Why it is I still find myself bewildered and troubled about being judged - is very honestly beyond me and the beliefs I have about being open and honest with the communiques I publish on this Blog. I suspect if I were to fabricate a life or perjure my very being - many would find things delightful and amusing...
...and even then, I admit there are times when I am in fact delightful and amusing. But, Good-God! I'm not going to misrepresent this mortal coil. I am not perfect and have never been perfect. I am me. I am who I am. I am a Survivor! I have no reason to lie in this Life or on this Path. Soon, my time here will no longer be. Why lie? Shit, there's alot of work in lieing! I have enough to do here to keep me afloat. Besides, I live so the preacher don't have to lie. ("Leann Womack")
All I've ever asked is that one not judge me or what it is I have lived to tell. You do not know how my shoes fit. You did not see "life" with my eye's. If you my Kindred and Relations are compelled to judge me for these words I share, I kindly ask you to disengage from my Spirit's and I, and move on...
...I have already felt the verdicts rendered and smell the shit over being honest and open about my Path and Trails - today's and the yester-years.
Interestingly enough, I now find myself in a conundrum.
If some in my Circle feel it necessary to put on unblemished masks - then so be it. You forget I have seen all your masks and I listen as you gnash your teeth. So pathetic. I will not permit myself to be shamed for being honest. Shit, I am a grown ass man...
...why lie?
No more games with my words please.
If my truths disturb your lies that bad - go shit on someone else's yard. If your lies are that important to you, then take them and you else-where. Now then, let it be done...
...just don't. Please, just don't disturb my truthful way of speaking. Nor the sincere routes of My Path. I walk here as it was Great Spirit, had planned long before I ever made it to Earth Mother.
My heart is saddened and heavy. What can you do? And no my dear friend in the other "Georgia", I won't say it...
Love and peace...
John Wayne, do you want to take a look and see at the garden?
Just NO running damn it!
Friday, September 30, 2011
Thursday, September 29, 2011
I Say, I Miss...
I miss my Honorable Daughter Nicole, who lives in a land very far and away. I love you dear one and no matter your age, you are and will always be my baby girl. I Promise. Oh, I have not deleted the texts I sent to you while you were boarding the plane. God, my heart will never ever forget the anguish I witnessed your Mom and sister go through. I so wanted to cry out loud! I man'ed up for you sweety. I also felt this anguish in my heart and mind. Your photographs are here near by so all I have to do is look up or look to my left...
...or look from with-in.
I miss my Mom and Dad...
...as I miss my little brother David. I miss my Grandpa Roy.
I miss my dear friend, Old-Kindred-Spirit. Some too time has passed since we last spoke. I pray all is well. I also miss my Medicine Woman, who lives up the highway a piece. Stewie, She-Who-Shared-Healing-With-Me, I miss you. Why yes, Stewie, I miss you much!
...I miss She-Who-Lives-With-The-Cherokee, up that way in the Georgia - North Carolina border. The Smokies are absolutly brilliant this time of year. I miss Cherokee! Too much time and too long ago was my last visit.
I miss my Abuela Mimi and my Abuelo Luis, my dearest Great Grand Parents. I miss my cousin John Michael. I miss my cousin Armando. I miss my Aunt Helen and Aunt Reba and their stories of generations come and gone, the Cherokee's and stories of the Trail of Tears and what it was like to live in these beautiful mountains. No plumbing, no tap, no electricity, and folks, this was up into the 1970's! Oh, and how I miss Mom's fantastic stories too. My Uncle Roy, is the last connection to our Cherokee heritage. Well, other than that brilliant blood flowing through my veins.
I miss my Relations in South Miami, Miami Lakes, Boca Raton, Miramar, Davie, Sarasota, and Key West. My dear Neice, She-Who-Keeps-The-Smile and her beautiful children. Holla, Nephew! 1017'er coming up! You all are very sorely missed. I also miss my Relations in Tennessee, Ohio, North Carolina, Kentucky, and them Who Live In The Swamps of Louisana. My heart yearns for your hugs...and a sip of that fine Moon Shine.
I miss The Everglades with emotion. My brothers and I would spend days out and about the entire Everglades system. On foot, on motor boat or canoe.
I miss ALL of those who are/were fellow Partners of mine at Starbucks Coffee Company...so many who became friends and remain same. So many who taught me lessons that I will carry the remainder of my days. I miss the Starbucks Coffee Company! I miss Starbucks Coffee. I still remember my Partner number too, this is how much I loved this job.
I miss being able to jump in my P.T. Cruiser and hitting the high-ways and by-way's of this beautiful State of Florida. My Home State of Florida. Damn it, I miss driving! Am not permitted due to the Meniere's Disease and the vertigo attacks that stike me on a rather regular basis.
I miss being able to walk without the aid of a four-legged cane or walker.
I miss not being able to run.
I miss my friend Who Lives Amongst The Creek and Cherokee. So many years - so many decades have passed since we were last in each others company. My Life Long friend from an Island far, far away. If only you knew...
I miss my friends who are the French Canadians. My heart beats with your blood...
I miss my Abuela Mary. She's alive and 91 years of age. But our visits are rare and uncommon. There was a time in my life when she was the most important WOman in the world to me. My dearest Abuela, I love you still!
I miss having two ears with which to listen with. I lament the loss of stereo. The capability of listening to one speak with-out any issues.
I miss Life as I knew it not long ago. Shit happens!
Things change with the passing of the clock...
...tick-tock, tick-tock, Life Fly's right on time...tick-tock, tick-tock.
...or look from with-in.
I miss my Mom and Dad...
...as I miss my little brother David. I miss my Grandpa Roy.
I miss my dear friend, Old-Kindred-Spirit. Some too time has passed since we last spoke. I pray all is well. I also miss my Medicine Woman, who lives up the highway a piece. Stewie, She-Who-Shared-Healing-With-Me, I miss you. Why yes, Stewie, I miss you much!
...I miss She-Who-Lives-With-The-Cherokee, up that way in the Georgia - North Carolina border. The Smokies are absolutly brilliant this time of year. I miss Cherokee! Too much time and too long ago was my last visit.
I miss my Abuela Mimi and my Abuelo Luis, my dearest Great Grand Parents. I miss my cousin John Michael. I miss my cousin Armando. I miss my Aunt Helen and Aunt Reba and their stories of generations come and gone, the Cherokee's and stories of the Trail of Tears and what it was like to live in these beautiful mountains. No plumbing, no tap, no electricity, and folks, this was up into the 1970's! Oh, and how I miss Mom's fantastic stories too. My Uncle Roy, is the last connection to our Cherokee heritage. Well, other than that brilliant blood flowing through my veins.
I miss my Relations in South Miami, Miami Lakes, Boca Raton, Miramar, Davie, Sarasota, and Key West. My dear Neice, She-Who-Keeps-The-Smile and her beautiful children. Holla, Nephew! 1017'er coming up! You all are very sorely missed. I also miss my Relations in Tennessee, Ohio, North Carolina, Kentucky, and them Who Live In The Swamps of Louisana. My heart yearns for your hugs...and a sip of that fine Moon Shine.
I miss The Everglades with emotion. My brothers and I would spend days out and about the entire Everglades system. On foot, on motor boat or canoe.
I miss ALL of those who are/were fellow Partners of mine at Starbucks Coffee Company...so many who became friends and remain same. So many who taught me lessons that I will carry the remainder of my days. I miss the Starbucks Coffee Company! I miss Starbucks Coffee. I still remember my Partner number too, this is how much I loved this job.
I miss being able to jump in my P.T. Cruiser and hitting the high-ways and by-way's of this beautiful State of Florida. My Home State of Florida. Damn it, I miss driving! Am not permitted due to the Meniere's Disease and the vertigo attacks that stike me on a rather regular basis.
I miss being able to walk without the aid of a four-legged cane or walker.
I miss not being able to run.
I miss my friend Who Lives Amongst The Creek and Cherokee. So many years - so many decades have passed since we were last in each others company. My Life Long friend from an Island far, far away. If only you knew...
I miss my friends who are the French Canadians. My heart beats with your blood...
I miss my Abuela Mary. She's alive and 91 years of age. But our visits are rare and uncommon. There was a time in my life when she was the most important WOman in the world to me. My dearest Abuela, I love you still!
I miss having two ears with which to listen with. I lament the loss of stereo. The capability of listening to one speak with-out any issues.
I miss Life as I knew it not long ago. Shit happens!
Things change with the passing of the clock...
...tick-tock, tick-tock, Life Fly's right on time...tick-tock, tick-tock.
Meniere's Disease, Gardening and I
Did a bit of gardening earlier and am paying the consequences of the activity now...
...I do suspect this stirred up the meniere's piece real good. It was necessary for me to stop at 1300. Then showered with extreme caution and I am still sweating. Not the perspiration or misting - this is sweating. I began the task of gardening at exactly 1000. I mean, look, I was on my knees for bloody Pete's sake! And under my knee's was a foam cushion. Okay then? I thought you knew. The garden in our South West yard looks way pretty and nicer than before. It just came with an expensive cost/price.
I am dizzy about the top of my skull - as if I have a halo of dizziness wrapped about like the Rings Of Saturn. The spinning had gotten so bad I had to lean on our wooden fence to gather my thoughts and my selves. I knew when I was unable to support this heavy rump - it was time to stop gardening.
There were several times I thought I would vomit. Twice times the contents of my stomach reached mid-throat. The acidity reached my teeth and taste buds. Colgate and I are friends...
The hearing in my right ear had been satisfactory until after I got in trouble with Miss. Meniere's and showered. The really bad and horrifying explosions that only I seem to be able to hear has visited me twice this week. It's like "BOOM"!, out of the blue clear sky! While out by my Pine Tree, gardening. I thought someone had taken a drive-by shotgun shot at me. Ya-Hey, I don't know! It scares the shit out of me! This is not normal, Kindred. It's simply not right. It happened moments before I threw in the towel. Oh and yes, I do jump, jerk, scream like a silly Big Boy, and when this happens, whoever is with me also receives a loud Big Girl screaming and jumping or jerking about. I don't know, what can I say? The hearing in said right ear is running me mad. Right now, the hearing is fair and sounds as if I had a hallow cone/tube projecting from it. Tunnel like!
My Left Deaf ear is nearly Deaf. Although I am listening to one of those Australian instruments that go like this...whirrrrrrrrrl, whirrrrrrrrrrrrrl, whirrrrrrrrrrl. Like that! Over and fucken over - whirling about in my Dear Deaf Left Ear. For the past two hours.
The worms are inactive so far today. I mean, really? Bonus!
Yes, I took multiple Ten Minute breaks. That's a Starbucks Thang. You wouldn't understand.
I need to call time out for a little while. These symptoms are working on my last nerve and I suppose it would be the right thing to do to lay down for a spell. Meditate, pray and try to gather my Spirit's.
Peace and Love to all Relations...
...John Wayne and I are down for spell. John Wayne, stop it damn it!
...I do suspect this stirred up the meniere's piece real good. It was necessary for me to stop at 1300. Then showered with extreme caution and I am still sweating. Not the perspiration or misting - this is sweating. I began the task of gardening at exactly 1000. I mean, look, I was on my knees for bloody Pete's sake! And under my knee's was a foam cushion. Okay then? I thought you knew. The garden in our South West yard looks way pretty and nicer than before. It just came with an expensive cost/price.
I am dizzy about the top of my skull - as if I have a halo of dizziness wrapped about like the Rings Of Saturn. The spinning had gotten so bad I had to lean on our wooden fence to gather my thoughts and my selves. I knew when I was unable to support this heavy rump - it was time to stop gardening.
There were several times I thought I would vomit. Twice times the contents of my stomach reached mid-throat. The acidity reached my teeth and taste buds. Colgate and I are friends...
The hearing in my right ear had been satisfactory until after I got in trouble with Miss. Meniere's and showered. The really bad and horrifying explosions that only I seem to be able to hear has visited me twice this week. It's like "BOOM"!, out of the blue clear sky! While out by my Pine Tree, gardening. I thought someone had taken a drive-by shotgun shot at me. Ya-Hey, I don't know! It scares the shit out of me! This is not normal, Kindred. It's simply not right. It happened moments before I threw in the towel. Oh and yes, I do jump, jerk, scream like a silly Big Boy, and when this happens, whoever is with me also receives a loud Big Girl screaming and jumping or jerking about. I don't know, what can I say? The hearing in said right ear is running me mad. Right now, the hearing is fair and sounds as if I had a hallow cone/tube projecting from it. Tunnel like!
My Left Deaf ear is nearly Deaf. Although I am listening to one of those Australian instruments that go like this...whirrrrrrrrrl, whirrrrrrrrrrrrrl, whirrrrrrrrrrl. Like that! Over and fucken over - whirling about in my Dear Deaf Left Ear. For the past two hours.
The worms are inactive so far today. I mean, really? Bonus!
Yes, I took multiple Ten Minute breaks. That's a Starbucks Thang. You wouldn't understand.
I need to call time out for a little while. These symptoms are working on my last nerve and I suppose it would be the right thing to do to lay down for a spell. Meditate, pray and try to gather my Spirit's.
Peace and Love to all Relations...
...John Wayne and I are down for spell. John Wayne, stop it damn it!
Wednesday, September 28, 2011
Banking Discrimination and Financial Matter's
I dislike that I feel less of a customer at the bank Brenda and I tend to our financial matters with...
...due to the illness I carry with me from day to day - which is the same disease that caused me to lose the best job I ever had, I just am not bringing in the monies that assisted us in living. Like when I worked at Starbucks, or even when I maintained two J.O.B.'s, just a short few years ago. AND facilitate two support groups for Incest Survivors and Survivors of Sexual Abuse.
You see, back then I was one of "their" customers with the CD's, Money Market's. Savings, Checking, etc., etc., all things were different. I share with you this right now, our Representative would rush out of his office to greet Brenda and I.
It is necessary I live without the tools I need to assist me with hearing or the lack of hearing, safety alarms, telephones I can use and enjoy, and security.
Now when my wife and I suffer with financial issues. Now while downtrodden, with the Meinier's et al, it's a whole different game, Hun. It's almost as if I am being kindly asked to fuck off.
I may not be able to actually attend to our business's matters right now, but I bet I'll be more of an assistant to the one who does. My Spice Wife. I am so sorry, my dear BFFF!!!
John Wayne, get your ass over here. We gotta go see Sir Dude...
...and ewwwwwwww damn it! I think I might could use some one on one time right about now! Bless Sir Dude's heart...
...due to the illness I carry with me from day to day - which is the same disease that caused me to lose the best job I ever had, I just am not bringing in the monies that assisted us in living. Like when I worked at Starbucks, or even when I maintained two J.O.B.'s, just a short few years ago. AND facilitate two support groups for Incest Survivors and Survivors of Sexual Abuse.
You see, back then I was one of "their" customers with the CD's, Money Market's. Savings, Checking, etc., etc., all things were different. I share with you this right now, our Representative would rush out of his office to greet Brenda and I.
It is necessary I live without the tools I need to assist me with hearing or the lack of hearing, safety alarms, telephones I can use and enjoy, and security.
Now when my wife and I suffer with financial issues. Now while downtrodden, with the Meinier's et al, it's a whole different game, Hun. It's almost as if I am being kindly asked to fuck off.
I may not be able to actually attend to our business's matters right now, but I bet I'll be more of an assistant to the one who does. My Spice Wife. I am so sorry, my dear BFFF!!!
John Wayne, get your ass over here. We gotta go see Sir Dude...
...and ewwwwwwww damn it! I think I might could use some one on one time right about now! Bless Sir Dude's heart...
Tuesday, September 27, 2011
From the Patients Point of View, Meniere's Disease
The frogs have joined the crickets and cicadas tonight, and I am listening to them loud and clear in digital 3-D surround sound, and am listening to all of this from my Left Deaf Ear this evening. At this very moment. Earlier this afternoon, I would've sworn I picked up airplane radio frequency from an Air Cananda jet as my youngest and I passed the Tampa International Airport...
...somebody's frquency for sure, and the beeps were loud and successive. One after the next than the other. I cried a little to myself. Had to.
My Right Good Bad ear, has had extremely hyper-sensitive moments today. The random sound of an explosion came back. Scared me so damned bad I just didn't know what to do. Where do these come from is the first question that pops to my mind? Why and what's causing these? Other times today - while having moments of difficulty hearing - I see the rain fall but do not hear the drops. For a time today, I was sad and blue but then put on some Adele and let her handle my ear hole to my brain true.
The nausea is disgusting tonight. I feel the acidity on my teeth from the productive nausea from earlier today. I feel as if I am wearing a baseball cap of perspiration and sweat. Have been in some disgust with this all day.
I am dizzy as if I had been spun about in one of the tea cups at the Spend-alot-of-money-World two or three consecutive times. At this moment I would be unable to pass a field sobriety test based on exercise. (This flavor thing in my mouth is driving me crazy!?) I never did like that ride and avoided rides such as those for the most of my youth. Now, a Roller Coaster is something all togeather different. Have not had a chance to jump into one since all the procedures and operations on the skull and it's innards. I would like to think I might hope to one day - just to try a good one to see how I fair. Escalators are amusing carnival rides for me at this time...okay - 1,2,GO kind of scene...
...and then that depends on what day of the month it is. Not really, but it depends on whether the elevator would be best for my safety on that particular day.
The Worms have been very active. I mean, they were like really worked up this morning something shitty! I went to bed with them playing about - so as far as I know they might've been having one of those RAVES. I do not know. I wish somebody would tell me. Shit.
Had a satisfactory visit with Dr. Psych, this afternoon and that's all I want to say about that.
Tomorrow, I will visit with Sir Dude. Am looking forward to it very much.
Until the next our paths cross, Go In Peace.
...somebody's frquency for sure, and the beeps were loud and successive. One after the next than the other. I cried a little to myself. Had to.
My Right Good Bad ear, has had extremely hyper-sensitive moments today. The random sound of an explosion came back. Scared me so damned bad I just didn't know what to do. Where do these come from is the first question that pops to my mind? Why and what's causing these? Other times today - while having moments of difficulty hearing - I see the rain fall but do not hear the drops. For a time today, I was sad and blue but then put on some Adele and let her handle my ear hole to my brain true.
The nausea is disgusting tonight. I feel the acidity on my teeth from the productive nausea from earlier today. I feel as if I am wearing a baseball cap of perspiration and sweat. Have been in some disgust with this all day.
I am dizzy as if I had been spun about in one of the tea cups at the Spend-alot-of-money-World two or three consecutive times. At this moment I would be unable to pass a field sobriety test based on exercise. (This flavor thing in my mouth is driving me crazy!?) I never did like that ride and avoided rides such as those for the most of my youth. Now, a Roller Coaster is something all togeather different. Have not had a chance to jump into one since all the procedures and operations on the skull and it's innards. I would like to think I might hope to one day - just to try a good one to see how I fair. Escalators are amusing carnival rides for me at this time...okay - 1,2,GO kind of scene...
...and then that depends on what day of the month it is. Not really, but it depends on whether the elevator would be best for my safety on that particular day.
