For the first time in a quite sometime, I felt the walls of my lodge closing in on me...like the walls in the old horror motion pictures with the daggers sticking through them to pierce my body multiple times...
...I felt as if I was on the edge of a cliff and could not escape the fall half of a foot in front of me.
Honestly, I was so close to an anxiety attack - I broke down in tears.
I was just so desperately in a need to step from my home! I needed to get out! SHIT! What is it that is so difficult for folks to understand. I live my life in a medically imposed exile. EVERY DAY of my life!
I was so desperately in a place for somebody - anybody to call and check on me. Maybe a bit of coorespondence via social web gathering. Like the facebook. E-mail. Send me a telegraph or something.
...any friend...any member of my family...any Kindred. Just a call.
There is no one out there that can say this faster than I! And I damn well know and understand that my Relations and Kindred have jobs to do, families to take care of, and the things folks just want to do when they're off the clock.
All I ask for is to be acknowledged. Just so that I am not alone.
I have to wait until September to see Sir Dude...way too much time has passed since we last had our face to face. And it's been just about two months since I last say Dr. N. A bit too long between visits of my Better Mental Emotional Health Care Team. And I know this.
My heart races as I type these words. Not from some damned soda pop, tea, or coffee...
...my heart races because I am claustraphobic and like a toy in a cereal box - I am enclosed in this box.
My pony and I had a hectic pace today. Good ole John Wayne and I...
...better days lay ahead. Please.
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