mimic each other. I see by reading and studying that I do not agree with the diagnosis of Migraines. Or that I have even Migraines. I have read and have learned just how much the symptoms do mimic, but, Meniere's Disease, is yes. Bi-lateral Meniere's Disease with the plethora of it's symptoms - will always be yes. This is something I have lived with every day of life for many years. I have had to let be! I say that I see what Meniere's is and what it has done to my life. What it does daily in my life. As far as pain in my head, I don't have pains in my head and I share again, the sharp and frequent pains I get are between my scalp and my skull. I am not prone to 'head aches' and I am Blessed as such.
I want to have a cigarette and don't even smoke.
Meniere's today has me in a slightly dizzy state. Tipsy, yes, but not drunk tipsy though. Both ears are off listening to whatever it is my left ear thinks it's hearing and my right ear has gone silent too many times this past week. I can share that the noises and sounds from with-in are crazy making. I tell you, true. Seen. The nausea has come and gone then come back again. Sweating, perspiring and misting off and on again. I am exhausted from this past week of post Meniere's and vertigo attack symptoms - today marks day eight. Yes, I am sore and know that if I were to lay done in bed, I would sleep until tomorrow morning. Not today, my friends, not today.
I've nothing else to say.
Love, peace and more peace, me
Ya-Hey! And a Good Afternoon to All!
Have been home a short hour or so from having a face to face with Sir Dude. I am having and have had a rather nice and smoothly operating day. For the first time I ever, I met a fellow client of Sir Dude's. I had arrived near an hour and one quarter early due to the driver of my bus picking me up so early I hadn't had the time to dress. It really was like something out of a sit-com - me rushing about, grabbing this and that, closing the windows as I passed them, my beads!, and my Cherokee ball cap...
...any ways, we were able to talk and listen for fifteen minutes or so minutes. There was a connection of Spirit's then and there. Kindred, I would say. Quite confidently. Please, Great One, provide this person with some comfort and respite from the things that are keeping a lid on life. Guide this person as the pebbles pain bare feet on the Path of Life. Within the brief period of one-on-one time, I as able to learn of this person's Spirit, the past and present. Within that very brief time in our lives, our Paths had crossed and I learned from her. God Bless, Tender Hearted.
My face to face time with the Sir Dude, was open and cleansing in the sense of the stuff I had floating about in mind and Spirit, got recycled. What was in, was disengaged and dealt with. Being able to share the realization of my mourning for Russell Means. A mourning that was so deep, I hadn't realized it until the sadness manifested into something deeper than a sad state of mind. I am Blessed to have had that awakening.Thank You, Great Spirit! Great One, I know Mr. Means, is now sitting with Red Cloud, Crazy Horse and Sitting Bull. Please Bless their ceremony with good tobacco, a nice fire and some fellows over there on the giant Pow-Wow drums, drumming a welcome home for Russell.
Sir Dude and I spoke of this excellent anticipation that I have growing within about my appointment with The Department of Education's, Vocational Rehabilitation later this month. I do feel like a kid counting down the days to my birthday! No lie! I really can't wait! Oh, it's going to be a big one! Nervous, yes, that too.
Yes, today's therapy was good gathering and even had a cup of tea while exchanging talk.
Tomorrow afternoon I have an appointment with He-Who-Touched-My-Brain. I am eager to have our face to face. It is going to be an interesting conversation filled visit and I pray one that will provide us an opportunity to take this Meniere's Disease and it's symptoms to another level.
Mental Note: Ask for his approval pertaining to taking classes for American Sign Language.
I am considering a request for an MRI at the University of South Florida, there on Tampa General campus. I have this knowing that there's something not quite right going on here in this bobble head of mine. There's something that is not normal. Yeah-yeah, I know about the 'what's normal?' routine, but with my body and this skin I'm in, I know when somethings not normal. When something is not quite right. Seen.
There will be an exchange of talk pertaining to my Neurologist's non-diagnosis on the Migraines piece. No doubt we will speaking of this, He-Who-Touched-My-Brain, is saying that the symptoms of both can and do mimic each other. I see by reading and studying that I do not agree with the diagnosis of Migraines. Or that I have even Migraines. I have read and have learned just how much the symptoms do mimic, but, Meniere's Disease, is yes. Bi-lateral Meniere's Disease with the plethora of it's symptoms - will always be yes. This is something I have lived with every day of life for many years. I have had to let be! I say that I see what Meniere's is and what it has done to my life. What it does daily in my life. As far as pain in my head, I don't have pains in my head and I share again, the sharp and frequent pains I get are between my scalp and my skull. I am not prone to 'head aches' and I am Blessed as such.
I want to have a cigarette and don't even smoke.
Meniere's today has me in a slightly dizzy state. Tipsy, yes, but not drunk tipsy though. Both ears are off listening to whatever it is my left ear thinks it's hearing and my right ear has gone silent too many times this past week. I can share that the noises and sounds from with-in are crazy making. I tell you, true. Seen. The nausea has come and gone then come back again. Sweating, perspiring and misting off and on again. I am exhausted from this past week of post Meniere's and vertigo attack symptoms - today marks day eight. Yes, I am sore and know that if I were to lay done in bed, I would sleep until tomorrow morning. Not today, my friends, not today.
I've nothing else to say.
Love, peace and more peace, me
Monday, November 19, 2012
The Dress
If I were to say - or
if I were to express.
What I really think of you
in that white dress.
At the bottom of Tampa Bay.
Would it make you happy
would it make you glad -
would it fuck up your day.
To know that I was the one, who
slayed you, Honey Boo. When
I cut you through and through and
you and your eyes knew.
The blood red will go away in time
- right along with each and every tide.
Yes, my dear, I cried the day you died.
The Dress
if I were to express.
What I really think of you
in that white dress.
At the bottom of Tampa Bay.
Would it make you happy
would it make you glad -
would it fuck up your day.
To know that I was the one, who
slayed you, Honey Boo. When
I cut you through and through and
you and your eyes knew.
The blood red will go away in time
- right along with each and every tide.
Yes, my dear, I cried the day you died.
The Dress
Sunday, November 18, 2012
Deaf One Ear, A New Name
Dearest Relations,
Hello and Good Night to one and all. Well, wait now, for Nikki, this is her good morning now. So, I saw Good Morning, to my dear daughter who lives in the land far and far way. I miss you so much. I mean, I miss Sheena all the time too, but she lives with-in the same area code...
...but NOOoooo, Nicole wants to visit the lands of Prophets, Pharaoh's, Queens and Kings. The Land's of Arabian Knights. There is One, this Arabian Knight, with handsome face and black handsome hair. Yes, I have met this Arabian Knight courting my Eldest, only on the Skype, but yes, we have had many wonderful connections. This handsome one is willing to die for my daughter. Once those words were spoken by this young Man, my mind did, click-click and I knew all is well and good. When we meet, his face to my face for the first time, my embrace and hand shake will provide him the answer to his question. Enough said. Insha Allah...
Yes, I like the new name, Deaf One Ear. I like that a lot. Thank you, anonymous one.
There have been odd and near bizarre situations happen over these past three days. I am still sleeping. Too very much. From last Monday afternoons Meniere's Attack. Friday I had an episode where there was no sleep for well over twenty hours. With the past two days, Saturday, 17 November 2012, up to this moment, late on a Sunday night, 18 November 2012, I have slept over thirty hours...
...it doesn't matter to me. I have been forgetful. I have had to ask what day is this day? What is the date? Repeat what you just said? Again? My Youngest Daughter ate dinner here with Brenda and I last night and I don't remember! These neurological pains have been absurd. It is pain that is so sharp and strikes so suddenly that there is not time or preparation. This pain has now traveled over to the right side of the back of skull. This pain is always between the scalp and this thick skeletal skull of mine. You do the math. This+That=Physiological Amnesic, PTSD, MPD? It's when the brains, spirit's, emotions, thoughts, feelings of the heart, my mind, whole body and emotions have been knocked like, - *Whack!* - outta the park! My entire body aches, pains and is sore from this soon to be one week old recovery. This seems to my energy and I, as one of the longest post vertigo attack symptom process's I have ever had. I mean, this is maddening!
The noises and sounds with-in have been horrendous and burdening. Dizziness has created unsafe passage and the nausea has been with me night and day. At this very moment, my right ear is picking up the mating calls of the cricket. By the hundreds of thousands of millions!
So fecking loud! The dizzy is so bad it feels like a non-stop after effect from the Festival Ride that's spins 'round and around with loud music blaring then the fecking police siren begins to wail! Shat!
My left deaf ear is listening to constant and steady beeps! I try to say, repetitive, as in immediate succession! No, I won't do the beep-beep-beep-beep-beep-beep thing! But, for Derrek's-Sake, this is horribly troublesome. I have lost total hearing in this right ear a few times. It pops loudly. Over and over again too.
Yes, I am sharing and speaking out. I think I must tonight! I am exhausted, but do not wish to rest. Or is it that my body is telling me that I am wide awake and to ignore the pain. Just keep pushing for the envelope dipped in carrot juice. Like I'm Bugs Bunny? Ha! I feel a sort of disengage going on within at the moment. Am feeling calmer and attempting to enjoy the awesome early Fall coolness...
...it is a cool fifty-something out there tonight. It is cloudless and the stars seem extra brilliant and bright up above this beautiful lil' piece of Mother Earth. The dry spell has rendered my lawns crispy and coloured the colours of Fall. My poor lawns. The cement pond out back has gone too cold for any swimming or dipping even. I do enjoy the canvas of the galaxy's above my head while taking a dip down here in Middle Florida. Late at night. As far as the pool, one only has to time it just right - because there's a brief gap between yes, for swimming bare in the Fall in Florida and a No, for swimming in the Fall in Florida. Yes, the sky is gorgeous this time of year, but the swimming piece has to be regulated by several warm days and none cool nights. Ha! Florida Fall is here! Soon only swimmers are those very White Canadians and German's! Although, I admit some of the best spots in Florida, are these small Canadian and German, Mom and Pop Pubs along the coasts. Both coasts and The Florida Key's. They, Canadians and Germans, flock here like the birds and roost for a spell and then they go back home come Spring. Yeah, like the birds. I love them and have loved them too.