The Worms have been very active. I mean, they were like really worked up this morning something shitty! I went to bed with them playing about - so as far as I know they might've been having one of those RAVES. I do not know. I wish somebody would tell me. Shit.
Had a satisfactory visit with Dr. Psych, this afternoon and that's all I want to say about that.
Tomorrow, I will visit with Sir Dude. Am looking forward to it very much.
Until the next our paths cross, Go In Peace.
Tenderness Amoungst The Kindred and Like Minded
Tenderness is all I really yearn much for anymore...
...like, it would be nice to have life sprinkeled with it, "tenderness", in my day to days or at least from a time to time...
...it just does not happen much around these parts anymore. I have considered the entire thing and suspect that folks are born like folks are and we all have these extraordinary experiances during our lives that shape us. We are self-taught to listen to our personalties that developed over the course of our Trails...
...of life.
Some folks, even Kindred or Like-Minded folks didn't get enough tenderness early on in life or do not get tenderness today. Some never got the opportunity to experiance tenderness at all. I just don't know what it is, maybe some folks become cold and forget what tenderness is anymore. Such a rush-rush, dog-eat-dog society. This is a sad topic for my Spirit's and The Soul who lives with-in this shell and very temporary lodging.
I get to see too few folks in general in my day-to-day. I love engaging in conversation with others. Complete strangers too. A simple hello, a breif moment of eye to eye contact. A smile. We all need a little bit of tenderness from time to time. I promise it's true.
This is going to sound a touch off of who I am, but I don't want to be cursed at anymore. This notion has popped straight out of one the lobe's in the brain that contains these thoughts and processes. I don't know, but, I do not enjoy having people, all Relations or others of out of my Circle, to curse at me. No more. No Mas! I'm even debating the whole we're just joking around thing. I'm not a Nigger, neither am I a Spic or Jew. My name is NOT Chico. OR "YO"! Please do NOT call me a faggot! I am not a mute or a mutt. I do not mind one peppering one's language with a profanity every once and again. Please, I think we're all grown ass Folks and all understand exactly what I mean.
I don't want to be influenced or troubled by them who carry negative or bad energy's anymore. It is not necessary...
...this is a personal venture for me. As I have established such a boundary with others, then I must also follow same boundary. Oui? Oui!
These little Euro smootch-smootch on the cheecks are nice, but damn, I want a hug too! Hug me, I don't bite. Hug me for more than just a second on your way to do whatever it is you think is more important than sharing a little tenderness and bringing joy to one's day. May be your own. A kiss on the lips from the one you are married to:) Or engaged to. Or are girl friends with or are boy friends...
...let us all be a little bit more tender when we communicate with our Relations or the cashier at Publix, where shopping is a pleasure.
With time, let's see the diffenence and where we're at.
I Love You, My Relations.
Great Spirit, Thank You!
...like, it would be nice to have life sprinkeled with it, "tenderness", in my day to days or at least from a time to time...
...it just does not happen much around these parts anymore. I have considered the entire thing and suspect that folks are born like folks are and we all have these extraordinary experiances during our lives that shape us. We are self-taught to listen to our personalties that developed over the course of our Trails...
...of life.
Some folks, even Kindred or Like-Minded folks didn't get enough tenderness early on in life or do not get tenderness today. Some never got the opportunity to experiance tenderness at all. I just don't know what it is, maybe some folks become cold and forget what tenderness is anymore. Such a rush-rush, dog-eat-dog society. This is a sad topic for my Spirit's and The Soul who lives with-in this shell and very temporary lodging.
I get to see too few folks in general in my day-to-day. I love engaging in conversation with others. Complete strangers too. A simple hello, a breif moment of eye to eye contact. A smile. We all need a little bit of tenderness from time to time. I promise it's true.
This is going to sound a touch off of who I am, but I don't want to be cursed at anymore. This notion has popped straight out of one the lobe's in the brain that contains these thoughts and processes. I don't know, but, I do not enjoy having people, all Relations or others of out of my Circle, to curse at me. No more. No Mas! I'm even debating the whole we're just joking around thing. I'm not a Nigger, neither am I a Spic or Jew. My name is NOT Chico. OR "YO"! Please do NOT call me a faggot! I am not a mute or a mutt. I do not mind one peppering one's language with a profanity every once and again. Please, I think we're all grown ass Folks and all understand exactly what I mean.
I don't want to be influenced or troubled by them who carry negative or bad energy's anymore. It is not necessary...
...this is a personal venture for me. As I have established such a boundary with others, then I must also follow same boundary. Oui? Oui!
These little Euro smootch-smootch on the cheecks are nice, but damn, I want a hug too! Hug me, I don't bite. Hug me for more than just a second on your way to do whatever it is you think is more important than sharing a little tenderness and bringing joy to one's day. May be your own. A kiss on the lips from the one you are married to:) Or engaged to. Or are girl friends with or are boy friends...
...let us all be a little bit more tender when we communicate with our Relations or the cashier at Publix, where shopping is a pleasure.
With time, let's see the diffenence and where we're at.
I Love You, My Relations.
Great Spirit, Thank You!
To My Neice Who Keeps The Smile
Ohhhhhhhh, naaaaaaaaaaawwwwwwwww booooooooooooooo, you did not. Y que?
My dear Neice-Who-Keeps-The-Smile, I proclaim on this 27th Day of September 2011, with the powers vested in me as a Citizen of Mother Earth, these United States of America and this State of Florida...
...IT'S ON MY DAHLIN' NEICE!
Yes, with all the might I may muster, it is on.
Tag, I'm it and I own it. Gurl, you just don't know...
...that card was like "Whomp! There it Is!
Alrighty then, so let the games begin!
I love you. It's still on! So please, don't take this nicety wrong. Pass on love to my nephew, Mr.1017, my young nephew, Mr. Jay, and my two beautiful Pretty, Pretty, Princess'.
Love All Of you to Deaf,
Tio Mario, Big Bear, and my nephew's ONLY BLACK UNCLE!!:)
p.s. Oh yeah, that was a sick burn.......
My dear Neice-Who-Keeps-The-Smile, I proclaim on this 27th Day of September 2011, with the powers vested in me as a Citizen of Mother Earth, these United States of America and this State of Florida...
...IT'S ON MY DAHLIN' NEICE!
Yes, with all the might I may muster, it is on.
Tag, I'm it and I own it. Gurl, you just don't know...
...that card was like "Whomp! There it Is!
Alrighty then, so let the games begin!
I love you. It's still on! So please, don't take this nicety wrong. Pass on love to my nephew, Mr.1017, my young nephew, Mr. Jay, and my two beautiful Pretty, Pretty, Princess'.
Love All Of you to Deaf,
Tio Mario, Big Bear, and my nephew's ONLY BLACK UNCLE!!:)
p.s. Oh yeah, that was a sick burn.......
Sunday, September 25, 2011
Chat, Read, Pray, Off To Dream World
Am off to read a few pages prior to prayer, sleep and Dream World.
I am dizzy, nauseated, perspiring and gagging at this moment. I had activity on the vomit piece today...
...so I stayed in the house and sat about here and there. Lifted the kettle-weight while watching the games on television. Watched some NFL Football. Used the NFL as a form of Force Feild. Thank you Great Spirit.
I did have to rest for a couple of hours once everybody left our home. The energy was zapped from within in unhealthy ways and means, and I was not in a very nice place. So, I slept. There was in fact a recharge to my mind and Spirit's once I woke. My dear, let me sleep a bit. Bless her heart.
We celebrated my daugheter's 30th birthday and she was absent from the celebration. She is known now as She-Who-Lives-Far-And-Away. This was a tough one on my Daddy Heart. My one ear hole to the brain hears and listens to her voice and I see her on the Skype, but the ear feels weird when I think of all this and all I want is one of her enthusiastic and loving hugs. It was an Honor, my first born to witness what so many did for you here at "your home" and else where. I think you taught your understudy very well, Miss. Sierra. Sheena did a fantastic job on the gathering and photographs. Why? Yes, the cup cakes were prepared by Sheena home made for her sister.
Today, the hearing piece was on hyper-drive and the hearing was too turned up on the volume aspect. It is not too often this happens, but when it does the enviroment is best off not so loud and we had so many sounds and noises. You know what? I would love to have one day where and when I have not-a-one issue with my right good bad ear...
...and Silence for my Left Daef ear. I have days when and where I pray for silence in an ear that has no hearing ability. As I chat with you now, my Deaf left ear is listening to and I am hearing a loud, click-click-click sound going in a quick pace. Off and on late afternoon onto this night. WTF?
Click,click,click....sounds like the old fashioned lawn sprinkers with them hard ass pieces that stuck out the ground and if you don't see it - my shin would get beat up.
The Worms were happy and active this evening. Had a little activity earlier this morning.
I bid all a peaceful way of life. And love in your hearts and Spirit's. I am Blessed to have so many Relations.
I am dizzy, nauseated, perspiring and gagging at this moment. I had activity on the vomit piece today...
...so I stayed in the house and sat about here and there. Lifted the kettle-weight while watching the games on television. Watched some NFL Football. Used the NFL as a form of Force Feild. Thank you Great Spirit.
I did have to rest for a couple of hours once everybody left our home. The energy was zapped from within in unhealthy ways and means, and I was not in a very nice place. So, I slept. There was in fact a recharge to my mind and Spirit's once I woke. My dear, let me sleep a bit. Bless her heart.
We celebrated my daugheter's 30th birthday and she was absent from the celebration. She is known now as She-Who-Lives-Far-And-Away. This was a tough one on my Daddy Heart. My one ear hole to the brain hears and listens to her voice and I see her on the Skype, but the ear feels weird when I think of all this and all I want is one of her enthusiastic and loving hugs. It was an Honor, my first born to witness what so many did for you here at "your home" and else where. I think you taught your understudy very well, Miss. Sierra. Sheena did a fantastic job on the gathering and photographs. Why? Yes, the cup cakes were prepared by Sheena home made for her sister.
Today, the hearing piece was on hyper-drive and the hearing was too turned up on the volume aspect. It is not too often this happens, but when it does the enviroment is best off not so loud and we had so many sounds and noises. You know what? I would love to have one day where and when I have not-a-one issue with my right good bad ear...
...and Silence for my Left Daef ear. I have days when and where I pray for silence in an ear that has no hearing ability. As I chat with you now, my Deaf left ear is listening to and I am hearing a loud, click-click-click sound going in a quick pace. Off and on late afternoon onto this night. WTF?
Click,click,click....sounds like the old fashioned lawn sprinkers with them hard ass pieces that stuck out the ground and if you don't see it - my shin would get beat up.
The Worms were happy and active this evening. Had a little activity earlier this morning.
I bid all a peaceful way of life. And love in your hearts and Spirit's. I am Blessed to have so many Relations.
The More I See - The More I Feel
When in the company of the one who attempted to seduce/molest me I get this energy that builds up to a place I don't like to go anymore. His energies are negative and leech off the energies of others, off of mine...
...I feel filthy and dirty and disgustingly ugly when he's around...
...and want to let myself grow angry and go to the place where I want to bleed some of this out. I yearn for the punishment I wish to inflict on to my own skin...
...this shell of my Being.
How does one tell oneself - you're permitting the continuation of "this" cycle? Eww, this son-of-a-bitch!
...I feel filthy and dirty and disgustingly ugly when he's around...
...and want to let myself grow angry and go to the place where I want to bleed some of this out. I yearn for the punishment I wish to inflict on to my own skin...
...this shell of my Being.
How does one tell oneself - you're permitting the continuation of "this" cycle? Eww, this son-of-a-bitch!
Saturday, September 24, 2011
Hello? It's Me. Mario & Meniere's
For the first time in many months, give or take a week or few, I went to speak with my daughter She-Who-Lives-Far-And-Away, and put the telephone to the wrong ear: I put it to my left Deaf ear and was asking for her a couple of times - Nicole?, Nikki?. before I realized I put the hearing piece on the wrong ear...
...at first I was embarrassed and frustrated with myself - calling myself a name or two. I'm over it almost. What a relief it was to hear her voice! Relations, it's a dreadful thing when one can't here the tone of his daughter's voice when I know she's on the other side. What a relief it was indeed.
I suppose this should segue into talk of meniere's disease since it has been a couple of days and I meant not to speak or pass such medicine on. Sometimes "I" get tired of these damned symptoms too. Whwat? I acknowledge that maybe provide a bit too much information...
...sometimes.
With the respect and dignity to all who read my word's, I do want all to know I share the truth and speak of only what is real and true. I would not, in any way, intentionally offend one on purpose or with intention. If there are times when I share things that are deep and personel - it is because I want you as my guest to "know with a steadfastness", I would not lie or waste your time bullshitting around. On this matter, My Path provides me with a big wonderful conscience. I say no more.
I have had an active gag and productive nausea the past two days and am feeling the discomfort in my throat at this time. I don't think that we are intended to ever like what our vomit taste like. It's just there are times when even just speaking, some will get passed my upper throat. I have had to learn to control this as much as possibly can. Hell, there will always be times when it just happens. But, damn it?
I have a bit of a misting and light perspiration on my skin. I am here at my desk lounging while I have a conversation with my relations. We have the air conditioning running at a pleasent 78 dergree(F), and have the ceiling fan spreading soft drafts of cooled air. Here in Central Florida, we're still considered semi-tropical so we'll have hot and warm tempertures for the next few weeks. Maybe come late October or early November, we should be able to open our windows and doors. We will have ceremony and bless this House of Seven Windows with some White Sage. I am eager for the change to come. I feel a bit of a vague change, like no more 90's or 80's in the night, so that's quite nice.
The dizziness has been exceptionally bad today. So I use the caution I preach to other's. Am very aware of my other four legs and use the tool properly. Promise.
Getting back to the Deaf left ear, I have been picking up loud loug beeeeeeeeeeeeeeep's. I mean, like long beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeps. Then I wait and nothing happens so I go about my business. I was thinking it was radio freqeuncy that might be reminates of that falling satellite. Damn, that would look to cool on the front page...
..."Dude, is killed by falling NASA debris. Was at his desk tip-tapping his blogg." Poor fellow was only 51 years along. Shiiiiiiiiiiit! That would be like the random, 1 in ??????. Talk about going out like a Warrior?!
My right good bad ear is listening to a symphoney of crikets and cicadas in symphony very loudly right now....
...I remember back when I was in a different place, I would often meditate to the sounds of Wolves, Loon, Whales, the sounds of Earth Mother.
Something just clicked in my brains under this thick, hard skull where the Worms dwell. Oh Boy! No I can't believe I typed that there and am going to leave it there. Sounds nice and refreshing.
Please, hold on a moment, I need to refresh my green tea...
...alright then, I was contemplating earlier this afternoon while out on an errands run with my bride, about something that bothers me some in my Core. I have not opened up to her or anyone for that matter, that I am in pain daily from my neck. But what am I to do? There's enough on her plate and there's just a wee bit too much on mine. No. I don't want to boo-hoo,
but damn it, for real?
I stress for my bride. I stress for my daughter, She-Who-Is-Far-And-Away.
I stress for my youngest. Daily and nightly. One of the last prayers of my connect time with My Creator.
Oh yes, almost forgot, I have had several moments of total silence. This is not a new symptom. Just happens. Yacky-??????????????????????-yack??????????????????????????? It's not normal.
Neither is a face first straight into glass shower doors...I know this to ba a Miracle. No other way to describe. Just that. A micro-second of a second this way or that, and I would have eatten glass for dinner. No, I haven't told it. Y que?
...at first I was embarrassed and frustrated with myself - calling myself a name or two. I'm over it almost. What a relief it was to hear her voice! Relations, it's a dreadful thing when one can't here the tone of his daughter's voice when I know she's on the other side. What a relief it was indeed.
I suppose this should segue into talk of meniere's disease since it has been a couple of days and I meant not to speak or pass such medicine on. Sometimes "I" get tired of these damned symptoms too. Whwat? I acknowledge that maybe provide a bit too much information...
...sometimes.
With the respect and dignity to all who read my word's, I do want all to know I share the truth and speak of only what is real and true. I would not, in any way, intentionally offend one on purpose or with intention. If there are times when I share things that are deep and personel - it is because I want you as my guest to "know with a steadfastness", I would not lie or waste your time bullshitting around. On this matter, My Path provides me with a big wonderful conscience. I say no more.
I have had an active gag and productive nausea the past two days and am feeling the discomfort in my throat at this time. I don't think that we are intended to ever like what our vomit taste like. It's just there are times when even just speaking, some will get passed my upper throat. I have had to learn to control this as much as possibly can. Hell, there will always be times when it just happens. But, damn it?
I have a bit of a misting and light perspiration on my skin. I am here at my desk lounging while I have a conversation with my relations. We have the air conditioning running at a pleasent 78 dergree(F), and have the ceiling fan spreading soft drafts of cooled air. Here in Central Florida, we're still considered semi-tropical so we'll have hot and warm tempertures for the next few weeks. Maybe come late October or early November, we should be able to open our windows and doors. We will have ceremony and bless this House of Seven Windows with some White Sage. I am eager for the change to come. I feel a bit of a vague change, like no more 90's or 80's in the night, so that's quite nice.
The dizziness has been exceptionally bad today. So I use the caution I preach to other's. Am very aware of my other four legs and use the tool properly. Promise.
Getting back to the Deaf left ear, I have been picking up loud loug beeeeeeeeeeeeeeep's. I mean, like long beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeps. Then I wait and nothing happens so I go about my business. I was thinking it was radio freqeuncy that might be reminates of that falling satellite. Damn, that would look to cool on the front page...
..."Dude, is killed by falling NASA debris. Was at his desk tip-tapping his blogg." Poor fellow was only 51 years along. Shiiiiiiiiiiit! That would be like the random, 1 in ??????. Talk about going out like a Warrior?!
My right good bad ear is listening to a symphoney of crikets and cicadas in symphony very loudly right now....
...I remember back when I was in a different place, I would often meditate to the sounds of Wolves, Loon, Whales, the sounds of Earth Mother.
Something just clicked in my brains under this thick, hard skull where the Worms dwell. Oh Boy! No I can't believe I typed that there and am going to leave it there. Sounds nice and refreshing.
Please, hold on a moment, I need to refresh my green tea...
...alright then, I was contemplating earlier this afternoon while out on an errands run with my bride, about something that bothers me some in my Core. I have not opened up to her or anyone for that matter, that I am in pain daily from my neck. But what am I to do? There's enough on her plate and there's just a wee bit too much on mine. No. I don't want to boo-hoo,
but damn it, for real?
I stress for my bride. I stress for my daughter, She-Who-Is-Far-And-Away.
I stress for my youngest. Daily and nightly. One of the last prayers of my connect time with My Creator.
Oh yes, almost forgot, I have had several moments of total silence. This is not a new symptom. Just happens. Yacky-??????????????????????-yack??????????????????????????? It's not normal.
Neither is a face first straight into glass shower doors...I know this to ba a Miracle. No other way to describe. Just that. A micro-second of a second this way or that, and I would have eatten glass for dinner. No, I haven't told it. Y que?
