The worms in my head played until I fell off to Dream World yesterday evening. So far today they've been quiet. They probably partied to much.
I am dizzy at this moment and have nothing to blame but this meniere's and illness. I suspect with the medications I've been eating since Friday, the illness is beginning to lose. I sure hope so anyway's. Meniere's remains.
Have been so exhausted that I've been getting to bed earlier than usual the past few days. I have been successful in fighting off the day time sleep. Which for me is a good and happy thing.
My left Deaf ear has been picking up some steady beeps. These beeps are loud and sound as if they may be coming from some place near by. I'm thinking it's coming straight out of Cuba. Fidel, is sending out an SOS to the old U.S.S.R. Poor old man, has forgotten Russia is no longer a communist country. Other than the beeps, I have been listening to loud pops that startle the poop out of me.
My right good bad ear has been shit poor with the hearing process for days. The sinus infection I am sure does not help matters much. Yesterday was especially bad...
...thinking back, I think this was a motivating factor in my going to bed so early yesterday. Besides the exhaustion. Why cry? It doesn't do me any damned good. Besides the poor hearing I have been hearing the locusts, cicadas, and crickets competing to see who can be the loudest. Bloody bastards. Sometimes I want to stick an ice pick in there. See if that helps. This ear continues to ploop and plop. The voices remain. The sounds do too.
I have been eating my anti-sad medication as ordered. Yet continue to cry for or at just about anything. The thoughts of death pass me by daily. The thoughts of doing harm to this handsome body of mine continues...
...what am I to do? I just really don't know.
Nausea is bad enough to give me a gag in my throat. Yesterday it was productive. So far today, not.
Look, I am so tired of living like this. There's a rubber band that's twisted about my brain and my heart. What do you want me to say? That maybe someday it'll snap. I can't say. I don't have the knowledge of the language.
The nausea and tipsy dizziness has me in a right good messy sweat. It will be the right thing to shower before my daughter takes me to visit with Sir Dude...
...way too much time has passed since I say him last. This visit is over due. Due to illness and vertigo attack last Monday, I very truly failed to remember our appointtment. I am so sorry for missing our gathering. I need these visits in a bad way...
...no doubt.
Folks, may The One God, be with you and all relations. Seems like this disease has created so much distance between Relations and I. This makes my heart bad and sad. I love Folks and my Relations.
I'm so lonely and I can't stand it much more.
I cry for the night bird...
...sometimes I cry silently to myself for him.
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