Wait! I have gone dipping and swimming in Fall and Winter! In the Atlantic Ocean, The Gulf of Mexico, lakes, rivers and yes, cement pond's Ha! Guess it all depends on what's the motivation! Down here these are rites-o-passage and I be damned if I let go of some wonderful memories of swimming in the night in the middle of winter. Yes, guess I am and will always be proud to be a citizen of these South Eastern United States of America. Just am. This is my Home Country. I have lived in these parts most of my natural born mixed blooded ass life. I don't have to go to far to take holiday neither. Up the highway at then North East to Cherokee, North Carolina. My Spirit's, Home away from Home. Being a Floridian, is like so way damned BONUS! I'm no longer ashamed to say that there were times when I was a bit of the Doggy in my 501's. Those were some day's I say. And them Canadians hated it too! Wait! Stop! Too many memories!
That's all, I just wanted to say it. Do it. Live it. Be it. Cry it. Pray it! I gotta go. Love it! Peace!
Thanks again!
Deaf One Ear
P.S. Oh yes, didn't The Beach Boy's sing a song about us Dahlin's?
Hello and Good Night to one and all. Well, wait now, for Nikki, this is her good morning now. So, I saw Good Morning, to my dear daughter who lives in the land far and far way. I miss you so much. I mean, I miss Sheena all the time too, but she lives with-in the same area code...
...but NOOoooo, Nicole wants to visit the lands of Prophets, Pharaoh's, Queens and Kings. The Land's of Arabian Knights. There is One, this Arabian Knight, with handsome face and black handsome hair. Yes, I have met this Arabian Knight courting my Eldest, only on the Skype, but yes, we have had many wonderful connections. This handsome one is willing to die for my daughter. Once those words were spoken by this young Man, my mind did, click-click and I knew all is well and good. When we meet, his face to my face for the first time, my embrace and hand shake will provide him the answer to his question. Enough said. Insha Allah...
Yes, I like the new name, Deaf One Ear. I like that a lot. Thank you, anonymous one.
There have been odd and near bizarre situations happen over these past three days. I am still sleeping. Too very much. From last Monday afternoons Meniere's Attack. Friday I had an episode where there was no sleep for well over twenty hours. With the past two days, Saturday, 17 November 2012, up to this moment, late on a Sunday night, 18 November 2012, I have slept over thirty hours...
...it doesn't matter to me. I have been forgetful. I have had to ask what day is this day? What is the date? Repeat what you just said? Again? My Youngest Daughter ate dinner here with Brenda and I last night and I don't remember! These neurological pains have been absurd. It is pain that is so sharp and strikes so suddenly that there is not time or preparation. This pain has now traveled over to the right side of the back of skull. This pain is always between the scalp and this thick skeletal skull of mine. You do the math. This+That=Physiological Amnesic, PTSD, MPD? It's when the brains, spirit's, emotions, thoughts, feelings of the heart, my mind, whole body and emotions have been knocked like, - *Whack!* - outta the park! My entire body aches, pains and is sore from this soon to be one week old recovery. This seems to my energy and I, as one of the longest post vertigo attack symptom process's I have ever had. I mean, this is maddening!
The noises and sounds with-in have been horrendous and burdening. Dizziness has created unsafe passage and the nausea has been with me night and day. At this very moment, my right ear is picking up the mating calls of the cricket. By the hundreds of thousands of millions!
So fecking loud! The dizzy is so bad it feels like a non-stop after effect from the Festival Ride that's spins 'round and around with loud music blaring then the fecking police siren begins to wail! Shat!
My left deaf ear is listening to constant and steady beeps! I try to say, repetitive, as in immediate succession! No, I won't do the beep-beep-beep-beep-beep-beep thing! But, for Derrek's-Sake, this is horribly troublesome. I have lost total hearing in this right ear a few times. It pops loudly. Over and over again too.
Yes, I am sharing and speaking out. I think I must tonight! I am exhausted, but do not wish to rest. Or is it that my body is telling me that I am wide awake and to ignore the pain. Just keep pushing for the envelope dipped in carrot juice. Like I'm Bugs Bunny? Ha! I feel a sort of disengage going on within at the moment. Am feeling calmer and attempting to enjoy the awesome early Fall coolness...
...it is a cool fifty-something out there tonight. It is cloudless and the stars seem extra brilliant and bright up above this beautiful lil' piece of Mother Earth. The dry spell has rendered my lawns crispy and coloured the colours of Fall. My poor lawns. The cement pond out back has gone too cold for any swimming or dipping even. I do enjoy the canvas of the galaxy's above my head while taking a dip down here in Middle Florida. Late at night. As far as the pool, one only has to time it just right - because there's a brief gap between yes, for swimming bare in the Fall in Florida and a No, for swimming in the Fall in Florida. Yes, the sky is gorgeous this time of year, but the swimming piece has to be regulated by several warm days and none cool nights. Ha! Florida Fall is here! Soon only swimmers are those very White Canadians and German's! Although, I admit some of the best spots in Florida, are these small Canadian and German, Mom and Pop Pubs along the coasts. Both coasts and The Florida Key's. They, Canadians and Germans, flock here like the birds and roost for a spell and then they go back home come Spring. Yeah, like the birds. I love them and have loved them too.
Wait! I have gone dipping and swimming in Fall and Winter! In the Atlantic Ocean, The Gulf of Mexico, lakes, rivers and yes, cement pond's Ha! Guess it all depends on what's the motivation! Down here these are rites-o-passage and I be damned if I let go of some wonderful memories of swimming in the night in the middle of winter. Yes, guess I am and will always be proud to be a citizen of these South Eastern United States of America. Just am. This is my Home Country. I have lived in these parts most of my natural born mixed blooded ass life. I don't have to go to far to take holiday neither. Up the highway at then North East to Cherokee, North Carolina. My Spirit's, Home away from Home. Being a Floridian, is like so way damned BONUS! I'm no longer ashamed to say that there were times when I was a bit of the Doggy in my 501's. Those were some day's I say. And them Canadians hated it too! Wait! Stop! Too many memories!
That's all, I just wanted to say it. Do it. Live it. Be it. Cry it. Pray it! I gotta go. Love it! Peace!
Thanks again!
Deaf One Ear
P.S. Oh yes, didn't The Beach Boy's sing a song about us Dahlin's?
Saturday, November 17, 2012
Tonight I Carry No Arms
The decision I have made is to sit out of doors just a spell. Soon the clock will strike three which would provide me an open window for our guests return. I have considered including the Sheriff Department and will call when I go to my blend-in-spot. Invisible in the clear moon lite night to One's looking other ways. Sad and bad ways. So I'll speak outwards.
I carry no arms. Yes, and of course I have gone through this decision making. My Mind's made up. Both halves and all decision's final.
I will sit in the front of our lodge, have ceremony and listen to the Night...
...and the Fellow Earth Mates who inhabit the night. Bless there hearts. They're so loud tonight.
My left deaf ear is already jam packed with bugs, insects and the other loud critters. Picks up the damned beeps too. My right ear will have good exercise this wee morning. The task is simple as simply listening. Speaking no words, singing no songs. Dawn comes soon.
Four O'clock happens in one hour.
I'm headed out to chill in the beautiful Florida Fall Night...
...God Bless Florida. This is my town! God Bless America! God Bless my Brother's and my Sister's in Syria. Our fellow Earth Mates in Syria are suffering a Genocide as I breathe tip-tapping this onto this page. An entire Peoples, My Lord.
Heavenly One, Creator of All That Is, please see there is too much War and bloodshed going on at this instant. Mother Earth, is sad. Bless the People's of Jordan, Egypt, Lebanon and Turkey. Things are happening within the Military Powers that Be. I reckon just about anytime now, Mr. President Assad will be dealt with accordingly. Justice will be served. And the Syrian Folks will work on finding yet another normal routine in their lives. Please God, no more genocide!
I carry no arms. Yes, and of course I have gone through this decision making. My Mind's made up. Both halves and all decision's final.
I will sit in the front of our lodge, have ceremony and listen to the Night...
...and the Fellow Earth Mates who inhabit the night. Bless there hearts. They're so loud tonight.
My left deaf ear is already jam packed with bugs, insects and the other loud critters. Picks up the damned beeps too. My right ear will have good exercise this wee morning. The task is simple as simply listening. Speaking no words, singing no songs. Dawn comes soon.
Four O'clock happens in one hour.
I'm headed out to chill in the beautiful Florida Fall Night...
...God Bless Florida. This is my town! God Bless America! God Bless my Brother's and my Sister's in Syria. Our fellow Earth Mates in Syria are suffering a Genocide as I breathe tip-tapping this onto this page. An entire Peoples, My Lord.
Heavenly One, Creator of All That Is, please see there is too much War and bloodshed going on at this instant. Mother Earth, is sad. Bless the People's of Jordan, Egypt, Lebanon and Turkey. Things are happening within the Military Powers that Be. I reckon just about anytime now, Mr. President Assad will be dealt with accordingly. Justice will be served. And the Syrian Folks will work on finding yet another normal routine in their lives. Please God, no more genocide!
Friday, November 16, 2012
Sitting With The Quiet
It is truly 0203 at this very moment.
The air out of doors is cool and the temperature is dropping to sixty-one or fifty-nine Fahrenheit. Think I might step out of doors in a few minutes. Take my Medicine Walking Stick and carry on my right ear a twig of the White Sage. Around my neck, beads and a powerful crystal point.