Friday, September 23, 2011
K-Lo! R U Out There? Physical Therapy Continues
K-Lo, I remember our talks and your motivating speach. I miss them and the medicine that accompanies you wherever you go...
...work or not, your energies spread as if a whiff of a Fall breeze brushes thru the patio of Pott's and Such Coffee House...
...the drapes of floral printed cotton sway's with the breeze...
K-Lo, you as a Physical Therapist and Friend planted something deep with-in. I am forever grateful. Humbled by the experiance in it's whole. You were life altering.
I want you and them who you work with to know how much I appreciated your hard you with me and mine and I would suspect his other patients. Good God, K-Lo, I have not seen or heard from you in months - but the physical therapy contines. I must think, you would surely be surprised by the muscle tone I have developed since we last saw one another.
You changed my Life's Trail...
...John Wayne - my pony , and me are starting to come out of something here. Don't know what, but I know I want to go get into my garden something really bad.
I don't want and try not to think much about the menirere's symptoms I have at this very moment. Just too damned many...
... I just want to get back out of doors. Think I forgot how good the Sun felt on my face and skin...
...Gotta go....
John Wayne, get your ass up!
...work or not, your energies spread as if a whiff of a Fall breeze brushes thru the patio of Pott's and Such Coffee House...
...the drapes of floral printed cotton sway's with the breeze...
K-Lo, you as a Physical Therapist and Friend planted something deep with-in. I am forever grateful. Humbled by the experiance in it's whole. You were life altering.
I want you and them who you work with to know how much I appreciated your hard you with me and mine and I would suspect his other patients. Good God, K-Lo, I have not seen or heard from you in months - but the physical therapy contines. I must think, you would surely be surprised by the muscle tone I have developed since we last saw one another.
You changed my Life's Trail...
...John Wayne - my pony , and me are starting to come out of something here. Don't know what, but I know I want to go get into my garden something really bad.
I don't want and try not to think much about the menirere's symptoms I have at this very moment. Just too damned many...
... I just want to get back out of doors. Think I forgot how good the Sun felt on my face and skin...
...Gotta go....
John Wayne, get your ass up!
Thursday, September 22, 2011
Time Passages, My Brenda & I
...then seven months later, February 1980, I married my bride Brenda.
In 1981 our first child was born.
In 1984 our second daughter was born. It was also in 1984 I had my tubes sniped. Actually, just a short couple/few months after her birth. I just did it. Wanted to break the pattern of male birth's on my father's side...
...just one of those things I knew I had to do. Even years prior to therapy and recovery - I knew deep with-in that the cycle had to be cut. So it was.
My Ma died in 2003 and my Dad passed in 2006.
I have four sister's. Three here in Tampa and one remains in South Florida.
I had two brother's. One's in prison and my little brother David, O.D.'ed on drugs he was being muled to bring into this country. Back in 2001.
I have so many wonderful neices and nephews. And love them all!
My In-Law's are Earth Angel's. It is God's intention that we tolerate one anothers butt-hole way's. Somehow - someway, we've managed to make it through time and it's passages.
My Abuela, Grandmother Mary, is still kicking it about at the age of 91.
My dearest bride Brenda, has been a wonderfully superb wife, mother and she's my very best good friend. We have been through hell and back too many times to remember. So many times I have prayed my prayers to Great Spirit of Thanks and Praise for this WOman who is my Life Mate...
...here we are 31 years later. Loving one another and doing what Folks do when we walk through the time passages...
...we hold hands and say I Love You everyday. Kisses too.
If we're pissed - we still say I love you. One just never knows when it's time to go Home on the Other Side.
"Death will come, and always comes out of season, It is the command of the Great Spirit, and all nations and people must obey." Black Elk
Life. My Trail. Time Passages.
We love.
John Wayne, let's get out of here real soon. Maybe visit some other town or place.
In 1981 our first child was born.
In 1984 our second daughter was born. It was also in 1984 I had my tubes sniped. Actually, just a short couple/few months after her birth. I just did it. Wanted to break the pattern of male birth's on my father's side...
...just one of those things I knew I had to do. Even years prior to therapy and recovery - I knew deep with-in that the cycle had to be cut. So it was.
My Ma died in 2003 and my Dad passed in 2006.
I have four sister's. Three here in Tampa and one remains in South Florida.
I had two brother's. One's in prison and my little brother David, O.D.'ed on drugs he was being muled to bring into this country. Back in 2001.
I have so many wonderful neices and nephews. And love them all!
My In-Law's are Earth Angel's. It is God's intention that we tolerate one anothers butt-hole way's. Somehow - someway, we've managed to make it through time and it's passages.
My Abuela, Grandmother Mary, is still kicking it about at the age of 91.
My dearest bride Brenda, has been a wonderfully superb wife, mother and she's my very best good friend. We have been through hell and back too many times to remember. So many times I have prayed my prayers to Great Spirit of Thanks and Praise for this WOman who is my Life Mate...
...here we are 31 years later. Loving one another and doing what Folks do when we walk through the time passages...
...we hold hands and say I Love You everyday. Kisses too.
If we're pissed - we still say I love you. One just never knows when it's time to go Home on the Other Side.
"Death will come, and always comes out of season, It is the command of the Great Spirit, and all nations and people must obey." Black Elk
Life. My Trail. Time Passages.
We love.
John Wayne, let's get out of here real soon. Maybe visit some other town or place.
Yes, It's True, U.S. Army, It's About Time!
After thirty two years or so, I am able to walk and sleep a bit easier in these wrappings called my humanness, my skin. Even let's say, I slept well over thirty hours since Tuesday past.
These past couple of days I seem to have been able to stand a bit taller in this 6'2" body of mine...
...these size 12's...
...even with my four legged walking stick or when I was asleep. I knew.
Oh, yes. It is true. Although I have often played the ambiguous one, I never once spoke aloud anything to do with sexual orientaion. There were many years I lived my days speaking with a careless tongue. But not in the U.S. Army, 1978-1979. I lived a good life and enjoyed the military very much. I did have a very close brief relationship with one fellow Soldier. Clandistine would be to minimize what we had to go through for one another.
There are memories I will never forget about, The Crew and I and our adventures. I remember very much and am pleased I kept these memories near by. I was a well known fellow Soldier around the base and had a reputation to uphold. The go-to dude. The Team Player. If a brother or sister needed a hand or a buck to loan, I was there. I still have a Life Long friend who lives amongst the Creek NDN's, who was stationed with me in Darmstadt, West Germany.
It was here I experianced one of the greatest betrayals of a life long. A WOman of rank higher than mine, who I thought at the time was my friend, started a "rumour" that I was Gay. Real quick like, let me share, when I had HQ Watch (mind the telephone's - take reports etc.), I would often sew or create pillows for friends. I will never forget her name and have yet to forgive her. Just as I have had extreme difficulty forgiving my Life Long friend, who was having relations with this WOman. He who enjoyed much fun at calling me fag, faggot or Gay, etc., "Once" I was discharged. Even years after I was discharged from MY U.S. Army, he would belittle me and make sexual insults. Please, I know and I don't know why I invited the verbal rubbish. I just did...
...he's my Life Long friend.
Wait a moment please, as I do not wish to convey this communique in any way a trumpet or big talk - I say these words humbly. With Grace. These words are intended in such a way, with TRUTH only, being tip-tapped on these keys. It's just that NOW after all of these years, there is a certainty I am able to release some strings I've held on to so tightly, for so many fucking years. In my Spirit's, it is now I am FREE to let all of that shit go. I have forgiven my U.S. Army. Sometimes, I think about the what if's...
My Dear God. My Great Spirit, knows what this life has been like for I and I. For me to get to a place in life where I am able to release these strings decades old, is the release of torment and vexation. This is a victory of a warrior. Oh, Great One, clear me of the neagtive energies that remain. Great One, Thank You.
I am permitted to say TODAY, with PRIDE that I served in this U.S. Army. I joined to enter in January 1978. Went in baby green as a Private. Period no stripes. And by the time I made it to Germany, in the Winter of "78, I was a good damn soldier and a Private E-2, two stripes. I was damn near fearless, as I would have done and did whatever I had to for my damned best of freinds and fellow soldiers. I practiced my M-16, learned to fire an M-60 and shit, I threw gernades like baseballs. That's just the way we rolled back them. And, Lord, how I do miss those brothers and sisters of mine. Even met a young Mexican soldier with the very same name as mine.
While stationed there I was able to travel about West Germany exclusively. I say that because my Army had me thinking there we're spies by the dozen out there and having a Secret Clearance made me think that I would get kid-napped or some dreadful such and such. So, we traveled all about the West of Germany. Visiting places like Bavaria, Frankfort, Stuttgart and so many other cities, towns, and villages. German food and BEER! What a time!
It's odd how now I recognize that all of those in my Circle were straight as far as I knew. The subjuect just never came up.
On the 26th Day of February 1979, I recieved a Certificate of Commendation, from The 440th Signal Battalion, signed by Benjamin L. Donaldson, Lieutenant Colonel, Signal Corps Commanding. If there is anyone who would like to read what was writen about me - I would be more than glad to share. Shortly after this, I received my promotion to Private First Class. Three stripes. What an Honor.
It was sometime during that Winter of 1978-1979 that I was assaulted by a Sergeant while I was in a steam sauna. I never reported the incident. To who or whom? I never said anything to anybody or anyone. I was ashamed and scared and never did go back to the steam sauna...
...weeks later the "rumour" got started. My First Sergeant confronted me in his office about being a "fag"/"faggot". Words were screamed and things were said, I disobeyed a Direct Order to Halt, I walked off and down three stair case and landings screaming at the top of my lungs "First Sergeant, called me a faggot"...as he screamed his orders - I kept walking...
...he might have just as well slit my throat that day.
Because I was stationed in Darmstadt, the military paid for my solo transport to see therapists and psychiatrists in Frankfort to determine whether I was "Homosexual". There were times I was the only one on the whole big green bus. How shaming. I had an ulcer removed from my throat sometime in this period. Had totally lost my voice. Oh yes, there was never a determination...
...five months later, in July, the Summer of 1979, I received an Honorable Discharge, as a Private First Class...
...discharged on the basis of a rumor.
As I learned to forgive my U.S. Army, I pray a day will come when I am able to forgive She-Who-Started-Rumours and He-My-Life-Long-Friend. If not fuck 'em.
To all members of our Armed Forces, I congratulate you. From One Brother to my Military Brother's and Sister's around our Earth Mother, congratulations!
Army Lt. Col. Michael D. Jason posted on his FaceBook: "Don't Ask Don't Tell' repealed today. The American citizen has asked some of us to fight for them. We volunteered. Now, as proclaimed by law, stay out of my Soldier's bedrooms. About time"
I was a Volunteer back then...
and yes. About time.
...I simply feel that I must take a few days to truly absorb the release of this beast of burden. Breath in an inhale of releif for all of my Sister's and Brother's who are soldiers, sailors (seaman), Marines, and airmen who are Gay, Lesbian, or Bisexual.
Thank you Great Spirit! Thank you to The One God!
These past couple of days I seem to have been able to stand a bit taller in this 6'2" body of mine...
...these size 12's...
...even with my four legged walking stick or when I was asleep. I knew.
Oh, yes. It is true. Although I have often played the ambiguous one, I never once spoke aloud anything to do with sexual orientaion. There were many years I lived my days speaking with a careless tongue. But not in the U.S. Army, 1978-1979. I lived a good life and enjoyed the military very much. I did have a very close brief relationship with one fellow Soldier. Clandistine would be to minimize what we had to go through for one another.
There are memories I will never forget about, The Crew and I and our adventures. I remember very much and am pleased I kept these memories near by. I was a well known fellow Soldier around the base and had a reputation to uphold. The go-to dude. The Team Player. If a brother or sister needed a hand or a buck to loan, I was there. I still have a Life Long friend who lives amongst the Creek NDN's, who was stationed with me in Darmstadt, West Germany.
It was here I experianced one of the greatest betrayals of a life long. A WOman of rank higher than mine, who I thought at the time was my friend, started a "rumour" that I was Gay. Real quick like, let me share, when I had HQ Watch (mind the telephone's - take reports etc.), I would often sew or create pillows for friends. I will never forget her name and have yet to forgive her. Just as I have had extreme difficulty forgiving my Life Long friend, who was having relations with this WOman. He who enjoyed much fun at calling me fag, faggot or Gay, etc., "Once" I was discharged. Even years after I was discharged from MY U.S. Army, he would belittle me and make sexual insults. Please, I know and I don't know why I invited the verbal rubbish. I just did...
...he's my Life Long friend.
Wait a moment please, as I do not wish to convey this communique in any way a trumpet or big talk - I say these words humbly. With Grace. These words are intended in such a way, with TRUTH only, being tip-tapped on these keys. It's just that NOW after all of these years, there is a certainty I am able to release some strings I've held on to so tightly, for so many fucking years. In my Spirit's, it is now I am FREE to let all of that shit go. I have forgiven my U.S. Army. Sometimes, I think about the what if's...
My Dear God. My Great Spirit, knows what this life has been like for I and I. For me to get to a place in life where I am able to release these strings decades old, is the release of torment and vexation. This is a victory of a warrior. Oh, Great One, clear me of the neagtive energies that remain. Great One, Thank You.
I am permitted to say TODAY, with PRIDE that I served in this U.S. Army. I joined to enter in January 1978. Went in baby green as a Private. Period no stripes. And by the time I made it to Germany, in the Winter of "78, I was a good damn soldier and a Private E-2, two stripes. I was damn near fearless, as I would have done and did whatever I had to for my damned best of freinds and fellow soldiers. I practiced my M-16, learned to fire an M-60 and shit, I threw gernades like baseballs. That's just the way we rolled back them. And, Lord, how I do miss those brothers and sisters of mine. Even met a young Mexican soldier with the very same name as mine.
While stationed there I was able to travel about West Germany exclusively. I say that because my Army had me thinking there we're spies by the dozen out there and having a Secret Clearance made me think that I would get kid-napped or some dreadful such and such. So, we traveled all about the West of Germany. Visiting places like Bavaria, Frankfort, Stuttgart and so many other cities, towns, and villages. German food and BEER! What a time!
It's odd how now I recognize that all of those in my Circle were straight as far as I knew. The subjuect just never came up.
On the 26th Day of February 1979, I recieved a Certificate of Commendation, from The 440th Signal Battalion, signed by Benjamin L. Donaldson, Lieutenant Colonel, Signal Corps Commanding. If there is anyone who would like to read what was writen about me - I would be more than glad to share. Shortly after this, I received my promotion to Private First Class. Three stripes. What an Honor.
It was sometime during that Winter of 1978-1979 that I was assaulted by a Sergeant while I was in a steam sauna. I never reported the incident. To who or whom? I never said anything to anybody or anyone. I was ashamed and scared and never did go back to the steam sauna...
...weeks later the "rumour" got started. My First Sergeant confronted me in his office about being a "fag"/"faggot". Words were screamed and things were said, I disobeyed a Direct Order to Halt, I walked off and down three stair case and landings screaming at the top of my lungs "First Sergeant, called me a faggot"...as he screamed his orders - I kept walking...
...he might have just as well slit my throat that day.
Because I was stationed in Darmstadt, the military paid for my solo transport to see therapists and psychiatrists in Frankfort to determine whether I was "Homosexual". There were times I was the only one on the whole big green bus. How shaming. I had an ulcer removed from my throat sometime in this period. Had totally lost my voice. Oh yes, there was never a determination...
...five months later, in July, the Summer of 1979, I received an Honorable Discharge, as a Private First Class...
...discharged on the basis of a rumor.
As I learned to forgive my U.S. Army, I pray a day will come when I am able to forgive She-Who-Started-Rumours and He-My-Life-Long-Friend. If not fuck 'em.
To all members of our Armed Forces, I congratulate you. From One Brother to my Military Brother's and Sister's around our Earth Mother, congratulations!
Army Lt. Col. Michael D. Jason posted on his FaceBook: "Don't Ask Don't Tell' repealed today. The American citizen has asked some of us to fight for them. We volunteered. Now, as proclaimed by law, stay out of my Soldier's bedrooms. About time"
I was a Volunteer back then...
and yes. About time.
...I simply feel that I must take a few days to truly absorb the release of this beast of burden. Breath in an inhale of releif for all of my Sister's and Brother's who are soldiers, sailors (seaman), Marines, and airmen who are Gay, Lesbian, or Bisexual.
Thank you Great Spirit! Thank you to The One God!
Tuesday, September 20, 2011
Issues With AOL/Blogger and Me
This is a new look post setting and am afraid this may take a little getting used to. It looks oddballish in my eye orbs and I want to decorate my blogg if folks are going to make changes. For pete's sake, this is so drab and colorless. Maybe I'll find out how to make some change in settings. Guess I am kind of intimedated. I don't know, but hell this is ugly on my eye orbs.
I was able to meet with Sir Dude, this afternoon and our gathering was painfully honest and uplifting. Much was communicated and much ground was covered. I feel honestly and so truly that I really did feel as if I had a mental/social/emotional enema. The emotions in my heart are heavy, bad and sad, but my shoes fit differently when I left my safe place.
I think I'll consider this a test and check back in later to see if Blogger was able to help me out. I'll keep my fingers crossed too.
Much love and peace to all Relations.....
Mario
Update on The Meniere's And Sir Dude
The worms in my head played until I fell off to Dream World yesterday evening. So far today they've been quiet. They probably partied to much.
I am dizzy at this moment and have nothing to blame but this meniere's and illness. I suspect with the medications I've been eating since Friday, the illness is beginning to lose. I sure hope so anyway's. Meniere's remains.
Have been so exhausted that I've been getting to bed earlier than usual the past few days. I have been successful in fighting off the day time sleep. Which for me is a good and happy thing.
My left Deaf ear has been picking up some steady beeps. These beeps are loud and sound as if they may be coming from some place near by. I'm thinking it's coming straight out of Cuba. Fidel, is sending out an SOS to the old U.S.S.R. Poor old man, has forgotten Russia is no longer a communist country. Other than the beeps, I have been listening to loud pops that startle the poop out of me.
My right good bad ear has been shit poor with the hearing process for days. The sinus infection I am sure does not help matters much. Yesterday was especially bad...
...thinking back, I think this was a motivating factor in my going to bed so early yesterday. Besides the exhaustion. Why cry? It doesn't do me any damned good. Besides the poor hearing I have been hearing the locusts, cicadas, and crickets competing to see who can be the loudest. Bloody bastards. Sometimes I want to stick an ice pick in there. See if that helps. This ear continues to ploop and plop. The voices remain. The sounds do too.
I have been eating my anti-sad medication as ordered. Yet continue to cry for or at just about anything. The thoughts of death pass me by daily. The thoughts of doing harm to this handsome body of mine continues...
...what am I to do? I just really don't know.
Nausea is bad enough to give me a gag in my throat. Yesterday it was productive. So far today, not.
