Meniere's Attacked, Communique of Symptoms, The Sleep Has Begun

Kindred,

I have awoken from what has been a very dramatic and over active dream time since the meiniere's attack late Saturday and the wee hours Sunday. I was able to hold on to my post for a while during that attack. I'll hold on now t share and then be off, as I feel drunk today from the hangover affect of such an attack and this subsequent sleep. The nausea has been omni-present and has provoked near productive nausea, but no vomit happens and I gag and hurl nothing. Even my bile duct runs empty. And I know the sleep is not done. If I went and laid done in my safe place I would be out in minutes. During times like this, I prefer being in a safe place. I want to go back and return to slumber. In a state of slumber I see and live only what is going on in my dream world. Here I must deal with the symptoms of the Meniere's compounded by post-attack symptoms. A marked increase in the state of dizziness, so affected I am, I must walk with a greater sense of awareness, where here is a minimal to begin with. I use my cane and the wall to navigate from my safe place here. I am safe.

I am out of sound and deaf to my surroundings, hearing only what is going on between and in my ears at this precise moment. In the background I have some Bill Miller on the i-pod and am distracted by the sounds of frequent fly overs of helicopters. Sounds like a squadron of helicopter's and their giant propellers, chwomp-chwomp-chwomping over my lodge. The activities of forest life has been alive and well in my out of sound left ear, a roar of insects. A roaring.

Please, may I ask? Do you ever let life get carried away? Have you ever let go and Let God? Oh, my Kindred One's, I feel in such flux, I can not accurately describe the thoughts, shame, embarrassment's, victories, accomplishments, this deep sadness and happiness and the "Dorothy like Twister" in my brains right now. All of this change is probably just as well, as it runs along the same path of a Busy Mind. There has been so much on my mind and in my head and going on in my circle and the circles of those connected to mine.

I share with you now my Kindred, that I am able to read my palms and see that they say to me there is more surgery to come to the left side of my scalp. There next to my implant. This same wound from the last procedure has not yet healed and I am comfortable thinking that He-Who-Touched-My-Brain, will not be happy with this. I am not. There's a piece of my scalp that raises and touches my BAHA processor when I have it on. This area of my scalp continues to pain and hurt me.

The worms are here. Spider's are not, maybe sleeping. I don't know, but these damned worms wiggle. Up and random like too, I could be standing, laying or sitting here, like just now where there is a squiggling that is a real as reality. I want to vomit.

It has taken me since 1352 ,when I took a call from my therapist, Lady S., to complete this communique. I have taken calls from my counselor, Miss. K., at VR, my therapist Sir. Dude and from family since. I sense that I am closing down and shall soon be back to my corner or Earth Mother. My body screams and my head twirls in unison exclaiming the time to return is now. These are the voices in my life and Path that I had a need to speak with and hear their voice's. My wife, my child, and a downright best good friend, who happens to have the same name as in my blood, a Martin, my Mom's Mom. Oh, wouldn't it be so grand t get a call from my Ma. Goodness gracious, how I miss my Mom. I am tired and beat. My body aches and is pained, I have taken a mighty good beating. I feel it from my toes to my neck and skull.

I have been counseled to disengage from the ruminations. I have cried and I try not to ruminate, but life happens, and I am my own worst judge and enemy. I might have recently read that I am diagnosed with eating disorder and in same report I read that I am over-weight. Well and wow, as am fully aware of both. It is far out that even after all of these years with eating disorder's and as one with an eating disorder, how does One say to an anorexic, You're over fat Dude. Ouch.

For now, I head back to my corner. I have nothing else to say. it is 1845. Sleep comes. Sleep and time. And time and time again, the sleep returns. I am so exhausted my eye orbs hurt. To think I have slept off and off since 1352 and still feel like this seems so wimpish. I've got to let go now.

Peace.

p.s. I have turned off the music. I listen to the jungle. Has anyone seen Jane around here lately?