I have the mind-set of waiting to see if our four o'clock in the morning guests will be back. I really don't think so, but I want them to see my face as I will see their face if they should. This end of the cul-de-sac is really like one long-inter-connected properties. The neighbourly like thing to practice when one is Blessed with such awesome neighbours.
Blessing's yes. We are fortunate to have this "C" section of our community be so sweetly coordinated, as we are here at the end of our block. Here, there's one way in - and one way out. My U.S. Army day's taught me well on the camouflage and hiding technique. I will find a spot, apparently and creep up on the possibility of some misguided Folks, creeping 'round these parts of our reservation. There's strength in numbers, you know. Fourteen neighbours times two eye orbs equals to twenty-eight eye orbs. Awesome!
I am considering sitting a spell and having another ceremony. A bit of time has passed since I last had ceremony this late into the night. Oh, my dears, I so sure do remember having ceremony well into the night...
...and welcome the dawn of the new day.
All is silent and quiet about my environment. The hounds are in the 'Bat Cave' and the mate is sleeping restfully. Tonight, I am restless. Am medicated as well, so I don't know why this high tic of an energy is so over powering. Yes, I am exhausted. I have been up a good days worth of hours today. Am pleased to have kept the activity moving at a good pace. Worms wiggle in my head.
The air out of doors is cool and the temperature is dropping to sixty-one or fifty-nine Fahrenheit. Think I might step out of doors in a few minutes. Take my Medicine Walking Stick and carry on my right ear a twig of the White Sage. Around my neck, beads and a powerful crystal point.
I have the mind-set of waiting to see if our four o'clock in the morning guests will be back. I really don't think so, but I want them to see my face as I will see their face if they should. This end of the cul-de-sac is really like one long-inter-connected properties. The neighbourly like thing to practice when one is Blessed with such awesome neighbours.
Blessing's yes. We are fortunate to have this "C" section of our community be so sweetly coordinated, as we are here at the end of our block. Here, there's one way in - and one way out. My U.S. Army day's taught me well on the camouflage and hiding technique. I will find a spot, apparently and creep up on the possibility of some misguided Folks, creeping 'round these parts of our reservation. There's strength in numbers, you know. Fourteen neighbours times two eye orbs equals to twenty-eight eye orbs. Awesome!
I am considering sitting a spell and having another ceremony. A bit of time has passed since I last had ceremony this late into the night. Oh, my dears, I so sure do remember having ceremony well into the night...
...and welcome the dawn of the new day.
All is silent and quiet about my environment. The hounds are in the 'Bat Cave' and the mate is sleeping restfully. Tonight, I am restless. Am medicated as well, so I don't know why this high tic of an energy is so over powering. Yes, I am exhausted. I have been up a good days worth of hours today. Am pleased to have kept the activity moving at a good pace. Worms wiggle in my head.
Time For "The Say It And Share It Time"!
Alright now...
Please remember that with this exercise I am shooting from the hip and there is no censorship. I will cuss and I may get personal. I don't know yet. This is a formula I have utilized over the years to release certain stress's or factors that might lead to stress, anxiety or depression.
There have always been twenty-five comments/utterances/shit talk from way back when I first started this in my journals years and years ago. I've used word association too. Flush the brain's. Here I go!
1. I am still feeling a bit of a tic in my Core this evening.
2. I don't like the way it feels in my Spirit's knowing that my Son-In-Law has a brother who has been surrounded by enemy in Syria.
3. When shit gets personal - everything changes.
4. I was able to maintain my driver's license! Wot!
5. I wish for the day to come when I am able to drive again.
6. Yes, I am very fecking happy that Mr. President Barack Obama was re-elected.
7. Thank You Lord!
8. It irony is the Republicans swept the Old Dixie Confederacy. With the exception of Florida.
9. Can you believe more election drama and scandal in Florida?! Naw Boo! Yes, it's true.
10. I really don't have time for that shit.
11. Mom!
12. My heart still aches with mourning for the passing of Mr. Russell Means.
13. One real live Human Spirit Hero of mine since boyhood.
14. Now, Russell is a Spirit Friend.
15. And will always have a place to rest his head here at our lodge.
16. Ya-Hey!
17. My sister Margarita gifted me dozens of photo's from our youth and before our birth's.
18. Such a deep and personal type of Gift.
19. The vulnerability piece was increased with this morning's event. And not hearing the bell.
20. Good Gracious, Great Balls On Fire, tell me I'm not losing my damned mind!
21. Please!
22. My dearest 94 year old Grand Mother, continues to reach inside me and touch my Spirit.
23. My dearest Grand Mother is really 94 years old. No. God, please, no.
24. I continue to focus on the loss of weight and a more fitness oriented life style.
25. My Life Style, is My Business. A non-negotiable. Seen.
Alright then! Wow! That was quick and I feel short of breathe. LOL! Another "Say it and Share it" some other time.
Love, peace and more peace, me...
...p.s. Pearl's Home!
Please remember that with this exercise I am shooting from the hip and there is no censorship. I will cuss and I may get personal. I don't know yet. This is a formula I have utilized over the years to release certain stress's or factors that might lead to stress, anxiety or depression.
There have always been twenty-five comments/utterances/shit talk from way back when I first started this in my journals years and years ago. I've used word association too. Flush the brain's. Here I go!
1. I am still feeling a bit of a tic in my Core this evening.
2. I don't like the way it feels in my Spirit's knowing that my Son-In-Law has a brother who has been surrounded by enemy in Syria.
3. When shit gets personal - everything changes.
4. I was able to maintain my driver's license! Wot!
5. I wish for the day to come when I am able to drive again.
6. Yes, I am very fecking happy that Mr. President Barack Obama was re-elected.
7. Thank You Lord!
8. It irony is the Republicans swept the Old Dixie Confederacy. With the exception of Florida.
9. Can you believe more election drama and scandal in Florida?! Naw Boo! Yes, it's true.
10. I really don't have time for that shit.
11. Mom!
12. My heart still aches with mourning for the passing of Mr. Russell Means.
13. One real live Human Spirit Hero of mine since boyhood.
14. Now, Russell is a Spirit Friend.
15. And will always have a place to rest his head here at our lodge.
16. Ya-Hey!
17. My sister Margarita gifted me dozens of photo's from our youth and before our birth's.
18. Such a deep and personal type of Gift.
19. The vulnerability piece was increased with this morning's event. And not hearing the bell.
20. Good Gracious, Great Balls On Fire, tell me I'm not losing my damned mind!
21. Please!
22. My dearest 94 year old Grand Mother, continues to reach inside me and touch my Spirit.
23. My dearest Grand Mother is really 94 years old. No. God, please, no.
24. I continue to focus on the loss of weight and a more fitness oriented life style.
25. My Life Style, is My Business. A non-negotiable. Seen.
Alright then! Wow! That was quick and I feel short of breathe. LOL! Another "Say it and Share it" some other time.
Love, peace and more peace, me...
...p.s. Pearl's Home!
At Four O'Clock This Morning
At four o'clock this morning, some body rang our front door bell setting off the 'Hound Pound' into an instant defensive posture. The three waging a loud and prolonged profound battle for home, Ma and Pa...
...Botswana, woke me telling me someone was at the door - I thought, yeah right, at 4 in the morning? And in the mean time, Los Tres Amigo's were losing their minds at the front door. I approached the peep hole with caution using the peripheral view to capture all aspects of who or what reason someone would be at my out side front door, car port and porch of entry. Botswana, took to the blinds and noted a small white car pulling off, which was same for me. To far to see any plate or description. White enough to see it was a small loud white car.
I tell my mate this, "Dear, this was a knock at the wrong door on the wrong cul-de-sac". We did not involve Emergency Sheriff. This morning they were not called. Now, let same happen tonight and there will be a ruckus going down on this reservation come morning time. Once I understand - okay, that just may be a fellow Earth Mate lost and at wrong home, You see, we have six consecutive cul' de sacs just like ours here next to the channel. Mistakes happen...
...Great Spirit, I ask and pray for your intervention here. Please Lord, if someone finds them self on this side of the door, I pray now for that individual and the consequences of the justice served in this Lodge. I thank you Lord, for the protection and safety you have bestowed upon my wife, children and I. Yes, I am Blessed. My Lord, this fool I would place my hands on, would not make it out of here the way the fool came in. Between the time Emergency number is dialed and the arrival of the Sheriff and Deputy, I will have scalped and let live the one invading our Sanctuary. My Safe Place, is our House of Seven Windows. The all of this property is Sanctuary. This is the home for my wife. My wish for my daughters come time.
The fences are marked with proper painted Red Blood Hands with Medicine included on the Palm. Them who may come here with misunderstanding will leave with a special education. This particular scenario that would have me end up in an asylum for evaluation's that just might could take slightly longer than the 72 hour Baker Act. Seen.
Great Spirit, Bless Our Home and this little piece of Mother Earth under our feet and our sleeping heads. Keep this Warrior alert and strong. Yes Lord, Thank You! My Heavenly Father. Amen!
...Botswana, woke me telling me someone was at the door - I thought, yeah right, at 4 in the morning? And in the mean time, Los Tres Amigo's were losing their minds at the front door. I approached the peep hole with caution using the peripheral view to capture all aspects of who or what reason someone would be at my out side front door, car port and porch of entry. Botswana, took to the blinds and noted a small white car pulling off, which was same for me. To far to see any plate or description. White enough to see it was a small loud white car.
I tell my mate this, "Dear, this was a knock at the wrong door on the wrong cul-de-sac". We did not involve Emergency Sheriff. This morning they were not called. Now, let same happen tonight and there will be a ruckus going down on this reservation come morning time. Once I understand - okay, that just may be a fellow Earth Mate lost and at wrong home, You see, we have six consecutive cul' de sacs just like ours here next to the channel. Mistakes happen...