Look, I am so tired of living like this. There's a rubber band that's twisted about my brain and my heart. What do you want me to say? That maybe someday it'll snap. I can't say. I don't have the knowledge of the language.
The nausea and tipsy dizziness has me in a right good messy sweat. It will be the right thing to shower before my daughter takes me to visit with Sir Dude...
...way too much time has passed since I say him last. This visit is over due. Due to illness and vertigo attack last Monday, I very truly failed to remember our appointtment. I am so sorry for missing our gathering. I need these visits in a bad way...
...no doubt.
Folks, may The One God, be with you and all relations. Seems like this disease has created so much distance between Relations and I. This makes my heart bad and sad. I love Folks and my Relations.
I'm so lonely and I can't stand it much more.
I cry for the night bird...
...sometimes I cry silently to myself for him.
I am dizzy at this moment and have nothing to blame but this meniere's and illness. I suspect with the medications I've been eating since Friday, the illness is beginning to lose. I sure hope so anyway's. Meniere's remains.
Have been so exhausted that I've been getting to bed earlier than usual the past few days. I have been successful in fighting off the day time sleep. Which for me is a good and happy thing.
My left Deaf ear has been picking up some steady beeps. These beeps are loud and sound as if they may be coming from some place near by. I'm thinking it's coming straight out of Cuba. Fidel, is sending out an SOS to the old U.S.S.R. Poor old man, has forgotten Russia is no longer a communist country. Other than the beeps, I have been listening to loud pops that startle the poop out of me.
My right good bad ear has been shit poor with the hearing process for days. The sinus infection I am sure does not help matters much. Yesterday was especially bad...
...thinking back, I think this was a motivating factor in my going to bed so early yesterday. Besides the exhaustion. Why cry? It doesn't do me any damned good. Besides the poor hearing I have been hearing the locusts, cicadas, and crickets competing to see who can be the loudest. Bloody bastards. Sometimes I want to stick an ice pick in there. See if that helps. This ear continues to ploop and plop. The voices remain. The sounds do too.
I have been eating my anti-sad medication as ordered. Yet continue to cry for or at just about anything. The thoughts of death pass me by daily. The thoughts of doing harm to this handsome body of mine continues...
...what am I to do? I just really don't know.
Nausea is bad enough to give me a gag in my throat. Yesterday it was productive. So far today, not.
Look, I am so tired of living like this. There's a rubber band that's twisted about my brain and my heart. What do you want me to say? That maybe someday it'll snap. I can't say. I don't have the knowledge of the language.
The nausea and tipsy dizziness has me in a right good messy sweat. It will be the right thing to shower before my daughter takes me to visit with Sir Dude...
...way too much time has passed since I say him last. This visit is over due. Due to illness and vertigo attack last Monday, I very truly failed to remember our appointtment. I am so sorry for missing our gathering. I need these visits in a bad way...
...no doubt.
Folks, may The One God, be with you and all relations. Seems like this disease has created so much distance between Relations and I. This makes my heart bad and sad. I love Folks and my Relations.
I'm so lonely and I can't stand it much more.
I cry for the night bird...
...sometimes I cry silently to myself for him.
Saturday, September 17, 2011
Totally Random Bits and Pieces
Thought I would share a few random thoughts and facts about me, some "Say and Tell It". I'ld like to let folks know I'm so much more than the words you read from time to time on the blogg. Please Relations, enjoy...
I have lived many lives in my day's here on Mother Earth.
Have had the indulgence of having lived across from more that one Rail Road track. Say no more, say no more.
I am ambidextrous.
Am a Libra.
I "love" to shop. No really, I really love shopping. Really?
I am the oldest of seven children. Am also the first born of a first born.
I had my first kiss from a girl named Brenda in Grade Two. Had my first kiss from a boy named Robert in Grade Five.
On my father's side of the family I have two first cousins.
When my grandmother crosses over - there will be no more kin from her side of my family.
I am ***********. Fortuitously, I was left with a bit extra. An error? I don't know, but what a golden one. Infact, I had no say in the matter. Bloody Bastards.
I revel in playing the roll of the ambiguous one. Always have Honey.
There is only One God, so when I pray I know which God I pray to.
Sometimes I listen and let God speak to me.
Sometimes I don't.
Am a 51 year old who has learned to appreciate in lifting a few pounds to feel healthier and gain some structure. Oh, it hurts so good.
I miss driving a car. Since Meniere's moved in - I can't.
Fall is my favorite time of year.
I still grieve the death's of my Mom, Dad and little brother David too. All died just too damned young in life.
I was fourteen when I met my later-to-be-wife Brenda. I still love her with all of my heart and she's still my BFF, Best Friend Forever.
To this day, I rejoice in listening to The God-Mother of Soul, Ms. Aretha Franklin, sing her songs and hit those notes like no other and I take great pleasure in permitting Sade, to tickle my one good bad right ear.
The scents of a freshly mowed lawn is refreshing. It's a scent that has followed me life long. I also appreciate the smells that come from a farm. Don't ask.
Cigar smoke has always provoked "smell memories". I hate cigar smoke.
I am a Survivor of Sexual Abuse, Incest and Rape.
For now, I say this has been a mighty good show of Say and Tell It. I truly enjoyed sharing and "telling it". Hope you all enjoyed reading it.
Peace and Love to All Relations,
Hello, it's Me
I have lived many lives in my day's here on Mother Earth.
Have had the indulgence of having lived across from more that one Rail Road track. Say no more, say no more.
I am ambidextrous.
Am a Libra.
I "love" to shop. No really, I really love shopping. Really?
I am the oldest of seven children. Am also the first born of a first born.
I had my first kiss from a girl named Brenda in Grade Two. Had my first kiss from a boy named Robert in Grade Five.
On my father's side of the family I have two first cousins.
When my grandmother crosses over - there will be no more kin from her side of my family.
I am ***********. Fortuitously, I was left with a bit extra. An error? I don't know, but what a golden one. Infact, I had no say in the matter. Bloody Bastards.
I revel in playing the roll of the ambiguous one. Always have Honey.
There is only One God, so when I pray I know which God I pray to.
Sometimes I listen and let God speak to me.
Sometimes I don't.
Am a 51 year old who has learned to appreciate in lifting a few pounds to feel healthier and gain some structure. Oh, it hurts so good.
I miss driving a car. Since Meniere's moved in - I can't.
Fall is my favorite time of year.
I still grieve the death's of my Mom, Dad and little brother David too. All died just too damned young in life.
I was fourteen when I met my later-to-be-wife Brenda. I still love her with all of my heart and she's still my BFF, Best Friend Forever.
To this day, I rejoice in listening to The God-Mother of Soul, Ms. Aretha Franklin, sing her songs and hit those notes like no other and I take great pleasure in permitting Sade, to tickle my one good bad right ear.
The scents of a freshly mowed lawn is refreshing. It's a scent that has followed me life long. I also appreciate the smells that come from a farm. Don't ask.
Cigar smoke has always provoked "smell memories". I hate cigar smoke.
I am a Survivor of Sexual Abuse, Incest and Rape.
For now, I say this has been a mighty good show of Say and Tell It. I truly enjoyed sharing and "telling it". Hope you all enjoyed reading it.
Peace and Love to All Relations,
Hello, it's Me
Friday, September 16, 2011
Visited The Internal Doc., Mo Pills, and Meniere's
Visited my Internal Medicine doctor this morning and into the afternoon. Yes, I do have the bronchitis and sinusitis. Had the C.T. Scan of my sinus' and the chest X-ray. I think it ironic today is Friday and I find myself in same position as last week when He-Who-Touched-My-Brain, perscribed anti-illness medications that gave me tiny little measle bumps. When I saw him on the yesterday I picked up on some stressful vibes from He. He is excellent at the camouflage to keep his patients peaceful and feeling cared for and well taken care after. I realize I was squeezed in for the visit, I just hope my being there was not a hendurance in any way. I just don't know how this Trail would have gone if not for He-Who-Touched-My-Brain. I love him like a brother. A little brother...
When I saw She-Who-Is-A-Lovely-Doctor, she confirmed what it was I was told yesterday by He-Who, and took immediate action. I had X-Ray's of my chest with nipple ring and all at Menmorial Hospital. And as ordered by He-Who-Touched-My-Brain, had the C.T. Scan at the diagnostic center across the street from hospital. She asked me more than twice why my He-Who-Touched-My-Brain, didn't order a replacemnt anti-biotic. I lost my talk. What was I to say? Because I don't know why he didn't. Anyway's, all in all, these four hours were properly engaged.
I fell again today. This time at a different doctor's clinic. Poor Gurls. One even stood on my left ankle - she tried so hard to make sure I was swell. I was keen - then and am same now. Just another crappy and embarrassing situation. The horror of falls do not become any less with each fall. Don't even think it. This fall also took place from a patients sitting place. I went to open the door, I am a claustrophob you see, all practices and clinics and their doctor/nursing staff are aware not to lock me in...
...Just Don't"...
...today, we had a new kid on the block. A damned cute new Kid Doctor on the block. He is so hot. As in Paris Hilton saying, hot. He didn't know Mr. Sierra's Golden Rule, so I freaked out and didn't realize the table was up so high and did not have a step off. So I fell forward hitting my head on the door, hurt knee's, knocked my processor off, and a sore pinky. Bless their hearts. Bless his heart too, I'll have to introduce him to my daughter. His name shall be New-Hot-Kid-Doctor-On-The-Block. Y que?
I was presrcibed three new medications to go with all the others. One, a twice a day anti-biotic, a cough syrup that tastes like that shit I hated to take when I was a boy - you know which one I mean? Also received some pretty little golden transparent pearls. The last two to aid with the control of coughing.
...which feels like my left eye orb is going to pop out, the top of my skull feels like I might have to depressurize it before long and Relations, these left ribs and lung hurts something awful when I cough.
Time. Medication. Time. Medication. Time. I do not want more bleeding medications!
Meniere's Disease, followed me through-out the day. Nausea was off and on and on more than off with some productivity...cafe con leche after sitting in ones stomach for a spell does not taste good the second time around. Oh yes, pills too. Yesh, yummy. I am perspiring at this moment and have a knot of nausea in my sore throat. The dizziness made for some very aware and pecular steps and walking. Balance and coordination has been on a low meter all day. I took each step with a purpose. Damn it. I suppose I better - two falls on back-to-back days. There's no victor.
Worms have been active and the sensations felt funny when I had the C.T. Scan done. Look, I'm a wierd sort. So the worms remain.
My left Deaf Ear has been listening to the Salvation Army ringing their bells off and on all day yesterday and today. They're out-side of some store in my skull. Maybe preparing for the Holiday's. True?
My Hard Of Hearing Right ear picked today to really play jokes and pull gag's on me. Noises, sounds, voices...works when it wants to. Etc.
...WTF? Let me scream a moment...AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! Better!
Love and peace to all Relations.
When I saw She-Who-Is-A-Lovely-Doctor, she confirmed what it was I was told yesterday by He-Who, and took immediate action. I had X-Ray's of my chest with nipple ring and all at Menmorial Hospital. And as ordered by He-Who-Touched-My-Brain, had the C.T. Scan at the diagnostic center across the street from hospital. She asked me more than twice why my He-Who-Touched-My-Brain, didn't order a replacemnt anti-biotic. I lost my talk. What was I to say? Because I don't know why he didn't. Anyway's, all in all, these four hours were properly engaged.
I fell again today. This time at a different doctor's clinic. Poor Gurls. One even stood on my left ankle - she tried so hard to make sure I was swell. I was keen - then and am same now. Just another crappy and embarrassing situation. The horror of falls do not become any less with each fall. Don't even think it. This fall also took place from a patients sitting place. I went to open the door, I am a claustrophob you see, all practices and clinics and their doctor/nursing staff are aware not to lock me in...
...Just Don't"...
...today, we had a new kid on the block. A damned cute new Kid Doctor on the block. He is so hot. As in Paris Hilton saying, hot. He didn't know Mr. Sierra's Golden Rule, so I freaked out and didn't realize the table was up so high and did not have a step off. So I fell forward hitting my head on the door, hurt knee's, knocked my processor off, and a sore pinky. Bless their hearts. Bless his heart too, I'll have to introduce him to my daughter. His name shall be New-Hot-Kid-Doctor-On-The-Block. Y que?
I was presrcibed three new medications to go with all the others. One, a twice a day anti-biotic, a cough syrup that tastes like that shit I hated to take when I was a boy - you know which one I mean? Also received some pretty little golden transparent pearls. The last two to aid with the control of coughing.
...which feels like my left eye orb is going to pop out, the top of my skull feels like I might have to depressurize it before long and Relations, these left ribs and lung hurts something awful when I cough.
Time. Medication. Time. Medication. Time. I do not want more bleeding medications!
Meniere's Disease, followed me through-out the day. Nausea was off and on and on more than off with some productivity...cafe con leche after sitting in ones stomach for a spell does not taste good the second time around. Oh yes, pills too. Yesh, yummy. I am perspiring at this moment and have a knot of nausea in my sore throat. The dizziness made for some very aware and pecular steps and walking. Balance and coordination has been on a low meter all day. I took each step with a purpose. Damn it. I suppose I better - two falls on back-to-back days. There's no victor.
Worms have been active and the sensations felt funny when I had the C.T. Scan done. Look, I'm a wierd sort. So the worms remain.
My left Deaf Ear has been listening to the Salvation Army ringing their bells off and on all day yesterday and today. They're out-side of some store in my skull. Maybe preparing for the Holiday's. True?
My Hard Of Hearing Right ear picked today to really play jokes and pull gag's on me. Noises, sounds, voices...works when it wants to. Etc.
...WTF? Let me scream a moment...AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! Better!
Love and peace to all Relations.
Thursday, September 15, 2011
Doctor Hop Scotch
The appointment that was scheduled at 1500 with my pulmonary doctor was "postponed" by the office staff because doctor was going off on holidays with his children and family. It really does sound like one of those "awwwwww shucks, ain't that a special thing" for doctor and family. But wait now, no - body or no - one called to inform me of this change. Nope, not even a text or fax or a telegram. I found out by accident, when I called with the hopes I could get in sooner than planned because of these ill's and infections that are kicking my ass right good and proper. If this had been the one time only okay I say, one time okay? But when this has a familiar tone I might have a different flavour in my mouth. This shit bleeding goes on too dang much. Spoke with office manager, whom I've know for decades - same with doctor. But I mean really Honey?
He-Who-Touched-My-Brain, saw me on a last minute basis. Thank You Sir! Diagnosed me with the infection in the sinus and bronchitis, my face to his face and not over the telephone. I got one of his fantastic Jesus hugs! Free medication right there! He looked, probed, listened and listed. Then he ordered CT Scan for tonight but things were getting hectic inside. Sweating, dizzy, nausea and so on. So we will hit the CT Scan in the morrow morning. Thank God , no more pills or medications. Yet!
I had a damned minor slip and fall at He-Who-Touched-My-Brains, office -clinic. I am okay from this - my body is pained and aches because of the infection and meniere's attack, not because I went all gimpy on my doctor.
Shamed myself to deaf! Yet again, what can I do?
Tomorrow brings new light with the new day. So, I say go rest dude. This has been a mighty long and stretched out week. And a mighty long and stretched out day too.
Babe, I've worked my own damned last nerve!
I suspect this will happen as far as the medications tomorrow. When I go see my primarey first thing in the morning. It's the same old dance for me Kindred. Chest X-rays, CT Scan, draw some blood in the laboratory and then this is the special place where everything gets all packaged up nice and neat and all pretty just for me...
...this is where and when I find out if I've been admitted as a guest to hospital or sent home with bottles of new pills for me to seperate in neat little boxes - along with my other medications, so I don't get all mixed up and confused. I ain't crazy, but IMMA Gimp!
God, I ask now, please don't let my primmary drop this ball. I know something has to give in here somewhere - sometime. I just don't want it to be me.
John Wayne, where you at boy?!
He-Who-Touched-My-Brain, saw me on a last minute basis. Thank You Sir! Diagnosed me with the infection in the sinus and bronchitis, my face to his face and not over the telephone. I got one of his fantastic Jesus hugs! Free medication right there! He looked, probed, listened and listed. Then he ordered CT Scan for tonight but things were getting hectic inside. Sweating, dizzy, nausea and so on. So we will hit the CT Scan in the morrow morning. Thank God , no more pills or medications. Yet!
I had a damned minor slip and fall at He-Who-Touched-My-Brains, office -clinic. I am okay from this - my body is pained and aches because of the infection and meniere's attack, not because I went all gimpy on my doctor.
Shamed myself to deaf! Yet again, what can I do?
Tomorrow brings new light with the new day. So, I say go rest dude. This has been a mighty long and stretched out week. And a mighty long and stretched out day too.
Babe, I've worked my own damned last nerve!
I suspect this will happen as far as the medications tomorrow. When I go see my primarey first thing in the morning. It's the same old dance for me Kindred. Chest X-rays, CT Scan, draw some blood in the laboratory and then this is the special place where everything gets all packaged up nice and neat and all pretty just for me...
...this is where and when I find out if I've been admitted as a guest to hospital or sent home with bottles of new pills for me to seperate in neat little boxes - along with my other medications, so I don't get all mixed up and confused. I ain't crazy, but IMMA Gimp!
God, I ask now, please don't let my primmary drop this ball. I know something has to give in here somewhere - sometime. I just don't want it to be me.
John Wayne, where you at boy?!
Take Notice: Tech. Issues and Ill
I am having issues with www.blogger.com on my AOL. I have had to venture out here to the whole E-whatever it is. I'm nervous because I have not blogged from out here before. So, please pardon me if I start weirding out...
...it figures some dumb ass stuff would come up! Damn it to those Murphy's!
I don't feel worth a damn this morning. Was able to spend a few minutes with Brenda before she went to work, which thus far has been the positive of my morning. Oh wait! Finding a couple videos of Mile Davis was a very positive thing. Other than that, IMMA two hundred-some pound pile of cow dung. I will take a sleep before I go to my pulmonary doctor's appointment at 1500. No, really I don't feel worth all that and a bag of fried plantains...
...if anything I feel a fool over myself for letting this infection go on and on as it has "over the past four days". Yes, yes, I know there was break down in doctor and patient communications, but damn! I'm the ill one and am the one who has slept life away since Monday! Yes, you know I'm the fool for sleeping my life into a past - tence. But then , we know this happens every Meniere's/Vertigo Attack. Don't I! Shit!
What then am I to do? Meniere's has me too freaking tight and this infection has spread. I'm so sore I ache from my skull to my toe knukles.
And still exhausted! Every sypmtom is out and messing with me too damned much today damn it. I gag on nothing and am coughing up some rubbish. Please, let me sweat alone, lay my dizzy ass down to bed and I'll drift off to slumber!
Oh please! Oh please! Let something get done soon, because I'm tired of being this damned fool who is in a perpetual state and cycle of illness...
...any Man or WOman can only take so much madness before the time comes!!
If all goes well and yes I pray it will, I'll "holla" at you all, my Relations later on.
John Wayne, you there?
...it figures some dumb ass stuff would come up! Damn it to those Murphy's!
