Wellness,
Kindred, here I sit once again in preparation for what is yet another important meeting in my life's Path. I am filled with an intoxicating blend of anticipation, anxiety, and adrenaline. I am so high on this cocktail that I am feeling my heart chambers bump the life force in my chest.
I want a cigarette, but do not smoke. Yes, I did years ago and smoked for a chunk of my life here on Earth Mother. I am not proud to say I am from the era of the Marlboro Man, Moor's, KOOLS and Benson and Hedges Menthol Cigarettes. Once I became to cool to smoke them others, although, I would dabble in the Canadian, German, and Jamaican cigarette's back-back-back in the day.
Just about forty five minutes ago I had a gagging attack from hell. When this happens I think I must look like a donkey baying in the North 40. I mean to say that the gags come in hideous convulsions from my throat, stomach and chest that hurls chunks of the nothingness from my stomach this morning. It truly amazes me how these particularly hideous symptom's remain secretly tucked away, out of sight and out of mind. This one for me, I suspect is the one I am especially embarrassed about. That's my reckoning behind keeping it locked and snuck away...
...yes,I know, I know I get into some personally deep shit here, but there is something I can not describe about this particular symptom of Meniere's. Maybe this, imagine this happening to you in public. Now imagine this happening in Publix, the Supermarket Where Shopping Is A Pleasure. Alright then, I thought you knew.
My gathering today will be with my Counselor from Vocational Rehabilitation and a therapist who tested me on various educational levels, IQ and has had time spent with me. More time than I have had with my Vocational Rehab. counselor. Today, numbers will be shared - scores from all of those tests that the Miss. from Vocational Concepts presented to me.
Great Day! I remember now! This feeling of this type of anxiety from back when I worked at Best Buy and Starbucks Coffee Company, in some managerial roll or another. The worry of the Boss's Boss stopping by to review and go over "The Number's". I am a fifty three mystic and I know that I am not the smartest kid in the class. No, really and I know this. Where I lack intelligence/knowledge in some areas, I excel in others. I do not want to feel like I am being graded by these organizations, but I am. It's all about the numbers, I know this. Let's go then.
As I prepare to be picked up by the Lil' Short Blue Bus, I ask the Great Spirit to keep a watchful eye on his child in me. I am scared a bit. Today will shed light on the direction I shall navigate. I am eager and excited to begin.
Please, my Kindred, say a special word for me.
I've no more to say.
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