...Great Spirit, I ask and pray for your intervention here. Please Lord, if someone finds them self on this side of the door, I pray now for that individual and the consequences of the justice served in this Lodge. I thank you Lord, for the protection and safety you have bestowed upon my wife, children and I. Yes, I am Blessed. My Lord, this fool I would place my hands on, would not make it out of here the way the fool came in. Between the time Emergency number is dialed and the arrival of the Sheriff and Deputy, I will have scalped and let live the one invading our Sanctuary. My Safe Place, is our House of Seven Windows. The all of this property is Sanctuary. This is the home for my wife. My wish for my daughters come time.
The fences are marked with proper painted Red Blood Hands with Medicine included on the Palm. Them who may come here with misunderstanding will leave with a special education. This particular scenario that would have me end up in an asylum for evaluation's that just might could take slightly longer than the 72 hour Baker Act. Seen.
Great Spirit, Bless Our Home and this little piece of Mother Earth under our feet and our sleeping heads. Keep this Warrior alert and strong. Yes Lord, Thank You! My Heavenly Father. Amen!
Just Something That I Wish To Share
Kin,
There is something that wish to share if I may?
I do not place enough emphasis or direction on a certain topic which is an important part of our sensory processes. No, not the deaf piece, but my vision has gone like really bad. There are times when I go to do the 'spell check' and the whole page lites up yellow! My Mom was blind when she died. The day that I didn't want her to go. No Mom, not yet.
It is sorta odd, but it isn't. Kinda like me being odd, for example, yet knowing damned well I'm really not that odd after all. This is what my forehead said to say. So. So, so there.
I am waiting for Botswana to return home from work. Yes, she call's to check in on the 'ole goat', here and there and I am attached to a telephone for safety purposes. It's just that this big ole house sure gets mighty lonely in the middle of the day. And, no, I don't talk too much to the hounds. Or with the hounds, as it seems some times.
The walk to dentist office to drop off patient information and the market was refreshing. A cool breeze that whooshed my Baha and made the long sleeve t-shirt I was wearing a happy garment to be on my skin at the moment. Um. No, no hoodie. Today's walk was a task though. I almost felt as if dang, this is far from home today. Shit. There was some lacking and though I have kept a busy eye on the 'crib', today feels this way too. Oh my Gurd. Oh yes, I did.
There's got to be something about today's date, 16 November. I know there is something powerful coming from them few letters and numbers right there. I figure this has something to do with my Mom or my Kinfolk from her side's of my Family. As it is my life is incomplete without my Mom, my life is incomplete without so many of the beautiful Kin I have had the Honor and Blessing to Cross Paths with. Kin, know that I am Blessed to have had the privilege of crossing your path. Your visit. How brief? All thanks, praise and Honor to my, The One God. Amen. Seen.
There is something that wish to share if I may?
I do not place enough emphasis or direction on a certain topic which is an important part of our sensory processes. No, not the deaf piece, but my vision has gone like really bad. There are times when I go to do the 'spell check' and the whole page lites up yellow! My Mom was blind when she died. The day that I didn't want her to go. No Mom, not yet.
It is sorta odd, but it isn't. Kinda like me being odd, for example, yet knowing damned well I'm really not that odd after all. This is what my forehead said to say. So. So, so there.
I am waiting for Botswana to return home from work. Yes, she call's to check in on the 'ole goat', here and there and I am attached to a telephone for safety purposes. It's just that this big ole house sure gets mighty lonely in the middle of the day. And, no, I don't talk too much to the hounds. Or with the hounds, as it seems some times.
The walk to dentist office to drop off patient information and the market was refreshing. A cool breeze that whooshed my Baha and made the long sleeve t-shirt I was wearing a happy garment to be on my skin at the moment. Um. No, no hoodie. Today's walk was a task though. I almost felt as if dang, this is far from home today. Shit. There was some lacking and though I have kept a busy eye on the 'crib', today feels this way too. Oh my Gurd. Oh yes, I did.
There's got to be something about today's date, 16 November. I know there is something powerful coming from them few letters and numbers right there. I figure this has something to do with my Mom or my Kinfolk from her side's of my Family. As it is my life is incomplete without my Mom, my life is incomplete without so many of the beautiful Kin I have had the Honor and Blessing to Cross Paths with. Kin, know that I am Blessed to have had the privilege of crossing your path. Your visit. How brief? All thanks, praise and Honor to my, The One God. Amen. Seen.
Farewell Russell, Rest Well
Relations,
I seem to have misplaced my shell in which is burned the White Sage, herbs and spices. I have this frantic tic going on in my Center and all I wish to do is have ceremony to combat whatever evil energies make home or loom near by. Yes, I wear the Armour of My Lord, but there is a Spiritual connection I have with my past and the scent and presence of the White Sage, this large shell brings me to the here, my past, the present and my future...
...this smoke and it's scent sets me adrift and away to places I have traveled. Memories of the Ceremonies in The Everglades, for The Everglades and for Kinfolk and Kindred who have passed before me. Right there in Swamp Land, it made no matter to me. I am Blessed to have had Ceremony with my Mom before she passed, she always loved the scent. And I burned the White Sage when my Mom crossed. Yes, there in The Everglades and here at her burial grounds. The scent's and energies are same as it is when we have wonderful Ceremony in Cherokee. Visiting and staying right there on the Reservation for the duration of our annual pilgrimage. With the energy of White Sage. Back-Up-South, is where so many of my Kinfolk were born, lived and died, generation after generation. One by one, we are born and we die.
My prayers are set off and into the massive skies that stretch far and away for as far as the eyes might see. I know this is true. The smoke of the Ceremony is carried in the wind. It's in my blood.
Today, I permitted myself to comprehend just how much the passing of Mr. Russell Means, affected me and the all of me. In my Spirit, I feel as if I have lost a dear and close Kindred One or a member of my Kinfolk. I am aware that I was shocked when I read the obituary in the Tampa Bay Times. I just didn't know how deeply I was affected. The Times mentioned Mr. Means in a 'passing thought' sort of note - seven or so paragraphs long. I was angered by this and considered offering an opinion, but my eyes were blessed to see and read what The New York Times, printed in Mr. Means memory.
(I am receiving steady beep-beep, beep's in my left deaf ear and I just felt a worm wiggle between my scalp and my skull. Also on the left side of my thick skull.)
I am missing my Mom very much lately. I was recently at the store with the big red dot and Botswana and I got separated for a spell. For a while I felt like a lost child looking for Mom. I was afraid for a flash. And then to have all of these smell memories of my Mom's Thanksgiving Feast because of all the sales going on, with Folks sampling this and that's. Having to see that sad damned Publix commercial time and time again. This was my Mom's favorite time of year...
...I think, maybe this sadness is how I have felt since I learned of Mr. Means death. I mean, I have had the luxury of having my hero be a living part of My Path since childhood. Knowing he was there. Just knowing Russell was alive felt right good in my Center. I remember bring this up briefly in therapy, but I failed to open and work on what was so sad inside.
My Good Right, Mr. Means, has crossed. It is time now for me to accept these thoughts and feelings as truths. Comprehend the all of what has been occupying my conscience since the twenty-third of October. I have thought about and have considered his death every day since he died. And I wasn't letting go. I think that as of today, with the ceremony just a bit ago, I have let my heart open to release the the energies associated with the sadness of this mourning.
I mourn now in a different place. With a different pair of shoes. Moccasin's?
Rest well for Eternity Russell, rest well...
...there's a thankfulness in my Spirit's. Thank you.
I seem to have misplaced my shell in which is burned the White Sage, herbs and spices. I have this frantic tic going on in my Center and all I wish to do is have ceremony to combat whatever evil energies make home or loom near by. Yes, I wear the Armour of My Lord, but there is a Spiritual connection I have with my past and the scent and presence of the White Sage, this large shell brings me to the here, my past, the present and my future...
...this smoke and it's scent sets me adrift and away to places I have traveled. Memories of the Ceremonies in The Everglades, for The Everglades and for Kinfolk and Kindred who have passed before me. Right there in Swamp Land, it made no matter to me. I am Blessed to have had Ceremony with my Mom before she passed, she always loved the scent. And I burned the White Sage when my Mom crossed. Yes, there in The Everglades and here at her burial grounds. The scent's and energies are same as it is when we have wonderful Ceremony in Cherokee. Visiting and staying right there on the Reservation for the duration of our annual pilgrimage. With the energy of White Sage. Back-Up-South, is where so many of my Kinfolk were born, lived and died, generation after generation. One by one, we are born and we die.
My prayers are set off and into the massive skies that stretch far and away for as far as the eyes might see. I know this is true. The smoke of the Ceremony is carried in the wind. It's in my blood.
Today, I permitted myself to comprehend just how much the passing of Mr. Russell Means, affected me and the all of me. In my Spirit, I feel as if I have lost a dear and close Kindred One or a member of my Kinfolk. I am aware that I was shocked when I read the obituary in the Tampa Bay Times. I just didn't know how deeply I was affected. The Times mentioned Mr. Means in a 'passing thought' sort of note - seven or so paragraphs long. I was angered by this and considered offering an opinion, but my eyes were blessed to see and read what The New York Times, printed in Mr. Means memory.
(I am receiving steady beep-beep, beep's in my left deaf ear and I just felt a worm wiggle between my scalp and my skull. Also on the left side of my thick skull.)
I am missing my Mom very much lately. I was recently at the store with the big red dot and Botswana and I got separated for a spell. For a while I felt like a lost child looking for Mom. I was afraid for a flash. And then to have all of these smell memories of my Mom's Thanksgiving Feast because of all the sales going on, with Folks sampling this and that's. Having to see that sad damned Publix commercial time and time again. This was my Mom's favorite time of year...