I don't feel worth a damn this morning. Was able to spend a few minutes with Brenda before she went to work, which thus far has been the positive of my morning. Oh wait! Finding a couple videos of Mile Davis was a very positive thing. Other than that, IMMA two hundred-some pound pile of cow dung. I will take a sleep before I go to my pulmonary doctor's appointment at 1500. No, really I don't feel worth all that and a bag of fried plantains...
...if anything I feel a fool over myself for letting this infection go on and on as it has "over the past four days". Yes, yes, I know there was break down in doctor and patient communications, but damn! I'm the ill one and am the one who has slept life away since Monday! Yes, you know I'm the fool for sleeping my life into a past - tence. But then , we know this happens every Meniere's/Vertigo Attack. Don't I! Shit!
What then am I to do? Meniere's has me too freaking tight and this infection has spread. I'm so sore I ache from my skull to my toe knukles.
And still exhausted! Every sypmtom is out and messing with me too damned much today damn it. I gag on nothing and am coughing up some rubbish. Please, let me sweat alone, lay my dizzy ass down to bed and I'll drift off to slumber!
Oh please! Oh please! Let something get done soon, because I'm tired of being this damned fool who is in a perpetual state and cycle of illness...
...any Man or WOman can only take so much madness before the time comes!!
If all goes well and yes I pray it will, I'll "holla" at you all, my Relations later on.
John Wayne, you there?
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
A Vision Of Jesus Christ
On this Monday afternoon past, I had my dearest niece from North Carolina, on the telephone. My spouse was trying to get through but my sweet little neice needed her Tio/Uncle on the other end of the telephone she was speaking in to. So I listened to my darling little neice share with me her stories and stresses of her sweet young life. My Dahlin' is a strong young lady, she has made me a Great-Uncle two times over as number two will come out and visit sometime on the 19th day of October 2011. My nephew Mr. 1017, who lives in Miami and I were born on the same day - October 17th. That would be crazy cool to have three 1017'er's!!! I miss him and my neice and their children. My Great Neices. Ms. B., the Draem Catcher has been completed.
My Spirit's mind and heart know how much I've always loved this little blond haired blue eyed Angel Of Earth Mother, my neice, named She-Who-Walks-The-Walk...
...too young to know better and to old not to get prosecuted. That's a tough pair of boots right there. I want you to know that the bottom line is you have a WHOLE bunch of Kinfolk who love you very much. You're really just a few hours away....make a couple of calls... don't ever let some punk ass kick or hurt you.......
God Bless, you and my Great-Nephew's Neice! As I pray for God to bless my two Little Earth Angel Great Niece's, South of me a day's ride or few. Oh and BTW, I include my sweet and wonderful nephews' Bubba and Tong Tong in this generational mix...
...Blessed. I love these children as if they were my own Grandchildren. My own flesh and blood. Um, they are my own fleash and blood - but you know what I mean I hope. Someday, sometime, that day will come...
...those who were born after me...
I am blessed.
Please understand I know I procrastinated a bit or hesitated in celebrating this with my Relations, but yesterday while on the phone with my neice in the Land of The Cherokee, I had a vision of Jesus Christ. Jesus, was standing in the same room as I. No, I did not speak and neither did Jesus. We were just there. Jesus, stood near the window looking out and I infront of the vanity. I was not scared and neither was Jesus. I looked at Him and He looked at me. Then he left...
...my Jesus is not white and neither is he black. My Guest, had the complexion of a Northern African, or an Indian perhaps. Jesus is very handsome and does have a V'ed shape beard, with long curly brown hair.
I have not jumped on the telephone to jump and scream, I pulled back. Especially with the huge influnce of infection and meniere's. I need not get all stirred up. Besides, I think it would have taken away from this event in my Life's Path.
So, it was on the 12th day of September 2011, I met Jesus in Silence.
peace to all...
My Spirit's mind and heart know how much I've always loved this little blond haired blue eyed Angel Of Earth Mother, my neice, named She-Who-Walks-The-Walk...
...too young to know better and to old not to get prosecuted. That's a tough pair of boots right there. I want you to know that the bottom line is you have a WHOLE bunch of Kinfolk who love you very much. You're really just a few hours away....make a couple of calls... don't ever let some punk ass kick or hurt you.......
God Bless, you and my Great-Nephew's Neice! As I pray for God to bless my two Little Earth Angel Great Niece's, South of me a day's ride or few. Oh and BTW, I include my sweet and wonderful nephews' Bubba and Tong Tong in this generational mix...
...Blessed. I love these children as if they were my own Grandchildren. My own flesh and blood. Um, they are my own fleash and blood - but you know what I mean I hope. Someday, sometime, that day will come...
...those who were born after me...
I am blessed.
Please understand I know I procrastinated a bit or hesitated in celebrating this with my Relations, but yesterday while on the phone with my neice in the Land of The Cherokee, I had a vision of Jesus Christ. Jesus, was standing in the same room as I. No, I did not speak and neither did Jesus. We were just there. Jesus, stood near the window looking out and I infront of the vanity. I was not scared and neither was Jesus. I looked at Him and He looked at me. Then he left...
...my Jesus is not white and neither is he black. My Guest, had the complexion of a Northern African, or an Indian perhaps. Jesus is very handsome and does have a V'ed shape beard, with long curly brown hair.
I have not jumped on the telephone to jump and scream, I pulled back. Especially with the huge influnce of infection and meniere's. I need not get all stirred up. Besides, I think it would have taken away from this event in my Life's Path.
So, it was on the 12th day of September 2011, I met Jesus in Silence.
peace to all...
Bits Of Post Meniere's Attack Information
...and now that close to forty-eight hours have passed me by, of which I have slept forty, I gather my senses to jot a note or few down here in one of my Mental/Emotional Safe Places...
There remains a mesh of illness I've caught myself in that wrecks havoc on the meniere's. The sleeping is one of the post meniere's attack sypmtoms that really takes a hold of my life and I. It squeezes the energies from my body...my being. So frustrating...
...this same frustration I carry now. I'll return to slumber directly.
My head spins and the dizziness brings a knot of nausea to what feel's like the top of my throat. Many times I have stuck my finger or two down my throat to feel it or to bring up whatever it is that has my throat feeling sore and full and aches from gagging. At this moment, I wear a ten gallon hat of sweat.
I really don't want to be awake at this very moment. I am so sick of being sick and yes, I remind myself every day how blessed I am not to have one of "them diseases". And am thankful to God. It's just, my Dears, this never-ending story of meniere's and asthma is a life long torture. Along with the other diseases I have, all of this is such a deadly cocktail.
There is something inside my Core that insists I "push" the envelope...
...well today I ask myself, please kindly kiss my slimming ass...
Why, yes, slimming. I have continued to lose weight and substance while gaining a defining fore arm and most certainly I'm pleased with my biceps. When I have the good and strong days I lift my little ten pound kettle bar. Like, good-goodness! I don't think I had these arms while in the United States Army. Child please, yes it's true. I was to cool back then, ya see?
Positive thought there...
Right.
My inner core wants me to Push what? Today, the pick it up to push it is in a very low place. I feel and acknowledge the magnet that become's my bed and I during times after an attack. I will lay back down soon because if I don't I will surely smash into something or lose footing to land on an already pained and aching frame. Yes, I will return to Dream World.
A fantastic thought just passed me by and thought I would share. That being, maybe just pushing and tip-tapping these keys is today's way of pushing the envelope. I like that. Well alright then. This brings a smile to my face. And I start to cry.
Let me share something real quick about my wiggling eye orbs. Since the attack I've gotten this odd wiggling in my eye's and whatever it is I am looking at gets all wiggly. I don't remember having this sensation before. It happens while reading - so yes, while typing the letters have gotten all wiggly. Shit. A new post vertigo attack symptom. I have just called She-Who-Is-Wonderful at He-Who-Touched-My-Brain's office. I fell something subduing.
The Worms have played well together off and on thus far today.
My Deaf Left Ear listens to a jet plane rev-up it's engines in my back yard. This has gone on for 2.5 hours. Aloud damn it! As in my left ear thinks there is a jet in my back yard. I mean, really. There has been ache and pain in my left ear and skull. My Right Good Bad Ear has been hyper-sensitive today and has been listening to chirpings. Like a nest of birds live in my ear. A constant, chirp-chirp-chirping-chirp. What in the shit is this? Look, I get so tired of living like this....
...am I destined to go mad?
I suspect the infection that was in sinus is now in my lungs. I cough alot and have coughed so much I have created spots of pain in my chest and lungs. The sinus piece, as far as productivity has improved. The pains on my face have not. What was being produced there is being produced over here now.
Look I have to wrap this communique up. I am exhausted and dream world calls me by first name. Dream world has been too active. I still work in my Dream World, so I mustn't be tardy.
I am afraid today. A dread has occupied my chest...
...as if my chest has gone hollow.
Great Spirit...
There remains a mesh of illness I've caught myself in that wrecks havoc on the meniere's. The sleeping is one of the post meniere's attack sypmtoms that really takes a hold of my life and I. It squeezes the energies from my body...my being. So frustrating...
...this same frustration I carry now. I'll return to slumber directly.
My head spins and the dizziness brings a knot of nausea to what feel's like the top of my throat. Many times I have stuck my finger or two down my throat to feel it or to bring up whatever it is that has my throat feeling sore and full and aches from gagging. At this moment, I wear a ten gallon hat of sweat.
I really don't want to be awake at this very moment. I am so sick of being sick and yes, I remind myself every day how blessed I am not to have one of "them diseases". And am thankful to God. It's just, my Dears, this never-ending story of meniere's and asthma is a life long torture. Along with the other diseases I have, all of this is such a deadly cocktail.
There is something inside my Core that insists I "push" the envelope...
...well today I ask myself, please kindly kiss my slimming ass...
Why, yes, slimming. I have continued to lose weight and substance while gaining a defining fore arm and most certainly I'm pleased with my biceps. When I have the good and strong days I lift my little ten pound kettle bar. Like, good-goodness! I don't think I had these arms while in the United States Army. Child please, yes it's true. I was to cool back then, ya see?
Positive thought there...
Right.
My inner core wants me to Push what? Today, the pick it up to push it is in a very low place. I feel and acknowledge the magnet that become's my bed and I during times after an attack. I will lay back down soon because if I don't I will surely smash into something or lose footing to land on an already pained and aching frame. Yes, I will return to Dream World.
A fantastic thought just passed me by and thought I would share. That being, maybe just pushing and tip-tapping these keys is today's way of pushing the envelope. I like that. Well alright then. This brings a smile to my face. And I start to cry.
Let me share something real quick about my wiggling eye orbs. Since the attack I've gotten this odd wiggling in my eye's and whatever it is I am looking at gets all wiggly. I don't remember having this sensation before. It happens while reading - so yes, while typing the letters have gotten all wiggly. Shit. A new post vertigo attack symptom. I have just called She-Who-Is-Wonderful at He-Who-Touched-My-Brain's office. I fell something subduing.
The Worms have played well together off and on thus far today.
My Deaf Left Ear listens to a jet plane rev-up it's engines in my back yard. This has gone on for 2.5 hours. Aloud damn it! As in my left ear thinks there is a jet in my back yard. I mean, really. There has been ache and pain in my left ear and skull. My Right Good Bad Ear has been hyper-sensitive today and has been listening to chirpings. Like a nest of birds live in my ear. A constant, chirp-chirp-chirping-chirp. What in the shit is this? Look, I get so tired of living like this....
...am I destined to go mad?
I suspect the infection that was in sinus is now in my lungs. I cough alot and have coughed so much I have created spots of pain in my chest and lungs. The sinus piece, as far as productivity has improved. The pains on my face have not. What was being produced there is being produced over here now.
Look I have to wrap this communique up. I am exhausted and dream world calls me by first name. Dream world has been too active. I still work in my Dream World, so I mustn't be tardy.
I am afraid today. A dread has occupied my chest...
...as if my chest has gone hollow.
Great Spirit...
Monday, September 12, 2011
Vertigo Attack, Afternoon Slumber 12 Sept. 11
Have had two sleeps today. In the second one I experianced a Vertigo Attack in the Dream World. I remember it clear as the big blue clear skys of Montana.
At this moment! I feel my muscles and bones ache and pain from an unseen assult. A fine damned good old fashioned ass stomping. As if I now begin the post vertigo attack symptoms enmasse.
The increase in nausea with some productivity and my throat sore to the top. Sweating and perspiring as I woke and off and on since. The increase in dizziness, as if I wear a dizzy ball cap. The uncoordination; an emblance that creates this idiotic flacid shell of a man, who just a few years ago was strong and was a worthy adversary and Warrior in and of life.
Now, sounds of roaring crikets in my right good bad ear, distract me from this task at hand...
...not that writting is a task. I enjoy communicating with others...
...it's the task of trieng not to over complicate the matters. Say what has to be said and move on. Mind my spelling, edit if necessary. On and on.
The noises in my Deaf Left ear ceate an almost stereo affect with the right. But not so, really. My Deaf ear is listening to the beeping we have at cross walks to assist them who can not see. It's just that this cross walk has been stuck for the blind to walk for the past three hours. Really?
By the way, I know based on experiance that it is too damned possible for a patient to have a vertigo attack/Meniere's Attack in their sleep. I've had this happen before this afternoon's sleep. The last time was in the night...
...it's weird and almost nightmarish in Dream World. There's no controlling this foicken drama in Dream World neither. Powerless I am.
The virus has had it's fair share of sypmtoms. Many shadow the sypmtoms of the meniere's. Like the dizzy - are these enhanced by the infection? Nausea? Enhanced? I don't know. I'm a mess. With the infection - I have also been coughing, sneezing, sinus pains, sinus activity, my skull feels "Swo" (swollen), and I still would bet there's sinus in the back of my skull. Head pains, neck pains, sadness pains.
Voice's of others have visited...conversations I can not translate.
Thoughts of blood...thoughts of bleeding. Thinking where is my Warrior?
..........this dreamer still cry's for the Nightbird.........
At this moment! I feel my muscles and bones ache and pain from an unseen assult. A fine damned good old fashioned ass stomping. As if I now begin the post vertigo attack symptoms enmasse.
The increase in nausea with some productivity and my throat sore to the top. Sweating and perspiring as I woke and off and on since. The increase in dizziness, as if I wear a dizzy ball cap. The uncoordination; an emblance that creates this idiotic flacid shell of a man, who just a few years ago was strong and was a worthy adversary and Warrior in and of life.
Now, sounds of roaring crikets in my right good bad ear, distract me from this task at hand...
...not that writting is a task. I enjoy communicating with others...
...it's the task of trieng not to over complicate the matters. Say what has to be said and move on. Mind my spelling, edit if necessary. On and on.
The noises in my Deaf Left ear ceate an almost stereo affect with the right. But not so, really. My Deaf ear is listening to the beeping we have at cross walks to assist them who can not see. It's just that this cross walk has been stuck for the blind to walk for the past three hours. Really?
By the way, I know based on experiance that it is too damned possible for a patient to have a vertigo attack/Meniere's Attack in their sleep. I've had this happen before this afternoon's sleep. The last time was in the night...
...it's weird and almost nightmarish in Dream World. There's no controlling this foicken drama in Dream World neither. Powerless I am.
The virus has had it's fair share of sypmtoms. Many shadow the sypmtoms of the meniere's. Like the dizzy - are these enhanced by the infection? Nausea? Enhanced? I don't know. I'm a mess. With the infection - I have also been coughing, sneezing, sinus pains, sinus activity, my skull feels "Swo" (swollen), and I still would bet there's sinus in the back of my skull. Head pains, neck pains, sadness pains.
Voice's of others have visited...conversations I can not translate.
Thoughts of blood...thoughts of bleeding. Thinking where is my Warrior?
..........this dreamer still cry's for the Nightbird.........
Sunday, September 11, 2011
11 September 2011, Meniere's and Other Such and Such
Have been trying to sleep this evening. I don't think it's because of the hours slept earlier, but I am having a task with it. I feel certain it's a combination of things...
...the noises in both ears are driving me mad for one damn thing. Yes, I have taken my pretty in pink little pills.
My Daddy Heart, through the tears, whispers in my right inner ear, "hush Dad, your daughter is doing well and will do just fine." I am hard of hearing and do not hear what it is that is being said. I just feel the heaviness in this fifty one year old man's heart. Nikki, has occupied and has been a big huge piece of my days here on Earth Mother. Remember, I recently shared that she'll soon be thirty years of age. Only five weeks have seperated us and these bones tell me other-wise. Alas, what can I say or do? My child is a thirty year old woman. One of which I miss in unexplainable terms. So I won't try. I love you daugheter!
Verde!
Think certainly the meniere's is playing games with this infection, and or maybe it's the infection playing games with the meniere's disease. I do not know. I am positive that I am sorry for sleeping as much as I did earlier. I wanted to spend time with my bride and youngest daughter. Also passed on a visit from my little sister and my two lil' buds, Bubba and Tong Tong. I have NEVER passed on a visit with my nephews. I really didn't want to sleep. I had too. This sleep broke a small streak where I did no day time sleeping at all. Time to get back on John Wayne and get going.
Today was a difficult scenerio. I have been dizzy, nauseated, mistings, perspiration and sweats, coughing with productivity, the sounds, voices and noises. I fell forward off my toilet bashing my head onto the wall. The worms have played off and on, the pains in my head and neck assist in keeping me awake. I would bet cash I have sinus' in the back of my head. The pain is there. It's also in my ears, behind my left eye orb. My nose bled earlier today for a bit. It's late - I usually get one once a month. I feel my teeth and my face still looks swollen. It looks as if I have two black eyes. I am exhausted and beaten...
...and there's a certain bit of depression that has reminded me that it still lives here with-in me.
So I slept. Not for too long or much. I don't think. But slept.
The September 11 memorial's were extraordinary. Yes I cryed earlier today too. I cried for those who were murdered by the orders of Bin's Ass Was Laden To Rest, after his dog bastard ass was shot. I shed tears for all of our troops who have been killed over in the Middle East. Tears for all the mom's, dads, wives, brother's, sister's, and children of all who have been killed in these war's. I pray for them over there right now...
...have always had a distaste for the term 9/11. The date is 11 September or Septrmber 11. Every freaking time I notice or see the clock read 0911 - I am reminded of the attacks on our country. My country. So I pray.
I pray for all Relations tonight. Yes, Kinfolk too. I guess one of the things Kinfolk do is do what Kinfolks do. Whatever it is or is not.
Love and peace to all.
It's my nature.
It's also my nature to speak truths. The Path I travel is One where those who tell tall tales are not welcomed. Don't play with my emotions and I will steer clear from you and your multi-faced way of being. My Energies and Spirit's are exhausted of the lack of understanding I recieve from my very own Kinfolk. Yes, yack-yack-yack, it still goes on. And I really don't know why it still hurts so deeply when Kinfolk play such childish games. I don't need to specify or say names. One thing I will say is this -I have always considered blood thicker than water. If and when you should read these words, you multi-faced and ignorant ones, will know I speak of you. You look into my face, we break bread, we bleed same blood and there is less support from you than the wonderful support I receive from Kindred Relations around Earth Mother. Thanks to you all. I have always considered Relations a word that includes my kinfolk. I don't know for much longer. If the truth smells bad to you then cover both your nose's.
