Up for second time today and it's 1422 at the moment...
...am thinking it's a Meniere's Thing - this issue with my sleep. My last few day's have been full of the symptoms of past attacks - fortunately, no vertigo attack. Yet! As I sit on pins and needles daily. Waiting and anyways, I really do anticipate such when these damned symptoms emerge from not too deep withing this skull. Now with no telltale sypmtoms. As I have decribed in previous postings, these sypmtoms that range from beeps too locomotives in my back-yard, to The Everglades at night and airboats too. Thus, no longer a set of guide line of symptoms. These are far and wide and extraordinarily as wide as my Mother Earth is diverse...
...seems to me these have all been meshed into a "special of the day" type Meniere's/Vertigo Attack. Other than reminding me that there is a dreadful guest living within me, these symptoms don't mean a damned thing anymore.
I mentioned earlier about up for the second time today. I have noticed within this past week or so, that when I wake at 0830-0900, by 1100 or Noon comes about, I am so truly exhausted it becomes absolutely necessary I return to bed. I have noticed that prior to these episode's I am a danger to myself because I actually feel what I can only express as a melt down of mind, Spirit and body. The noises in my ears go mad, the worms are active, nausea, dizziness, the balance and coordination pieces do not align - which places me back into the seat of The Human Bumper Car...a bit of danger. Have had too many falls. I don't want anymore falls, God!
Once awake from the one to two hour rest I feel physically stronger and more grounded to Earth Mother. I can not explain this queer state of affairs. I can only say and request prayer, good vibes and fantastic energy please be sent to my family and I. I don't want to live like this. What in the freaking hell is this going on? I just know that so very deep with-in my Spirit, I stand in fear. A fear that has invaded my Dream Time.
At this moment I feel up to task and attempt to communicate via this format and as to "where" I am now. In my Walking my Path, I apparently have no mouth. I speak, but many of them around me have no ears. What can I do?
So, I follow what my Spirit's say do. What it is my body say's to me. Have learned to listen to mine intuitions. And follow them. Once I've learned I had to look inside me to see where I wanted to go from here, I set my compass. Which direction do I want to head with this disease...
...um, it may follow me and be as a piece of my luggage for the rest of my Path. I accept this. So be it. I'll carry this then. The One God, speaks of not placing more than one can handle on ones plate, well I am blessed by this. Mine run overflows. Please believe and know that I must surrender, I am powerless over this disease. I suspect it is necessary for me to carry this as my Cross.
At this moment in my Deaf Left ear I am listening to the sounds of The Everglades at mid-night loudly and clearly. Too clearly. Oh yes, the beeps have been a long stretched out beep. Like this BEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep, and then again and it goes on and on. If I'm not hearing something in my Deaf ear - it is a pleasure. A Deaf ear is supposed to be Deaf. These noises leave little tags of madness. Like a tagged Big Bear, I try to deal with the sting of this reality. Little tag's of madness.
Tell and Say!! In my Circle of Kinfolk nearby, I am called Big Bear.
I am perspiring and have had the sweats today. My t-shirt is ring around the collar with the sweat and the moisture has my t-shirt stuck to my chest and slimming tummy.
I suspect this has alot to do with the nausea that sometimes gets so bad works me to a sore throat, like today. I mean really, sometimes this "nausea" is so bad it alters my voice. WTF?
I am dizzy as one might feel after getting off one of those festival rides. Them that spin one around at many miles per hour - then goes in reverse at high speeds. Shit. Yes, I have taken my medication. Had to.
My Right-Good-Bad ear has had a streak going with the bad Hard of Hearing days and ways. It is dreadfully frustrating! Too many times lately I have had to wing it while listening to someone speak. I get screamed at because I sometimes speak to loudly, so say my Kinfolk. The Voices remain and the loud pops will sometimes startle me...
...for that matter, there has been this unexplained and curious phenomena where and when I hear a very loud explosion. Random ass! "EXPLOSION!" I jump as a result and am repremanded for acting up so randomly. Well, if some of my Relations we're to read - my Relations may have a diffrent outlook and understanding. This Right-Good-Bad ear continues to have increasingly long moments of total silence...
...as in a state of total silence.
The Funky Worm sensation on my left skull was active just minutes ago. Maybe these bastards rest a spell.
Ya-Hey, all Relations, thank you for reading my words. It is a beautiful thing knowing someone other than I will read what today has been for me. So far. LOL!
The neck and spine piece is becoming more and more troublesome. A call to doctor comes soon.
Thursday, I will have a visit with Sir Dude, my therpist. Way too much time has past since I visited one of my safe places and him last. Several weeks, en'it? Sir Dude, this shittin' extension of non-visitation does not look or feel good in my center. I would rather we not have this issue again! Please?
Relations, love, peace and safety.
God Bless all who were and or have been affected/effected by the Hurricane Irene. So much loss, so much distruction. For all of them - my heart aches.
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