...I think, maybe this sadness is how I have felt since I learned of Mr. Means death. I mean, I have had the luxury of having my hero be a living part of My Path since childhood. Knowing he was there. Just knowing Russell was alive felt right good in my Center. I remember bring this up briefly in therapy, but I failed to open and work on what was so sad inside.
My Good Right, Mr. Means, has crossed. It is time now for me to accept these thoughts and feelings as truths. Comprehend the all of what has been occupying my conscience since the twenty-third of October. I have thought about and have considered his death every day since he died. And I wasn't letting go. I think that as of today, with the ceremony just a bit ago, I have let my heart open to release the the energies associated with the sadness of this mourning.
I mourn now in a different place. With a different pair of shoes. Moccasin's?
Rest well for Eternity Russell, rest well...
...there's a thankfulness in my Spirit's. Thank you.
Busting Out
Kinfolks,
Think I am prepared for a walk about and thinking about walking to that super market across from this reservation. The market known as 'The Beef People" super market...
...mental list is a two pack of Goya Chorrizo and one bag of baby carrots. Might have a stroll about and see what might bark out at me. Yes Kin, my name is Mario and I am a shop-o-holic...
...anyways, I will enjoy this brief walk out and about. Even if I do feel as if I am prepared for some sort of mission with all I wear, I swear, I have everything and anything I might need in my pockets. Oh yeah, I am slowly thinking about, um, naw boo, I'll always carry my Man Bag. In some shape or form, this Man will have a He-Sack. Just made that up right there. Ha! It's just that this weather out of doors is from some where else you see, because this is not Florida weather. But wait, it's so dark, grey and gloomy out that the street lights have been on since this mornings dark of night. There's a mighty slight sprinkle. So gloomy, so grey. Yes.
So look, if I stay much longer I might change my mind about busting out! I want this 30 to 60 minutes of activity on My Path today. See the Folks walking about like me. I'll take my base ball cap so that I may bow my head and tip it to the Lady's crossing my steps this morning.
Let me say real quick that I continue to deal with post Meniere's attack symptoms. I am fighting a good fight against the sleep. I am nauseated and at this moment lightly dizzy. Dizzy as if I wear a cap of it on the crown of this huge and thick skull and am perspiring and misting. Yes.
Over-all, I am in a much better place today than I was yesterday or the days preceding. I have decided to attack this latest Meniere's attack with a vengeance. This bastard has had me by my throat Honey's, and I want to get some of my life back. I slept so too damned much of it away this week. Including yesterday evening and last night I have slept well over sixty hours since Monday.
Shit.
That's a lot of time to catch up with, so please, I beg your pardon. Seen.
Think I am prepared for a walk about and thinking about walking to that super market across from this reservation. The market known as 'The Beef People" super market...
...mental list is a two pack of Goya Chorrizo and one bag of baby carrots. Might have a stroll about and see what might bark out at me. Yes Kin, my name is Mario and I am a shop-o-holic...
...anyways, I will enjoy this brief walk out and about. Even if I do feel as if I am prepared for some sort of mission with all I wear, I swear, I have everything and anything I might need in my pockets. Oh yeah, I am slowly thinking about, um, naw boo, I'll always carry my Man Bag. In some shape or form, this Man will have a He-Sack. Just made that up right there. Ha! It's just that this weather out of doors is from some where else you see, because this is not Florida weather. But wait, it's so dark, grey and gloomy out that the street lights have been on since this mornings dark of night. There's a mighty slight sprinkle. So gloomy, so grey. Yes.
So look, if I stay much longer I might change my mind about busting out! I want this 30 to 60 minutes of activity on My Path today. See the Folks walking about like me. I'll take my base ball cap so that I may bow my head and tip it to the Lady's crossing my steps this morning.
Let me say real quick that I continue to deal with post Meniere's attack symptoms. I am fighting a good fight against the sleep. I am nauseated and at this moment lightly dizzy. Dizzy as if I wear a cap of it on the crown of this huge and thick skull and am perspiring and misting. Yes.
Over-all, I am in a much better place today than I was yesterday or the days preceding. I have decided to attack this latest Meniere's attack with a vengeance. This bastard has had me by my throat Honey's, and I want to get some of my life back. I slept so too damned much of it away this week. Including yesterday evening and last night I have slept well over sixty hours since Monday.
Shit.
That's a lot of time to catch up with, so please, I beg your pardon. Seen.
Thursday, November 15, 2012
Thank You Lord
Thank you Lord. Thank you Lord, for what you've done for me.
Thank you Lord, for what you're doing now.
Thank you Lord, for every prayer I pray...
...Lord,I ask you come into my mind and heart and Soul, guide me through this Babylon.
Thank you Lord for what you've done for me!
Seen. Seen. I can't find the explanation Lord.
Thank you Lord! For what you've done for me!
Note: Influenced by and large with all respects to Mr. Bob Marley. No disrespect meant. Felt love.
All one Jah, One Love.
We see the destruction of Earth Mother no matter where you stand. Have respect. Have Love and have prayer of Thanks to our Lord!
Thank you, Lord!
Love, peace and more peace, me
Thank You Lord!
Thank you Lord, for what you're doing now.
Thank you Lord, for every prayer I pray...
...Lord,I ask you come into my mind and heart and Soul, guide me through this Babylon.
Thank you Lord for what you've done for me!
Seen. Seen. I can't find the explanation Lord.
Thank you Lord! For what you've done for me!
Note: Influenced by and large with all respects to Mr. Bob Marley. No disrespect meant. Felt love.
All one Jah, One Love.
We see the destruction of Earth Mother no matter where you stand. Have respect. Have Love and have prayer of Thanks to our Lord!
Thank you, Lord!
Love, peace and more peace, me
Thank You Lord!
This Just Happened! One Fire Truck, Two Ambulance's And Two Sheriff Deputy's
Kindred,
This just happened in the front of my Lodge!
I stepped out to fetch our mail and saw that our neighbour's two doors down had one huge neon green Fire Truck in front of my next door neighbours house and a big neon green ambulance behind it. My neighbour was taken from his home by stretcher and being placed inside of it. I didn't know what to say or do and as I walked towards my neighbours home, another ambulance came up our short cul-de-sac and it was then that I saw our Lady Neighbour on the floor of her living room. Her Son in such a state...
...then two sheriff deputy's came rushing up the block and I began to cry.
I realized the second big neon green ambulance was for her. I cried for my neighbours first because I did not nor do I know now, what has gone wrong in their beautiful home.
And then, I cried because I head none of this commotion going on immediately in front of our House Of Seven Window's. With all windows open! I did not hear any cries for help. What if they called me by name? What if I could have been there to help? I cry because the two First Responders would have had lights and sirens blaring. Because I didn't even hear the emergency vehicles with their loud engines revving.
I cry because I was in the silence and didn't know it.
Nicole, my dearest Honorable Daughter, pardon me for the rush off the scalp. I need to wash this energy out of my hair and mind. I love you and I also love Abdul. Share that with him please.
God Bless my neighbour's! God Bless Syria! God Bless America!
I have nothing else to say.
This just happened in the front of my Lodge!
I stepped out to fetch our mail and saw that our neighbour's two doors down had one huge neon green Fire Truck in front of my next door neighbours house and a big neon green ambulance behind it. My neighbour was taken from his home by stretcher and being placed inside of it. I didn't know what to say or do and as I walked towards my neighbours home, another ambulance came up our short cul-de-sac and it was then that I saw our Lady Neighbour on the floor of her living room. Her Son in such a state...
...then two sheriff deputy's came rushing up the block and I began to cry.
I realized the second big neon green ambulance was for her. I cried for my neighbours first because I did not nor do I know now, what has gone wrong in their beautiful home.
And then, I cried because I head none of this commotion going on immediately in front of our House Of Seven Window's. With all windows open! I did not hear any cries for help. What if they called me by name? What if I could have been there to help? I cry because the two First Responders would have had lights and sirens blaring. Because I didn't even hear the emergency vehicles with their loud engines revving.
I cry because I was in the silence and didn't know it.
Nicole, my dearest Honorable Daughter, pardon me for the rush off the scalp. I need to wash this energy out of my hair and mind. I love you and I also love Abdul. Share that with him please.
God Bless my neighbour's! God Bless Syria! God Bless America!
I have nothing else to say.
Meniere's Attack On 12 Nov. 2012, The Observation's Of One Man
Dearest Relations,
This Monday recently passed, while in the after noon and out back with my Italian Cypress garden, what I experienced when my world came to a stop was in fact an attack of the Meniere's...
...I knew in my core this was an attack, but I disregarded it and tried to brush it off. I suppose in it's own way and process' I was punished for such disrespect. Since Monday after noon, I have been in a world of sleep, slumber and dreams. Having slept in the arena of fifty plus hours. Today is a splendidly dark grey and gloomy day that fits nicely against my skin. And wraps about my neck and skull with cool kisses of attempts to ease the discomforts within.
If I had known then what a powerful attack had crossed my path, I would have immediately tidied up and went to lay down. As is my normal routine. There was something within that wanted me to keep pushing forward and through what I was feeling. No matter the dizziness, nausea, sweating and discomforts associated with my post vertigo attacks. There was something deeply moved about when my world came to a halt and in that something, the way my very breathe was taken from my lungs. I have come to realize that I heard no noises or sound during this brief encounter. Not a bird, plane or car, and if not for my dear hound and friend, Ting-Ting, I am not sure where I was heading. Her kisses and licking my arms brought me back down to Mars. I know this much and steadfastly this afternoon, I don't have that much curiosity as to see what or where I was headed within this skull when my world came to a stop. No I don't, and it troubles me none the least.