I have always enjoyed connecting this blogg to my Face Book. It makes access easier for all Relations. All I've ever tried to do is share with Relations how and what this Meniere's Disease has and is doing to my life.
And all those other things I may say and or share. Pray for others.
It's in my nature.
...the noises in both ears are driving me mad for one damn thing. Yes, I have taken my pretty in pink little pills.
My Daddy Heart, through the tears, whispers in my right inner ear, "hush Dad, your daughter is doing well and will do just fine." I am hard of hearing and do not hear what it is that is being said. I just feel the heaviness in this fifty one year old man's heart. Nikki, has occupied and has been a big huge piece of my days here on Earth Mother. Remember, I recently shared that she'll soon be thirty years of age. Only five weeks have seperated us and these bones tell me other-wise. Alas, what can I say or do? My child is a thirty year old woman. One of which I miss in unexplainable terms. So I won't try. I love you daugheter!
Verde!
Think certainly the meniere's is playing games with this infection, and or maybe it's the infection playing games with the meniere's disease. I do not know. I am positive that I am sorry for sleeping as much as I did earlier. I wanted to spend time with my bride and youngest daughter. Also passed on a visit from my little sister and my two lil' buds, Bubba and Tong Tong. I have NEVER passed on a visit with my nephews. I really didn't want to sleep. I had too. This sleep broke a small streak where I did no day time sleeping at all. Time to get back on John Wayne and get going.
Today was a difficult scenerio. I have been dizzy, nauseated, mistings, perspiration and sweats, coughing with productivity, the sounds, voices and noises. I fell forward off my toilet bashing my head onto the wall. The worms have played off and on, the pains in my head and neck assist in keeping me awake. I would bet cash I have sinus' in the back of my head. The pain is there. It's also in my ears, behind my left eye orb. My nose bled earlier today for a bit. It's late - I usually get one once a month. I feel my teeth and my face still looks swollen. It looks as if I have two black eyes. I am exhausted and beaten...
...and there's a certain bit of depression that has reminded me that it still lives here with-in me.
So I slept. Not for too long or much. I don't think. But slept.
The September 11 memorial's were extraordinary. Yes I cryed earlier today too. I cried for those who were murdered by the orders of Bin's Ass Was Laden To Rest, after his dog bastard ass was shot. I shed tears for all of our troops who have been killed over in the Middle East. Tears for all the mom's, dads, wives, brother's, sister's, and children of all who have been killed in these war's. I pray for them over there right now...
...have always had a distaste for the term 9/11. The date is 11 September or Septrmber 11. Every freaking time I notice or see the clock read 0911 - I am reminded of the attacks on our country. My country. So I pray.
I pray for all Relations tonight. Yes, Kinfolk too. I guess one of the things Kinfolk do is do what Kinfolks do. Whatever it is or is not.
Love and peace to all.
It's my nature.
It's also my nature to speak truths. The Path I travel is One where those who tell tall tales are not welcomed. Don't play with my emotions and I will steer clear from you and your multi-faced way of being. My Energies and Spirit's are exhausted of the lack of understanding I recieve from my very own Kinfolk. Yes, yack-yack-yack, it still goes on. And I really don't know why it still hurts so deeply when Kinfolk play such childish games. I don't need to specify or say names. One thing I will say is this -I have always considered blood thicker than water. If and when you should read these words, you multi-faced and ignorant ones, will know I speak of you. You look into my face, we break bread, we bleed same blood and there is less support from you than the wonderful support I receive from Kindred Relations around Earth Mother. Thanks to you all. I have always considered Relations a word that includes my kinfolk. I don't know for much longer. If the truth smells bad to you then cover both your nose's.
I have always enjoyed connecting this blogg to my Face Book. It makes access easier for all Relations. All I've ever tried to do is share with Relations how and what this Meniere's Disease has and is doing to my life.
And all those other things I may say and or share. Pray for others.
It's in my nature.
Meniere's vs. The Infection
Have just stirred from a deep slumber by the sounds of loud rumble and my lodge shaking. At first I thought it was the Tank in the back yard...
...it was my daughter and wife viewing The Twilight movie. Sexy vampires and all that. Humph...
This infection has taken ahold pretty good. Medication seemed to assist at first now I feel as if it will be necessary for a visit to He-Who-Touched-My-Brain. I'm letting you all know I must have sinus' in the back of my head because there's pain through-out my skull.
This has become a battle...Meniere's vs. The Infection.
Heading back to slumber. I am so damned uncomfortable.
God Bless America!
I'll never forget........
...it was my daughter and wife viewing The Twilight movie. Sexy vampires and all that. Humph...
This infection has taken ahold pretty good. Medication seemed to assist at first now I feel as if it will be necessary for a visit to He-Who-Touched-My-Brain. I'm letting you all know I must have sinus' in the back of my head because there's pain through-out my skull.
This has become a battle...Meniere's vs. The Infection.
Heading back to slumber. I am so damned uncomfortable.
God Bless America!
I'll never forget........
Friday, September 9, 2011
And Now For Something Completely Different
................................The Randomizer...............................
Let it be known that what-ever it is I share and present here this wee hour of morning 0019, on this present date of 10 September 2011, is truthful and known fact. There is a dark night out of doors with an off/oddly shaped Moon. So brillantly beautifully bright.
...city lights didn't drown out the stars above my head here in the North-West County. We are far enough away from downtown lights to see the millions of stars out there. I stopped to gaze and felt the awe in my little boy heart. As a boy I wanted to be an astronaut like Captain Neily, in the "I Dream Of Jeanie" television show. Hell, I must have been 10 years of age then. I had a crush on Jeanie.
I have always thought Gillighan and the Capt. were lover's. They fought like husband and husband. Oui? Oui.
I stood outside for a spell, until the skeeter's drove me in. I was looking at a Fall Moon approaching. Thinking I better be getting a Moon tan on...
...I feel in my Spirit's, with my Spirit's I got lost in space for a spell...
...and even if I did it was as it was, Kindred, even but for a short time there was a place called "alright" in my heart. Tonight, I can share my heart is warm and my Spirit's are full.
My Aunt and I did in fact make it to our visit with the government at the government office. Speaking on an I and I point of view, my piece was a disappointment, but I now have a picture in mind as to what I am waiting for and what it is will become of my relationship with the folks down at the government's office. My Dear Aunt, she stayed with me for my visit. I suspect she picked up on my uncomfortablness - as in my Dear Aunt, "read me honey". I was so happy! I had so many questions running through my skull's brain and I was perspiring, my hearing was like shit even with my processor attached to my implant. Right. Let me say simply, Tia/Aunt, thank you so very much for being there with me and for me. This is something I'll carry all my life. Thanks again Tia! I love you.
I don't want to speak of Meniere's Disease tonight. Or infection and anti-infection pills that make one break all sorts of wind. Sorta like speaking from both ends...
My daughter's and my dearest best friend and wife are the beacons of light that keep me going. The WOmen in my life are my Shero's. From my youngest daughter who just celebrated her 27th year on Earth Mother...
...I mean, she's my baby. My eldest daughter who is off in a place far and away, celebrates her 30th soon. My dear little tiny baby.
As a Man and as a Father, I am proud to list my grown baby's as a couple of my Shero's. My bride of 31 years and my BFF for 36 years is my Shero. My Ma and four sisters are my Shero's. My dear and darling 91 year old grandmother has been a Shero of mine since I was born and way before the term Shero came about. Oh my Abuela, as long as I live, my heart is yours. My Aunts on all branches of the Family's Tree are my Shero's. My WOmen cousins are my Shero's...
...I have WOmen friends who are and have been my Shero's of present day. My dear Old Kindred Spirit, she has been with me through some trecherous times in this past twenty-some years. My dear Medicine Woman, who live's up the road a liitle road trip. My years long relationship with a WOman who guided me through life altering events, my dear Stewie. She was there to witness me turning myself inside out. There another, I would like to mention real quick with-out betraying her confidance. She is known by many, many people's and she is known as a power WOman, AND she is. So then, I shall consider her name, She-Who-Flys-With-The-Eagles. My dahlin', She-Who-Has-Many-Ei's, who lives where the Cherokee roamed, you are in fact a Real Alive Earth Angel. Mine, ya know?
All of my Sista's-from-other-Mista's! All around this globe our Earth Mother are me Shero's. Them who have survived the cancer, them who are fighting the cancer and my Angel Shero's who have crossed because of this really fucked up disease...
...I know this, when I am in the company of these WOmen, I am charged up. Stoked! Ha! Never thought I would use that word in life! LOL! But seriously, my Heart, Mind, Spirit's and the all of my being is inspired and motivated by the Shero's in my Circle and beyond...
These Relations I have with each and every one of my Shero's, I may call them WOman Warriors, and know in my DNA - all would approve.
I LOVE YOU ALL!
Yes, my dearest Tia, I've alway's known this, you being my Shero. Remember this, as you were observing me grow as a child to an adult - I was observing you grow into a very strong and powerful WOman. I am blessed to say you are my Shero.
My Dear God. Amen.
Let it be known that what-ever it is I share and present here this wee hour of morning 0019, on this present date of 10 September 2011, is truthful and known fact. There is a dark night out of doors with an off/oddly shaped Moon. So brillantly beautifully bright.
...city lights didn't drown out the stars above my head here in the North-West County. We are far enough away from downtown lights to see the millions of stars out there. I stopped to gaze and felt the awe in my little boy heart. As a boy I wanted to be an astronaut like Captain Neily, in the "I Dream Of Jeanie" television show. Hell, I must have been 10 years of age then. I had a crush on Jeanie.
I have always thought Gillighan and the Capt. were lover's. They fought like husband and husband. Oui? Oui.
I stood outside for a spell, until the skeeter's drove me in. I was looking at a Fall Moon approaching. Thinking I better be getting a Moon tan on...
...I feel in my Spirit's, with my Spirit's I got lost in space for a spell...
...and even if I did it was as it was, Kindred, even but for a short time there was a place called "alright" in my heart. Tonight, I can share my heart is warm and my Spirit's are full.
My Aunt and I did in fact make it to our visit with the government at the government office. Speaking on an I and I point of view, my piece was a disappointment, but I now have a picture in mind as to what I am waiting for and what it is will become of my relationship with the folks down at the government's office. My Dear Aunt, she stayed with me for my visit. I suspect she picked up on my uncomfortablness - as in my Dear Aunt, "read me honey". I was so happy! I had so many questions running through my skull's brain and I was perspiring, my hearing was like shit even with my processor attached to my implant. Right. Let me say simply, Tia/Aunt, thank you so very much for being there with me and for me. This is something I'll carry all my life. Thanks again Tia! I love you.
I don't want to speak of Meniere's Disease tonight. Or infection and anti-infection pills that make one break all sorts of wind. Sorta like speaking from both ends...
My daughter's and my dearest best friend and wife are the beacons of light that keep me going. The WOmen in my life are my Shero's. From my youngest daughter who just celebrated her 27th year on Earth Mother...
...I mean, she's my baby. My eldest daughter who is off in a place far and away, celebrates her 30th soon. My dear little tiny baby.
As a Man and as a Father, I am proud to list my grown baby's as a couple of my Shero's. My bride of 31 years and my BFF for 36 years is my Shero. My Ma and four sisters are my Shero's. My dear and darling 91 year old grandmother has been a Shero of mine since I was born and way before the term Shero came about. Oh my Abuela, as long as I live, my heart is yours. My Aunts on all branches of the Family's Tree are my Shero's. My WOmen cousins are my Shero's...
...I have WOmen friends who are and have been my Shero's of present day. My dear Old Kindred Spirit, she has been with me through some trecherous times in this past twenty-some years. My dear Medicine Woman, who live's up the road a liitle road trip. My years long relationship with a WOman who guided me through life altering events, my dear Stewie. She was there to witness me turning myself inside out. There another, I would like to mention real quick with-out betraying her confidance. She is known by many, many people's and she is known as a power WOman, AND she is. So then, I shall consider her name, She-Who-Flys-With-The-Eagles. My dahlin', She-Who-Has-Many-Ei's, who lives where the Cherokee roamed, you are in fact a Real Alive Earth Angel. Mine, ya know?
All of my Sista's-from-other-Mista's! All around this globe our Earth Mother are me Shero's. Them who have survived the cancer, them who are fighting the cancer and my Angel Shero's who have crossed because of this really fucked up disease...
...I know this, when I am in the company of these WOmen, I am charged up. Stoked! Ha! Never thought I would use that word in life! LOL! But seriously, my Heart, Mind, Spirit's and the all of my being is inspired and motivated by the Shero's in my Circle and beyond...
These Relations I have with each and every one of my Shero's, I may call them WOman Warriors, and know in my DNA - all would approve.
I LOVE YOU ALL!
Yes, my dearest Tia, I've alway's known this, you being my Shero. Remember this, as you were observing me grow as a child to an adult - I was observing you grow into a very strong and powerful WOman. I am blessed to say you are my Shero.
My Dear God. Amen.
One Little Mixed Breed Song
...one little, two little, three little mixed breeds...
...four little, five little, six little mixed breeds...
...seven little mixed breed kids...
...Three with many curls - four with blond straight hair.
...even though one of the four is not straight and one fell down.
Our little mixed breed brother is in heaven playing pranks and farting in Jesus' general direction. Lil' brother, we know you did the right thing by our Ma and Pa...God Bless you David, because you touched us all.
...four little, five little, six little mixed breeds...
...seven little mixed breed kids...
...Three with many curls - four with blond straight hair.
...even though one of the four is not straight and one fell down.
Our little mixed breed brother is in heaven playing pranks and farting in Jesus' general direction. Lil' brother, we know you did the right thing by our Ma and Pa...God Bless you David, because you touched us all.
An Up To The Moment Report - News Flash
He-Who-Touched-My-Brain, called in medications for me yesterday afternoon. Yes, another oblong-odd-colored pill to swallow. My dear spouse picked them up for me on her way in from work and I began the regimen last night. I suppose I won't feel any better for a day or few, but I hoped I would feel some difference overnight. Ha!
From whence this helicopter from FOX Network News, hoovering over the lodge comes, I don't know. It's well beyond me and my wildest dreams...
...I have looked - but there is no helecopter. My Deaf Left Ear is in the torture chamber this morning. Messing with me something shitty as I am ill besides having to let The Meniere's do as they wish.
I am dizzy at a 6.
I am nauseated at an 8.5 with some productivity. I perspire and sweat this morning. Seems to me I would loose extra weight because of these sweat sessions. Alas, it's but a wish.
I am having to use my walker today. The balance and coordination is way off. My Inner Compass spins with reckless abandon. Thus it is necessary I wimp/wuss out. After a few falls/smashes with hard Turkish tile, cement, the street, Mother Earth...
...the concept of falling becomes a reality. A very truly terrible reality.
My right ear is having yet another ill performing morning. Perhaps a D+. Am listening to a beep, beep, beep, in this, my right ear. These beeps are the sounds of somebody pressing the key pad of a telephone. I am home alone. I mean, it might could be Ting Ting, my beloved hound calling a beau, I don't know. I wouldn't mind so much if I knew this to be true...
...the right ear hole to the brain has accompanied my Deaf Left ear to the torture chamber. You bleeding bastards.
The pain at the base of my skull is mild at this moment. Earlier it hurt me in a most disgusting way. My skull and head are still in a swollen state. Not really. But this is the way they still feel to me. I suspect my face is truly swollen because of this infection - but, Dude, my skull is still the same ole bobble head it has always been.
My chest feels hallow, so I am knowing the infection has spread to my lungs. I actually may have mentioned this a couple/few days ago. I had no idea it was turning into this though. Have not mentioned to my dear. She has so much on her plate as it is.
Have an appointment next Thursday afternoon.
I have been successful in fighting the Sleep. Even with this yucky stuff going on in my skull and lungs. Heck, if I should die I want to be alive so I can experiance it. So, I remain awake. Awake to continue picking up my little ten pound kettle bar and doing one hundred lifts per arm. If able I do more...
...I am horrified of this excess weight on my body. Yes, I know I have lost weight, it's just there's still so much to lose.
I am gagging...
Today my dear aunt and I visit the government at the government office. I want to prepare for our visit.
My heart is warm.
From whence this helicopter from FOX Network News, hoovering over the lodge comes, I don't know. It's well beyond me and my wildest dreams...
...I have looked - but there is no helecopter. My Deaf Left Ear is in the torture chamber this morning. Messing with me something shitty as I am ill besides having to let The Meniere's do as they wish.
I am dizzy at a 6.
I am nauseated at an 8.5 with some productivity. I perspire and sweat this morning. Seems to me I would loose extra weight because of these sweat sessions. Alas, it's but a wish.
I am having to use my walker today. The balance and coordination is way off. My Inner Compass spins with reckless abandon. Thus it is necessary I wimp/wuss out. After a few falls/smashes with hard Turkish tile, cement, the street, Mother Earth...
...the concept of falling becomes a reality. A very truly terrible reality.
My right ear is having yet another ill performing morning. Perhaps a D+. Am listening to a beep, beep, beep, in this, my right ear. These beeps are the sounds of somebody pressing the key pad of a telephone. I am home alone. I mean, it might could be Ting Ting, my beloved hound calling a beau, I don't know. I wouldn't mind so much if I knew this to be true...
...the right ear hole to the brain has accompanied my Deaf Left ear to the torture chamber. You bleeding bastards.
The pain at the base of my skull is mild at this moment. Earlier it hurt me in a most disgusting way. My skull and head are still in a swollen state. Not really. But this is the way they still feel to me. I suspect my face is truly swollen because of this infection - but, Dude, my skull is still the same ole bobble head it has always been.
My chest feels hallow, so I am knowing the infection has spread to my lungs. I actually may have mentioned this a couple/few days ago. I had no idea it was turning into this though. Have not mentioned to my dear. She has so much on her plate as it is.
Have an appointment next Thursday afternoon.
I have been successful in fighting the Sleep. Even with this yucky stuff going on in my skull and lungs. Heck, if I should die I want to be alive so I can experiance it. So, I remain awake. Awake to continue picking up my little ten pound kettle bar and doing one hundred lifts per arm. If able I do more...
...I am horrified of this excess weight on my body. Yes, I know I have lost weight, it's just there's still so much to lose.
I am gagging...
Today my dear aunt and I visit the government at the government office. I want to prepare for our visit.
My heart is warm.
Thursday, September 8, 2011
Meniere's Disease and The Flu
I will communicate in matters of the now and of these moments...
I am dizzy and have difficulty focusing on the words I wish to share. Seems as if I must stop to check and recheck my wordage. My spellng, and such. Over and over...
Taking sick has really shown me how much I must push myself even harder to get things done. Even up and over being dizzy, clumsy and uncoordinated. I fell earlier. No damage done - no problem. Got to keep pushing. My skull feels as if it's swollen. May face hurts! WTF?!
