...and now that close to forty-eight hours have passed me by, of which I have slept forty, I gather my senses to jot a note or few down here in one of my Mental/Emotional Safe Places...
There remains a mesh of illness I've caught myself in that wrecks havoc on the meniere's. The sleeping is one of the post meniere's attack sypmtoms that really takes a hold of my life and I. It squeezes the energies from my body...my being. So frustrating...
...this same frustration I carry now. I'll return to slumber directly.
My head spins and the dizziness brings a knot of nausea to what feel's like the top of my throat. Many times I have stuck my finger or two down my throat to feel it or to bring up whatever it is that has my throat feeling sore and full and aches from gagging. At this moment, I wear a ten gallon hat of sweat.
I really don't want to be awake at this very moment. I am so sick of being sick and yes, I remind myself every day how blessed I am not to have one of "them diseases". And am thankful to God. It's just, my Dears, this never-ending story of meniere's and asthma is a life long torture. Along with the other diseases I have, all of this is such a deadly cocktail.
There is something inside my Core that insists I "push" the envelope...
...well today I ask myself, please kindly kiss my slimming ass...
Why, yes, slimming. I have continued to lose weight and substance while gaining a defining fore arm and most certainly I'm pleased with my biceps. When I have the good and strong days I lift my little ten pound kettle bar. Like, good-goodness! I don't think I had these arms while in the United States Army. Child please, yes it's true. I was to cool back then, ya see?
Positive thought there...
Right.
My inner core wants me to Push what? Today, the pick it up to push it is in a very low place. I feel and acknowledge the magnet that become's my bed and I during times after an attack. I will lay back down soon because if I don't I will surely smash into something or lose footing to land on an already pained and aching frame. Yes, I will return to Dream World.
A fantastic thought just passed me by and thought I would share. That being, maybe just pushing and tip-tapping these keys is today's way of pushing the envelope. I like that. Well alright then. This brings a smile to my face. And I start to cry.
Let me share something real quick about my wiggling eye orbs. Since the attack I've gotten this odd wiggling in my eye's and whatever it is I am looking at gets all wiggly. I don't remember having this sensation before. It happens while reading - so yes, while typing the letters have gotten all wiggly. Shit. A new post vertigo attack symptom. I have just called She-Who-Is-Wonderful at He-Who-Touched-My-Brain's office. I fell something subduing.
The Worms have played well together off and on thus far today.
My Deaf Left Ear listens to a jet plane rev-up it's engines in my back yard. This has gone on for 2.5 hours. Aloud damn it! As in my left ear thinks there is a jet in my back yard. I mean, really. There has been ache and pain in my left ear and skull. My Right Good Bad Ear has been hyper-sensitive today and has been listening to chirpings. Like a nest of birds live in my ear. A constant, chirp-chirp-chirping-chirp. What in the shit is this? Look, I get so tired of living like this....
...am I destined to go mad?
I suspect the infection that was in sinus is now in my lungs. I cough alot and have coughed so much I have created spots of pain in my chest and lungs. The sinus piece, as far as productivity has improved. The pains on my face have not. What was being produced there is being produced over here now.
Look I have to wrap this communique up. I am exhausted and dream world calls me by first name. Dream world has been too active. I still work in my Dream World, so I mustn't be tardy.
I am afraid today. A dread has occupied my chest...
...as if my chest has gone hollow.
Great Spirit...
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