Over these fifty-plus hours of sleep, I couldn't wait for Brenda to get home. She's my Live In Nurse, Doctor, aka 'Bostwana', my Sweet Heart, The-Pain-In-The-Ass and my dearest Wife. I love her to deaf. I swear I do. It is when Botswana is home I am able to sleep in a different place and experience a deeper state of REM. There isn't any doubt about this observation - when she is at work I am and feel vulnerable. Seen. True, I have the three hounds here with me and I am knowing they would alert me to any issue, yet the sleep is on a different plain. Sometimes deep sleep, while sometimes drifting along in a neither world. Either which-of-way's, I am in a gloomy state of mind and I'm feckin' fine with it. I get these strange sensation's during these times of neither worlds of post Meniere's Disease Vertigo Attacks. The sleep is with me morning, noon and night and blocks of hours come and go. Maybe I eat - maybe I won't. I noticed that I only missed one dosage of medication's over the past couple of days. Enough about the sleep. Dream World is a place all it's own.
During these past few day's I have lost five pounds and that's all I have to say about that.
I observed too many noises and sounds to recall. From deafening acres and acres of untouched North Carolina Mountain Top Woodland's in the hour before dusk. Every bird, every insect and every fellow Earth creature has something to say. There was no breaking of these sounds for well over an hour. Last night, I heard and listened to what sounded like a giant multi personnel carrier helicopter just above my roof top. I just laid there and listened while looking at my ceiling, thinking if this bloody ship was for real, our lives would be in jeopardy. There would be no reason for the Marines to be hoovering over my lodge - unless some shit was about to happen. This horribly loud hoovering noise lasted for twenty or so minutes.
There has been much activity with the Maris Code. In both ears, but mostly in the deaf left one. I don't know, please don't ask. I do say though the activity has been plentiful. Too much chaos! Beeeeeeeeep-beeeeeeeeeeeep-beep-beeeeeeeeeeepity-beep-beep! Long and loud and clear! No! This shit isn't forking "ringing"! Don't freaking tell me that I listen to the 'ringing'! Fuck that! Just please, don't ask if I hear ringing? Just don't. These noises make me wish for ringing. Can't you see?
On a peculiarly positive note, there has been no spider or worm activity since Monday late noon.
I'll share that my hearing has been an accumulation's of very highs and very lows. So low, there were times of absolute and total silence. The "NEW" silence I have experienced. And then there's the silence I have had with the quietude of the silence. When and where I am okay with this. There were times when the volume was set on high and my hearing became sensitive to sound.
The nausea and dizziness have been omni-present. Simply stated, non-productive nausea with enough of a presence to be problematic. The dizziness has been as if I wear a hat of dizziness. My throat sore and my voice hoarse from the nausea. The balance and coordination piece is off. I am awkward enough as it is, for Pete's-Damn-Sake.
Ting-Ting, has been by my side during the majority of these past few days. Always guarding and protecting me and on occasion sleeping next to me. Bless her heart. What an angelic and incredible presence she carries...
...my guardian angel is awesome!
Think I'll return to slumber. God Bless Syria! God Bless America! I am finished.
This Monday recently passed, while in the after noon and out back with my Italian Cypress garden, what I experienced when my world came to a stop was in fact an attack of the Meniere's...
...I knew in my core this was an attack, but I disregarded it and tried to brush it off. I suppose in it's own way and process' I was punished for such disrespect. Since Monday after noon, I have been in a world of sleep, slumber and dreams. Having slept in the arena of fifty plus hours. Today is a splendidly dark grey and gloomy day that fits nicely against my skin. And wraps about my neck and skull with cool kisses of attempts to ease the discomforts within.
If I had known then what a powerful attack had crossed my path, I would have immediately tidied up and went to lay down. As is my normal routine. There was something within that wanted me to keep pushing forward and through what I was feeling. No matter the dizziness, nausea, sweating and discomforts associated with my post vertigo attacks. There was something deeply moved about when my world came to a halt and in that something, the way my very breathe was taken from my lungs. I have come to realize that I heard no noises or sound during this brief encounter. Not a bird, plane or car, and if not for my dear hound and friend, Ting-Ting, I am not sure where I was heading. Her kisses and licking my arms brought me back down to Mars. I know this much and steadfastly this afternoon, I don't have that much curiosity as to see what or where I was headed within this skull when my world came to a stop. No I don't, and it troubles me none the least.
Over these fifty-plus hours of sleep, I couldn't wait for Brenda to get home. She's my Live In Nurse, Doctor, aka 'Bostwana', my Sweet Heart, The-Pain-In-The-Ass and my dearest Wife. I love her to deaf. I swear I do. It is when Botswana is home I am able to sleep in a different place and experience a deeper state of REM. There isn't any doubt about this observation - when she is at work I am and feel vulnerable. Seen. True, I have the three hounds here with me and I am knowing they would alert me to any issue, yet the sleep is on a different plain. Sometimes deep sleep, while sometimes drifting along in a neither world. Either which-of-way's, I am in a gloomy state of mind and I'm feckin' fine with it. I get these strange sensation's during these times of neither worlds of post Meniere's Disease Vertigo Attacks. The sleep is with me morning, noon and night and blocks of hours come and go. Maybe I eat - maybe I won't. I noticed that I only missed one dosage of medication's over the past couple of days. Enough about the sleep. Dream World is a place all it's own.
During these past few day's I have lost five pounds and that's all I have to say about that.
I observed too many noises and sounds to recall. From deafening acres and acres of untouched North Carolina Mountain Top Woodland's in the hour before dusk. Every bird, every insect and every fellow Earth creature has something to say. There was no breaking of these sounds for well over an hour. Last night, I heard and listened to what sounded like a giant multi personnel carrier helicopter just above my roof top. I just laid there and listened while looking at my ceiling, thinking if this bloody ship was for real, our lives would be in jeopardy. There would be no reason for the Marines to be hoovering over my lodge - unless some shit was about to happen. This horribly loud hoovering noise lasted for twenty or so minutes.
There has been much activity with the Maris Code. In both ears, but mostly in the deaf left one. I don't know, please don't ask. I do say though the activity has been plentiful. Too much chaos! Beeeeeeeeep-beeeeeeeeeeeep-beep-beeeeeeeeeeepity-beep-beep! Long and loud and clear! No! This shit isn't forking "ringing"! Don't freaking tell me that I listen to the 'ringing'! Fuck that! Just please, don't ask if I hear ringing? Just don't. These noises make me wish for ringing. Can't you see?
On a peculiarly positive note, there has been no spider or worm activity since Monday late noon.
I'll share that my hearing has been an accumulation's of very highs and very lows. So low, there were times of absolute and total silence. The "NEW" silence I have experienced. And then there's the silence I have had with the quietude of the silence. When and where I am okay with this. There were times when the volume was set on high and my hearing became sensitive to sound.
The nausea and dizziness have been omni-present. Simply stated, non-productive nausea with enough of a presence to be problematic. The dizziness has been as if I wear a hat of dizziness. My throat sore and my voice hoarse from the nausea. The balance and coordination piece is off. I am awkward enough as it is, for Pete's-Damn-Sake.
Ting-Ting, has been by my side during the majority of these past few days. Always guarding and protecting me and on occasion sleeping next to me. Bless her heart. What an angelic and incredible presence she carries...
...my guardian angel is awesome!
Think I'll return to slumber. God Bless Syria! God Bless America! I am finished.
Monday, November 12, 2012
Money Changes Everything - Invisible Disease's
Kindred,
I have learned the hard way, once again, just how much money changes everything.
I have learned through these pressing times over the past four or so years, while going through these invisible disease's and the multiple surgeries and hospitalizations, who my friends really are. I do believe there is room on one hand...
...they're rare, too few and way so far in between. These are the One's who do not abandon a Kindred One, when times go sour. When One is infected and infested with the invisible disease's -friends don't turn their backs on Folks. I bet when I as fit and healthy Folks took all they could. It's different now. I have learned through these changes in Life and Health status's, just who my Kinfolk are too. It's really a pity, because I am so often treated with more respect and kindness by total strangers than them in my Circle. How is it that Kin grow bitter and angry over One's disability? No sense this makes. No, none at all.
The Great One, blessed me with an awesome memory and my memory serves me very well.
I don't ask for shit from anybody. I don't want shit from anybody, but I tell you what, these Folks have treated me just like those I used to know when I stopped smoking or drinking or having party times. JUST like them bastards too! And actually, I don't know if there's much of a difference between these sort...
...them who leach when the going is good and then abandon Relation's when times get bad are just that - "leaches". These are the type who smile and laugh in your face and then bite the back of your neck. These are the sort who have come into your lodge and have broken bread and made promise after promise after promise. Yes, it's true and yes, this gets so old. It's the same old song. But I be damned if this shit is not played over and over again in my life and on My Path. I ask myself, when will I learn? When will I see Folk's for who and what they truly are. When? Seen.
I have learned the hard way, once again, just how much money changes everything.
I have learned through these pressing times over the past four or so years, while going through these invisible disease's and the multiple surgeries and hospitalizations, who my friends really are. I do believe there is room on one hand...
...they're rare, too few and way so far in between. These are the One's who do not abandon a Kindred One, when times go sour. When One is infected and infested with the invisible disease's -friends don't turn their backs on Folks. I bet when I as fit and healthy Folks took all they could. It's different now. I have learned through these changes in Life and Health status's, just who my Kinfolk are too. It's really a pity, because I am so often treated with more respect and kindness by total strangers than them in my Circle. How is it that Kin grow bitter and angry over One's disability? No sense this makes. No, none at all.
The Great One, blessed me with an awesome memory and my memory serves me very well.
I don't ask for shit from anybody. I don't want shit from anybody, but I tell you what, these Folks have treated me just like those I used to know when I stopped smoking or drinking or having party times. JUST like them bastards too! And actually, I don't know if there's much of a difference between these sort...