I have the liquid BM's. Gross I know, but don't you know the level of disgust I feel at this moment?
Nausea is mid-high and productive. I have had some type of misting, perspiration, and sweats through-out today. At this moment I feel a necklace of perspiration and a bead of it sliding down my chest.
With-in the hour I had a loud long beep in my right ear. The listening work percentage is very low today. Both of my ear's are affected by this flu and get full now and then. Oh yes, have listened to many crickets deep within the ear hole. So loud it seems as if I am in the center of whatever it is creating this sound.
In my left Deaf ear I hear a loud frequency noise that sounds like the bing....bing.....bing of a long lost submarine. I suspect they are Canadian and are right off the Gulf Coast.
The Worms have played today. At rest right now. Only and for always on/in the left side of my skull. Look, I have to be for real about something, there have been more than two times I have knocked myself pretty damned hard - trying to knock the sh** out of these worms. No, it's not worked. Yet. But it sure does hurt.
This neck of mine must be near damned broken because it hurts so damned much - at this moment.
My whole body feels like it has been invaded by yet another unwanted guest.
Soon my spouse will be home. I want to connect and spend time with her. My daughter will be home in a short while too.
Being home alone all day sucks so bad.
Oh well, what can you do, when you live in a shoe?
I am dizzy and have difficulty focusing on the words I wish to share. Seems as if I must stop to check and recheck my wordage. My spellng, and such. Over and over...
Taking sick has really shown me how much I must push myself even harder to get things done. Even up and over being dizzy, clumsy and uncoordinated. I fell earlier. No damage done - no problem. Got to keep pushing. My skull feels as if it's swollen. May face hurts! WTF?!
I have the liquid BM's. Gross I know, but don't you know the level of disgust I feel at this moment?
Nausea is mid-high and productive. I have had some type of misting, perspiration, and sweats through-out today. At this moment I feel a necklace of perspiration and a bead of it sliding down my chest.
With-in the hour I had a loud long beep in my right ear. The listening work percentage is very low today. Both of my ear's are affected by this flu and get full now and then. Oh yes, have listened to many crickets deep within the ear hole. So loud it seems as if I am in the center of whatever it is creating this sound.
In my left Deaf ear I hear a loud frequency noise that sounds like the bing....bing.....bing of a long lost submarine. I suspect they are Canadian and are right off the Gulf Coast.
The Worms have played today. At rest right now. Only and for always on/in the left side of my skull. Look, I have to be for real about something, there have been more than two times I have knocked myself pretty damned hard - trying to knock the sh** out of these worms. No, it's not worked. Yet. But it sure does hurt.
This neck of mine must be near damned broken because it hurts so damned much - at this moment.
My whole body feels like it has been invaded by yet another unwanted guest.
Soon my spouse will be home. I want to connect and spend time with her. My daughter will be home in a short while too.
Being home alone all day sucks so bad.
Oh well, what can you do, when you live in a shoe?
Have Taken Ill Along The Way
I am here at the computer rather than in my bed because I want to think I feel I am being productive with something's I do today. Am really getting sick and felt it right to call He-Who-Touched-My-Brain. Felt it the right thing to take a task or two into hand...
...my winged cousins have fresh seed & corn to eat and there is plenty of water with which for them to bathe and drink. I enjoy the offering's to the Winged One's as we appreciate their offerings to us.
Chester, my baby Turtle From God, has been fed and fresh water added to his tempoary home away from home - a ten gallon aquarium that provides space for growth, swim and sun. He had to have come from above, by God, because I have searched for siblings or relatives and none are to be found.
There is a very large channel along the preserve behind our sanctuary. It is possible Mommy Turtle laid her eggs not to far away and Chester here got lost along the way. My Spirit's were clear on what I was to do with Chester. Assist him along his journey home.
By the way, this is the second time I have received a "Turtle From God". I have a pool in my back yard, I reckon like the Frogs do, the Turtle will do too. The last Turtle From God was named Freddy and I adopted to another. On the day we received our second guest, Sheena, took him from the cement pond for me and blessed him with the name Chester. Thank You God, for our cousin Chester's visit. I thank you also Great Spirit for the medicine that accompanies our guest. Thank you.
Tomorrow afternoon, my aunt and I are visiting the government at the government office. She for her business and me for mine. I am anxious a bit. No, really, I am. I will walk in take my number and have a seat until my number is called...
...I see, smell and feel I am really and truly a wood nymph of the state.
When I finally agreed to "the blue placard" earlier this Summer it was necessary to go to the Tax Collector's office. Take a number and wait for our number to be called. My wife and I.
It was necessary for us to go to the government office once before because I had to prove I was really who I am. The government had me under a different name. So there were two of me in the system...
...my governments system. My Home Land's system. The system.
Yes, yes, I know I asked for all of this in some way...
...a couple of diseases took me over and thus, I am a disabled one. I did not ask for disease. I strive to do right, I always have.
It's just now I know how it feels. I know how it felt to take a number. Have a seat and wait for my number to be called.
Have to call a time out. So I'll be right back here in a spell I reckon.
...my winged cousins have fresh seed & corn to eat and there is plenty of water with which for them to bathe and drink. I enjoy the offering's to the Winged One's as we appreciate their offerings to us.
Chester, my baby Turtle From God, has been fed and fresh water added to his tempoary home away from home - a ten gallon aquarium that provides space for growth, swim and sun. He had to have come from above, by God, because I have searched for siblings or relatives and none are to be found.
There is a very large channel along the preserve behind our sanctuary. It is possible Mommy Turtle laid her eggs not to far away and Chester here got lost along the way. My Spirit's were clear on what I was to do with Chester. Assist him along his journey home.
By the way, this is the second time I have received a "Turtle From God". I have a pool in my back yard, I reckon like the Frogs do, the Turtle will do too. The last Turtle From God was named Freddy and I adopted to another. On the day we received our second guest, Sheena, took him from the cement pond for me and blessed him with the name Chester. Thank You God, for our cousin Chester's visit. I thank you also Great Spirit for the medicine that accompanies our guest. Thank you.
Tomorrow afternoon, my aunt and I are visiting the government at the government office. She for her business and me for mine. I am anxious a bit. No, really, I am. I will walk in take my number and have a seat until my number is called...
...I see, smell and feel I am really and truly a wood nymph of the state.
When I finally agreed to "the blue placard" earlier this Summer it was necessary to go to the Tax Collector's office. Take a number and wait for our number to be called. My wife and I.
It was necessary for us to go to the government office once before because I had to prove I was really who I am. The government had me under a different name. So there were two of me in the system...
...my governments system. My Home Land's system. The system.
Yes, yes, I know I asked for all of this in some way...
...a couple of diseases took me over and thus, I am a disabled one. I did not ask for disease. I strive to do right, I always have.
It's just now I know how it feels. I know how it felt to take a number. Have a seat and wait for my number to be called.
Have to call a time out. So I'll be right back here in a spell I reckon.
Wednesday, September 7, 2011
What Books Are On My Bedside Table
Let me begin by first making apology to She-My-Friend-Who-Also-Reads-Alot.
I don't know why, I just feel an apology is in order. Right.
Now off to my report.
I completed "The Lakotas And The Black Hills", a couple of days ago. An excellent read with facts and figures and pretty much up to the year details on what the U.S. of A. is doing to make some sort of amends for the dreadful wrongs that have been committed against the Indian Nations of our country. Very specifically The Lakota and Nakota Peoples. I shall have no commentary. Am really feeling quite ill and besides I know my theories, opinions, and ideas of the injustices and genocides of not One or Two Nations, but many Nations - just rubs white folk the wrong way! There are Nations that no longer walk here with us on this our Earth Mother. Or entire languages that could or would no longer be spoken or heard by this one eared man. Assimilation? Lord, I must stop as my passions become alerted and can at times boil over like a pot of milk left unattended. So, I inhale...
...I remain steadfast with reading and using my thesaurus.
Have just completed a book by Adam Mansbach, "Go the F**K to Sleep". As I read it - I imagined Mr. Samuel Jackson reading it to me. In his "Pulp Fiction", voice. It read well and sounded just like Mr. Jackson. A short and very f**king funny read. Good out loud laughs. Maybe next time I'll let Bernie Mac read it to me...yes, I know. I miss him so damned much!
Monday evening I bagan to read a book writen by N. Scott Momaday. The book is "House Made Of Dawn" and it is a very fluid read. Mr. Momaday writes as one might paint pictures. I am amazed at what I have read so far and am very disappointed I have not read Mr. Momaday before. Well, I have this one and two or three others I received as a gift from my neice. What gifts! Bonus!
I am still chipping away at The Autobiography of Mark Twain, Vol. One. I just may end up grabbing this one sometime and make a good go at completing this incredible book. I was brought up reading Mr. Twain, now I suppose, I'll grow old reading Mr. Twain, and I'm okay with this.
Peace to all Relations. Be well and be loved.
I don't know why, I just feel an apology is in order. Right.
Now off to my report.
I completed "The Lakotas And The Black Hills", a couple of days ago. An excellent read with facts and figures and pretty much up to the year details on what the U.S. of A. is doing to make some sort of amends for the dreadful wrongs that have been committed against the Indian Nations of our country. Very specifically The Lakota and Nakota Peoples. I shall have no commentary. Am really feeling quite ill and besides I know my theories, opinions, and ideas of the injustices and genocides of not One or Two Nations, but many Nations - just rubs white folk the wrong way! There are Nations that no longer walk here with us on this our Earth Mother. Or entire languages that could or would no longer be spoken or heard by this one eared man. Assimilation? Lord, I must stop as my passions become alerted and can at times boil over like a pot of milk left unattended. So, I inhale...
...I remain steadfast with reading and using my thesaurus.
Have just completed a book by Adam Mansbach, "Go the F**K to Sleep". As I read it - I imagined Mr. Samuel Jackson reading it to me. In his "Pulp Fiction", voice. It read well and sounded just like Mr. Jackson. A short and very f**king funny read. Good out loud laughs. Maybe next time I'll let Bernie Mac read it to me...yes, I know. I miss him so damned much!
Monday evening I bagan to read a book writen by N. Scott Momaday. The book is "House Made Of Dawn" and it is a very fluid read. Mr. Momaday writes as one might paint pictures. I am amazed at what I have read so far and am very disappointed I have not read Mr. Momaday before. Well, I have this one and two or three others I received as a gift from my neice. What gifts! Bonus!
I am still chipping away at The Autobiography of Mark Twain, Vol. One. I just may end up grabbing this one sometime and make a good go at completing this incredible book. I was brought up reading Mr. Twain, now I suppose, I'll grow old reading Mr. Twain, and I'm okay with this.
Peace to all Relations. Be well and be loved.
Meniere's + A Mystery Flu = Shit Hitting The Fan
I have taken on a mystery flu/illness which may be some sort of "common" thing I suspect. This uninvited guest is affecting the sinsus and the respiratory systems in the most of unpleasent ways. The Liquid BM's tagged along and the all of this shit is wrecking havoc with the meniere's...
...of which, presents a complete package of woeful ills. Coughs, wheezing, rattles, those things that come along with said coughs, wheezing and rattles. With respects to Meniere's. The Dizziness, seems to be the most affected - ill affected. I am using my four legged cane and use the walls to assist me with my get along. The Nausea is mid-range - as is the level of perpiration. I seem to think the nausea is more like just below my throat. Which is a mighty good thing for me, considering this fabulous guest here thinks he'll be here a spell. Right. Oh yes, I have had moments of time when really cold. Cold in Tampa Bay, Florida at this time of year does not compute. Cold in Tampa Bay, Florida at this time of year does not compute and on and so on...
...like the sounds in my Deaf-Left-Ear. Apparently, some where in the cervices of my brains, I sit inside a car as a train crosses our path...it couldn't be my behind the wheel because I don't/can't drive my P.T. Pony.
I don't hear the train, I am listening to the ding-ding-ding-ding of the Rail Road crossing warning system. This is the longest train I've ever had to wait out in life!. Shit! I mean, it's only been three hours plus. I would love to place an ear plug into my Deaf-Left-Ear, but this seems to me, capping this ding-ding-ding-ding with-in the skull - not out. While on the subject of the Left Side of my skull, I wish to share with you that the Worms have been at it the past twenty four hours. With a vengence, Kinfolk. I wonder, What's really creating these sensations. Is it something I did? Could it be bad breathe? I don't know.
My Right-Good-Bad-Ear has been negatively affected by this mystery illness. The popping has increased and at times I feel as if hearing has gotten worse. Almost as if clogged up. I have had pains in this ear since last night - now that I think about it.
My neck has been exceptionally painfull for several days. Every once in a while a day may go by when the neck is not pained. I don't want any more pain. Period. Oh, my dear Brenda, what am I to do?
Over this past evening, I woke up every so often to drink large amounts of water. Seems as if I retired for the evening with this in my thoughts, so my thought system made sure I was up every couple or three hours for water "only". By the liter. No juice or Diet Pepsi - just water...
...I remember those words from the emergency doctor last December, "you're dehydrated and have pneumonia, Mr. Mario". So this water piece is stuck in the brain like membrane. Actually, should things not change with-in the next few day's I'll contact my respiratory doctor. Because I feel quite certain I would be refered to one should I visit my primary. Although, He-Who-Touched-My-Brain, would be able to assist with the sinus rubbish, he too would refer me off to a respiratory doctor...
...I already have one, you see? And he is phenomenal! I have remained faithful to He-Who-Has-Saved-My-Life, for many years. As He, has remainded faithful to me. He has saved my Walking on this Path of mine so many times I do not remember the amount. We have watched each other age. Watched each others children grow, go off to university. It is truly as if we are very fine friends. I love him. He knows this. When two have known one another for over twenty years - something Blessed is in the relationship. True, yes?
Let me take my medication. My skull is throbbing and both ears are listening to my pulse. No, it's not the blood pressure. This is covered by a spendid pointy little baby blue pill.
(The Worms are playing)
There is a block on this Path of mine. Maybe John Wayne take a detour. Follow this Trail...
...peace, love and grace to all Relations...
...of which, presents a complete package of woeful ills. Coughs, wheezing, rattles, those things that come along with said coughs, wheezing and rattles. With respects to Meniere's. The Dizziness, seems to be the most affected - ill affected. I am using my four legged cane and use the walls to assist me with my get along. The Nausea is mid-range - as is the level of perpiration. I seem to think the nausea is more like just below my throat. Which is a mighty good thing for me, considering this fabulous guest here thinks he'll be here a spell. Right. Oh yes, I have had moments of time when really cold. Cold in Tampa Bay, Florida at this time of year does not compute. Cold in Tampa Bay, Florida at this time of year does not compute and on and so on...
...like the sounds in my Deaf-Left-Ear. Apparently, some where in the cervices of my brains, I sit inside a car as a train crosses our path...it couldn't be my behind the wheel because I don't/can't drive my P.T. Pony.
I don't hear the train, I am listening to the ding-ding-ding-ding of the Rail Road crossing warning system. This is the longest train I've ever had to wait out in life!. Shit! I mean, it's only been three hours plus. I would love to place an ear plug into my Deaf-Left-Ear, but this seems to me, capping this ding-ding-ding-ding with-in the skull - not out. While on the subject of the Left Side of my skull, I wish to share with you that the Worms have been at it the past twenty four hours. With a vengence, Kinfolk. I wonder, What's really creating these sensations. Is it something I did? Could it be bad breathe? I don't know.
My Right-Good-Bad-Ear has been negatively affected by this mystery illness. The popping has increased and at times I feel as if hearing has gotten worse. Almost as if clogged up. I have had pains in this ear since last night - now that I think about it.
My neck has been exceptionally painfull for several days. Every once in a while a day may go by when the neck is not pained. I don't want any more pain. Period. Oh, my dear Brenda, what am I to do?
Over this past evening, I woke up every so often to drink large amounts of water. Seems as if I retired for the evening with this in my thoughts, so my thought system made sure I was up every couple or three hours for water "only". By the liter. No juice or Diet Pepsi - just water...
...I remember those words from the emergency doctor last December, "you're dehydrated and have pneumonia, Mr. Mario". So this water piece is stuck in the brain like membrane. Actually, should things not change with-in the next few day's I'll contact my respiratory doctor. Because I feel quite certain I would be refered to one should I visit my primary. Although, He-Who-Touched-My-Brain, would be able to assist with the sinus rubbish, he too would refer me off to a respiratory doctor...
...I already have one, you see? And he is phenomenal! I have remained faithful to He-Who-Has-Saved-My-Life, for many years. As He, has remainded faithful to me. He has saved my Walking on this Path of mine so many times I do not remember the amount. We have watched each other age. Watched each others children grow, go off to university. It is truly as if we are very fine friends. I love him. He knows this. When two have known one another for over twenty years - something Blessed is in the relationship. True, yes?
Let me take my medication. My skull is throbbing and both ears are listening to my pulse. No, it's not the blood pressure. This is covered by a spendid pointy little baby blue pill.
(The Worms are playing)
There is a block on this Path of mine. Maybe John Wayne take a detour. Follow this Trail...
...peace, love and grace to all Relations...
Tuesday, September 6, 2011
Prayer's Against Genocide! End World Hunger! & Prayers For My Relations.
Greetings to all Relations who's eyes should follow the tip-tapping of my type writing, my thoughts, and words.
Let me please share wishes of peace, love and understanding to all Kinfolk,
Kindred, Relations. All who are one in my Spirit's, and to all of Mother Earth's Peoples...my brothers and sisters...
...I silently scream prayer's for a World Wide Peace.
I pray for the ceasing of hunger in our world - when there is so much waste of food, not only here in the United Staes of America, but World Wide. We here in my Lodge of Peace, I must be confess, with our weekly waste of foods, no doubt would feed mulitple families. I am ashamed. Effective as of this moment, change will be directed to ensure less waste.
I scream a pray for the ceasing of Female Castration and Mutilations. Not only in Africa, but world wide. My track of thought is this, if one from the regions of Africa that practice this barbaric act, migrate to other countries. The practice follows.
Let me PRAY for the elimination of Genocide world wide - beginning right here in our U.S. of A. I won't specify my theories. I'll let my guests, the readers decide, based on what it is you have read about the genocide here. Based on what it is one might see on the BBC or DV.
My heart and Spirit's remember Czechoslvakian War's too well. How tens of thousands of fellow Earth Beings were raped and murdered. Placed in modern day concentration camps. This was the 1990's! The male teens and men of certain ethnic heritage removed from their families and summarily executed and placed in mass unmarked graves. I have never figured why this war affected me in such a painful way. I suspect it was that I simply could not comprehend how Europe and the America's could or would permit another genocide to occur again merely decades after WWII.
It's an unfortunate thing that we as World Citizens, look the other way while the horrific genocide continues in parts of Africa! I must believe with all my might that the colour of one's skin plays a roll with these genocides going on right now! The inactivity from out-side nations. If these were white citizens in another land - there would be some "shock and awe" going on.
I pray for my Elder's who shared and told me the stories of our Kinfolk of long ago. As I pray for them who have Crossed Over, I pray for the Elder's who remain with us here on Mother Earth. I pray for those who are in my Circle today - my Relations. Near and far...
...and I am compelled to pray for them who have not been introduced to our Earth Mother, the unborn...
...those who will be born and for them who will not.
Prayers for my daughter's and spouse.
For our present and for our future's.
I have a telephone number directly to God. So I pray.
Love and peace,
Mario
Let me please share wishes of peace, love and understanding to all Kinfolk,
Kindred, Relations. All who are one in my Spirit's, and to all of Mother Earth's Peoples...my brothers and sisters...
...I silently scream prayer's for a World Wide Peace.
I pray for the ceasing of hunger in our world - when there is so much waste of food, not only here in the United Staes of America, but World Wide. We here in my Lodge of Peace, I must be confess, with our weekly waste of foods, no doubt would feed mulitple families. I am ashamed. Effective as of this moment, change will be directed to ensure less waste.
I scream a pray for the ceasing of Female Castration and Mutilations. Not only in Africa, but world wide. My track of thought is this, if one from the regions of Africa that practice this barbaric act, migrate to other countries. The practice follows.
Let me PRAY for the elimination of Genocide world wide - beginning right here in our U.S. of A. I won't specify my theories. I'll let my guests, the readers decide, based on what it is you have read about the genocide here. Based on what it is one might see on the BBC or DV.
My heart and Spirit's remember Czechoslvakian War's too well. How tens of thousands of fellow Earth Beings were raped and murdered. Placed in modern day concentration camps. This was the 1990's! The male teens and men of certain ethnic heritage removed from their families and summarily executed and placed in mass unmarked graves. I have never figured why this war affected me in such a painful way. I suspect it was that I simply could not comprehend how Europe and the America's could or would permit another genocide to occur again merely decades after WWII.
It's an unfortunate thing that we as World Citizens, look the other way while the horrific genocide continues in parts of Africa! I must believe with all my might that the colour of one's skin plays a roll with these genocides going on right now! The inactivity from out-side nations. If these were white citizens in another land - there would be some "shock and awe" going on.
I pray for my Elder's who shared and told me the stories of our Kinfolk of long ago. As I pray for them who have Crossed Over, I pray for the Elder's who remain with us here on Mother Earth. I pray for those who are in my Circle today - my Relations. Near and far...
...and I am compelled to pray for them who have not been introduced to our Earth Mother, the unborn...
...those who will be born and for them who will not.
Prayers for my daughter's and spouse.
For our present and for our future's.
I have a telephone number directly to God. So I pray.
Love and peace,
Mario
Sunday, September 4, 2011
A Sunday Afternoon...
It's 1525 at this moment, I feel awake, alert and pleased that I've awaken from a closer to 40 hour sleep. Since this Friday past. I really don't want to go back to the reasons I went into Dream World, but I can share again that this human body closed shop for a very close to 24 hour period. No in-take, no out-put...
...there's something I believe to be truth. That there are times if my wife or daughter do not wake me, I would sleep an unconceivable amount of hours. The symptoms that no doubt motivated me to sleep were the noises in both ears. I mean, like loud and obnoxious noises, sounds and voices. The gagging nausea, the sweats and dizzy spells. I had to turn it off...
...really, I had to turn me off.
Today I feel embarrassed about the sleep. I've once again slept away too many hours of my Life. Let me share these and this slumber are not induced by any medication. These are an unmedicated slumber, you see? I have taught self to ease off to slumber. Task myself into slumber. Pray myself to sleep. So I wonder from time to time, what is it that is really going on under my skin? In my skull? I just don't know. Even though quite embarrassed, I do in fact feel well rested and am in a position to once again push my self and my body.
Please, let me share something with you. Maybe like a Say and Tell?
There are times when I really let stuff invade my space and my Spirit's. There are too many times when I still curse and belittle myself. And there are many times when I think of harming this outer shell of my being. I see myself with different eye orbs now. As time goes by, I pray I will adjust. It has been a very long edcation on how to live with Meniere's. Wait, first of all, I don't know if one really learns to live with meniere's. Not this meniere's - this bastard has a hold of me.
I think about the what might have been's, I think of all of those wonderful years working and working hard for my money. A tax paying citizen since 12 years of age. I miss the contact with peer's. My friends. Our customer's when in the field. I think about these so much - sometimes they invade my Dream Time and there, I worry about staffing and inventory as if I were at work.
A very large concern and something I think and worry about everyday is the equipment that I need but am ill prepared to purchase. I think and worry about my bride and daughters and pray for all of my Kinfolk and Relations. I know and am able to feel the empathy and concerns from others. Like free medicine.
Sometimes when I think too much, the process is sometimes changed by the words and wisdom of a wonderful friend and confidant named Stewie. We met back in the early '90's. Today, she is a Big Sister for/to me. I don't think I ever said those words to her. Someday, yes I will. I love her to deaf. You see, Stewie, was the therapist all those years ago who taught me about rumination. The ugliness and dangers about what rumination's can and will do to one's better state of mind. The disengaging piece's were huge and I still use these techniques when necessary...
...when I am reminded to.
It's freaking tough being dictated by something that is totally out of my hands. Something I can't touch or smell. Meniere's. It does in fact occupy me and so much energy.
I spoke by telephone today with someone who I have always held with high regard, repsect, trust and love. His vibes and positive energies have assisted me by giving me a rich and very pleasent boost in my Core. It feels good and I am Blessed. Again, like free medicine. This kind fellow has always had a motivating passion for life and this passion is contagious. It provides me with visions of me as a younger one. Well, and as I still am on the day's I am strong and not troubled by symptoms.
I think soon I'll get back up on my pony John Wayne and ride him good and plenty. Yes? Yes, sounds like an excellent idea.
Walk In Beauty...peace.
...there's something I believe to be truth. That there are times if my wife or daughter do not wake me, I would sleep an unconceivable amount of hours. The symptoms that no doubt motivated me to sleep were the noises in both ears. I mean, like loud and obnoxious noises, sounds and voices. The gagging nausea, the sweats and dizzy spells. I had to turn it off...
...really, I had to turn me off.
Today I feel embarrassed about the sleep. I've once again slept away too many hours of my Life. Let me share these and this slumber are not induced by any medication. These are an unmedicated slumber, you see? I have taught self to ease off to slumber. Task myself into slumber. Pray myself to sleep. So I wonder from time to time, what is it that is really going on under my skin? In my skull? I just don't know. Even though quite embarrassed, I do in fact feel well rested and am in a position to once again push my self and my body.
Please, let me share something with you. Maybe like a Say and Tell?
There are times when I really let stuff invade my space and my Spirit's. There are too many times when I still curse and belittle myself. And there are many times when I think of harming this outer shell of my being. I see myself with different eye orbs now. As time goes by, I pray I will adjust. It has been a very long edcation on how to live with Meniere's. Wait, first of all, I don't know if one really learns to live with meniere's. Not this meniere's - this bastard has a hold of me.
I think about the what might have been's, I think of all of those wonderful years working and working hard for my money. A tax paying citizen since 12 years of age. I miss the contact with peer's. My friends. Our customer's when in the field. I think about these so much - sometimes they invade my Dream Time and there, I worry about staffing and inventory as if I were at work.
A very large concern and something I think and worry about everyday is the equipment that I need but am ill prepared to purchase. I think and worry about my bride and daughters and pray for all of my Kinfolk and Relations. I know and am able to feel the empathy and concerns from others. Like free medicine.
Sometimes when I think too much, the process is sometimes changed by the words and wisdom of a wonderful friend and confidant named Stewie. We met back in the early '90's. Today, she is a Big Sister for/to me. I don't think I ever said those words to her. Someday, yes I will. I love her to deaf. You see, Stewie, was the therapist all those years ago who taught me about rumination. The ugliness and dangers about what rumination's can and will do to one's better state of mind. The disengaging piece's were huge and I still use these techniques when necessary...
...when I am reminded to.
It's freaking tough being dictated by something that is totally out of my hands. Something I can't touch or smell. Meniere's. It does in fact occupy me and so much energy.
I spoke by telephone today with someone who I have always held with high regard, repsect, trust and love. His vibes and positive energies have assisted me by giving me a rich and very pleasent boost in my Core. It feels good and I am Blessed. Again, like free medicine. This kind fellow has always had a motivating passion for life and this passion is contagious. It provides me with visions of me as a younger one. Well, and as I still am on the day's I am strong and not troubled by symptoms.
I think soon I'll get back up on my pony John Wayne and ride him good and plenty. Yes? Yes, sounds like an excellent idea.
Walk In Beauty...peace.
Friday, September 2, 2011
Meniere's, Silence, Gardening & I
The what to say is harder sometimes to say than remaining silent. Silence = Death. So I'll type with a tenacious Spirit...
...my Lodge is quiet this afternoon. So quiet I feel near total Deafness.
This early afternoon has been a challange - as was the morning. I have shed my tears and will soon push myself to task.
My poor gardens are over-run by weeds and some spider like grass, it's a one thousand root plant with many arms above ground. The Summer has been a difficult season for me. The last few weeks in particular...
...Meniere's has had me in it's grasp for much of what my life has become.
At this moment the nausea is a strong seven. The perspiration/sweat is sliding down my neck and then down my chest...
The dizziness is enough to keep me on guard and carefull with each step I take. It's difficult to be graceful when every step could lead to a slip or trip and fall. So I use caution. What more can I do? What more to say?
The silence is something I would prefer while out in Mother Nature, or maybe canoeing down Silver Springs. Or sitting in the Gulf of Mexico.
I just don't think I'll ever get used to the power of the Deafness...
...it's so quiet that it roars with it's silence.
With the exception of an ocassional beep my Left Deaf ear has in fact been deaf today. The dear ear is always Deaf - it's just the nosies I pick up between the ears that drive me near madness. I've probably damned myself by sharing, so it be then. It's a madness that leads one mourning the loss of hearing to beg for silence. I figure there is some sort of chemical imbalance in the brains that have me this way. But then, I guess this is the way it is and the way it was meant to be.
My Right-Good-Bad ear is having a really poor day. Either poor hearing or listen to the voices that haunt me...
...or the sounds of the tank in my back yard. Presently it's shit poor.
The worms act up and have me thinking about taking an ax to the side of my head. The left side. Where these frustrating sumbeachs reside. Maybe if there's a cut or hole they'll vacate. Huh? Nah. Wishful thinking.
Enough has been said or not. Think it's time to get my Mr. Gripper and my knee cushions to go terminate these pesks in my garden. Oh yes, I will feed my bird cousins too.
Lord, please no snakes!
...my Lodge is quiet this afternoon. So quiet I feel near total Deafness.
This early afternoon has been a challange - as was the morning. I have shed my tears and will soon push myself to task.
My poor gardens are over-run by weeds and some spider like grass, it's a one thousand root plant with many arms above ground. The Summer has been a difficult season for me. The last few weeks in particular...
...Meniere's has had me in it's grasp for much of what my life has become.
At this moment the nausea is a strong seven. The perspiration/sweat is sliding down my neck and then down my chest...
The dizziness is enough to keep me on guard and carefull with each step I take. It's difficult to be graceful when every step could lead to a slip or trip and fall. So I use caution. What more can I do? What more to say?
The silence is something I would prefer while out in Mother Nature, or maybe canoeing down Silver Springs. Or sitting in the Gulf of Mexico.
I just don't think I'll ever get used to the power of the Deafness...
...it's so quiet that it roars with it's silence.
With the exception of an ocassional beep my Left Deaf ear has in fact been deaf today. The dear ear is always Deaf - it's just the nosies I pick up between the ears that drive me near madness. I've probably damned myself by sharing, so it be then. It's a madness that leads one mourning the loss of hearing to beg for silence. I figure there is some sort of chemical imbalance in the brains that have me this way. But then, I guess this is the way it is and the way it was meant to be.
My Right-Good-Bad ear is having a really poor day. Either poor hearing or listen to the voices that haunt me...
...or the sounds of the tank in my back yard. Presently it's shit poor.
The worms act up and have me thinking about taking an ax to the side of my head. The left side. Where these frustrating sumbeachs reside. Maybe if there's a cut or hole they'll vacate. Huh? Nah. Wishful thinking.
Enough has been said or not. Think it's time to get my Mr. Gripper and my knee cushions to go terminate these pesks in my garden. Oh yes, I will feed my bird cousins too.
Lord, please no snakes!
Thursday, September 1, 2011
A Mental/Emotional Colon Cleansing & The Beat
I was blessed with the opportunity to visit with the Sir Dude this afternoon. Sir Dude, my therapist, did in fact have his Game Day face on and we had extraordinary talk and face to face time. I felt as if I had a mental/emotional colon cleansing. No, really. It was superb! There was so much covered, so much communicated that I am certain I left my safe place with my Spirit's stirred up something proper. Some dung to deal with now and dung to prepare for next visit. Just like my Sir Dude.
Tonight, I skip to the beat of The The's, "This Is The Day". It would be so brilliant if I really could skip about! I skip to this beat in my skull and maybe my Spirit's join in, but I can no longer dance the way I did once. The whole balance and coordination thing makes for sad thoughts just like this moment. That the dance was taken away from me.
I have communicated how I think about listening to music with one ear hole to the brain, but I have not stopped to think and talk about the dance piece. As in to share or type aloud. The dance can't be gone! I have been a music fanatic since childhood and danced. Right, it's not like I was John Travolta or anything, but Gurl's, I'm here to say I would dance into the wee hours back in the day. Oh boy, what the life...
This is really alot like me dancing to the beat of a different drum...
...seems as if I always have been the Black Sheep in my life - according to the families...the black lamb with mixed blood, en'it? Yeah, yeah, yeah, there's one in every family. Just like "The Drama Queen" scenario. One in every Crew. Ha! Ha! If memorey serves me well, this was a nick name I was blessed with at the company in the big blue box. I mean, these folks called me Drama Queen, as if it was a bad thing. Child please, it took years to learn and earn that title, and shit, I still practice it. Oh yes, please do not confuse the "Drama Queen" with "lifestyle bitches".
Really? Please?
Boy-oh-boy, I must make for an interesting case...
This is really alot like me moving along to the beat of a different drum.
Maybe some day soon I learn to dance with my walker. Maybe? Maybe.
Before I conclude with this post, please, I ask please, do not judge me, I am the Enigma. No really, I am an anomaly.
p.s. It took me many many years of walking this Path to be able to assert myself with certain people. I am comfortable with the beat to this drum.
...Honey, If I Could Turn Back Time!
Tonight, I skip to the beat of The The's, "This Is The Day". It would be so brilliant if I really could skip about! I skip to this beat in my skull and maybe my Spirit's join in, but I can no longer dance the way I did once. The whole balance and coordination thing makes for sad thoughts just like this moment. That the dance was taken away from me.
I have communicated how I think about listening to music with one ear hole to the brain, but I have not stopped to think and talk about the dance piece. As in to share or type aloud. The dance can't be gone! I have been a music fanatic since childhood and danced. Right, it's not like I was John Travolta or anything, but Gurl's, I'm here to say I would dance into the wee hours back in the day. Oh boy, what the life...
This is really alot like me dancing to the beat of a different drum...
...seems as if I always have been the Black Sheep in my life - according to the families...the black lamb with mixed blood, en'it? Yeah, yeah, yeah, there's one in every family. Just like "The Drama Queen" scenario. One in every Crew. Ha! Ha! If memorey serves me well, this was a nick name I was blessed with at the company in the big blue box. I mean, these folks called me Drama Queen, as if it was a bad thing. Child please, it took years to learn and earn that title, and shit, I still practice it. Oh yes, please do not confuse the "Drama Queen" with "lifestyle bitches".
Really? Please?
Boy-oh-boy, I must make for an interesting case...
This is really alot like me moving along to the beat of a different drum.
Maybe some day soon I learn to dance with my walker. Maybe? Maybe.
Before I conclude with this post, please, I ask please, do not judge me, I am the Enigma. No really, I am an anomaly.
p.s. It took me many many years of walking this Path to be able to assert myself with certain people. I am comfortable with the beat to this drum.
...Honey, If I Could Turn Back Time!
A Look In The Mirror
This late morning required I return to rest from the overwhelming exhaustion that engulfed my body. Did not have this pecular issue on the yesterday and was pleased I was able to go the day without returning to slumber. Today, I am majorly disappointed in my self.
I will be sitting in my other safe place in roughly 1.5 hours. I know this is a necessary gathering. Best that Sir Dude, have his Game Day face on. This visit is way overdue. I am disappointed in my self for letting these past threeor four or so weeks go by without meeting him with my face to his face. Today! We shall visit.
Just a few minutes ago I had taken a shower so I am fresh and so clean-clean for my visit and getting out of these walls for a spell...
...well, I took a look in the mirror and saw what was something utterly disgusting to me. I swear if my body goes the way of them before me or them with me now, I will put this "diet/life style" change into much more than hyper drive! I shed tears over the reflection looking out at me! I don't want this extra person on my back anymore! Please! Shit! Fuck! Shit! Yes, I have lost weight and yes, I have lost square footage from this double-wide trailer I tote around, but damn! Really? Yes, I have gained muscle and it sure looks mighty nice, but if I could do it myself - there would be some fucking lipo-suction going on up in this crib right now! If you didn't know then - you fuckin' know know!
...I felt something click-click in in the space between these two ears. Time for more changes are on this man's horizon.
I see it over yonder East of my Path...
...Mario's Path.
p.s. Will post another note later this p.m., on the meniere's rubbish that has me by throat and all the shit that comes with this. Will report on my visit with Sir Dude...
...for know I prepare.
p.s.s. Yes, I am bitter. At my self. Disgustingly disappointed.
I will be sitting in my other safe place in roughly 1.5 hours. I know this is a necessary gathering. Best that Sir Dude, have his Game Day face on. This visit is way overdue. I am disappointed in my self for letting these past threeor four or so weeks go by without meeting him with my face to his face. Today! We shall visit.
Just a few minutes ago I had taken a shower so I am fresh and so clean-clean for my visit and getting out of these walls for a spell...
...well, I took a look in the mirror and saw what was something utterly disgusting to me. I swear if my body goes the way of them before me or them with me now, I will put this "diet/life style" change into much more than hyper drive! I shed tears over the reflection looking out at me! I don't want this extra person on my back anymore! Please! Shit! Fuck! Shit! Yes, I have lost weight and yes, I have lost square footage from this double-wide trailer I tote around, but damn! Really? Yes, I have gained muscle and it sure looks mighty nice, but if I could do it myself - there would be some fucking lipo-suction going on up in this crib right now! If you didn't know then - you fuckin' know know!
...I felt something click-click in in the space between these two ears. Time for more changes are on this man's horizon.
I see it over yonder East of my Path...
...Mario's Path.
p.s. Will post another note later this p.m., on the meniere's rubbish that has me by throat and all the shit that comes with this. Will report on my visit with Sir Dude...
...for know I prepare.
p.s.s. Yes, I am bitter. At my self. Disgustingly disappointed.
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