...them who leach when the going is good and then abandon Relation's when times get bad are just that - "leaches". These are the type who smile and laugh in your face and then bite the back of your neck. These are the sort who have come into your lodge and have broken bread and made promise after promise after promise. Yes, it's true and yes, this gets so old. It's the same old song. But I be damned if this shit is not played over and over again in my life and on My Path. I ask myself, when will I learn? When will I see Folk's for who and what they truly are. When? Seen.
This Meniere's Disease - True Silence
Kindred,
If I may, I would love to sit a spell with you and share with you what this Meniere's has been like today. Although, I think what I'll start off with is the news from last Friday's visit with my Neurologist. Her diagnosis is that I do not have migraine's. After a series of in clinic tests and do this, look at this and that, she has decided that I do not have the migraines. The pains I am living with are from neurological issues post surgery's and complicated by cervical spine issues. From C-1 all the way down through C-5 and 6. I have been prescribed a compound of medication in a rubbing paste of pain reliever's. Yes, I am pleased that I do not have the migraines - but why is it then, that I can't get a straight up answer to my questions as to why I have been living with these pains for so long. Is ALL OF THIS PAIN from the Meniere' or is it from the cervical spine OR is it a combination of both.I've already expressed why I stopped speaking of this. It is really simple actually, I just don't want a pain management doctor. Nor do I wish to be associated with a pain clinic. Frankly, I don't give a damn whether the doctor is this or that as far as a profession. The World and America are aware of the going on's here in Florida with pain clinics. I don't need another doctor first of all, don't need too many more damned shots and or pills, and most importantly, just don't want my name associated with a pain clinic. Albeit, too late, I have been a couple or three times to see doctor and I have seen the folks that go to this clinic and really, I just don't want to. Period. For all of my reasons in my world, I just don't want to. For now, as I have I'll live with these pain attacks, spiders and worms. In my heart, I have believed this to be Meniere's related from the very beginning.
Today, while gardening in the North Yard, I felt my world come to a complete stop. This sensation took my breathe away and it felt as if I was to faint. Ting-Ting, my hound came rushing up to me ad began to lick my face and arms, so I took it as a direct call from Great Spirit through my hound and disengaged. That took place very shortly after speaking with my life long friend Jimmy. I had already pushed myself to being short of breath, but I continued to push and kept on trucking...
...until, everything came to a stop. I still carry this sensation in my head and throat. It is very meniere's attack like but it did not go there. So I sit here sweating and feeling the dizziness and nausea messing with my head and energy.
I have learned what true silence is. True silence is silent and it is dreadfully quiet and there is no hearing one's heart beat or an exhalation or the sound of what is going on out of doors. This silence is so quiet that there are no noises or sounds to trouble me or my ears with. I know now. There is a massive difference in what it is I thought quiet was. Or what silence is. It is still necessary that I wait for the right ear to catch up and wake with the rest of me in he morning. There are times when this takes longer than the last week. Or the last month. Knowing what this silence sounds like does not make this process any easier or better. It's sick and it sucks. I just don't know what else to say about this right now. So, I won't say anything.
WAIT! Just got off the telephone with a pharmacy in Bradenton, Florida. These are the Folks who have received prescription from my neurologist. My insurance has refused and will not cover this compound because it is made in a different pharmacy than the one we use ordinarily. What the?
Seen.
If I may, I would love to sit a spell with you and share with you what this Meniere's has been like today. Although, I think what I'll start off with is the news from last Friday's visit with my Neurologist. Her diagnosis is that I do not have migraine's. After a series of in clinic tests and do this, look at this and that, she has decided that I do not have the migraines. The pains I am living with are from neurological issues post surgery's and complicated by cervical spine issues. From C-1 all the way down through C-5 and 6. I have been prescribed a compound of medication in a rubbing paste of pain reliever's. Yes, I am pleased that I do not have the migraines - but why is it then, that I can't get a straight up answer to my questions as to why I have been living with these pains for so long. Is ALL OF THIS PAIN from the Meniere' or is it from the cervical spine OR is it a combination of both.I've already expressed why I stopped speaking of this. It is really simple actually, I just don't want a pain management doctor. Nor do I wish to be associated with a pain clinic. Frankly, I don't give a damn whether the doctor is this or that as far as a profession. The World and America are aware of the going on's here in Florida with pain clinics. I don't need another doctor first of all, don't need too many more damned shots and or pills, and most importantly, just don't want my name associated with a pain clinic. Albeit, too late, I have been a couple or three times to see doctor and I have seen the folks that go to this clinic and really, I just don't want to. Period. For all of my reasons in my world, I just don't want to. For now, as I have I'll live with these pain attacks, spiders and worms. In my heart, I have believed this to be Meniere's related from the very beginning.
Today, while gardening in the North Yard, I felt my world come to a complete stop. This sensation took my breathe away and it felt as if I was to faint. Ting-Ting, my hound came rushing up to me ad began to lick my face and arms, so I took it as a direct call from Great Spirit through my hound and disengaged. That took place very shortly after speaking with my life long friend Jimmy. I had already pushed myself to being short of breath, but I continued to push and kept on trucking...
...until, everything came to a stop. I still carry this sensation in my head and throat. It is very meniere's attack like but it did not go there. So I sit here sweating and feeling the dizziness and nausea messing with my head and energy.
I have learned what true silence is. True silence is silent and it is dreadfully quiet and there is no hearing one's heart beat or an exhalation or the sound of what is going on out of doors. This silence is so quiet that there are no noises or sounds to trouble me or my ears with. I know now. There is a massive difference in what it is I thought quiet was. Or what silence is. It is still necessary that I wait for the right ear to catch up and wake with the rest of me in he morning. There are times when this takes longer than the last week. Or the last month. Knowing what this silence sounds like does not make this process any easier or better. It's sick and it sucks. I just don't know what else to say about this right now. So, I won't say anything.
WAIT! Just got off the telephone with a pharmacy in Bradenton, Florida. These are the Folks who have received prescription from my neurologist. My insurance has refused and will not cover this compound because it is made in a different pharmacy than the one we use ordinarily. What the?
Seen.
Peter Tosh - Igziabeher Let Jah Be Praised (1976)
Kindred,
As this came from his mouth...
...Igziabeher, Let Jah Be Praised,
Yes, Peter, Let Jah Be Praised.
I miss you to this today.
One God. One Love. One Fan and Friend, me
Let Jah Be Praised
Hello,
My name is Mario and I welcome you to My Path.
I would like to back-track a moment or two and would like to take a step back in my brain's to share something I have been holding on to since mid-October. There was a very small note made in the local newspaper then about "Jamaica honors Wailer Peter Tosh"...
...so brief, it made me sick in the heart. So let me share it with you.
"Twenty-five years after his murder, Jamaica's government on Monday honored the contributions of reggae musician and song writer Peter Tosh. His daughter Niambe, an educator from Boston, received the post-humous order of merit - the country's third highest honor - on behalf of her father in Kingston. Tosh was a founding member of the Wailers, forming the three-man core with Bob Marley and Bunny "Wailer" Livingston. Tosh was killed at age 42 in 1987 by robbers in his home."
That's it. This what we get when the government is run by the White Ruler's. Seen.
No photo or quotes or songs mentioned. Twenty-five years after his execution? I have always suspected the Jamaican government having involvement in this. There are many others with same idea in mind.
Perhaps better late than never, but really. Mr. Tosh, loved his country more than his country loved him. Apparently this is made obvious by this twenty five year delay.
Igziabeher (Let Jah Be Praised)
My name is Mario and I welcome you to My Path.
I would like to back-track a moment or two and would like to take a step back in my brain's to share something I have been holding on to since mid-October. There was a very small note made in the local newspaper then about "Jamaica honors Wailer Peter Tosh"...
...so brief, it made me sick in the heart. So let me share it with you.
"Twenty-five years after his murder, Jamaica's government on Monday honored the contributions of reggae musician and song writer Peter Tosh. His daughter Niambe, an educator from Boston, received the post-humous order of merit - the country's third highest honor - on behalf of her father in Kingston. Tosh was a founding member of the Wailers, forming the three-man core with Bob Marley and Bunny "Wailer" Livingston. Tosh was killed at age 42 in 1987 by robbers in his home."
That's it. This what we get when the government is run by the White Ruler's. Seen.
No photo or quotes or songs mentioned. Twenty-five years after his execution? I have always suspected the Jamaican government having involvement in this. There are many others with same idea in mind.
Perhaps better late than never, but really. Mr. Tosh, loved his country more than his country loved him. Apparently this is made obvious by this twenty five year delay.
Igziabeher (Let Jah Be Praised)
Thursday, November 8, 2012
Neurologist, Meniere's & Begging, No Migraines
I will be off to visit with the Neurologist early in the morrow morning. Am not concerned or worried about whatever may be exchanged when doctor and I have our face to face. This visit is a matter of following instructions. My bodies language, along with the pain and discomfort in my neck, ears and shoulders. I am familiar with the verbiage and will listen to the abouts of the degenerative bone disease of the cervical spine and slipped or bulging disc's and the consequences of both.
No. Hold it, no, not according to my crystal ball or the palms of my hands are there any surgeries in my future. Pneumonia, perhaps. Tis the season for my annual case of pneumonia. A part of life for my lungs and I. It sure would be so bonus to by-pass that whole piece this year. Now that I'm covered 100% by the insurance company, I'll fly right on through the remainder of this year healthier than the pardoned turkey at the White House...
...in my life, that's not Murphy's Law anymore. This has become a Mario-ism. Yes. Damn it, if it's poop that is going to happen, my name is in the situation somewhere or somehow. A write in ballot. The Murphy's are evicted for shits sake! It's now all about them damned Mario-isms.
Meniere's has played with my emotions today. The dizziness and the nausea. Sweating as if I was at the sauna. The popping in my right ear all-the-day-long and sounds interfering with my difficulty hearing. Speaking of hearing, the whole listening experience was way way off today. Even with my Baha, the listening piece was just shit poor. I noticed that my Aunt Candi noticed that she was sitting on 'the bad side' of my skull - the side with the implant. Although today, both sides had a tough time. It sure was good to hear a different raised voice. Nothing lost on the translation piece. Not a thing. Oh yes, I do wish to share that there was a squadron of fighter jets swooping down and about the lodge last night. Seen. It sounded as if they were to drop bombs, my Lodge, my wife and my hounds and I would have been long gone. No, I didn't mention this to Brenda, my darlin' wife, because I didn't want to concern her any. She wouldn't have worried about the jets - she would have had concern for me.
I tell you what, if I find out this had something to do with that damned Martin Clan, there will be some feuding going on in this county right here for sure.
Please, Great One, Bless my visit with doctor in the morrow. Please Great One, just No Meniere's + Migranes' scenario, please. It's all about a better state of health, mind, body and spirit's. Jah!
No. Hold it, no, not according to my crystal ball or the palms of my hands are there any surgeries in my future. Pneumonia, perhaps. Tis the season for my annual case of pneumonia. A part of life for my lungs and I. It sure would be so bonus to by-pass that whole piece this year. Now that I'm covered 100% by the insurance company, I'll fly right on through the remainder of this year healthier than the pardoned turkey at the White House...
...in my life, that's not Murphy's Law anymore. This has become a Mario-ism. Yes. Damn it, if it's poop that is going to happen, my name is in the situation somewhere or somehow. A write in ballot. The Murphy's are evicted for shits sake! It's now all about them damned Mario-isms.
Meniere's has played with my emotions today. The dizziness and the nausea. Sweating as if I was at the sauna. The popping in my right ear all-the-day-long and sounds interfering with my difficulty hearing. Speaking of hearing, the whole listening experience was way way off today. Even with my Baha, the listening piece was just shit poor. I noticed that my Aunt Candi noticed that she was sitting on 'the bad side' of my skull - the side with the implant. Although today, both sides had a tough time. It sure was good to hear a different raised voice. Nothing lost on the translation piece. Not a thing. Oh yes, I do wish to share that there was a squadron of fighter jets swooping down and about the lodge last night. Seen. It sounded as if they were to drop bombs, my Lodge, my wife and my hounds and I would have been long gone. No, I didn't mention this to Brenda, my darlin' wife, because I didn't want to concern her any. She wouldn't have worried about the jets - she would have had concern for me.
I tell you what, if I find out this had something to do with that damned Martin Clan, there will be some feuding going on in this county right here for sure.
Please, Great One, Bless my visit with doctor in the morrow. Please Great One, just No Meniere's + Migranes' scenario, please. It's all about a better state of health, mind, body and spirit's. Jah!
A Good Day To Be Alive, Thanks Tia!
Relations,
There's a beautiful bright Sun shining down on this part of Earth Mother today. Here now, where the channel runs behind the lodge - not a cloud in the sky to cover the majestic sheet of blue that covers the sky hemisphere to hemisphere...
...I tell myself that it is a good day to die, yes, but it sure has been an awesome day to be alive. I'll relish in this day that was blessed to be the day I would spend time with my Aunt Candi, break bread at an old Tampa Cuban restaurant and spend some wonderful quality time with my 94 year old Grandmother. Being in her company and having conversation was an infusion of energy that was from a different era yet applied and was good medicine for today. An energy that transcends time. A bi-gone era has relevance on My Path today. This connection was there between my Tia (Aunt) and I too. She being but a few years older than I had created a Big Sister thing years ago and I think every once in a bit, I still feel that connection from our youth. A bi-gone era, our youth.
My Aunt (Tia), brought over with her two photo albums my sister Margarita, aka "Rosie, Don't You Do That To The Boy's", had put together with so many photographs of Kinfolk from my Mom's branches and her youth. My Grandpa Roy, and his youth and his branches. My Great Grand Mothers. My Great Great Grandmother's and their branches. The photos of branches established on my Dad's side of this giant tree. Photographs of our parents seven as children. Seeing these photo's Margarita, has been an extraordinary way of sharing your love for all of our Kinfolk. And for me. It is an honor to have received these gifts of our many Kinfolks history. My eye orbs drip fresh water.
I think of our branches, mine and the Wife. Those branches that have not yet been established - the Kinfolk, I've yet to meet. Will I meet? Depends on what the Great Spirit has in store for My Path and I. For the time being, I'll occupy my time with living today.
Tia Candi, thank you for an awesome day out and about! I had a super time! Mucho love!
There's a beautiful bright Sun shining down on this part of Earth Mother today. Here now, where the channel runs behind the lodge - not a cloud in the sky to cover the majestic sheet of blue that covers the sky hemisphere to hemisphere...
...I tell myself that it is a good day to die, yes, but it sure has been an awesome day to be alive. I'll relish in this day that was blessed to be the day I would spend time with my Aunt Candi, break bread at an old Tampa Cuban restaurant and spend some wonderful quality time with my 94 year old Grandmother. Being in her company and having conversation was an infusion of energy that was from a different era yet applied and was good medicine for today. An energy that transcends time. A bi-gone era has relevance on My Path today. This connection was there between my Tia (Aunt) and I too. She being but a few years older than I had created a Big Sister thing years ago and I think every once in a bit, I still feel that connection from our youth. A bi-gone era, our youth.
My Aunt (Tia), brought over with her two photo albums my sister Margarita, aka "Rosie, Don't You Do That To The Boy's", had put together with so many photographs of Kinfolk from my Mom's branches and her youth. My Grandpa Roy, and his youth and his branches. My Great Grand Mothers. My Great Great Grandmother's and their branches. The photos of branches established on my Dad's side of this giant tree. Photographs of our parents seven as children. Seeing these photo's Margarita, has been an extraordinary way of sharing your love for all of our Kinfolk. And for me. It is an honor to have received these gifts of our many Kinfolks history. My eye orbs drip fresh water.
I think of our branches, mine and the Wife. Those branches that have not yet been established - the Kinfolk, I've yet to meet. Will I meet? Depends on what the Great Spirit has in store for My Path and I. For the time being, I'll occupy my time with living today.
Tia Candi, thank you for an awesome day out and about! I had a super time! Mucho love!
Wednesday, November 7, 2012
I Don't Know How To Describe
Dearest Relations,
I had a surreal experience while at the super market just a spell ago. At the Winn Dixie over across from this mixed race reservation. I walked there today, walked instead of sleeping and went with just so many dollars in my pocket. I wanted to get as much for the twenty five in my pocket...
...I didn't expect an emotional response from shopping there a couple of hours ago. All I know, is I broke out in a sweat and had to find an isle that was not inhabited by another. I cryed as if I was watching "An Affair To Remember". The dam burst and it had to happen at the Winn Dixie, The Beef People Super Market. I miss shopping where shopping is a pleasure, but that super market is to damned far to walk. Must be about fifteen country miles from our House of 7 Windows. Winn Dixie, provides me an avenue with which to escape for an hour or so. Shop, look about, flirt about and what not. All of which, I did do, but damn Honey's, my heart busted at the market.
I mean, how on all of Mother Earth, am I asked to purchase one pound of beef wienie's for six-hot-damned-dollars. Oh, no. I left them and their kosher wienie's at the store. But I did do some squeezing the booger out of that damned Jefferson nickel! I think this is what hit me square in the heart...
...it seems like it was just yesterday that I had to sell off some stock to help out and make ends meet. Did so with gladness. Wasn't it just a week or so ago we exhausted our savings at the bank. I don't know how to describe...
...have taken my coins to the coin-star and traded in old Savings Bonds, for the cash my wife and I need today. It fells like it was just last month we had to hit our IRA. I know Babe. I know.
I swear this feels like it did back when we were married for three or four years, a little baby angel or two and we were struggling, but this really is not supposed to be like this at our age of fifty something...
...crying at the Winn Dixie.
God Bless America! God Bless me an my Brenda!
I had a surreal experience while at the super market just a spell ago. At the Winn Dixie over across from this mixed race reservation. I walked there today, walked instead of sleeping and went with just so many dollars in my pocket. I wanted to get as much for the twenty five in my pocket...
...I didn't expect an emotional response from shopping there a couple of hours ago. All I know, is I broke out in a sweat and had to find an isle that was not inhabited by another. I cryed as if I was watching "An Affair To Remember". The dam burst and it had to happen at the Winn Dixie, The Beef People Super Market. I miss shopping where shopping is a pleasure, but that super market is to damned far to walk. Must be about fifteen country miles from our House of 7 Windows. Winn Dixie, provides me an avenue with which to escape for an hour or so. Shop, look about, flirt about and what not. All of which, I did do, but damn Honey's, my heart busted at the market.
I mean, how on all of Mother Earth, am I asked to purchase one pound of beef wienie's for six-hot-damned-dollars. Oh, no. I left them and their kosher wienie's at the store. But I did do some squeezing the booger out of that damned Jefferson nickel! I think this is what hit me square in the heart...
...it seems like it was just yesterday that I had to sell off some stock to help out and make ends meet. Did so with gladness. Wasn't it just a week or so ago we exhausted our savings at the bank. I don't know how to describe...
...have taken my coins to the coin-star and traded in old Savings Bonds, for the cash my wife and I need today. It fells like it was just last month we had to hit our IRA. I know Babe. I know.
I swear this feels like it did back when we were married for three or four years, a little baby angel or two and we were struggling, but this really is not supposed to be like this at our age of fifty something...
...crying at the Winn Dixie.
God Bless America! God Bless me an my Brenda!
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